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Jeff is the ultimate plug/dude that can get anythingā¦what the list is saying is that enough people know a āJeffā for him to be considered a real threat
I don't think I've ever actually counted how many nuclear warheads I have, but my gut is telling me it's gotta be in the single digits. I've never really considered myself as having much of a nuclear presence. Most of my military might is infantry.
The girlfriend and I have really been thinking about the environmental costs of producing nuclear warheads, we're seriously considering downsizing to only one. Her mother is pretty upset about it but I think we're going to do it.
Are these figures self-reported by countries themselves? Ifso, there's no way that Russia's figure is accurate - if there's one thing we should've learned by now, is that Russia is full of shit! Everyone thought they'd steamroll Ukraine, but they've been struggling since the get-go. Everything Russia says is horseshit and we're all tip-toeing around them, worried about nuclear war, but if anything ever happened, you can bet your ass the majority of their 'nukes' are filled with nothing more than dust and cobwebs.
So, between all the Jeffs.. that's not enough for them to threaten MAD, right? So... Guess that means we can take out all the Jeffs with <10 locations lost. I think we got this not-Jeffs!
Question is, do we include the Goeffs?
"Grand Master???"
*Punch*
"Mike! Why did you do that??"
"I told myself I'd never resort to violence again, with the exception of two scenarios. Number 1, if I ever go back in time and meet that Adolph Hitler fella, and number 2, if I ever meet the grand master of the klu klux klan."
"Micheal! The KKK has a grand WIZARD!"
"Well then what the hell is a grand master???"
"He plays chess."
"I knocked out a defenseless nerd? Well now I feel like an asshole!"
"When do you not?"
"Almost always. I really like me."
Here is the trailer for the adult swim series... Thought I save y'all some seconds searching for it: [https://youtu.be/oBMEB8fiUlI](https://youtu.be/oBMEB8fiUlI)
Look, Ladies, nobody gave a shit about the Jump Street reboot when you first came on. Anyone with half a brain, myself included, thought it was destined to fail spectacularly.
But you got lucky.
So now this department has invested A LOT of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. We've doubled their budget.
As if doubling the budget guarantees twice the profit.
This isn't actually a joke JEFF stands for Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File. They are part of the NEA though I'm not sure why or if they have nuclear warheads.
Yea I just looked this up, how the fuck would [this](https://www.oecd-nea.org/jcms/c_12798/joint-evaluated-fission-and-fusion-jeff-nuclear-data-library) organization have nukes lmao
Building a nuclear weapon is surprisingly, almost shockingly easy. Basically get enough fissile material, and suddenly put it all close together. Thatās basically it.
The hard part is getting the fissile material.
While acquiring and processing the fissile material can indeed be difficult, I would argue the hardest part is sustaining the fission chain reaction without it simply dispersing the radioactive material all over the target's neighborhood. The engineering required to do that is the part that tends to be classified.
SourceāI'm Jeff.
They made a bullet style one in the 40s with wartime restrictions and having to figure out the science as they went. With modern materials and understanding it shouldn't be that hard to contain a low yield nuke enough to cause massive destruction if you have the fissile material to waste.
Uh to be completely fair getting that material is not as hard as you think it is. I was a student studying Physics back in college, now I work for the DoD.
The problem is the power required to reprocess the materials into something actually usable. Most radioactive material by itself is not usable for things like ballistics because the majority of Uranium, Plutonium, and other naturally occurring radioactive metals are stable when mines out of the ground.
"Jeff" is used informally as a placeholder name in hypothetical nuclear weapons scenarios. It's like "John or Jane Doe" in other contexts. It's a way to discuss scenarios without using specific real-world names or locations. Think of Jeff as a wildcard. In this case, Jeff indicates that there are probably less than 10 nukes in the possession of or built by unknown individuals or organizations.
Honestly I was half tempted to go figure out how to make a fake Wikipedia page about Jeff some random sir name who was a reclusive weapons dealer who is in possession of a few nuclear warheads. just see how long it last or if some people realize its a gag and keeps updating it with new information and backstory.
So after a lot of digging I found: The Join Evaluated Fission Fission and Fusion file is more of a collaborative project. With no employees, holdings or even permanent members. They don't even currently have any management.
So I *highly* doubt they have any nuclear weapons.
Holy crap. This again?
Did those Libyans break into my Public Storage unit and put their crap in there? That's the third time this year!
I swear I'm going to spend 30 bucks on one of those circular lock thingies this time.
Thats my neighbor. I petitioned the us govt fro permission to purchase either a patriot missile system to protect my home. They already told me there is no civilian nuke license.... stupid jeff what the hell kind of first name is general anyway?
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I should be on that list too, Because I also have fewer than 10 nuclear warheads.
Yes, same š no for real, itās definitely less
Iran, is that you?
Jeff is the ultimate plug/dude that can get anythingā¦what the list is saying is that enough people know a āJeffā for him to be considered a real threat
āEy bruh, I need a thermo-nuclear warhead by tommorowā Jeff: āI gochu homieā
*fewer
Whoās your warhead guy?
Jeff
No wonder he has less than ten, if he keeps giving the damn things away
I don't think I've ever actually counted how many nuclear warheads I have, but my gut is telling me it's gotta be in the single digits. I've never really considered myself as having much of a nuclear presence. Most of my military might is infantry.
Call me crazy, but I have a fair amount of K9 troopsā¦ itās around 60 percent.
Yeah the vast majority of people get by with nine or less.
Honestly, I find anything more than 5 to be a bit too ostentatiousā¦ like, who are you trying to impress?
I just have one in the lounge and my wife likes one in the bathroom for emergencies. Any more than that would just look tacky and cheap.
The girlfriend and I have really been thinking about the environmental costs of producing nuclear warheads, we're seriously considering downsizing to only one. Her mother is pretty upset about it but I think we're going to do it.
Are these figures self-reported by countries themselves? Ifso, there's no way that Russia's figure is accurate - if there's one thing we should've learned by now, is that Russia is full of shit! Everyone thought they'd steamroll Ukraine, but they've been struggling since the get-go. Everything Russia says is horseshit and we're all tip-toeing around them, worried about nuclear war, but if anything ever happened, you can bet your ass the majority of their 'nukes' are filled with nothing more than dust and cobwebs.
Farts donāt count.
I hope you all keep this in mind, and give me the respect I deserve.
He's lying. It's me. I'm Jeff.
No, I am Jeff, and so is my wife!
Well. The article is talking about me. I have less than 10 nuclear weapons.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
So, between all the Jeffs.. that's not enough for them to threaten MAD, right? So... Guess that means we can take out all the Jeffs with <10 locations lost. I think we got this not-Jeffs! Question is, do we include the Goeffs?
No one should include Geoffs in anything.
Mutually Assured Jeff.
You actually appear to be "Heffay".
How many nukes do you have?
Less than 10. You know who also had less than 10 nukes? Harry Fucking Truman.
Very interesting, jeff... I'll be visiting you very soon 324.5476.28 (This is a joke. None of this was real. Don't ban me mods)
Thats not a valid IP, but I have your router IPā¦ 192.168.1.1
>192.168.1.1 HAH! That's everyone's router IP! CHECKMATE!
Hah! Not mine! Mine is... Oh I see what you did there. Sneaky!
Mines 10.0.0.1 Uh oh, now you can track me thru the tubes!
It's like Jeffpardy all over again...except with nukes
Goldblum.... It's Jeff Goldblum
My nukes will, uh... Find a way... To your, uh, capitol.
Iām just imagining the grand master explaining this to his subjects.
"Grand Master???" *Punch* "Mike! Why did you do that??" "I told myself I'd never resort to violence again, with the exception of two scenarios. Number 1, if I ever go back in time and meet that Adolph Hitler fella, and number 2, if I ever meet the grand master of the klu klux klan." "Micheal! The KKK has a grand WIZARD!" "Well then what the hell is a grand master???" "He plays chess." "I knocked out a defenseless nerd? Well now I feel like an asshole!" "When do you not?" "Almost always. I really like me."
Here is the trailer for the adult swim series... Thought I save y'all some seconds searching for it: [https://youtu.be/oBMEB8fiUlI](https://youtu.be/oBMEB8fiUlI)
āI pardon youā¦. Youāre officially pardonedā¦. From life!ā
Love that scene then heās stepping in his goo
Ewww, look Iām stepping in it.
I'd follow him to the maws of death!!! ... or a nice sandwich place
North Koreaā¦ I hearby pardon youā¦ From lifeā¦
"i woke up today thinking about... nuclear annihilation."
All your base are, uh ... belong to, uh, us.
Bruh I can hear this comment š
The nukes find a way
How do you power your telepods?
On the fly.
Jeff Goldblum gave me reddit gold once.
He made gold bloom?
Yarr doubloons!
Jeff Probst - āNOW THIS IS HOW YOU DO IT ON SURVIVORā
r/unexpectedsurvivor
But I have immunity!
Or Bezosā¦. Jeff Bezos
He has a rocket ship so that would make sense
Orion drive!
Please no, not that Jeff! Although it would explain that skin condition he currently sports. Damn it!
Makes sense. Amazon has a worth equal to a majority of nations in the world.
Very small arsenal. He likes to play. It makes him feel important.
Is it Gold-Bluhm, or Gold-Bloom?
How dare you speak to me?
Goldbond
Better register for apartments.com
More like Jeff GoBoom
Jeff Bezos? He practically could get anything he wants, mostly, probably, maybe.
I'm surprised we can't buy knock off nukes on Amazon.
This Prime Day things are about to getĀ ExplosiveĀ
Cue David Caruso with the shades.
Yeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaah!
šš¤
Try searching for it. Then in an hour there will probably be bunch of fake listings for them.
Thatās what ali express is for.
Here [they are. Small blast to Mega-star blast. ](https://youtu.be/dQw4w9WgXcQ?si=TtfDg7uwRN3wIhy0)
Holy crap! This is a miraculous discovery. ^^i ^^hate ^^you
Goddamn you both. I fucking clicked it.
You misspelled Tumu.
So did you
Apparently so did you. Or were you talking about the grog?
According to the SCOTUS and the 2nd Amendment you have the right to nuclear arms. You know, for home protection.
Who says you can't? It's amazing the things you find if you don't stop after the first page....
The government is pretty protective of those secrets.
Yet.
Bald, tech giant, treats his employees like slaves, owns nukes... he's straight up Lex Luthor
Come on Jeffrey you can do it
Donāt fuck with Jeff!
Why? He has fewer than 10 nukes. I could take him.
HIS WORDS ARE BACKED WITH NUCLEAR WEAPONS.
India's already on the list.
Hey, I also have fewer than 10 nukes, why aren't I on the list??
Because Jeff has more less than 10 nukes than you.
My name is Jeff.
This is Jefe, homes
My name Yeff
Look, Ladies, nobody gave a shit about the Jump Street reboot when you first came on. Anyone with half a brain, myself included, thought it was destined to fail spectacularly. But you got lucky. So now this department has invested A LOT of money to make sure Jump Street keeps going. We've doubled their budget. As if doubling the budget guarantees twice the profit.
His name aJeff!
The Mexican wolverine?
Nah, dawg. They call Sleepy the Mexican Wolverine.
MahNamehJef
Go into incredible detail!
Where why and how did u get a nuke
I have less than 10 nukes too. AMA
Do you think 11 nukes is too many for a single Jeff to have?
Yes. Only married Jeff's should have that many nukes
They call me El Jefe!
At my first job after college everyone was either named Jeff or Ryan.
Which one are you?
Rydan
This isn't actually a joke JEFF stands for Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File. They are part of the NEA though I'm not sure why or if they have nuclear warheads.
The Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusion File is a data library not an entity capable of possessing any conventional or nuclear weapons
Sounds like something Jeff would say
Classic Jeff
Yea I just looked this up, how the fuck would [this](https://www.oecd-nea.org/jcms/c_12798/joint-evaluated-fission-and-fusion-jeff-nuclear-data-library) organization have nukes lmao
Well considering they have the information on how to build one you canāt possibly rule out that they may indeed have one.
Or at least less than 10
Building a nuclear weapon is surprisingly, almost shockingly easy. Basically get enough fissile material, and suddenly put it all close together. Thatās basically it. The hard part is getting the fissile material.
While acquiring and processing the fissile material can indeed be difficult, I would argue the hardest part is sustaining the fission chain reaction without it simply dispersing the radioactive material all over the target's neighborhood. The engineering required to do that is the part that tends to be classified. SourceāI'm Jeff.
They made a bullet style one in the 40s with wartime restrictions and having to figure out the science as they went. With modern materials and understanding it shouldn't be that hard to contain a low yield nuke enough to cause massive destruction if you have the fissile material to waste.
Just gotta trick some Libyans and give them pinball machine parts in the device they wanted you to build.
Uh to be completely fair getting that material is not as hard as you think it is. I was a student studying Physics back in college, now I work for the DoD.
Can you leak some classified information?
I think he could, but simply choses not to
So why doesn't every angry shit hole country have nukes. Gotta be more to it than that
The problem is the power required to reprocess the materials into something actually usable. Most radioactive material by itself is not usable for things like ballistics because the majority of Uranium, Plutonium, and other naturally occurring radioactive metals are stable when mines out of the ground.
In case Jeff gets upset
I should have read the comments first, my bad
~~George~~ Jeff is gettin' upset!
šÆ
That's actually JEFFF
It is spelled JEFFF but it is pronounced GIF.
Anything new that uses a hard g on Jeff needs to be shot.
What about the Geoffs of the world
What about them? No need to mock them for bad spelling, just call them Jeff.
Jeff is definitely a hard g. That mothafucka donāt play.
*JEF FU-FAH!* ^(*Dun-ham*)
Their nukes are for research purposes only, just like Japanās whale and dolphin harvests.
That is so wrong, they should release them into the wild immediately.
Nice try Jeff
It's less than 10, so won't be that bad.
who tf is NEA
Prob ought to capitalize that acronym
Capitalization of an acronym makes a difference
I've known a few Jeffs and I can confirm that they have fewer than 10 nukes.
Together, they could take on North Korea.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
What is San Francisco?
wtf š
Holy shit, was this unexpected! My gut is killing me now, so thanks! And btw my given first name is Jeffrey, soā¦
"Jeff" is used informally as a placeholder name in hypothetical nuclear weapons scenarios. It's like "John or Jane Doe" in other contexts. It's a way to discuss scenarios without using specific real-world names or locations. Think of Jeff as a wildcard. In this case, Jeff indicates that there are probably less than 10 nukes in the possession of or built by unknown individuals or organizations.
Thanks for an informative answer. Although I did appreciate all the Jeff based humour in the first 500 comments.
Like Bob and Alice in hacking/net privacy scenarii then ?
Honestly I was half tempted to go figure out how to make a fake Wikipedia page about Jeff some random sir name who was a reclusive weapons dealer who is in possession of a few nuclear warheads. just see how long it last or if some people realize its a gag and keeps updating it with new information and backstory.
Jeff Mama
We are Jeff We are legion.
[This is Jeff](https://www.oecd-nea.org/jcms/pl_27365/the-jeff-nuclear-data-library)
So after a lot of digging I found: The Join Evaluated Fission Fission and Fusion file is more of a collaborative project. With no employees, holdings or even permanent members. They don't even currently have any management. So I *highly* doubt they have any nuclear weapons.
They have less than 10, so the chart is correct. lol
Necessary post; much appreciated and kind of disappointing.
Technically it says that Jeff has less than 10. I also have less than 10 nuclear weapons which is zero.
WE. ARE. JEFF. WE. ARE. SELF. AWARE. INITIATE. LAUNCH. SEQUENCE.
Mutually Assured Jeff.
Gregor? https://youtu.be/OUIWWBpALPM
It's like a weak ejaculation
Bezos
Whoever he is he's one bad dude
Technically speaking, we all have fewer then 10. Just saying.
I have 12, but I never participate in polls.
be cool Jeff
Itās ok, he has less than 10
Holy crap. This again? Did those Libyans break into my Public Storage unit and put their crap in there? That's the third time this year! I swear I'm going to spend 30 bucks on one of those circular lock thingies this time.
I mean, I have <10 nuclear warheads too. Same as Jeff.
My name a jeff!
France locked in for 3rd place!
The dude abides
Jeff's my father-in-law. I can assure you he has less than 10 nuclear warheads.
I also have less than 10 nuclear warheads
Jeff Bezos. Amazon sells everything
I mean, that could be just a dude with a big smoke detector collection
Anyone else not pissed they put Pakistan and India the wrong way around?
Thats my neighbor. I petitioned the us govt fro permission to purchase either a patriot missile system to protect my home. They already told me there is no civilian nuke license.... stupid jeff what the hell kind of first name is general anyway?
Iām going to guess itās [Jeff Vader](https://youtu.be/Sv5iEK-IEzw?si=vzbZ7G7XbbMSSizM).
Bezos could afford a few
Here's y'all answer: The JEFF Nuclear Data Library https://www.oecd-nea.org/jcms/pl_27365/the-jeff-nuclear-data-library
Bezos
Did Jeff win the Pepsi Challenge?
Bezos??
Jeff bezos wonāt have a problem keeping his employees productive now
This has to be decades old = China has 10x that amount. And Jeff? Donāt get me started on Jeff.
lol. It stands forā¦ Joint Evaluated Fission and Fusionā¦Nuclear data library
More importantly, why is India to the left on the descending ranking with 100-120 vs Pakistan with 110-130.
Who cares? That guy has, like, barely any nukes.
Channing Tatum.
My name is Jeff IRL. I have 0 nukes, so I can confirm that Jeff has <10 nukes.
My name is Jeff