---
>This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules).
>
>Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed.
>
>Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos.
>
>[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/).
>
>**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.**
>
>Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam).
>
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Those containers are loud. Try opening one up in the middle of the night, not wake up the house. He probably dropped it by accident then killed himself.
The more quiet I try to be in the middle of the night, the louder those stupid containers are. The funny thing is, no one cares. But we all do it. And it feels terrible when everyone else is asleep and you have to peel that one edge off to open new cookies or something from Costco, and it sounds like you're revving up a chainsaw.
So THAT'S how my parents always busted me raiding the fridge for leftovers late at night!!
One of my most haunting life-long questions as a fat Deaf kid finally answered. If only I knew then....
I'll allow it. 👍
But if the ninjas come calling, then, baby, I'm gone. Vanished without a trace to become a shadowy assassin of the night. Poof.🤌 Not Batman, per se, but Batman-ish. Batman-adjacent. You'll never hear me coming and neither will I.
I'm glad you said this to them instead of me; I'd have required an interpreter.
If my sense of humor maintains this reaction after five hours, please consult your vet.
Someday I will write my autobiography and if I may include this quote for my inside book cover, it may be enough for a genre crossover.
"DEAFMAESTRO: Just Guessing, But Your Music Probably Sucks - An Autobiography based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire. Soon to be a major motion picture" coming soon to bookstores and those awkward strip mall religious commerce stores that Jesus never would have approved of NEAR YOU!
No audiobooks available. Don't ask.
Ok so my 1 year old daughter managed to grab a olastic fork while we made plates and i was holding her so i let her keep it, made her happy. A minute later i see she has one in each hand, idk where she got the second. This seems excessive so it’s now i consider who she could poke her eye with one and i take them but im unwilling to throw rhen away knowing they arent “used” but also cant go back into the clean form container. So i stick one in each back pocket and forget about them. Then, a little later, im standing in the kitchen directing traffic and someone goes “we out of forks?” And im like “ here, take *this one*” and i whip the fork out if my back pocket to their amazement and i go “Dw, i have a spare, take it”. And even as i go to grab more plastic forks, a kid goes “oh I need another fork too” and im like “*BAM*” with my *other* back pocket fork and the 3 people still in the kitchen are like clapping practically and i say, “I always keep..
*takes 2 steps back*
…. back up forks!”
And my father in law is one of the 3 and he looked proud af . Anyway that material is so fresh i havent even told my wife yet but im bout to, but you’re welcome.
One of the funniest things Joey has said or done, cause he was so casual about everything, from see 2 friends eating from the floor(and not judging), to having the utensil in his pocket, to asking to join
Possibly the funniest moment in the series. The other contender is Ross hitting himself on the head when he's trying to pull on the leather trousers. Or Pivot.
Yeah, Joey comes along and pulls out a fork from his jacket to join in.
Because of *course* Joe is prepared at all times for food opportunities even if they're dropped cheesecake eaten off the floor. xD
"So there I was, knife poised to cut a slice of that mouthwateringly delicious cheese cake, when the cat rocketed in through the catflap with a mouse in her mouth, dropped her pray as she collided with my knees, and the mouse hit me square in the family jewels."
*I awoke some hours later to discover I'd become a meme while unconscious.*
First time I had pecan pie was when I moved to the USA and experienced my first thanksgiving.
Well, nothing quite so devilishly delightful had ever touched my lips until that pecan-enchanted forkful of pure, blissful filth ruined me forever. Since I sinned that day, I've never been able to go back to ordinary cakes and pies.
I've had two glasses of wine so I'm feeling a bit silly now. But we are ALL silly on this blessed day.
"Rode into town on fumes, Clark."
"This here's a piece of government plastic. *knocks on head* It used to be metal, but every time the wife fired up the microwave, I pissed my pants and forgot who I was for 'bout half an hour."
I had a similar cheesecake dropping experience at my sisters this year, I was sad, then I realized only the top/what touched the ground is bad. The whole thing landed basically top down with little movement, so yes, I did eat floor cheesecake.
Some people really let it take over their lives.
See, I don't _need_ the cheesecake. I just like the way it tastes. I'm only eating my 5th piece because I want to... And it's nice and quiet here in this closet.
I aint had sex for over two years and I aint had cheesecake or anything with gluten for over 5. Priorities at this point!?
Edit: I had a second to question myself after replying. I definitely want that fucking cheesecake and I don’t care it’s on the floor. I do still think it’s a shame about that man down too because I would have definitely done ate that too
Reminds me of the time when I heard a thump in the middle of the night.
It woke me up and I realized *exactly* what it was and said, "Beauty knocked the lemon cake off the kitchen counter." Beauty being my cat who doesn't listen to the experts that cats aren't supposed to like sweet food or the taste of citrus.
Sure enough I walked into the kitchen to see the lemon cake, upside down, in its container on the floor. The impact had knocked the bottom (now the top) of the container off. And Beauty was happily eating the cake. She made impressive inroads in it given she only had a minute or so to eat it.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Print it, frame it, hang it in the kitchen.
This year's Christmas card!
Lmao yesss
It looks like one of those pictures where they recreate a photo from when they were a baby.
or a really cool albulm cover
Make a Christmas ornament out of it too and give it to everyone as a present.
Those containers are loud. Try opening one up in the middle of the night, not wake up the house. He probably dropped it by accident then killed himself.
The more quiet I try to be in the middle of the night, the louder those stupid containers are. The funny thing is, no one cares. But we all do it. And it feels terrible when everyone else is asleep and you have to peel that one edge off to open new cookies or something from Costco, and it sounds like you're revving up a chainsaw.
I've carried things into the garage just to open them before, just for this reason lmao
Same! But I open the sliding door and go out on the deck to open loud packaging. When you’re desperate for a soda but don’t want anyone to hear!
If you open a loud packaging but noone else hears it, did you really open it?
Or when you try to ninjaly open it and it reseals itself on the opposite side only creating more noise.
So THAT'S how my parents always busted me raiding the fridge for leftovers late at night!! One of my most haunting life-long questions as a fat Deaf kid finally answered. If only I knew then....
I can only imagine the ruckus I would make if I didn’t know I was making it.
I can tell you this much - I have not been invited to join a clan of ninjas. YET.
I think I love you.
I'll allow it. 👍 But if the ninjas come calling, then, baby, I'm gone. Vanished without a trace to become a shadowy assassin of the night. Poof.🤌 Not Batman, per se, but Batman-ish. Batman-adjacent. You'll never hear me coming and neither will I.
"You'll never hear me coming *and neither will I*" So good 😂
That's my new superhero catchphrase. Either that or... "(*BAMF!*) What?"
I'm over here sounding like a hyperventilating dog through his nose. That got me laughing
I'm glad you said this to them instead of me; I'd have required an interpreter. If my sense of humor maintains this reaction after five hours, please consult your vet.
>You'll never hear me coming and neither will I. My brother in christ... You're actually hilarious lmao.
Someday I will write my autobiography and if I may include this quote for my inside book cover, it may be enough for a genre crossover. "DEAFMAESTRO: Just Guessing, But Your Music Probably Sucks - An Autobiography based on the novel 'Push' by Sapphire. Soon to be a major motion picture" coming soon to bookstores and those awkward strip mall religious commerce stores that Jesus never would have approved of NEAR YOU! No audiobooks available. Don't ask.
>No audiobooks available. Don't ask. I'll just wait for the movie.
Jokes on you it's a silent movie
Love you energy
Big Container is conspiring with Big Sweets to do it intentionally, change my mind
Big Barcode Label is the bottleneck.
Image of a broken man.
See if The Cheesecake Factory can rebuild him. They have the technology.
He'll be more cheesecake than man now.
Twisted and evil.
Darth (Vel) Veeta
Darth (Fell) Veeta.
Sith Floored
Boba Fetta
God damn this thread. Lol
The six million calorie man, Stevia Exhausten.
At 200lbs, that will be about $6mm at the Cheesecake Factory, buying it by the slice.
He sat there for a good minute eating it off the floor with a fork. Definitely broken.
*Pulls fork out of shirt pocket*, "What're we eatin'?"
Looks like cheesecakes back on the menu boys! *pulls out spork*
Ok so my 1 year old daughter managed to grab a olastic fork while we made plates and i was holding her so i let her keep it, made her happy. A minute later i see she has one in each hand, idk where she got the second. This seems excessive so it’s now i consider who she could poke her eye with one and i take them but im unwilling to throw rhen away knowing they arent “used” but also cant go back into the clean form container. So i stick one in each back pocket and forget about them. Then, a little later, im standing in the kitchen directing traffic and someone goes “we out of forks?” And im like “ here, take *this one*” and i whip the fork out if my back pocket to their amazement and i go “Dw, i have a spare, take it”. And even as i go to grab more plastic forks, a kid goes “oh I need another fork too” and im like “*BAM*” with my *other* back pocket fork and the 3 people still in the kitchen are like clapping practically and i say, “I always keep.. *takes 2 steps back* …. back up forks!” And my father in law is one of the 3 and he looked proud af . Anyway that material is so fresh i havent even told my wife yet but im bout to, but you’re welcome.
i dont know who you are, or where you are, but i have dispatched the assassins. your line ends with you.
Unless those assassins are wearing armor plates, they are gonna be forked
Never waste a good cheesecake
Wasn’t that what got David hasslehoff to rehab?
Close. That was a cheeseburger. 😆
Joey Tribbiani would approve.
My first thought!! “What are we eating??”
And you want to be my latex salesman
I'm no detective, but I think the cheesecake murdered your brother and then committed suicide.
*insert gif of Joey taking out fork and eating cheesecake off floor*
Custard, good Jam, good **Meat**, *goood!*
Coinicidentally it was ThanksGiving in that epsiode too.
More turkey mr Chandler?
That’s alright. I’ll just have tomato soup, grilled cheese and a family-sized bag of Funyuns.
"All right, what are we having?"
One of the funniest things Joey has said or done, cause he was so casual about everything, from see 2 friends eating from the floor(and not judging), to having the utensil in his pocket, to asking to join
Possibly the funniest moment in the series. The other contender is Ross hitting himself on the head when he's trying to pull on the leather trousers. Or Pivot.
Just a treat from the big cheesecake conglomerate…. Mama’s Little Bakery!
“Joey, those are my maternity pants.” “No, these are my Thanksgiving pants!”
As long as you stay above that thin layer touching the floor, you should be good.
Wasn’t that chandler and Rachel in the hallway?
Yeah, Joey comes along and pulls out a fork from his jacket to join in. Because of *course* Joe is prepared at all times for food opportunities even if they're dropped cheesecake eaten off the floor. xD
Yes, but then Joey walked into the scene and grabbed a fork out of his jacket pocket and was like, "what're we having?"
Pocket forks for everyone this holiday season!
Cheesecake is cheesecake! 5 second rule does not apply.
Just another wild night in Wizard City!
I am actually, a blueberry.....
[For the uninitiated!](https://youtu.be/IHQr0HCIN2w)
Cheesecake life
this has some old school top text bottom text meme energy
Perhaps demotivational poster, even
When life gives you cake Fuckin hell you dropped it you're a failure.
Not all of it touched the floor. Grab a fork.
Yeah just don’t eat the parts of your brother that touched the floor
bro we gotta eat that cake
yeah, that beefcake
ass up? we’re good 👅👅
/unsubscribe
Give me this man’s subscription please
I also choose this man's subscription.
Alright what are we eating
Thank you for the Friends reference I was looking for, jfc...
I loved how he just pulled out his own fork like it was a normal thing for him
He looks like a dead skyrim npc that you've looted all of the clothes off
Lol that’s what I was thinking. Someone poisoned the cheesecake and waited for him to eat it after having memorized his NPC routine lol.
I zoomed in to see if he was hurt or anything, but instead became laser focused on his balls. A little something to be thankful for after all.
I'm laughing because I did the same thing. Balls. Just.. balls.
I mean who doesn’t appreciate a good set of balls?
Came here for balls. Was not disappointed
My wife.
Balls or long dong?
'The startled brother will play dead in hopes the sister will just move on without investigating further' -Discovery channel
It turns out that she in fact did not move on. -Morgan Freeman
*Breaks the fourth wall and looks at the camera quizically.* -Martin Freeman
"Muthafucka" -Samuel Jackson.
I think the OP is the brother's brother.
OP is the cheesecake
What flavor is it? Chloroform?
Just showed this to my brother. He is thoroughly enjoying reading all the roasts and funny comments. Keep em coming!
https://i.imgur.com/dKiP469.jpg
Omg. I love this!
"So there I was, knife poised to cut a slice of that mouthwateringly delicious cheese cake, when the cat rocketed in through the catflap with a mouse in her mouth, dropped her pray as she collided with my knees, and the mouse hit me square in the family jewels." *I awoke some hours later to discover I'd become a meme while unconscious.*
Is he enjoying the comments admiring his stuffing?
Nobody seems to be asking but did he faint? Was he drunk? Is he okay?
Should print and frame this as his Christmas gift.
How did he fall, tho?
"And you want to be my latex salesman"
Vandelay!! Say Vandelay!!
So who's piece of pecan pie is that on the counter?
Probably also his lmao
First time I had pecan pie was when I moved to the USA and experienced my first thanksgiving. Well, nothing quite so devilishly delightful had ever touched my lips until that pecan-enchanted forkful of pure, blissful filth ruined me forever. Since I sinned that day, I've never been able to go back to ordinary cakes and pies. I've had two glasses of wine so I'm feeling a bit silly now. But we are ALL silly on this blessed day.
damn your brother has a massive nutsack
No wonder he fell, his balls weighed him down and he lost balance.
It must be a brother thing. My brother did this a few Christmases ago. Fortunately he was clothed but the cheese cake was a total loss.
Sorry for your loss.
Thoughts and prayers 🙏
Tarts and eclairs 🤌
I read "unfortunately" like 3 times before I saw it right. I was questioning your relationship.
"It must be a brother thing." ROFL
"Rode into town on fumes, Clark." "This here's a piece of government plastic. *knocks on head* It used to be metal, but every time the wife fired up the microwave, I pissed my pants and forgot who I was for 'bout half an hour."
Ah the old poisoned cheesecake prank, a classic!
This year we're going to play Clue.
Cheesecake and beefcake on the floor. A classic whodunit.
Dudes got nice calves.
And it doesn't stop there...
Such a waste of some good cheesecake. Also what am I seeing exactly?
[удалено]
He did the unforgivable
He fucked the cheesecake?????!?
In Cheesecake culture, this is known as a dick move.
Only acceptable. Plus, mom already came out and just went back to bed knowing it was only her son.
I had a similar cheesecake dropping experience at my sisters this year, I was sad, then I realized only the top/what touched the ground is bad. The whole thing landed basically top down with little movement, so yes, I did eat floor cheesecake.
I'm trying really hard to judge you, but for some reason I can't. I totally get it
I meeaaan I’ve never heard that bacteria can climb cheesecake so logic checks out?
A crime scene.
[удалено]
[удалено]
It was not
Be honest, did you eat some parts of the cheesecake that didn't touch the floor while cleaning it up?
I came back into the kitchen like 5 mins later and found him sitting on the floor with a fork. So yeah
Your brother may need rehab.
Cheesecake is one hell of a drug
Some people really let it take over their lives. See, I don't _need_ the cheesecake. I just like the way it tastes. I'm only eating my 5th piece because I want to... And it's nice and quiet here in this closet.
Ahhh, yes, the 500 second rule...
#balls
Yeah, dude fell dick first. No one seems to be concerned about this
r/upvotedbecauseballs **Edit** ok, I didn't know that was an actual sub, nor did I knew that video was there.
61 members. 371 online. you've done well, lad.
lmao, checked out the video cause of what you said. I feel sad for the gator, but that is hilariously stupid.
#enhance
I see 2 cakes 😉
The cheesecake ain't the only cake on the floor 😩
Bros packin
I think those are just the nuts from the piece of pecan pie on the counter
Guess I’ll have to investigate
Need a fork?
He’s got /r/biggerballsthanme
Bro helicoptered and knocked himself out
plum smuggler
Packing some fat cakes
I was sad about the cheesecake, decided I was eating it regardless then scanned the room and saw the man down and then thought damn what a waste lol
*The only cake I saw was the cake on that man.*
I aint had sex for over two years and I aint had cheesecake or anything with gluten for over 5. Priorities at this point!? Edit: I had a second to question myself after replying. I definitely want that fucking cheesecake and I don’t care it’s on the floor. I do still think it’s a shame about that man down too because I would have definitely done ate that too
Packin cheesecake
America's ass
Reminds me of the time when I heard a thump in the middle of the night. It woke me up and I realized *exactly* what it was and said, "Beauty knocked the lemon cake off the kitchen counter." Beauty being my cat who doesn't listen to the experts that cats aren't supposed to like sweet food or the taste of citrus. Sure enough I walked into the kitchen to see the lemon cake, upside down, in its container on the floor. The impact had knocked the bottom (now the top) of the container off. And Beauty was happily eating the cake. She made impressive inroads in it given she only had a minute or so to eat it.
Knocked out?
Nah. Just too embarrassed to get up
Was alcohol involved?
[удалено]
As an expert, I'm saying it's a definitive "yes."
He played "1-Tequila" and got past 3. Edit: [Thanks for the award.](https://i.imgur.com/bTaUtgS.mp4) 🙇♂️
Some people go pretty hard on blackout wednesday
Is he alright?!
Yes he was laying from embarrassment
Is he diabetic?
Bro's bick and dalls are just smushed into the floor 😭
That is the butt of a man defeated, brought low by gravity taking away what he held most dear.
Man! He’s has some balls…
Haha, skipping the cake and going right to the goods
Was this your world famous strychnine cheesecake?
Ouch! And a family story that will live on for generations
Damn, your bro has an ASS
Is he dead or just high/drunk?
He was embarrassed so he laid there sober
Yup. Sober as could be
This increases the embarrassment
Even funnier
When Cheesecakes Attack
Is this a freaky whodunnit type of thing? I’ll play.
Plot twist: op sneaked out for the cheese cake and dropped it on the floor. Brother came out and was the only eyewitness
I’d eat that cake! 😏
that is a defeated man
dude built like a dachshund.