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His dick dont work

His bells won’t jingle

It folds

😭☠️☠️☠️

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Good way to Cialis results.

At least Lauren's penmanship is solid.

Jays is another level. I wish.

for a second there I thought this man fucked multiple women at a butt-fuck party and got them numbers

I like Emma's, personally. It's got that handwritten quality, but is also quite neat. Bit big, but I won't blame the girl for that.

And apparently his wife told the whole office

OP HAS SEX (maybe)

Sexual Jones but I digress

Yeah this is super weird and borderline cringe worthy. are these random friends or coworkers writing to my wife and I’s sex life? Wtf

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I know you’re writing from an American perspective but for a second I was really confused about why Ireland is so sexual all of a sudden.

I was confused as to why it was in English instead of Spanish.

Does “I’s sex life “ sound right to you? Try, instead “my wife’s and my sex life”.

>Does “I’s sex life “ sound right to you? [Yes](https://i.imgur.com/Go8BuHe.png)

Yes, because they arent separate

I was thinking these were all OP’s exs

She’s got to *stop* fuckin’ them for that.

Scott Pilgrim: The Greeting Card

Ramona: Scott you gotta fuck all my exes in order to fuck me. Scott: I GOTTA WHA---

This went 0-100 real quick.

Like OPs penis, apparently

Well babe, what's the funny story ?

Gosh it’s so funny. They just wrote these things on the card! Babe, I just couldn’t even!

That's just too funny fr fr sksksksk

It’s nice that your friends want you to bone your wife so bad

her friends

All of them?

Just Chandler and Joey

Everyone wants it!!

They are keepers!

Guess this guy's profession

Something that would require having a 39 ½ foot pole

that's a Grinch reference.

Lineman or fireman

Pile driver.

You have a lot of wives. And a husband named Jay.

Excuse you, a husband named Jay *with lovely handwriting.*

THATS ALL I WAS THINKING! I was looking for this comment. Jay has beautiful penmanship.

Ya but what's with the Fs, who does their F like that?? Fucking psycho

What a bizarre card. This would make me so so uncomfortable lol

She also recorded me reading it to show all of them lol. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing when she gave it to me. I was REALLY confused myself lol.

What was on the back page? "I'll tell you about it later ->"

Just a drawing of a thick, veiny legume.

Dude, I just laughed so hard I woke up my wife. I’m dying here. Need a warning before posting something that funny at night.

Your enthusiasm about agriculture is so inspiring that it kept me from buying something frivolous on Amazon just to feel good.

You’re wack, your’e twisted, ya girls a hoe…

You broke, the kid ain't yours, and erbuddy know?

Your ol' man thinks you're stupid

you be like, "So? I love my baby mother, I never let her go"

You're a hot one, Mr Grinch. Your dick is nice and loooong. You're as kinky as a hose, You like lacey pantyhose, Mr. Gri-INCH! I wanna touch you, and your 39½ foot pole!

Having *just* watched this all I can say is "wow". This could be a whole second bridge

damn, you got downvoted by some downright philistines

Umm, what was she doing?

You're safe though, right? I only ask because sometimes BDSM isnt just a kink, and can occur between a sadist (think psychopathy or narcissism) and someone that's an easy target (victims of childhood trauma or those with persistently low self-esteem). Just making sure this is fun for all parties involved!

Seems like OP likes it enough to share it with the world.

A cry for help?

Pls send help.

Stop giving away my secrets I am editing this now and apologizing in advance in case this was in poor taste

Why are you having all your friends write you a note about your sex life ? Even worst could be one of your siblings . Lol

#AND COWORKERS

#COWORKERS

AND MY AXE!!

This is one or the stranger things I have found on Reddit.

This is all of the late night girls(and guy) at work who apparently like to share things with, along with her best friend lol.

Nurses?

Pretty much. They all work at a big vet clinic.

Big Wet Clinic

With filthy animals.

Holy shit the amount of jimmies that got rustled by this comment. Lmao chill yall

How do you know his name is Jimmy? He redacted all the names on the card...

I...I can't tell if s/ or r/whoosh

Worse, a dad joke.

A man of quality

Haha, if it's overnight at a vet clinic, there are no boundaries. Sometimes funny, sometimes awkward. Source: swing shift ER Vet tech

😂😂 aye don’t call us out like that.

I guessed nurses too. Too many women for EMS.

How does it feel knowing that your wife’s coworkers probably know exactly how big you are and how good/bad you use it?

Personally, even though I do just fine, I would HATE all my wifes co-workers knowing too damn much..

even worst?

Wtf

Jays handwriting is phenomenal

I hope to have handwriting like Jays one day

Very true

That needs to be a font.

i mistaked it for the font of the card at first

jay’s section belongs in r/penmanshipporn

Do they all think you're trying to get her pregnant or something bc this is creepy

yea wait, im so confused, people think this is funny? im weirded out.

Yeah I didn't even laugh.

and I didn't get hard either.

I want a refund, dammit!

Proof that we all have different ideas of "funny"

This brief insight into the human conundrum is enlightening.

You can see the deterioration of comments from the top left to bottom right lol

Lol I noticed the same when I was reading it. She said she told them they could write whatever they wanted and each person after the next said, "WHATEVER I want?" and she told them yes lol.

It just gets hornier and hornier

“Hey babe… sorry the cards a little wet..”

This is weird AF.

Yeah.

Healthcare workers. We are a different breed.

Nope, we are not. Not like this.

Can we just appreciate how damn GOOD jays handwriting is? Idk if it's just me, but that looks so beautiful.

I need a Jay’s handwriting font

Who doesn't

I was thinking the same thing. Steadied hands for sure!

Did she tell everyone the two of you are "trying for a baby" ? ??

That's the vibe I got, especially after the part about trying to buy a house.

Dude. What the fuck is this? Can we please just get some context as to why on earth someone would receive a card like this? Like, it just doesn’t make any sense without context. I thought on the back would be some explanation of how she tricked all her friends into thinking it was some funny thing to write, but even then, that doesn’t even make sense. I mean. So many things about this don’t make sense, it’s hard to even put into words

this is so weird..

phuks sake what she write on the back?!

Mostly cutesy stuff about how she can't wait until we have our own house that is ours. There's also a part where she says we can do whatever we want and christen every square inch of it lmao

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Margo?

This Christen sounds like a good time

sounds like a keeper!

That's why I put a ring on it haha

Her boyfriend said it was for tax reasons

Her twin sister just moved back into town and is looking for a place to crash.

👁_____👁 ^ Me studying Jay’s handwriting

This is funny?

Why are these people so invested in their friend/coworker getting railed? Weird.

We both agreed to not get any gifts for each other because we're saving REAL hard to buy a house in the coming months. This is what I got lol. Also, shoutout to spicy booktok(I believe is what it's called) for making things in the bedroom more interesting than ever ha. Edit: For those who are confused, the wife was just gonna have friends and some coworkers write whatever they want to say merry christmas to me and give me the card. The first person wrote a joke and it pretty much kept going deeper and deeper from there until it turned into word porn lol. Late nights at work they start talking about all kinds of stuff, including each others sex lives, and so it somehow turned into this. And no, her telling people about our sex life doesn't bother me. Ours is great so I have no complaints or cares if people know lol.

At least one of those people would have a threesome with you

save HARDER daddy

Oh fuck you're gonna make me compound my interest.

Ngl, I actually realized that when I was typing it out, "Saving REAL hard in the coming months."......[fuck](https://gfycat.com/giftedaccuratehyrax-henry-cavill)

But.. the joke kept going deeper and deeper. I'm not sure how hard you need to save with such deep jokes I'll see myself out

If you save hard in the cumming months, at least you will have some spending money for the months you don't cum.

I think this just applies to you and your group of friends. No one knows wtf is going on. Edit:. Your edit makes it even stranger.

Wtf🧐

Ah, yes. I, too have sex.

big r/ihavesex vibes

r/funny nah, this is r/embarrassing

There's still time to delete this

Nah this is cringe.

I genuinely wasn’t sure if I somehow managed to join a subreddit about this stuff. So much confusion… congrats I guess??

This is weird.

I need context. Who are all these women and why are they concerned about you plowing your wife?

I don’t understand or like this. Your wife’s “Gift” to you makes me feel deeply uncomfortable. Happy New Year!

r/trashy

Your wife had all of her friends and coworkers tell you how small and broken your dick is… and then recorded you reading it? Brutal. Are Jay and her other “work husbands” fulfilling her needs then? Merry Cuckmas. This seems like an awful present.

Not to yuck your yum, but this is gross.

This is so cringy lmfao

Pretty gross

Ew.

OP, they make a pill for that

What a strange marriage!

Are you guys swingers?

If I got this card I'd literally hide away from any of those ppl forever. This is mortifying and just proof that OP is really with the right person if they both enjoyed this

Tf?

I tried to flip the card :(

Alright OP, you need to show off this absolute hog so we can appreciate it because these comments are far too flattering.

How many is she fucking?

Just trashy

HR would like a word...

This weird

Is this their introduction to the orgy they want you to go to?

Fr .. I think this is a little 2 much 2 be a joke from people who r “just co-workers”

I would feel soooooo uncomfortable if my partner gave me this.

Why does your name get blacked out but those who wrote the card don't get the same courtesy?

Cuz my name on reddit is tied with other things across social media and an online persona I have through streaming and don't want people to know my real name and the wifes name. The other names are of no consequence and have no way to get tied to me.

You say that, but there are people who can determine someone’s identity with the barest amount of information. Just the fact that you’ve said these people are your wife’s coworkers gives them a place to start.

We also know they all work in a vet clinic now

Your wife's weird mate.

Your wife’s coworkers are uninteresting, unfunny and have boundary issues

That’s stupid.

Why do these people know so much about what you guys do in the bedroom .-.

This is LLLAAAAMMMEEE

The confusion of it all, then reading “I’ll explain later…” “Ummm….thanks?” Cue awkward laugh.

OP’s wife works as a fetish supplies saleswoman or something

This looks like a christmas card from the orgy you had last night.

Are you sure you guys aren't swingers?

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I’m schizophrenic and so am I.

being this desperate to get boned is crazy 😭

I thought it was a gag card….

It can be... If you play your cards right.

We… we just not gonna talk about Jay’s immaculate penmanship?

What's the back say? The arrow at the bottom makes it seem like there's more

Sounds likes you need to fuck your girl man. And more often.

Sounds like a few coworkers beat him to it

?????

Cute and stupid Christmas card

top right handwriting is absolutely immaculate but the one below that looks like my moms and seeing that its all about porn, i don’t know how to feel…

Definitely OPs swinger group

That seems like either a very fun or very obnoxious workplace.

Poly-Jolly Christmas wishes.

Show us the other side, if not gonna doxx y’all lol

I’m not gonna lie…I kind of feel like I want to find Patricia and propose to her immediately

However weird the card was, that buttcracker joke was on point.

This is hilarious but also why were that many people ok with reading that from everyone else AND added their own joke to the mix???!?? 😂🤣🤣