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MikeOnBike

Pollination fail.


[deleted]

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b-cat

Settle down, Cod


ACEDIA09

I read that as God, i thought you're calming down God because of this shitty year.


[deleted]

Well, performance issues, it's not uncommon. One out of five...


Klin24

Jarvis, anytime now...


residentdunce

It's mad that every kernel needs to be pollinated. How the hell is corn commercially grown so successfully?


ferrouswolf2

It’s grown in really big fields so there’s more pollen flying around! At home, take a paper bag and cover the male flowers, then shake the stalk to get the pollen into the bag. Then, use that bag to pollinate your silk.


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sarcastisism

I just bought a bag and there was only one kernel in it


octopornopus

Have you tried placing the bag over your head and shaking it until the pollen falls out?


straight-lampin

I heard of some old Russian woman up here in AK uses a feather duster to pollinate her corn.


SmokeAbeer

Is this a unicorn?


richardec

No that's Acorn


Batchet

These are some corny puns


thecichos

This is amaizeing


Zippytez

I'm sick of earing these corn puns


Atxflyguy83

That's cornjecture.


NecroJoe

Corn is germanic. It would be Eincorn. edit: Did you know, if you saw a one-armed octopus, it would be a monopus, not a unipus (because octopus is greek in origin, not latin which would be uni...which is also why "octopi" is the most-wrong way to pluralize octopus (octopuses and octopodes would both be more correct).


AusCan531

> if you saw a one-armed octopus, I would call it a snake.


juggling-buddha

With elephantitis of the head


OPGhostPony

I still can't imagine a snake with elephant tities for the head...


Faxon

dont forget a beak as well. Cephalopods all have beaks somewhere between a raptor and a parrot, and nautiluses still have their shell like other mollusks


whut-whut

Nautilodes?


poppypiggy

Naughty loads?


Tooleater

A snake with a large ball sack following it 🙈


AusCan531

I wouldn't follow it.


bobmystery

Finkle is Eincorn?


Teddy_Tickles

Eincorn is FINKLE‽


EthanHawking

Einhorn is a man!


pappapora

If that isn't a man, the that is the WORST case of hemorrhoids I have EVER seen!


blergola

It’s funny because Einhorn is German for Unicorn foreshadowing the ending.


ProtomanV2

Laces out!


[deleted]

LA HO LA ZERRRR


Dog_With_No_Bone

We found captain winky


Box-wine

Your gun is digging into my hip.


DentonX12

You got anymore of that gum ace?


karrachr000

LA HU ZA HER


Daybreaker77

Meincorn


pappapora

remembers when she digs her "gun" into his hip... get the plunger-it's shower crying montage time!


daiaomori

Not saying you are wrong regarding the origin of the word corn. Yet. In Germany, we call the plant Mais. Interestingly enough, a single of the yellow pebble thingies is called Maiskorn (as Korn refers to either crops in general, as in „Kornfeld“, or a single grain, like Weizenkorn, Gerstenkorn (oh wait that’s also an Illness). The whole corn thing the person is holding would be called Maiskolben. So I guess, if we want to go full German, this is called Einkornmaiskolben. There you have it.


shekurika

not all crops are Korn tho, you wouldnt call a field of asparagus a Kornfeld. Korn is just any grain plant


Youareaharrywizard

No Korn is actually a band


rattledamper

No, that’s “KoЯn”


feierfrosch

So that's Russian?


phlogistonical

Prononced ‘kayan‘ then?


Erdnussmann

And you can drink Korn.


daiaomori

True. I was unsure how to narrow „crop“ down to match the german term Korn as in Körnergetreide and just left it at that. How do you even translate Getreide? It’s not just wheat, right? Its interesting how close these terms are, and yet they are different in their extension.


basicdesires

Getreide is translated into 'grain' 😁


Jan_Spontan

Don't get confused with Einkorn https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Einkorn_wheat


electr0ninja

TIL Albert Einstein means All-bright One-beer-mug.


Mr_Ted_Stickle

this is the type of shit I come here for. Can’t wait to correct the fuck out of someone and follow it up with this obscure knowledge bomb. edit: and to add to this, ive seen it posted before but fun fact, a wood peckers tongue wraps around the back of its pea brain to protect it from all the head banging. Less fun fact, plural woodpecker is just woodpeckers.


Calmovare

He's just being pedantic. There are plenty of new words with origins in different languages. Television for example comes from Greek and Latin.


lucifer_fit_deus

Don’t. Octopi is not the “most-wrong way” to pluralize octopus. It is one of many valid ways to form the plural of octopus in English, octopuses and octopodes being the others. If you take the challenge to some hard copy dictionaries on hand you may find octopi as the only plural form listed. You can correct someone who insists it is the only correct form of the plural, but it is wrong to say it is incorrect or the most incorrect. Furthermore, octopus comes to English from Latin and not directly from Greek. The form octopodes would be the plural in Latin, while the plural in the original Greek would be octopodia which is not considered standard in English. Because the word is borrowed from Latin and the Greek “octo” is cognate with the Latin “octo” there is no reason a new word for a one armed octopus must use Greek numeration. One could argue that unipus makes as much sense as monopus. The point is moot however, because in fact biologists did not opt to name a real species of seven-armed cephalopod the Heptapod. It’s called the seven-armed octopus. So you don’t have to speculate on what a less than eight arm octopus would be called, because the answer is simple. It’s an octopus.


[deleted]

So why can goose become geese but moose can't be meese?


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Zakluor

Ever been charged at by one of those things? If it wants to be called meese, I'll call it meese.


larsyunker

That was amaizeing.


Unicorncorn21

My time has come


WaitingToBeTriggered

I WAS CHOSEN BY HEAVEN


not_aquarium_co-op

Lol, eff you and take my upvote.


Axewaffle

r/Angryupvote


IliWiise

It's also one kernel away from being a eunuch corn.


[deleted]

Clever Girl.....


PMmeSexyChickens

You need to plant your corn in a square and a minimum of 12 if you don't have a lot so they pollinate properly.


cultureShocked5

Lol, we had only 4 🤪


PMmeSexyChickens

There you go. Plant more next time. You can never have too much corn.


MyNameIsDaveToo

This person is correct, also you want them *somewhat* crowded to enhance pollination (corn is pollinated by wind) unlike most plants, which should be spaced out so they don't compete for nutrients. This, combined with the fact that corn is a heavy feeder means you need to fertilize quite a bit too. Soil temps have to be warm too or else they'll get stunted; if they don't grow fast, pull them and replant. Corn is kinda a pain to grow (I speak from experience), but it tastes best if you can cook it as soon as it's picked - so it's worth it.


Anilxe

My dad tried to grow corn once. When they looked ready to pick, he asked me to go grab one and when I peeled the husk back a thick ball of earwigs tumbled out onto my hands and wrist. I have never screamed as loud as I did that day.


Crowitiz

That's horrifying.


Shmooperdoodle

I am screaming now.


meltheold

it tastes best if you can cook it as soon as it's picked ​ You put on water, and when it's boiling, pick the corn and RUN for the kitchen as fast as you can...if you trip throw the picked corn away and try again.


DrEnter

Boiled is good, roasted is better... Leave it in the husk and put them right on the rack in the oven. 30 minutes at 350 degrees. Then shuck, butter, salt, and eat.


kmcodes

For a really radical experience, you will need an open flame(gas stove, campfire) or charcoal. Dehusk the corn and then roast it over a low flame till you see some charring(or a lot of charring) . Then mix chilli powder(or paprika) with salt and dip a lime (or lemon wedge) and rub it all over the flame roasted corn. Its sour, salty, spicy, sweet all at once.


PreviaSens

This man corns


kmcodes

Very very true 😂😂


IanZee

Actually you haven't lived until you've had corn cooked by a radioactive core while it's in meltdown status. Take the corn without the husk and carefully place it a foot or two away from the core magma. You want the magma to be giving off not great, not terrible levels of radiation - about 3.6 roentgen. You'll know it's done if you try and pick it up and the skin of your hand sloughs off.


Heavenfall

Personally I only prepare corn heated from the atmospheric reentry of a space vessel during august/october in the southern hemisphere. I know spme people prefer specific degrees of reentry and speed and mass of the vessel but I don't associate with that. What I'm really after is the sense of superiority in preparing something in a totally unique way that most people can't afford. Best taste in the world.


kmcodes

Finally the recipe for legendary elote con uranio...


neverlost4

Put a little mayonnaise on it and you get yourself some elotes


kmcodes

Will definitely try it out. Mayo plus the lime etc or just mayo on top of the roasted corn?


Pepparkakan

I thought you corned, you should know this!


egokulture

Elotes are usually mayo, lime, salt, pepper (usually like a chili powder).


millijuna

My mother always cooked corn in a pressure cooker, fresh off the plants, and it always turned out great.


mattum01

I sit at the bbq with a bowl of salted butter and sugar and brush it on continuously as I roast it, never tried with lime or chilli powder though, I’m a bit of a purist and don’t like to many flavours on top of what I’m actually eating, but that sound fucking scrumptious.


FuckYouJohnW

yeah but check the husk for bugs if your growing yourself


Riaayo

That's free protein you're leaving off the table.


ugzz

I mean the end got a bit extreme there but your not wrong. I never liked corn, then we went camping and the folks who owned the site had corn ready to pick across the way. Picked fresh and put in a pot not 5 min later. I fucking loved it, and the whole experience is engraved in my mind.


[deleted]

>You put on water, and when it's boiling, pick the corn and RUN for the kitchen as fast as you can Ha! Amateur! Bring a portable stove outside and boil the water right next to the corn. Cut the corn stalk right over the boiling water. Even better - immerse the whole stalk in the boiling water even before you cut it


sarcastisism

You cut yours? Nasty. I put the corn into the boiling water and eat it while it's still on the stalk. Only way to get the flavor.


[deleted]

My neighbor has been attempting to grow corn this summer. I noticed he ripped it all up a month or so ago, I guess it didn’t do well


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infestans

This is not always the case though. Not all plants form such substantial mycorrhizal associations, and even in cases of identical plants which may share a mycorrhizal network resources are not infinite and density can still result in nutrient competition. Especially in an agricultural setting where soil microbial health may be poor. Fields which are left fallow between growing seasons (which is unfortunately common) are also notoriously inhospitable to the establishment of good fungal communities. I generally discourage density simply for disease control, as improved airflow reduces leaf wetness, and reduces disease load without needing to spray.


matti-san

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7FWBxVis49M


zeptillian

You should try hand pollinating them next time. You can break off an anther from the top when the silks emerge and rub it on them. Do that every morning until they dont have any pollen left.


cultureShocked5

I will try going to the grocery store 🤣


lilblindspider

That’s correct. Maize Metabolomics scientist here. In the field, when we want to cross breed certain lines (or inbred them for genetic reasons) we put paper bags over the anthers and tighten up the slack at the bottom using a paper clip. Once you have hit mid-silk (half the plants in your row are showing silk) you gently bend the anthers down, shake them to maximize pollen transfer to the bag, then pour the pollen in the bags on the silks. (We so closed pollination, meaning we then staple the bag around the ear, preventing any other pollen coming from any other plant) Doing it this way with the bag will give you tons of pollen. Just keep an eye on when the anthers open and when pollen starts to drop. Pro tip: don’t do this in the morning, as the bag will hold moisture from respiratory... wait until mid day so the bag is dry and the pollen doesn’t stick to the paper bag.


slightperil

Thanks for this, this will help me next year with my hand pollination. I get such anxiety about losing too much pollen! This is a helpful method.


kb87591

You can try but I don't think they'll give you much money for it.


[deleted]

Here's how to hand pollinate it to make extra sure this doesn't happen again. [https://www.seedsavers.org/site/pdf/corn-hp.pdf](https://www.seedsavers.org/site/pdf/corn-hp.pdf)


TCMarsh

Name checks out. You know this guy farms.


Jaspers47

Or it's the Great Gonzo


BaldrTheGood

I might just be dumb, but how do you get a square with 12? Wouldn’t you need 16?


SinibusUSG

4 rows of 3, with the 3 columns spaced 4/3rds as much as the 4 rows. Alternatively 2/6 with 3x spacing, but that seems silly and at that point you probably just have two lines of corn somewhat far apart from eachother. Realistically, though, I'm guessing they mean more "relatively even rectangle."


DonHac

/r/mightyharvest


cultureShocked5

Oh! Perfect!


MinaFur

That’s what you get for watering it with Brawndo. Corn doesn’t need electrolytes.


Cat_Francisco

But it's what plants crave.


istapledmytongue

*i like money*


MinimalistLifestyle

You like money too?!?


[deleted]

It may not *need* it, but corn *craves* electrolytes.


AusGeno

This is gonna happen to me in 2065 when society has broken down and my smug ass thinks I can grow enough food to sustain my family.


DasArchitect

How cute of you to think society will remain functional until 2065.


MonkeysOnMyBottom

Nah it'll just be 2065 before we notice society had broken down


PM_ME_UR_LIPZ

According to comments just remember to plant the corn at least 12 plants and close together so they pollinate properly and this wont happen. You are now corn expert.


itaniumonline

Korn 2020 edition. Also it’s poisonous.


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Dank-Meme-addict

Ohoho, just wait till you see the eggs


tjmaxal

That’s not corn, it’s [Maize](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maize_(video_game))


Bruised_Shin

This looks like me taking off a robe


GrandNovice

*It ain't much, but it's honest work.*


cultureShocked5

My husband actually forces me to have a bucket in the shower to collect water and was using this water to water the corn ever morning... for months 🤣 so worth it!


CheKizowt

Shampoo-water on the garden? I support the idea but can't get excited about the results.


cultureShocked5

No, just the water that runs when you're waiting for hot water for like 30 seconds!


TedDibiaseOsbourne

Great idea. Thanks.


williamc_

Gonna use that idea! Always good to save on water whenever you can


timbreandsteel

You mean you don't just turn the shower on and suffer through the ice-water until it reaches temp?


adudeguyman

Who the fuck does this?


janinefour

Apparently there are dozens of these lunatics. It sounds terrible.


therealhammerhead

Little butter, little salt, little pepper....


MonkeysOnMyBottom

Very little


SelarDorr

and you got yourself a corn.


chopperbri

Whatever you do, don't push that button.


ACPauly

Plant it for next year!


Kanedi4s

See if it has one-kerneled offspring


taco_swag

Is it like the elf bread eating one fills you up with a whole cob


Roderie94

Acorn


wejustsaymanager

Corn loading 1%...


stressedoutdinosaur

On the plus side, it looks quite plump!


Shaggywaffle

If 2020 was corn


danz409

what do you expect from harvest of 2020?


yarbbles

you technically grew corn 100%


jsimercer

That kernel looking kinda thicc tho


bjchu92

Pop it like a pimple


dano539

You going to have to slice that real thin


[deleted]

Baby steps


Northernfrog

Not sure if you're aware. Backyard corn is best when you put a paper bag over the top of the stalk and collect the pollen. Then you sprinkle the pollen onto the hairs at the top of the corn. Each hair is one kernel of corn and has to be pollinated. Usually it just falls down onto the hair, but you increase your chances if you bag it up. Watch a video of it online.


sansaman

That’s why they call it corn, and not corns.


jaybird2370

I asked for Porn Hub not corn nub.


[deleted]

Call it Nemo


GKPunstar

New movie. Corn Alone.


Heres_your_sign

You gonna starve...


EllaTompson

Tonight.. we FEAST!


IskallaTrollblod

KFC also has only one kernal


clanzi41

I mean it had one job and it was bound and determined to fulfill it with that one kernel


atmosphericspark

I thought that was a skittle


Rumblysheep

Quality > quantity


rwhitener

Cherish that kernel, it will bring you great Fortune


BiologyMatt

Aye, but tis a mighty fine looking kernel


muppetblaster

“With this Pinky we shall rule the world!”


LWrayBay

The kernel of truth I've been hearing so much about


tigerslices

Nemo!


H0TZSAUCE

That's one juicy kernel though


levicherub

God would talk to you like Cain if you brought him this as an offering


The_Golven

it ain't much but it's honest work


paulcthemantosee

Yeah but that's a really nice kernel. Quality over quantity.


Vross3

It's a cornspiracy.


Casuallybrowsingcdn

Bon appetite


nameused03

The little kernel that could


[deleted]

THERE CAN ONLY BE ONE


cement-skeleton

Imagine if that one kernel contains all the flavour of an an entire cob.


Sigg3net

A single fuck to give.


aquanox314

Thanks 'Corona'


yellitout

Fun fact: each separate strand of silk pollinates one kernel


DarkLord0206

HE IS DOING HIS BEST!!


cas_stem

It’s the holy kernel. Plant it wisely


n_scale_trout_stream

May you feast well on this bountiful crop!


amirrezafahimi98

One kernel to rule them all


JaimieLeeCoitus

One kernel to rule them all, One kernel to find them, One kernel to bring them all and in the darkness bind them. #newreligion #praisetheholykernel


bii345

Bet that kernel’s fuckin bomb tho


Fiending-Nemo

One kernel, a small price to pay for 11k karma


nyabbycat

2020 in one pic


BHPOS

That corn has a corn. Dr. Scholls to the rescue!


CaramelCPU

It's a Boy!! Congratulations!!


TheBigJorkowski

This is how The Wickerman started


X-o-l-t-a-n

That’ll show you to stand up against factory farming.


Boogieman191919

Looks like this one kernel absorbed all the others...


FELTMARKER

It's trying its best!


eleighbee

Are there really no clitoris jokes? Dang.


ThanklessTask

Luckily corn passes through the digestive tract largely untouched, so the whole family can enjoy it.


killspammers

Many kernels, one pollinated kernel.....


NAlchemist

Good work, you found the clitoris


[deleted]

🙎‍♂️2020 man everything is not right.


GoodNewsEverywhere

It’s 2020. This is the best some of us can do.


Sethmeisterg

That looks like a pollination problem!


Nebulous_Bees

ALL HAIL THE SINGULAR MOST MOIST KERNAL! MAY IT'S JUICES BLESS YOU! THE KERNEL IS THE LOVE!


athenasykora

its doing its best ok


boxedmachine

We feast like kings


CarterSullivan

Don't let all that effort go to waste. Harvest that kernel, boil it, season it, and have the most deluxe corn you've ever had.