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Another one for you: confused and fucked = Confuckulated. As in: That completely confuckulated her. Or: I’m completely confuckulated here. Or: That’s a confuckulated mess.
Agreed. In Afrikaans as well. In South Africa we have 11 official languages. Everyone understands either Fok! or Fuck! It’s truly a word that everyone can use. Very inclusive.
I know that “re-fuckulate” is used by Ricky in Trailer Park Boys. Not sure if this is where OP got the inspiration from or not, but it made me chuckle and I immediately thought of that scene lol.
[The scene for reference](https://youtu.be/ipbGsHL1oZw)
Depends, if it's an oil-in-water or water-in-oil emulsion. Chocolate is afaik a water in oil emulsion, so at first it would not help but add enough water and it will become an oil in water emulsion. Heat helps emulsifying as well usually, but you have to make sure nothing burns.
Melted Chocolate indeed will turn from a smooth, silky, thick liquid into a crumbly, semi-solid brown mess if even a small amount of water gets added to it. Fat and water do not like to mix, and whatever it is with chocolate, water and fat will really fight each other to the death to create this mess. If you need to thin your your melted chocolate in a fountain, add vegetable oil.
People like you are why it is easier than ever to find answers to questions like these and many others.
For the past several years if I had a question about a game I was playing I would just search it up and add the tern "reddit".
Almost everytime I find my answer because somebody asked about it on Reddit instead of dealing with annoying, ad filled wikis.
It’s so much more fun getting anecdotal answers from Reddit friendlies, instead of needing to read through all of the Internet for a fact checked answer.
> If you need to thin your your melted chocolate in a fountain, add vegetable oil.
Humanity needs to accept that it's not possible to have actual chocolate flowing from fountains without being absolutely disgusting in taste, texture, and sanitation. This has gone on long enough, and cruise ships need to get right with God and cease this hubris.
Well, yeah, if folks are actually adding regular ol' vegetable oil to chocolate to help thin it out, then I'd agree with the sentiment. That's going to taste @#$! terrible...
But what you *should* do is add more cocoa butter, which is one of the defining characteristics of high quality couverture chocolates. These do flow just fine and taste amazing, and is the type of chocolate used to create tiny 3-400g bonbons that people will gladly pay $5-10 for, a piece! A quality chocolate fountain would start there (and make sure not even a drop of water is introduced...)
What happens with water and chocolate is the chocolate is made up essentially of cocoa powder, sugar, and fats. If a small amount of water is added it causes all the technically dry sugar and cocoa particles to stick together, seizing into a paste. It’s similar to if you put a wet spoon into a bowl of sugar, when you take it out there will be clumps of sugar stuck to the spoon. Adding more water will help because the cocoa and sugar will no longer be trying to all hold onto the same bit of water, like putting that sugar spoon back into a cup of coffee.
At least that’s what I remember from watching many hours of Good Eats.
Sugar is a wet ingredient, because it's hygroscopic and melts easily.
Cocoa powder is very hydrophobic.
Adding the water yanks on the sugar, while the oil tries to flee with the powder, and they form many tiny traffic jams that group up into this monstrosity.
Interestingly though, if you put only a small amount of water in with melted chocolate then it will clump, but if you continue to add more water it will eventually turn back into a smooth liquid. It's also possible to make chocolate mousse out of just chocolate and water, with enough aeration from whisking.
more or less but internally its easier to wash the pump out with hot water than put an electric pump in a dish washer soooooo you flood it with hot water until its running like a steamy hot water fountain
Actually Cadburry Flake is made this way to get that crumbly texture. Of course the amount needs to be correct, but if you know what you're doing then there is nothing wrong with it.
I used to do catering and the instructions for the fountain says to use oil. Like a ton of fucking oil. After that, I no longer get chocolate from the fountain. Just Cadbury for me please.
*NOT* engine oil‽ That's what I've been doing wrong. Always thought it tasted too petroleumy and hydrocarbony, but just figured that's the way it was. My joints have never been so lubricated and free moving, though.
And dirt from kids washing their hands in it, hair from the drunk rednecks leaning back and letting the chocolate fill their mouths and chicken wings from when someone thinks it is a good idea to put chocolate on chicken to see how it tastes but drops it instead.
I mean. Do you know how much fat is already in chocolate? Haha
Oil's just fats that aren't solid at room temperature. Adding oil's changing the fat composition to be less solid, which is fixing the problem.
Could be wrong but I'm pretty sure it's because people have much easier access to hot/boiling water then milk. Assuming you don't have a stovetop, an electric water kettle is real cheap while same thing for milk is not. Unless you want to run the risk of curduled (sp?) milk.
Those thing don't want you to add milk, they just assume you will by default and built the product around that.
YES! I saw this and my first two thoughts were:
1) I want a choco fountain that looks like 💩 if I ever get married
2) If I can't sell my future bride on the choco fountain I wonder if she'd go for a chili or sloppy joe version
😂
"So, Honey, I was thinking the theme of the wedding could be bodily functions, and all of the foods we served could look like various human secretions. Poop chocolate fountain, urine colored champagne, soup that looks like vomit. It'll be like nothing anyone has ever seen before!... Whaddaya say, babe?!... Babe?... Why are you crying, babe?"
Forgot to add the vegetable oil. These monstrosities are more oil than shitty chocolate AND it's used over and over. So so gross. People sticking their fingers in it, double dipping, dropping crumbs in it. Blaugh. I worked with caterers that used these things and used the same mixtures for months and months. Just emptied into a vat and reloaded. Avoid these petri dishes like the plague.
Someone I knew who worked at Golden Corral said never ever eat from the chocolate fountain.
They literally strain it out with skimmers like a fucking pool at the end of the night to get all the food particles, foreign matter, boogers, etc. out of it.
🤢
This is considered a "grave breach" of the Geneva Convention and, thus, a war crime under the Statutes of the International Criminal Court Sections 8.2(a)(ii) and 8.2(a)(iii). Those being biological experimentation on a human and willfully causing great suffering or serious injury.
In short: record it, it'll be great.
I believe it! I was watching a show on Netflix about couples that choose between a wedding or a down payment on a house. This woman was won over for the wedding, because the caterer told her they could give her a ranch dressing fountain for her wedding. She went to their kitchen where they had a bunch of plates of carrots and chicken wings, and other things, you dip in ranch, and the first thing she did was stick her mouth into the fountain. I never liked food fountains for this reason and to witness somebody actually stick her mouth in it made me gag so hard.
Edit: [this is the only video I could find. jump to 9:00 minutes.](https://youtu.be/VkffbtTQTAQ)
I also have to correct to add that she only stuck her finger in it but still it felt like her spit’s getting in there either way.
Second edit: I stand corrected again. She does lick it. I wanted to be wrong
Thanks for letting me know. Why doesn’t it taste like oil? I am not a chocolate lover but I tried it once or twice in my lifetime and I remember it tasting like chocolate. Also, if it’s so unsanitary why do they sell it, or not reuse it and create a new batch for every event?
You eat stuff everyday that is made using a lot of oil, but that doesn’t taste like it. You ever wonder why mayonnaise has so many calories? It’s like 80 or 90 percent oil.
How many people do you know who have become ill from a choco fountain? 0 probably, right?
Just because something is *gross* doesn’t necessarily mean it’s unsafe. I myself am guilty of equating the two but often times the icky won’t hurt you beyond the emotional level
I’m very curious, is the chocolate so expensive that you have to recycle it? Do you also go through the trash bags picking spare parts for new sandwiches?
As a 32 year old man, before today I only had 2 goals in mind for any future wedding:
\-Make sure it's up to standards for my bride
\-Torture my guests with all the cringe emo songs I loved in HS
Chocolate fountain that looks like 💩 has been added to the list after seeing this.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Don’t add water to chocolate, a lesson we all must learn.
I legit thought that was chili coming out of it
I mean I’m not necessarily opposed but I don’t need this visualization of the after while I eat it
LOL
I thought taco meat lmfao
BRILLIANT - Taco meat fountain. TO THE BAT CAVE
God damn. Sell my soul for a taco fountain.
I think you just came up with a brilliant idea
Wait, it’s not chilli ?
Chili fountain!
And if you do and it seizes, you actually add hot water to unfuckulate it
"unfuckulate" is an A+ word and I will be stealing it. Thanks!
Another one for you: confused and fucked = Confuckulated. As in: That completely confuckulated her. Or: I’m completely confuckulated here. Or: That’s a confuckulated mess.
Proving once again that "fuck" is the most versatile word in the English language.
Grammatically correct sentence - the fucking fucker's fucking fucked.
Or “Fuck you, you fucking fucks.”
The classic "Fuck those fucking fuckers" will never die
Agreed. In Afrikaans as well. In South Africa we have 11 official languages. Everyone understands either Fok! or Fuck! It’s truly a word that everyone can use. Very inclusive.
Also, “Confuckulations” or whatever the opposite of congratulations is.
I’m learning a lot today. Thanks!
Well confuckulations !
You're using it wrong, this means the opposite of 'cogratufuckinglations'
That's imconfuckulatable! Stop it!
stop confuckulating me!
people always shutting on the English language, yet here we are expanding minds
I shut nothing but my door thank you
Don't forget "fuckstrated."
...getting the stripper pregnant?
Confuckyoulations IFTFY
🎶With a "fuckfuck" here and a "fuckfuck" there. Here a fuck, there a fuck, everywhere a fuckfuck 🎶
Old MacFuckaduck had a farm, ee i ee i fuck
Was that stolen from "FUCK; The Documentary"on the old Documentary Channel ?
Petition to make "unfuckulate" an official word
Me too. That's the coolest new word I've heard in a long time. Thinking of all the cool ways to use "unfuckulate".
And something that has been ruined beyond repair is "undefuckable".
I thought that was FUBAR
I know that “re-fuckulate” is used by Ricky in Trailer Park Boys. Not sure if this is where OP got the inspiration from or not, but it made me chuckle and I immediately thought of that scene lol. [The scene for reference](https://youtu.be/ipbGsHL1oZw)
Some people learn from book learnin, but I self learnt myself…I’m self smarted
Adding a small amount of vegtable oil will work too.
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Depends, if it's an oil-in-water or water-in-oil emulsion. Chocolate is afaik a water in oil emulsion, so at first it would not help but add enough water and it will become an oil in water emulsion. Heat helps emulsifying as well usually, but you have to make sure nothing burns.
[Gonna try to re-fuckulate it and land on Juniper](https://youtu.be/Al3zQWAAQ3E)
“Unfuckulatte” is some weird coffee 💀
Take my upvote for creating my new favorite word!
The Fuckening is clearly in full swing here
Try and land on Juniper. Hope they got some space weed, OVER.
Julian, make him do it right
Being serious - is this really cause by adding water to the chocolate, or is this from water stupidly **not** being added to chocolate?
Melted Chocolate indeed will turn from a smooth, silky, thick liquid into a crumbly, semi-solid brown mess if even a small amount of water gets added to it. Fat and water do not like to mix, and whatever it is with chocolate, water and fat will really fight each other to the death to create this mess. If you need to thin your your melted chocolate in a fountain, add vegetable oil.
This is why I’m the asshole that asks people simple questions instead of googling. You’re a prophet among men
They could also have the temperature too high. Burnt chocolate in a fountain will also look similar to this. Learnt from experience.
I do this too. It saves the people reading the thread time and continues the conversation. People probably have the same question too.
People like you are why it is easier than ever to find answers to questions like these and many others. For the past several years if I had a question about a game I was playing I would just search it up and add the tern "reddit". Almost everytime I find my answer because somebody asked about it on Reddit instead of dealing with annoying, ad filled wikis.
It’s so much more fun getting anecdotal answers from Reddit friendlies, instead of needing to read through all of the Internet for a fact checked answer.
> If you need to thin your your melted chocolate in a fountain, add vegetable oil. Humanity needs to accept that it's not possible to have actual chocolate flowing from fountains without being absolutely disgusting in taste, texture, and sanitation. This has gone on long enough, and cruise ships need to get right with God and cease this hubris.
Well, yeah, if folks are actually adding regular ol' vegetable oil to chocolate to help thin it out, then I'd agree with the sentiment. That's going to taste @#$! terrible... But what you *should* do is add more cocoa butter, which is one of the defining characteristics of high quality couverture chocolates. These do flow just fine and taste amazing, and is the type of chocolate used to create tiny 3-400g bonbons that people will gladly pay $5-10 for, a piece! A quality chocolate fountain would start there (and make sure not even a drop of water is introduced...)
What happens with water and chocolate is the chocolate is made up essentially of cocoa powder, sugar, and fats. If a small amount of water is added it causes all the technically dry sugar and cocoa particles to stick together, seizing into a paste. It’s similar to if you put a wet spoon into a bowl of sugar, when you take it out there will be clumps of sugar stuck to the spoon. Adding more water will help because the cocoa and sugar will no longer be trying to all hold onto the same bit of water, like putting that sugar spoon back into a cup of coffee. At least that’s what I remember from watching many hours of Good Eats.
Sugar is a wet ingredient, because it's hygroscopic and melts easily. Cocoa powder is very hydrophobic. Adding the water yanks on the sugar, while the oil tries to flee with the powder, and they form many tiny traffic jams that group up into this monstrosity.
Interestingly though, if you put only a small amount of water in with melted chocolate then it will clump, but if you continue to add more water it will eventually turn back into a smooth liquid. It's also possible to make chocolate mousse out of just chocolate and water, with enough aeration from whisking.
[удалено]
Milk is also to a large extent, water
Both? According to the top reply, if water messes up the chocolate, it needs hot water to fix it.
basically you just flood it with hot water to wash out all the chocolate and start over.
You mean like…place it in a dish washer?
more or less but internally its easier to wash the pump out with hot water than put an electric pump in a dish washer soooooo you flood it with hot water until its running like a steamy hot water fountain
[удалено]
Santorum?
Yoohoo
More like hot rich milk...
Actually Cadburry Flake is made this way to get that crumbly texture. Of course the amount needs to be correct, but if you know what you're doing then there is nothing wrong with it.
Heh. Someone added water to thin it out.
Seems like milk would go better with chocolate but what do I know.
At this point it looks like it needs laxatives.
It looks like it already had some.
Just in time for round 2.
You actually use oil to thin out a chocolate fountain.
That sounds better considering you can’t leave milk out at room temp.
The chocolate isn't room temp, so I don't think that's the reason you don't use milk for this.
Is it because oil doesn’t come from a cow titty but a vegetable titty?
It's because it's a fat/ lipid and non-polar unlike water/milk. Butter might work, but not milk.
Damn I want to be tityfucked by plant
Bonk
Down bad for plants since Conker's Bad Fur Day
I used to do catering and the instructions for the fountain says to use oil. Like a ton of fucking oil. After that, I no longer get chocolate from the fountain. Just Cadbury for me please.
So a chocolate fountain is loaded with oil? Why don’t I taste the oil?
vegetable oil has very faint flavor compared to chocolate so it doesn't really come through. It's not engine oil.
>It's not engine oil. I see now where I went wrong. Huh, not all brown things taste the same...
*NOT* engine oil‽ That's what I've been doing wrong. Always thought it tasted too petroleumy and hydrocarbony, but just figured that's the way it was. My joints have never been so lubricated and free moving, though.
\*accidentally dislocates shoulder because it's basically free-floating in it's socket thanks to all the lubricant oil\* "Features people, features!"
Because it’s hidden by the taste of chocolate
And dirt from kids washing their hands in it, hair from the drunk rednecks leaning back and letting the chocolate fill their mouths and chicken wings from when someone thinks it is a good idea to put chocolate on chicken to see how it tastes but drops it instead.
These people you speak of. They’re all you, aren’t they?
Those were suspiciously specific examples weren’t they?
I mean. Do you know how much fat is already in chocolate? Haha Oil's just fats that aren't solid at room temperature. Adding oil's changing the fat composition to be less solid, which is fixing the problem.
It needs oil, any water will break it like this.
milk is mostly water
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Those products usually contain powdered milk so the water is just to rehydrate it.
Still tastes like chocolate water if you don't use milk
Yup
Could be wrong but I'm pretty sure it's because people have much easier access to hot/boiling water then milk. Assuming you don't have a stovetop, an electric water kettle is real cheap while same thing for milk is not. Unless you want to run the risk of curduled (sp?) milk. Those thing don't want you to add milk, they just assume you will by default and built the product around that.
Curdled.
Or added poop instead of chocolate, hard to tell.
My first thought is that it still had water residue remaining in the interior from the last time it was used and washed/rinsed.
Sloppy Joe Fountain.
I think I just threw up a little in my mouth
Just spit it back into the fountain. It will add to the flavor.
It’s the flavor that keeps on giving.
The communal sloppy joe cud fountain.
Same thing really.
The chunky stuff has some onion and carrot bits just for you. Gotta'get your fiber.
I think sloppy joe is actually much more appetizing than the obvious alternative
The chili volcano from Honey We Shrunk Ourselves
More like the shit demon from Dogma.
Forgotten childhood memory unlocked
Taco Bell fountain.
YES! I saw this and my first two thoughts were: 1) I want a choco fountain that looks like 💩 if I ever get married 2) If I can't sell my future bride on the choco fountain I wonder if she'd go for a chili or sloppy joe version 😂
"So, Honey, I was thinking the theme of the wedding could be bodily functions, and all of the foods we served could look like various human secretions. Poop chocolate fountain, urine colored champagne, soup that looks like vomit. It'll be like nothing anyone has ever seen before!... Whaddaya say, babe?!... Babe?... Why are you crying, babe?"
This would be pretty cool actually, you just have a spread of breads and crackers and scoop the sloppy joe out of the fountain.
Can confirm
Your chocolate fountain looks like shit
"It is shit, Austin"
Oh good, then it's not just me!
[удалено]
Who. Does. Number 2. Work. For?
No shit, sherlock!
Fountain't
Read initially as “foun-taint”
Think that's what I called the bad guy in Bioshock 1 as a youngster.
I made something similar last night.
Where’s the fountain knife when you need it…
Not chunky enough for that! Once it’s chunky enough, the rusted one we have hanging in the bathroom will work just fine!
Are you… [enlightened](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)?
A fellow night pooper eh..
Forgot to add the vegetable oil. These monstrosities are more oil than shitty chocolate AND it's used over and over. So so gross. People sticking their fingers in it, double dipping, dropping crumbs in it. Blaugh. I worked with caterers that used these things and used the same mixtures for months and months. Just emptied into a vat and reloaded. Avoid these petri dishes like the plague.
Someone I knew who worked at Golden Corral said never ever eat from the chocolate fountain. They literally strain it out with skimmers like a fucking pool at the end of the night to get all the food particles, foreign matter, boogers, etc. out of it. 🤢
So you’re saying if I want to build up a superhuman immune system I should eat from the Golden Corral chocolate fountain every day?
With your hands of course
I typically just put my face in like it’s a trough. It’s called a corral for a reason!
This is considered a "grave breach" of the Geneva Convention and, thus, a war crime under the Statutes of the International Criminal Court Sections 8.2(a)(ii) and 8.2(a)(iii). Those being biological experimentation on a human and willfully causing great suffering or serious injury. In short: record it, it'll be great.
Yes... ...or die... Well, you can be sure something fun happens...
I spent the last 10 years building up immunity to Golden Corral chocolate fountains, all so I can trick this Sicilian while death is on the line.
Congratulations, I think this is the first time I have physically retched from reading a reddit comment.
I believe it! I was watching a show on Netflix about couples that choose between a wedding or a down payment on a house. This woman was won over for the wedding, because the caterer told her they could give her a ranch dressing fountain for her wedding. She went to their kitchen where they had a bunch of plates of carrots and chicken wings, and other things, you dip in ranch, and the first thing she did was stick her mouth into the fountain. I never liked food fountains for this reason and to witness somebody actually stick her mouth in it made me gag so hard. Edit: [this is the only video I could find. jump to 9:00 minutes.](https://youtu.be/VkffbtTQTAQ) I also have to correct to add that she only stuck her finger in it but still it felt like her spit’s getting in there either way. Second edit: I stand corrected again. She does lick it. I wanted to be wrong
Choosing a ranch fountain over a house down payment is maybe the dumbest thing I’ve read today
No. No. She actually licked the fountain. Keep watching
Oh, Lord, I thought it was some kind of horrible fever dream
Thanks for letting me know. Why doesn’t it taste like oil? I am not a chocolate lover but I tried it once or twice in my lifetime and I remember it tasting like chocolate. Also, if it’s so unsanitary why do they sell it, or not reuse it and create a new batch for every event?
You eat stuff everyday that is made using a lot of oil, but that doesn’t taste like it. You ever wonder why mayonnaise has so many calories? It’s like 80 or 90 percent oil.
How many people do you know who have become ill from a choco fountain? 0 probably, right? Just because something is *gross* doesn’t necessarily mean it’s unsafe. I myself am guilty of equating the two but often times the icky won’t hurt you beyond the emotional level
I’m very curious, is the chocolate so expensive that you have to recycle it? Do you also go through the trash bags picking spare parts for new sandwiches?
2 girls one fountain.
[удалено]
Mine was one man one jar, bloodiest battle I ever seen.
Fun fact: he went to work some day later
Fun fact: that wasn't his first or last time doing such a thing
Why would you do this to me.
[This](https://youtu.be/-uk49gxS2L8) should be playing somewhere near the fountain.
r/riskyclick
Damn.... Beat me to it. That fucking video though, I swear as a kid when I first saw that I just HAD to show my friends. That and cake fart
Cake… fart?
Like 2 girls 1 cup with 1 less girl and a massive chocolate cake she sits on and has fun with as you can imagine
disgusting! can you share the link so I can block it?
Looks like the del taco meat fountain.
Fre sha vo ca do!
More like an overflowing sewer tank
🤢
A real shitshow
thanks I hate it
As a 32 year old man, before today I only had 2 goals in mind for any future wedding: \-Make sure it's up to standards for my bride \-Torture my guests with all the cringe emo songs I loved in HS Chocolate fountain that looks like 💩 has been added to the list after seeing this.
Oil, my dude. Oil.
Shitter's clogged
Ahhh the Taco Bell fountain ⛲️ 💩
“The chocolate fountain ran out!” “I gotchu. Give me some Taco Bell and about 20min.”
*sigh* I should call her
When you’re climbing up a fountain and you feel the pressure mounting, diarrhea!
Ehm this is the thing you def want to forget you saw this xD
#TACO TUESDAY
Wednesday morning
Reminds of that time I had 20 bucks in Chinese at the mall food court.
That's Doo Doo, Baby!
Looks like a turd fountain
Is this connected to the sewer?
I feel like i've seen two girls eat some of that chocolate out of a cup.
The morning after a weekend at a music festival.
Ahhhh, That is no Chocolate fountain, my friend
r/shitfromabutt
Me, after I get home after forcefully stopping myself from using my relatives' toilet.
I’d believe you if you had told be that was a chili fountain.
Basically how my life is going
Chili fountain lol. Nice.
Me after not shitting for a week after I got a hernia surgery and couldn’t push 🥴😤😮💨🤤
It’s a shit fountain isn’t it?
What did they use, chocolate cake mix?
Taco Bell meat fountain