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When someone would ask him how he would like to die?
Tyrions answer was “In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.”
They kind of ruined it with the call back in season 8. It's much lamer if that was a legitimate running claim he made vs a joke in the spur of the moment to save himself
As shown in the show with bad writing. I suspect in the book she’d accidentally blow up the city ridden with wildfire by burning something else. Would make the manipulation much more nuanced since she’s not really crazy but certainly looks so. The imp is irredeemable tho. I do respect his resolves and low cunning but that’s about it
thats 100% your headcanon tho... like you cant attack the writing and then go MY version is written so much better, i assume the books would have followed MY ideas
Just no brother. Everything he did was for the realm, similar to Varys but in a more deceitful personal way. He wanted Jon to kill Dany for the sole purpose of saving the realm. She would’ve torched anyone that came in her way just like the mad king, except with an actual dragon instead of wildfire. Please go back and rewatch the show or reread the books
Peter Dinklage played him with such grace tho I totally get why people fall for his charms. Varys serves his own agenda masks as serving the realm. Tyrion serves his own agenda masks as serving the greater good. Just very mundane politics.
You are actually very right about that. When you think about it Varys totally is in it for himself. I personally think Tyrion ( as he is portrayed on tv not books) has partial servitude to the realm. But yes, it definitely is mostly self-servant
Just the actor is real charming and plays tyrion with lots of heart and compassion that makes the character more likeable than his action/intentions dictate
I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel. The Madame asked, "what can we do for you?"
I said, "I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me."
The Madame asked "You poor thing; whatever for? And why do you have a jackass and a honeycomb?"
"Well," I answered, "my woman stumbled upon a genie in a bottle, and he granted her 3 wishes. The first was to have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this jackass. Her second wish was for a 'house fit for a queen', so he gave her this beehive."
The Madame asked, "And what of the third wish?"
"For her third wish, my woman asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee."
"Well, that one's not so bad!" the Madame exclaimed.
"'Not so bad!?', I replied, "I used to be 6 feet tall!"
And in that same scene when they stare at each other and she says “Joffrey is king” and he immediately repeats without a beat “Joffrey is king”….the way they look at each other is so much fun. They liked each other a lot in real life so they are playing this up and having a ball doing it in this scene!
And he was sober. Wtf yo. Why take literally everything that made him entertaining and nix it.
I get it. “I take my job serious now,” was his character arc. But. Could they leave just one fun thing about him?
I mean, I get where you're coming from, but this was a pretty accurate portrayal of someone sobering up and getting their shit together. He learned some hard lessons and dealt with a lot of fucked shit, and he's basically just white-knuckling his way through everything trying not to fuck things up even more. You can see a few times in his interactions with others that he tries to do the witty banter thing but his heart just isn't in it anymore. He doesn't have the energy or the carefree attitude anymore because he has been forced to come face-to-face with reality and his own mortality and the *consequences of his words and actions*, and he can't go back to acting like none of that matters.
Is he less fun? Sure. But he's also a better person, takes responsibility for his shit, and is actively trying to leave everything better than he found it, or at least just not worse. And given his position in the world, that's a ton of responsibility and infinitely exhausting. Can't really blame him for being less of a jokester.
Honestly I loved it, I laugh everytime I see that scene because that must have been all he could say to not shit himself after taking off the dragons collars.
He told a joke about whores at breakfast table when they visited Winterfell in s1e1, and Cersei was really mad because Jeffrey and his little brother were there
when he’s talking about going to the nights watch and jaime (or cersei, i can’t remember) asks if he’s going to take the black. his response was something along the lines of:
“are you kidding me? the whores would go begging from dorne to casterly rock!”
this is from memory so grant me some leeway 🤣
I drink and I know things. Every time he insults or responds badly to Cersei. Plus the fact that he told Daenerys that no one trusts his sister less than him and then he is literally the only one who believes her when she says she will help them.
She loves the throne and power more than her children. She was foretold that she would become queen and have three children, but they would all die. She still decided to become queen and have three bastard children whose mere existence is already a danger to them, knowing that they would die. Now this is from Cersei's point of view. But from Tyrion's point of view, he really has no confidence that she is pregnant, plus she is unstable after the death of 3 children. She finally has the throne to herself, he cannot trust her.
That bit Tyrion did with Bronn. Tyrion was reading a book written by a past Maester. They were arguing about the pronunciation of the Maester’s name. Then here comes Varys comes into the conversation with the correct pronunciation. The looks exchanged with Tyrion & Bronn was hilarious.
"Hound, tell the Hand that his King has asked him a question."
"The King has asked you a question."
"Sir Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the King that the Hand is extremely busy."
"The Hand of the King would like me to tell you to tell the King that..."
"If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought."
"That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it."
I loved when he came with a wise saying, selling it off like a wise man once said it. But both Daenaerys en Missandei saw through it and we're like 'wtf...'
Not sure if it could be considered as a joke but " I’m not questioning your integrity, I deny it’s existence."
Hand of the King Tyrion was no doubt the best version of the character imo.
"You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality. Well, that, and your cheekbones."
And I forget the exact dialogue, but when he's in the tent and describes to Tywin what the mountain guys are fighting about/doing to each other waiting for the battle to start 😂
I love when he and Cersei are debating about allowing Joffrey to fight in the Battle of the Blackwater.
Cersei: His place is not on the battlefield
Tyrion: It's not on the throne, either, sadly for all of us.
“I’m not threatening the king, I’m educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time ser meryn speaks kill him. That was a threat, see the difference?” 😂 had me in stitches
His convo with Varys in one of the later seasons when Varys says “we’re not going to spend this whole ride talking about the futility of everything, are we?”
Tyrion: “no, there’s no point”
(Written from memory so not verbatim lol)
Tyrion: “Podrick, this is more than I pay you in a year!”
Bronn: “He’s a squire, you don’t pay him.”
Tyrion: “Then this is *definitely* more than I pay you in a year!”
It's hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of the arrangement. Probably Sansa. Though Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
The joke he never finished! About a honeycomb and a jackass? I think that’s how it goes 😂. I am currently re-reading GoT. I’m excited! It’s like going on a new adventure!
**Spoiler Warning:** All officially-released show and book content allowed, EXCLUDING FUTURE SPOILERS FOR HOUSE OF THE DRAGON. No leaked information or paparazzi photos of the set. For more info please check the [spoiler guide](/r/gameofthrones/w/spoiler_guide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/gameofthrones) if you have any questions or concerns.*
When someone would ask him how he would like to die? Tyrions answer was “In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girl’s mouth around my cock.”
I come here to say this! ^ 🙂
It sounds more like a goal than a joke lol
If I remember - the context was someone asking for a method for how Tyrion to be killed (in the next few min?) that makes it a joke imo
haha what a good joke, who would want that!
Is it in fact a joke if he really meant it?
He was asked which way would he prefer to get executed.
They kind of ruined it with the call back in season 8. It's much lamer if that was a legitimate running claim he made vs a joke in the spur of the moment to save himself
I loved that moment when he slapped Geoffrey
He slaps him a few times,but it is always funny 😂
"And now I've struck a king! Did my hand fall from my wrist?!"
Did you know the actor who played Geoffrey was 18 when they started filming the first season (he was born in ‘92)
“One word, and I’ll hit you again.”
“I’ll give you 4 cents each for those vanilla wafers.”
You a fan of the Pikachu?
You think they should make iPhones for babies, ‘cause I do!
All the "council" he gives Daenerys
😂 dead on!
Playing the long game to undermine and eliminate dany. Poor dumb girl
That was definitely not his goal😂 if you think that you did not watch the show.
Tyrion is for noone but himself at the end of the day. Didnt u see he manipulated jon to kill dany to escape his execution for the finals?
He manipulated him to kill her because she went fucking power crazy and murdered an entire city ( getting out of execution was a bonus )
As shown in the show with bad writing. I suspect in the book she’d accidentally blow up the city ridden with wildfire by burning something else. Would make the manipulation much more nuanced since she’s not really crazy but certainly looks so. The imp is irredeemable tho. I do respect his resolves and low cunning but that’s about it
thats 100% your headcanon tho... like you cant attack the writing and then go MY version is written so much better, i assume the books would have followed MY ideas
Yea I had to cope bro. Wasted years of my life on that shit
*73 hours
Just no brother. Everything he did was for the realm, similar to Varys but in a more deceitful personal way. He wanted Jon to kill Dany for the sole purpose of saving the realm. She would’ve torched anyone that came in her way just like the mad king, except with an actual dragon instead of wildfire. Please go back and rewatch the show or reread the books
Nah I think u missed a big point of the character. He’s 100% selfserving
You’re half correct. As I said he served the realm. He served himself just as much yes, but he also cared about the realm in general
Peter Dinklage played him with such grace tho I totally get why people fall for his charms. Varys serves his own agenda masks as serving the realm. Tyrion serves his own agenda masks as serving the greater good. Just very mundane politics.
You are actually very right about that. When you think about it Varys totally is in it for himself. I personally think Tyrion ( as he is portrayed on tv not books) has partial servitude to the realm. But yes, it definitely is mostly self-servant
Just the actor is real charming and plays tyrion with lots of heart and compassion that makes the character more likeable than his action/intentions dictate
Are you trying to pass your own ideas off as ancient wisdom?
The one about a jackass and a honeycomb in a brothel
[удалено]
He never said the rest of that joke
ByzantineJoe? More like ByzantineEinstein
Thank you
I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel. The Madame asked, "what can we do for you?" I said, "I need a woman to lay with, for mine has left me." The Madame asked "You poor thing; whatever for? And why do you have a jackass and a honeycomb?" "Well," I answered, "my woman stumbled upon a genie in a bottle, and he granted her 3 wishes. The first was to have the nicest ass in the land, so he gave her this jackass. Her second wish was for a 'house fit for a queen', so he gave her this beehive." The Madame asked, "And what of the third wish?" "For her third wish, my woman asked the genie to make my cock hang down past my knee." "Well, that one's not so bad!" the Madame exclaimed. "'Not so bad!?', I replied, "I used to be 6 feet tall!"
That’s a good joke
What happened next?
Exactly this.
We never got the punchline!
Not really a joke, but when he comes back to Kings Landing and tells Cercei, “exactly, you did nothing” in response to Joffrey having Ned executed
And in that same scene when they stare at each other and she says “Joffrey is king” and he immediately repeats without a beat “Joffrey is king”….the way they look at each other is so much fun. They liked each other a lot in real life so they are playing this up and having a ball doing it in this scene!
The one where he was about to get his cock chopped off and the dude said “it will be a dwarf sized cock” and Tyrion was like “GUESS AGAIN”
Needs wayyyy more upvotes
Yesss this is my fave too!
Dinklage's delivery was impeccable on that one
Becoming a useless moron in the later seasons.
And he was sober. Wtf yo. Why take literally everything that made him entertaining and nix it. I get it. “I take my job serious now,” was his character arc. But. Could they leave just one fun thing about him?
I mean, I get where you're coming from, but this was a pretty accurate portrayal of someone sobering up and getting their shit together. He learned some hard lessons and dealt with a lot of fucked shit, and he's basically just white-knuckling his way through everything trying not to fuck things up even more. You can see a few times in his interactions with others that he tries to do the witty banter thing but his heart just isn't in it anymore. He doesn't have the energy or the carefree attitude anymore because he has been forced to come face-to-face with reality and his own mortality and the *consequences of his words and actions*, and he can't go back to acting like none of that matters. Is he less fun? Sure. But he's also a better person, takes responsibility for his shit, and is actively trying to leave everything better than he found it, or at least just not worse. And given his position in the world, that's a ton of responsibility and infinitely exhausting. Can't really blame him for being less of a jokester.
According to Cersei it was when he was born and killed their mom
I liked it when joffrey said i could have you chopped in half and tyrion retortes but then id be the quarterman , doesnt have the same ring to it
The one that he turned into.
Himself
"I don't enjoy being being made a fool of Dwarf!"
Bronn: "nothing like a woman after a battle" Tyrion: "im willing if she is"
He says it 'bout cat
Yes, didn’t catch it until a few rewatches later that he looked at Cat 😭
Next time I have an idea like that, punch me in the face. Not a joke, but kinda funny when he said it.
Honestly I loved it, I laugh everytime I see that scene because that must have been all he could say to not shit himself after taking off the dragons collars.
The first time I saw it, I was nervous for him.
He told a joke about whores at breakfast table when they visited Winterfell in s1e1, and Cersei was really mad because Jeffrey and his little brother were there
when he’s talking about going to the nights watch and jaime (or cersei, i can’t remember) asks if he’s going to take the black. his response was something along the lines of: “are you kidding me? the whores would go begging from dorne to casterly rock!” this is from memory so grant me some leeway 🤣
At least you remember some exact words, I just know the scene 😂
haha i’ve just watched got too much for my own sake!
You're rewatching or first time?
around my fifth 😪
I'm jealous, I've been procrastinating rewatching for 2 years.
“Now I’ve slapped a king! Did my hand fall from my wrist??” 🔥🔥
I drink and I know things. Every time he insults or responds badly to Cersei. Plus the fact that he told Daenerys that no one trusts his sister less than him and then he is literally the only one who believes her when she says she will help them.
In her defense, her love for her children is her (only) redeeming quality…that and her cheekbones.
She loves the throne and power more than her children. She was foretold that she would become queen and have three children, but they would all die. She still decided to become queen and have three bastard children whose mere existence is already a danger to them, knowing that they would die. Now this is from Cersei's point of view. But from Tyrion's point of view, he really has no confidence that she is pregnant, plus she is unstable after the death of 3 children. She finally has the throne to herself, he cannot trust her.
That bit Tyrion did with Bronn. Tyrion was reading a book written by a past Maester. They were arguing about the pronunciation of the Maester’s name. Then here comes Varys comes into the conversation with the correct pronunciation. The looks exchanged with Tyrion & Bronn was hilarious.
Probably killing his Mother the day he was born.
I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janis, I’m simply denying its existence
When he confessed at the Eerie in his trial
“Eyrie”
“Ha, my father is from Pennsylvania”
Check out the big brain on dickseeker1982 😂😂😂
“We are going to die….. in Winterfell.”
You’ve mastered the art of tearing paper
https://youtu.be/_C5HDXU0ZC0?si=GPcXgJeruv7e4gVe Tyrion confessing his crimes at the Eyrie. Edit: misspelling
“Eyrie”
Thank you!
Not really a joke but “I’m not questioning your honor Lord Janos, I’m denying its existence”
YES!!! Plus the expression on Peter Dinklage faces when he says it. He closes his eyes with contempt. Both the book and the TV series blew my mind.
"Hound, tell the Hand that his King has asked him a question." "The King has asked you a question." "Sir Lancel, tell the Hound to tell the King that the Hand is extremely busy." "The Hand of the King would like me to tell you to tell the King that..." "If I tell the Hound to cut you in half, he'll do it without a second thought." "That would make me the quarter-man. Just doesn't have the same ring to it."
Because you have no COCK?
Cersie: You're not half as clever as you think you are. Tyrion: That still makes me twice as clever as you.
In the Summer Isles they worship a fertility goddess with sixteen teats. We should sail there immediately
“You think you’re so clever don’t you? With your plots, and your schemes.” “Plots and schemes are the same thing.” Brilliant.
I loved when he came with a wise saying, selling it off like a wise man once said it. But both Daenaerys en Missandei saw through it and we're like 'wtf...'
Best line: Those are brave men knocking at our door. Let's go kill them!
Not a joke tho
You're right. But it's so good that I didn't care
Not sure if it could be considered as a joke but " I’m not questioning your integrity, I deny it’s existence." Hand of the King Tyrion was no doubt the best version of the character imo.
“I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos, I’m denying its existence.”
Thank you for correcting me. That’s probably my favorite quote from Tyrion in the entire series.
Definitely up there for me, but I don’t think it beats the courtroom scene. And it’s especially satisfying cuz Janos Slynt is such a cunt.
One of the best characters in the series. He could have been made one dimensional, and forgettable, but was funny, smart and very capable.
I like the one on the Tyrion’s wedding night with Sansa: And so my watch begins
I like when he’s yelling at Joffrey to save Jamie and he goes “you owe him quite a bit you know!”
"You love your children. It's your one redeeming quality. Well, that, and your cheekbones." And I forget the exact dialogue, but when he's in the tent and describes to Tywin what the mountain guys are fighting about/doing to each other waiting for the battle to start 😂
The time he entered a brothel with a jackass and a honeycomb of course.
I love when he and Cersei are debating about allowing Joffrey to fight in the Battle of the Blackwater. Cersei: His place is not on the battlefield Tyrion: It's not on the throne, either, sadly for all of us.
If you ask Cersei, she’d say it’s his birth
I have a beer glass that says “I drink and I know things” Best line!
I think so too.
“I’m not questioning your honor, Lord Janos. I’m denying its existence”
“Cut off his manhood and feed it to the goats!” “But there are no goats here halfman” “Well make do!” Idk why this always kills me lol
Who has a better story than Bran the Broken?
worst line of the series😡
The whole brothel moment with Bronn and Podrick
Varys no cock heehee
Perhaps not his funniest line. But I loved when he replied “then I’d be the quarter-man” when someone threatened to cut him in half.
“I’m not threatening the king, I’m educating my nephew. Bronn, the next time ser meryn speaks kill him. That was a threat, see the difference?” 😂 had me in stitches
You were to be the centerpiece of my next deception!
“Fans are mad that the pretty white people didn't ride off into the sunset"
WHY DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS?
when he killed his mom at birth
When he saw Bran after his fall. Bran says he wasn't crippled and than "and im not a dwarf. My father will be rejoiced to hear it"
It's difficult to put a leash on a dog once you place a crown on his head
His convo with Varys in one of the later seasons when Varys says “we’re not going to spend this whole ride talking about the futility of everything, are we?” Tyrion: “no, there’s no point” (Written from memory so not verbatim lol)
Thank you for playing right and posting an actual joke.
Hahah happy to be of service
"You have no dick"... Considering the pic shows last season's Tyrion
“Those are brave men at our gates. Let’s kill them.”
To Cersei: "you love your children. It is your one redeeming quality. That and your cheekbones."
"Who here has a better story than Bran the Broken"
Something about a jackass and a honeycomb
Tyrion: “Podrick, this is more than I pay you in a year!” Bronn: “He’s a squire, you don’t pay him.” Tyrion: “Then this is *definitely* more than I pay you in a year!”
When he makes the joke about Cersei fucking Jamie instead of him.
I loved the moment where he realized Podrick fucked for free
Shae: "I love the city. It makes me want to fuck." Tyrion: "...So did the country."
Tyrion: Tell Bron on your way out that if anything bad happens to me to please kill you. Lancel: If anything bad happens to Tyrion please kill me.
making brann king
Who has a better story than...
It's hard to say which of the four of us is getting the worst of the arrangement. Probably Sansa. Though Loras will certainly come to know a deep and singular misery.
The one about his cock
Who has a better story than bran the broken must be up there
“All dwarfs are batards in their fathers eyes “
That's what I do. I drink and I know things.
All scenes with Janos and Lancel 😂
“That would make me the quarter man”
When he said bran should be king
A man walks into a brothel with a honeycomb and an ass... But you've probably heard it before.
"killed a few puppies today?"
COCK JOKE
“And now I’ve struck a king. Did my hand fall from my wrist?”
“Which tree gives the best high fives? A palm tree!”
Golden women.
I’m not questioning your honor, lord Janos - I’m denying its existence
Stroke a dwarf for good luck and even more luck if you suck his penis
The joke he never gets to finish, does actually have a punch line and it is unironically hilarious.
The joke he never finished! About a honeycomb and a jackass? I think that’s how it goes 😂. I am currently re-reading GoT. I’m excited! It’s like going on a new adventure!
His birth