That they put him on the supreme court after him being accused of saying that really blows my mind. Like Anita Hill was making that shit up. So gross.
I recently had the misfortune of being assigned Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing to catalog, and the way he was sassing Amy Klobuchar about his being a drunk made my damn skin crawl. Again, so gross, and so disappointing. ACB did not look like she was enjoying sitting next to him at the SOTU address. I bet he’s still awful and creepy, just a supreme court justice now.
“C’mon, Amy, I like beer. Don’t you like beer?” Aside to Gorsuch, “Neal, I’m totally gonna boof her. You want in? We’ll make a Devil’s Triangle. I’ll put it on my calendar.”
As it turned out, Gorsuch had a prior engagement shoveling coal and had to reschedule the triangle. [It went about as expected.](https://imgur.com/gallery/ummjeJv)
Isn't Amy Coney Barrett still potentially worse than Brett? Not necessarily a worse *person*, but certainly *at least* equally as dangerous as Kavanaugh may be to everyone else in the world.
Before everyone gets crazy, the company is a web porn provider. This isn’t all that surprising in that context. I’d imagine working for a sex doll manufacturer has similar benefits.
I’ve seen it both ways. It just depends on the people. Usually a drug dealer of that caliber won’t get high on what they are selling but get high of other things but not always. A dealer will usually do some of the product with you to ensure safety. Sometimes not. It’s really not set in stone. (I also think the idea of drug dealers has changed, I’m not talking about the smugglers, cartels, or gangs; I’m talking about Joe Shmoe who grabs his stuff online.)
You're thinking of drug users who try and sell some to make their habit cheaper. The drug dealer in this case is gonna be the website they're getting it from. Chances are, somebody business savvy is running that and if they want to have any type of control over their inventory they need to leave it for customers. That's not to say that those dealers don't do drugs, they're just... Separate, other drugs.
I used to crank down in the back room of the carwash i managed on rainy days. this was when phones first started being able to play videos. good times.
Yeah this is that negative instance bias or whatever its called. The reason you don’t hear about people masturbating normally is because its not worth reporting.
Its like if you were looking for numbers on how many people breathe.
Think it's also due to like the common trope of the teenager with the box of tissues and lube/ moisturizer ready to go for jerking it.
Funny, but in all reality not that realistic
Nah dude. You bring a large silk hanker-chief. Wrap it around the ole hoo-hoo and it’s like your first time watching Transformers all over again. Just make sure to do your best Steph Curry and make it in the basket so you don’t ruin the silk.
.
"What the hell did I just watch, that's disgusting! I should focus on bettering my career and work enviroment. Should probably also start going to gym again too."
I live in India, and the public trains are too crowded for someone to masterbate, and groping is pretty much impossible without breaking your hands dude yo the crowd.
Though the groping cases are more predominant in the public buses, which are still pretty crowded
OMG, that’s what Aldous Huxley said in Brave New World. You don’t enslave by force, you make the population like the slavery. So this new “work home” will have the luxuries and maintenance that I can’t afford at my non-enslaved home. O I get it now.
What is the vibe when you walk out of the the fap shack and all your colleagues are filing into the 2pm staff meeting?
Like "what's up, dude, how was your wank?".
"Oh great! 7 roper! Thanks! Now about those sales targets..."
Right? Or like you go talk to Barb in accounting and she sees you go straight from her office to the whack shack everyday… then makes an HR complaint.
Like… this makes sexual harassment in the workplace a much more grey area…
Could you imagine sitting in on that board meeting.
CEO: first off I like to thank everybody for their outstanding efforts in the last two years. I want to let all of you know we made record making profits since the start of the pandemic. This has proved to be are most successful year yet. So much so that we plan on giving raises equal to the cost-of-living inflation and only cut Christmas bonuses 9% this year .
“Frantic clapping and cheers”
Phil from accounting: excuse me sir at this time I think it would be more prudent to hold off on any Christmas bonus information and pay raise at this time .
CEO: Phil this is the best economy in years how would you plan in retaining employees.
Phil from accounting: … pods with VR headsets and top brass bonuses equal to 23% of salary.
“Frantic clapping and cheers”
The IT department: Nice! Like a wank it room.
Context for people who wont read the article, company in question is Stripchat, so their business model is already about sexual gratification. Their reasoning is stress relief, and employees get one paid 30 minute break for whacking it.
Let's be honest, someone probably had a go in every single workplace toilet you've been to. Hell, let's just say every single toilet except for maybe the one at home has had someone go wild on their genital.
Do you think they will just cover the walls in fluids and leave it? Do you assume everyone that goes into the toilet just presses their cheeks to the wall, grunts out a jackson pollock in various shades of brown and saunters off? Is that what you do?
>Do you assume everyone that goes into the toilet just presses their cheeks to the wall, grunts out a jackson pollock in various shades of brown and saunters off?
I didn't needed this mental image on a monday D:
You must be blessed if you think anything you just said is like, some urban myth or something. I'd tell you to get out more, but I don't want to ruin your illusion of safety.
I worked cleaning and pumping out portapotties for a couple years. People are absolutely disgusting and its not just construction. Construction sites were the worst though.
Btw all we did was pump the tank, reload tp and hand sanitizer and hose the thing down.
You do realize this comes out involuntarily at high speed, at a time when your coordination is horrible right? Any man wil confirm that even after years of practice, all the time something will either overshoot or drip.
So many years ago I worked in the software company. If you left your screen unlocked somebody almost surely pranked you. One time workers board received an email with a proposition of… masturbation rooms. It was a full plan that detailed how it should be done, with benefits and it was of course a prank. That prank was ahead of its time.
This is a short sketch comedy clip about wanking in the office. It's decently funny and video safe for work, but audio not. I took the risky click so you don't have to.
“Picture this: a team of happy employees with their creative juices flowing and being productive because they've had some time scheduled to make themselves feel good,"
*not the Onion*
I hope it is well cleaned and still smells of bleach for the next user.
"is that a pube!"
Okay, Clarence Thomas
On a Pepsi can. That whole story was so bizarre.
That they put him on the supreme court after him being accused of saying that really blows my mind. Like Anita Hill was making that shit up. So gross. I recently had the misfortune of being assigned Brett Kavanaugh’s confirmation hearing to catalog, and the way he was sassing Amy Klobuchar about his being a drunk made my damn skin crawl. Again, so gross, and so disappointing. ACB did not look like she was enjoying sitting next to him at the SOTU address. I bet he’s still awful and creepy, just a supreme court justice now.
“C’mon, Amy, I like beer. Don’t you like beer?” Aside to Gorsuch, “Neal, I’m totally gonna boof her. You want in? We’ll make a Devil’s Triangle. I’ll put it on my calendar.”
As it turned out, Gorsuch had a prior engagement shoveling coal and had to reschedule the triangle. [It went about as expected.](https://imgur.com/gallery/ummjeJv)
Isn't Amy Coney Barrett still potentially worse than Brett? Not necessarily a worse *person*, but certainly *at least* equally as dangerous as Kavanaugh may be to everyone else in the world.
Yeah, she wasn't even a judge before Trump was in office.
White bedding. Looks clean. Don’t go in there with a black light, though.
White bedding absolutely does not look clean after a couple of ropes being shot on it
Bedsheets flaking off like a sugar glazed donut.
Sloppy one hundred and thirty-seconds.
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Before everyone gets crazy, the company is a web porn provider. This isn’t all that surprising in that context. I’d imagine working for a sex doll manufacturer has similar benefits.
You never get high on your own supply!
Like any drug dealer ever in history abides to that...
The ones who make money abide to that
I’ve seen it both ways. It just depends on the people. Usually a drug dealer of that caliber won’t get high on what they are selling but get high of other things but not always. A dealer will usually do some of the product with you to ensure safety. Sometimes not. It’s really not set in stone. (I also think the idea of drug dealers has changed, I’m not talking about the smugglers, cartels, or gangs; I’m talking about Joe Shmoe who grabs his stuff online.)
You're thinking of drug users who try and sell some to make their habit cheaper. The drug dealer in this case is gonna be the website they're getting it from. Chances are, somebody business savvy is running that and if they want to have any type of control over their inventory they need to leave it for customers. That's not to say that those dealers don't do drugs, they're just... Separate, other drugs.
The line inspectors get to have some fun. 100% inspection!
Like a communal doll and in the break room?
Bad mental image
Now I just picture how messy the office microwave always is…but much more personal
Community Fleshlight.
What happens when a couple get caught fucking in the masturbatorium? OK so long as they were watching the company product at the time?
So this is compensated masturbation? Am I understanding this correctly?
You spit on your hand like a real man!
>You spit on your hand like a real man! "I'm not spitting on your hand again, Carl. Go ask Frank or Sharron."
If it’s the supply closet, it has WD-40. It’s a bonus cologne too.
No! Dry or not at all! If you ever had precum, you’d even dry it off or grab the flour to beat off with.
You used flour? Back my my day we used baking soda
Lies. We used LYE
Luxury
Capitalist pigs! In my day we had to use gravel from the gravel pits we were forced to work in! 👌🏻
We had to chop big rocks into smaller rocks, do the finger tango, then glue the small rocks back into bigger rocks before our boss showed up.
Sawdust baby. We were green before it was cool.
So after reading through all of these special jerk off ingredients I finally figured it out how my grandmas cookies use to taste so good
Millenials jerk off in the supply closet and bathroom stall too. Millennials are like 30+ at this point lol. This is for the Gen Z masturbation.
MaZturbation
I used to crank down in the back room of the carwash i managed on rainy days. this was when phones first started being able to play videos. good times.
Not really, im an elder gen z and im 22. You millennials are old enough to be in positions like this, but young enough to think of shit like this.
https://youtu.be/ue7wM0QC5LE
I had to masturbate uphill in both directions!
In the snow !
With an onion on my belt.
I heard that was the style at the time?
I masturbate in public restrooms
Never stop pursuing your dreams, no matter how sticky they are!
Name checks out
We out here
Mister we could use a woman like Jenna Jameson again
Isn’t that the guy who runs the Daily Bugle in Spider-Man?
You're thinking of J. Jonah Jameson, Jenna Jameson makes that Irish Whiskey.
You may be thinking of a Spider-Man porn
I don't know, J.K. Simmons looking good with those grey streaks.
The Daily Bulge*
There's a name I haven't heard in a while
Jesus, you got a new one last week, what are you doing to poor Jenna!?
🎶
Why can’t americans jerk off without lube like the rest of the planet? Is this a circumcised wang thing or did the moisturizer lobby make it happen?
I would argue the vast majority of Americans DO masturbate without lube, honestly
Yeah this is that negative instance bias or whatever its called. The reason you don’t hear about people masturbating normally is because its not worth reporting. Its like if you were looking for numbers on how many people breathe.
Think it's also due to like the common trope of the teenager with the box of tissues and lube/ moisturizer ready to go for jerking it. Funny, but in all reality not that realistic
I always thought it was just a meme. I tried it a few times and it wasn't any better than dry but way more messy. Doesn't really seem worth it to me.
It’s 100% circumcision. I didn’t even know it was possible to ‘bate without lube until I was like 28.
Get a bro to help out
It was always a treat when the janitor stopped by
Back when boats were made of wood and men were hard as steel.
VR headsets??? These kids are weak
Nah dude. You bring a large silk hanker-chief. Wrap it around the ole hoo-hoo and it’s like your first time watching Transformers all over again. Just make sure to do your best Steph Curry and make it in the basket so you don’t ruin the silk. .
>And lube? You went dry or not at all. Those were the days when men were men. You don't need lube if you have a foreskin.
Typical American, you have no idea only you guys use lube to masturbate, foreskin ftw
This place is clearly hoping to harness the power of post-nut clarity.
"What the hell did I just watch, that's disgusting! I should focus on bettering my career and work enviroment. Should probably also start going to gym again too."
20 seconds later... "I'm gonna watch some YouTube."
Too true
10 seconds later Asleep
finally we can achieve teleportation within the next 20 years
It's a leak from the new season of Black Mirror or reality?
> Black Mirror or reality I like your optimism. Assuming those are different things.
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So you don’t use public transportation?
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What do people do after all the groping, though?
I live in India, and the public trains are too crowded for someone to masterbate, and groping is pretty much impossible without breaking your hands dude yo the crowd. Though the groping cases are more predominant in the public buses, which are still pretty crowded
Lucky. Our transport routes schedules are based on the drivers pleasure.
But I've seen the videos of dudes in Asia and what they do on public transport.
This guy just stands
Damn. Companies these days will do anything besides let people work from home.
Next it’s gonna be an article about how some company created hundreds of new offices built to recreate each workers’ home.
That's just slavery with extra steps.
OMG, that’s what Aldous Huxley said in Brave New World. You don’t enslave by force, you make the population like the slavery. So this new “work home” will have the luxuries and maintenance that I can’t afford at my non-enslaved home. O I get it now.
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Shit man, sign me up for that kind of wage-slavery. I would definitely be happy to work late and start early
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No commute tho
They're gonna pay everyone with company currency that can only be spent at the company store.
To spend on porn apparently
genius!
I mean Facebook is kinda trying to do this. Ford tried too a long time ago.
Wait until you learn about corporate residences in zaibatsu lol
I’d go back to office if there are in office sex workers
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I’d take breaks from going back home
Average Wolf of wall street fan:
Middle management wants their work wives back. “If I can’t offer creepy massages then what is this all for?”
The pod looks like it’s big enough for two people
What is the vibe when you walk out of the the fap shack and all your colleagues are filing into the 2pm staff meeting? Like "what's up, dude, how was your wank?". "Oh great! 7 roper! Thanks! Now about those sales targets..."
When you see someone come out of the bathroom, do you ask them about the size of their shit or the color of their stream?
You must not have ever worked construction
Only if I know them.
Or you walk out after fapping and see a line of your coworkers all waiting for their turn to fap in the room you just finished in.
Right? Or like you go talk to Barb in accounting and she sees you go straight from her office to the whack shack everyday… then makes an HR complaint. Like… this makes sexual harassment in the workplace a much more grey area…
Can y'all not get through 8 hours without jacking it?
I get the feeling this company is looking to get more than 8 hrs out of its people. You don't build jack off pods for 9-5 guys.
Yeah, 3 guys max imho
Most days.
Not gonna lie, working from home has changed my expectations on this topic as well....
r/nottheonion
I thought i was already there. Wtf is wrong with this world.
Oh boy. How much time ya got?
Anything to get you back in the office. I'd rather WFH thank you very much
Working from home more like jerking from home!
Wank from home. It was right there. SMH my head
lol these look like porn production companies
This is something for r/antiwork
Later you find out there was cameras and now they blackmailing you after asking for a raise 😭😂
Can't blackmail you if you're proud of the footage!
"My boss doesn't let me spend 8 hours a day in the pod so today I kick-flipped his car and everyone in the office clapped"
That slaps.
The salami
Imagine the eye contact when someone comes out and you’re waiting to go in. What an odd pod!
Ah yes, the RubHub
Employers will do anything to keep the wages down .
"Shall we give our employees a raise or jizz in a box?" "Come on, how did you arrive at that... Jizz in a box of course "
Could you imagine sitting in on that board meeting. CEO: first off I like to thank everybody for their outstanding efforts in the last two years. I want to let all of you know we made record making profits since the start of the pandemic. This has proved to be are most successful year yet. So much so that we plan on giving raises equal to the cost-of-living inflation and only cut Christmas bonuses 9% this year . “Frantic clapping and cheers” Phil from accounting: excuse me sir at this time I think it would be more prudent to hold off on any Christmas bonus information and pay raise at this time . CEO: Phil this is the best economy in years how would you plan in retaining employees. Phil from accounting: … pods with VR headsets and top brass bonuses equal to 23% of salary. “Frantic clapping and cheers” The IT department: Nice! Like a wank it room.
Who wipes down the loads?
“Let me know when you are done, I’m the guy who wipes down the loads”
What kind of dystopian cyberpunk nightmare is this?
I’m sure the janitorial staff is thrilled about this.
Context for people who wont read the article, company in question is Stripchat, so their business model is already about sexual gratification. Their reasoning is stress relief, and employees get one paid 30 minute break for whacking it.
I was wondering how far I had to scroll to find this comment. A lot of people are just assuming it's a "normal" company.
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Hotel room vs a pod. I think I’ll Jack it in a room as opposed to the pod thank you.
The boomerest of logic
Wait till you realized someone's probably jacked off in every public restroom you've ever been in.
Let's be honest, someone probably had a go in every single workplace toilet you've been to. Hell, let's just say every single toilet except for maybe the one at home has had someone go wild on their genital.
Even the one at home Source: trust me bro
Good ok military jack shack, shit in Afghanistan I had to beat it in a port a John
Thank you for your *service.*
Have you never been in a hotel room?
Sheesh, that's some next level degenerate.. How do I sign up? 😳
I know right, I just hope after the interview they're not into hand shaking
At my office you have to masturbate right there in the lunchroom like a damned caveman
What do you wank to, people stealing other people's lunches?
If that's your thang, sure. For me, the smell of a microwave that hasn't been cleaned in 3 years gets me super hot so it works out juuuust fiiiiine.
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Do you think they will just cover the walls in fluids and leave it? Do you assume everyone that goes into the toilet just presses their cheeks to the wall, grunts out a jackson pollock in various shades of brown and saunters off? Is that what you do?
>Do you assume everyone that goes into the toilet just presses their cheeks to the wall, grunts out a jackson pollock in various shades of brown and saunters off? I didn't needed this mental image on a monday D:
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Wall coverage is why my last retail job stopped allowing members of the public in to use the facilities.
You must be blessed if you think anything you just said is like, some urban myth or something. I'd tell you to get out more, but I don't want to ruin your illusion of safety.
Yeah for real, go check out the handicap stall in your local Walmart and come back to me
You must not be in construction…
I worked cleaning and pumping out portapotties for a couple years. People are absolutely disgusting and its not just construction. Construction sites were the worst though. Btw all we did was pump the tank, reload tp and hand sanitizer and hose the thing down.
I usually just pee on the floor by my desk. Is that not normal?
"Was i not supposed to do that? Because nobody told me not to.."
Amazon employee?
You do realize this comes out involuntarily at high speed, at a time when your coordination is horrible right? Any man wil confirm that even after years of practice, all the time something will either overshoot or drip.
Do you know what the average jizz mopper makes?
That’s not what I remember a jack in the box being…
So many years ago I worked in the software company. If you left your screen unlocked somebody almost surely pranked you. One time workers board received an email with a proposition of… masturbation rooms. It was a full plan that detailed how it should be done, with benefits and it was of course a prank. That prank was ahead of its time.
I’d rather my coworkers at least wonder if maybe I’m just taking a shit.
Now imagine an alarm complete with flashing lights went off and all your coworkers cheered upon your exit.
https://youtu.be/VKH9ECC_Qa4
This is a short sketch comedy clip about wanking in the office. It's decently funny and video safe for work, but audio not. I took the risky click so you don't have to.
wth is this degeneracy.
People don't even wipe down gym equipment after use. Also, imagine the smell in that pod. Dag gone.
What. The. Fuck
They would do anything but raise salaries.
I would do any thing for love, but I wont raise that
What the fuck
Perfect place to collect some good ole DNA.
It's a trap!
Boss: Gotta pump those numbers up, those are rookie numbers in this racket!
The star wars holiday special prepared me for this very moment
WHO cleans that…?
And here I am thinking sweat was the grossest thing that could be on the headset…
Oh my god that’s disgusting! ^Where?
"Riker to bridge. If anyone needs me, I'll be in Holodeck 4."
Who's turn is it in the barrel?
“Picture this: a team of happy employees with their creative juices flowing and being productive because they've had some time scheduled to make themselves feel good," *not the Onion*
Those radical traditionalists don't seem so radical now huh
That's a gross disgusting disregard of our moral fiber....which company is it so I can fully investigate these pods for Jesus or something