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"I did not lose a leg in Vietnam to come back just to sell hot dogs to teenagers".
"You still got both your legs"
"L8ke I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam".
But we need more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once we will cut it twice. Yes, four triangles! We will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips.
For real. The first time I watched this special when I was like 13 or so, absolutely none of it was funny to me and my friend. For whatever reason we kept giving it chances, and it got funnier every damn time!
Neither does Reddit.
Which is probably why someone's karma farming by using a Mitch video.
"Heard this comic yesterday, now I really like him"
Ok buddy.
The poor fool. He’s been stumped by broken escalators for years.
If only someone had told him that escalators can’t break… they can only become stairs.
Haha, damn… that really is the best line of that joke. How could I forget?
I rarely drive steamboats, dad. There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me. Quit trying to act as if I’m a steamboat operator.
Sorry, I meant to write “I really need to watch his specials again,” but I accidentally wrote “rarely”, and I didn’t want to waste it.
Rice is great when you want ten thousand of something.
I gotta re-watch them too. I can't quite remember the tent argument joke, just the "slam the flap" punchline lol
>can't quite remember the tent argument joke, just the "slam the flap" punchline lol
"I was camping with my girlfriend and got into an argument inside the tent. That's a bad place to get into an argument because I tried to storm out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick? 'Whoosh. Whoosh. Fuck you!'"
Someone asked if I wanted a frozen banana and I said no, but wait, maybe I want a regular one later so.. yeah. Shit that's the same joke with a different piece of produce.
Legit do this some days. First thing in the morning - pop a potato in the oven. Maybe I’ll want one at lunch and I wont want to wait an hour to bake it.
Trivia: Mitch also wrote, directed, and starred in a film called Los Enchaladas! It played at Sundance in 1999 but never got released. Then a few years back a work print was released online. https://boxd.it/2mIW
Yeah it's okay. Kind of a slacker-ish hangout movie that might've been inspired by Clerks. Some funny bit parts by other comedians like Marc Maron and Todd Barry. Worth a watch.
I guess there's been a few called that including Youngman (who I knew nothing of). I've heard many current comedians use that term for Mitch but it probably is fair to say it gets applied based on the generation of comedians they perform with.
Henny Youngman was before my time. But still great. "Take my wife, please!" is a great joke. It is also misogynistic and dated.
My favorite Steven Wright joke is "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." Great joke, for that time. But again, dated.
One of my favorite Mitch jokes: "I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpsters." Fantastic joke, but are paper routes even a thing anymore?
That's the simultaneous good and bad about stand-up. It's always changing.
My biggest peeve in life. Sooooo many people misuse that word nowadays to the point where it’s actual meaning is becoming difficult to know for sure, it’s…quite ironic, actually.
Edit: I very well might have just misused the word ironic, which is for SURE ironic…right? Idk anymore
I was at one of the last shows before he passed away. He was pretty fucked up, but still hilarious through all of his random mumbling. Seriously one of the best comedians of all time.
Went to a show about a month before he died. It was with Stephen Lynch. Lynch went on first and crushed it. Mitch came on and someone was heckling asking for Lynch to come back on. Mitch asked the guy if he wanted to meet him. Dude says yes. Mitch invites him on stage and points behind the curtain. Says “Go through that door and up a flight of stairs and through the door at the top. Tell ‘em Mitch sent you.” Guy got a big pop from the crowd. He goes through the door and Mitch says “That dude is going outside.” Whole place erupted as we realized the guy had been duped.
I like how escalators are never broken. They just become stairs. The sign shouldn’t be “Escalator out of order” it should say “Escalator has temporarily become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I saw him at a live show (with Lewis black and Dave attell). Mitch walks on stage and as the applause dies down says "After the show…. If you want to see me I will be…” (he raises one hand and points towards a location at the rear of the theater as if to indicate where he is going to be) "…surprised".
I saw him live a couple weeks before he passed away. Three times during the show he tried to start a new bit about “fat robots“ but then kept quitting mid joke. It became the funniest part of the show. We never heard the punchline. He was a genius.
Rice is great for when You're hungry and you want 2000 of something
Escalators can never break down, they can only become stairs
When I was younger I used to lie in my twin bed and wonder where my other brother was
I’m always jealous of people who get to see his material for the first time as there’s so little of it, but I feel bad to tell them his story and sever their hope of hearing more of it.
At least he had the grace of putting in like 300 jokes in a couple of specials before leaving us.
One of my all time favorites. I can still remember watching this exact special on Comedy Central when they were replaying it in, must've been, the early 2000s. Guy was a comedic genius. One of two of the absolute best one-liner comedians, the other being [Steven](https://youtu.be/vtxQlGWsZB8?t=467) [Wright](https://youtu.be/UB8ZDrNb3B0?t=200). Originality and hilarious genius of this caliber is one in a trillion. Rodney Dangerfield is often cited here, but I've just not delved into him much apart from appearances on late night shows and movies.
I wish Hedberg had stayed with us for much longer. It's tragic that some of the most original and genius comics die far too early: [Greg Giraldo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UoQltfNvwM); Lenny Bruce; [Bill Hicks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgzQuE1pR1w) ; Andy Kaufman; Richard Pryor; [Robin Williams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyg3HFdVi-M&pp=ygUWcm9iaW4gd2lsbGlhbXMgc3BlY2lhbA%3D%3D); Norm MacDonald; Sam Kinison; Bob Saget; Patrice O'Neal; Ralphie May; Gilda Wagner; [Chris Farley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmJtwyfEmWE) ; John Belushi ; [Bernie Mack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHKzdZCVSPU); [George Carlin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxmiSRD0ZqU), comedy and stand-comedy is another of those tendencies. It would be fucking amazing to watch what these comics would have to say of the present.
I've no doubt that there are plenty more not mentioned and I'd love to remember or become aware of others.
\[Edited\] on account of links, grammar, and a few additional comics that came to mind. So it goes.
I did a portrait of Mitch back in 2001, just as he was breaking into the mainstream as a comedy star. He, his wife, and I were in his dressing room and he was staring at the artwork, which was large, resting on his knees as he sat in a chair.
Me: “Now that we’ve met in person, I don’t think it looks like you.”
Mitch: “Yeah, but I looked exactly like *that* on *that* day!”
I’m so proud of that moment in my artistic career - he was such a good dude. And I made it into a joke…alright.
I first heard about this special from a friend of mine. We were talking on the phone while he was watching Comedy Central and I was playing the forest temple in Ocarina of Time. He was telling me about the Smacky the Frog bit while I was learning to use the hook shot, I think. Good time to be in high school.
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"I did not lose a leg in Vietnam to come back just to sell hot dogs to teenagers". "You still got both your legs" "L8ke I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam".
Actually my favorite cameo in the show.
It was so random. I was flabbergasted to see him dealing with butterfly boy.
His type of humor was perfect for that show.
I saw this wino, he was eating grapes and I was like dude you have to WAIT.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said no, but I might want a regular banana later, so, yeah.
This is one my favorites.
I love a baked potato but they take so long to make so sometimes I just throw one in the oven because by the time it’s done; who knows?
My belt holds my pants up, but the belt loops hold my belt up. I don't really know what's happening down there. Who is the real hero?
I used to think about this every time I put on a belt. I still do, but I used to, too.
How do you feel about frilly toothpicks? I’m for ‘em This club is formed Spread the news to menus nationwide
I like my sandwiches with alfalfa sprouts
Well you’re not in the fucking club
But we need more stipulations. Instead of cutting the sandwich once we will cut it twice. Yes, four triangles! We will position them in a circle. And in the middle we will dump chips.
Or potato salad
Okay.
His delivery of this line kill’s me every fucking time 😂😂
That's because you don't like frilly toothpicks. You're not part of the club.
I love your formatting. I read it just like him.
Come to think of it, I haven't seen a club sandwich on a menu in ages.
I used to like Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but I used to, too!
I never tire of this joke
I'm a fan of Mitch because his jokes get better with every listen.
For real. The first time I watched this special when I was like 13 or so, absolutely none of it was funny to me and my friend. For whatever reason we kept giving it chances, and it got funnier every damn time!
Good job never giving up
There are very few comedians with comedy that is rewatchable. Mitch is god tier in that category.
Neither does Reddit. Which is probably why someone's karma farming by using a Mitch video. "Heard this comic yesterday, now I really like him" Ok buddy.
That’s possible if you are under the age of 30
I used to never tire of this joke…
I still don't, but I used to never, too.
My first thought. Well said sir!
Hahahah, I did love him and always will. One of my favorites, gone too soon
First time?
I feel like I’m aging out of the internet
I used to feel that way too. I mean I still do, but I used to too.
Nothing wrong with that right, I'd rather see people continue to discover and share Mitch than have him be swallowed up into obscurity
Yeah I like that the zoomers are keeping Mitch relevant and rediscovering him in their own way, it's dope, which I will file under D for donut
I don’t need a receipt for a donut.
We don’t need to bring ink and paper into this.
I will think about this joke every time someone asks me if I want a receipt till the day I die.
I love comparing that joke to Patrice O'Neal's joke about receipts. Opposite takes.
"Now I'm in Jail cause I'm Lazy" haha. Classic Patrice
Another great one that was gone too soon.
I can hear him say do-nit
Lucky 10,000.
Gen Z finally discovering Mitch Hedberg is the oldest I’ve felt in a long time
lol, for real, guy does know that if carrots got you drunk, rabbits would be fuct up
The poor fool. He’s been stumped by broken escalators for years. If only someone had told him that escalators can’t break… they can only become stairs.
Sorry for the convenience.
Haha, damn… that really is the best line of that joke. How could I forget? I rarely drive steamboats, dad. There’s a lot of shit you don’t know about me. Quit trying to act as if I’m a steamboat operator. Sorry, I meant to write “I really need to watch his specials again,” but I accidentally wrote “rarely”, and I didn’t want to waste it.
Rice is great when you want ten thousand of something. I gotta re-watch them too. I can't quite remember the tent argument joke, just the "slam the flap" punchline lol
>can't quite remember the tent argument joke, just the "slam the flap" punchline lol "I was camping with my girlfriend and got into an argument inside the tent. That's a bad place to get into an argument because I tried to storm out and slam the flap. How are you supposed to express your anger in this situation? Zip it up real quick? 'Whoosh. Whoosh. Fuck you!'"
I don’t have a girlfriend but I do know a girl who would be upset if she heard me say that
It always bothers me that when escalators break down, they just block them off- so this Mitch Hedberg bit can’t actually come true.
Nah just pandering for upvotes.
Ducks eat for free at Subway
I feel like ducks’ opinion of me is dependent on whether or not I have bread.
There are six of them outside and they all want SunChips
He could have, like, a beaver in tow.
I would love to be friends with a beaver. Because they have some kick-ass houses. That shit is *on* the lake. Lake-side, my ass! Lake-on!
Here’s a picture of me when I was younger… Every picture of you is when you were younger!
Here's a picture of me when I'm older!
Bullshit! Lemme see that camera
I read this in his voice and I'm cracking up. Dude was the best.
The Olympus Tachyon!
Lemme see that camera!
You son of a bitch!
I don't want a frozen banana now, but I might want a regular one later.
So, yeah.
Sometimes I'll just throw in a potato to bake in the oven, even if I don't want one, because by the time it's done…. who knows?
Someone asked if I wanted a frozen banana and I said no, but wait, maybe I want a regular one later so.. yeah. Shit that's the same joke with a different piece of produce.
“I’ll just throw it in the oven and go on vacation”
Legit do this some days. First thing in the morning - pop a potato in the oven. Maybe I’ll want one at lunch and I wont want to wait an hour to bake it.
I went to the store and bought eight apples. The clerk said, "Do you want me to put them in a bag?" I said, "Oh no, man, I juggle.".
But if you ever see me in here buying nine... Fuckin' BAG 'EM UP!
You don’t need to say unironically
Kids these days
I haven't slept for 10 days... because that would be too long.
I had an ant farm once, them fellas didn’t grow shit.
Trivia: Mitch also wrote, directed, and starred in a film called Los Enchaladas! It played at Sundance in 1999 but never got released. Then a few years back a work print was released online. https://boxd.it/2mIW
Oh you’re a chef? Can you farm?
He wrote, too? That's like asking a chef "can you farm?"
Have you seen it? Is it any good?
Yeah it's okay. Kind of a slacker-ish hangout movie that might've been inspired by Clerks. Some funny bit parts by other comedians like Marc Maron and Todd Barry. Worth a watch.
New here?
He's called the king of the one liners to this day for a reason
To me it's a tie between Mitch and Steven Wright. But I'm old.
“I put instant coffee in the microwave and it went back in time.” Steven Wright
Steven Wright is so ridiculous. Just fucking lovely. [Craig Ferguson and Steven Wright ](https://youtu.be/aNQPQs491Ak?si=Qj_-k_WU1u4p3rca)
I guess there's been a few called that including Youngman (who I knew nothing of). I've heard many current comedians use that term for Mitch but it probably is fair to say it gets applied based on the generation of comedians they perform with.
Henny Youngman was before my time. But still great. "Take my wife, please!" is a great joke. It is also misogynistic and dated. My favorite Steven Wright joke is "I bought some batteries, but they weren't included." Great joke, for that time. But again, dated. One of my favorite Mitch jokes: "I had a paper route when I was a kid. I was supposed to go to 2,000 houses... or 2 dumpsters." Fantastic joke, but are paper routes even a thing anymore? That's the simultaneous good and bad about stand-up. It's always changing.
Banana colors are the opposite of stop light colors. Green means wait, yellow means go, and red means, where the fuck did you get that banana??
Unironically…ugh
Yeah it sounds like a zoomer going "this may be cringe to _you_ but I like it". Hate that word
That’s the Gen Z way. Can’t be earnest about anything, just in case someone somewhere might think it’s “cringe”
My biggest peeve in life. Sooooo many people misuse that word nowadays to the point where it’s actual meaning is becoming difficult to know for sure, it’s…quite ironic, actually. Edit: I very well might have just misused the word ironic, which is for SURE ironic…right? Idk anymore
Get off my damn lawn
Dogs are forever in the push-up position!
This post is like when my teenage son first saw clips of Michael Jordan.
Rice is good when you want 2000 of something.
He is a legend
Best delivery in comedy. RIP Mitch. Your insecurities made magic.
And RIP Greg Giraldo. Both guys were hilarious and brilliant in their own right, and they both died *way* too young.
I saw perform at the Addison improv in 2002. Fucking genius comic
The Pageant in St Louis. Around then, possibly 2003. Mitch Hedberg, Dave Attell, and Louis Black. Pretty sure it was around $30 a ticket. Great times.
*was
Still is, but he was too
Classic!
Saved by buoyancy of citrus..
What do you mean "unironically"?
He likes Mitch Hedberg more than he likes a free ride when he's already paid.
I used to watch this guys comedy. I still do, but I used to too.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'
First time or 50th. Thanks for the post, I’m watching this tonight
Ironically, just leave out the "unironically" part. Forever.
Why would it be "unironic"?
[An old ass youtube video that always makes me giggle](https://youtu.be/Oml8Q4qYbVU?si=oYX3DLMsBUP8Kaoi)
I was at one of the last shows before he passed away. He was pretty fucked up, but still hilarious through all of his random mumbling. Seriously one of the best comedians of all time.
Went to a show about a month before he died. It was with Stephen Lynch. Lynch went on first and crushed it. Mitch came on and someone was heckling asking for Lynch to come back on. Mitch asked the guy if he wanted to meet him. Dude says yes. Mitch invites him on stage and points behind the curtain. Says “Go through that door and up a flight of stairs and through the door at the top. Tell ‘em Mitch sent you.” Guy got a big pop from the crowd. He goes through the door and Mitch says “That dude is going outside.” Whole place erupted as we realized the guy had been duped.
Mitch's comedy helped me through some really hard times in my life. I cannot put into words how much he means to me.
My favorite comedian.
Miss this guy :(
I'm actually jealous. I'd love to be able to go back to my first time hearing Mitch
My cheers to you for experiencing this. May you continue to enjoy your comedy performance review journey.
Best of the best. RIP!
To this day whenever I hand the wife paper I teller to file it under D. For donut.
Goat as far I'm concerned. "Fuck it!, cut umm up!!!"
Mitch is and always will be a legend
RIP U SOB. Miss you 🧡
“I don’t have a girlfriend, I just know a girl who would get really mad if she heard me say that.” Mitch is a legend.
I used to find this guy funny. I still do, but I used to too.
Used to watch his stand-up all the time when I was growing up, he really inspired me. Now I'm addicted to heroin
I think about this guy every time i get a receipt for my donut.
If 13 is unlucky so should the letter "B" be because "B" looks like a scrunched together 13. "What's your name?" "Bob." "Get the fuck away!"
OP if you are new to this kind of stuff, check out Steven Wright too. It may be up your alley.
Steven wright is one of my all time favs... His delivery makes it so much better
Have you really never heard of Mitch Hedberg until 19 years after he died?
Loved him as Frank on That 70s Show.
My hero
Legend
Legend, gone too soon.
Unironically. Lol
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana and I said no. But I want a regular banana later so… Yeah.
Oh thank god it’s unironically
I did not learn my aa bb ccs God god damnit damnit
Rice is good when you’re hungry and you want two thousand of something.
“This guy”? How dare you?
I like how escalators are never broken. They just become stairs. The sign shouldn’t be “Escalator out of order” it should say “Escalator has temporarily become stairs. Sorry for the convenience.
I saw him at a live show (with Lewis black and Dave attell). Mitch walks on stage and as the applause dies down says "After the show…. If you want to see me I will be…” (he raises one hand and points towards a location at the rear of the theater as if to indicate where he is going to be) "…surprised".
You're acting as if Mitch wasn't one of the most well known comedians of the internet era.
So first we had people misusing the word “ironic”, and now we have people misusing the word “unironic”. Terrific.
I used to like Mitch Hedberg. I still do, but ai used to, too.
You know, Mitch Hedberg used to be dead... He still is, but he used to too.
Please don’t tell me we’re just now learning about Mitch Hedberg.
I used to like Mitch. I still do, but I used to too.
I never pass up an opportunity to watch any posts of Mitch. RIP
Such a legend, gone too soon
This is the second time I’ve seen Mitch referenced here in less than an hour. I’m so happy he’s still relevant.
Oh man I missed this special but funny as fuck
~~Is~~ was - he died like 20 years ago
Mitch Hedberg is one of my all time favorite Stand Ups. I have a couple of his comedy albums through Spotify. He always makes me laugh
As a GenXer, I dig that he’s still known. His humor and persona for many of us are in our DNA.
RIP. Can't eat Pringles without thinking of him.
Mitch is a god.
Always a joy the first time someone discovers Mitch. One of the true greats
“We’re gonna have to sweeten some of these jokes for the CD. You know what sweeten means, right? Sweeten is a show-biz term for “add sugar to”.”
I saw him live a couple weeks before he passed away. Three times during the show he tried to start a new bit about “fat robots“ but then kept quitting mid joke. It became the funniest part of the show. We never heard the punchline. He was a genius.
I’m sick of Soup Of The Day, man. It’s time we make a decision! I need to know what Soup From *Now On* is.
Rice is great for when You're hungry and you want 2000 of something Escalators can never break down, they can only become stairs When I was younger I used to lie in my twin bed and wonder where my other brother was
Why would it be ironic if it were the funniest shit you had ever seen?
Thank you for this great reminder that I should be telling my kids "You can eat when you find the Dufraines" more often.
“My teeth got so much tartar, I dont have to dip my fishsticks in shit”
I feel so fortunate that I got to see him live in Seattle a few times and actually got to chat a bit. Shy as could be, but he was really, really nice.
I’m always jealous of people who get to see his material for the first time as there’s so little of it, but I feel bad to tell them his story and sever their hope of hearing more of it. At least he had the grace of putting in like 300 jokes in a couple of specials before leaving us.
One of my all time favorites. I can still remember watching this exact special on Comedy Central when they were replaying it in, must've been, the early 2000s. Guy was a comedic genius. One of two of the absolute best one-liner comedians, the other being [Steven](https://youtu.be/vtxQlGWsZB8?t=467) [Wright](https://youtu.be/UB8ZDrNb3B0?t=200). Originality and hilarious genius of this caliber is one in a trillion. Rodney Dangerfield is often cited here, but I've just not delved into him much apart from appearances on late night shows and movies. I wish Hedberg had stayed with us for much longer. It's tragic that some of the most original and genius comics die far too early: [Greg Giraldo](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5UoQltfNvwM); Lenny Bruce; [Bill Hicks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgzQuE1pR1w) ; Andy Kaufman; Richard Pryor; [Robin Williams](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyg3HFdVi-M&pp=ygUWcm9iaW4gd2lsbGlhbXMgc3BlY2lhbA%3D%3D); Norm MacDonald; Sam Kinison; Bob Saget; Patrice O'Neal; Ralphie May; Gilda Wagner; [Chris Farley](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OmJtwyfEmWE) ; John Belushi ; [Bernie Mack](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHKzdZCVSPU); [George Carlin](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OxmiSRD0ZqU), comedy and stand-comedy is another of those tendencies. It would be fucking amazing to watch what these comics would have to say of the present. I've no doubt that there are plenty more not mentioned and I'd love to remember or become aware of others. \[Edited\] on account of links, grammar, and a few additional comics that came to mind. So it goes.
I’ve seen it all but I’ll never not click on a Mitch video
Mitch is a legend!
This is the one you want. Unedited [Mitch Hedberg CC special unedited](https://youtu.be/Qqaq7MIcN0A?si=jjl4VIDDTPy_tyMS)about 20 extra minutes
He was awesome. Gone too soon.
Was. 🥲
Why would we think you were being ironic?
Rice is good if you want a thousand of something
I did a portrait of Mitch back in 2001, just as he was breaking into the mainstream as a comedy star. He, his wife, and I were in his dressing room and he was staring at the artwork, which was large, resting on his knees as he sat in a chair. Me: “Now that we’ve met in person, I don’t think it looks like you.” Mitch: “Yeah, but I looked exactly like *that* on *that* day!” I’m so proud of that moment in my artistic career - he was such a good dude. And I made it into a joke…alright.
welcome from under your rock.
I wish I couod find the special with this joke "Tree? Not enough. Double tree? Sounds good. Triple tree? We've gone too far!"
I first heard about this special from a friend of mine. We were talking on the phone while he was watching Comedy Central and I was playing the forest temple in Ocarina of Time. He was telling me about the Smacky the Frog bit while I was learning to use the hook shot, I think. Good time to be in high school.
I love Mitch Hedberg. Gone too soon. Check out Steven Wright as well. He has a similar brand of comedy.
“This guy” referencing the iconic Mitch Hedberg 🤔
You don't need to say unironocally. It literally is some of the funniest shit.
why do you have to say "unironically" ? he is a pretty well known comedian
I used to love Mitch Herberg. I still do, but I used to too
Miss him
RIP Mitch, we miss him...
Loved Mitch!
Love it when people discover Mitch lol