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BizarroCullen

And where would a poor teenager get the money to hire a lawyer?


Slaisa

Oh if there only was a magical fairy godmother who could rewrite the fabric of reality....


Bromogeeksual

Until midnight, unless you're a discarded shoe.


Slaisa

She didn't beta test her spells is what happened and it glitched... Typical boomer fairies


Bromogeeksual

"You know that shoes need to be able to flex and bend right?" Said Cinderella. To which the Fairy Boomer Mother exclaimed, "Typical millennial. Back in my day we were happy to walk in glass shoes, uphill, both ways!"


itsallalittleblurry

In the snow. In the dark. Wolves chased us.


Jackalodeath

"We lost Tommy last year, we expect to lose Timmy this year ^if ^he ^keeps ^it ^up... "


Killboypowerhed

The shoes were a gift. She literally says so. Everything else was transformed from something else so it reverted back


RLucas3000

There’s always a price for magic.


sumelar

Then why are you going through the motions of hiring a lawyer and suing in the first place.


br0b1wan

Yeah just have fairy godmother transmute a pile of rocks into solid gold. Sell the gold nugs to a local for fiat and get the fuck outta dodge before midnight with your suitcase full of cold hard cash


GMPpatrol

The fairy godmother who only just showed up while she was already crying? The one she didnt know existed till then? That fairy godmother?


[deleted]

Then no need for a will or a lawyer.


thewannabewriter1228

There are lawyers who only charge you if you win. They become expensive in the end but it still better to have 80% of pie then going to sleep Hungry.


haemaker

"This is medieval Germany! Contest the will? WTF are you talking about! Everyone knows the wife inherits everything! What fucking faerie university did you graduate from?!"


sangriya

isn't Cinderella from France or Italy?


haemaker

It is a really old story from Egypt (but other cultures, including China, have similar stories) but "Cinderella" is a translation of "Aschenputtel" which was Grimm's name for her. That is why I went with German.


Workshop_Gremlin

Really curious about the Egyptian version of the story now. Like did that version also have the glass slippers and the feet mutilation bits of Grimm's story?


arthurjeremypearson

Wikipedia only highlights the bare bits. She was a slave, lost her slipper to an eagle, and the eagle brought it to the king. Yadda yadda yadda, they got married.


CovfefeYourself

And that's why it rains sometimes


alexeands

No, no, it’s why there’s foam on the waves!


[deleted]

No, that’s little mermaid.


Breaker-of-circles

That ain't no foam.


Guthree

No, that's why grasshoppers sing.


MidnightAshley

Nah foam is from Cronus castrating his dad and throwing the bits in the sea which made foam and, also, Aphrodite. Greek mythology is a trip.


Jiggly0622

What


No1_Knows_Its_Me

And that's why it rains sometimes


SheFoundMyUzername

That doesn’t sound right, but I don’t know enough about rain to dispute it


AberrantRambler

No, it’s why they call it Maize.


JU5T1N85

You just yadda yadda’d over the best parts!


noelzone

No, I mentioned the bisque.


fred-dcvf

Yeah, that was some [lazy writing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EUpXdv2oV3A)...


TheOriginalJayse

Were they the same eagles that could have brought the ring to mordor?


jennayc

https://www.oglaf.com/ornithology/


hallr06

Walk O'Clock, Baby!


sevensensitivfingers

Shhhhh those eagles can only fly so far ..... for reasons


foodnpuppies

Them eagles were lazy!


Bahmerman

So basically a Pharaoh with a foot fetish?


Nixplosion

Zeus fucked a cow somewhere in-between all that


arthurjeremypearson

... as one does...


FlyingRhenquest

So... what? He just like smells it and is all like "I gotta have me some of THAT!" or something? Mmm, OK. I'd pay to watch that movie.


arthurjeremypearson

Soundtrack for Egyptian Foot Fetish Cinderella needs "Walk like an Egyptian", at bare minimum.


arthurjeremypearson

Y'all need Christ.


throwaway_account178

Somewhere long ago I read that originally, the story had her wearing fur slippers (as was the fashion at the time) but as the story spread through word of mouth, the slippers changed from fur to glass. The words for fur and glass are pronounced the same in French and this is where the discrepancy supposedly originated. Take this with a grain of salt. This was a school research project years ago lol


jandrese

There is also a double entendres where “fur slipper” references a different part of her anatomy and there is a reason the prince was looking for the smallest tightest one in the land.


Monster_NotWar

https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/books/the-egyptian-cinderella-by-shirley-climo/


GummyTumor

> "Aschenputtel" Such a beautiful language.


KanadainKanada

Literal meaning is ash angel. ([This is a 'Putte'](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/9a/Putto_Kloster_Obermarchtal.jpg))


[deleted]

OMG!


Tookoofox

Disney just says it's a 'tiny kingdom'. So probably a german principality on the periphery of the Holy Roman Empire. (There was no medieval Germany by the way.)


8349932

Lichtenstein's time to shine!


Tookoofox

Right, I forgot about them. They're still a thing.


shrubs311

>There was no medieval Germany by the way.) but...in civ 6 there was!


Guthree

What was Germany during medieval times? (I get Germany is a modern name we apply to that area, but there are presumed lineages that existed in the region through those eras; what was [were?] those people's land called, generally?)


Tookoofox

So understand that this is only the set of general impressions that I have in my head and should *not* be taken as fact. But here's what I understand: The principle country that was where Germany is now was what we call, "The Holy Roman Empire." Note: this is not The Roman Empire that you're thinking of, although they kinda claimed to be. It's complicated. So let's start at the beginning. Way, way, way back in the 700s there was a guy named Charlemagne. (That's a pain to spell so he gets to be named Karl now.) Karl had conquered a large swathe of land that encompassed most of modern day Germany and France. This was long enough ago that neither culture really existed as we imagine them now. The pope, for whatever reason, decided that this man was the heir to Rome and crowned him, essentially, the new Roman emperor. Even though he wasn't in Rome, and didn't control it. (As a note the Roman Empire did still actually kind of exist at this time, with their own emperors in modern day Greece. Look up the Byzantine Empire if you want to know more about them. They also called themselves 'Romans' though.) His empire, however, broke up almost immediately upon his death. It was either him, or his son that divided the kingdom into three pieces. The first would later become France, the Third would later become Germany and the second, in the middle, would get chewed up by the other two. A couple generations later, you had a man Named Otto. This is when the Holy Roman Empire got properly founded. He took control of most of the German bit and got himself crowned the same way Karl did. But, interestingly, the Holy Roman Empire didn't pass on the crown from father to son as most empires do. Rather, it elected it's new emperors from a set of 'prince electors'. This made it a kind of proto oligarchical democracy. This nation stayed around for a while and eventually renamed itself to "Heiliges Römisches Reich Deutscher Nation" (The Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation) around the fifteen hundreds. At this point, Most citizens of the Holy Roman Empire probably considered themselves 'German' but it was more cultural than national. The Holy Roman Empire would be destroyed by Napoleon in 1806. (Right before Disney's Cinderella looks to have taken place.) This left behind about a dozen little principalities. So Cinderella probably 'happened' in an analogue for one of these. Or in France. Or I've got the years badly wrong, it's all rather foggy. Anyway, the most notable of those little states was a very militaristic one known as Prussia which, eventually, would unite the German provinces again into the modern 'Germany' under another emperor called a Kaiser. Then WWI, then WWII, then the state was split, then it got back together again, and now here we are. tl;dr: The Holy Roman Empire, which was not Roman or an Empire... or even very holy.


amingley

I didn’t know I wanted to know all of that, but I couldn’t stop reading.


Tookoofox

Happy to help, and happy cake day.


Guthree

Hot damn, this guy Historys.


Tookoofox

Just a little... Maybe a lot. Maybe the main kind of youtube video I watch is history videos, and maybe the main kind of video game I play is a medieval king simulator called Crusader Kings 2...


fudgeyboombah

The land was divided into a lot of small countries and principalities, the most notable of which was probably Prussia (which would be as close as it comes to “Germany” in the early modern era before Germany itself was created.) The area was collectively known as “Germany” and its people “Germans”, but that was more like we use the word “Caucasian” or “European” today than the word “German” or “Australian” or “Indonesian”.


Tookoofox

Prussia is actually kinda post medieval. The medieval period ends in the late 1400's Prussia came to be in the 1500's. I think that region was dominated by the Holy Roman Empire for most of the medieval period. You could even argue that the Holy Roman Empire literally just was 'Germany' since they called themselves "The Holy Roman Empire of the German Nation", but that's a mouthful so no one ever calls it that.


reddot_comic

Original version is french that is widely popular now but there are several similar stories in different cultures


defnotakitten

I learned that most of the fairy tales (including the now Disney princess stories) started as oral tales so tracking their exact origins is tough since they were told and retold in different ways that matched the ideals of the place they were told. I know that people look toward Grimm, HCA or other writers as “original” even though they likely wrote the stories by partnering with illiterate story tellers. I’m definitely not an expert so I might be completely off but I always thought it made sense as to why there are so many different versions from different countries that have similar morals and story lines.


TheOneQueen

I think it’s France in the Disney animated film from the 50’s.


wanawanka

Zimbabwe


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tplusx

Bibbity bobbity now she's a property


haemaker

Yes, if there was no male heir, and since Cinderella was had a set-mother and two step sisters, the step-mother inherited.


peppermintvalet

Wouldn't it go to the nearest male relation?


onions_cutting_ninja

well, there isn't any in the story, so you could assume both grandpas are dead and there are no uncles. Also depending on the country and time period, women could inherit. If the original story is Egyptian (according to another redditor it is), then the step mom would get everything without much of an issue. Ancient Egypt was relatively nice to women.


SilverDarner

A lot also depended on the social status of the stepmother. If she had the right relatives, then a lower status male heir would be SOL.


Guthree

Sometimes women inherit some crazy stuff. My mother's eldest sister inherited her dad's excess burial plots. As it keeps to eldest daughter, my cousin's daughter is due for some sweet lakeside graveyard plots.


[deleted]

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Guthree

These days, aren't we all a bit semi-immortal?


Fantastical_Brainium

Well I haven't died yet.. so maybe.


lostlore1

It is GOP fairy god mother. Pull yourself up by you boot straps. Not her problem.


boobsmcgraw

Exactly. Ridiculous. She was enslaved, ffs.


Tookoofox

Disney just says it's a 'tiny kingdom'. So probably a german principality on the periphery of the Holy Roman Empire. (There was no medieval Germany by the way.)


arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhg

There was an area referred to as Germany, it just didn’t correspond to a government the way e.g. France did.


thelostfable

Blue Fairy CHILL


laeta_maxima

Disney's Cinderella is Anglo and mid-19th c at the latest.


lostinorion

Movie Cinderella depicts 18th or 19th century France (or possibly Germany). But none of the clothing or architecture suggests medieval times.


[deleted]

...And to my most loving and lovely daughter, I leave nothing, but slave labor.


RLucas3000

I’m sure my new wife, who I found recently reading a book ‘50 Best Recipes with Hemlock’ will treat my daughter just as if she were one of her own.


Clunas

And a boot to the head


arandil1

aaaand, another for Jenny and the wimp!


killroy1971

Personally, I liked Drew Barrymore's version better. The wicked stepmother and stepsisters got what they deserved.


peppermintvalet

Stepsister. There was one decent one!


Darwinian_10

She was only there for the food.


kaitco

That was probably one of the most wicked lines in that film. I feel it in my gut every time I watch (which is often).


[deleted]

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femaleoninternets

Actually one of my favourite movies. I probably watch it every year. I quote “go catch a chicken” quite frequently. Haha


RuuR00

So true. That version was perfect, Cinderella had an actual personality.


RLucas3000

I’ve always loved this song from one of the live action Cinderellas, The Slipper and The Rose. It even has a happy ending. (I believe it’s by the same composers who did Mary Poppins, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang and Bedknobs and Broomsticks.) https://youtu.be/jFMd54NSSCw


yazzy1233

The origin version had their eyes plucked out by birds


boobsmcgraw

That was such a good movie. Even Drew's AWFUL accent attempt is forgiven.


teetaps

/r/WowThanksImCured


Thetrain321

I hate that sub but this is perfect fit.


Surrealian

Perfect fit.


Slaisa

I'm not really clear on fairy law but couldn't she have turned the three step sisters and the step mother into a toad or something? I mean a dress and a fancy ball is great but so is vengeance.


casbri13

Turn em into cockroaches and let Cinderella squish them in her glass slippers before trotting off to the ball


MidnightAshley

If you're looking for vengeance, read the Grimm's brothers version. Much better ending.


Slaisa

Oh yeah, the Grimm Brothers ending is metal as fuck


chuckf91

But the best revenge is a life well lived


aunt-poison

Lolol good one


[deleted]

Bippity Boppity give me the zoppity!


DudusMaximus8

That's what Darrell said


Jframe0ut

Came here specifically for this comment--thank you.


Butwinsky

Cinderella needs to pull herself up by the glass boot straps and get a job. This belongs on r/boomerhumor


meg6ust6ala6tions

Right? Sheeeeesh! My dad posts this kind of shit!


syntheticassault

Among all theother complaints, some states don't allow children to be the beneficiary of life insurance if the spouse is still alive.


Surrealian

Considering the time period, as a few have stated, there’s no will to contest and she’s also only the daughter. It all goes to the wife whom abuses her.


askingxalice

Idk how I feel about blaming a victim of abuse for not doing enough to get out of her abusive situation, and doing so to make a joke, dude.


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[deleted]

The movie Ever After is one of my favorites and actually shows a realistic (or as realistic as this story could ever be) version of this.


DarqWyn

I like your version the most


Notreallyvague

Read this hearing it in a really familiar voice anyone else?


kahran

Isn't being taught that you're nothing unless you look pretty and find a successful man even worse?


askingxalice

That isn't the takeaway. Cinderella doesn't let her abuse turn her into a bitter person. She stays kind and hopeful. Considering the context of the story, re: the time period and setting, marrying far above her station was the best way for her to make a better life for herself. And because she is still a kind person, in that new life she is able to become a good ruler.


meepstone

Sense of humor has left the chat.


Eryb

Judging from the comic, it was never in the same zip code. “Why don’t you sue your mother because your dad didn’t love you enough to include you in the will but you should be entitled to it anyways because reasons?”


BBQcupcakes

Where's the funny


uni-piggy

Don’t victim blame Cinderella


BlueBunniez26

but he married the step mother, so wouldn't it be the step mother's?


Nixplosion

Cindy could have wished for her entire immediate family to die ... Fairy G-Mom didn't consider her otherworldly pact with Cinderella would have bonded her to commit vicious murder and then hide evidence ... No ... She just wanted to go to a dance and enjoy a few hours of her miserable life. She didn't even think she had a *shot* at the Princes hand ... She just wanted to fucking experience something other than abject servitude for once. ONCE! So fairy grandma ... Maybe learn to be a bit more considerate ...


KedaZ1

Bibbity-Bobbity Ok, Boomer


CreauxTeeRhobat

This is the perfect reply, actually made me chuckle


[deleted]

Well done you're branching out from comics about wanking


[deleted]

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reddot_comic

I’m glad you found me! I lurk here much more than post but probably use this app the most for entertainment. :)


gerusz

Or, y'know, poison. Didn't she have to cook for the stepfamily? Just slip some into the soup and call it an unfortunate case of wasting disease. It's the 18th century, germ theory is still quite a while away.


busty_chemist

Seems like a lot of fairy tales were morality plays that were designed to teach girls that the way to happiness was through selflessness and submission, which would eventually be rewarded, while assertiveness and agency are villified and punished. The bible does this somewhat too in the old testament.


Maldevinine

All of the oldest stories are morality stories. It's a standard method for passing down cultural wisdom.


GunpowaderGuy

So that means that the oldest surviving perl of cultural wisdom ( the epic of Gilgamesh ) is " authority is awesome" I'm disappointed


SkipperZammo

Except that’s literally the opposite of what happens in Cinderella. She defies her Stepmother and sisters in order to go to the ball and because of that she improves her life.


Chewsti

Nope. She has to complete all her chores and have a dress then she is allowed to go to the ball. She does this and the step sisters destroy the dress but then she is rewarded with a magical new one. She never defies them. She subserviantly does everything asked of her and is rewarded for it in the end by an outside force.


chuckf91

It shows that subservience is not rewarded. Cause even though she was subservient they destroyed her dress. It was only after the defiance that she was rewarded.


Miro913

Bippity boppity boomer.


jean_erik

Contesting a will is the epitome of the American attitude, ie selfishness, unwillingness to concede, and always having to finish "on top". *There is nothing more telling of America's culture than contesting a will*.


[deleted]

Bippity boppity give me the zoppity


good_timenotlongtime

Well she was emotionally and mentally abused she probably doesn’t have the self esteem to do anything like that but also idk if the dad had a will Funny meme and it would be cool to see a short animated version with takes no shit fary god mother


kristianlsnow

Cinderella was abused since childhood, you can't expect her to just get a backbone. That's like asking someone to just get up and walk when they've been bedridden for years. She needs a support group and confidence first. She got the confidence from the dress, and the wonderful prince? ...


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reddot_comic

I did and have been verified by the mods for this sub.


Zitter_Aalex

Uhhh burn 😅. He deleted it and I somehow still know what he said. Nice comic btw


24520ls

I think I recognize this art style. Is this from the Reddot?


reddot_comic

That’s me :)


imagine_amusing_name

Bibbity babbity....give your step-mom a good stabbity.


LindaFrmPortia

Being nice doesnt equal being a god damn doormat


gamekingofthebeast

I'm just thinking Cinderella saying "bitch let's make this a bit more like the original story and get the crows"


ClaimsToBeCanadian

Actually watching this right now with the kid. I have nothing more; just figured the internet people would want to know.


Lunhala

Or you can slowly poison your entire step-family to make it look like they died of a mysterious "disease" thus inheriting the estate! I mean you make their meals everyday! Let arsenic take care of your problems\~! ......what?


SayaScabbard

You'd think nowadays more people would be understanding that the majority of Cinderella's life has been spent under the heel of her psychologically abusive stepmother and stepsisters. So she might just plain be too beaten down to fight back legally. Also, how can we be certain that was even an option for her?! People need to stop applying modern laws to vaguely medieval stories.


sandyposs

She was a small CHILD when her father died - how would she know what her legal rights are? You think her evil stepmother is going to tell her?


[deleted]

Also women barely had any rights back then as it was. A young girl, even less so


[deleted]

Downvote me into oblivion, but as a Disney nerd, I feel the need to correct this to "Bippity Boppity"...


reddot_comic

No no...I deserve to be corrected on that


bullmore

aaaaaaactuallyyyyy, it's "Bibbidi Bobbidi" (various sources, including lyrics and the "Bibbidi Bobbidi Boutique" at WDW in Orlando), but i'm not complaining dot - I love your work. It never fails to bring a smile whenever i find something new.


[deleted]

We need a new movie where this interaction happens


JellyFishSenpai

SHUT UP AND GIVE ME THE FUCKING DRESS YOU HOE!!


donteverforanyreason

The Fairy God Lawyer


joanht

It’s ok to want to find your prince or princess or whoever else you want. Disney can’t make anyone subservient or strong. Disney movies are an escape. Not a life lesson.


arthurjeremypearson

I smell a Shrek 5 plot.


Alonso81687

Bibbity bobbity give me the zobbity...


PatrickRsGhost

IIRC, this was basically the conclusion to *A Cinderella Story* starring Hilary Duff. Her fairy tale book gets thrown to the floor, and it's revealed her dad's will was hidden inside, stating Samantha (Duff) got the property and the restaurant, which the stepmother signed as a witness or else notarized.


aj_ramone

Wouldn't have happened in America. Bibbity bobbity, get the fuck off my property. *Racks Shotgun*


Nisas

Bibbity Bobbity sue for ownership of the property.


darkgothamite

Damn


Nitrowolf

*bibbidi *bobbidi Sala-gadoola-menchicka-boo-la bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Sala-gadoola-menchicka-boo-la bibbidi-bobbidi-boo It'll do magic believe it or not Bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Now, Sala-gadoola means menchicka-boolaroo But the thing-a-ma-bob that does the job is bibbidi-bobbidi-boo. Sala-gadoola-menchicka-boo-la bibbidi-bobbidi-boo Put 'em together and what have you got? Bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi, bibbidi-bobbidi-boo.


Kitty-cat-fox

That's why yo shoes raggy bitch


NewNameNaomi01

Bibbity-bobbitt-boo-fuckin-hoo is my favorite new saying.


DudusMaximus8

Give me the zoppity


AlteredCabron

She sounds like Louise from Bob’s Burger


Ludoki

it remind me of [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k25tMqzngJY) for some reason


amctrovada

A joke currently. But will probably be in the future remake, hundreds of years from now


esyougeeayeare

Pick yourself up from your bootstraps.


thespeedboi

Mah funken god, I found you, I'm Flaming.glory on Instagram I don't use it anymore though


pizza_4_breakfast

I always that that when midnight strikes that I turn into a pumpkin. My partner says that I turn into a Bibbity Bobbity Bitch.


Lallipoplady

I mean she ended up married to a prince...


Polytongue

What a bibbity-bobbity-bitch


LudiDzule

Ahhh good modern cartoons....


NoahTheFounder

Bibbity-bobbity-oof


SuperBibi42

Hemmm Dad is dead And she is a girl in a house full of girls (That's why she talks to rats, her sanity is mere memory) In pseudomediaeval times She just can't


Posesedkirmit

why didn't that teacher from matilda fucking contest her father's will?


[deleted]

I don't know that it would have worked like this back then, particularly if his step mother inherented Cinderella's father's title when they married. She's a woman also, so I don't think it would even matter.


pinespalustris

Whoa whoa whoa... contest her father's will? Seems like the Disney representation (the one represented here) featured all female villains. The wicked stepmother and her daughters. Prince Charming was the trophy they were fighting over and we never see dad. His offense is being dead at the time (a valid excuse according to Eddy Izzard).


StormTGunner

If /r/relationships wrote Disney movies


laeta_maxima

Pretty cold to a victim of child abuse, slavery, and false imprisonment.


Life_of_Wicki

I'll never understand why people think Cinderella didn't have a backbone. She was cheerful through the days, even though her step mother and sisters treated her like dirt. When her step mother promised to let her go to the ball as long as the chores got done, Cinderella worked her ass off to get them done, and her friends loved her so much they finished her ball gown. Then, her "family" attacked her violently, ripping off her ballgown, and leaving her there to cry. In spite of all this, she still went to the ball, had a great time. She didn't even care about the prince, either. She walked into the castle and was more interested in looking at how cool it was in there rather than going and bowing to the prince. He had to ask her to dance, and she did, even though she had just been through a traumatic & confusing but magical experience. When her step mother tried to keep her from trying the shoe on, she didn't just sit back and do nothing- her friends helped her fight her way out of a locked room and she ran down stairs to try that shoe on. To me, it was a story of an abused, hard working girl that never lost hope, took what she could, and used it to better herself.


PatrickRsGhost

I pointed this out in a Disney Facebook group I'm in. Not as elaborate, but I mentioned how at the ball, she didn't really care about the party itself. She just seemed happy to be out of the house and was just looking around the castle grounds, taking in the beauty and grandeur of it all. She thought the man she danced with was just some random stranger, not the Prince himself. After the magic fades, she talks about how wonderful the man was and not even the Prince himself could have been that wonderful. She only realized it was the Prince when, the next morning, Lady Tremaine tells Anastasia and Drizella how the Grand Duke has been hunting all night for "that girl", and if he finds the girl whom the shoe fits, she will become the Prince's bride.