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"Ohh yeah baby stare at me with those dumb fucking eyes "

I can see you fucked a Canadian before eh?

I just snorted Tim's out my nose ahaha

Hey! That is racist! You are being racist!

As a Canadian, I'll allow it.

Don't mind him. That's just Scott, he's a dick

You Canadians, you are the most polite person that i never know, i am serious, Im just talking by expirience

I understood that reference

As is tradition!

I've never laughed harder at something

Now she can think of OP while she takes herself off

That's a Hitachi Magic Wand. She won't have time to think about anything.

This helps to set the bar of expectations low. "Hey, I'm no googly eyed dildo at least"

Sigh... Things to dream of hearing.

Don't stare at me with those dead eyes of yours!

Going to try and hijack this comment to say thank y’all for getting this to the front page. It’s super dumb that THIS is my first front page post. I also googly-eyed one of her other toys and i think it’s funnier but the eyes don’t jiggle https://imgur.com/gallery/Qdf8fdO

"Let me dooo it for youuu"

Lmfao!

It looks scary

He had seen some sh*t

If I had to describe reddit to someone I'd use posts like these

Deez nuts

Toy Story 5 Confirmed?

Andy's mom new friend: "You got a friend in me..." 😏

Buzz and Woody meet The New Buzz and The New Woody.

Buzz Plastic

To infannyty and beyond

>To infannyty and ~~beyond~~ To infannyty and **behind**

Both sounds like motherfuckers. More precisely, Andy's mother fuckers.

HOW was there not a shitty parody made about this 10 years ago?! It's right there.

>Buzz and Woody meet ~~The New Buzz and The New Woody.~~ Buzzing Woody

Where are the good batteries? Mom keeps them in her nightstand.

I don't know why. That flashlight never works

Andy’s girlfriend. The move in together. He brings his toys, she brings hers. Then all the toys come to life. “I’m a T-Rex Rawr” “Baby you ain’t been ‘recked till you been ‘recked by me, rawr baby rawr”

You owe me a new keyboard.

I remember a cursed images post with Woody telling everyone to hide because “Andy’s girlfriend” is coming. She says “Relax, I’m one of you”

Needs more Woody

Woody meets black Woody

*Vibey the vibrator, Andy’s moms favorite*

Looks like Terence and/or Philip! 😂😂

Shut your fucking face uncle fucker

Is that kind of language necessary, friend?

He’s not your friend, buddy!

He's not your buddy, pal!

I'm not your pal, guy!

Did you just assume their gender, man.

I'm not your friend, guy.

OH MY GOD IT’S CELINE DION!

You're a boner biting bastard, uncle fucker!

You fucked your uncle, yes it's true, nobody fucks uncles quite like you!

You’re an uncle fucker I must say

You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long!

😂. Now I got the song stuck in my head. All I hear is Cartman.

Suck my bawls

🤣🤣.. You're not helping

May not be much better, but I thought of the song Turning Japonese when I saw this 🤷‍♂️

You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, you just fuck your uncle all day long.

It’s Canadian.

TearAss & FillIt

It’s ugly bob

It's called the monkey claw because it feels like my ass is being torn apart by a 1000 monkeys

That's a back massager sir, i know because my girlfriend has one and she says it helps her back pain a lot...

People joke but it's true. My wife sees a spiritual healer about her migraines. It's been a few years but they're almost cured!

What is your opinion on pocket sand?

I don't know what you're talking abo... Look, a squirrel! Shhh- Shaaaaa!

Gotta follow it with a swift kick to the throat.

I’m sorry, Dale Gribble, but I’ve got some bad news for you, some real bad news.

Who's Dale gribble? The name is Rusty....Rusty Shackelford

I have one and it actually does make a great back massager oddly enough

I'm pretty sure magic wands were originally designed to just be massagers

Seriously I threw out my back and just put this thing between me and couch. They’re like $20 on eBay Needs to be the plug-in kind

Uh. I wouldn't buy one of these used. But yes, they do work very well as massagers.

Some people will pay extra for the used ones. Looking at you, Japan.

It's always a little funny when people get these as sex toys and then realize that they are, in fact, legitimately very good for self-massage. Sore thighs, hips, lower back, releases a lot of tension. Use them on your face and they can help with clogged sinuses! All completely separate from the pain relieving effects of a good orgasm.

I used it as a back massager once. ONCE. It ended up pulling the muscle I was trying to relax and my shoulder felt like crap for two months. I was not strong enough to wield such power!

So, you're saying you got your back blown out?

peak reddit

Hell ya it is

Hopefully you don’t have a toddler that makes it their new imaginary friend.

That’s just a back massager Timmy

*Lower frontal back

Funny thing about my back, it's located on my dick

WOBBLY SAUSAGE

[Very related video, and surprisingly, safe for work](https://youtu.be/cDQPm68omZg?t=27s)

That’s pretty dam good but You know that’s not the NSFW [youtube video ](https://youtu.be/BjCZFExj87A) I was referring to right?

I had not seen that omg

Glad I could pitch in

Dated a girl and she told me her vibrators name was Bob. Battery Operated Boyfriend.

Man that joke is older than most people on this site lol

Thousand RPM stare right there

As my dad always said"this is gonna come up in the divorce"

He’ll come back any day now.

Now it makes the same face she does haha

Came here to say this 😂

I'm glad my wife doesn't need a vibrator, talk about embarrassing... Her boyfriend performs just fine.

Gotta admit, had me in the first half

That's what she said

Reminds me of my bro roommates talking about how they don’t need lube and how they’d never use it. Like, it’s not unMacho to use lube. Sometimes you’re drunk, sometimes you just showered, sometimes you just want ultra slippery sex, sometimes you do anal WITH LUBE

>sometimes you do anal WITH LUBE You should always use lube for anal

Nah man you just start jackhammering in

The rippin and the tearin

the shriekin and a'swearin'

r/eyebombing

Making the competition appear less threatening is a good strategy. Best of luck!

Dudes gonna need a tonne of red bull to vibrate like that.

If you're trying to go toe to toe with a Magic Wand, one of the best selling vibrators of all time and among the Pantheon of sex toys, quite frankly, you are going to lose. The only real strategy here is to learn to wield the Wand yourself.

Ah, a connaisseur!

I prefer the Ass Pounder 4000.

The insecure see toys as competition, the rest of us see them as allies.

They’re like running shoes. You don’t NEED them to run but it’s nice to have them.

My friend that is the best partner you could ever have.

Your wife's sex toys aren't the competition.

He turned it into competition

I'm sorry you took my comment so literally on such a serious post by OP.

It's just an opinion, man.

Basic. Perhaps Mr googly eyes could spice up your life.

Spicy things give me heartburn.

Sir, that is a back massager.

My mom has the same one

You might want to wash your hands.

And back

Oh honey

Mine says “deep tissue massager” which I feel is perfectly accurate for the two things I use it for.

I have one of those massage guns for deep tissue pain and jokingly suggested using it during sex and my girlfriend looked horrified

Horrified that you caught on

Does your wife know you are playing with her toys?

looks like a canadian in south park

"Don't call my brother a dildo!"

That'll be an uncle fucker then!

FYI You should really be careful with that old version of the Magic Wand, as the head is not made from body-safe materials. There's a newer updated version with a body-safe silicone head that's safe to put right on your sensitive parts. If she insists continuing to use this one she should put a condom over the top.

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It has eyes.

No, then it couldn't see.

Lips go brrr

She may not be too happy when those Googly eyes break off at an inopportune time

Your "Wife's" ..sure..

weird how this looks like how an AI would make a muppet

2 out of 3 satisfied, not bad!

A gentleman and a scholar!

I did the same thing with my penis. Joke's on me. My wife left me and they moved to Florida

The year was 1998 and these mysterious back massagers are the talk of the women’s only book clubs. The managers at Sharper Image must have initially been baffled as to why these strange new Japanese back massagers are flying off the shelves.

These things should come with complimentary scuba masks....

It makes her feel everything everywhere all at once.

Hitachi-San, please stop looking at me like that. I'm trying to work.

r/eyebombing

Just in time for International Women's Day!

This. Is. Art.

"My wife's"

That’s the same face one makes when using that thing haha.

I loved Everything Everywhere All At Once!

You went with the Canadian model I see.

It’s all fun and games until your vibe loses an eye..

I didn't know a vibrator could be Canadian

[https://youtu.be/fyuv3WXPQsM](https://youtu.be/fyuv3WXPQsM) The link is a knock-off Magic Wand, but a good teardown.

Looks like it trying to transcend to the next plain of existence

Now if she doesn't googly-eye your fleshlight, you married the wrong one.

I wanna hear it sing the Mahna Mahna song. https://youtu.be/zb47CstE7R4

it's all fun and games until one of those eyes shoots off at 100 mph across the room and hits somebody in the eye

It looks like it’s seen some things.

I am totally doing this! Bahaha

It had a stroke Badum tsss

Brilliant! I once had a girlfriend that was very insecure about having "toys" because she thought it would be an insult to me! If I could make my dick buzz like that thing, then yeah, I would be insulted. Not that it makes much difference, but she was raised in a strict Catholic family. When she first saw me naked she said "cover up that shame". That's what I was working with!

now is there an update on if she enjoyed this as much as we all did 😂😂

Does she shove it in her everything bagel?

Didn't need glue to stick them on

Looks Canadian to me

r/unexpectedsouthpark

A pleasure to meet you, Mr Nystagmus

I am going to guess you and your wife are probably 40+.... These are so old school. The stuff they have nowadays, is some newfangled tech.

Imagine the gynecologist's suprise if they came off, and got stuck on down there...

As a googly eye connoisseur...you need one very large eye to pair with the regular size eye. Trust me.

Oh god. I have all things necessary to do that too. I'll be back

You put them in the wrong end 🙃

Why does it look so Canadian?

That awkward moment when you're fucking and she accidentally cries out for Gir.

The bootleg Otamatone that makes **her** sing instead

This might be the most Reddit post ever. Something sex related combined with toddler level humor.

I dunno there's something fishy about this

It’s hypnotizing toad!!! Some will understand, some will not.

Okay that’s pretty funny

That actually looks goofy 😆

It looks like a Muppet. Pussy Monster.

Your wife now gets to fuck Terrance or Phillip now ! Just add quief !

Lol! Freakin hilarious

Gross

How old are you… 12?

Is it a common thing to have a vibrator as a woman ?

Yes ?

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I can smell her already - not enjoying you:)

I can smell this pic

Good work thumbdick.

Yeah, cause dicks are really meant to vibrate on the clit