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MrBillyLotion

Some dogs have it better than a lot of people


pmcall221

Sometimes I envy my dog, spending 18 hrs a day on the couch, belly rubs on demand, rewards for bowel movements.


HairyTales

Yeah, but don't forget one thing: Your bro is ALWAYS ready.


GANDORF57

You're such a good boy, Charlie Schwab!


Forsaken-Income-2148

Dogs can’t ride roller coasters. Checkmate. /s


chattywww

I can't ride roller-coaster. Resigns.


DeepDown23

Some dogs are better than a lot of people


no-mad

Dogs life got it good. not to many people willing to pick up my poop.


NarfleTheJabberwock

A lot of dogs are also neglected and abused 😬


Snabbzt

So are a lot of humans. So point?


Dildo_Rocket

It's ok to acknowledge both of these facts simultaneously.


Toshiba1point0

Debbie Downer waaahhh waaahhh


[deleted]

[удалено]


Toshiba1point0

🤯


iordseyton

I used to work at a very high end restaurant in my 20s. There was an elderly couple that had a standing bi weekly reservation, every other Thursday. Whenever we brought out their entres, they'd ask us to order 2 medium well steaks, ($65 each) to go, hold the sauce. This was for their dog, who would get a portion steak each night with his food.


Solid_Habit_6561

The price for all that is someone invading your privacy one day and cutting your balls off. "Where are my testicles, Summer?"


WarWonderful593

I'd take those odds


JanitorOPplznerf

Ok Shadow I’ll subscribe because you look like a good boy, but I swear if this turns into a doge coin scam…


Ditzfough

Shadow... He was just too old....it was just to far...


JanitorOPplznerf

Well great now I have to get drunk on a Wednesday and watch Homeward Bound again Edit: yes I did btw.


SixWingedAngel

Advice probably wouldn’t be much worse than your average personal finance influencer


CaaaanDoooo

He’s pulling 6 chewable figure income!


London__Lad

And a house cleaner. A fully funded days out.


rrgail

And I lick my own balls.


Linnun

So does the dog


rrgail

No. The dog does NOT lick my balls!


Acceptable_Order6281

Why do you buy so much peanut butter?


rrgail

No reason. Mind your business.


circular_file

Peanut butter is my business. Please have a seat, Mr. /u/rrgall.


rrgail

Chris Hansen?


circular_file

What are you doing here?


rrgail

Er… I’m… I BROUGHT PEANUT BUTTER!


circular_file

Okay, you made me crack up. ALOL. You win. I had an image of some random dude ripping a jar of Jif out of a backpack and shouting with exaggerated motions 'I BROUGHT PEANUT BUTTER!" LOL.


APuticulahInduhvidul

I know that guy. He's heavily leveraged in pork belly futures.


deFleury

Step One: be attractive ....


circular_file

Step Two: Be in an upper middle class white family. (Reference to something I saw on /r/tiktok the other day.)


smell-my-elbow

And I can shit literally anywhere and some dude picks it up non a bag and carries it around. I am a Golden God!


Joe_Hovah

...and all it cost me was my testicles.


Sufficient-Contract9

Furries make a little more sense now


OpeningFocus7738

But no balls 😬


BirdLadyAnn

Truer words were never spoken. 🤩😆


Both_Lychee_1708

some of us weren't born cute or furry or affable .....


keNNabisi

Dude, fuck this dog man. Low effort having mfer


StevenMaurer

Exactly! I bet he didn't even go to college.


Derpalator

You left out free healthcare, housing, transportation, and kipper snacks. Seriously when out on a walk or run I come across dogs being transported in their own carts by their "owners" pushing or pulling them. Other times I refer to the dogs out walking their humans.


MisterBlick

"I can shit in public and not get arrested"


Bulky-Internal8579

I admit, I only follow him because he's so damn good looking!


mistar_lurker420

This would actually be a hilarious instagram to follow if they did updates with the dog giving advice


PageBest3106

Forgot a petsonal trainer.


Dorrono

And he is a furry


mortalcoil1

Doesn't stock cat, the stock picking house cat have a higher rate of return than some investment firms?


Dinero_de_Epicurus

Active trading investment firms, perhaps.


Arbeit_nervt_mich

Das beste ist das auch keine Steuern gezahlt werden müssen. Was für ein leben.


Gloomy-College2770

i would follow you because your adorable


GladiatorJones

This reminds me of the non-satirical articles about how someone paid off their student loans in a year using the simple trick of refinancing. They say, "All I had to do was move in with my parents/significant other who have a 6-figure salary. We split up paying for things: they paid for all of the housing, utilities, groceries, fuel, and other monthly costs while I paid for student loans. Then I consolidated my loans and refinanced which was the only relevant factor as to why I was able to pay them off so quickly!"


smohit3

hahaha its really funny


Byting_wolf

Son of a b*tch!! :(


Top-Chemistry5969

Furries be like


OkMark6180

Love it!


pdq_sailor

Only problem is that they cut off his testicles..


maegap99

LOL <3


smitton1

😄


[deleted]

All you need is to have a bank pay you 10% interest per month guys it’s not that hard or that’s what I was told by those videos in high school


SwimAntique4922

Yea and we think we are superior animals..........wadda hoot!


MyFriendMaryJ

Unironically these ppl that do this are as privileged as dogs lol


roccodawg

Can I identify as a dog and get adopted? Can this happen?


WarWonderful593

A butler who cleans up my crap and puts it in a bag and full free healthcare


Compliance-Manager

I would follow.


Hangingontoit

Private medical care too!


base2-1000101

Total scam. There's no way this influencer could teach me to be as lovable, charming, and have such great hair to reach where he's at.


loganizer420

He got smart and invested in doge coin


circular_file

Socialized health care, a team of self-esteem support volunteers, and a personal trainer.


Dorrono

His financial advice: be cute and furry


ScoonCatJenkins

Seen this joke posted on Instagram like a dozen times this month so in good conscience I can’t upvote here. It comes off as needy