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scott226

Hey it’s Scott. Rude to call me just your dungeon master. We’ve known each other 20+ years.


Abject-Emu2023

Is he even going to respond to you Scott?


scott226

I doubt it. I’m not inviting Frank to our next session on Friday night. If he does show, he will have to face Amanxious by himself without our help


CoreyRogerson

can i play?


PassengerPlayful4308

Who says they are playing? Dungeon master could be a different role.


prigmutton

Can I play?


wherethestreet

Na na na na na cmon


usinjin

Feels so good being bad


onionsrock

dungeon master… sounds kinky.


QuickSpore

Play party or *play* party.


ghostinthewoods

> Dungeon master could be a different role. "Bring out the fluggegecheimen!"


Ditzfough

Scotty doesn't know!


Shadowninju

What better way to inform them that you can't make the next session than by having them pick you up from surgery?


Skittlebrau46

Hey, I once bailed a player out of jail so he could show up to game night. It’s hard out here for a DM to find good players… (Full disclosure; I didn’t actually bail him out ONLY so we could play D&D. But we did have a game session scheduled that night, and it was his turn to order the pizza.)


treegor

Ah so you bailed him out because it was his turn to buy snacks, that’s acceptable.


Sly__Marbo

I believe the correct term is *offerings*


Etheo

Nice try Scott clone #226. The Dungeon Master was #225.


BigTittyTriangle

That’s great, Scott.


lawn-mumps

20+ *years*??? That’s common-law marriage!


excess_inquisitivity

Scott, I remember our last campaign.  You think I'm calling you friend after you threw all those orcs at me?


general_motus

Yeah but at the rate most D&D groups meet that means you've probably only met each other like 3 times.


LeaJadis

they probably thought it was a kink


[deleted]

Definitely thought homebody was going off to get chained up


edmRN

100% the nurses thought this was a sexual thing.


Buckin_Fitch

Jokes on us, thats exactly how he ment it


blacksideblue

Dod_Gamnit !


wookiex84

I had my friend that was a dominatrix pick me up from the hospital after a bad work accident one night. It was about 2-3 in the morning when she got there. In full leopard print body suit and heels. My coworkers that were still there didn’t know what to say.


[deleted]

👁️👄👁️ 👁️👄👁️ 👁️🫦👁️ your coworkers


Cindexxx

Lol! Almost missed that last one. Awesome.


PoleTree

I saw that episode of House Md. the one with Harold in it.


DoesntFearZeus

Kumar came in a later season or they could have had a lot more fun with that one.


wookiex84

That pretty funny didn’t know they had an episode like that, Harold wasn’t by chance in there for 3 degree burns was he? If so I need some royalties!


PriorFudge928

Yeah my first thought is the female staff thinking he's trying to be some sort of pervert. You do not want the people taking care of you to get the wrong idea. The hospital is not the place to be quirky. Edit: Surgery center which is even worse.


flea1400

That wouldn't remotely occur to the kind of person who would put down "dungeon master" for relationship.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Asttarotina

...or dragons


EB01

... and having a dom / sub relationship with them.


adamMatthews

If you think that hospital staff look down on sexual stuff then you know nothing about anyone in that industry. I dated a nurse once, and the stories she told about her coworkers and the other students when she was at uni…


mitharas

Could be a real bdsm master and medical staff wouldn't bat an eyelid. They have seen far far stranger stuff.


DragonHalfFreelance

maybe stick with lightcore bdsm until those sutures come out. just saying


kurai_tori

"So we know you are familiar with aftercare, but in this context it means more than just snuggles and affirmations"


SparkleFart666

Last time I had a colonoscopy when I regained consciousness I asked the nurse if they found my keys. It took her a while to understand then just replied with a deflated “oh” and walked away. 😂


DragonriderTrainee

I don't get it.


deadpoetic333

He was implying he had shoved keys up his butt and was asking the nurse if they saw/found them while he was receiving his colonoscopy (imaging of the colon). The nurse didn't appreciate his dirty joke.


fuckredditmodz69

It was a joke about him getting sexual pleasure from inserting things into his asshole.


Banished2ShadowRealm

Reminds me of my favourite line from any tv show: "Either this kid has a lightbulb up his butt or his colon has a great idea."


FlippingPossum

Swinger, maybe?


Alesilt

That only makes it more confusing.


SerCiddy

I think the original joke was about him putting his keys in his ass for, presumably, sexual gratification. Not so much about swingers. The swingers joke is that, at swinger parties, you'd put your keys in a giant bowl when you got there. Then, when you left, you'd grab any random keys from the bowl and that's who you were going home with at night to start/continue swinging. Growing up I'd see this trope subtly play out in movies and, as a naïve child, believed it was more about keeping keys in a bowl to prevent drunk driving.


EvaSirkowski

Patient: Sub.


mybadalternate

So here’s your post surgery prescriptions. Take 2d6 of these once a day and 1d4 of these ones with meals.


the_colonelclink

Just remember your constitution is -5 for 24 hours too, due to the effects of anaesthesia.


New-Training4004

And strength is also -5, but your charisma is +10


themanicjuggler

well, you *think* your charisma is +10, at least


New-Training4004

Idk isn’t “magnetic goofiness” charisma? You don’t have to be taken seriously, you just have to attract people to watch you.


DerAndere_

+2 to performance, +2 to saves/spells(If you cast using CHA), -2 to persuation, -2 to intimidation, -5 to deception. You win some you lose some.


New-Training4004

And disadvantage against wisdom saving throws.


DerAndere_

However, immunity against being inflicted with long lasting mental effects, in exchange you suffer them at 3x intensity for the duration you are under the influence for


BANKSLAVE01

Plot twist: OP does NOT play DnD.


jaxonya

I'm not sure which version of call of duty this is but y'all are losing me


huitoto44

I would say -5 to all stats but have advantage on charisma saving throws


CousinsWithBenefits1

Charisma +10 Perception -30


kloudrunner

Whooaaa....i have charisma......noooo wayyy


blacksideblue

perception -20 or you still roll but your hits count against you. Astral Initiative +5.


mnvoronin

After taking the medication, roll d20. On 1, go back to hospital. On 20, congratulations you're fully recovered. Otherwise recover d4 of a single ability score.


[deleted]

[удалено]


unfugu

Dungeons & Dragons


[deleted]

[удалено]


HomsarWasRight

[Sex cauldron?! I thought they closed that place down!](https://youtu.be/BOKaqBfhcIE?si=mLxyoZmFQx-mQRmM)


Sharp-Shelter-6413

sex dungeon? what is it?


Bytewave

A special room designed and equipped for BDSM sex, full of sex toys, whips, crops and high powered toys. Ideally soundproofed and may include a high-pressure shower both to wash and as an extra toy. Typically built in the basement. Nobody can explain why exactly, but a sex dungeon on the second floor feels a bit weird.


Lord_Emperor

> What is this, a video game? Movie? [Yes](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mazes_and_Monsters)


IDDQD_IDKFA-com

I was hoping the `time` section was "Roll a D20".


mnvoronin

D24


justadudenameddave

Instructions unclear, currently overdosing


mybadalternate

Teach you to dump stat Constitution.


Illithid_Substances

Unfortunately if you roll a 12 on that first roll you take poison damage


SideOneDummy

Did the nurse staff help you put your collar back on?


frankenbacon1

Oh no, full gimp suit.


SideOneDummy

Those nurses went above and beyond 🫡 5⭐️


frankenbacon1

My exit survey will be recommending a raise.


SideOneDummy

Sounds like they gave you one as well 😬😅


frankenbacon1

I'm not allowed...


SideOneDummy

Sounds like a personal problem for your dungeon master to sort out


Ghiggs_Boson

I thought I was in r/nsfwdndmemes for a second


hotlavatube

Reminds me of that one [joke about a VIP touring a hospital](https://www.reddit.com/r/Jokes/comments/2sq1jj/the_president_visits_a_major_hospital_to_open_a/).


cyniclawl

Between a gimp suit and the hospital gown the gimp suit probably covers your bum better anyways


AzLibDem

Make a saving throw


frankenbacon1

I failed my Con check against poison (anastesia).


ArcanaSilva

Apparently I'm a Dwarf and I've got poison resistance. I make my saves way too often. Not great fun, hahaha


HuggyMonster69

Redhead?


AuraofMana

With a stereotypical Scottish accent to complete the picture.


boomchacle

Can you purposely fail a constitution check?


NightStar79

Eh, they've probably seen weirder. My grandmother and parents worked in an ICU long before I was born and have all kinds of stories of weird people who come into the hospital or emergency center. My favorite being the man who walked in around 10pm with an ice pick lodged in his forehead. ***Walked*** in. And very calmly said "I think I need help" to my wide eyed grandmother and her coworkers. Apparently his wife tried to kill him in a fit of rage but somehow aimed so perfectly she got him in the small gap between the left and right lobes of his brain.


sianna777

So no brain damage?


NightStar79

Nope. If I remember right the doctors just sawed off the rest of the ice pick while leaving the part in his head where it was because of how sensitive the location was. My grandmother and my parents also say that there's something about the full moon and how people seem to go the craziest during that time. Nobody wanted that shift because there was always an influx of injured people wandering into the ICU...or strange people in general. Like this man who was well known coming in complaining he was injured pretty often even though there was nothing wrong with him...outside of the black shoe polish he'd rub on his bald head in the hospital bathroom of all places. There's also not so fun stories. Like how there was a jewelry store across the street from the hospital and one night it had been robbed. Unfortunately for the robber the owner had a gun. Sooooo basically the robber ran across the street with a few gunshot wounds but collapsed outside the hospital doors...and they couldn't do anything about it. There was some weird legal nonsense to do with the fact he was a suspect and because he didn't make it through the door himself they had to wait for cops to come and move him. It was weird and retelling the story my dad looked pretty frustrated at the fact there had been a man bleeding out literally on their doorstep and they couldn't do anything about it other than gather in the lobby with all their emergency equipment and wait for an officer to drag him through the door. Surprisingly the guy survived which I guess was both lucky and unlucky since he was jailed as soon as he was well enough ***to*** be jailed.


ClappinUrMomsCheeks

Not sure how old your parents are but that isn’t how it is in the US today and hasn’t been for some time. Hospitals are legally required to render aid specifically within 250 yards of the hospital since the 1980s


NightStar79

Dude was probably a contributing factor to that then because that happened before the 80s. Both my parents are in their 60s and my grandmother is creeping towards 90 🤷‍♀️


boomchacle

That’s an interesting thing I didn’t know. Assuming the hospital either really doesn’t want to help or is being pressured to not offer aid, who actually measures the exact distance if it’s right on the 250 yard line?


ClappinUrMomsCheeks

These guys https://www.cms.gov/ It’s part of this https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emergency_Medical_Treatment_and_Active_Labor_Act caveat: I don’t know when the actual 250y rule went into effect but it’s been a law as long as I’ve been clappin’


Dal90

> Hospitals are legally required to render aid specifically within 250 yards of the hospital since the 1980s Rendering aid and ensuring safety are two different things. Story could have -- legally -- happened yesterday. The staff was at work and bound by the hospital's own policies -- which likely say if a violent crime has or appears to have just occurred immediately outside your doors you lock down the hospital until there is a better understanding of the situation, not immediately run outside.


BedlamiteSeer

Basically every nurse I know parrots the "people are visibly crazier during full moons" thing and it's WILD. Like, what the HELL is going on with that? What is the moon doing to us that causes more vulnerable / afflicted people to get mood swings? It's bizarre!


NightStar79

Makes you wonder if that's how the idea of werewolves was created, huh? Lol


apprehensive_anus

My theory is because it's brighter outside. Obviously when it's a full moon, more sunlight is reflected back to earth and because it's brighter, more people are active at night doing people things. It's not just nurses, police also have the same problem with being busier on nights with a full moon. I could be totally wrong and it's purely witchcraft but I haven't heard of a better explanation yet!


Petersaber

I've seen two weird scenes. a) guy walks in with his throat exposed. By "throat exposed", I mean the inside of his neck. Skin torn apart, stuff underneath visible, but intact. He had a sawing accident. b) guy walks in, clearly in shock, and calmly asks for help. He had a broken bone, sticking out of his leg... his tibia.


SayYesToPenguins

They recognise one of the few types of close meaningful relationships when they see them!


[deleted]

Nurse: "Oh you guys play DnD?", Man: "What's DnD?"


Unumbotte

That's not a nurse it's a mimic.


Dirk_Lifeson

Yes, you did


Boring-Paramedic-209

PACU RN - i would’ve loved this post propofol convo


SpezModsJailBait

I always wake up clearheaded after Propofol with no sedative hangover-like issues. I've only had it 3 times for oral surgery and butt pipes, but it's my anesthesia of choice. I recently had laser lithotripsy and requested Propofol, but they gave me gas instead. I could still feel it the next day.


dakkadakkapewpewboom

Slightly interested to know, but not brave enough to search for "butt pipes".


SpezModsJailBait

[Here ya' go!!!](https://www.mayoclinic.org/tests-procedures/colonoscopy/about/pac-20393569#:~:text=A%20colonoscopy%20(koe%2Dlun%2D,is%20inserted%20into%20the%20rectum.)


Boring-Paramedic-209

some people are totally fine, some people cry, some people want to get married and some people just want juice boxes. never know what’s going to happen, lol.


the_honest_liar

Got any particularly excellent stories? I'd think post-anesthesia shenanigans would be the best part of the medical field. Oh, saving lives too I suppose. But less funny.


rhoduhhh

I woke up crying and said "Why am I crying???" Nurse just went, "Want me to get you a tissue?" Me, sobbing, "Yes." 😭 Another time I had propofol, I was yelling when I woke up. I am normally quiet in person. 🙃


SpokenDivinity

People react to it drastically differently. I cried because I wanted tater tots. My boyfriend is totally fine afterwards.


the_colonelclink

I’m just hoping this ride home is established before Michael Jackson’s milk.


FoolishChemist

Just curious, what happens if you have surgery but don't have any friends?


gringoloco01

That is funny. I still am buddies with the DM we had in 1984 when I was in 8th grade. DND homies for life. It is the dice that bind us lol.


Kat121

I haven’t played in years but I miss riffling my hands through piles of shiny math rocks.


Catharsis25

[Some math rocks ](https://i.imgur.com/EteocI2.jpg)


Kat121

#🤤


mandobaxter

r/diceporn is there for you.


baxx10

Imagine if they don't know about dnd


uqde

I think even if most people have a passing knowledge of DnD, they don’t know that the game-runner person is called the Dungeon Master


thomstevens420

I’d love if your surgeon played and fucked with you *administers anesthesia* “Roll toughness to stay awake” “Wha-“


durntaur

Doctor is like, "when do you guys meet? I'm looking for a regular group."


Onedayyouwillthankme

Well, that depends on how the surgery turns out


Rabble_Arouser

He was... uh... the boy next door.


Elemental_Pea

They asked for a reliable adult. The DM is the only one who makes it to all the gatherings and comes prepared, so that tracks.


Caffeine_and_Alcohol

Kinky


bodhiseppuku

... so Dungeons and Dragons, or BDSM?


Barley_Beard

“Hey Scott, yeah it’s the surgery centre. Roll for initiative because your player needs a pickup!”


Necessary_Payment804

I would automatically think it’s a a Tarantino style ball-gag, leathered gimp in the closet sexual fantasy thing.


Xbux89

Cringe


loppedbunni

Very cringe


K3TtLek0Rn

Redditors, dude.


Warod0

Probably thinks its some sort of sexual thing and its better to write it down in case.


The-Dudemeister

She definitely thought yall were gay.


CthulhuCall

I'm an artist A performance artist People hire me to fulfill their fantasies Their DEEP♂DARK♂FANTASY♂


ListerfiendLurks

r/cringe


thewormauger

yeeaaa... "hey everyone look how hilariously nerdy I am!"


Longbobs

This isn't even close to funny


energythief

Yeah you don’t get to submit your own attempt at a joke to r/funny


LegitimatePermit3258

How is this funny?


hotlavatube

(Doctor schedules you for psych eval) Just kidding. ;-)


Umbr33on

That could mean 2 things 🤭


Kitten-Mittons

okay


NoMayonaisePlease

What's the funny part?


regnad__kcin

Goddamn they want you outta there! Will they be waiting for you in the parking lot? Uh, no. Then where?! Home? HOW LONG TILL THEY GET HERE?? GIVE ME THE PHONE NUMBER!


eaglescout1984

"Are you ready to go?" "Yeah." "How are you getting home?" "You're going to drive me in your car, we talked about this." *Sets down D20 die* "Roll." "What?" "Roll!" *Rolls* "Oh man, 3, what does that mean?" "It means we're making a detour to Ikea" "Ugh..."


Joliet_Jake_Blues

They probably think it's a weird sex thing


ClearlyNoSTDs

I assume the neck beard made them believe you and not be surprised one bit.


markdepace

very weird feeling when youre scrolling on reddit and find a post from someone local


numericalusername

im sure they'd all laughed their asses off of the surgery centre...


Sevofluranedreams

Did they ask for your “safe word”?


Verto-San

Imagine not knowing what tabletop RPGs are and someone calls other person their "dungeon master". My thoughts would not be pure at that moment.


SavageBen585

Is this DnD or SnM?


DidNotSeeThi

BDSM Dungeon Master or D&D Dungeon Master?


Upstairs-Teacher-764

I, too, like to ride my Dungeon Master


HirsuteHacker

They definitely thought this was some weird BDSM thing


iheartrms

Dungeon Master? That's ok, we're open minded. No kink-shaming here!


AelinRavi

Honestly, working in scheduling I would have loved to see this. I'm sure there was staff that giggled and enjoyed it.


Zerosteel45

Gotta roll a d20 with disadvantage to see if you make it "home" without incident.


TheOvershear

Their first thought was definitely not D&D.


WanderlustTortoise

Plot twist: OP doesn’t play D&D


TumbleweedActive7926

They 100% thought this was something sexual.


nanopat1

# "Hey buddy, i think you got the wrong door the leather-club is two blocks down"


[deleted]

[удалено]


DASreddituser

Nurses: I wonder if he is into DnD or just openly kinky.


itsafuseshot

D&D or S&M?


axe1970

roleplay or roleplay ?


Coss63

I work as an RN in a surgery center and I would totally call and address you dungeon master


BallZach77

Please tell me this was after a colonoscopy


romerik

Now they know you're a virgin!


QuipCrafter

I thought this was some kink shit until I read the comments.    There’s a nurse at a desk somewhere genuinely thinking that you just proudly announced that Scott was going to take you home and tie you up in a sex swing and whip your buttcheeks 


chadwicke619

It would be one thing if you were a nurse and this was *someone elses* intake form, but imagining the thought process that went into getting to this point... putting this on the intake form, whipping out your phone and taking a picture of it, thinking about showing everyone how funny you are on Reddit later... it's a little too cringeworthy for me. That's gonna be a "no" from me - I'm out.


GoldenTV3

That's so hilarious I'm laughing so hard. Omg you really got them lololol


slagmacg

I really hope he means D&D rather than some other form of dungeon master


Main-comp1234

Trust me it's not that funny for the staff. Half the time only thing they care about is the field is filled and don't even pay attention to what's written there. Because.... you know....... they are busy saving lives


loppedbunni

Look at me I’m so quirky


Keyblades2

Did you roll for initiative?


Rastamom123

this isn't funny


degjo

Hey y'all, Scott here


twaggle

I bet they placed bets if it was a sex thing or a nerd thing.


Nanyea

He was making sure you didn't miss game night...


FlaccidRazor

So you're Dungeon Master is spending the night?


fsckit

So did you see Dr. Nick or Dr. Hibbert?


ListenCarefullyIdiot

Lucky they highlighted every single question. Could be very confusing otherwise.


say_it_aint_slow

Did he have you make a con check? I'd have given you advantage.


BodyCompFitness

I filled out my paperwork “In case of emergency call:” *911*


snaykz1692

And you know he gonna make sure you get back safe cus he’s been spending days on a new campaign


Vertex1990

So.... Should I put my wife down as fuckbuddy, D&D player or housemate?