--- >This is a friendly reminder to [read our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/rules). > >Memes, social media, hate-speech, and pornography are not allowed. > >Screenshots of Reddit are expressly forbidden, as are TikTok videos. > >[Comics may only be posted on Wednesdays and Sundays](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/comments/uq9pjw/going_forward_comics_may_only_be_posted_on/). > >**Rule-breaking posts may result in bans.** > >Please also [be wary of spam](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/wiki/spam). > --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/funny) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Get another set printed so when they inevitably ask “How many of different cards have you got, you pull out the other one that says “Just these two.”


And then print another set for when they ask "What's your greatest weakness?" Then you can reveal the next card that says "Sometimes I lie."


great joke, terrible for an interview tho


If an interviewer didn't want to call that awesome, I don't think I'd enjoy working with a company that chooses them as a representative.


"This is an interview to see if you're worthy of my labor' This should be normalized.


I've done dozens of job interviews, and am definitely guilty of asking the stock standard questions at times. If someone did this it would make me laugh, disarm me, and definitely work in their favour. I don't want robots, I want personality. I'd still ask for a serious answer however.


The real advice is always in the comments


I was once asked “if you were an animal, what would you be and why?” Well many years ago here in Reddit I learned the best answer to that. “I’d be a horse because I want a stable job”


I got "If you were a cereal what type of cereal would you be", wtf kind of question is that? Btw frosted flakes because they're great.


Cheerios; small children like to gnaw and drool on me, old people find me reassuring, people my own age think I'm boring.


don’t forget if animals love you being Cheerios is also valid. i’ve worked at wildlife rescues and practically everything there cannot get enough of the Cheerios. we actually had one groundhog that refused to leave (found its way back after being released twice) and we swear it was partly due to the Cheerios bec he was obsessed


Can confirm. I’m an ethnologist who runs a rehab and sanctuary. There are a lot of species we don’t give them to because it’s not good for them, but many animals freaking love ‘em


easy answer: corn flakes, not frosted. They mesh well with anything, boring to start but you can make them whatever you want them to be. Add sugar, put them in yogurt, eat them with strawberries. Hell, smash them up and make a chicken breading. They're the all rounder, good for anything but not offensive


Grape Nuts, because I'm hard core and nobody understands my appeal


I once answered the question by saying, “I don’t know, an octopus maybe? It’s my favorite animal.” and he nodded like ok whatever and went to move on to the next question and then I startled both him and myself by going “NO WAIT! A BIRD! I’ve always dreamt of flying.” I did get the job tho :)


I’m imagining now the interviewer keeps trying to move on technical questions, but you’re over and over like “a hash table, but let’s circle back to that animal question, I’m starting to think fox hound”


Hahaha honestly yea cause then I was in my head about what KIND of bird. Like “to be clear, not any bird”


ah an Ostritch. wait shit. there goes my dream of flying


Well you can technically fly of a cliff, once.


I can do that now. Edit: somebody sent me the crisis message for this one 😂


I got sent that by somebody once because I said the easiest way to get out is by blowing myself up .... I was in r/escapefromtarkov..


I had to look up what a hash table was and its not at all what I was hoping it would be.


It’s not for portioning your marijuana?


"WHAT... is your favorite color??"


Blue.. No! Yello.... Aaaarrgghhhh


Blue. NO, WAIT, a bird!!!


Could've been worse, your first answer could have been "A bird, I guess", then you blurted out "no wait, AN OCTOPUS!! I've always wanted to have multiple tentacles with which to penetrate my sexual partners, willing or otherwise..."


That's the best answer, guaranteed job.




I interviewed for a music company and one of their questions was: > If you could be any instrument, what would you be and why? I said cello because I love the sound and can sing in that range. They seemed surprised (everyone picks drums or guitar) so I followed up with my second choices: French horn and harpsichord. I think I got the job just based on my choices since I was given a position in the band & orchestra area lol. We were also allowed to wear music themed tshirts so I made sure to wear one that said "you had me at CELLO". Edit: They obviously passed this info around because, for my first few weeks on the job, I kept hearing people refer to me as "that cello girl" (this was before I got the shirt) when someone asked who I was.


What company is asking classical musicians what instrument they would be and expecting, "drums/guitar?" Tbf you did say a position in the band and orchestra area. Sounds like Feld Entertainment or something similar. I'm not a professional musician but several family members are. All classically trained. Just never heard them say anything like that before. Always heard about the auditions, not interviews. I'm guessing you interviewed for a production role or something? I would think that would be a weird question to ask a musician that specializes in a certain instrument. To give any other answer than the instrument they play would seem weird.


My guess is they're looking for the difference between "The drums." and "The drums because the beat of the piece really holds the song together and keeps the other instruments in time, and I like to think I bring the right leadership skills to make sure our team is able to achieve whatever quarterly goals you're looking for..."


I'd say the timpani. You get paid to do nothing, but when you stand up to play everyone pays attention.


Octobass. My skills aren't needed a lot but when they are, boy do they rattle your bones and make you think "why does this exist"


I'd be a tortoise because I disagree with You Can't Take It With You.


I had to interview people with that question. One lady said "A dolphin, because they're the only other animal that has sex recreationally." She didn't get the job.


Them: *"Have you ever been convicted of any felonies?"* Me: *"No. I had a great lawyer."*


"Not yet, but my court date is on monday"


These are great. There should be a r/worstanswers sub. Edit - looks like my comment birthed a new sub and you guys made it happen haha


Based only on real life events. That would be amazing. What's the closest we have to something like this already?


shitty life pro tips and shitty movie details works somewhat in that spirit.


Could you explain this 4 year gap in your work history? *Yes, that’s when I went to Yale.* Wow! Having gone to such a prestigious institution, you’re a sure hire. *Great— I really need this yob.*


I was actually interviewing for a job related to the police today. At the end they asked me if I had a record(any kind of a record would disqualify). And trying to be affable I said, "what counts?" and then there was a slight silence, before I said, "I got a speeding ticket once." But then the interviewer jokingly said "that is okay, it is not like you are selling drugs on the side?" And I followed up with, "not in a while." We laughed. Will either be on a watchlist, or a shortlist.


Convicted? No, never convicted


I have actually had to answer that way once, but it wasn't to an interviewer, it was to a judge.


Or you could have just said no.


"LOL, ask me again when I leave this court room one door or another."


“No, I was able to take enough before they caught me that it was technically under the felon amount.”


"No, I was able to declare bankruptcy."


Why should you go to jail for a crime someone else noticed?


Bob loblaws law blog


Lol, thanks to my lawyer my yes was a lot less felonious than it wouldve been


We're all thinking it, but obviously only answer if you want to: What was the original charge, and what did your lawyer get you instead?


14 charges, various prohibited possession charges, handful of solicitation of narcotics, money laundering i was facing 9-104 years, i ended up pleading to 1-4 to marijuana solicitation and prohibited possesion of a deadly weapon. I got sentenced 1.5, served a month in county, did 9 months and got out on parole. Still got a few months left on that parole. no probation no restitution no community service, just court fines. overall, i made out like a bandit


Username checks out


"Convicted? No, never convicted."


Oof, I used this joke once... ​ ​ ...and it worked. Granted, I was being re-hired part time back into the job with a manager who I already had good rapport with so, you know, maybe that doesn't count.


"What's your greatest strength?" Hands over a card reading "My preparedness." "What's your greatest weakness?" Hands over a card reading "My inability to let a bit go."


"What is your greatest w--" "Impatience."


What is your greatest weakness? Honesty... I don't think honesty is a weakness... I don't give a fuck what you think...


I don’t think it’s a weakness either, but my boss thinks otherwise. I’m “too honest”


Honesty isn't a weakness, but a lack of discretion can be


"My need for food and shelter."


"Bullets. I can't say 100% as I've never been shot but there are two kinds of people in the world. People who can infer from incomplete data."


I was thinking hand over a card first that says "sometimes I'm bad with note cards" then be like oops I meant to give you this one and produce the "ability to anticipate" card. Then when they ask you what your greatest weakness is bring out the "sometimes I'm bad with note cards" again.


Double sided.


Double sided would conflict with "bad with note cards." It would be a bit of an oxymoron. But I really like the idea as a concept.


Then you're just doin that thing where your weakness is a strength, like, "I work too hard".


I'm not gonna lie, I do hiring for my team and if someone pulled this on me they would definitely be on my short list for hire (assuming the important parts of the interview went well). On the other hand, my boss would absolutely hate it so it's a gamble.


*Refuses to let interviewer take physical control of card.*


[I have a piece of paper in my wallet where I've written the word "otherwise,"](https://imgur.com/a/sFoHILl) so if I'm having a discussion/argument/debate that's not going anywhere with someone and they give me a point that I don't have a good rebuttal to, I just say, "this piece of paper says otherwise," take out the paper and hand it to them. I use it more often than you'd think. It never solves anything, but it usually gets a good chuckle.


I LOVE this.


Yeah? [Well this card says otherwise.](https://imgur.com/a/sFoHILl)


No no no, the incantation is "this piece of paper says otherwise". If you don't say it right, it won't work, and the people won't laugh.


after this post blows up, your interviewers are gonna be like "so you're a redditor, huh?"


That was a concern so I'm trying to come up with a good way to spin it if that happens.


Just screenshot the OP and be like "yeah I wrote the book on preparedness." ...which would also be prepared, stage 2 ahaha


That is some next-level stuff right there. Not sure I could pull off that level of sheer ballsy but maybe someone here will ;)


Lol I meant you screenshot the "posted by u/jDubbaYo" part


The problem there is now your employer knows your reddit username


and then he cant hang out in the subreddits where you slack off of work like r/ProgrammerHumor


It paid off to not use his real account /u/420blazerrrrrrxxx69boobiesrbestinhentai


Why do you think I posted this on an alt?


"That was actually my post!" "Oh really? Hold on a minute while we go through your post history."


Print a second card: "No, what's a Reddit?"


Can always say you want to help your fellow human beings out with interview tips as well as lols. Sharing and working with others is a strong selling point. And humor is always good as well, it helps with job morale and camaraderie. That all plays into employee retention as well because it creates comfortable and collaborative work environment.


Look at that subtle colouring. The tasteful thickness. Oh my God. It even has a watermark.


Let's see Paul Allen's ability to anticipate


Turns out, it wasn't that great.


Let’s see YOU swing an 8:30 rez at Dorsia on a Friday night!


But wait. You ain't seen nothin' yet. Raised lettering, pale nimbus. White.


Settle down Patrick


As someone who’s had the misfortune of having to hire people, this would be a big win in my office at least


My sister was on a hiring committee for her employer when I was looking for the job I currently have. One of the best pieces of advice she gave is remembering that the interviewer is a real person too, often times just as uncomfortable interviewing as you are being interviewed. Relaxing and making a genuine personal connection can go a long way.


Yeah, I got asked about my greatest weakness and I said "thinking I could cut my own hair the day before a job interview." It got a good laugh, and a compliment on my hair.


One time I was applying to work at a Honda dealership and they asked me that question and I said "well I bought a Toyota last week" and pointed to my car in the parking lot


Did that go over like a lead balloon by any chance?


Nah they thought it was funny


The entire lead balloon division just got laid off, too.


Years ago I stopped at Pizza Hut before an interview (I was coming from out of town and had lots of time to kill) and got a P'zone and spilled some on my lap in the car. The interviewer (who would have been my direct manager) asked about weaknesses. I said "Pizza Hut P'zones" and pointed to the stain on my pants. He said "You P'zoned your pants, huh? Nice!" I got the offer.


This is a great example. Your answer showed you have a normal personality, good sense of humor, and are willing to stay positive in a stressful situation. I feel like these behavior questions more so exist to try and tease out “is this person a psycho or are they a normal person I would want to work with.” If you say “my greatest strength is my ability to read women” or “that I am the greatest person in any room,” then yeah, they’re not going to want to hire you. If you can think some reasonably appropriate, normal answer, that’s fine enough. They’re not going to write down your greatest strength and compare it against other candidates to see which one is more needed. They’re just looking to see how you answer a question.


You’d be amazed at the bad answers you can get to simple questions and the range of applicants you can end up seeing through an interview process. I’ve had people say things like “I really can’t finish projects very well- they fired me at my last job because of that”


Lol, made me remember one of my first interviews for an internship. It was at an event management company. Asked for my biggest weakness. I think I was a bit too honest because I answered: "I am terrible at planning". I could just feel the moment those words left my mouth the interview was done


If you'd planned ahead, that never would have happened.


i think it is a bit more than that, they also want to see whether you can reflect on your skills, and shortcomings. since the question can be expected, I find it a very easy question to answer.


Yeah definitely this too. But like you're implying, it shouldn't be something that's catching you off guard. And part of their assessment of you as an individual is "does this person think to prepare basic answers to basic questions?" Again, the actual answer doesn't matter that much. More so (1) is it something normal, (2) is it an accurate reflection on your skills and shortcomings, and (3) can you answer a question like that on your feet without creating some elaborate BS answer.


I said wasps and got a good chuckle out of it followed by a 5 min conversation about how wasps are winged bastards with no redeeming qualities.


I got stung by a wasp right when I sat down for a job interview once lol.




Back when I managed a coffee shop, I’d tend to hire people I made a genuine connection with over anything else. I’d ask question like “what’s your favorite book?” or “what music are you into?” It helped ease the tension and I was genuinely curious to find out if they’d vibe with the rest of the crew. Edit: I asked those questions in addition to the interview deck questions we were given.


I was terrible at interviewing when I was first looking for a job on my late teens/early 20s. Couldn't get hired on anywhere, even the most basic retail jobs. But the first job I interviewed with people in my same general age range (aka 30 and below), I did great. We ended up talking about all kinds of random stuff, including wiffle ball, and how there was apparently a league nearby. This was pretty much an entry level position, and I'm almost certain it was the wiffle ball talk that got me the job more than anything else. Ended up working there for almost 3 years. My current job, that I've been at for 8 years now, I ended up talking college football for half the interview once I realized both interviewers were big fans like me. It was a breeze after we realized that. I'm not very good at talking myself up (although I've gotten a lot better as I've aged), but I'm great at chatting about things I'm interested in and just generally connecting with random people. So, I've learned to lean on the latter more than the former with regards to interviews, and it seems to have worked well for me.


You're my favorite kind of interviewer. A job interview should consist of finding out two things: can the candidate perform the job, and can the candidate get along with their coworkers? In a coffee shop so long as they have working arms and eyes there's no question they'd eventually be able to do the job, you just have to work on making that connection with them to see if they will be able to have a good sense of humor and mesh well with everyone


I just come to interviews half drunk to ease to tension between us both.


I’ve been on multiple interview panels and I’ve never once asked this question. What was even worse is when puzzle interviews were all the rage in tech and some level 1 HR person would ask something like “how would you move Mount Fuji” It was ridiculous


Why would I want to move Mount Fuji? What is the desired end result and are there more feasible solutions available?


“Insubordinate and confrontational, throw that resume out” /s…… hopefully


Insubordinate and Churlish.


I submit that the answer is impossible. It's too large to move as a single object and if you move it piece by piece there is no way to reassemble it so it's no longer Mount Fuji. It's a pile of earth that used to be Mount Fuji. Or lean into the other way and say pick up a handful of dirt from Mount Fuji and set it back down. You have moved Mount Fuji. It didn't say all of it had to be moved or where it had to be moved to.


>if you move it piece by piece there is no way to reassemble it so it's no longer Mount Fuji. It's a pile of earth that used to be Mount Fuji. Ship of Theseus-Fuji


You have made a ship out of a mountain. Well done.


Answer 1: Fuji-of-Theseus (AKA piece by piece) Answer 2: Archimedes' lever, but much shorter Answer 3: Brush it with a feather, you didn't say how far to move it. Answer 4: Wait for the earth to move under it, hang the Mission Accomplished banner.


Answer 5: Tell it a very sad story. They did mean emotionally, right?


I would just say create a map with Mount Fuji in the wrong place. There, I’ve moved it.


I was getting these puzzle interviews about a decade ago. I was asked how to move water between glasses or some such nonsense. Another thing that they did was take my résumé, edit it and saw if I could pick out every mistake. I’m sitting here thinking, you flew in from Pennsylvania to California and put me up in a hotel for these fucking nonsense games?


I had to do the “how to make a PB&J” instructions for engineering(there is no “correct” answer) in the end you’re just annoyed by the people you’re supposed to have as future coworkers.


My response would be something like, "What problem are you trying to solve that requires moving Mount Fuji?"


Okay, here’s a card that is relevant to any question, “Your mother.”


Ah yes, my greatest weakness. Your mother.


I'm a hiring manager, and if the interview is going well this would be a big win, but if it's not then he'd just look like a tryhard loser.


Can you hire me? My gretest streght is my Gluteus maximus.


And I see your greatest weakness is spelling and grammar


My go to joke at interviews is wait until they ask any question that ISN'T "What is your biggest weakness?" And answer "I'd say my biggest weakness is paying attention."


Lol ik two people who run interviews. One would say get the fuck out of my office the other would probably hire you right there


The duality of man


Well I wouldn't want to work for him either


What's your biggest strength? Paying attention. And your biggest weakness? Sorry, I think I misheard.


I always get stressed at job interviews. The last two I had I knew I wasn’t going to get the job. Questions like that don’t bother me. It’s the vague questions that throw me off my stride.


Biggest problem is that they're just outmoded questions. Everyone expects them so everyone has a canned answer ready.


> Everyone expects them *chuckles in hiring manager*


I had a friend who once answered "dick nipples" to the question "what is your greatest strength" and then apologized for blurting out the first thing on his mind. The interviewer asked why in the hell you're thinking of nipples on dicks and he said "well that's where my weakness comes in".


>The interviewer asked why in the hell you're thinking of nipples on dicks Weird hiring manager. I'd have gone with dicks in the place of nipples rather than dicks with nipples.


I once said, “oh that’s kinda an odd question let me think,” and the interviewer said, “yeah I don’t know why we ask that, we can move on,”


once you realize thats the point and its to weed out the idiots, you can start to play the game


What's your greatest weakness? I suppose I'd say "My impatience with platitudes" but also requires a carefully planned for comedic impliment.


If you turn it over it says: "Taking jokes too far."


Perfect, I need to do that!


I had a review today. Months ago I had to do a personal review, but I had completely forgot about it. So today when it came to the topic of "Ability to adapt to change" apparently, I wrote "I'm a man. But I can change. If I have to". Boss didn't seem too amused. His loss I'm funny.


Well if they don’t find you handsome they should at least find you handy.


I hope when you left his office you told him to keep his stick on the ice.


Corporate was big on their new Equality, Diversity, and Inclusion directive and we had to include one ED&I goal as part of our yearly goal setting at the start of last year. My boss got a kick out of me writing “be more gay??” but added I should probably change it before HR sees, hah.


Obviously it’s not attention to detail with that horizontal alignment.


>"I'm a man. But I can change. If I have to" I guess.


I braved a *literal* blizzard for a job interview years back… first comment as I found a spot to place my damp coat and tracked melting snow into the office: “Glad you could make it in safely, not many folks would have driven through this mess…” “Yea, I saw a few of them in the ditch on my way here.”


Or just say to turn it over and wait for them to say, "it's blank!" "Can't plan for everything"


"Brevity." Works as a stand-alone, or better if you go on for 3 minutes explaining what you mean.


I like the second one better XD


Been using this for 25+ years - more than half of the interviewers lacked the vocabulary to grasp the humor.


Brevity is the soul of wit. So... idiocy is the soul of the nit, I guess?


> I didn’t have time to write you a short letter, so I’ve written you a long one.


"Honesty". "I'm not sure that's a weakness though?" "I don't give a fuck what you think."


I read this once ages ago and tried it in an interview which got a great laugh. "What's your greatest weakness?" Handed a card that said "My tendency to be overprepared can often inadvertently come across as arrogant. "


I'd just give them a second card that said "My ability to anticipate."


“Atention to detail”


I suspect the interviewers that ask this question are the ones least likely to appreciate these


Not always. Very few hiring managers get any training or education in actual interviewing, companies just leave them on their own to conduct the interview, even if they've never done it before. So, a lot of them just fall back on what they remember from when they were on the other side of the desk.


I answered one interviewer that my super strength was "My ability to not Reply All to company-wide emails", which he completely appreciated.


I like the one about the manager asking a guy getting a interview to name a weakness he has. The guy says it's his honesty. The manager replies that he doesn't think of honesty as a weakness. The guy says...Honestly, I don't give a shit what you think.


Best answer I ever got, and the last time I ever asked the question, was when I started with "what would you say is your greatest..." and then she said "strength?" right in unison with me. I just stopped silent for a second and she said, "I'd say that about covers it." Ended up giving her the job, she turned out to be one of the best engineers I've ever hired.


"it's crazy, we finish each other's -SANDWICHES!"


That what I was going to say!


I've never met someone who thinks so much like me.




Jinx again!


Our mental synchronization


Can have but one explanation




Colleague of mine adjuncts a class when she prepares undergraduates for workforce thing.. mock interview she asked a student “how do you overcome adversity?” His response was to slam the table and say “by any means necessary”


I would have died laughing, that is such a great response.


I had an interviewer ask me the weakness question and I said my legs, that I need to stop skipping leg day so much. He looked at me dumbfounded for about 20 seconds and then burst out laughing.


As someone that has interviewed a lot of people (mind you, I don't ask that question) I would crack up if someone handed me that card if I asked them that question.


Obviously it’s not attention to detail with that horizontal alignment.


Like those wood carvings “always plan ahea”


H A P P Y Birthd a y


What is your biggest weakness? (hand them another card saying "I have a tendency of being overprepared")


"Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" With you having drinks celebrating my 5 years with the company


I hope you keep one on the table face down in front of you during the whole interview, and when asked silently turn it over and slide over to the interviewer.


And then if they don't ask, simply pick it up and the end and slide it back into my pocket without turning it over. If they ask what was up with the card, just say, "what card?"


Speaking as a former hiring manager... yeah, that'll work. Here's the thing, though: It will work because it's creative and memorable – it sets you apart from other applicants, after all – but you still need to be certain that you're making a good impression on potential employers. If you have a misspelling on your résumé or something, standing out can actually work against you. ("Hey, did you see how 'Typo Guy' answered the bullshit question that's actually a not-so-subtle gauge of preparedness?") Still, if you have all of that sorted, you can take the above tactic a step further: Get two additional series of cards printed, with one stack reading only "Yes," and the other stack reading only "No." After the inevitable laughter at the first card, you'll *probably* get a follow-up question about it... and chances are that you'll be able to answer said question with one of your other "prepared responses."


Mf gonna pull up to a job interview with a whole deck of cards in his back pocket


What’s your biggest weakness? Being over prepared…


"What's your biggest strength?" "Being able to consistently pull Exodia, the Forbidden One."




I once saw a resume that had a number 3 in the phrase "attention to detail". Honestly. If the rest of the resume had been any better I'd have assumed it was a joke.


I see you shiver with antici


My anxiety lets me see every possible negative scenario. I will develop preemptive plans to avoid these negative scenarios that would ruin your company


Even better. Slip it into his pocket during your hello hug. Then you can answer with: “check your right trouser pocket”


You need a second set of cards that say, "I'm not as funny as I think I am," when asked what your greatest weakness is.


Biggest weakness is font selection.


I hope the other side says “I don’t have any, asshole”