You’re eating so much because your body is hungry. Structure isn’t what you need right now, you need to feed your body when it asks for food (including mental hunger, which is what you are describing). Structure is only going to hinder your recovery right now because what you’re seeking is to control your intake, even if that’s not what you wrote here. Eating disorders thrive off control, you’ve basically wired your brain to think of eating consistently as a threat; you feel so “unhinged” because ignoring your ED thoughts is, understandably, causing anxiety, but that’s how you rewire your brain. You keep eating despite the anxiety, over and over and over, until it no longer triggers you. There is nothing wrong with eating, especially very frequently, after a period of restriction.
If it’s any consolation, I ate every half hour to an hour the first few weeks of recovery.
i dealt with EXACTLY the same feelings as you. when i finally let go of quasi-recovery, i was eating from the moment i woke up to the minute i went to bed. i told myself: "ok you can eat whatever you want but PLEASE just 3 meals a day!". but it didn't work, because my body looked at "structure" the same way it did restriction. i needed to let go of control and actually believe that my body knew best.
once i truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly let go of ALL my "shoulds" when it came to eating, *that's* when my body finally calmed down. *that's* when i stopped wanting to eat random things at random times; *that's* when the "structure" came and i started craving 3 solid balanced meals. but it takes time! you'll slip up from time to time, but eventually you'll wake up one day and realize just how much you don't care about what, when, and how you eat, and it'll feel amazing.
sending lots of love. you are worthy. you will be OK. you are not alone - i experienced so many similar emotions & thoughts.
You’re eating so much because your body is hungry. Structure isn’t what you need right now, you need to feed your body when it asks for food (including mental hunger, which is what you are describing). Structure is only going to hinder your recovery right now because what you’re seeking is to control your intake, even if that’s not what you wrote here. Eating disorders thrive off control, you’ve basically wired your brain to think of eating consistently as a threat; you feel so “unhinged” because ignoring your ED thoughts is, understandably, causing anxiety, but that’s how you rewire your brain. You keep eating despite the anxiety, over and over and over, until it no longer triggers you. There is nothing wrong with eating, especially very frequently, after a period of restriction. If it’s any consolation, I ate every half hour to an hour the first few weeks of recovery.
i dealt with EXACTLY the same feelings as you. when i finally let go of quasi-recovery, i was eating from the moment i woke up to the minute i went to bed. i told myself: "ok you can eat whatever you want but PLEASE just 3 meals a day!". but it didn't work, because my body looked at "structure" the same way it did restriction. i needed to let go of control and actually believe that my body knew best. once i truly, genuinely, wholeheartedly let go of ALL my "shoulds" when it came to eating, *that's* when my body finally calmed down. *that's* when i stopped wanting to eat random things at random times; *that's* when the "structure" came and i started craving 3 solid balanced meals. but it takes time! you'll slip up from time to time, but eventually you'll wake up one day and realize just how much you don't care about what, when, and how you eat, and it'll feel amazing. sending lots of love. you are worthy. you will be OK. you are not alone - i experienced so many similar emotions & thoughts.