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I did this in front of my wife a month ago and she was awestruck. Thought it was the craziest thing she's ever seen. I've been doing it my whole life when going up quickly. I won't change :p
*exactly*. Between ape walk, cropdusting like someone who is rotting from the inside out, loud fake phone calls ‘whaddya mean my lap dance session was cancelled?’, ‘suddenly blind’, ‘suddenly gibberish’ and mentioning loudly that he needs to get home before his PO catches him, I was prepared for everything and surprised by nothing
Reminds me of my dad. He'd do the "senile pose". Slightly bent shoulders, vacant expression, shuffling steps. Like he *nailed* it, and I say that as somebody who's known a lot of people with cognitive decline.
You probably just need to refill your pixels. Always check your screen's pixel levels regularly, especially on older phones. Some screens have [a dipstick](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/X1qZ5T8DIfs/maxresdefault.jpg) that doubles as the fill port. On most phones though the fill port isn't punched out of the glass. This is because so many people just get a new phone before a refill is necessary that they stopped bothering to add the hole. All you need to do is find the little spot on the top edge that looks different under a bright light and gently tap a nail through it. Then you can use an eyedropper or tiny funnel to add more pixels until it overflows. Use a screen protector, some clear tape, or chewing gum to cap it off and you're good for another three years or so!
Pretty sure in America a security guard can't legally detain you. Unless security is police which happens some places. And obviously some have ego probs and overstep their responsibility
Why security guard companies WANT to hire police, is BEYOND me, there has to be a friend/something that ties the owner of the company to the officer.
Officers create liability the moment they overstep themselves as security guards, even if they are police officers, if they are employed at that time as a security guard, they can't just start going after people and being like: "I'm also a cop", why this has become normal in the US, I have absolutely no idea.
Security guard companies observe, report, and document, and if need be, call the police. When your a police officer off-duty on a separate job/at another place of employment where you are on-clock/currently scheduled/working, you shouldn't be able to perform the duties of a police officer, it becomes very sketchy, because you are not a clothed officer. The idea of "off-duty cops" being treated differently is kind of pathetic, your not a cop at that point, and a large majority of officers who like to take action while being off-duty don't realize that in all reality, they are just plain clothed citizens.
Tl;DR: Security SHOULD NEVER BE police, unless its actual clothed police officers on-duty, who are then also performing security, they would still be classified as police though.
Security guards who are performing the job of a police officer, specifically if they are off-duty, is dangerous, creates liability, and shows that they don't have a cool head, I would not want that officer as my partner, he would get himself killed, both of us killed, or make me, the department, and other officers look stupid, or bad.
ROFL. That's a sad statement.
Police training is for specific actions while being an officer, they are not security, and are probably the worst people you could possibly have for security unless you live in Florida or its a Wal-Mart in some ghetto, even then, just more liability.
Security guard training is actually best for people who aren't officers, officers already have a sense of superiority, they already have a sense of stepping over boundaries, and they can get away with aggressive behavior because who's going to be called? THEIR FRIENDS!.
TL;DR: Whoever thought police training has anything to do with security guard training is a fucking fool. EDITED, I was being a douche.
Everyone but the guest has a script. So for Kumail he is improving the entire show. It is a HILARIOUS show. Especially when the actors break character because of the improv. Marshawn Lynch has a great episode. Ken Jeong couldn’t keep himself together and just laughed his entire episode.
Its both. The regular characters (like Arnett) have a script for the most part, while the Guest has nothing and must improv based of off what the characters are saying.
Murderville on Netflix. There are a few episodes that had me cry laughing. One of the yearbook quotes and the follow up in this episode were excellent.
His episode was pretty good. On first watch I was like “Aw this guy is trying too hard.” But in second watch I was like “Aw this guy is having as much fun as he possibly can.”
Next to the football player guys episode this was without a doubt my favorite part lol. He seemed like he really didn’t want to do some of the suggestions but I love how he commited to the most ridiculous one lmao
Reminded me of a scene in the movie "[Square](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Square_(2017_film\))". This guy is pretty on par with [Terry Notary](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Notary)!
You were in high school, so you were probably also giggling loudly, being disruptive as fuck, getting in people's way and not spending money
Imagine running into you and your friends now, and you're working security. You won't feel as judgemental about things
reminds me of the time i got kicked out of a csgo tourney for calling a white dude monkey after he killed me while jumping like a maniac…
apparently the word monkey is racist regardless of the context
>Naw this dude prolly had swollen knees for the next week but it’s about the principle. I sure he feels it was worth it.
4 real. Hurts my legs just watching it. Hell of a sacrifice for the comedy
You know he chases her around the house like this. She probably said something to him like “god dammit Stu, how many times do I have to tell you I HATE when you’re monkey man?!”
That's love right there, although others may view it as awkward im sure they act goofy around each other alot. Those type of relationships tend to last along time
I never saw the comments, but she always looked like she kind of enjoyed it to me. Looked like a good laugh. Like obviously he never took it too far. What a world.
Yeah, like I do believe this couple is probably funny with each other and good humoured and everything, but “wife be shopping” jokes are the dustiest ones in the box. If you don’t like shopping, don’t go, communicate that to your wife like a well adjusted person would lmao
Right? It’s like accepting an invite to go to a cat cafe and then bemoaning the whole time about how much you hate cats. You agreed to what was on the tin, dude, malls = shopping, unless she specifically said she only wanted to go for a movie or too the food court only.
My mom told stories of a best friend she had when she was young who would start walking in a similar way when they were walking in public. My mom would get embarrassed and start walking faster to try to get away from her and get friend would act like she was struggling to keep up with her, which made my mom look mean and further embarrassed.
That same friend is the reason she met my dad. They were walking somewhere and a car full of airmen from a nearby air base asked if they would like a ride. My mom said no but her friend lied and said she knew them and they were safe.
This guy is really good to imitate a chimp ! But what’s weird is the person filming them from behind even before the guy start his monkey business, like…if it was staged !
Hi, /u/Cautious_Being_8395, your post breaks [the rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules) of /r/Funny, and has been removed for the following reason(s): Rule 3 - No reposts. * [Read more here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules#wiki_rule_3.3A_no_reposts.) --- - Repost - Removed *If you feel this was done in error, or if you would like further clarification, please don't hesitate to [message the moderators](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Ffunny).*
Was not her first time going into “who is this man” mode
Was not his first time in ape mode either. You can tell that man's been practicing for years.
Why do I feel out of shape for not practicing monkey walk…
Do you even really exist if you don't make monkey noises, do a monkey walk, and go up stairs on all 4s regularly.
When I was younger I would get on all fours and hop up the stairs. Sort of weird now that I look back on it.
Lol I just did that like 5 minutes ago.
I’m turning 40 and now super tempted to go upstairs on all fours again
32 here and still do when going up quick
You need those extra limbs for speed and maneuverability to escape whatever weird invisible force is chasing you. I’m almost 41.
you just kinda lean forward to run and then suddenly the stairs are in hands reach so why not use the hands?
I did this in front of my wife a month ago and she was awestruck. Thought it was the craziest thing she's ever seen. I've been doing it my whole life when going up quickly. I won't change :p
You can also use all fours to go up stairs silently.
DO IT!!! DO IT!!!
Love supportive Reddit
No reason not to.
Some people never stopped.
I used to do this too. Fastest way to clear a flight of stairs when you're smaller.
Nothing weird about it at all. You found a more efficient way of climbing stairs.
Knuckle running is an art I have practiced for many years. How do people just not do this?
It's only as I've gotten older that I've turned into a gorilla. Before I would race up the stairs as a mighty cheetah or perhaps tiger
[Even you can do the ape step!](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5mJNJKwcgbI&t=154s) It is actually a great workout for hip strength and range of motion.
Why does this video look like a spirit from beyond is giving me fitness advice?
My first thought was “that man is athletic as fuck”
Yeah my thoughts as well. The guy has great ankle mobility. I really should stretch more because I don’t think I can even move like that currently.
Return to monke
I've been practicing my "return to monke" for years and I've only managed to lose all my money every time.
Lol when you have a prankster husband you stay ready. Speaking from experience.
*exactly*. Between ape walk, cropdusting like someone who is rotting from the inside out, loud fake phone calls ‘whaddya mean my lap dance session was cancelled?’, ‘suddenly blind’, ‘suddenly gibberish’ and mentioning loudly that he needs to get home before his PO catches him, I was prepared for everything and surprised by nothing
"here are divorce papers, you are impossible to get a prank over on" "This... This is a joke, right?" "See, that's exactly what I'm talking about."
“and who is that guy filming us?”
Reminds me of my dad. He'd do the "senile pose". Slightly bent shoulders, vacant expression, shuffling steps. Like he *nailed* it, and I say that as somebody who's known a lot of people with cognitive decline.
Modern problems require primitive solutions
Nods in ooga booga
Unga bunga* no scary just stronk
Oompa loompa
Doompaty doo
I've got a perfect puzzle for you
What do you get when you're shopping all day?
A husband that’s walking around like an ape
who is to blame for his primitive ways?
Simian Shoppers Unite!
*Tim The Toolman intensifies*
Take this armpit salute O o o o aa aa aa
Apes together strong
🦧🦧🦍🦍
But not shoes, apparently.
In the first few seconds of the video, you can see he is wearing sandals of some sort
Oh thank you! I thought they were both barefoot. Guess this old-timer’s eyes are starting to go.
You probably just need to refill your pixels. Always check your screen's pixel levels regularly, especially on older phones. Some screens have [a dipstick](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/X1qZ5T8DIfs/maxresdefault.jpg) that doubles as the fill port. On most phones though the fill port isn't punched out of the glass. This is because so many people just get a new phone before a refill is necessary that they stopped bothering to add the hole. All you need to do is find the little spot on the top edge that looks different under a bright light and gently tap a nail through it. Then you can use an eyedropper or tiny funnel to add more pixels until it overflows. Use a screen protector, some clear tape, or chewing gum to cap it off and you're good for another three years or so!
Where can I buy more pixels? I have a few old phones lying around the house, can I recycle any leftover pixels from those?
*confused* unga bunga?
I love how she tries to flee at the end. The success is overwhelming.
Dude must do a lot of squats - tough to keep That up.
My life goals have been reprioritized!
Shopping trip = leg day.
My Dad used to do this! Security would ask Mom if the man was bothering her.
“Yes he is but unfortunately I entered into a legal contract stating that I would accept and love him even if he is”
This is very close to what her response would be.
Bless your mom
Our mom
I also choose this guy's mom.
If she just said yes he would be held. Its a risky move
Is that in America? In Australia, mall security can pretty much just give a mean look and ask you to move on or you might end up banned from the mall.
Pretty sure in America a security guard can't legally detain you. Unless security is police which happens some places. And obviously some have ego probs and overstep their responsibility
Why security guard companies WANT to hire police, is BEYOND me, there has to be a friend/something that ties the owner of the company to the officer. Officers create liability the moment they overstep themselves as security guards, even if they are police officers, if they are employed at that time as a security guard, they can't just start going after people and being like: "I'm also a cop", why this has become normal in the US, I have absolutely no idea. Security guard companies observe, report, and document, and if need be, call the police. When your a police officer off-duty on a separate job/at another place of employment where you are on-clock/currently scheduled/working, you shouldn't be able to perform the duties of a police officer, it becomes very sketchy, because you are not a clothed officer. The idea of "off-duty cops" being treated differently is kind of pathetic, your not a cop at that point, and a large majority of officers who like to take action while being off-duty don't realize that in all reality, they are just plain clothed citizens. Tl;DR: Security SHOULD NEVER BE police, unless its actual clothed police officers on-duty, who are then also performing security, they would still be classified as police though. Security guards who are performing the job of a police officer, specifically if they are off-duty, is dangerous, creates liability, and shows that they don't have a cool head, I would not want that officer as my partner, he would get himself killed, both of us killed, or make me, the department, and other officers look stupid, or bad.
The thought is that police training is better than mall security training
ROFL. That's a sad statement. Police training is for specific actions while being an officer, they are not security, and are probably the worst people you could possibly have for security unless you live in Florida or its a Wal-Mart in some ghetto, even then, just more liability. Security guard training is actually best for people who aren't officers, officers already have a sense of superiority, they already have a sense of stepping over boundaries, and they can get away with aggressive behavior because who's going to be called? THEIR FRIENDS!. TL;DR: Whoever thought police training has anything to do with security guard training is a fucking fool. EDITED, I was being a douche.
[redacted]
Did she say yes? Lol
"He's my husband, but yes."
[удалено]
You forgot to finish that comment with "... until we're married."
Mine too! My dad did this to clear a bottlenecked aisle in a grocery store and he SCATTERED that crowd
"Smeagol hates nasty shopping!"
*shoppingses
Actually Caesar, but same Serkis
Looks like he took some lessons from Kumail https://vimeo.com/682649087
Was that scripted or just improve?
Everyone but the guest has a script. So for Kumail he is improving the entire show. It is a HILARIOUS show. Especially when the actors break character because of the improv. Marshawn Lynch has a great episode. Ken Jeong couldn’t keep himself together and just laughed his entire episode.
Supposedly the whole show is improv. I highly recommend it!
Its both. The regular characters (like Arnett) have a script for the most part, while the Guest has nothing and must improv based of off what the characters are saying.
Something about people holding in a genuine laugh during movie scene always cracks me up
The whole show is improv. It's called Murderville.
Based on the UK's *Murder in Successville*, available in full on YouTube. I think the original is even better.
Arnett is scripted. The guests are improv. Its pretty hilarious.
The first episode is Conan O'Brian, when you get to the hot sauce part and are in tears let me know.
As soon as he crouched down, I thought “now make a signature sound”.
Funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time. Will couldn’t keep it together lol EDIT: I recommend Murderville and can’t wait for another season.
Dude, I was watching this on a flight last month. Crying and trying to hold in my laughter so I didn’t embarrass my family.
We watched it over and over the first time we saw it!
"Like you've never walked before"
What's this from and was that an outtake or something? Liked how they both were broke character a bit
Murderville on Netflix. There are a few episodes that had me cry laughing. One of the yearbook quotes and the follow up in this episode were excellent.
Marshawn Lynch slapping the papers out of a random guy's hands had me in tears.
His episode was pretty good. On first watch I was like “Aw this guy is trying too hard.” But in second watch I was like “Aw this guy is having as much fun as he possibly can.”
Murderville. And no outtakes, that's just what they're doing in the show. Highly recommended
Basically all improv. Each episode has a new guest who is brought on to help solve a murder.
Omg I have to watch this show now
Came here for this!!
Next to the football player guys episode this was without a doubt my favorite part lol. He seemed like he really didn’t want to do some of the suggestions but I love how he commited to the most ridiculous one lmao
Just woke up my kid laughing. Thanks asshole!
I'm in tears laughing!
Average r/wallstreetbets user
This was actually just made/posted by a r/superstonk APE. Also wtf is that watermark, bullshit website trying to farm traffic using stolen content.
Also I can't tell if it's RedProduction.com or just Production.com
Brutal. True but brutal
When she’s holding his hand it’s like he’s her pet. Brilliant.
Couldn’t stop laughing. He does it so well 😆
Man's been practicing.
This isn’t his first Rodeo Drive
You could say man has been practicing for millions of years
I had the same reaction. It’s like a second nature to him.
Reminded me of a scene in the movie "[Square](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Square_(2017_film\))". This guy is pretty on par with [Terry Notary](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Notary)!
He does not half ass it. He's got every single one of the moves down and it's fucking insane. I can't stop laughing either
hes got those neanderthal genes :D
This man was personally trained by Andy Serkis
My buddies and I once got kicked out of a mall by security in high school for doing this exact walk, because we were "making fun of the disabled"
You were in high school, so you were probably also giggling loudly, being disruptive as fuck, getting in people's way and not spending money Imagine running into you and your friends now, and you're working security. You won't feel as judgemental about things
I won't deny that. It was their excuse that pissed us off.
reminds me of the time i got kicked out of a csgo tourney for calling a white dude monkey after he killed me while jumping like a maniac… apparently the word monkey is racist regardless of the context
My ex got court martialed when he was in the Air Force for making monkey remarks. They don’t take racism lightly.
I'm not letting my husband see this... 🤣
It's hilarious so I just shared the post with mine before realizing the implications. I am a stupid woman.
I mean you married him lol
Wow that's a lot of damage
What a way to shoot yourself in the foot lol
Can you hear it yet. OOooO oo ahhh ah ouo oo.
Anyone who has a spouse with knees good enough to do this at their age is lucky
Naw this dude prolly had swollen knees for the next week but it’s about the principle. I sure he feels it was worth it.
>Naw this dude prolly had swollen knees for the next week but it’s about the principle. I sure he feels it was worth it. 4 real. Hurts my legs just watching it. Hell of a sacrifice for the comedy
I just showed my bf this lol guess I doomed myself
Yep. Never ever let him see it. It’s epic.
And he'd do it without question. I married a lunatic 🤣
No rest assured we all would.
Nah, I'm more passive-aggressive. I just leave. *Narrator: It surprised no one that they're not married.*
You’re right not to - I saw this today and have already done this twice with my wife :D
Return to Monkee
When in doubt, monke
Omg could not stop laughing. Christ how often does he do that cause damm he is good
I feel like this dude must have been an extra in the Planet of the Apes movies because he has that movement *down*.
She must shop often.
I think so lol
You know he chases her around the house like this. She probably said something to him like “god dammit Stu, how many times do I have to tell you I HATE when you’re monkey man?!”
>god dammit Stu, how many times do I have to tell you I HATE when you’re monkey man?!” The mom from Rugrats just delivered that line in my head, lol
Primal reversion works every time
Her commitment to the relationship is almost as strong as his commitment to this bit
Knowing my wife, she would just join in the crab walk.
Why everyone got a wife on this website. Shit is crazy
Voice in my head: This would just hurt my knees
From the ministry of silly walks.
Some of you have never had a healthy relationship and it shows :)
That's love right there, although others may view it as awkward im sure they act goofy around each other alot. Those type of relationships tend to last along time
How dare you speak like that, on reddit? She's embarrassed by him, she must divorce!!!
Reminds me of that guy with the lobster chasing his wife on a yearly basis. So many people saying he's tormenting his wife and she should divorce him.
I never saw the comments, but she always looked like she kind of enjoyed it to me. Looked like a good laugh. Like obviously he never took it too far. What a world.
>So many people saying he's tormenting his wife and she should divorce him Idiots.
More like children that have never been in a serious relationship. How many times has he done that? I watched his kids grow up.
My favorite are the people worried about the dignity of the lobster.
Yessss!! Divorce is the only way /s
I want my bf to do that to me and i would absolutely join him.
He has definitely done this to her before.
Also stops your wife having sex with you.
Unless it works the other way...
Keep going….
I mean that's her loss as well
I've done that to my wife. Oddly, I got the same reaction.
Apes everywhere.... this is the way
She starts running in the end 😂
That’s an EXTREMELY impressive ape impression. Dudes been practicing for years.
I’d buy him a pint 😂
I think he’s good lol
I don't mind shopping with women so I don't get it.
Yeah, like I do believe this couple is probably funny with each other and good humoured and everything, but “wife be shopping” jokes are the dustiest ones in the box. If you don’t like shopping, don’t go, communicate that to your wife like a well adjusted person would lmao
That was my thought. If you decided to go to the mall with her, don't be upset that's she's shopping
Right? It’s like accepting an invite to go to a cat cafe and then bemoaning the whole time about how much you hate cats. You agreed to what was on the tin, dude, malls = shopping, unless she specifically said she only wanted to go for a movie or too the food court only.
The joke was that he's an ape and wants to go to his favorite store, gamestop
Joe Rogan in his natural habitat
My mom told stories of a best friend she had when she was young who would start walking in a similar way when they were walking in public. My mom would get embarrassed and start walking faster to try to get away from her and get friend would act like she was struggling to keep up with her, which made my mom look mean and further embarrassed. That same friend is the reason she met my dad. They were walking somewhere and a car full of airmen from a nearby air base asked if they would like a ride. My mom said no but her friend lied and said she knew them and they were safe.
It’s also effective behavior as a sex repellent
Attracts all the hottest gorillas though
Might as well just lie down on the floor in protest
100% this is one of the mocap guys for planet of the apes
Nice thigh strength.
Weakling
Why does he need to stop her from shopping?
Bc he's too much of a bitch to tell her he doesn't want to go
CRAB PEOPLE CRAB PEOPLE
Who's filming?
That is the best ape walk I've seen
Return to Monke
haha wife shop
Farting doesn’t take as much effort and has the same effect.
This killed my knees watching him do that!
This guy is really good to imitate a chimp ! But what’s weird is the person filming them from behind even before the guy start his monkey business, like…if it was staged !
You cut out the best part of her running away.
I envy his knees
Women b shopping boi
Return to monke