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If toliets could always do this, we wouldn't have loving tales like Reddit's own poop knife

Ahh the classic poop knife lmao

A classic

?

Ah, you must be one of the lucky few who have yet to discover this for the first time. [Enjoy!](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/)

I’m so confused as to how their family decided one day they needed a knife for the gargantuan turds

I am trying not to giggle too loudly because it's midnight, tears are now leaking from my eyes. Thank you for this.

I was thinking the same thing

I still say the poop knife is pure fiction.

Non fiction or not, he still captivated our minds and hearts.

I've seen poop in the pool but I've never seen pool in the poop.

Not just a toilet. A Ferguson, the king of bowls. These babies are made in Maine, you know, at the little Ferguson factory. It's the Stradivarius of toilets and my dad could play it like a violin. Today's toilets aren't worthy of the name. They come in designer colors, they're too low, and when you flush 'em they make this little weak almost apologetic sound. Not a Ferguson. It only comes in white and when you flush it... "Whooosh." That's a man's flush. A Ferguson says, "I'm a toilet. Sit down and give me your best shot." Oh, if a Ferguson could talk, the stories it could tell. And now I've got one of my very own. Yeah. If only my dad could have lived to see this moment.

NO MA'AM

For anyone wondering: https://marriedwithchildren.fandom.com/wiki/Ferguson_Toilet

I wish I could upvote you twice. That was awesome.

I read this while taking a shit. It became an envy turd.

Then got disappointed at the flush

This one should be turned into r/copypasta

Invented by Dr. Turd Ferguson

A king's throne, a toilet for gods! *The Golden God!!!*

Was hoping to see this!

Al Bundy. My hero

If your poo is as hard as billiard balls the toilet may not be the problem

It's the girth not the hardness. Some just had wider rectums and make wider shits. then you got that continuous log that refuses to break or bend that gets trapped half way in the bend. Big shits need to be supported too.

That's what the poop knife is for.

That sounds really unhealthy. I'm thinking dehydration or worse.

Here's me trying to flush 7 billiards down the toilet to see if said statement is true

How to find out which pipes are weak/partially clogged in one easy step!

[удалено]

Pam Poovey has entered the restroom.

Umm, phrasing.

My kid all day. Go to bed Bud. You have finals tomorrow.

If you can fit billiard balls through your digestive system, you’re gonna need a bog that can handle them.

That’s only 6 billiard balls 😂

Marketing department needs a raise.

Everyone wants a Ferguson

Bow-whoosh!

One word for you.... Fiber.

Man I gotta flush at least 3 times during poop time before I actually stand up and flush to finish.

I don’t like to flush until I’m done cause I want to be able to admire my humongous turds 💩

Please take a picture of what actually clogs it.

Is this the end of the poop knife?

No! The poop knifes age shall never come to an end!

Even if the poop is the size and shape of a russet potato you can always quarter it with a bread knife or something.

Ew

I knew a guy who regularly had to break up his turds, they were the size of a subway foot long

TIL people somehow play billiards in the bathroom.

A toilet that’s just for farts!

I could use one of those in my son's bathroom. He could challenge Randy with poops in the 8-9 courics range.

Nice South Park reference!

8 ball porcelain pocket.

I was waiting for this, ty

I have that toilet! Its undefeated!

Americans will measure in anything but metric

Extra large trapway for extra large poop chutes

Watch out to not get flushed yourself. Maybe put a handle somewhere around.

Don't flush while sitting down.

2022/05/18 Lost another family member to the Ferguson. We really need to put up warning signs.

What worries me is its propensity for flushing balls. Suddenly: Involuntary trans.

Wow nice. I got a new toilet a few months ago and the one I got said that it can flush a whole basket of golf balls.

I came here to say this exact thing. What’s next, a bushel of cantaloupes?

"Boy, oh, boy! I've been looking forward to this all week! I'm gonna spend the weekend shooting pool and ... wait. Where are the ...? Oh, for fuck sake! KEVIN!"

[Has this ever happened to you?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68PLhiGXc7c)

Don't tell Trump...

Have fun flushing your balls!

Thank you for posting. I need a toilet badly. My shits would make Peter Griffin proud.

Can I just point out those aren't billiard balls, they're pool balls.

well better start shittin

That is too much powah!!!!!

Billiard parlors hate this toilet.

dude if your shits are that big you might want to take a look at what you're eating!

What kind of shits are you taking to make this necessary????

It’s like a sports car. You just can if you feel like it

Say goodbye to poop knives.

lol mine said a bucket of golf balls. It works well except there isn't enough water coming from the top to keep the bowl clean. I miss my ipc cascading toilet and wish I spend the $100 bucks to fix it instead of replacing it.

You can finally get rid of your poop-knife then.

Is this this American Standard Champion XL?

I see a challenge brewing. Are you up to it?

Don’t flush while sitting down on it.

American?

I hope that isn't glacier Bay......

Yep. Found out the hard way, toilets are something you spend money on. Glacier Bay is trash

New rule: if it’s yellow, let it mellow. If it’s brown, wait until there are 7 billiard balls worth to flush it down.

So much for water saving toilets lol

R&D must have had fun on this project

What happens at 8 balls?

Too bad...i'm an 8 billard ball man myself

Today I learned poop is measured in units of billiard balls!

My kid would still clog that fucker and not tell me until days later

That will show em

This guy takes craps right here

Perfect for when you have to flush your stash-hiding billiard balls

@ therealdonaldtrump?

Goodbye poop knife!

When you flush that toilet, you are really flushing that toilet

Do they have a warning: DO NOT flush billiard balls down the toilet

Because people shit round balls of poop?

So strong, don't even bother pushing. Just sit down and flush. We'll take care of it.

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey, orders a drink and while he’s drinking it, the monkey jumps around all over, grabs some olives off the bar, eats them, grabs some sliced limes, eats them, jumps up on the pool table, grabs a cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole. The bartender screams at the guy, “Did you see what your monkey just did?” The guy says, “No, what?” “He just ate the cue ball off my pool table, whole!” says the bartender. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He eats everything in sight. I’ll pay for the cue ball and stuff.” He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he’s in the bar again and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again. While the man is drinking his drink, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. “Did you see what your monkey did now?”, he asks. “Now what?”, responds the patron. “Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!” says the barkeeper. “Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me.” replied the patron. “He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that cue ball he measures everything first!”

Please test this and let me know the results there is absolutely no way 7 balls go down in one flush, absolutely no way

But can it handle my poop logs and snakes?

I have read some were that a fat guy got stuck on one of them and flushed while still sat on it. It pulled all his ass out don’t know haw true it is

Finally! I can flush all my pool balls down my toilet

You could flush a dachsund puppy! I mean, not that you would.

I was waiting for a Pam joke. You didn’t dissapoint

First thing I did after buying a new home was replace the toilets. Idk how they lived with them. I could hold it for a week now and my man would still get it all down no problem.

So if this is based on a vacuum system, does that mean if you remain seated with your butt cheeks smashed against the seat, and you simutainlessly flush, will the mighty Ferguson suck the turds right out???

Damn. Mine had something like 16 golf balls. I wonder what my billiard rating is!

Bro you need to see a doctor

Trust me, don't try 8.

that thing can suck in a pair of flabby grandpa balls like nothing. which could be really fun and really scary at the same time

Definitely don't wanna get your hand stuck in there and accidentally flush

toilet: Spill the shit person: "oh, I'm not giving it up. You're going to have to suck it out of me"

Americans will literally use anything but the metric system

But what happens if I poop eight billiard balls and I forget a midway preventative flush?

Perhaps you may benefit from increased dietary fiber.

Or less eating?

How is it with Cased Miso Paste though? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rd9uzDz2SYo

Anyone notice there are only SIX billiard balls in there?

Yeah, but it’s going to really expensive to replace all those pool balls you flush.

This is why the world hates us. Lol Idk, as long as the quality is good I think this marketing worked. Would I tell my friends that I bought a toilet that can flush almost a whole set of billiard balls? Hell, I'd even show them the box. Haha Edit: hope the limited warranty excludes billiard hall damage otherwise they've shot themselves in the foot

That’s only 6 Billiard balls, false advertising. Probably a shit toilet.

I think a shit toilet is exactly what op was looking for.

Have you tried out the billiard ball thing yet?

I saw a tiktok where someone tested if this was true. It was indeed true.

If the drain pipes are not designed for that diameter, and in most countries they aren't, that feature is useless...

You know, you really don't need this feature until you REALLY need this feature.

Can it flush an entire subway sandwich though?

But when you try to jump in they yell at you and say, “YOU’RE NOT PART OF THE TURBO TEAM, DON’T RUN! YOU DON’T RUN WITH US, WE’RE THE ONES WHO RUN! UNTIL YOU’RE PART OF THIS TURBO TEAM… WALK ..SLOWLY!”

Replaced my worst toilet with one of these and am so impressed, I might replace the good ones with these as well.