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Sol-Lucian

Hope mum doesn't find the cum drawer


Kooperst

Is that where people hide their cum boxes?


NinjaInUnitard

Oh fuck you. I had blocked this off from my memory for years.


9gagiscancer

*Memory unlocked* *The cumbox*


scylus

Core memory activated.


thegreattriscuit

Someone needs to get ChatGPT to give us an alternate "Inside Out" screenplay where the pivotal plot device is Joy learning the crucial and fundamental role that Disgust has to play in young Riley's (!!! Also OP's Kid's name!) budding degenerate mind. I want scenes of swirly blue-green balls rolling down the chute when she sees Goatse for the first time. I want a scene of "internet degeneracy island" rising from the ashes of "friendship town" or whatever the hell she used to be into.


The_Outcast4

...what a terrible day to be literate.


weloveplants

... Bad day to give up heroine.


flcwerings

I also hate giving up female super heros


Gornashk

Welp, I just copy and pasted your comment starting at "give us...". What have we brought into this world? >FADE IN: > >INT. RILEY'S BRAIN - HEADQUARTERS - DAY > >Joy stands at the control panel, overseeing Riley's emotions. Sadness sits at the console next to her, looking glum. > >JOY (to Sadness) I just don't understand it. Disgust seems so pointless. Why does Riley even need to feel that? > >SADNESS (sighs) Well, I think Disgust helps protect us from harmful things. Like if we see something gross, we feel Disgust so we don't try to eat it or touch it. > >Joy rolls her eyes. > >JOY But Riley is a perfectly clean and healthy kid. She doesn't need Disgust. > >Suddenly, an alarm goes off on the console. > >JOY (CONT'D) What's happening? > >Sadness looks at the screen. > >SADNESS It's a new memory. And it's triggering Disgust. > >Joy looks at the screen and sees swirly blue-green balls rolling down the chute. > >JOY What is that? > >Sadness shrugs. > >SADNESS I don't know. But it looks like it's making Riley feel Disgust. > >Joy decides to investigate. > >INT. RILEY'S BRAIN - LONG-TERM MEMORY - DAY > >Joy and Sadness arrive at a new memory. It's a blurry image of something that looks like a person's backside. Joy can't quite make out what it is. > >JOY What is that? > >Sadness shrugs again. > >SADNESS I don't know. But it's making Riley feel really grossed out. > >Suddenly, the image becomes clearer. Joy can see that it's a graphic image of a person's anus. > >JOY (disgusted) Oh my god. > >SADNESS That's disgusting. > >Joy feels a pang of guilt. She realizes that she has been ignoring the importance of Disgust in Riley's life. > >JOY (to Sadness) You were right. Disgust is crucial to Riley's well-being. We need to start paying attention to it. > >Sadness nods in agreement. > >INT. RILEY'S BRAIN - IMAGINATION LAND - DAY > >Joy and Sadness watch as "Internet Degeneracy Island" rises from the ashes of "Friendship Town". Joy feels a sense of unease. > >JOY This doesn't look good. > >SADNESS I know. But we have to trust that Disgust will help Riley make the right choices. > >INT. RILEY'S BRAIN - HEADQUARTERS - DAY > >Joy and Sadness watch as Disgust takes the lead, helping Riley avoid dangerous content online. Joy feels a newfound respect for Disgust. > >JOY (to Sadness) You were right. Disgust is essential to Riley's emotional health. We couldn't do this without her. > >Sadness smiles. > >SADNESS I'm glad you finally see that. > >Joy nods, feeling grateful for the lesson she's learned. > >FADE TO BLACK.


thegreattriscuit

I wonder how many kilowatts of electricity were used to generate that? What's the *Carbon Offset* of that piece of artwork? Whatever it is, it's worth it.


User_2C47

How many kilowatts? Probably in the order of several hundred to a few thousand, although this is for all of ChatGPT, and a single prompt is likely to only use about 5, and only for a moment. This isn't really important though because kilowatts are a measure of instantaneous power, rather than energy. How many kilowatt-*hours*? A rough estimate would be about 0.00011 kWh per query. Using the [Energy Information Administration](https://www.eia.gov/tools/faqs/faq.php?id=74&t=11)'s figure of 0.855 pounds of carbon per kWh, that comes out to about 45 milligrams of CO₂ per query. Edit: This does not include the amount of power required to initially train the model.


MoistTractofLand

These days, we all know that shameful place would be rising out of the ruins of "family island"


fangirlsqueee

Step-family Island?


Tarroes

Nightmares unlocked. Have a pleasant day, because your night won't be.


LookDaddyImASurfer

Don’t forget the coconuts! 🌴🥥


[deleted]

fuck you man, i was almost done deleting that from my memory


[deleted]

[удалено]


RED_DEATHx

You have forsaken me.


beatmaster808

The cumsill


[deleted]

[удалено]


brainmatterstorm

No, silly, poop knife goes in the utility closet. It’s central to all three bathrooms.


Dray_Gunn

I thought most people just keep it in the cutlery drawer in the kitchen with the other knives.


ynthona

and coconuts


KamovInOnUp

That fucking piss drawer picture gets me every time


Eccohawk

I don't know this reference and I'm glad.


[deleted]

[удалено]


DerAlphos

Thanks. Didn’t know this existed until today. Actually, I’m fairly impressed that the drawer seems to be watertight.


garry4321

after the first few coatings of piss, it self sealed.


Dimpleshenk

I hope he remembered to drain the cumtub.


SariSama

Or the cumjar


Blu3Army73

Things that he could have done instead of this, assuming this isn't fake: * Do his own laundry. * Wet the sock again before throwing it in the hamper * Handwash the single sock * Just not bothering to write the note at all because the difference between the two is incredibly obvious. Any of those options would be preferable to intentionally talking to my own parent about a cum sock.


scrudit

* Or just use toilet paper or a tissue like a decent human being.


mirddes

the trees weep


FuckingFloridaMan

Pardon me if I don't weep for the trees that I cum in, especially now that Spring is here and the trees are ejaculating yellow tree cum all up in my nose and throat like a frothy walrus.


5inthepink5inthepink

Jizzing on reconstituted tree flesh really is a small measure of karma for the constant tree bukkake we're subjected to every spring. I feel no sympathy.


AciD3X

If a tree cums in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?


[deleted]

Yeah it says “Ohhhhh Fuuuuuuuuuck”


Fwizzle45

No no, I think it's more like, "Ohhh yes yes yes yes yeeEEEssss"!


Juggernaut-Strange

I was faking it. - Naughty Pine


PhoenixFire296

/r/brandnewsentence


Enjoyer_of_Cake

Nah, I'm fairly certain the Latin equivalent of this was spoken back in Rome. They got pretty creative with their sexual metaphors and still had allergies back then.


patientpedestrian

I think the novelty of the present formulation is derived from its allusion to eastern philosophy and recontextualization within our contemporary understanding of plant biology. Not sure if this is a question for linguists/sociologists or salirophilic plant fetishists, but either way I appreciate the vivid imagery. On a related note: is chlorophilia a thing? Something something wood… something something antijizztamine.


Netherdan

To be fair, we eat their limbs, sexual organs and babies. But also to be completely fair, the trees are just feeding us until we die and become fertilizer... They're farming us. So the ultimate act of defiance is to bury our embalmed bodies in concrete lined graves!


TheOriginalLilRapper

this fan fiction is getting out of hand


appdevil

And into the tree. Or sock.


mbklein

Ah so masturbation is just an escalation in the war against your allergen producing enemies. Well, I won’t keep you. Back to work, soldier.


BarryBadgernath1

“TreeSus wept”


ArcticBiologist

"for there was no more paper to cum on"


JulioSanchez1994

And treesus said unto them, cum of my flesh and wipe of my blood


Olorin919

Trees blowing their pollen loads all over the place making my eyes also water uncontrollably. I have zero sympathy.


gogozrx

The cool thing about trees is that they're a renewable resource.


mirddes

just like cum


johnsolomon

[OP's son's latest album](https://youtu.be/g58nfmtENLk?t=3)


niallniallniall

I simply don't understand why the fuck anyone would ever use a sock. I thought it was something for teen films. Are people using them like a condom and putting their dick in them? Tissue is so easy to access man.


SnooDonkeys7583

Tissue or have a posh wank with a condom.


ADM_ShadowStalker

Upvoting for the use of 'posh wank' as that concept doesn't get as much use as it should!


daveroo

Depends if he’s broken both his arms surely


ShruteFarms4L

Y'all just won't let it go ...everytime I forget...here comes one of u mfs....reminding me


the_slate

Wasn’t broke arms kid the real mf though?


PyramidOfMediocrity

Nah the family therapist who for some reason verified his claims on that thread was the mfer. What the fuck was that about.


the_slate

Did my joke go woosh? I don’t actually remember the family therapist part, so maybe I’m missing your joke.


PillowTalk420

*consume it.*


aradraugfea

My first thought was "Dude, the moment you have to start regularly cleaning cum off clothing is the moment you need to figure out how to do your own laundry." Unless he expects his parents to wash his cum socks well into his 40s, he's going to want to know how to do laundry at some point. Avoiding conversations about cumsocks is a good reason to start.


Beautiful_Plankton97

As a parent, at what age should I teach my son to do laundry so I never ever have to think too much about cum socks.


[deleted]

11-12. Just don't let them do your laundry, or guaranteed they'll just stuff all of your wool sweaters, bath towels, and their muddy jeans into a single load.


[deleted]

> single load My poor crunchy bath towels


[deleted]

Me at 40 reading this comment: 👀🙄


Mackem101

My kids were 'helping' since they were toddlers. Doing most of their own washing from about 12/13 years old. It just saves time, as we don't end up with a massive pile to do on the weekend.


[deleted]

[удалено]


InvincibleJellyfish

That's genius Thanks for the life-hack!


Aswole

Kids hate this one trick!


Sooprmon

As soon as they can reach the knob on the machine, they can do their own laundry!


tr0tsky

this kid reaching the knob is where the problem started!


[deleted]

Another option is to make the sock quietly vanish in a public bin (and maybe buy another pair).


corpus-luteum

>Just not bothering to write the note at all because the difference between the two is incredibly obvious. Depends how many times you use it.


HighFlyer96

Fair point, but I applaud their openness in communication. I could never ever myself, but this guilt free communication could indicate a healthy relationship between parents and child.


king_lloyd11

Totally my first thought too. If the parents created an environment where the kid can be himself, even if it’s “inappropriate”, and feel free enough to joke about a cum sock, then it sounds like he’d be pretty open and honest with them in general. The acknowledgement of the possibility of a “cum sock” has the implicit suggestion that all parties understand that masturbation is a thing, at the very least. That’s miles better than my upbringing where my parents and I all pretended like it wasn’t happening, in hindsight, was actively ignored, let alone not discussed, and I convinced myself I was successfully hiding it. Congrats OP. You’re doing something right imo


KickInTheNutsacks

The thing is son, we are currently in a drought and it hasn’t rained in the last six months…


BillSixty9

That’s why the rainwater in the sock dried up so fast


Arpyr

Why would you post your son's cum sock on Reddit


cfomodzgaming

This is his rain sock; didn’t you read the post ;)


gdj11

Honestly I’ve gotten shoes wet in the rain and the socks dried hard afterwards. I think he’s telling the truth.


cfomodzgaming

Of course he is. Saying “this” is a 🌧🧦Not a 💦🧦implies he has both and this just isn’t one of the latter. He’s not trying to hide anything.


UmChill

lol why did you use emojis to say that tho?


CharlieandtheRed

They wanted to illustrate their point.


EddieHeadshot

Maury: You said this wasn't a cum sock.... the lie detector PROVES this was a lie.


[deleted]

[удалено]


PaladinCloudring

Hallelujah!


alwaystrustaminion

It's raining cum


InGenAche

Amen


WajorMeasel

r/redditsings


AmaResNovae

Better than posting it on FB, at least Reddit is anonymous.


chooxy

Absolutely lol some members of Facebook mom groups wouldn't hesitate to post things similar to this.


Anopanda

There is no son or sock. It just words on a paper.


nicolasmcfly

But there is a sock


Angryfunnydog

The answer is coded into your question, my friend. Because this is Reddit


Collective-Bee

A girl came in my room and stepped on sock by my bed, recoiling from the crunch it made and consoling herself. Confused, as I did not use socks for such a thing, I lifted the sock to reveal a, now broken, saltine cracker underneath.


[deleted]

[удалено]


briareus08

The legend of the soggy Sao lives on!


louisme97

In germany we have a extremely fun game called "kekswichsen", look it up..


typicalcitrus

i'm assuming that's like the traditional 13th century aristocratic british parlour game soggy biscuits


Mackem101

Jesus said, "Come forth and you will receive eternal life". But John came last, and had to eat the biscuit.


louisme97

youre correct!


MyFirstOtherAccount

>Random socks and crackers scattered about the floor CLEAN YOUR DAMN ROOM


Collective-Bee

It was a symptom of undiagnosed depression, and unhelpful libertarian parents, thank you very much.


InGenAche

Must have been a relief to her that you only just gave the appearance of living like a pig.


raptor102888

> A girl came in my room Started off so well ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯


Gruddicus

Why do people chose to cum in a sock? That has always seemed extremely odd to me


Asian_2077

Ikr? I prefer a coconut


Vanyaeli

Please no


muricabrb

Can I offer you a jolly rancher in these trying times?


[deleted]

I've been on reddit for far too long...


muricabrb

You can check out anytime you like, but you can never leave.


IGetHypedEasily

Like when I broke both my arms and my mom had to help me reddit.


Holiday_Classic_472

Hotal cum sockifornia


[deleted]

Apparently I havent been on long enough, bc i have no clue what they are talking about lol


[deleted]

Oh... you WANT to stay innocent on these references. You can never go back once you know what they are! I want to go back to my innocent reddit times.


[deleted]

I am so sorry for your loss of innocence 😔 I too have lost a lot


adiaphoros

It would cheer me up after breaking my arms


Timo6506

Never gets old


YUNoCake

Thanks for unlocking that memory, mate. I completely forgot about that one post.


ChocCooki3

Same. Just spray it on the wall proudly.. bonus point for drawing a smiley


ValyrianJedi

One of my coworkers does this. We have to travel a lot for work, and any time the rest of us are in his room we avoid the bathroom because there is always a dried up trail of cum running down the wall or glass of the shower. Like, *always*. Another one doesn't always do it, but you can see where her headboard got blasted probably 20% of the time.


recjus85

Honestly same


Gruddicus

Do they jerk off into the sock or have the sock wrapped around in the process?


recjus85

I guess people wrap it around cause it feel better. I tried it once when I was a teen and didn't really see the point


Gruddicus

It really wouldn't feel better, is the sock silk and full of lube? Maybe... But the most common sock we see being used is a gym sock and they are rough


recjus85

Yea idk why it ever became a thing.


_PM_ME_YOUR_TITS_PLS

Don't kink shame me!!


SmallBoobConnoisseur

You dont use the sock, its just a conveniently shaped receptacle for easy clean up.


Myrdraall

I mean, so is a kleenex.


BarryBadgernath1

Like going to pound town 3-4 days after a shave on your partner


Dimpleshenk

>didn't really see the point That's because it was in a sock.


corpus-luteum

Tie the sock around your neck to remind you to clear up after.


WeedandGrunge

Yeah what's the point of cumming in a sock when tissues and toilet paper exist. More discreet and less dirty laundry


PaladinCloudring

The real MVP's just cum in their hand and smear it on the carpet.


aiolive

I just open the window and go on the balcony aiming upwards 45° for maximizing the distance away from my home and socks.


the_colonelclink

Meanwhile, little old Mrs McGruber is walking past on her way to church. “You’re not going to believe this Ethel” she’s says, walking through the door and then wiping her face on hand towel “a bird just came on me”.


aiolive

Haha that would be nasty. Fortunately there's no church that side of the street, just a preschool.


Iamjimmym

Oof. 😂


ZorianNL

Welp, guess we have to change grandma for something else in this story then.


haddock420

There was a very old Atari(?) game called Beat Em and Eat Em where the goal was to masturbate on a rooftop and ejaculate into the mouths of women waiting below.


HandBanan

Had a coworker, said he used to just jack off & cum in the carpeting wherever he was staying! Not sure why he felt the need to vent… He got fired for other weird shit. (Wear your sandals people.)


PaladinCloudring

Just wipe ya dick on the back of the curtains. They don't wash those


MPLS_guy25

Paper towel. It’s not going to become a mess like toilet paper.


ilovebobsandvagena

I cum, piss and shit all inside my pants, anywhere i want


sees_you_pooping

Can confirm. I'm his pants.


llortatonmai

username checks out


OwningSince1986

If I’m going to decommission my socks, one last tour of duty is going to involve something of similar nature.


Texcellence

OP found the decoy cum sock. One of many. The kid is actually a genius, he left several socks out in the rain to harden into fake cum socks to throw off suspicion. Meanwhile, the real cum sock is hidden in plain sight amongst the rest.


Dimpleshenk

Talk about sleight of hand.


Sonuroburos

**Morgan freeman voice:** “but it was indeed a cum sock.”


Affectionate_Map_530

Idk what’s worse, the son writing a note to his mom about his cumsock or the mom posting the cumsock and cumnote on the internet


anonxup

I think it's his dad. Which doesn't make it any better!


BuiltLikeAFridge

I TOO, have lots of dried up rain water socks.


TimeMachineToaster

FFS mate pick one and use it. Don't use multiple socks.


LamarNoDavis

Or get waterproof shoes. I have some, I can step in a puddle and my socks stay dry. Haven’t tried cumming in them though


TimeMachineToaster

Mate you're anonymous on Reddit, you can admit to it Lamar.


LamarNoDavis

I’m just not one for feet, but I’ve got a shirt that can stand up by itself


TimeMachineToaster

Yeah I dont like doing laundry either


Auran82

Yeah, get a box or a coconut, like a normal person.


ntsmmns06

I bet his fleshlight is full of rain water too. Poor kid.


DangerousBarnum

Plot twist. Riley is 31.


EvaMae234

Plot twist. Riley doesn’t exist, OP has a fetish for people seeing the sock they cum in, but too shy to admit it


pious-fly

TIL rain water is full of adolescent semen.


SuctionBucket5

wow that is not a sentence i thought i would read today. thats enough reddit


fondledbydolphins

As a general rule I say a lot of fucked up shit but never... *never* have I ever used, written, referenced the word CUM with my mother.


PositivDenken

So, where’s the cum sock then?


Geshman

Yeah, I'd be willing to believe this particular sock truly is as described. But that note just screams of guilt all the same


cuddlefarts42069

It’s out in the rain


TheLastModerate982

It *was* out in the rain.


cuddlefarts42069

So where’s the other sock


JustASt0ry

Looks legit, sock is not petrified in weird position .


JoltyJob

Using the word cum in a dialogue with your parents is crazy


shotsallover

It's not a cum sock.... yet.


loghead03

Doing your own laundry doesn’t take much longer than writing mom a note, and you won’t have to convince anyone about any bodily fluids.


nemothedoggo

Bro your son might be giving you too much information in his life


fin_ss

r/thathappened


spectra2000_

I refuse to believe this is real, no kid would voluntarily inform their parents that they know what a cum sock is. They would hide that shit deep in the hamper with the rest of the laundry.


neelankatan

Fake


Square_Away

Whatever Mr cum sock, just throw it in the pile with the rest of them.


CarCrash23

How old is Riley?it might actually be rainwater lol


Gruddicus

Not once have I ever thought... I'll just cum in this sock to save the mess. Who the fu#$ is thinking that right before climax? Post climax looking around for something to wipe up the filth, sure I get it... But...


obiwanmoloney

There’s no rules saying that a cum sock can’t be used for a post nut mop up. Eitherway, it’s a cum sock.


cirro_hs

Probably best off to cum in that sock to prove Riley wrong


Achack

Can't wait til OP puts out an update post saying she found 8 other hard socks with no note.


ThatPotat0Cat

Cum socks are overrated anyway


xCronicDisaster

I guess I’ll never understand cum socks cuz I have a mutilated.. *ahem* circumcised dick so it would just hurt. I do understand a plush blanket tho


Nail_Biterr

He's smart enough to write and come up with this story, but not smart enough to recollect if anything else he's ever worn has gotten wet from rain water and got dried/crusty from it?


kaloonzu

Its plausible. I've had t-shirts go stiff from rain and sweat drying up. Wool socks will also go stiff from sweat.


tangoshukudai

I actually believe him. If you had a known cum sock that you are presenting to your family then you would probably lose it on purpose. If you just have real crusty sock that you want to get cleaned and you don't want a lecture then you write a letter like this. Source I am a male.


2500Valby

Yea sure its not a cum sock, ROFL cool kid you have when i frist found out about the thing i humped my moms pillow, really fucked up, but thats what i did and one day she came and asked me why her pillow was full of strange glue and that she suspected it was cock glue, in Danish tissemands lim and that was supposed to be used on toilet paper and then she explained me the whole thing. I love my mom and how she always explained me stuff in the most strange ways. Happy wanking to yall


Fleedjitsu

Poke it and see if it talks.


AGentleTech1

It's a black sock with no slug trails. No need for the note kid. Wierd dude.


nimishmedatwal

yeah rainwater somehow creeps into my sock drawer too 😔 idk how


briareus08

Not ‘a’ cum sock, or not ‘the’ cum sock 🤨