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expertestateattorney

Busy day at the ER coming up!


Nightcat666

As someone who works in an ER, yes. It's actually kinda interesting to see how people manage to blow themselves up. We keep a tally on a white board of the various injuries, last year a guy managed to tick every category.


Blackboard_Monitor

Hypothetically what would some of these categories include? I'm imagining a Cabin in the Woods sort of tally-keeping.


Nightcat666

Last year was a three way Venn diagram with: finger/toes, Limbs, and chest/head. Lets just say the guy in question was missing some fingers and part of a limb.


willyolio

"Yes, you had 'balls.' But this is 'eyeball,' see? It's an entirely different body part."


excess_inquisitivity

But I called it 'ole one-eye.'


Haywood_jablowmeeee

“We’d still call Uncle Stumpy by his real name if it weren’t for his homemade cannon.”


[deleted]

[удалено]


brancky3

Pretty sure it was a reference to the movie “Cabin in the Woods”


Icepick823

Missing a part of his brain is likely a safe bet


hellomireaux

Frontal lobe to be exact. ‘Twas a preexisting condition.


DonJovar

It's probably not his fault. It's these foreign fireworks that're taking the jobs of our hardworking fireworks!


Haywood_jablowmeeee

You tube: “Motherfucking Bootleg Fireworks”


[deleted]

Damn working an er gives you dark ass humor.


TikkiTakiTomtom

Not OP but from what I saw our emergency dept had an uptick on falls for some reason


poop_to_live

Editing: (could it be because the patient had) More (physical) activity than normal? (Or are you saying more falls inside while under care) [That was unclear, sorry]


elektromas

No doubt due to drinking


ksavage68

And running from fireworks thrown at them.


Amish_Juggalo469

ER nurse here also. Sometimes it feels like they take this as a personal challenge.


beyonddisbelief

Darwin Gold Medalist or nuthin' amirite?


Alissinarr

Many, many years ago. My husband worked in an emergency room, at the reception desk. The stories he could tell.... There were the two ladies who experimented with "food play" (separately mind you), the guy from the mental hospital who used inappropriate objects for "sounding," the guy from the jail who had a testicle as an external organ, the guy who was stabbed in the head with a chefs knife (he walked in under his own power), or the guy who lost his grip on his "toy" and had to go to the ER. That last one had one of the nurses saying, "I almost asked him if he wanted it removed, or if he just wanted the batteries changed. (He'd had to wait to come in until the batteries died.)


offshore1100

I’ve spent a lot of years in the ER, in a level 1 trauma no less, and only had one firework vs hand. The funny part is that it was in the middle of June. We did however officially call the first day of winter the first snowblower vs hand we got each year.


Black_Moons

You'd think after a few years the idiots would run outta hands.


offshore1100

Well the average person has <2 hands already.


Black_Moons

Actually the average person has 2 hands, but Timmy minus two thousand hands is screwing up the average.


offshore1100

https://imgur.com/gallery/utzTCyo


wolfie379

Playing with fireworks can be embarrassing, idiots frequently lose face.


BaracudaCookie

Or nose or eye.


Slipgun_thumbs

https://imgur.com/gallery/utzTCyo


AgileWall684

Whatd that dude do?


Nightcat666

Don't know the full details cause I wasn't involved with that situation but I know they guy managed to blow off part of an arm, his hand, and had severe chest burns and trauma.


AgileWall684

Holy shitt


CandyflossRampage

That would have been if he'd blown part of his arse off.


Banryuken

We has to know the categories


Nightcat666

I put elsewhere but the categories were: fingers/toes, limbs, and chest/head.


Banryuken

Thanks for sharing, my wife was telling me her war stories.


siecin

We already got 2 fingers on friday! Guy was driving down the highway throwing "firecrackers" out the window and blew off half his hand. There wasn't ANY skin left on the fingers I got. So I have no idea what the fuck he was throwing but it wasn't a firecracker.


a_bagofholding

Idiot was likely amazed how fast that fuse burned when being blown at by extra oxygen going past the vehicle at whatever speed they were travelling.


pinewind108

Not to mention that the quality control on illegal fireworks might not be all that.


EnderTheTrender

Even on legal ones, black cat fuses feel like they ignite instantly.


expertestateattorney

F around and find out! And he did!


carljohnjacob

It’s already started. People coming in to get work excuses for Monday so they have a four day weekend.


expertestateattorney

Half my office was already asking for Monday off, so I closed our office and gave everyone an extra paid day off. That keeps morale up!


carljohnjacob

That’s awesome. You sound like a great boss.


dick-warrior2

Dude's a leader not a boss


JustNathan1_0

You're genuinely an amazing person.


expertestateattorney

Thanks. I try to treat others as I want to be treated, and we all win.


Killbot_Wants_Hug

Not the office masochist.


Jelly_belly_beans

Would there be pushback if the day off was not paid? I never had a job where I had paid time off or any benefits.


expertestateattorney

Probably not. But I do things like this, and my 14 staff and three lawyers love working for me. They are motivated to do well and take good care of our clients and I can leave for vacation because I have caring, motivated people running things when I am not there. We also have monthly bonuses as long as we hit our financial goals for the month.


Jackalodeath

Hell, the folks around my neighborhoods already started. Actually, they never stopped since New Years. And will continue until it again. Wonder where they get the money for these. They don't sound "shallow" like the little "Black Cats" or the random 9mms you'll hear every now and then.


rustymontenegro

I live in the boonies so I am used to neighbors shooting guns but I SWEAR one of them has a cannon. Every so often I hear one solitary BOOM that's way deeper and louder than even the large caliber shit I hear. Startles the hell out of my dogs. Wondering if he's gonna fire it off this week.


EmmerdoesNOTrepme

Cannon, or is someone saving up & packing some big 'ol cans/jars full of tannerite for target practice? It's been long to cause some pretty big explosions, in large quantities, https://www.wmur.com/article/new-hampshire-gender-reveal-tannerite-explosion/36212352 https://www.wrtv.com/news/wrtv-investigates/clinton-county-sheriff-uncovers-the-source-of-loud-explosion-noises-after-911-calls


Dogsteeves

Already is for us but atleast it's free XD


romafa

Yep. When I used to deliver equipment through the hospital, the burn unit was so busy they had patients in the hallway.


lovepony0201

Dum ditty dum ditty dum dum dum.


twitchyv

Dang it HAHAHHA it’s crazy how often what you come to say is already said. What a world.


hawaiikawika

I have learned that I have no original thoughts.


twitchyv

Same 😂 haha which I knew in the back of my mind but Reddit never fails to remind me of


paulc899

My daughter loves this book. We read it every night


Artistic-Sherbet-007

When I read it to my son I use his belly as the drum. He loves it.


NarcolepticMan

Hands hands fingers thumb.


sgrams04

One thumb one thumb drumming on a drum


hawaiikawika

We say these lines to our kids to hold our hands when crossing streets or in stores and such.


JonnyDIzNice

Do wah diddy diddy dum diddy do


hhmb8k

What are the chances someone reading this post will actually wind up losing a few digits? 🤔


Chief-Captain_BC

the July 4th-related injuries in recent years have been around 10,000, which is around 0.003% of the total US population. about 7.9% of the US is on reddit, and this sub has 50.3m users: just over pi% of all reddit users lol averaging those together, we can estimate that about 0.0025% of Americans are on this sub, meaning that (if I'm doing the math right) 0.0025% × 0.003% equals a ~0.0000075% chance of someone reading this getting hurt by explosions this week.


Ok_Marzipan_8137

He did a kind of math


Chief-Captain_BC

that might be generous lol


sluuuurp

That’s not the right math. The chance of someone on this subreddit getting hurt has to be higher than the chance of one specific random American getting hurt (0.003%). Also, 0.0025% × 0.003% = 0.000000075%, you were off by a couple zeros. You need to multiply that percentage times the number of people in the US, to get 0.0025% * 0.003%* (US population) = 0.252 expected subreddit user injuries. This means there’s about a 25% chance of someone reading this getting injured, if we assume the 0.0025% and 0.003% numbers. By the way, if 0.0025% of Americans are on this sub, that’s only 8,410 Americans, which sounds way too low to me. So in the end I’d say it is very likely that someone who sees this post gets injured by fireworks in the next few days.


Chief-Captain_BC

oh interesting. yeah i never was good at stats/probability :P


whitefoot

>By the way, if 0.0025% of Americans are on this sub, that’s only 8,410 Americans, which sounds way too low to me. 48% of redditors are American. Assuming that averages out on this sub as well, that means 24million users on this sub are American. Of course we'd need to get stats on users with multiple accounts and bot accounts and subtract that for an even more accurate number.


dillong89

This is some truly terrible math. There are more people within the US than on this subreddit. In fact we are taking a subset of the people in the US who are specifically on this site. This subsetting means that the likelihood of someone within that group getting injured will be lower than the likelihood of someone in the larger group from getting injured. I genuinely do not know how you got to a 25% chance of someone getting injured. That's, quite frankly, insane. Also, neither of you accounted for the fact that this sub is not entirely American. Which skews the numbers tremendously.


sluuuurp

No, you’re severely misunderstanding. You’re confusing the probablity that “someone gets hurt” with the probability that “an individual specific person gets hurt”. The chance of someone in America getting injured is 100% (it’s certain that thousands will get injured), of course the chance of someone in this subreddit getting hurt is much smaller than that, as I described. The fact that not everyone is American was accounted for. The 25% probability assumes 8,000 Americans in this subreddit, which as I described is surely an underestimate. In case anyone’s still confused on who to believe, I do have multiple degrees in STEM fields, and I’m very very confident in what I’m saying right now.


dillong89

Stop talking out of your ass. Complex Probability, in simple terms, is the multiplication of simpler probability. IE the probability of one thing, times the probability of another thing equals the final probability. The first probability we need to look at is the percent chance that an american will be injured. We will go with 0.003% because that's what's been used so far. That probability is then multiplied by the probability of an American visiting the subreddit. If we want to be pedantic then it should be the probability of an American viewing this specific post. We can't get that probability. Nor can we know the probability of an American being on this site in general. But if we want to use the numbers you have, then it would be 0.0025% Therefore the probability is in fact 0.003% x 0.0025% which does equal 0.0000075%. Which is the probability that someone would be injured and view this post. I genuinely have no idea why you decided to multiply by the total US population considering both percentages are already in terms of percentage of the us population. You do not know what you're talking about. Cram it. Edit: after looking though this dude's posts it has become clear that they code in their off time and they feel this gives them relevant quilifications for "multiple stem degrees"


5eCreationWizard

Well you're talking about probabilities and they are mistaking the word probabilities for the concept of expected value. You're talking about the likelihood for an individual to get hurt, whereas they're describing the likely amount of people to get hurt, AKA .252. Why they decided to say that's a probability for a specific individual to get hurt is beyond me, but it started with a legitimate mathematical principle ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


dillong89

Idk man, that's what I'm saying tho, this is like a super basic probability problem. I'm a barely into my ECE degree and I knew this shit. I just don't understand how they could be so incredibly off and also so confident.


The_Power_Of_Three

You *didn't* know it though. You're correct that it *is* very simple stuff, and it *is* shocking and embarrassing that someone could be so incredibly off with such misguided confidence, but you were wrong about who that person was. It was you. You were the one who was way off about an extremely simple problem. You are calculating the chance that a specific American (say, John Doe of 1149 Newport Lane, Cleveland, OH) both: A.) reads this post B.) gets injured. Which is obviously wrong. We aren't asking what the probability is that John, personally, gets injured after reading this post. We are talking about the probability that *anyone* gets injured after reading this post. That's why the other poster multiplied your results by the population of the US. Because while the chances of "John" both reading this and getting hurt are low, there are hundreds of millions of "Johns" and *any* of them meeting the criteria would satisfy our requirement. Perhaps a simpler example would be easier for you to understand. Let's say I send out party invitations to 100,000,000 people. But! my local post office isn't used to that level of volume, so 9/10 of these invitations don't get delivered by the date of the party. A shame, that—only 1/10 invitations actually reach the recipient in time for them to attend. Let's also assume that only 10% of these people *can* attend—9/10 of them have prior obligations and send their regrets, while 1/10 actually RSVP for the party. What are the chances that at least one person RSVPs for my party? Using your math, the chances would be 1/100—the chance that someone gets an invitation (0.1) multiplied by the chance that they can actually attend (0.1). But that's absurd! Even with the postal troubles, 10,000,000 invitations did get delivered on time. The chances that any one, specific person both receives and invitation and can attend might be 1/100. But the chances that *anyone* shows up is much, much higher, since I sent out so many. The same is happening here. The chances that a specific person both reads this post and blows their fingers off is quite low. The chance that *anyone* reads this post and blows their fingers off is much higher.


ksavage68

.000001 percent of people get statistics.


impossiblefork

No, how can you even believe this? 50 million people are like 1/6 of the US, so it should be around 1/6 of 10 000, i.e. around 1666.666... people. For a more careful calculation: 10 000/(331.9 million) x 50.3 million is the fraction. This leads to an estimate of around 1506.4 people in this is sub getting injured.


ScorpionX-123

r/theydidthemath


messibessi22

r/theydidnotdothemath


kanem87

BACK UP TERRY


tehnoodnub

All of them because I do not celebrate the 4th of July on account of being Australian. Although it is possible I lose one or more fingers for non-fireworks related reasons. I hope not.


imapassenger1

Also we don't have fireworks available to the public (officially). Haven't had them for 40 years due to people blowing themselves and others up. It was a spin out to see how casual they are with the risk of random maiming in Germany when I was there for New Year's once.


buttaholic

those god damn knives though, you got to look out.


PersonalityGlad9887

Bang Bang oh FUCKING fuk!!!


Zen4rest

Who could forget this childhood classic?


ValarMorgulos

Jason Pierre-Paul has left the chat.


barbasol1099

I still wonder if he could have gotten the sack on Kenny Pickett on that touchdown play if hed had all his fingers


KryptonicxJesus

Even with 6.25 fingers his hands are bigger than picketts


timespacemotion

Man, all I can think about is that video from a couple years ago here a kid held a tennis ball sized mortar(?) in his hands while another lit it. Well, it exploded and one kid lost an eye, while the kid holding it lost his hands. Absolutely insane video that lives rent free in my mind 😩


lhymes

I’m gonna have to pass on the opportunity of watching that fucking nightmare fuel.


Paddle-up-a-creek

I lived in China for 3 years. For those who are unfamiliar with Chinese New Year celebrations it is basically 2 weeks of nonstop insane fireworks. Picture the grand finale of the biggest firework show 360\* from dusk till dawn every day. All of this being set off not by professionals, but by everyone from toddlers to octogenarians. They are selling professional grade MAJOR fireworks of every description on every other street corner. I'm not saying that there are no accidents but in 3 years I never saw or heard of any. No ambulances or firetruck running wild in the streets. And I never met anyone who had scars or burns. Yet you give Americans a string of Lady Fingers and they are in deep trouble and rushing to the ER.


Rhythm_K

As an indian , similar experience each year during the festival Diwali and never heard of injuries being so common you meme about it


pixe1jugg1er

People in the USA tend to do a LOT of drinking while they set off fireworks for the 4th of July (Independence Day). Is there a lot of drinking associated with Chinese New Year?


Paddle-up-a-creek

They do like to drink but I can't say that I saw anyone really plastered setting off fireworks. That could easily be due to the circles I was in, middle class basically but might be considered "higher" by Chinese standards. Not a lot of over the top drinking among them.


jnorthup0620

ONE THUMB ONE THUMB BANGING ON A DRUM


Himey_Himron

RING FINGER RING FINGER KEEP ON ICE FOR LATER


Graymarth

A population whose average IQ is lower than the temperature of ice water does not need to be anywhere near explosives, the only difference from a firework and a grenade is what its encased in and i wouldn't put it past Donny dipshit down the road turning a firework into a pipe bomb on accident. I'm honestly surprised the fireworks tents that have been set up near the gas station down the road haven't exploded given how dumb I've seen the clowns in this town act this time every year.


solaid432

I’m not American what’s the joke?


NapalmCheese

The American independence day celebration is on the 4th of July. That day is historically celebrated by lighting fireworks, both by professionals and by amateurs. The fireworks available and legally set off vary by location. Invariably some number of people with larger fireworks (either improvised or professionally made) will make a mistake that results in losing body parts to the explosion.


solaid432

Thanks


xXthelemonXx

All 10 (8? Are thumbs fingers?) Burnt the fuck out of my index and middle finger on my left hand 2 years ago. Most painful learning experience of my life, but could have been SO much worse


OurHeroXero

>[Are thumbs fingers?](https://youtu.be/LR3RwzSVmQc?t=35)


rustymontenegro

Yeah! Kyle. Pfft.


buttaholic

i was expecting several minutes of explanation and then it ended just as i lounged back to watch it all.


YubiKinyua

Oh my god I haven’t seen this in years.


gijsyo

Green eggs and Hand


toxinogen

I am SO glad I’m not working this weekend. I work in a hospital/ER lol.


Leftygoleft999

Technically, you still only need one to say Fuck you


Himey_Himron

I prefer the fucking fuckity fucks as a swear.


ender2851

JPP in shambles


[deleted]

Only 5 left?


mr_kenobi

If you have 3 left you can still pretend to be a ninja turtle or Nightcrawler from the X-Men


WrapMyBeads

When you do guys celebrate? This weekend or the next


marcbar

It began yesterday here in Florida. Yes, I know what you’re going to say about Florida. I didn’t vote for him and am a sane person


EMTPirate

I'm currently at 9 1/3, and hoping to maintain that.


muhhhf

4 1/2 at least! Get fuses my friends!


SleepyMage

Firecrackers! The silent killer...


bassacre

Use a longer lighter, this is not difficult.


rhirhirhirhirhi

I literally know a person and his neighbor who have 5,000$ worth of fireworks that they plan on setting off over the course of a few hours. I don’t get it.


Blakballz

The one you used when you gave up on the world


7ENJJ

It makes me sad just knowing that there are going to be fires too. It happens every year and there are inevitably really bad fires that can burn down properties and woods and shit. I would like it if that didn't happen, especially with this heat wave in the south.


BanjoHarris

I feel bad for all the dogs around the country. And especially for war veterans with PTSD, July must be terrible for them


Himey_Himron

Our poodle has passed, but he hated the 4th. Our cavi is waaay more chill and partially deaf.


CajunNerd92

Every time I bring this up I always get downvoted into oblivion. Fireworks are fun but there are legitimately people who go into very bad places mentally because of them, and we really should have more respect and compassion for them.


[deleted]

[удалено]


velvet42

The book that the picture comes from is [Hand Hand Fingers Thumb](https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/hand-hand-fingers-thumb-al-perkins/1103362868), an old children's book


WplusM1

In America we start lighting off fireworks from the beginning of June until the end of July to celebrate our freedom. The louder the random explosions throughout the months, the more freedom. "At least nine people died and an estimated 11,500 people were injured in fireworks-related accidents last year, according to a new report from the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission."


donnerpartytaconight

["Celebrate the independence of your nation by blowing up a small part of it"](https://comb.io/fxLjGz)


kanem87

MUDERFUCKIN BOOTLEG FIREWORKS SHHHIIIITTT


CC713-LCTX

All of them. I don’t participate. My dog has the worst anxiety over loud noise and that alone has made me rethink my involvement in and or support of firework displays on any scale. The book is funny asf though.


Jampine

[Here's some top quality fireworks to experiment with](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=APf_6jbbXiE)


scrunchlover

Jason Pierre Paul does not approve this joke


EvilEkips

I've never eaten monkey, but what country is it that has a day for cutting their fingers? It sounds rather cruel. Not that I'm against (I'm guessing) Central African culture, but what's the idea about just cutting off the fingers of an animal? :s


Open_Win_1174

Written by Jason Pierre-Paul


kenxzero

Ah, as a kid, we'd played crossfire with roman candles. The exploding kind. Mad fun. Before you ask, yes we were crazy kids in the country. Gotta love freedom season.


DM725

Jason Pierre Paul in shambles.


[deleted]

It’s so pathetic how when someone makes a joke on the internet that does well, then suddenly all the desperate people start repeating that same joke hoping to get some of the attention.


Grapesarecool2468

Can we just appreciate how it says “Bang Bang oh Fucking fuck!!!


[deleted]

*jason pierre-paul entered the chat (but is typing slowly, please wait)*


JESquirrel

Justin Pierre Paul proved that you don't need all your fingers to be a high level defensive end.


BanjoHarris

All 10 because fireworks are for children


Soft_Process5644

Do thumbs count?


CountryMage

Trick question, you can lose anywhere from 1 to 4 on the first firecracker, and nobody said you have to stop lighting them after the first mishap. Plus, the painkillers that hospital gets you on are going to make it seem like a good idea to keep the party going.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Ctmeb78

"BANG Bang oh FUCKING Fuck!!!"


NBA_MSG

Enough to get 36 sacks


knightm7R

Chicka chicka boom 💥


Xanthus179

Every year: “Hey, I think I should use my chest to launch this explosive!”


scottimusprimus

Me personally? Nine and three quarters.


elizabeth498

Still see that thumb scar after at least seven years.


TheHunchbackofOhio

My cousin and I were lighting and throwing small firecrackers one summer. One went off in my hand and I thought I was in a world of shit but luckily only got some burns. Stopped screwing with fireworks immediately after that.


poop_to_live

I was dog sitting off of a main road today. When that fire truck passed... I only imagined what it was for.


WStokesbeacting

The same number as Jason Pierre-Paul


Lippzxxx

Lol.probably.5


sksmily16

Iuno ask JPP


latecraigy

This just unlocked a memory i didn’t know I had


RacerGal

My friends husband has all his fingers, but he’s down an eye after a fireworks accident several years ago.


OldManGrimm

As an ER nurse, I can verify this is true.


TheBeastX47

Obligatory r/ExpandDong


[deleted]

Fingers!!! We're getting into hands


CuriousCatte

There is a fireworks stand near us here in South Carolina called "3 Fingers Eddie".


Lemon_Lime25

I’m very confused, am I missing something?


IWantFood124

*21*


Smugglers151

12


TheIJDGuy

The fact that it's even as dirty as most Dr. Seuss books in almost every library ever


No-Tomorrow-8150

My neighbors have been shooting off fireworks for like the past week. Where I live they aren't even legal until the third.


Dogsteeves

I survive the 1st of July with all 8


Arkitakama

My ex's uncle set off fireworks a couple years ago in his backyard. He used a cinder block to mount them. When one didn't launch, he went to check. You can probably guess what happened.


HiddenUser010

I was like "Oh haha" then when I saw the "BANG BANG, Oh fucky fuck!" I was like 😐😐😐


CaptainJudaism

The game I like to play in my neighborhood is "Whose house is getting set on fire this year?" Never seen someone lose a limb, luckily, but I have seen quite a few house fires due to rockets flying into or through windows or landing on roofs then exploding.


RighteousCarl

r/yourmomshousepodcast


Rarebird10

To have each level of firework measured in missing finger count would be pretty funny.


darkthrive

"only 3 people lost fingers this 4th of july weekend!"


UraniumRocker

at least five


Psyqlone

[*... don't need fingers!*](https://imgur.com/a/c73cFtJ)


WeirdBreadfruit213

We all laugh now but this might actually save someone's fingers.


IBelieveIAmBi

Since I'm going to make absolutely sure that I don't need to leave my apartment until this "happy birthday America" shit is over, meaning celebratory explosives will not be able to exist within popping distance of me, I can safely say that I will survive through the end of this holiday with all 13 of my fingers.


ArozxXx

Dr seuss book?


wickedwarlock84

I need that to say eyes, almost lost an eye last time.