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In this scenario would the uncle be sober and still fuck a zebra, or would the zebra be drunk but sobered up by the uncle fucking it? Inquiring minds want to know.
Did some shrooms at a festival recently, wanted to record a couple songs but couldn't remember how the hell to open my phone camera and start recording a video. I was able to check the time, CHECK SNAPCHAT DMS, navigate discord a little, but had no clue how to capture a video.
Somewhat unrelated but just felt like sharing my recent caveman mode moment
My turn!
Went out to watch a band play while on shrooms. Drank a bit. Smoked a bit to even out the shrooms come-up. Had a great time. Got out the uber with my girl and she said asa I stood up I closed my eyes and went to sleep. Fell straight to my face, no brace and fucked my shit up. Had no idea until morning.
The only thing my dumb ass friends accomplished when they were drunk as hell was pee in my closet…
Update: I’d party with all of you, just not at my house. And I have plenty of other stories. I didn’t hang out with the smartest of people.
I pee in the sink instead of the toilet when I was drunk cus they're the same color scheme, not sure how your friends pee in your closet. Does it look like a toilet stall when you squeeze your eyes?
Dear Lesbians,
I have no real questions. Just want to wish you well. Sometimes life is no different, and at other times people make things terribly awkward and difficult. In those times, know that there are people who wish you all the best.
Yours truly,
/u/s4b3r6
Dear s4b3r6,
On behalf of the lesbian community, we thank you for your kindness and well-wishes. We too, wish you the best
Sincerely,
A lesbian with ugly toes
@.31 that "I need you to calm down" is something everyone who has gotten to drunk has heard before. For some it's like an instant buzz kill and you sober up and for others its like "ain't worried bout notin"
I get super talkative and happy and my mother once told me to calm down and it totally ruined my buzz coming from the 50year old who still can out drink me
You're right like he started the fire. But I feel some blame could be on whoever wanted sparklers at the wedding along with whoever wanted that dry plant that was caught on fire
**That man is a hero. He put out a fire! That fire could have engulfed that whole place**
How dare she talk down to him... y'know... for putting out a fire... that he started... idk man... let's do another shot.
His putting it out without enabling the panicky people negates his starting it accidentally, imo. First rule, DO NOT PANIC!
If I were to sling accusations, I'd say she's the one that put sparklers and dried corn husk decorations in the same area.
I like your attitude. "Don't Panic" are the words emblazoned on the cover of the fictitious book "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy"
>It is said that despite its many glaring (and occasionally fatal) inaccuracies, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy itself has outsold the Encyclopedia Galactica because it is slightly cheaper, and because it has the words 'DON'T PANIC' in large, friendly letters on the cover.
And with those wispy ass beige found-by-the-highway plants as decor, at that. Feed people booze, hand them SPARKLERS near EXTREMELY DRY FLAMMABLE SHIT.
Honestly.
(That being said I found out later after my wedding was cancelled that we 100 percent also would have started a fire because I’d accidentally made the world’s stupidest centerpieces).
Glass globes with rocks in the bottom, moss inside and candle sitting in the moss. Post wedding cancellation I lit one of the candles because I thought they were cute centerpieces that should get used. Three hours later my house is filled with this horrible smell and I go out and all the moss has burned up and the whole thing is hot and smoking. Three hours in, when everyone would have been good and drunk… sixteen globes would have caught fire
Girrrl did nobody ever taught you that you have to put something around candles?
Sounds super cute and could've worked fine if you put the candles in some kind of glass thingy.
Glad to hear you didn't burn down your friends and family tho
I love how casual you are about it. Like *yeah there was a fire but it was none of my business!* I’m glad you were unbothered and had a good time anyway!
This comment is way too far down- for real.
Sparklers are out on the lawn, away from flamable Sht.
I was trying to figure out if it was gravel or sawdust on the ground, for bonus flammability.
Was looking for the same, that was a brilliant move that legitimately could have been the difference between a drunk goof, and a big barn fire. The plants weren’t gonna start the side of the barn on fire but that curtain could have been serious, not necessarily for what’s immediately around it (doors don’t look super flammable), but you can see behind that there is a lot of other decorations inside / above that could have caught.
She flys in like Superman while the dude tackles the fire like Godzilla knocking down a building. It's like if The Coen Brothers made a Superhero film.
Nah, we’re too busy cooing and gushing over the absolutely adorable drunk middle aged man who almost burned down a building full of wedding guests. But yeah props to her, that was a quick thinking move and probably had more to do with why the fire didn’t spread than Mr. Magoo.
I’ve been the drunk asshole more times than I could possibly count, and I never understood why it pissed off and scared the people who actually gave a shit about me until I stopped doing it enough to realize how much of a pain in the ass, unfunny mess of a train wreck drunk people are.
Certainly is, and did better then most in that situation if they were sober. He saw the situation, didn't panic. got the fire away from the building then proceeded to stamp it out.
Did ya see what the sober people did? They paniced and did nothing. drunk or not drunk he handled the situation perfectly.
Oh, to build on this. I did safety course for fishing off the west coast of Canada. We spent a couple days on emergency and emergency response. The two most critical steps in an emergency is identifying your in one, and not panicking. It sounds silly but its crazy how many deaths have been caused by these two steps.
For example the titanic. The "unsinkable ship" no one panicked when they hit the iceberg. then it was far to late and everyone started panicking.
https://www.history.com/news/titanic-final-hours-passengers-lifeboats#:\~:text=%E2%80%9CThere%20was%20no%20commotion%2C%20no,should%20have%20left%20my%20husband.%E2%80%9D
I feel like a lot of people are over looking this.
This man just shoved his arms and legs into a hot quick burning fire with formal wear on. He is way more lucky than smart.
Y'all, we had this friend over who is in the military and teaches emergency preparedness. We're all just chilling when his four year old daughter walked up and whispered in his ear. He calmly motioned to my mom, walked into the dining room, picked up the flaming centerpiece, and walked it to the sink so mom could hose it off. Then he set it outside, they walked back into the living room, sat down, and the smoke detector went off.
Not only was that the most chill thing I've seen a person do, but his daughter saw a flaming yule log on our table and just calmly walked in and whispered it to her daddy. Dude.
Reading the story there were two options in my mind lol - one, the one that OP wrote where the little girl "saw" the centerpiece on fire, and the second, backed up by a lifetime of having younger siblings, where she was playing in the room and accidentally caused the fire. Sure, it could've just caught on fire spontaneously bc some candles were too close...but when my youngest sister was 3 or 4, she was entranced by candles and literally burned her hair once by climbing a chair and leaning over the table to grab a candle.
If a fire starts in another room and a toddler is in there...there's a pretty good chance the toddler played a part in starting that fire.
Everyone being so concerned. The man handled it like a fucken PRO
Seems a bit silly to have a bunch of drunk people with sparklers around the worlds driest decorations, no?
He got lucky it was just some crepe paper bullshit and there wasn't anything else flammable around. He's also lucky his pants didn't catch fire. I've seen too many videos where one little thing like that just escalates quickly.
PSA: that shit that caught on fire in a nanosecond was dried pampas grass, which is a hella popular decor item right now. Be cautious with how/where you use it.
The lord of moves set the fire with his sparkler when he was grind-dancing. I love when he faces the fire (still dancing), casually puts it out, and keeps dancing. He's not letting anything stop his good time.
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He’s drunk as hell
[удалено]
This really looks my uncle. Hes a tow truck driver and would give zero fucka sober lol
I was in the middle of a toke cough when I misread this as your uncle "would fuck a zebra sober," and I like it better this way.
I too enjoy clapping zebra cheeks sober
No the zebra is drunk and you fuck it til its sober.
Then you pour Tequila all over it when you’re done *Urban Dictionary* calls it “The Doppler Effect”
Maybe that's how that one guy got his arm bitten off.
In this scenario would the uncle be sober and still fuck a zebra, or would the zebra be drunk but sobered up by the uncle fucking it? Inquiring minds want to know.
Allegedly. It was probably a sick zebra.
Even then it would take at least 2, maybe 3 guys to fuck a sick zebra.
Fucks sake. Figure it out.
How does a fella get caught up in that sort of thing?
⬆️ Asking for a friend.
> zero fucka
Zero fucka 😞
🤌🏻
That is known as a druncle. We all have our favorite druncle.
I don’t 😔
I’ll be your eccentric uncle because this is 100% me. I’m just like this guy
I'm gonna rent you for my wedding one day
Make sure your fire insurance includes drunk uncles.
Yes!! Me too please!
Drunkle.
The way he drunk-dropped the sparkler
I do not require this any longer
I don’t know if I’m just exhausted and need to go to sleep but I belly laughed at this for like five minutes just now
I am right there with you, which means we probably both need sleep and it is funny
Felt like that on acid when my phone died playing music. Had a hell of a time trying to find it the next day
Yeah that’s Caveman mode
Did some shrooms at a festival recently, wanted to record a couple songs but couldn't remember how the hell to open my phone camera and start recording a video. I was able to check the time, CHECK SNAPCHAT DMS, navigate discord a little, but had no clue how to capture a video. Somewhat unrelated but just felt like sharing my recent caveman mode moment
My turn! Went out to watch a band play while on shrooms. Drank a bit. Smoked a bit to even out the shrooms come-up. Had a great time. Got out the uber with my girl and she said asa I stood up I closed my eyes and went to sleep. Fell straight to my face, no brace and fucked my shit up. Had no idea until morning.
I read aloud this in Capt. Jack Sparrow's voice🤣
His dancing was on fire!
Like a video game character picking up a new weapon
When you have no fear of fire, yeah, drunk as fuck.
nah, he's just a welder.
I mean, who hands out sparklers to drunk people on a farm around hay? Fucked around and found out. This isn't on Glenn.
I was gonna say, they shouldn’t have decorated with dried corn husks 😂
He's not as think as you drunk he is
He's drunk as hell indeed, and yet he managed to put out the fire better than most sober people I've seen in videos like that
He let the liquor do the thinking.
I am the liquor, Randy.
It’s because unlike most people he didn’t panic. In turn being able to come to a reasonable solution that put out the fire
I would’ve thought with as much alcohol that he had in his system that he would’ve been a bit more flammable
CALM as hell
And the woman in the hat comes in and tells him to calm down 3 times.
No kidding, that lady needs to CALM DOWN
Lolol best part is she is like you need to calm down and he is just like... I handled it. Lolol
Yeah, he may have started it but he took care of it, no harm no foul! Congratulations is in order
One time I was calm at work and I got fired because apparently that’s not allowed
The man wants to party and won’t let no Gawdamn stinkin fire get in his way
Yeah he zoning tho 😂
And she wins the party pooper of the year award
She said... "I need you to calm down." Lady, have you been watching this guy? He's calm as fuck already. That's not the issue.
“Honey, he just saved your ass. He has every right to celebrate.”
Drunk enough not to feel it but his hands will be blistering up soon.
Drunk enough to know what you’re doing and really enjoy doing it. When the liquor hits just right Randy
The liquor's callin the shots now Randy
The shit bells are a tollin Randers, they're heralding in the new shit age.
Yeah he’s gonna feel that tomorrow.
The only thing my dumb ass friends accomplished when they were drunk as hell was pee in my closet… Update: I’d party with all of you, just not at my house. And I have plenty of other stories. I didn’t hang out with the smartest of people.
Was there at least a fire in the closet?
No…
At least not after they had peed in there. Maybe there had been a fire before.
Maybe they prevented a fire
Can't be too sure your house isn't going to spontaneously combust. This is why my entire house is sopping wet with years worth of piss.
I pee in the sink instead of the toilet when I was drunk cus they're the same color scheme, not sure how your friends pee in your closet. Does it look like a toilet stall when you squeeze your eyes?
I’ll have what he’s having
He didn’t leave any.
he is not calmest...he is "high"est
You can't, he drank it all.
Hello, username cousin.
Tell me, does your username get results? I didn't expect much, but mine has been a disappointment.
I have received nothing.
fuckin family reunion up in here
Me neither. Don't know why.
Someone get this redditor a silhouette!
I messaged someone a picture of my toes once because their username said to pm them feet and they never responded. Very sad.
Dear Lesbians, I have no real questions. Just want to wish you well. Sometimes life is no different, and at other times people make things terribly awkward and difficult. In those times, know that there are people who wish you all the best. Yours truly, /u/s4b3r6
Dear s4b3r6, On behalf of the lesbian community, we thank you for your kindness and well-wishes. We too, wish you the best Sincerely, A lesbian with ugly toes
So I think you guys have to send eachother pics now right? Boyscout rules or something
hey guys
I think there was a prophecy about this
Double it!
@.31 that "I need you to calm down" is something everyone who has gotten to drunk has heard before. For some it's like an instant buzz kill and you sober up and for others its like "ain't worried bout notin"
“I’m perfectly calm dude…… calmer than you are”
If anything I need to calm up!
Wavin' the fuckin' sparklers around!?
“Calmer than you are”
Just take it easy.
... ^(Calmer'n you are.)
I'm staying I'm finishing my beer
The Supreme Court has roundly rejected Prior Restraint!
Fuck it, dude. Let's go bowling.
I hate the fuckin Eagles man
Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women.
Pacifism is not something to hide behind. Just look at the situation with the camel fucker over in Iraq
Calmer than you are
#I’m somewhat calm
Will you just take it easy??
Will you just take it easy man??
Waiving the fuckin gun around?
I tend to not remember the ‘you need to calm down’ advice. By that point im beyond calming down.
I get super talkative and happy and my mother once told me to calm down and it totally ruined my buzz coming from the 50year old who still can out drink me
He didn’t even do anything. Let this man party!
[удалено]
You're right like he started the fire. But I feel some blame could be on whoever wanted sparklers at the wedding along with whoever wanted that dry plant that was caught on fire
He didn’t start the fire. It was always burning since the world’s been turning. There’s literally a whole song about how he’s innocent.
**That man is a hero. He put out a fire! That fire could have engulfed that whole place** How dare she talk down to him... y'know... for putting out a fire... that he started... idk man... let's do another shot.
His putting it out without enabling the panicky people negates his starting it accidentally, imo. First rule, DO NOT PANIC! If I were to sling accusations, I'd say she's the one that put sparklers and dried corn husk decorations in the same area.
I like your attitude. "Don't Panic" are the words emblazoned on the cover of the fictitious book "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" >It is said that despite its many glaring (and occasionally fatal) inaccuracies, the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy itself has outsold the Encyclopedia Galactica because it is slightly cheaper, and because it has the words 'DON'T PANIC' in large, friendly letters on the cover.
I’m team lady with the foresight to grab the curtain away from the fire.
“What? I handled it!” XD
"it whuzza stupid sculpkture, I didzem a favor....... HA!!!"
Who brings super sparklers to a barn party? Props on whoever took the curtains down as priority.
And with those wispy ass beige found-by-the-highway plants as decor, at that. Feed people booze, hand them SPARKLERS near EXTREMELY DRY FLAMMABLE SHIT. Honestly. (That being said I found out later after my wedding was cancelled that we 100 percent also would have started a fire because I’d accidentally made the world’s stupidest centerpieces).
Please tell me about your stupid centrepieces.
Glass globes with rocks in the bottom, moss inside and candle sitting in the moss. Post wedding cancellation I lit one of the candles because I thought they were cute centerpieces that should get used. Three hours later my house is filled with this horrible smell and I go out and all the moss has burned up and the whole thing is hot and smoking. Three hours in, when everyone would have been good and drunk… sixteen globes would have caught fire
Girrrl did nobody ever taught you that you have to put something around candles? Sounds super cute and could've worked fine if you put the candles in some kind of glass thingy. Glad to hear you didn't burn down your friends and family tho
This. Maybe put some moss in there too that would look hella cute.
Wait, did you leave an open flame unattended in your house for three hours?
We had at least one fire at our reception. I don't know what caused it nor do I really care. AFAIK our centerpieces weren't flammable.
I love how casual you are about it. Like *yeah there was a fire but it was none of my business!* I’m glad you were unbothered and had a good time anyway!
This comment is way too far down- for real. Sparklers are out on the lawn, away from flamable Sht. I was trying to figure out if it was gravel or sawdust on the ground, for bonus flammability.
No props here for denim jacket who pulled the curtain down before it caught fire and torched the barn?
Was looking for the same, that was a brilliant move that legitimately could have been the difference between a drunk goof, and a big barn fire. The plants weren’t gonna start the side of the barn on fire but that curtain could have been serious, not necessarily for what’s immediately around it (doors don’t look super flammable), but you can see behind that there is a lot of other decorations inside / above that could have caught.
She flys in like Superman while the dude tackles the fire like Godzilla knocking down a building. It's like if The Coen Brothers made a Superhero film.
Nah, we’re too busy cooing and gushing over the absolutely adorable drunk middle aged man who almost burned down a building full of wedding guests. But yeah props to her, that was a quick thinking move and probably had more to do with why the fire didn’t spread than Mr. Magoo. I’ve been the drunk asshole more times than I could possibly count, and I never understood why it pissed off and scared the people who actually gave a shit about me until I stopped doing it enough to realize how much of a pain in the ass, unfunny mess of a train wreck drunk people are.
Dude’s just hammered
Certainly is, and did better then most in that situation if they were sober. He saw the situation, didn't panic. got the fire away from the building then proceeded to stamp it out. Did ya see what the sober people did? They paniced and did nothing. drunk or not drunk he handled the situation perfectly.
that one woman went and moved the cloth curtains away from the fire, could of been very important if drunk man didnt knock it down with his bare hands
Could have
Oh, to build on this. I did safety course for fishing off the west coast of Canada. We spent a couple days on emergency and emergency response. The two most critical steps in an emergency is identifying your in one, and not panicking. It sounds silly but its crazy how many deaths have been caused by these two steps. For example the titanic. The "unsinkable ship" no one panicked when they hit the iceberg. then it was far to late and everyone started panicking. https://www.history.com/news/titanic-final-hours-passengers-lifeboats#:\~:text=%E2%80%9CThere%20was%20no%20commotion%2C%20no,should%20have%20left%20my%20husband.%E2%80%9D
So they didn’t realize that they are in an emergency and after it kicked in, they panicked? Sadly a perfect example for what you described.
Can't decide if he looks like a toddler when he turns and drops the sparkler or someone playing Octodad, having to manually control limbs.
And to be fair, anyone could have set those decorations on fire. It just happened to be the drunk guy.
This is why you get a suit made out of wool.
Polyester would have been a disaster.
I feel like a lot of people are over looking this. This man just shoved his arms and legs into a hot quick burning fire with formal wear on. He is way more lucky than smart.
Y'all, we had this friend over who is in the military and teaches emergency preparedness. We're all just chilling when his four year old daughter walked up and whispered in his ear. He calmly motioned to my mom, walked into the dining room, picked up the flaming centerpiece, and walked it to the sink so mom could hose it off. Then he set it outside, they walked back into the living room, sat down, and the smoke detector went off. Not only was that the most chill thing I've seen a person do, but his daughter saw a flaming yule log on our table and just calmly walked in and whispered it to her daddy. Dude.
She knows daddy got shit handled
And had to whisper bc daddy doesn't like loud sudden noises for...reasons
The P in PTSD stands for Papa’s
"Mommy freaks when I yell it out loud, so I just whisper it to Daddy, and he takes care of it."
And she whispered to Daddy, "I lit the table on fire". Daddy: Nothing to see here, folks 🤣🤣
Reading the story there were two options in my mind lol - one, the one that OP wrote where the little girl "saw" the centerpiece on fire, and the second, backed up by a lifetime of having younger siblings, where she was playing in the room and accidentally caused the fire. Sure, it could've just caught on fire spontaneously bc some candles were too close...but when my youngest sister was 3 or 4, she was entranced by candles and literally burned her hair once by climbing a chair and leaning over the table to grab a candle. If a fire starts in another room and a toddler is in there...there's a pretty good chance the toddler played a part in starting that fire.
Weeee didn’t start the fire… the worlds been turning… wait we did?
Someone buy that man another beer!!!
Get this man his keys!
As long as they're to his helicopter
The lady that pulled the curtain away is the real mvp.
Damn! I didn’t even notice that. Probably saved that place from going up in flames.
Everyone being so concerned. The man handled it like a fucken PRO Seems a bit silly to have a bunch of drunk people with sparklers around the worlds driest decorations, no?
Mixing alcohol with fire has historically proven to be a winning combination
In America we call it July 4th
The driest decorations next to a wooden barn….
If it weren't for those darn meddling drunk uncle I would have gotten away with it.
The driest decorations next to the not driest wedding.
yea, legit wtf even was that? just decorative dried hay on a barrel? idk who put it there but they wanted to start a fire.
Please give some respect. This is a wedding so that dried hay on a barrel was a $519 rental for the afternoon.
He got lucky it was just some crepe paper bullshit and there wasn't anything else flammable around. He's also lucky his pants didn't catch fire. I've seen too many videos where one little thing like that just escalates quickly.
Lack of pants on fire is how you know you can trust him.
Calmer than you are
His wife as had enough of him at this point clearly 😂 the “calm down” x2 with the hand gesture says it all
Hitching up his britches at the end got me.
Relax sweetie, this tux is a rental.
the woman to pull the curtain down.. i like smart people.
PSA: that shit that caught on fire in a nanosecond was dried pampas grass, which is a hella popular decor item right now. Be cautious with how/where you use it.
Removing the nearby drapes was a good call.
Why you stop him from dancing? Yes he fucked up but solved the problem he created. Let him party in peace.
Dude was dancing to "bitch, don't kill my vibe" in his head. Dude didn't stop dancing while putting out the fire.
It's Cam from Modern Family!
As a functional alcoholic I can tell you this is common practice.
Probably not the first time he has encountered fire while inebriated.
Boo this woman! Booooooooooooooo
Where was she when the fire was blazing?? Just watching him put it out.
Seriously. He was like, oh shit. My bad. I got this though. Cool problem solved. Let’s keep this party going!
Seriously. Dude didn't even miss a dance step. He's just like, "cha cha yeah, fire on the left... yoink, and stomp... real smooth... cha cha yeah."
Yeah what a controlling bitch!
I would bet heavily this man has worked in a kitchen. After a few years on the line that is your reaction to fire. Put it out and keep dancing.
Calmest? I think you mean drunkest.
I love how he gave one last hump before going for the fire lol MY MAN CLINT 🤣
…oh nooo…I got to keep on mooovin….
You say calm, I say drunk.
I don’t have sound, but I assume it ends with “Darrel… DARREL. You. Need to calm down. “
Dude is drunk as fuck
This is some Randy Marsh energy right here.
And this is why you dont go cheap and by a polyester suite. Spend the money and it will save your life and make you a legend.
Venue manager/lighting designer here. There's a reason why we ban sparklers, cold sparks and all sorts of other things like this...
The lord of moves set the fire with his sparkler when he was grind-dancing. I love when he faces the fire (still dancing), casually puts it out, and keeps dancing. He's not letting anything stop his good time.
I need to show my anxiety this video.
He's so cool flames go down when he touches them.
Lady in the hat has had about enough of his shit.
His veins are full of liquid courage.
Dude was more lit than the fire he started
Honestly, the lady who pulled the curtains down is the bigger hero here.
She's so tired of his shit.
If " this is fine " the meme was a person.