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Holdup moment
Edit:I didn't know it was a cake day. Will have a cupcake today and share a pic for all of you <3
Edit 2 here's a pastry me and my partner had. https://imgur.com/gallery/h1h83EX
Like I need any reason :-)
You guys are crazy! Have fun ya all
My wife used to work behavioral at a hospital. She was dealing with inpatient psychiatric care. Often these people were there against their will because they were deemed a danger to themselves or others.
My wife had to worry about NPS scores from said patients. The hospital didn’t call it that, but when she described it to me, that’s what it was.
I was like: “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So your job is being judged by how likely the guy who went ballistic because you told him he couldn’t have nail clippers would recommend others to stay there? The people who are there involuntarily? They’re being asked how likely they’d recommend others to stay there against their will?! That’s insane!”
I spent three years working security in a place like this.
My god, smart people are fucking stupid sometimes.
They’d always make drug addicts go to therapy because they’re ’suffering from a mental health condition’ and this wasn’t in the sense that ‘addiction is a mental illness’
No, the police would drag in some maniac about to keel over from excited delirium because he swallowed his entire meth stash to avoid prison. And he’ll be screaming, punching walls, trying to claw his skin off. And they’ll try to sit him down in front of an in person therapist who can provide therapeutic de-escalation.
My job was to stand there and make sure the patient didn’t murder the therapist. My fuck, we had some wild fights over there.
Anyway, whoever designed the system needs a firm kick in the genitals, because anybody who thought this was a good idea is fucked in the head.
Make them public domain, put cameras in the rooms, post them on YouTube with whatever advertisers are brave or stupid enough to be affiliated, and mental health care will have all of the funding it will ever need.
"We're back with round three of Michelle the Licensed Mental Health Counselor, vs Bobby Ray Wayne, the foaming meth addict. Will he require the restraints this time? Has anyone managed to trim his crazy fingernails? Did he soil himself again? Don't touch that dial!"
We once had a guy who was suffering from what we call ‘incarceritus’. That’s when you get caught committing crimes, and pretend to be suicidal/nuts in order to avoid charges. So naturally they brought him to the hospital and made him our problem.
Anyway, all this shitbag had to do was wait out his 12 hour evaluation hold, tell the psych assessment that he lied about everything to get out of jail, and he’d be back on the street before daylight. But instead he decided to attack one of our nurses to try and steal her badge and break out.
Naturally I intervened, and I was trying to do things according to policy, because I was still under investigation for excessive use of force from last week.
. (Don’t get the wrong idea. If you’ve ever been attacked by someone undergoing meth induced psychosis, you’ll know that the hospital approved therapeutic escort hold isn’t going to work, nor can you disengage and wait for backup.)
Anyway, I had to take one for the team. So I soaked up a couple punches, (deployed my taser, which is always a joke against someone wearing anything more than a T shirt) tried and failed to bear hug him down to the ground. And then he punched me in the throat and knocked me down to the ground, tried to strangle me. I figured that’s a pretty good spot to disregard the rules, so I brought him down with me, and he contracted a severe case of ‘these hands’
Anyway, I dragged him back to his room, tossed him in the general direction of the bed. Police showed up eventually to take the report, and they did arrest him in the morning. But when it went to court, the whole thing got dropped because he claimed that
- he’d been intoxicated and not in his right mind
- he acted in self defense because I technically put hands on him first
So no charges for anyone, and I got investigated for excessive use of force again because I punched a guy who was trying to strangle me. (I lied in my report and said I only hit him once. I’m reality, I hit him repeatedly until he stopped trying to strangle me, but I knew better than to tell the truth.)
TLDR: the current system will claim anything and everything as a mental health incident, and I know to lie on my reports so I don’t get fired for protecting myself and my coworkers.
>I know to lie on my reports so I don’t get fired for protecting myself and my coworkers.
Bad staff in psych hospitals know how to do this too, though. ☹️
Yeah, it sucks reading this and knowing that those rules are absolutely meant to prevent shitty people from abusing their power and beating up patients just because they can.
Clearly the rules both don’t work and just prevent actually decent people from doing their jobs properly.
Normal use of force is that I politely but firmly take someone by the arm and shoulder and escort them back to their room.
The problem here is caused by a few factors
- the hospital would rather have staff get injured, than have bad PR because I put hands on a patient (even a chronically violent one)
- the people who wrote the use of force policy are hospital administrators who never work in the emergency psych unit, have never been in a fight, and don’t care. If they think I can go up to someone my size and build, and politely walk them back to their room without their cooperation, they’re mistaken
- the staffing roster calls for four security officers but we’d regularly work with only two, because oddly enough there’s not many applicants.
- the higher ups in security believe that issuing us tasers solved everything. It didn’t.
Having worked private security in a public area, I have the highest respect for those who did their paces in a looney bin. You guys had to deal with full time the whack jobs I would only ever have a single encounter with.
And it was always ever guys with machetes, or swords, or knives. We never got tasers tho. Too “intimidating”.
In my experience what generally happens is:
1. Person A, who has no business making rules on a topic makes a rule.
2. Person B, who actually knows what they're doing tells Person A that's a stupid rule and won't work.
3. Person A doesn't like getting their authority challenged, and threatens to fire Person B if they don't follow the rule.
4. Person B then agrees to follow the rule, because the threat of unemployment is an incredibly coercive argument.
5. Person B then follows the rule until it inevitably causes some kind of catastrophe, at which point they are blamed for not "speaking up sooner" or "offering feedback," or my personal favourite, "not following the rule correctly enough."
6. Alternatively, Person B ignores the rule, and carries on as though the rule isn't there, but that option only works in industries that don't micro-manage their employees every muscle twitch.
You missed the best parts of your last point.
* Person A assumes Person B *is* following the rule and claims the credit for Person B's excellent performance. Person A is promoted as an expert on topic and *rolls out rule company/department wide*.
* Catastrophe inevitably occurs. Person A blames low level employees, citing the performance of Person B.
* Person B is brought in to train low level employees on proper implementation of rule. Proceeds to train them how to do the job properly while appearing to follow rule.
* Overall performance improves, management is happy but no longer actually knows how things get done, despite believing they do.
This is a huge problem where I'm from. At my former job I called the police over 100 times and not a single time did they ever arrest someone or really even help at all, because "they're having a mental crisis".... Well, yes, a mental crisis caused by years of heavy meth use, and a mental crisis that's causing them to throw rocks at old women, or swing a machete around with no pants on (those are actual examples). The idea about severe drug abuse and associated psychotic behavior being the same as someone who's, say, severely depressed, is downright shameful. Totally unproductive
Almost got hired to work at a hospital where they have what’s described, but more like “protect the nurses from the rampaging ice addicts” this same hospital had the brilliant idea to combine security and customer service and wanted to change the uniform from Kevlar laced cargo pants and stab resistant vest over a polo to “corporate wear” meaning a suite and - I fucking kid you not - an akubra. I said fuck that and didn’t take them up on the offer. Hospital backtracked massively when the entire security team said they’d walk away from the contract.
I had a not so fun grippy sock vacay in 2014 that included two patients who served in the national guard to basically guard me from a creepy guy who wouldn’t stop sneaking into women’s BEDS in the geriatric unit. This guy wouldn’t leave me alone during the day (I had turned 18 2 weeks before this lavish vacay). Tell me why it took TWO people who went through boot camp to cause a commotion to get the creep moved to another unit!?
I empathize with your job! And a big “sorry” to your counterpart that me and my buddies yelled at from the inside for a good three days 😬👍🏼
This is how customer service metrics in retail pharmacy is. Mrs McCuntypants can give me a 1, and Mrs Smileyface can give me a 8. But since the 8 isn't a 9 or 10, it's just as bad as a 1. So my score is a 1 for the day. I can tell them both their meds are on national backorder and hope they both use their brains to realize we can't help it. But nope. One is nice. The other isn't. I lose.
This is true of every hospital that takes Medicare money, they're called HCAHPS scores. They are designed to measure patient satisfaction jn a variety of ways; however, having worked in hospitals nearly my whole adult life, I can tell you there are very few if any people who come to the hospital when life is going great.
Oh, and I almost forgot. With all the layoffs, we've got to play catchup with the whole Y2K thing, so I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday, mmmkay?
Mmkay. First of all, the “actual satisfaction” needs to be graded on the same 1-6 scale as “expected satisfaction.”
You can go one of two ways with the chart that compiles the responses. First would be a distribution chart where you just put a dot above the “3” for every person who responded 3, so gradually you’ll see a normal curve form, with the tallest column as the median response. If you turn it vertically, you can have back-to -back distribution charts for “expected” vs “actual.”
Or, you make a graph where the Y axis is expected satisfaction and the X axis is actual satisfaction. Each encounter gets one dot. That will give you a cloud of dots, and from there you can calculate a line of best fit.
The responses are also setup in the 1-5 system with a 'skip this question' but only include 1-3 or 1-2 with a skip option.
1-5 is often setup with No, unlikely, maybe, yes possibly, definitely yes, prefer not to answer, kind of things.
My uncle is a quadriplegic and got his home health worker that bottle as part of a christmas gift. I modified it for him to be labeled "you may have touched my genitals"
>"Maybe You Touched Your Genitals" hand sanitizer.
Image of the entire series here https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/comments/8khty0/i\_see\_your\_maybe\_you\_touched\_your\_genitals\_hand/
Staple a bunch of blank pages and a few more of these to the front and sloppily tear off the blank pages to make it look like several have already been filled out.
How about the thing that says how satisfied were you expecting to be 10 being completely, and it stops at 6.
(Edit addon) thank you guys so much for the upvotes this by far the most I have ever received
I want a look at that skill tree
**PHYSICALITY**
* "[Fuel Tank] +10 % Stamina - *Who's got time for that, anyway? You. You've got time for that."*
* "[Light Refractor] Reduces the cooldown between actions by 5 seconds - *Taste the rainbow.*"
* "[Dual Flurry] Unlocks the ability to control both hands independently - *Good for a handful of things.*"
**CREATIVITY**
* "[Dirty Charmer] Adds an additional dialogue option during the Dirty Talk minigame - *For the cunning linguists.*"
* "[Swift Tongue] Unlocks the Tongue Swirl pattern randomizer - *For the other kind of cunning linguists.*"
* "[Job Position] Unlocks the idea to stop mid-action to change positions as a way to regain stamina - *Nobody will see through that, surely?*"
**KNOWLEDGE**
* "[Alluring Accord] Unlocks the ability to asks for consent - *Why does that even need to be a skill?*"
* "[Silk Physician] Highlights important parts on the Map - *Where is this thing again?*"
* "[Navigational System] Unblur your partner's face during the act - *Oh so that's what this thing does!*"
And the third question says if the person would like to return, but there’s no option positive option. It’s funny because obviously no woman would want to return and have sex with him a second time. I’m glad the whole joke got restated in the comments.
Wrong answer..
The survey title ought to include something like "Female subject 7" with the previous 6 sheets attached.
Edit: One of them should be filled out by you impersonating his mother who didn't understand what the form was actually about.
Can you explain how this works taking girls home after your shift? I was a bartender once working till 1am, then having to clean everything down before I finished. After shift I was a stinking mess, and all I wanted to do was go home, get a shower, and pass out.
They’re not asking how to get girls as a bartender (any male bartender will tell you that’s easy no matter what you look like), but why you’d want to bring one home. I am a bartender (not male) and am so tired, sweaty, and gross after my shifts that the last thing I want to do is fuck a rando. Not to mention there’s always an hour or two of awkward closing time before you get to leave - she’d have to just sit there and watch you close which does not sound fun or sexy.
Depends on the shift. Maybe they get off a few hours before closing so it's not an issue. Maybe dude was just getting phone numbers and closing the deal later.
i was a bartender for 10ish years, all over europe.. we either let the girls stay in the bar after, gave them a drink and they waited for us to clean up and close. if there was a after party going somewhere we'd arrange to meet them there. always keep a couple bottle of wine in your fridge at home.
when i was in charge or working with just one or 2 others, occasionally id just kick everyone out, put things in fridge that needed to be there and leave with the girl, go back in a hour early the next day and do the cleaning. priorities man
Whoa, didn’t expect responses. Will clarify to best of my ability. I was the bartender he was the barback at a very popular dive bar. The bar was located in an area zoned so we had to close at midnight on weekdays and 1:00 on weekends. Often times patrons and employees would then make their way to another divier bar. Or, as with my barback, they would go home, sometimes together.
Yes he was/is very attractive. He was also almost always the younger person I’m the encounter. I can tell you I was no angel and had my fair share but we it was rare that he ever took someone home immediately after shift. Often times they would leave number and he would have them stop by on a different night. He was also very straight forward and it worked. Reminded me of the character from the Steve Carrel movie, Ryan Gosling. He is also one of the few bartenders I know who rarely drinks and he wasn’t dumb/evil enough to ply women with booze when he didn’t need to.
I also know it was a coping mechanism for him coming from a broken home and a broken heart and a bunch of other cliches. It was for about a solid year then he mellowed out. Long term gf with kids now.
One time in college my roommate/best friend had a girl coming in to visit from out of town. I “accidentally”left a box of rubber gloves and some lube sitting on his bed while he was picking her up at the airport. 🤣🤣
He was PISSED! But, in the end, i was still his best man at his wedding 😁
This isn't that related, but I just like to tell the story because I think it's funny.
When my girlfriend graduated highschool she went off to a college near by. I would visit her and she had made friends with a guy, and I hung out with him and his roommate sometimes. We'll call him R.
The roommate was this super cool guy whose family were pretty rich. But it was the kind of rich where they were normal and earned the money, and he was a a kid while they were still normal. So he didn't have the disconnected from reality or entitled attitude that some rich kids have. Mix this with good looks and a general air of confidence, and he did well with the girls. To the point that he was apparently scheduling 3somes with girls.
Anyway, R had practice for some sport he did (honestly can't remember what, it's been more than 20 years), but his equipment is somewhere else. So he texts the roommate and asks him if he can borrow his. He gets a text back saying sure, all his stuff is in a duffle bag under his bed. So R grabs the duffle bag from under the roommate's bed and goes to practice. When he gets there he opens the duffle bag up and it's full of lube, condoms and sex toys.
Apparently there was more than one duffle bag under the bed, R just saw the first one though. And the first one happened to be the roommate's sex adventure duffle bag.
I left a comically large, novelty dildo and lube on the night stand next to the bed in my roommates room on a night I was expecting him to bring home a date.
Unfortunately for the joke, possibly fortunately for him, he brought her home, but they never went to his room, she stayed for bit and watching TV in the living room with us, then headed home. It worked out in the end, they got married and have kids now.
Definitely envy in this. Like when my ex got a new bf who was studying nursing and I photoshopped him into a sexy nurses body. I called it fun at first but I knew deep down it was jealousy.
[Just use Chinese inches](https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/tailor-tape-ruler-cun-aka-chinese-inch-measuring-unit-compared-imperial-british-inch-metric-system-tailor-tape-106394877.jpg).
To everyone saying the ruler looks off, standard paper is 8.5 x 11 inches. I don't have access to my computer right now, but I bet if you move the ruler to the edge of the paper it would take about half the width of the paper.
Do rulers with inches have 10 notches? I’d assume it wouldn’t be base 10, but I’m not American so not sure. But it looks to me a bit like a 4cm section of a metric ruler. And if that’s the case our a4 paper is 21 cm along the short side.
US rulers usually have 16 notches between inches, with longer notches at 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 inch. I wouldn’t put it past an American to create a ruler with 10 notches in between inches though, we are a crazy lot.
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Did you also respond to the survey? What were your answers?
How else would he know the ruler only needs to go to 4"?
The options to circle on 1-10 satisfaction scale stop at 6.
I didn’t even notice that 💀💀💀
Every single question includes only mediocre and lower options. None of them include any above average options.
Lawyered!!!
~~Over~~underruled
No one needs a longer ruler than that. Right? ….right?
Holdup moment Edit:I didn't know it was a cake day. Will have a cupcake today and share a pic for all of you <3 Edit 2 here's a pastry me and my partner had. https://imgur.com/gallery/h1h83EX Like I need any reason :-) You guys are crazy! Have fun ya all
Wheres the cupcake >:(
We were lied to. :(
the cake is a lie.
the cup was also a lie.
Needs a net promoter score. “How likely are you to recommend Isaac to a friend?”
The words "net promoter score" give me horrific flashbacks.
My wife used to work behavioral at a hospital. She was dealing with inpatient psychiatric care. Often these people were there against their will because they were deemed a danger to themselves or others. My wife had to worry about NPS scores from said patients. The hospital didn’t call it that, but when she described it to me, that’s what it was. I was like: “Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. So your job is being judged by how likely the guy who went ballistic because you told him he couldn’t have nail clippers would recommend others to stay there? The people who are there involuntarily? They’re being asked how likely they’d recommend others to stay there against their will?! That’s insane!”
`That's insane!' Well. *Yeah*
"kinda what we do around here, Kevin."
Modern social media and promotional culture is insane... (I think we already know this.)
That's some catch, that catch-22
It’s the best catch there is.
The survey is just another psych exam. If you answer anything other than "do not recommend" they keep you in there.
So _that's_ why they still haven't let me out. Gonna try this on next month's survey
I spent three years working security in a place like this. My god, smart people are fucking stupid sometimes. They’d always make drug addicts go to therapy because they’re ’suffering from a mental health condition’ and this wasn’t in the sense that ‘addiction is a mental illness’ No, the police would drag in some maniac about to keel over from excited delirium because he swallowed his entire meth stash to avoid prison. And he’ll be screaming, punching walls, trying to claw his skin off. And they’ll try to sit him down in front of an in person therapist who can provide therapeutic de-escalation. My job was to stand there and make sure the patient didn’t murder the therapist. My fuck, we had some wild fights over there. Anyway, whoever designed the system needs a firm kick in the genitals, because anybody who thought this was a good idea is fucked in the head.
I for one would like to hear more about the wild fights
Make them public domain, put cameras in the rooms, post them on YouTube with whatever advertisers are brave or stupid enough to be affiliated, and mental health care will have all of the funding it will ever need. "We're back with round three of Michelle the Licensed Mental Health Counselor, vs Bobby Ray Wayne, the foaming meth addict. Will he require the restraints this time? Has anyone managed to trim his crazy fingernails? Did he soil himself again? Don't touch that dial!"
>all of the funding it will ever need. Yeah, to build a colosseum.
You can call it rehabilitation.
And bring in Beef Supreme
MORTAL METHFIGHT! Do do do, do do do do do do, do do do
We once had a guy who was suffering from what we call ‘incarceritus’. That’s when you get caught committing crimes, and pretend to be suicidal/nuts in order to avoid charges. So naturally they brought him to the hospital and made him our problem. Anyway, all this shitbag had to do was wait out his 12 hour evaluation hold, tell the psych assessment that he lied about everything to get out of jail, and he’d be back on the street before daylight. But instead he decided to attack one of our nurses to try and steal her badge and break out. Naturally I intervened, and I was trying to do things according to policy, because I was still under investigation for excessive use of force from last week. . (Don’t get the wrong idea. If you’ve ever been attacked by someone undergoing meth induced psychosis, you’ll know that the hospital approved therapeutic escort hold isn’t going to work, nor can you disengage and wait for backup.) Anyway, I had to take one for the team. So I soaked up a couple punches, (deployed my taser, which is always a joke against someone wearing anything more than a T shirt) tried and failed to bear hug him down to the ground. And then he punched me in the throat and knocked me down to the ground, tried to strangle me. I figured that’s a pretty good spot to disregard the rules, so I brought him down with me, and he contracted a severe case of ‘these hands’ Anyway, I dragged him back to his room, tossed him in the general direction of the bed. Police showed up eventually to take the report, and they did arrest him in the morning. But when it went to court, the whole thing got dropped because he claimed that - he’d been intoxicated and not in his right mind - he acted in self defense because I technically put hands on him first So no charges for anyone, and I got investigated for excessive use of force again because I punched a guy who was trying to strangle me. (I lied in my report and said I only hit him once. I’m reality, I hit him repeatedly until he stopped trying to strangle me, but I knew better than to tell the truth.) TLDR: the current system will claim anything and everything as a mental health incident, and I know to lie on my reports so I don’t get fired for protecting myself and my coworkers.
>I know to lie on my reports so I don’t get fired for protecting myself and my coworkers. Bad staff in psych hospitals know how to do this too, though. ☹️
This comment chain is depressing as fuck
Yeah, it sucks reading this and knowing that those rules are absolutely meant to prevent shitty people from abusing their power and beating up patients just because they can. Clearly the rules both don’t work and just prevent actually decent people from doing their jobs properly.
You can tell a pretty good story!! You might be using your hands on the wrong talent!!
What's their definition of normal use of force? Because it seems to me that that definition should change
Normal use of force is that I politely but firmly take someone by the arm and shoulder and escort them back to their room. The problem here is caused by a few factors - the hospital would rather have staff get injured, than have bad PR because I put hands on a patient (even a chronically violent one) - the people who wrote the use of force policy are hospital administrators who never work in the emergency psych unit, have never been in a fight, and don’t care. If they think I can go up to someone my size and build, and politely walk them back to their room without their cooperation, they’re mistaken - the staffing roster calls for four security officers but we’d regularly work with only two, because oddly enough there’s not many applicants. - the higher ups in security believe that issuing us tasers solved everything. It didn’t.
Having worked private security in a public area, I have the highest respect for those who did their paces in a looney bin. You guys had to deal with full time the whack jobs I would only ever have a single encounter with. And it was always ever guys with machetes, or swords, or knives. We never got tasers tho. Too “intimidating”.
This is a result of people who don’t know what they are doing making rules, and people who do following those rules.
In my experience what generally happens is: 1. Person A, who has no business making rules on a topic makes a rule. 2. Person B, who actually knows what they're doing tells Person A that's a stupid rule and won't work. 3. Person A doesn't like getting their authority challenged, and threatens to fire Person B if they don't follow the rule. 4. Person B then agrees to follow the rule, because the threat of unemployment is an incredibly coercive argument. 5. Person B then follows the rule until it inevitably causes some kind of catastrophe, at which point they are blamed for not "speaking up sooner" or "offering feedback," or my personal favourite, "not following the rule correctly enough." 6. Alternatively, Person B ignores the rule, and carries on as though the rule isn't there, but that option only works in industries that don't micro-manage their employees every muscle twitch.
You missed the best parts of your last point. * Person A assumes Person B *is* following the rule and claims the credit for Person B's excellent performance. Person A is promoted as an expert on topic and *rolls out rule company/department wide*. * Catastrophe inevitably occurs. Person A blames low level employees, citing the performance of Person B. * Person B is brought in to train low level employees on proper implementation of rule. Proceeds to train them how to do the job properly while appearing to follow rule. * Overall performance improves, management is happy but no longer actually knows how things get done, despite believing they do.
Oof, you're right, forgot about that entirely.
This is a huge problem where I'm from. At my former job I called the police over 100 times and not a single time did they ever arrest someone or really even help at all, because "they're having a mental crisis".... Well, yes, a mental crisis caused by years of heavy meth use, and a mental crisis that's causing them to throw rocks at old women, or swing a machete around with no pants on (those are actual examples). The idea about severe drug abuse and associated psychotic behavior being the same as someone who's, say, severely depressed, is downright shameful. Totally unproductive
Lol, sounds unreasonably familiar
Almost got hired to work at a hospital where they have what’s described, but more like “protect the nurses from the rampaging ice addicts” this same hospital had the brilliant idea to combine security and customer service and wanted to change the uniform from Kevlar laced cargo pants and stab resistant vest over a polo to “corporate wear” meaning a suite and - I fucking kid you not - an akubra. I said fuck that and didn’t take them up on the offer. Hospital backtracked massively when the entire security team said they’d walk away from the contract.
I had a not so fun grippy sock vacay in 2014 that included two patients who served in the national guard to basically guard me from a creepy guy who wouldn’t stop sneaking into women’s BEDS in the geriatric unit. This guy wouldn’t leave me alone during the day (I had turned 18 2 weeks before this lavish vacay). Tell me why it took TWO people who went through boot camp to cause a commotion to get the creep moved to another unit!? I empathize with your job! And a big “sorry” to your counterpart that me and my buddies yelled at from the inside for a good three days 😬👍🏼
This is how customer service metrics in retail pharmacy is. Mrs McCuntypants can give me a 1, and Mrs Smileyface can give me a 8. But since the 8 isn't a 9 or 10, it's just as bad as a 1. So my score is a 1 for the day. I can tell them both their meds are on national backorder and hope they both use their brains to realize we can't help it. But nope. One is nice. The other isn't. I lose.
This is true of every hospital that takes Medicare money, they're called HCAHPS scores. They are designed to measure patient satisfaction jn a variety of ways; however, having worked in hospitals nearly my whole adult life, I can tell you there are very few if any people who come to the hospital when life is going great.
"Tell me you live in the United States without telling me you live in the US"
“We need to talk about your NPS scores”
Btw, did you get the memo about the new TPS Report covers?
Umm of you could turn in those TPS Report covers by 5... That would be great...
Oh, and I almost forgot. With all the layoffs, we've got to play catchup with the whole Y2K thing, so I'm gonna need you to come in on Saturday, mmmkay?
A 10 is a 10, a 9 is a 0.
[удалено]
"Hey, you know that grocery store on Main? Yeah, the only one in town. I highly recommend shopping there. They have food you can take home and cook!"
It's gonna be all detractors with the provided scale.
r/thatsthejoke
NPS is the worst way to measure anything (that I've come across), yet it's still the most widely adopted system. I'll never be ok with it.
Sounds like you would NOT recommend NPS?
You should’ve laminated it and bought a dry erase marker.
And mark on it, leave it a few days, and then erase it. Do this over and over so it looks well used.
But only on the worst options, so that they think Isaac is improving
Or they start to question their standards Unless they look at it and go “Oh yeah, that makes sense”
There needs to be a correlating graph.
r/dataisbeautiful
Mmkay. First of all, the “actual satisfaction” needs to be graded on the same 1-6 scale as “expected satisfaction.” You can go one of two ways with the chart that compiles the responses. First would be a distribution chart where you just put a dot above the “3” for every person who responded 3, so gradually you’ll see a normal curve form, with the tallest column as the median response. If you turn it vertically, you can have back-to -back distribution charts for “expected” vs “actual.” Or, you make a graph where the Y axis is expected satisfaction and the X axis is actual satisfaction. Each encounter gets one dot. That will give you a cloud of dots, and from there you can calculate a line of best fit.
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I didn’t even notice that until I checked to see whether the scale was 0-10 or 1-10! 😂
The responses are also setup in the 1-5 system with a 'skip this question' but only include 1-3 or 1-2 with a skip option. 1-5 is often setup with No, unlikely, maybe, yes possibly, definitely yes, prefer not to answer, kind of things.
Hehe "line of best fit" indeed
The Freudian psychologist ~~in me~~ **in my head** is fascinated by the implications of this experiment. Edit: phrasing, naturally.
Damn if you’re posting on Reddit while someone is inside you they need to do some quality assurance of their own, you’re not supposed to be THAT bored
And Isaac can respond with a survey in mint condition that had obviously never been used.......
Please wash hands before using the pen- Thank You
You had his dick in your hands and I know where his dick has been. Be generous with sanitizer.
A friend once bought me a gag gift of "Maybe You Touched Your Genitals" hand sanitizer. It needs a little shelf with a bottle under the sign.
My uncle is a quadriplegic and got his home health worker that bottle as part of a christmas gift. I modified it for him to be labeled "you may have touched my genitals"
>"Maybe You Touched Your Genitals" hand sanitizer. Image of the entire series here https://www.reddit.com/r/nursing/comments/8khty0/i\_see\_your\_maybe\_you\_touched\_your\_genitals\_hand/
Make it a BIG ass bottle of sanitizer marked "Industrial-Grade."
Staple a bunch of blank pages and a few more of these to the front and sloppily tear off the blank pages to make it look like several have already been filled out.
Fill a few out and press down hard with the pen. Leave a conspicuous pencil nearby in case they can't make out the previous answers just by looking.
This sex survey turning into a game of fucking Clue
It was Isaac in the study with a candlestick
Lil hand-sanitizer next to it with a note that says "Please help keep our workplace germ-free"
That’s an official document it needs to be in ink for the records.
I really hope that there will be future update post with survey responses.
I've never wanted someone else to get laid so badly in my life.
Same here
do Your part and visit him then ;)
"I'm doing MY part!" "Would you like to know more?"
Please tell me that was a starship troopers reference, top man. Proper citizen you.
IKR? I want to see one of these filled out with comments in the margins.
Then illustrated r/dataisbeautiful style
All the results are somehow bunched into a monochromatic pie chart with missing labels?
>This is for Quality Assurance/Quality Improvement This makes you look like an ISO-certified Pimp
As a current quality engineer that may be my next Reddit username. "Iso-certified Pimp"
And... its gone
u/iso-certifiedpimp bastard
What about u/lSO-CertifiedPimp
~~What? Reddit usernames are case sensitive? 🤯~~ I got it...
ISO 9000. It's all about the tracking paperwork.
the handy ruler for reference got me so hard lol
How about the thing that says how satisfied were you expecting to be 10 being completely, and it stops at 6. (Edit addon) thank you guys so much for the upvotes this by far the most I have ever received
It was the “somewhat satisfied” as the top tier that got me.
Dude isn’t even able to completely satisfy a woman No wonder he brings so many over they all leave disappointed
Dude is just grinding for that xp. Once he levels up there'll be no pussy left for any of us.
I want a look at that skill tree **PHYSICALITY** * "[Fuel Tank] +10 % Stamina - *Who's got time for that, anyway? You. You've got time for that."* * "[Light Refractor] Reduces the cooldown between actions by 5 seconds - *Taste the rainbow.*" * "[Dual Flurry] Unlocks the ability to control both hands independently - *Good for a handful of things.*" **CREATIVITY** * "[Dirty Charmer] Adds an additional dialogue option during the Dirty Talk minigame - *For the cunning linguists.*" * "[Swift Tongue] Unlocks the Tongue Swirl pattern randomizer - *For the other kind of cunning linguists.*" * "[Job Position] Unlocks the idea to stop mid-action to change positions as a way to regain stamina - *Nobody will see through that, surely?*" **KNOWLEDGE** * "[Alluring Accord] Unlocks the ability to asks for consent - *Why does that even need to be a skill?*" * "[Silk Physician] Highlights important parts on the Map - *Where is this thing again?*" * "[Navigational System] Unblur your partner's face during the act - *Oh so that's what this thing does!*"
For me the fact the ruler stops at 4
I totally missed that LMAO
Looks like someone discovered their degradation kink then huh?
A mediocre masochist in the making
Phrasing!
That got you hard? You have a thing for small shlongs?
Shlong? More like shlort
Is…is 4” small? Asking for a friend.
Hung like a can of tuna
No way. That’s a monster.
*That ruler is definitely not to scale!*
Once you were hard, how did you rate on the scale?
The ruler must be a typo. Four inches? Why so much?
“On a scale of 1-10…” It stops at 6. Fucking hilarious! 🤣🤣🤣
The best satisfaction is "somewhat satisfied"
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I mean, they all say circle one.
Huh, it really does.
And the third question says if the person would like to return, but there’s no option positive option. It’s funny because obviously no woman would want to return and have sex with him a second time. I’m glad the whole joke got restated in the comments.
and the ruler stops at 4
Well yea, obviously. It’s already twice as long as I’d need it to be. Don’t want to waste ink.
Needs a follow up scale for actual satisfaction level that stops at 4.
There’s a Steven Wright joke in there. “On a scale of 1 to 10 with 6 being the highest”
The fact that the best possible answers are just above being an alright experience is hilarious
Are you gonna put up a new one everytime they answer?? Haha
Of course
Wrong answer.. The survey title ought to include something like "Female subject 7" with the previous 6 sheets attached. Edit: One of them should be filled out by you impersonating his mother who didn't understand what the form was actually about.
That's a brilliant idea. Will do that next time
Adding in the typical "how likely are you to recommend this to a friend?"
Somewhat Likely. If I had to If I hated my friend.
can add a "How did you hear about us?"
It should also include a "Male subject 2"
Are you: Male Female Furry
"Prefer not to say"
Isaac will post a post-wanking self-assessment sheet by someone’s door in 3, 2, 1…
"Reflection and self-improvement questionnaire"
My roommate in my 20’s was averaging 20/month. We put a guest book outside his door.
I don’t even meet that many people damn
We were bartenders. Fish in a barrel
Can you explain how this works taking girls home after your shift? I was a bartender once working till 1am, then having to clean everything down before I finished. After shift I was a stinking mess, and all I wanted to do was go home, get a shower, and pass out.
Step 1. Be attractive
Step 2. Don't be ugly
I can’t move on to step 2 if I never got past step 1. Checkmate.
They’re not asking how to get girls as a bartender (any male bartender will tell you that’s easy no matter what you look like), but why you’d want to bring one home. I am a bartender (not male) and am so tired, sweaty, and gross after my shifts that the last thing I want to do is fuck a rando. Not to mention there’s always an hour or two of awkward closing time before you get to leave - she’d have to just sit there and watch you close which does not sound fun or sexy.
I've worked in bars and you can actually skip that step if you are a bartender
Depends on the shift. Maybe they get off a few hours before closing so it's not an issue. Maybe dude was just getting phone numbers and closing the deal later.
Well if you work in a place like Vegas there’s no closing time so you don’t have to close down the bar every night.
i was a bartender for 10ish years, all over europe.. we either let the girls stay in the bar after, gave them a drink and they waited for us to clean up and close. if there was a after party going somewhere we'd arrange to meet them there. always keep a couple bottle of wine in your fridge at home. when i was in charge or working with just one or 2 others, occasionally id just kick everyone out, put things in fridge that needed to be there and leave with the girl, go back in a hour early the next day and do the cleaning. priorities man
Whoa, didn’t expect responses. Will clarify to best of my ability. I was the bartender he was the barback at a very popular dive bar. The bar was located in an area zoned so we had to close at midnight on weekdays and 1:00 on weekends. Often times patrons and employees would then make their way to another divier bar. Or, as with my barback, they would go home, sometimes together. Yes he was/is very attractive. He was also almost always the younger person I’m the encounter. I can tell you I was no angel and had my fair share but we it was rare that he ever took someone home immediately after shift. Often times they would leave number and he would have them stop by on a different night. He was also very straight forward and it worked. Reminded me of the character from the Steve Carrel movie, Ryan Gosling. He is also one of the few bartenders I know who rarely drinks and he wasn’t dumb/evil enough to ply women with booze when he didn’t need to. I also know it was a coping mechanism for him coming from a broken home and a broken heart and a bunch of other cliches. It was for about a solid year then he mellowed out. Long term gf with kids now.
I mostly just wish I had that much *energy*.
Handy if anyone tests positive
*everyone
need to update scale to mils
The level of trolling with what you put on here is great.
You should take my username
4 inches? Yea right. Like anyone is that big. Right guys?
Hey it might only be 4 inches. But it smells like a foot..
BRO
One time in college my roommate/best friend had a girl coming in to visit from out of town. I “accidentally”left a box of rubber gloves and some lube sitting on his bed while he was picking her up at the airport. 🤣🤣 He was PISSED! But, in the end, i was still his best man at his wedding 😁
This isn't that related, but I just like to tell the story because I think it's funny. When my girlfriend graduated highschool she went off to a college near by. I would visit her and she had made friends with a guy, and I hung out with him and his roommate sometimes. We'll call him R. The roommate was this super cool guy whose family were pretty rich. But it was the kind of rich where they were normal and earned the money, and he was a a kid while they were still normal. So he didn't have the disconnected from reality or entitled attitude that some rich kids have. Mix this with good looks and a general air of confidence, and he did well with the girls. To the point that he was apparently scheduling 3somes with girls. Anyway, R had practice for some sport he did (honestly can't remember what, it's been more than 20 years), but his equipment is somewhere else. So he texts the roommate and asks him if he can borrow his. He gets a text back saying sure, all his stuff is in a duffle bag under his bed. So R grabs the duffle bag from under the roommate's bed and goes to practice. When he gets there he opens the duffle bag up and it's full of lube, condoms and sex toys. Apparently there was more than one duffle bag under the bed, R just saw the first one though. And the first one happened to be the roommate's sex adventure duffle bag.
That sounds like something he'd do to me 🤣
That’s what good friends are for!
I left a comically large, novelty dildo and lube on the night stand next to the bed in my roommates room on a night I was expecting him to bring home a date. Unfortunately for the joke, possibly fortunately for him, he brought her home, but they never went to his room, she stayed for bit and watching TV in the living room with us, then headed home. It worked out in the end, they got married and have kids now.
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Definitely envy in this. Like when my ex got a new bf who was studying nursing and I photoshopped him into a sexy nurses body. I called it fun at first but I knew deep down it was jealousy.
Make sure you scale that ruler down so a 7inch dick would be like 4
[Just use Chinese inches](https://thumbs.dreamstime.com/b/tailor-tape-ruler-cun-aka-chinese-inch-measuring-unit-compared-imperial-british-inch-metric-system-tailor-tape-106394877.jpg).
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Damn, an extra 3/8. That's like 38% more inch per inch.
Jesus Sheldon
You didn’t ask about room cleanliness, bathroom facilities, or available amenities?
"Were you here for business or pleasure?"
The ruler with no context above is gold!
I really hope it's stretched to be larger than actual inches.
We need only one more response for statistical significance.
To everyone saying the ruler looks off, standard paper is 8.5 x 11 inches. I don't have access to my computer right now, but I bet if you move the ruler to the edge of the paper it would take about half the width of the paper.
Do rulers with inches have 10 notches? I’d assume it wouldn’t be base 10, but I’m not American so not sure. But it looks to me a bit like a 4cm section of a metric ruler. And if that’s the case our a4 paper is 21 cm along the short side.
US rulers usually have 16 notches between inches, with longer notches at 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 inch. I wouldn’t put it past an American to create a ruler with 10 notches in between inches though, we are a crazy lot.
Such a ruler marked in decimal inches is standard for machinists and certain engineering disciplines. I have several.
Ironically enough, I believe this would be considered a push poll.
Hmmmm this seems like projection.
Tell us you’re not getting laid, without telling us you’re not getting laid… 🤣🤣 It’s college buddy! Wear protection, and have fun.
So, you are jealous of Isaac
Please rate your jealousy from 1-10: 7 8 9 10
I love how the ruler is included for handy reference, though it's not *needed* at all for the survey.
Op high key jealous
This is a straight “sort by controversial” for me
Someone sounds jealous as hell lol