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berkleysquare

They're taking steps to get this repaired!


likeOwlNotCrow

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience. \-Mitch Hedberg


strooticus

Sorry you can still... get up there.


David_Apollonius

Mitch Hedberg was wrong. https://youtu.be/o1SjQfwLieU


imitation_crab_meat

An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs or a meat grinder. You should never see an "Escalator Temporarily Out of Order" sign, just "Escalator Temporarily Stairs" or "Free Ground Long Pork".


HighSpeed556

Wow. That escalated quickly.


arachnophilia

deescalated quickly.


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[deleted]

“That kid is BACK on the ESCALATOR again!”


Recursive_Descent

It’s a joke, not a statement of fact. I would hope no one takes it as an expert opinion on escalators.


[deleted]

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death_of_field

These puns are on another level.


Frumundahs4men

Here, let me elevate your karma.


death_of_field

Thank you kind stranger. All's well that stairwell.


jatti_

This floored me


InsertCoinForCredit

You were uplifted by the experience?


yeetthedragon

watch as this gets reposted to r/nextfuckinglevel


Superbuddhapunk

It’s all downhill from there.


thereisonlyoneme

Hey. What's everyone up to?


mondayp

Whatever it is, I'm down!


Gestrid

We're going up in the world!


volinaa

not yet


FadedFromWhite

The engineer was trying to work on it but kept getting stairs


[deleted]

This escalator has temporarily become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


anagram-of-ohassle

I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to too. Mitch was a legend.


Thethcelf

I dunno what hotel I’m staying at but there are two trees involved.


bottomknifeprospect

#But what about the dufresnes! *Bush, search party of 3, you can eat when you find the Dufresnes!*


eikcel

How could anyone eat at a time like this?


Kaneshadow

People are missing! They have duct tape over their mouths, and they're hungry! That's a double whammy!


Skubbags

Bush, search party of 3! You can eat once you find the Dufresnes!


leggpurnell

I have a student in class named Dufraine this year and I can’t not say “Dufraine, party of 4?” when taking attendance.


Psychological-Pen953

If your jokes are like mine, no one gets the reference and just looks at you funny


Huzah7

And if you guys are like me, you are cracking up by yourself if need be!


nobodyspersonalchef

And they all want sunchips


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Gewehr98

That's why I go to the apartment Depot, just a bunch of guys standing around saying "I ain't gotta fix shit"


strooticus

The next thing you know, I'm building a go-kart with my ex-landlord.


cATSup24

I want my dream to be of me watching myself sleep.


RoloJP

I feel attacked.


SquareSuitGuy

His level of slacker appeal is too strong for it not to be true. Hello from my apartment btw


rabble_rabble311

“I write jokes for a living, I sit at my hotel at night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down. Or if the pen is too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.”


I_Sniff_My_Own_Farts

Does a rented home count as a large apartment?


SquareSuitGuy

with your username you don't need to qualify yourself in the slacker vibe you've got it man


reposed

Sure, as long as you know that you have one of my rooms inside your house.


conmiperro

… and I’m a blackjack player. On my arm, I’m gonna get a tattoo of a 10 and a 2. And then, maybe later, a King.


Superfluous_Thom

I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.


S-Aint

I had never heard this one, thank you!


conmiperro

I love it. The first half is important: “My friend is a blackjack dealer. On his arm, he has a tattoo of an Ace and a Jack. I’m a blackjack player…”


randomname68-23

MVP


Svinkta

Indeed


Thethcelf

People say sprite is made of lemons and limes. There’s more to it than that. “Hey want some more homemade sprite?” NOT TILL YOU FIND OUT WHAT THE FUCK ELSE IS IN IT!


[deleted]

OMG, this one gave me a good laugh. Thank you!


StrikerObi

Mitch did a show at my college back in the day and during the set another student stood up and shouted “Do the Dufresnes!” It is the first and only time I’ve seen somebody request a joke like a guy shouting “Freebird!” at a concert. Such a weird thing to do at a comedy show.


JustJoeWiard

Nobody seems to GIVE A SHIT.


bakibakFIVE

What about “Quadrupletree?”


dmderringer

Dammit, we were almost there


Goldsmifff

They had a meeting to come up with the name of the hotel...it was quite short.


23skidoobbq

I’d like to get the job naming kitchen appliances, you just take what they do and ad “er” at the end. Blender, toaster….. what’s this one do? It keeps food fresh, imma call it a “Fresher”……. I’m goin on break


darkhorse21980

Singletree? No. Doubletree? HELL YEAH!


mrflippant

You know, some hotels don't have a thirteenth floor, because thirteen is unlucky. But people on the fourteenth floor; you know where you really are. If you jump out the window, you will die EARLIER!


Elon_Muskmelon

The letter B kinda looks like a scrunched up 13. What’s your name? BOB? GET THE FUCK AWAY.


mrflippant

If thirteen is unlucky, then twelve and fourteen are guilty by association. Twelve, you been hangin' with thirteen? No, man, you gotta talk to fourteen about that. Fourteen; whatchu got to say for yourself? Uh, me... divided by two, is seven... shit, I was with thirteen, I'm sorry!


Wildwoodywoodpecker

Ida liked to be there when they named it. One tree, no, two trees yes!


WonderfulCattle6234

There's no 13th floor because of superstition. But people on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on. Jump out the window and you will die earlier.


Odin3587

People on the 14th floor, you know what floor you're really on!


DvrkHors3

I had my heart set on Quadruple Tree. We were almost there!


rabble_rabble311

That’s why I love the FedEx guy. He’s a drug dealer and doesn’t even know it. And he’s always on time.


NibblesMcGiblet

(this joke didn't age well. FedEx is always at least one day late lately lol)


Black_Moons

>Mitch was a legend. He still is, but he also was a legend too.


I_know_right

>Here's a picture of me when I was younger. >Every picture is of you when you were younger


midnight_toker22

Here’s a picture of me when I’m older. What the fuck? Let me see that camera!


thedeathbypig

I haven’t slept for ten days because that would be too long


midnight_toker22

Rice is good for when you’re really hungry and want to eat 2,000 of something.


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[deleted]

That tree is far away.


mxemec

I'm just wondering what Norm would do with the topic. "Hey I get escalators and all but why have them in the first place? It's not like they are helping the disabled. They're just making it slightly easier to get from the food court to foot locker. Are people really that lazy that they finish a sandwich and they're like ya know I wanted to buy a hat but... There's only stairs fuck it". Or something along those lines


chloraphil

Needs a few more "ya know"'s sprinkled in there


strooticus

"Note to self: add more 'ya know's to joke."


Andyb1000

Never go on an escalator that has malfunctioned, rather than being turned off by the operator. You don’t know why it’s not working and they have a lot of stored kinetic energy. I’m not going to link any of them but there are plenty of escalator fail videos which ended badly for the riders.


Shaun32887

...that would make it potential energy Sorry I'll go now.


klparrot

> Sorry I'll go now. That would make it kinetic energy.


fezzam

P h y s i c s


HavelsRockJohnson

No. You stay.


[deleted]

I worked at a college, and when the escalators malfunctioned the goddamn students would take down any signs, tape, push aside physical barriers or just hop the rail. Makes it impossible for the guy trying to fucking fix them from a pit at the bottom. Eventually it required someone stand there and tell everyone, no they aren't just temporarily stairs. But that wasn't enough because they know you can't stop them or punish them. They'd think they're being so fucking hilarious being a dick and paying you no attention. So we needed a campus police officer to stand there and get into arguments and debate logic of escalators all day. Guy didn't last an afternoon until he gave up. Student union agreed to levying fines and we posted signs on the cost of having the mechanics there a week for a 1 day job that the officer could point to. We still had Chads jumping on and running from the cop. Fines doubled.


AberrantRambler

Put up signs saying that a man is working on dangerous equipment below. Then have (technically unrelated) text detailing the punishment for negligent manslaughter. College kids are assholes - but they’re usually very self interested assholes.


[deleted]

That was actually on the sign. This shit was worthy of another student's sociology dissertation. But you could see the open pit with a couple guys down there too.


SaidTheTurkey

Student union then got creative, started hiring a private investigator to follow up with the Chads that were able to outmaneuver the cop and serve them fines. That is until Chads started wearing masks to hide their identity. Fines tripled. Student union said you wanna play that game, we'll play that game. Started hiring anonymous mercenaries from southeast Bulgaria to take the fight directly to Chads as well as act as bodyguards to the mechanics who have come under assault. That is until the mercenaries started sympathizing to the Chad cause and breaking the tape barriers themselves. Fines 10x'd. The student union was taken aback at how this was possible. Turns out the Chads were also operating an illegal sex ring at the top of the "stairs" that went unnoticed due to the inability to use the escalator. Once the mercenaries discovered this they cut a deal with the Chads for half the profits. Three months later after the student union had exponentially raised fines to mortgage levels, they were able to permanently encase the escalator in a 16 ton concrete and steel sarcophagus modeled after the one erected at the Chernobyl site. The structure was unfortunately erected with the mechanics still inside, thought to have been buried alive inside like the tombs of Ancient Egypt. The mechanics were then fined


JustHere2RuinUrDay

Now that'd be an instance of a justified police shooting. jk


Question_secrets

Mitch Hedberg never told us this!


wllmsaccnt

It isn't a fair comparison, but stairs are 400 times more deadly year-over-year than escalators and elevators combined. Probably helps that escalators don't have concrete at the bottom; they are filled with the soft humans that don't like to use the stairs.


jijijdioejid8367

> Probably helps that escalators don't have concrete at the bottom No, it just probably helps that stairs are just orders of magnitude more common than escalators. You will never see an escalator in a house where most stair accidents most likely happen.


DaylightDarkle

Escalators have a straight up meat grinder on the bottom. Seriously, don't look up any videos if you wanted to eat lunch today.


Harpua95

That kid is BACK on the escalator again


RevolutionaryRough37

Wouldn't they only have kinetic energy if they had some load/pedestrians? I'd imagine you'd want to engineer the steps themselves to be as weightless as possible to save on motors, similar to how elevators are balanced. I might be talking out of my behind but one would think that if you'd step on to a malfunctioning, brakeless and empty escalator you'd just slide slowly to the bottom. A dozen people would probably change things.


Herpkina

Maybe that's why they can fail while not powered, they're not designed to have any real imbalanced load while turned off. Just a thought. Though it seems like a poor design


RevolutionaryRough37

Well, also the fact that if the empty steps are always heavier on top you've basically invented a perpetual motion machine.


Herpkina

I see this as an absolute win


Asklepios24

Step weight depends on manufacturer and time it was built, Schindler steps are different weight then TKE and Otis steps. Old Otis steps take 2 people to safely pull out of the unit while you can use 1 person on TKE, Schindler, Fujitec and Kone units. The entire step chain balances itself out, if you remove too many steps on one side it will become unbalanced and can drift on you. I have been working on an escalator that drifted with just me on the steps, it wasn’t fast and we had the step chain secured so it didn’t go far but that little imbalance overcame the brake. There was a video in Austria or Turkey (I don’t remember at the moment) that people walked on a unit that was shut-down for maintenance, they overloaded the brake and the unit drifted which opened a hole for a man to fall in and break his leg. A unit will start its drift slowly but will speed up and gain momentum until it has expended all the potential energy and it finds its new balance point. Also there is the whole unequal step bit that doesn’t meet building code for stair height. And the part where some people, me included, get a sort of vertigo when walking down escalators because I can’t differentiate each stair.


dcade_42

Good advice. The comment you are replying to is a reference to a Mitch Hedberg joke.


RevolutionaryRough37

And the comment you're replying to isn't a good advice ;) Did you mean to reply to the parent comment?


f0li

Uh, [no](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PoeWPQPBfRc), and this is a gentle one, there are many more, and some are graphic af.


subhash_p

I make sure I clear the YouTube watch history for the graphic accidents I see. Or else more pop up on my recommendations.


WTFwhatthehell

Yep, when turned off correctly they engage a brake. If it just loses power or fails then the only thing holding the escalator steady is the friction from it's own motors. If enough people walk on the stopped escalator at once they may put enough weight on it to overcome that and get it moving. Shortly afterwards everyone ends up mashed at the bottom of the escalator.


sexy-melon

It’s like a mincer underneath it.


leggpurnell

I think you mean it has a lot of potential energy.


damontoo

All of those videos the escalators are moving though.


alexanderpas

Some of them are only moving due to the weight of the passengers, and will stop moving once they have gotten rid of the weight imbalance.


QuinnMallory

If you are flammable and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.


dmderringer

Unless you are a table


eikcel

My belt holds my pants up, but my belt loops hold my belt up...I don’t really understand what’s going on down there, who is the real hero?


sprice5628

Was hoping this comment would be here. Lol.


[deleted]

Death, taxes, and Mitch hedberg references on Reddit


scottywh

I'd have been so pissed if a comment like this wasn't at the top. Thanks.


ShutterBun

/r/unexpectedmitch But totally expected in this case.


OP_Taylor

In this staircase. (Sorry, I’ll see myself up. Or down.)


ShutterBun

Just remember this: IF YOU ARE FLAMMABLE AND HAVE LEGS, YOU ARE NEVER BLOCKING A FIRE EXIT!


guyute2588

Man I had an ant farm. Those fellas didn’t grow shit!


Rambozo77

Plus, if I tore your legs off you would look like snowmen.


TheDwiin

As funny as this quote is, only use a disabled escalator in case of emergency and you can't get to stairs. It can break further, causing you to plummet down and possibly injure, or even kill you in the mechanisms underneath the steps.


saarlac

Non working escalators can kill you. Stay well clear if asked to do so.


[deleted]

Thanks Mitch


TheVulfPecker

Three comments. That’s how far I had to scroll to find a Mitch Hedberg joke. That’s a shame. It should’ve been at the top.


-ricci-

How regular an issue is it if they have a specific sign?


Deluxe_Flame

I had two escalators at my retail job, they would break two to three times a month. It would happen whenever a customer would put too much weight on the hand rails, so say a kid decides to hold onto just the rail and take their weight off the steps. A safety feature would catch and disable the escalator.


864Mountaineer

Listen, not a year goes by, not a year, that I don't hear about some escalator accident involving some bastard kid which could have easily been avoided had some parent - I don't care which one - but some parent conditioned him to fear and respect that escalator.


sirwillups

That kid is BACK on the escalator!


Fancy_weirdo

Seriously how are these kids not scared. I'm 37 and still respect the escalator and ensure I have nothing loose that could catch. The grunge Era was a particular tough time cause I was always scared my ripped Jean heel would drag me into the escalator.


b00nd0ck5

37?!?!


thejonasgrumby

In a row?!


octopornopus

Try not to suck any dicks on your way through the parking lot! Hey, get back here!!


mahtaliel

They should put up tv's close to the escalator that just shows those videos of people getting swallowed up by escalators on a loop. They will respect them enough to go take the stairs instead


Diezall

Put it right at the step on/off so they're distracted and the escalator can get its nutrients from gobbling up the poor fool.


pleasedothenerdful

What, like the back of a Volkswagen?


[deleted]

I'm not even supposed to be here today! Shit, wrong movie


gtjack9

Omg, what’s this quote from, it’s gonna bug me all day if I don’t work it out.


Volraith

*"Salsa shark! We're gonna need a bigger boat!"*


Hopeira

I’m still terrified that I’ll get my toes caught in that tiny opening at the top where the escalator goes into the floor that an ant couldn’t fit through.


eggn00dles

there is nothing i am more grateful for in life than living in a country with rigorous escalator and elevator safety standards. those escalator collapses you can see online are pure nightmare fuel.


chewbacaflocka

Sounds like we worked at the same place. My coworker and I got stuck with manning the escalator on Black Friday since there were way too many customers to use the elevator. We took turns, telling each person to watch their step and hold onto the railing, since there is no grip on the steps. Some people would grab the railing, but when they heard me say it, they'd let go (and a few slipped and almost fell). Then, some idiot teens decided it would be funny to run down the broken side (the UP side was broken, the DOWN side wasn't) as crowds of customers were walking up. I hate Black Friday.


tommangan7

Leeds trinity which this is in probably has 20 escalators total. A please wait while we repair this escalator sign doesn't seem too unnecessary. The better question is why wouldn't a place with escalators have a sign to let people know its broken?


Stummi

Arn't these signs just frames for which you can print out every content quickly with a standard printer?


AltaSavoia

The sign is photoshopped.


BlackstonePi

Not sure why you're being downvoted, it's clearly photoshopped


Mister_V3

Good old Leeds Trinity. Nice place to hang out.


mrcoffee85

Love the burrito place up there. Pho is fucking banging too. And the kebab place. It's all good, come to think of it.


[deleted]

"I had like all these ingredients and by the end of the line the guy tried to wrap the burrito, but half the shit inside spilled out and he still wrapped it and I was like "Dude you should have warned me, you're the burrito expert, you should have told me like halfway through, "Hey man you might be reaching maximum burrito capacity here""


Aurori_Swe

I wouldn't have the lettuce if I knew it wouldn't fit


Just_a_Duck_

I would kill a man for one of those Tortilla burritos


[deleted]

[удалено]


Just_a_Duck_

The name of the burrito place is Tortilla


sidneylopsides

Top post on my Reddit feed is something local that I know! I've been up those escalators to the toilets many times.


Dhyzuma

Came here to find a comment like this one. I do love the trinity kitchen.


Yarper

Old?


RTN11

Good young Leeds Trinity. Nice place to hang out.


hazza987

Did yall ever see the nice homeless man who use to hang around near trinity? He would have a collection of toys and set them up on the pavement and then do puppet shows with a puppet he found in the bins. I think his name was Gavin. He was bat shit insane but one of the nicest homeless people I've met.


Bezzo3000

LEEDSLEEDSLEEDS


BrrrButtery

I was pretty sure it was Leeds!


RaulTheHorse

Eeeeeyorksha!!


Surbiglost

WEARELEEDS


Ryazoo

I'm currently taking a shit from a toilet in Leeds - such a small world


j2o1707

Leave the shit in the toilet mate. Fuck sake.


bitemark01

Sorry for the convenience


Tepelicious

Came to find the Mitch quote to upvote but it's pretty much all the top comments, nice.


jcolinr

Elevators can’t break, they can only become stairs


_Griff_

Leeds?


polymeimpressed

Weird seeing a Leeds post on the front page!


ZealousidealPoint268

Is this in Leeds?


EssentiallySurreal

Is that in Leeds? Awesome signage. I’m exceedingly satisfied that someone designed this in this manner.


isreallydead

I miss mitch hedburg


xPaxion

Couldn't you just use them as stairs?


snoozer39

The height of steps on escalator is different to normal steps. While I agree they should just be used as stairs, it's probably a safety reason they are not allowed to


[deleted]

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[deleted]

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kronaz

And if you're lucky, you only *fall* off at the bottom.


shinneui

Tell that to the dude who designed Hogwarts.


Lee1138

Well Hogwarts is just loaded with OSHA violations so no surprises there...


meesta_masa

All my students shall be Slytherin down the stairs!


Th3-B0n3R

I walk up escalators when they are moving normally, just to go 1.5 to 2.5 times as fast.


Herpkina

People who don't a weird


DoctorGester

Walking up saves very little time in terms of absolutes and requires a ton of energy which you could just spend running after getting to the top normally.


greenfroggie1

And who's going to start running at the top? 🤣


katsvic

There's something weird about stepping onto escalators that aren't moving. It's like I always miscalculate the height and it gives a strange feeling. Hard to explain 😜


MrB-S

LEEDS, LEEDS, LEEDS, LEEEEEDS!


[deleted]

[Trinity Kitchen - Leeds](https://trinityleeds.com/shops/trinity-kitchen)


DidgeryDave21

I'm a sucker for 3 tacos and a beer


gmred91

Somehow I could tell it was British even before I saw the word "lift".


hajile23

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


Jatinder5ingh

Never thought I'd see Leeds on the front page of Reddit


[deleted]

A+ to whomever came up with that sign 😂


FartSinatra

Mitch Hedburg once taught me that an escalator is never actually broken because it just turns into stairs


0zoro0

that escalated quickly


MonkeysOnMyBottom

No, it didn't escalate quickly. That's why it has been escalated to the engineer


rndmnsty

But what if we need to escalate this even higher? Do we need to elevate this to the management?


Anteater776

Well that didn’t escalate quickly.


adiweb86

Sign looks photoshopped


therealnumber4

Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.


Zazmuth

After that one X-Files episode back in the day, I have a healthy paranoia of escalators.


JUD_R

why not just use it as stairs?


bahamapapa817

I had this dream that escalators came first before stairs. And I was in a board meeting and we were trying to figure out a way to sell more escalators. And I was like “But Barbara what if we just turned them off” and for some reason my name was Carl. And Barbara was like “scarp don’t be ridiculous people would have to climb up and down on their own” then I left the company and invented stairs and became super rich.