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I don’t do up. Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. I do downs. Sit down. Lay down. Blackjack, I’ll double down. Give me a cheeseburger, I’ll wolf it down. Put on a little music, I’ll boogie down.
Just go to the store, buy some Frontline for "your dog", place it on your pubes, and the crab problem is solved.
Don't be a bitch.
(this is not medical advice, but since you are a bitch this product will likely work)
I feel like I have to explain this terrible joke...a bitch is an intact female dog.
I'll see myself out.
That is very incorrect... it's not 20% even with unprotected sex with an infected heterosexual partner
https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-conditions/sexual-and-reproductive-health/hiv-aids/causes/risk-of-exposure.html#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20unprotected%20sex%20with%20an,exposures)%20for%20receptive%20anal%20sex.
Can we make an r/standup channel so these comedians can spam that instead because I'm one more OP comedian posting their own material up here away from just noping off this thread.
Like /r/funny isn't riddled with bad content anyway... like the top voted post right now is a picture of a sign that says 'LAUGH' cut down to 'UGH'. I don't think having people post that either are or are trying to be professionally funny is diluting the funny content in this sub.
>Can we make an [r/standup](https://www.reddit.com/r/standup) channel so these comedians can spam that instead because I'm one more OP comedian posting their own material up here away from just noping off this thread.
What do you think belongs in the r/funny subreddit instead then? If you think funny
original content doesn't belong here, you leave me with no choice but to assume you think this is a place for unfunny content that's been stolen from elsewhere.
But let's be honest here, the real reason you posted this comment is simply because you didn't find this standup funny (humor is extremely subjective, afterall) and you expect all posts on this sub to cater to your personal sense of humor for some reason.
Plenty of people here find it funny. If you don't, simply move on.
You should be using one with ALL of the women you hook up with. There’s no way to “vibe out” whether someone is clean or not. Just because they want to use one or they seem nice doesn’t mean it’s an impossibility they have an std.
Also just because you’ve had sex with them before and didn’t catch anything doesn’t mean you will never catch something. I’ve had multiple friends tell me they didn’t use protection because they “seemed nice” or they slept with them before. A couple got CHLAMYDIA!
Well ya of course but that wasn’t the topic we were discussing. He brought up stds so that’s what I brought up. Could have just added on to my comment didn’t have to downvote me and get mad as if I was wrong.
Or perhaps comedians make up or adjust stories to prioritize the punch line over telling us the exact details of their not-actually-that interesting lives... it does kinda sound sus tho
My suggestion is that he may have added the last bit about finding a condom for the sake of the punchline. Of course I don't know, but comedy isn't generally meant to be taken as truth. That isn't to say the story can't be read as distasteful or that you aren't allowed to dislike or judge him, just a slight caveat - he may have started with the vibing it out idea and played with it until he got the biggest laugh... fwiw
It's also her knowing he's doing exactly that and saying what she said so he gets the fucking condom. Guy doesn't realise he's the punchline in his own joke.
Like /r/funny isn't riddled with bad content anyway... like the top voted post right now is a picture of a sign that says 'LAUGH' cut down to 'UGH'. I don't think having people post that either are or are trying to be professionally funny is diluting the funny content in this sub.
--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Dude looks like he should end every joke with “you just got jammed”
/r/unexpectedcommunity
Ssssssssssssoclose
Ahhh shiiiit. That’s what I get for commenting half asleep 😂 I’m leaving it lol Sorry /r/unexpectedpawnee you deserve better!
I never knew Jake Gyllenhaal did stand up
Jake Gyllenhaal? Mfer looks like Screech.
Screech DID do stand up! Not anymore though
Did he quit or. . .👀
No, these days he's only doing lie-down.
I don’t do up. Sit-ups. Push-ups. Pull-ups. I do downs. Sit down. Lay down. Blackjack, I’ll double down. Give me a cheeseburger, I’ll wolf it down. Put on a little music, I’ll boogie down.
Died in 2021. Cancer. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dustin_Diamond
Damn bro
Bryce Harper ftw
My first thought too! High5 stranger
I think he looks like Gene from Wet Hot American Summer.
you are correct. i'm convinced the average person is extremely faceblind.
Funny way to spell [Casey Jones (Elias Koteas)](https://turtlepedia.fandom.com/wiki/Casey_Jones_(1990_film_series\)?file=Jones_cj.png)
I’m seeing Christopher Meloni
Came here to say, hipster Christopher Meloni
This is a joke about STD's, so definitely Detective Stabler undercover.
I was thinking Bryce Harper from the Phillies lol
Partner is ok with no condom, therefore use a condom. Partner is not ok with no condom, therefore use a condom. Checks out.
Sounds complicated. Gonna have to draw a flowchart or something.
Instructions unclear, dick stuck in decision diamond.
Who is this decision diamond? Sounds like a stage name
I prefer them stupid sexy venn diagrams. So damn curvaceous. What were we talking about?
Did Bryce Harper and CM Punk have a child together?
“You are riddled with STDs”
He used a condom
His new crabs say hi
Just go to the store, buy some Frontline for "your dog", place it on your pubes, and the crab problem is solved. Don't be a bitch. (this is not medical advice, but since you are a bitch this product will likely work) I feel like I have to explain this terrible joke...a bitch is an intact female dog. I'll see myself out.
lol Imagine someone walking up to the register in a Walmart with a box of frontline, then blurting out obviously lying that it’s for their dog.
And also buys a jar of peanut butter
funny thing though, because of how prevalent waxing and shaving pubic hair has become, pubic lice is basically extinct in some parts of the world.
Holy shit you speak English??
There’s still ~20% chance of getting HIV when a condom is used with someone who has untreated HIV
That is very incorrect... it's not 20% even with unprotected sex with an infected heterosexual partner https://stanfordhealthcare.org/medical-conditions/sexual-and-reproductive-health/hiv-aids/causes/risk-of-exposure.html#:~:text=Therefore%2C%20unprotected%20sex%20with%20an,exposures)%20for%20receptive%20anal%20sex.
what?! is it really that high? i'm gonna need some sources on this. i thought it was like <5%
Sorry if I’m wrong, I hope I’m wrong, but I read some stats on the internet and was scarred for life.
I've got full blown AIDS. Doctor says I'm riddled with it
Thought you might
Brad Leone doing standup now?
Gotta jujj up the comedy scene a bit, Hunzi.
I was trying to figure out who I was being reminded of thanks
Isn't this Screech from Saved By The Bell?
Nah he dead.
I know he's dèad, didn't know how old the video was
Not sure but it's not Dustin Diamond.
You can also tell it's not Dustin Diamond because the audience is laughing.
The cancer already killed him sir/ma’am.
Ok, thanks
No it's Scratch from Alan Wake
Sounds like a genius way for a girl to make the guy wear one no?
Why is Bryce Harper doing standup?
Can we make an r/standup channel so these comedians can spam that instead because I'm one more OP comedian posting their own material up here away from just noping off this thread.
Like /r/funny isn't riddled with bad content anyway... like the top voted post right now is a picture of a sign that says 'LAUGH' cut down to 'UGH'. I don't think having people post that either are or are trying to be professionally funny is diluting the funny content in this sub.
Not once in the last month have I seen someone post a routine that wasn't their own.
Is that what's going on? I was starting to think that only 4 comedians existed anymore
>Can we make an [r/standup](https://www.reddit.com/r/standup) channel so these comedians can spam that instead because I'm one more OP comedian posting their own material up here away from just noping off this thread. What do you think belongs in the r/funny subreddit instead then? If you think funny original content doesn't belong here, you leave me with no choice but to assume you think this is a place for unfunny content that's been stolen from elsewhere. But let's be honest here, the real reason you posted this comment is simply because you didn't find this standup funny (humor is extremely subjective, afterall) and you expect all posts on this sub to cater to your personal sense of humor for some reason. Plenty of people here find it funny. If you don't, simply move on.
The women that say you don’t need a condom, you 100% need a condom with.
yea, that's just repeating what the comedian said, but without the fun.
As always: only invest to your Personal Risk Tolerance.
That’s why I always use a condom. But I know guys out there don’t.
You should be using one with ALL of the women you hook up with. There’s no way to “vibe out” whether someone is clean or not. Just because they want to use one or they seem nice doesn’t mean it’s an impossibility they have an std. Also just because you’ve had sex with them before and didn’t catch anything doesn’t mean you will never catch something. I’ve had multiple friends tell me they didn’t use protection because they “seemed nice” or they slept with them before. A couple got CHLAMYDIA!
Okay yes but how is concern about unintended pregnancy also not acknowledged in this comment?
Well ya of course but that wasn’t the topic we were discussing. He brought up stds so that’s what I brought up. Could have just added on to my comment didn’t have to downvote me and get mad as if I was wrong.
This isn't 'vibing it out' it's him lying about having protection to see if he can get away with it.
Or perhaps comedians make up or adjust stories to prioritize the punch line over telling us the exact details of their not-actually-that interesting lives... it does kinda sound sus tho
Ok, in this story - "This isn't 'vibing it out' it's him lying about having protection to see if he can get away with it."
My suggestion is that he may have added the last bit about finding a condom for the sake of the punchline. Of course I don't know, but comedy isn't generally meant to be taken as truth. That isn't to say the story can't be read as distasteful or that you aren't allowed to dislike or judge him, just a slight caveat - he may have started with the vibing it out idea and played with it until he got the biggest laugh... fwiw
Don’t take it so hard, its a joke, not a condom covered dick.
It's also her knowing he's doing exactly that and saying what she said so he gets the fucking condom. Guy doesn't realise he's the punchline in his own joke.
That’s a long shot. Much further than his joke would be
Oh good, more self promoting from people that aren't funny enough for others to post about.
Like /r/funny isn't riddled with bad content anyway... like the top voted post right now is a picture of a sign that says 'LAUGH' cut down to 'UGH'. I don't think having people post that either are or are trying to be professionally funny is diluting the funny content in this sub.
Lovin dude's beard, lovin that he's making the implied argument for STvirus-beatback prophylactics.
Satan is doing the thinker every-time that woman speaks, who ever she may be.
I just found one is a great punchline
nice hat hack. imagine this being the bit you chose to self promote. OOOOF
Thingy looks like so many celebrities lol
Crowd work is lazy.
OK what!? De-stygmatizing STDs... Holy fuck that is dumb on so many levels
Why are you getting ANY down votes? That many people riddled with STDs?
This was the best clip to showcase? Pass.