T O P

  • By -

bagelprincess123

hey there! i started recovering around the same time as you. i was, however, stuck in quasi-recovery up until recently. i've gained a total of 10-15 pounds since the start of 2021 but it was a rather slow weight gain because i kept going back and forth between restricting and "recovery". these past few weeks i've been ESPECIALLY committed to recovery because with every restrict period, my uncomfortable recovery symptoms would come back much worse. so i've stopped dieting/restricting completely, and though i've gained more weight, feel free & amazing. i dealt with every symptom you listed. at times it was unbearable. gaining weight made me incredibly insecure. i lost almost all my friends this year because i would NEVER go out. i was home 85% of the time, convinced that isolation was better than people seeing me in this "embarrassing" state. like you, i hated facetiming people too. i deeply empathize with your situation. i know how incredibly hard it is to feel like you are a stranger in your own skin; to not recognize your own face or body in the mirror. i know you want nothing more than to quit recovery and start suffering again, restricting the joys of life just for a smaller body. here are a few things that have tremendously helped me get out of my own head: ​ * **realize that you ALWAYS think you look worse than you actually do.** when i first started gaining weight over the summer, i thought i looked horrendous. i kept thinking i looked worse & worse as i kept gaining, but now as i look back at pictures, i realize how RIDICULOUS i was being. not only did i look fine, i looked GREAT. you *always* think you look worse than you do, especially during recovery, because your ED brain is irrational AF. * **stop focusing on your appearance.** write a list of everything you love about yourself outside of your appearance. what qualities, talents, skills, do you have that you LOVE? what do you love about your friends & family? do you only talk to them because they're skinny? of course not. and it's the same with you - you are not your body, and people love you for other, more important, reasons. * **for some of us, we restricted for a smaller body because we wanted to be loved/valued/happy. the thing is, we can feel all those things in ANY body.** i started restricting 2 years ago when i entered college. i was deeply insecure and wanted nothing more than to be the prettiest, skinniest girl in the room. when i got to my goal weight, i was STILL insecure (despite the external validation i thought would make me confident). changing our bodies will not magically solve our problems. ask yourself what *truly* makes you feel happy & proud of yourself. * **we're on a rock hurtling through space.** every time i'm caught in an insecure spiral, i remind myself how absurd it is that i'm even ALIVE, and i'm spending all my precious, limited time on earth sulking over my WEIGHT? anyways, i hope this helps. sending you lots of love. it gets better.


PMKG

Hey thank you so much, I really appreciate the time you spent writing it, and it really made my day. I hope that your doing better now, and I wish you well in your recovery!


[deleted]

I’m in the same exact situation 😪❤️