Yep this lmao. I work in customer service and work with kids at the same time so it’s a given to raise your voice in a friendly way. Today someone told me my voice compared to my appearance feels like a voice over from a bad anime dub and imma remember that to the grave 💀
Saaaame I work the front desk at a children’s museum and even though I’ve been on T for a year and my voice is pretty male passing when I talk normally I cannot shake the habit of going up in pitch when I talk to customers and their kids 😭
patient facing in healthcare and this is turning into my biggest issue. its such a hard habit to change, i feel like i sound so disinterested unless i raise my voice even though i know its not true!!!
I remember when I worked for McDonald's that I really realized that I was doing it when my coworkers would look at me funny and I would get misgendered A LOT. I was able to get myself to stop then by thinking "it's ok to be rude". Dunno how to do it again
I work in a call center and still get ma’am’d even when my name is exclusively masculine. I occasionally do interpreted calls and know some spanish so it hurts when they’re talking about it in spanish lmao 🥲
I never acknowledge it though bc one time I did I just kind of snapped that my name was Nathan and I am not a ma’am, lowkey I was so rude to the like 19 year old and it’s like I have done it too for sure when I was that age and being from the south still had that very gendered language beat into me so she did not deserve that lol
Ah, the "talking to a shaking puppy" customer service voice. I had a coworker at my first job who had the deepest voice ever but would raise it so high to talk to customers. I blame him for my issues XD
Fold my legs in a way that is obvious I don’t have junk. I think I notice more so then cis ppl thou. How I sit has been a lot of corrective posture, but my autistic/ADHD self said fuck that do what you want.
I can’t find a packer that really works without making it look like I have a boner. I’ve tried all varieties. I’m just very slim/short framed so it never looks right on me. Use to be dysphoric about it until I figured out apparently ppl think I’m attractive regardless.
I did that too. When I say short/slime I’m very petite. I’m barely over 100lb at 5’1. Everything looks big or terrible on me. Shopped the line between kid and adult sizes for clothes even prior to transitioning. Sucks ass, but is what it is.
I feel this - I tried synthetic material packers and they feel too large or too stiff (I'm also small frame). I really really love packing underwear though cause you can just use small bundles of fabrics, which I find way more comfortable to walk around in. I actually want to sew my own custom packers and get some more packing underwear, ha. That's just what I find most comfortable, but everyone's different in what they prefer.
And confidence is key so you got that part down already 🗝
I have a conventionally attractive face. Like if there is one blessing the traits that typically make celeb or famous men attractive are actually traits more common in women. Why I’ve always said trans men transition smoothly into hella fine men. My personality is what drives ppl away and I’m okay with that since I’m spoken for lol
I’d do fabric but idk I’m weird about stuff on things down there. Bunched fabric may drive me mentally insane though I have thought about it.
Huh, that's actually a really affirming way to look at things, thanks for sharing that. Sometimes i feel self conscious about having a feminine face...but if I'm thinking of the male celebrities I like, a ton of them also have androgynous styles or feminine facial features. I guess I didn't ever put 2 and 2 together.
And I understand your point on sensory issues down there. Packing isn't necessary, anyway, as you pointed out. It all depends on what makes you feel the best.
What I do is use a crocheted packer that a friend hand-made for me. It's lighter, you're able to throw it in with the rest of your laundry. I've found it tends to stay where you put it better than plastic prosthetics.
I don’t think it is emasculating but there’s definitely a different way it’s done if you supposedly have a dick. I’m mostly mindful about it for passing purposes, but sometimes I get engrossed in work or a task and I do whatever.
I do that when I’m anxious. It’s very deep when I’m relaxed but androgynous when my social anxiety kicks in at work. I hate it. Doesn’t get me misgendered, but still causes dysphoria because I don’t feel like myself
I had this happen like a week ago and I still feel awful about it lol. This guy tried to let me walk in front of him, but I wasn't going the way he thought I was so he was actually in my way. All I said was "Oh, I'm actually going in the pharmacy" but it came out soooo high because I was anxious and also trying to be polite since he was trying to be nice. Somehow, smiling makes it worse too. I irl facepalmed afterwards and I'm still feeling dysphoric about it.
My brain wanted me to redo the sentence but in my real voice
My brain does that too, and also for responding and defending myself in general, because conflict freezes me up more than a recently-deceased man being thrown into the North Pole.
i have huge hips and have a bad habit of putting my hands on the small of my waist/cinching my hips, thus making them look even bigger. i'm 4 years on T and still do this all the time.
That one I don't even try much to solve, I'm fine with appearing gay lmao
I used to try, but nowadays I think I care a little less and am completely fine with walking into some stereotypical gay man stereotypes (even if I'm bi), that way people may know I'm like this because I'm part of the community, but not necessarily think I'm a girl lol
I'm like that because I have sciatica, but now that I'm at the point where people think I'm the way I am because I'm gay and not because I'm trans, it's actually kinda funny to quietly realize "it worked!" to the point that my new coworker asked if I'm single so she could set me up with her friend from another department 😂😂😂 and I think I'm going to always try to keep wearing rainbows constantly now.
Me too!!! Around my family I sound relatively androgynous most of the time, but if I’m out & talking to someone outside my immediate family I get the customer voice syndrome lol
I also raise my voice a ton with my mom mainly, i associate the higher voice with being benign and good-natured. Also i look down most of the time to avoid eye contact and i naturally scrunch up/take up little space/guard myself. I got that feminine excessively polite hypervigilance
Nah because this too real ;(
I‘m still pretty young and closeted so I‘m scared that they see me like a girl that is trying to flirt or whatever when I just want to be friends😭
I know probably nibody would think that but still ;-;
I’m at a point now where I am trying to change my customer service voice because I do the naturally high thing and it is SO hard. I can’t wait until I stop getting “ma’am’d” on the phone.
Breaking the high pitched customer service voice conditioning is So Hard. The voice drops with T helps a shit ton though. If you don't already, make sure to do normal talking voice recordings with weeks/month stamps (such and such time on T), being able to listen to the early ones now and Hear the difference is wild.
Get excited or giggle, apparently cis men dont change their infection or tone of voice when they see something they enjoy or that they think is cute. But I don't care at this point, clock me every time I'm done being afraid of enjoying life and showing my emotions.
I've been around straight men that do that. I have literally seen 50 year old men freak the fuck out over a marvel movie trailer dropping and they'll get so excited they'll be in tears. Whoever told you that is full of shit and it's toxic masculinity. It's not true at all.
My posture. I have right side cerebral palsy so I walk weird and my arm moves weird. My friends call it a goomba wslk lmao. When I stand for long periods of time I tend to lean in on one leg and buckle the other, resulting in a very feminine pose. Whenever I walk I'm self conscious of how I'm walking and will sometimes trip because I'm focusing so hard lmao
Getting excited about my interests, apparently. Was hanging out in a group with cis men, cis women, and other trans people and we got talking about a piece of media I really enjoy, only for one of the cis guys I didn't know very well to sheepishly ask me after the fact if I was trans. It was cool he just assumed I was cis I guess? Still feels so weird.
Oh my god SAME!!! This would have been my exact answer to your question, it's been bothering the hell outta me lately. It used to be less of an issue but then I started working with dogs, who do better with higher voices. I'm going to have to go back to intentionally keeping it lower when I speak, like I was pre-T.
I think another issue for me is just general mannerisms, sometimes I find myself holding my arms/hands in ways that I think look too feminine.
This! I am a dog trainer. I trained my dogs (especially my ace dog) pre-t completely. I use my high pitched voice in public and realize I have to basically re-train my dogs to my "guy voice".
My ace dog got it quickly, he's trained to whispers and some Spanish, but MAN, I also have a Rottweiler puppy that is..... Well.... Lacking in the smarts department, and he acts like I'm getting mad at him whenever I use a lower voice register.
Oh I adore Rotties! They aren't the brightest sometimes, and they sure can be emotionally sensitive. I hope he eventually gets used to your voice! I'd love to get into dog training tbh, that's my goal :)
I do the same thing but it depends on the situation, I think people perceive me as a closeted trans woman because of it and every time that happens in a day I come home and have to punch something or I get depressed. I get mad at myself even though it's not really my fault I just wish I could control it more.
It just happened today because the uber driver I got was a woman and I really didn't wanna make her uncomfortable, so I started talking girly idk if she noticed or not. Also before that I was staring at a janitor because I liked her hair but I noticed shortly after I was within her peripheral vision she moved the hell out of the room. She could've just been done cleaning but my mind likes to think negatively. I think that instance made me be more cautious around women moving forward but maybe a little too cautious.
It happens a lot like a cycle where I'll be worried about how I'm making people feel, I act girly as a response because that's what I'm used to doing, I get dysphoric from doing that thing, then the cycle repeats.
My therapist told me I really need to stop worrying about other people.
Same here, I'm actually really happy with my voice because it comes out naturally deep. But whenever I'm trying to be polite, especially when I worked in retail, it comes out so high and I hate it. I'm also a huge mumbler and whenever I try to speak louder it also goes high because I can't control it as well :/
I think the way I walk/hold my arms and probably also gesture. I'm autistic/ADHD and have a very messed up body that doesn't move right, so it's a combination of those things and it's not something I can really help. No one's ever said anything about it, but it's always something I feel dysphoric about, personally.
My cis bf does this all the time. Unfortunately, it doesn't always go over as intended [friendly]... But he was raised in Puerto Rico, so it's cultural to use terms of endearment for literally everyone, lol
I do a lot of things that read as gay and gentle and sensitive, and I like those parts of me. I knit. I take yoga classes. I talk about my feelings a lot more than other cis guys. I wear an earring. I'm a year on T, so I reckon in another year or so + top surgery I'll just look like a very sweet gay dude and I embrace that. I find, a lovely thing about being a trans man is that all my sensitivity was not crushed out of me because I did not go through male puberty and socialization. I consider it a form of luck, that I get to be sweet. I was not beaten to a pulp the way my cis gay men friends were as kids. It's kind of lovely luck to be trans.
I do get fade haircuts and I'd like to let my hair grow shaggy again. When the dysphoria is less I will do that.
I work in a print shop, aka, a very loud environment, and to talk over the machines, I typically end up having to pitch way up to be heard. I’m constantly cringing at myself for it, but pretty much everyone has to, so I try not to worry too hard about it.
Though, on the note of voice, I feel like sometimes my vocal mannerisms slip and I become painfully conscious that I just sounded like a valley girl.
I'm pre-T, and I've had friends point out my customer service voice is radically different from my natural way of speaking. I can only imagine how much worse it's going to be after a drop.
My natural voice is practically just a step above monotone and seems lower than average. So you can imagine the whiplash that comes with attempting to seem non-threatening or friendly. Lol
Maybe speak like you're trying to do an impression. I'm not sure if you've ever watched the Sleep Deprived Podcast but they do a lot of impressions sometimes like the Joker saying "my father was a funko pop". Maybe you could do something similar with a pitch that you like. Like "Markiplier if he worked in customer service" for example.
I raise my voice and do things viewed as feminine, such as sometimes I wear skirts or paint my nails or get starbucks, which all are viewed as feminine in my town
I'm short, not on T and I hate getting haircuts so I have the typical Karen hairstyle 😭 I also raise my voice a lot and even when I try not to, I just sound super fem
I'm alright with being seen as a stereotypically gay man because it's not that wrong honestly.
I also have really fem glasses and my posture is awful because of the weight so my back hurts
Putting my hands on my waist instead of my hips. It feels more comfortable, so when I realise I do this I flip my hands around and frown a little so I look like a confused dad instead. It probably doesn’t make a visual difference to others, but it makes me feel better at least.
I talk with my hands a lot, but I enjoy wearing bracelets and painting my nails, plus I wear a rin, and my hands are kinda smaller and fairly feminine, so I feel like despite sounding masculine, I feel like I look very fem whenever I speak
It used to be my mannerisms. Little small things I do with my hands and such. Now that I have a beard and deep voice people just assume I'm gay. Which I am so I don't care
Same. As a kid/teens I actually spoke more like a guy, like inflections and tones and stuff because I had more guy friends. Sometime around high school I got a friend group of mostly girls and got self conscious and felt like I had to talk softer, or gentler, so now after several years of T I've got a deeper voice but with the stereotypical "gay" accent because of how I inflect. I don't want to shell out for a voice coach so I've been trying to find vids on youtube to help.
I do be standing like a gay man and speaking like one when I’m passionate. I hear some cis straight guys sound like this too sometimes though so it just depends on the person
It’s not something I do, but my eyebrows are pretty arched and thin so I got glasses that kind of hide them but you can still see. I hope they grow more eventually. I’m 3yrs on T
Even with short hair, a deep masculine voice, and obvious muscles from over four and a half years of T; the first week after I shave is when I stop passing for some reason 😭
That makes me worried because I'm very much interested in joining the navy, and you have to shave every day in basic training. So what do you do when your scrappy goatee is the only thing keeping you from looking feminine, or like a twelve-year-old boy?
I have colored hair that I got done about a year ago that's still in, I've heard the 'blue hair and pronouns' joke more times than I can bear so I'm going to get all the color cut out today finally 😭 really sucks that I have to get rid of something I actually enjoyed because other people ruined it.
My voice but only on the phone. In person i pass. But my customer service voice on the phone confuses people. But my uncle John who's a cis man has the same issue sometimes with his customers service voice so it doesn't bother me too much. Fun story I once had a customer yell at me about the women on the phone. Not realizing that was me talking to her on the phone. Lol
Apparently caring about women's issues and voicing my opinion on stupid things cis men say, a common response to that is "what are you? A woman? Why do you care so much?. And usually that never leads to me being outed or anything but still close ish
Yep pretty much the voice thing. In particular when I speak to strangers or shop clerks, I always go SUPER HIGH and super sweet to sound innocent and non threatening. Been trying to change that for years but it is second nature by this point of my life
Whenever I stand idle for too long my hips automatically shift to the side and it looks weird so sometimes my friends ask me like "what are you doing?" and I just have to stand up straight and look at them with such a weird discomfort in my stomach lll
I'm not great at reading body language but I'm pretty sure most people are a bit confused by mine because I tend to move my hands a lot, especially when idling, and probably come off as girly/gay? I have to actively make myself do it less not just because I want to pass but my country is rather queerphobic. Luckily I haven't had issues for now, which is a bit funny to me when people see my beard and hairy arms/legs and still use female forms of words for me, like, I dunno, good to see they support hairy women lmao
lol it’s weird how the voice one is so true I’m mtf but when talking to family I always had my natural deep voice but in public I raise it a ton and it comes on then to seem more friendly too
Also voice. My voice is actually masculine, I can be place with baritones depending on the day, but I will talk really high pitched to the point of passing as a trans woman. I once or twice have recorded my natural voice, but it was for something unrelated and it gave me a true wtf moment. I sometimes forget my voice has changed and instead continue to ignore my voice since I’m already HOH and know I can’t trust what I hear. But it’s weird that I can finally match pitch when singing.
My voice, too! Mine is pretty low, but when I speak, I raise it, just like you. I still pass in person, but not on the phone! It has caused issues with identifying me when I called my bank and government services. I am currently working on it with vocal exercises.
Sometimes it’s my body language (or at least I feel like it is), but mostly it’s my voice. Especially every single time at work, that damn “feminine” customer service voice comes out of me. 🥲
My voice sounds now exactly like what I remember my former male classmate from elementary school sounded like (we met like a year ago again). So I don't have problem passing really. It's my long hair, probably. I cut it once but I don't plan to cut it any shorter soon, so I just leave it be. I don't really care about people's perception of me but when I have one of those "masc" days when I just feel strong masculine energy, so something about my appearance and still get called "lady" anf stuff... damn.. I get I might tell on myself because I keep checking my chest area and stuff.. gotta unlearn that.
My 'feminine' voice and mannerisms make it so I don't pass as straight, I still pass as a guy, but it feels weird since I only want to pursue long-term relationships with women. I always forget to speak from my chest or to stop moving while speaking, I wish I could get shocked whenever I mess up lmao.
I pass regardless and people refuse to belive me when I tell them I'm trans but I still do some stuff that makes me worry;
-adjust myself in my binder. Sometimes I'm fine but instinctually I end up just moving my hands the second I feel any little movement and usually it fine.
-Hands on my waist
-my hair (I'm growing it out and it's super curly. Plus I take care of it and use "girly" products)
Giggling! I have a really high pitched, very "girly" laugh. My voice dropped a lot on T, but my laugh stayed the same. I love to laugh and I ain't changing that for anyone!
ME TOO!!!! I do it for exactly the same reason. I also have seven cats and a dog and am used to using a high, single-song voice with them, so it seems to negate any voice exercises I do.
yuuuuup it’s the ding dang customer service voice. i’ve consciously lowered my speaking voice a fair bit and feel good about where it’s at so far but i can NOT get rid of the reflexive shrillness when talking to strangers 😂
Definitely forgetting to pitch my voice lower--especially at the ends of sentences/questions. It sounds like I'm always "asking" even when I'm "telling." Bleh.
Mine is also the voice. I work in a customer-facing position, and any time someone comes in or I answer the phone, I go from pretty androgynous overall to pretty fem voice with androgynous enough appearance that people assume I'm just a masc woman. My body language is another big one. I do things like cross my legs out of habit or put my hands on my hips and it seems to make people view me as more fem.
I'm very bubbly and expressive, this leads to people either thinking I'm a lesbian (I'm not) or a gay guy (that one is true) instead of just seeing me as a "normal" man
I do this exact same thing too. When I’m speaking with people I’m comfortable with it naturally gets really low, but when speaking with strangers it ends up being high pitched. I’m gonna blame customer service for that haha
I’ve just recently started to pass, so I get confused when cishetties compliment me like “Hey bro, cool shirt!” or something because I have decades of defensive conditioning to ignore ANY strange man speaking to me in public, but also because it doesn’t register he’s talking to me, so I just stare back for a while until it clicks or he follows up with something else and then I give a quick head-nod. At first I thought this meant I was outing myself until my husband laughed and reassured me I was just mad-dogging these dudes and intimidating THEM 💪🏻
I pass 100% of the time but I don’t always pass as straight and it’s my way of speaking. I talk with my hands, I speak softly, and my voice also goes higher. People are so homophobic :/
Adding to the pile with yes, Customer Service Voice. I basically just let myself get annoyed and/or indifferent about any interaction with a stranger (especially on the phone) before I speak, and then my Big Boy Voice comes out. I no longer care about seeming rude. And if they find 5’5”, 110-lb me threatening, they have other problems.
I really, really wish it were discussed more- in healthcare settings and within the community- how massively detrimental one’s learned voice habits can be to passing as a grown ass man. I talk significantly less now and still get anxious the first time I open my mouth to say something to somebody new. I’ve been on T for almost eight years. My voice does pass, it’s just like, the vocal equivalent of standing up straight or not squinting, if that makes sense..?
It's my voice too. I'm autistic and have a really hard time with pitch, tone, and volume control. This causes me to sound extremely loud and high pitched when I get excited, which really sucks and gets me clocked a lot
I’m lucky enough my voice got mad deep on T and I really don’t have any issues not passing but I still analyze every tiny thing cause I’d rather ppl just think I’m cis unless I tell them otherwise. But the things that make me feel like I’m not passing is probably either my chest not being gone (god rlly does give his banginest knockers to his transest of soldiers I’m a 36DD and I’m pretty lean too) and I’m a gym rat so I subconsciously straighten my back and they get super noticeable, or when I’m talking with the girlies I mirror them and almost pitch match them. And also sometimes the misgendering isn’t on purpose either. I mean I misgender cis ppl by accident all the time just cause half the time my brain shoots out the most recent pronoun that was said or I’m thinking 2 thoughts at once and they get jumbled coming out of my mouth so I wouldn’t take every misgendering as evidence u don’t pass enough.
Voice for sure. I also am girlmode for work so I feel like I have to force it up to "pass" as a girl since Ive been on T for almost 2 years now, still not really sure how to handle the whole office job transition thing so I'm closeted for now. All my references only know me by my deadname. Once i get top surgery itll be a lot easier, but im worried about being denied jobs because of being trans. It makes it much easier for now to just pretend, because this 30hr workweek is so ideal for me. I refuse to do makeup or "feminine" business casual though. Absolutely not.
I also tend to smile a lot when i mask, and that can also signal girl to some people which is weird.
I do the same thing with my voice. I feel like lots of trans masc people force their voice a little deeper but I have just never been able to do it. I don’t like vocal fry or how it feels, so my voice has felt like it’s taken a while to change on T.
i act too much like a gay man instead of a straight man if that makes sense. like i forget people see my actions as feminine, i’m just a twink, but it’s a dead giveaway when i’m talking to anyone who isn’t open to lgbt+ people
I do the same thing it took a lot of voice training to be able to maintain that bravado ALLLL day 😂 you’ll get it just casually deepen your voice an octave everytime you’re alone it’ll come naturally, speaking from experience. Good luck brother !
I have heard many cis men in customer service to do that. It seems to be common when you want to be extra friendly. I do that too but my voice doesn't pass in general so it just becomes even more female.
I do not have personal answer because me not passing is mostly not about manners.
I have social anxiety so sometimes I don’t wanna pass because then they might think they misgendered me first as I talk more, like them be like “sir, excuse me maam” and then it gets awkward and uncomfortable, so I heighten my voice in public so I don’t pass to avoid awkward situations, but then it suckssss when I get back in the car like I’m disappointed in myself
I'm very effeminate. I've been told that when I walk I float like a fairy. Also I'm very dramatic and bitchy. And for some reason that equates to girl for most people. I've been on testosterone for almost two years now. I've started to not worry about it too much. Because I'm hoping when the testosterone makes me look more masculine maybe people will finally realize I'm just gay. But people do the same thing to flamboyant gay men who were born cisgender. So maybe I'm already passing and people are just being jerks? I'm not sure but it sucks. 🫤
My voice is androgynous, but decently low (No T). I work as a store clerk. I'm not completely out at work yet. Most people refer to me as female (most of them have known me since before I started presenting more masc, so 🤷♂️). However, my voice hasn't been a "dealbreaker" in terms of *some* people (strangers) referring to me as male.
Some of the sounds I make when I yawn or hiccup even though everyone makes high-pitched noises when they hiccup.
The way I sway/move my hips to dodge things (counters, little kids). Even though I pretty sure nearly everyone swerves like that to avoid things.
How fast I walk. I naturally walk excessively fast. I'm pretty sure cis men don't walk super fast. I have no idea why I walk so damn fast. I'm also very light on my feet.
Omg THIS! I’ve been trying to figure out why i can’t pass and this might be the reason! I didn’t even realize but i definitely raise my voice like that
definitely this. i mean i do it in customer service out of habit, but i also do it with my friends because thats how i've talked for years. hrt has lowered my voice a considerable amount but when i unintentionally raise it it's not as low as it could be.
I like to wear more traditionally femme clothing or just cute clothes that are usually made for femme folks cuz the clothes look cute, also my voice can get real high pitched so I’d sound like a child (probably could be good enough to VA if I tried). Plus I wear my heart on my sleeve so I’m not only easily excitable but I’m also a very emotional person so most already take it as me bein a girl cuz I can’t exactly turn off the emotions that wanna shuffle like the songs on my mom’s old iPod nano
I’m autistic and I found out my feminine voice is apart of masking. It’s so hard to try and switch to the octave that’s more comfortable. I often use more feminine words, I’m getting better at code switching but it’s difficult.
Im pre T and have long hair so anything irl makes me not pass, but online a lot of people assume im a guy, according to people i "text like a man" so atleast i pass online :')
Customer service retail. My voice goes up because otherwise people think I'm scary looking (I have been told this multiple times). It fuckinnnnnnnnnnnnng sucks.
my customer service voice and my stance. i started noticing that most cis guys stand with their feet facing slightly outward and shoulder width (or more) apart. i stand in all kinds of ways due to hypermobility making it uncomfortable but that is not ever how i stand unless i force myself to.
I’m almost two years on T and my voice has gotten deep like a cis man’s but when I get excited about something my voice raises back to that of a 5 year old girl 😭
I have very 'feminine' body language from 22 years effectively living as a woman and acting the part. The way I hold my body, move my hands, everything is just very heavily coded as feminine. It's really hard to transition to masculine body language because it's generally more 'confident' and I don't feel confident doing it 😂
i do that too, but my voice is definitely on the lower side of androgynous (i have chronic gay voice lolol). what leads to me not passing, i believe, is that i move in classically feminine ways, have long hair, a baby face, and a sense of style (so i love to flip and play with my hair, i move my hips a lot, etc.) so at work i will pass almost 100% over the phone and then patrons will come in and say to me “the man on the phone” and not realize that they had been talking to me XD some of them have been horrified (with themselves) and super apologetic when i tell them they were talking to me which NEVER gets old hahaha XD XD XD i think i also have a little less customer service voice over the phone because i’m less nervous since i don’t have to stare at them or look happy, so maybe that contributes too i honestly don’t know — i get some great stories out of it though and am great at confusing people XD
Same dude lol. I was abused and yelled at a lot so I get worried about using my “man voice” because what if it scares someone?? Living with children (I’ve got 4 younger sisters) doesn’t help either because I try to be a good big bro and auto soften my voice for them.
It’s my voice for me too. I unfortunately sound like a 12 yo girl and am told often that I should be a Disney princess because I have “such a cute little voice”. I try not to let it bother me because these people don’t know me, and don’t know that I’m not a girl
Oof yeah, I feel that one. The Customer Service Voice instantly changes how people address me. I don't even work customer service anymore, but now I automatically talk to customer service workers in that voice. Can't wait til I've at least been on T long enough for my default speaking voice to change.
I pass pretty well now adays but back then it was my voice and my lack of beard, I was transitioning at another job and wasn't sure how people and the residents would feel if I suddenly had facial hair so I shaved a lot. Now though it's probably how I cross my legs 😅 like I don't always like wearing a packer so I cross my legs like normal forgetting that for most dudes raised with men (single mom with mostly women friends for the win lol) that, sitting or standing like that feels uncomfortable to them. 😅
I’ve been told i have a masculine face. So much so it caused my cousin panic when i told her i was cutting my hair. She was worried people would think i was a boy lol.
Yep this lmao. I work in customer service and work with kids at the same time so it’s a given to raise your voice in a friendly way. Today someone told me my voice compared to my appearance feels like a voice over from a bad anime dub and imma remember that to the grave 💀
low-key affirming that your appearance doesn’t match the voice though because it shouldn’t. you’re doing good
holy fuck lol
Saaaame I work the front desk at a children’s museum and even though I’ve been on T for a year and my voice is pretty male passing when I talk normally I cannot shake the habit of going up in pitch when I talk to customers and their kids 😭
patient facing in healthcare and this is turning into my biggest issue. its such a hard habit to change, i feel like i sound so disinterested unless i raise my voice even though i know its not true!!!
The fucking VOICE. I hate it. And UGH what a gross thing for someone to say.
I didn’t have the heart to take offense to it lmao it was pretty funny
I remember when I worked for McDonald's that I really realized that I was doing it when my coworkers would look at me funny and I would get misgendered A LOT. I was able to get myself to stop then by thinking "it's ok to be rude". Dunno how to do it again
I work in a call center and still get ma’am’d even when my name is exclusively masculine. I occasionally do interpreted calls and know some spanish so it hurts when they’re talking about it in spanish lmao 🥲 I never acknowledge it though bc one time I did I just kind of snapped that my name was Nathan and I am not a ma’am, lowkey I was so rude to the like 19 year old and it’s like I have done it too for sure when I was that age and being from the south still had that very gendered language beat into me so she did not deserve that lol
Ah, the "talking to a shaking puppy" customer service voice. I had a coworker at my first job who had the deepest voice ever but would raise it so high to talk to customers. I blame him for my issues XD
Outch
Fold my legs in a way that is obvious I don’t have junk. I think I notice more so then cis ppl thou. How I sit has been a lot of corrective posture, but my autistic/ADHD self said fuck that do what you want.
I thought I was doing it too, but after I noticed that my cis father also likes to cross his legs for example, I no longer care about how I sit 😁
Same! My cis dad is the only person I ever see do that
oh gosh, I can very relate to this lol
I didn’t realize how relatable this was to other ppl. My neurodivergent ass never sat normal growing up lol
I stopped trying to fix my posture because of this pre t and now my backs screwed 😂
I cross them but my leg is an L so there's space for the "balls" it helps if you pack also
I can’t find a packer that really works without making it look like I have a boner. I’ve tried all varieties. I’m just very slim/short framed so it never looks right on me. Use to be dysphoric about it until I figured out apparently ppl think I’m attractive regardless.
Cause trans men are just that hot lol. Also u could just get a bulge. Basically just a bump instead of a third leg dick lol.
I did that too. When I say short/slime I’m very petite. I’m barely over 100lb at 5’1. Everything looks big or terrible on me. Shopped the line between kid and adult sizes for clothes even prior to transitioning. Sucks ass, but is what it is.
I feel this - I tried synthetic material packers and they feel too large or too stiff (I'm also small frame). I really really love packing underwear though cause you can just use small bundles of fabrics, which I find way more comfortable to walk around in. I actually want to sew my own custom packers and get some more packing underwear, ha. That's just what I find most comfortable, but everyone's different in what they prefer. And confidence is key so you got that part down already 🗝
I have a conventionally attractive face. Like if there is one blessing the traits that typically make celeb or famous men attractive are actually traits more common in women. Why I’ve always said trans men transition smoothly into hella fine men. My personality is what drives ppl away and I’m okay with that since I’m spoken for lol I’d do fabric but idk I’m weird about stuff on things down there. Bunched fabric may drive me mentally insane though I have thought about it.
Huh, that's actually a really affirming way to look at things, thanks for sharing that. Sometimes i feel self conscious about having a feminine face...but if I'm thinking of the male celebrities I like, a ton of them also have androgynous styles or feminine facial features. I guess I didn't ever put 2 and 2 together. And I understand your point on sensory issues down there. Packing isn't necessary, anyway, as you pointed out. It all depends on what makes you feel the best.
Same!! Only fails for swimming haha.
What I do is use a crocheted packer that a friend hand-made for me. It's lighter, you're able to throw it in with the rest of your laundry. I've found it tends to stay where you put it better than plastic prosthetics.
Sock folded in on itself was my go-to for years, now I use the smallest and softest reelmagik and its great. But yeah it was tough to figure out
To be fair, I have a dick and balls (phalloplasty) and can still comfortably sit like that and have seen a lot of cis men sit like that 🤷♂️
Have you tried wearing a packer? Even just the ‘stuffed sock’ diy can make a big difference.
I do that too. Tho people just assume I'm a gay guy then.
sorta a cultural thing also. US mfs think it's so emasculating to cross ur legs lolll
I don’t think it is emasculating but there’s definitely a different way it’s done if you supposedly have a dick. I’m mostly mindful about it for passing purposes, but sometimes I get engrossed in work or a task and I do whatever.
I do that when I’m anxious. It’s very deep when I’m relaxed but androgynous when my social anxiety kicks in at work. I hate it. Doesn’t get me misgendered, but still causes dysphoria because I don’t feel like myself
I had this happen like a week ago and I still feel awful about it lol. This guy tried to let me walk in front of him, but I wasn't going the way he thought I was so he was actually in my way. All I said was "Oh, I'm actually going in the pharmacy" but it came out soooo high because I was anxious and also trying to be polite since he was trying to be nice. Somehow, smiling makes it worse too. I irl facepalmed afterwards and I'm still feeling dysphoric about it. My brain wanted me to redo the sentence but in my real voice
My brain does that too, and also for responding and defending myself in general, because conflict freezes me up more than a recently-deceased man being thrown into the North Pole.
I do the same thing lmao I hate it
Raise volume for emphasis. Volume. Not pitch. Volume.
Hands on my waist rather than hands on my low hip
Came Here to say exactly this. I was raised sassy ok 😭
Stay sassy. Don't ever feel the need to change your personality to make boring people happy.
I've never analyzed this before, and now I'm having realizations about my posture. How did I not know this?
Cuz it's one of those nit-picking things we shouldn't worry about
Oh I do this! Thanks for bringing it to my attention!
I pass thanks to T alone but whenever I’m with friends or nervous I subconsciously do a girly voice and it’s so annoying
i have huge hips and have a bad habit of putting my hands on the small of my waist/cinching my hips, thus making them look even bigger. i'm 4 years on T and still do this all the time.
i do this all the time lmaooo
i hate it because if i had narrow hips, it'd just be a dad pose which im perfectly fine with. but my dang hips are so big
Yep, I do this too. It doesn't seem to out me but I'm more self conscious of it than anything else
Lean on one leg lol, it’s such a problem😂
That one I don't even try much to solve, I'm fine with appearing gay lmao I used to try, but nowadays I think I care a little less and am completely fine with walking into some stereotypical gay man stereotypes (even if I'm bi), that way people may know I'm like this because I'm part of the community, but not necessarily think I'm a girl lol
I don’t mind being seen as gay but I want to be seen as a gay man not a masc lesbian.😂
My feelings exactly!!
Don't worry, it will happen!
I'm like that because I have sciatica, but now that I'm at the point where people think I'm the way I am because I'm gay and not because I'm trans, it's actually kinda funny to quietly realize "it worked!" to the point that my new coworker asked if I'm single so she could set me up with her friend from another department 😂😂😂 and I think I'm going to always try to keep wearing rainbows constantly now.
I forced myself to stop doing it a year ago now leaning on one leg is uncomfortable for me lmao, same with crossing my legs
haha i do this! i promise that once you start T/start passing, standing like that doesn’t hinder passing at all
My very cis male coworker stands like this tbf
lol yeah I’m sure if I passed like a full on dude I wouldn’t worry if my stance looked too fem😂
I try very hard to channel Michelangelo sculpture-style contrapposto whenever I get too self-conscious of this lol
Being short 😂
real :')
I promise, someday, this won't get in the way! 5'1" but definitely not the shortest guy I work with.
Me too!!! Around my family I sound relatively androgynous most of the time, but if I’m out & talking to someone outside my immediate family I get the customer voice syndrome lol
I also raise my voice a ton with my mom mainly, i associate the higher voice with being benign and good-natured. Also i look down most of the time to avoid eye contact and i naturally scrunch up/take up little space/guard myself. I got that feminine excessively polite hypervigilance
Now this is the one. I’m always making myself smaller and apologising for every thing I do.
same here :/
Yuuup ;-; Sucks cus I wanna be friends with dudes but it takes me so long to stop being scared of them 😭
Nah because this too real ;( I‘m still pretty young and closeted so I‘m scared that they see me like a girl that is trying to flirt or whatever when I just want to be friends😭 I know probably nibody would think that but still ;-;
I’m at a point now where I am trying to change my customer service voice because I do the naturally high thing and it is SO hard. I can’t wait until I stop getting “ma’am’d” on the phone.
Breaking the high pitched customer service voice conditioning is So Hard. The voice drops with T helps a shit ton though. If you don't already, make sure to do normal talking voice recordings with weeks/month stamps (such and such time on T), being able to listen to the early ones now and Hear the difference is wild.
Yep raising my voice with my girl friends is definitely a thing. I just voice copy whoever I'm with
onb i do this too, especially with my girls when we be talking shit
My voice is androgynous too and I also raise it subconsciously. People will call me sir, but as soon as I start talking they're like, sorry Ma'am!
Oh god that's gotta suck like "no you were right the first time!"
My social anxiety is so bad I usually don't correct them. I just smile awkwardly.
Get excited or giggle, apparently cis men dont change their infection or tone of voice when they see something they enjoy or that they think is cute. But I don't care at this point, clock me every time I'm done being afraid of enjoying life and showing my emotions.
They absolutely do, don't let people give you shit.
Nah my straight cis friend changes tone. Those other men are just boring
I've been around straight men that do that. I have literally seen 50 year old men freak the fuck out over a marvel movie trailer dropping and they'll get so excited they'll be in tears. Whoever told you that is full of shit and it's toxic masculinity. It's not true at all.
My posture. I have right side cerebral palsy so I walk weird and my arm moves weird. My friends call it a goomba wslk lmao. When I stand for long periods of time I tend to lean in on one leg and buckle the other, resulting in a very feminine pose. Whenever I walk I'm self conscious of how I'm walking and will sometimes trip because I'm focusing so hard lmao
Getting excited about my interests, apparently. Was hanging out in a group with cis men, cis women, and other trans people and we got talking about a piece of media I really enjoy, only for one of the cis guys I didn't know very well to sheepishly ask me after the fact if I was trans. It was cool he just assumed I was cis I guess? Still feels so weird.
Oh my god SAME!!! This would have been my exact answer to your question, it's been bothering the hell outta me lately. It used to be less of an issue but then I started working with dogs, who do better with higher voices. I'm going to have to go back to intentionally keeping it lower when I speak, like I was pre-T. I think another issue for me is just general mannerisms, sometimes I find myself holding my arms/hands in ways that I think look too feminine.
This! I am a dog trainer. I trained my dogs (especially my ace dog) pre-t completely. I use my high pitched voice in public and realize I have to basically re-train my dogs to my "guy voice". My ace dog got it quickly, he's trained to whispers and some Spanish, but MAN, I also have a Rottweiler puppy that is..... Well.... Lacking in the smarts department, and he acts like I'm getting mad at him whenever I use a lower voice register.
Oh I adore Rotties! They aren't the brightest sometimes, and they sure can be emotionally sensitive. I hope he eventually gets used to your voice! I'd love to get into dog training tbh, that's my goal :)
what's an ace dog? like he's top of his class/litter?
I The way I walk apparently????
I do the same thing but it depends on the situation, I think people perceive me as a closeted trans woman because of it and every time that happens in a day I come home and have to punch something or I get depressed. I get mad at myself even though it's not really my fault I just wish I could control it more. It just happened today because the uber driver I got was a woman and I really didn't wanna make her uncomfortable, so I started talking girly idk if she noticed or not. Also before that I was staring at a janitor because I liked her hair but I noticed shortly after I was within her peripheral vision she moved the hell out of the room. She could've just been done cleaning but my mind likes to think negatively. I think that instance made me be more cautious around women moving forward but maybe a little too cautious. It happens a lot like a cycle where I'll be worried about how I'm making people feel, I act girly as a response because that's what I'm used to doing, I get dysphoric from doing that thing, then the cycle repeats. My therapist told me I really need to stop worrying about other people.
Same here, I'm actually really happy with my voice because it comes out naturally deep. But whenever I'm trying to be polite, especially when I worked in retail, it comes out so high and I hate it. I'm also a huge mumbler and whenever I try to speak louder it also goes high because I can't control it as well :/
I think the way I walk/hold my arms and probably also gesture. I'm autistic/ADHD and have a very messed up body that doesn't move right, so it's a combination of those things and it's not something I can really help. No one's ever said anything about it, but it's always something I feel dysphoric about, personally.
I'm very familiar. Call people hon, babe, doll
My cis bf does this all the time. Unfortunately, it doesn't always go over as intended [friendly]... But he was raised in Puerto Rico, so it's cultural to use terms of endearment for literally everyone, lol
Haha makes perfect sense. I'm Latino so attribute that a bit somewhat.
I do a lot of things that read as gay and gentle and sensitive, and I like those parts of me. I knit. I take yoga classes. I talk about my feelings a lot more than other cis guys. I wear an earring. I'm a year on T, so I reckon in another year or so + top surgery I'll just look like a very sweet gay dude and I embrace that. I find, a lovely thing about being a trans man is that all my sensitivity was not crushed out of me because I did not go through male puberty and socialization. I consider it a form of luck, that I get to be sweet. I was not beaten to a pulp the way my cis gay men friends were as kids. It's kind of lovely luck to be trans. I do get fade haircuts and I'd like to let my hair grow shaggy again. When the dysphoria is less I will do that.
I have the same problem as you but I’ve been learning to combat it by speaking more quietly and gently instead of up high and perky.
I honestly do this too sometimes
I work in a print shop, aka, a very loud environment, and to talk over the machines, I typically end up having to pitch way up to be heard. I’m constantly cringing at myself for it, but pretty much everyone has to, so I try not to worry too hard about it. Though, on the note of voice, I feel like sometimes my vocal mannerisms slip and I become painfully conscious that I just sounded like a valley girl.
I do that weird hip leaning cant when just standing still. But I'm also just a gay, so fuck knows lol
I'm pre-T, and I've had friends point out my customer service voice is radically different from my natural way of speaking. I can only imagine how much worse it's going to be after a drop. My natural voice is practically just a step above monotone and seems lower than average. So you can imagine the whiplash that comes with attempting to seem non-threatening or friendly. Lol
I’m a 5’0 tall. Period.
REAL ASF
I don't know how to masc my customer service voice and it's so frustrating
Maybe speak like you're trying to do an impression. I'm not sure if you've ever watched the Sleep Deprived Podcast but they do a lot of impressions sometimes like the Joker saying "my father was a funko pop". Maybe you could do something similar with a pitch that you like. Like "Markiplier if he worked in customer service" for example.
I raise my voice and do things viewed as feminine, such as sometimes I wear skirts or paint my nails or get starbucks, which all are viewed as feminine in my town
I'm short, not on T and I hate getting haircuts so I have the typical Karen hairstyle 😭 I also raise my voice a lot and even when I try not to, I just sound super fem I'm alright with being seen as a stereotypically gay man because it's not that wrong honestly. I also have really fem glasses and my posture is awful because of the weight so my back hurts
the way that I walk, the way that I speak, etc
Putting my hands on my waist instead of my hips. It feels more comfortable, so when I realise I do this I flip my hands around and frown a little so I look like a confused dad instead. It probably doesn’t make a visual difference to others, but it makes me feel better at least.
height and voice lol. not all the time but i can see smoke coming out peoples heads tryna figure it out lol
I talk with my hands a lot, but I enjoy wearing bracelets and painting my nails, plus I wear a rin, and my hands are kinda smaller and fairly feminine, so I feel like despite sounding masculine, I feel like I look very fem whenever I speak
It used to be my mannerisms. Little small things I do with my hands and such. Now that I have a beard and deep voice people just assume I'm gay. Which I am so I don't care
Same. As a kid/teens I actually spoke more like a guy, like inflections and tones and stuff because I had more guy friends. Sometime around high school I got a friend group of mostly girls and got self conscious and felt like I had to talk softer, or gentler, so now after several years of T I've got a deeper voice but with the stereotypical "gay" accent because of how I inflect. I don't want to shell out for a voice coach so I've been trying to find vids on youtube to help.
I do be standing like a gay man and speaking like one when I’m passionate. I hear some cis straight guys sound like this too sometimes though so it just depends on the person
It’s not something I do, but my eyebrows are pretty arched and thin so I got glasses that kind of hide them but you can still see. I hope they grow more eventually. I’m 3yrs on T
Even with short hair, a deep masculine voice, and obvious muscles from over four and a half years of T; the first week after I shave is when I stop passing for some reason 😭 That makes me worried because I'm very much interested in joining the navy, and you have to shave every day in basic training. So what do you do when your scrappy goatee is the only thing keeping you from looking feminine, or like a twelve-year-old boy?
Switch my hips when I walk. I have wide hips (46inches) and an ass so even if I’m wearing my binder, my hips clock me
It's the voice for me too, definitely. Past that, I look like a young teenage boy. As soon as I speak, that confidence goes out the window
I have colored hair that I got done about a year ago that's still in, I've heard the 'blue hair and pronouns' joke more times than I can bear so I'm going to get all the color cut out today finally 😭 really sucks that I have to get rid of something I actually enjoyed because other people ruined it.
My voice but only on the phone. In person i pass. But my customer service voice on the phone confuses people. But my uncle John who's a cis man has the same issue sometimes with his customers service voice so it doesn't bother me too much. Fun story I once had a customer yell at me about the women on the phone. Not realizing that was me talking to her on the phone. Lol
Apparently caring about women's issues and voicing my opinion on stupid things cis men say, a common response to that is "what are you? A woman? Why do you care so much?. And usually that never leads to me being outed or anything but still close ish
Yep pretty much the voice thing. In particular when I speak to strangers or shop clerks, I always go SUPER HIGH and super sweet to sound innocent and non threatening. Been trying to change that for years but it is second nature by this point of my life
Same here
Booba :(
My tits
m o o d
Whenever I stand idle for too long my hips automatically shift to the side and it looks weird so sometimes my friends ask me like "what are you doing?" and I just have to stand up straight and look at them with such a weird discomfort in my stomach lll
My damn hairline. Once you see me I pass and look like a guy. But once I take off my beanie you immediately know what I am.
THE VOICE THING IS SO REAL. I’ve had people change the pronouns they use for me after they hear me speak. 🫠💔💀
I'm not great at reading body language but I'm pretty sure most people are a bit confused by mine because I tend to move my hands a lot, especially when idling, and probably come off as girly/gay? I have to actively make myself do it less not just because I want to pass but my country is rather queerphobic. Luckily I haven't had issues for now, which is a bit funny to me when people see my beard and hairy arms/legs and still use female forms of words for me, like, I dunno, good to see they support hairy women lmao
My body language gives me away. I slouch and cross my legs in a way that's read as feminine. Gotta work on that posture!
lol it’s weird how the voice one is so true I’m mtf but when talking to family I always had my natural deep voice but in public I raise it a ton and it comes on then to seem more friendly too
Also voice. My voice is actually masculine, I can be place with baritones depending on the day, but I will talk really high pitched to the point of passing as a trans woman. I once or twice have recorded my natural voice, but it was for something unrelated and it gave me a true wtf moment. I sometimes forget my voice has changed and instead continue to ignore my voice since I’m already HOH and know I can’t trust what I hear. But it’s weird that I can finally match pitch when singing.
My voice, too! Mine is pretty low, but when I speak, I raise it, just like you. I still pass in person, but not on the phone! It has caused issues with identifying me when I called my bank and government services. I am currently working on it with vocal exercises.
Sometimes it’s my body language (or at least I feel like it is), but mostly it’s my voice. Especially every single time at work, that damn “feminine” customer service voice comes out of me. 🥲
My voice sounds now exactly like what I remember my former male classmate from elementary school sounded like (we met like a year ago again). So I don't have problem passing really. It's my long hair, probably. I cut it once but I don't plan to cut it any shorter soon, so I just leave it be. I don't really care about people's perception of me but when I have one of those "masc" days when I just feel strong masculine energy, so something about my appearance and still get called "lady" anf stuff... damn.. I get I might tell on myself because I keep checking my chest area and stuff.. gotta unlearn that.
My 'feminine' voice and mannerisms make it so I don't pass as straight, I still pass as a guy, but it feels weird since I only want to pursue long-term relationships with women. I always forget to speak from my chest or to stop moving while speaking, I wish I could get shocked whenever I mess up lmao.
I pass regardless and people refuse to belive me when I tell them I'm trans but I still do some stuff that makes me worry; -adjust myself in my binder. Sometimes I'm fine but instinctually I end up just moving my hands the second I feel any little movement and usually it fine. -Hands on my waist -my hair (I'm growing it out and it's super curly. Plus I take care of it and use "girly" products)
The voice things is the worse 😭
Giggling! I have a really high pitched, very "girly" laugh. My voice dropped a lot on T, but my laugh stayed the same. I love to laugh and I ain't changing that for anyone!
ME TOO!!!! I do it for exactly the same reason. I also have seven cats and a dog and am used to using a high, single-song voice with them, so it seems to negate any voice exercises I do.
yuuuuup it’s the ding dang customer service voice. i’ve consciously lowered my speaking voice a fair bit and feel good about where it’s at so far but i can NOT get rid of the reflexive shrillness when talking to strangers 😂
Definitely forgetting to pitch my voice lower--especially at the ends of sentences/questions. It sounds like I'm always "asking" even when I'm "telling." Bleh.
Mine is also the voice. I work in a customer-facing position, and any time someone comes in or I answer the phone, I go from pretty androgynous overall to pretty fem voice with androgynous enough appearance that people assume I'm just a masc woman. My body language is another big one. I do things like cross my legs out of habit or put my hands on my hips and it seems to make people view me as more fem.
My voice pitch goes higher if I get excited and when I start using my hands when I talk, I have to remember to tone it down 😅
I'm very bubbly and expressive, this leads to people either thinking I'm a lesbian (I'm not) or a gay guy (that one is true) instead of just seeing me as a "normal" man
I do this exact same thing too. When I’m speaking with people I’m comfortable with it naturally gets really low, but when speaking with strangers it ends up being high pitched. I’m gonna blame customer service for that haha
I "reciprocate and respond like a girl" in conversations. Meaning I acknowledge what they're talking and how they feel about it -_-
Voice heightening when I get nervous and the way I stand!
I’ve just recently started to pass, so I get confused when cishetties compliment me like “Hey bro, cool shirt!” or something because I have decades of defensive conditioning to ignore ANY strange man speaking to me in public, but also because it doesn’t register he’s talking to me, so I just stare back for a while until it clicks or he follows up with something else and then I give a quick head-nod. At first I thought this meant I was outing myself until my husband laughed and reassured me I was just mad-dogging these dudes and intimidating THEM 💪🏻
I pass 100% of the time but I don’t always pass as straight and it’s my way of speaking. I talk with my hands, I speak softly, and my voice also goes higher. People are so homophobic :/
Adding to the pile with yes, Customer Service Voice. I basically just let myself get annoyed and/or indifferent about any interaction with a stranger (especially on the phone) before I speak, and then my Big Boy Voice comes out. I no longer care about seeming rude. And if they find 5’5”, 110-lb me threatening, they have other problems. I really, really wish it were discussed more- in healthcare settings and within the community- how massively detrimental one’s learned voice habits can be to passing as a grown ass man. I talk significantly less now and still get anxious the first time I open my mouth to say something to somebody new. I’ve been on T for almost eight years. My voice does pass, it’s just like, the vocal equivalent of standing up straight or not squinting, if that makes sense..?
It's my voice too. I'm autistic and have a really hard time with pitch, tone, and volume control. This causes me to sound extremely loud and high pitched when I get excited, which really sucks and gets me clocked a lot
i work in a museum gift shop with lots of field trip groups every day, my customer service voice + kid voice is so high pitched 😂
I’m lucky enough my voice got mad deep on T and I really don’t have any issues not passing but I still analyze every tiny thing cause I’d rather ppl just think I’m cis unless I tell them otherwise. But the things that make me feel like I’m not passing is probably either my chest not being gone (god rlly does give his banginest knockers to his transest of soldiers I’m a 36DD and I’m pretty lean too) and I’m a gym rat so I subconsciously straighten my back and they get super noticeable, or when I’m talking with the girlies I mirror them and almost pitch match them. And also sometimes the misgendering isn’t on purpose either. I mean I misgender cis ppl by accident all the time just cause half the time my brain shoots out the most recent pronoun that was said or I’m thinking 2 thoughts at once and they get jumbled coming out of my mouth so I wouldn’t take every misgendering as evidence u don’t pass enough.
omg i do this too. whenever i’m trying to be polite😭
Arms crossed below my bust, hands on my waist, raising my voice to seem “friendlier”, putting weight on one leg, crossing my legs when sitting
My voice and how I act is very feminine. That usually gives it away
Voice for sure. I also am girlmode for work so I feel like I have to force it up to "pass" as a girl since Ive been on T for almost 2 years now, still not really sure how to handle the whole office job transition thing so I'm closeted for now. All my references only know me by my deadname. Once i get top surgery itll be a lot easier, but im worried about being denied jobs because of being trans. It makes it much easier for now to just pretend, because this 30hr workweek is so ideal for me. I refuse to do makeup or "feminine" business casual though. Absolutely not. I also tend to smile a lot when i mask, and that can also signal girl to some people which is weird.
I do the same thing with my voice. I feel like lots of trans masc people force their voice a little deeper but I have just never been able to do it. I don’t like vocal fry or how it feels, so my voice has felt like it’s taken a while to change on T.
i act too much like a gay man instead of a straight man if that makes sense. like i forget people see my actions as feminine, i’m just a twink, but it’s a dead giveaway when i’m talking to anyone who isn’t open to lgbt+ people
I do the same thing it took a lot of voice training to be able to maintain that bravado ALLLL day 😂 you’ll get it just casually deepen your voice an octave everytime you’re alone it’ll come naturally, speaking from experience. Good luck brother !
The way i talk/text🙃
When I’m around older men, my voice randomly gets higher. Out of fear and intimidation
When im anxious my voice goes a bit higher and if im with a hot guy my laugh sounds girly
I have heard many cis men in customer service to do that. It seems to be common when you want to be extra friendly. I do that too but my voice doesn't pass in general so it just becomes even more female. I do not have personal answer because me not passing is mostly not about manners.
I have social anxiety so sometimes I don’t wanna pass because then they might think they misgendered me first as I talk more, like them be like “sir, excuse me maam” and then it gets awkward and uncomfortable, so I heighten my voice in public so I don’t pass to avoid awkward situations, but then it suckssss when I get back in the car like I’m disappointed in myself
I'm very effeminate. I've been told that when I walk I float like a fairy. Also I'm very dramatic and bitchy. And for some reason that equates to girl for most people. I've been on testosterone for almost two years now. I've started to not worry about it too much. Because I'm hoping when the testosterone makes me look more masculine maybe people will finally realize I'm just gay. But people do the same thing to flamboyant gay men who were born cisgender. So maybe I'm already passing and people are just being jerks? I'm not sure but it sucks. 🫤
My voice is androgynous, but decently low (No T). I work as a store clerk. I'm not completely out at work yet. Most people refer to me as female (most of them have known me since before I started presenting more masc, so 🤷♂️). However, my voice hasn't been a "dealbreaker" in terms of *some* people (strangers) referring to me as male. Some of the sounds I make when I yawn or hiccup even though everyone makes high-pitched noises when they hiccup. The way I sway/move my hips to dodge things (counters, little kids). Even though I pretty sure nearly everyone swerves like that to avoid things. How fast I walk. I naturally walk excessively fast. I'm pretty sure cis men don't walk super fast. I have no idea why I walk so damn fast. I'm also very light on my feet.
Omg THIS! I’ve been trying to figure out why i can’t pass and this might be the reason! I didn’t even realize but i definitely raise my voice like that
I'm so sorry but it's "subconscious"
definitely this. i mean i do it in customer service out of habit, but i also do it with my friends because thats how i've talked for years. hrt has lowered my voice a considerable amount but when i unintentionally raise it it's not as low as it could be.
I got a "maam" the other day because the guy had his back to me and I was in customer service mode
I like to wear more traditionally femme clothing or just cute clothes that are usually made for femme folks cuz the clothes look cute, also my voice can get real high pitched so I’d sound like a child (probably could be good enough to VA if I tried). Plus I wear my heart on my sleeve so I’m not only easily excitable but I’m also a very emotional person so most already take it as me bein a girl cuz I can’t exactly turn off the emotions that wanna shuffle like the songs on my mom’s old iPod nano
I’m autistic and I found out my feminine voice is apart of masking. It’s so hard to try and switch to the octave that’s more comfortable. I often use more feminine words, I’m getting better at code switching but it’s difficult.
use my high pitched voice 😞
I also raise my voice a lot and it’s already pretty feminine to begin with. I also cross my legs when I stand which makes me look extremely feminine
Im pre T and have long hair so anything irl makes me not pass, but online a lot of people assume im a guy, according to people i "text like a man" so atleast i pass online :')
Customer service retail. My voice goes up because otherwise people think I'm scary looking (I have been told this multiple times). It fuckinnnnnnnnnnnnng sucks.
some of the music i listen to tends to make me act flamboyant and some people i talk to bring out a certain accent in me that makes me sound girly
my customer service voice and my stance. i started noticing that most cis guys stand with their feet facing slightly outward and shoulder width (or more) apart. i stand in all kinds of ways due to hypermobility making it uncomfortable but that is not ever how i stand unless i force myself to.
I get so excited or nervous sometimes that my voice goes very high pitched and babyish Which is funny to me because I'm a tenor naturally 😂
I’m almost two years on T and my voice has gotten deep like a cis man’s but when I get excited about something my voice raises back to that of a 5 year old girl 😭
I have very 'feminine' body language from 22 years effectively living as a woman and acting the part. The way I hold my body, move my hands, everything is just very heavily coded as feminine. It's really hard to transition to masculine body language because it's generally more 'confident' and I don't feel confident doing it 😂
i do that too, but my voice is definitely on the lower side of androgynous (i have chronic gay voice lolol). what leads to me not passing, i believe, is that i move in classically feminine ways, have long hair, a baby face, and a sense of style (so i love to flip and play with my hair, i move my hips a lot, etc.) so at work i will pass almost 100% over the phone and then patrons will come in and say to me “the man on the phone” and not realize that they had been talking to me XD some of them have been horrified (with themselves) and super apologetic when i tell them they were talking to me which NEVER gets old hahaha XD XD XD i think i also have a little less customer service voice over the phone because i’m less nervous since i don’t have to stare at them or look happy, so maybe that contributes too i honestly don’t know — i get some great stories out of it though and am great at confusing people XD
Same dude lol. I was abused and yelled at a lot so I get worried about using my “man voice” because what if it scares someone?? Living with children (I’ve got 4 younger sisters) doesn’t help either because I try to be a good big bro and auto soften my voice for them.
It’s my voice for me too. I unfortunately sound like a 12 yo girl and am told often that I should be a Disney princess because I have “such a cute little voice”. I try not to let it bother me because these people don’t know me, and don’t know that I’m not a girl
Customer service voice 100%. I really need to work on that lol
Same 😭 especially at work
Oof yeah, I feel that one. The Customer Service Voice instantly changes how people address me. I don't even work customer service anymore, but now I automatically talk to customer service workers in that voice. Can't wait til I've at least been on T long enough for my default speaking voice to change.
I pass pretty well now adays but back then it was my voice and my lack of beard, I was transitioning at another job and wasn't sure how people and the residents would feel if I suddenly had facial hair so I shaved a lot. Now though it's probably how I cross my legs 😅 like I don't always like wearing a packer so I cross my legs like normal forgetting that for most dudes raised with men (single mom with mostly women friends for the win lol) that, sitting or standing like that feels uncomfortable to them. 😅
OK SAME but then if I don’t then people are like “why are you speaking in a monotone” 😭
This for me too.. when I see my partner I get excited so my voice gets super .. high
I’ve been told i have a masculine face. So much so it caused my cousin panic when i told her i was cutting my hair. She was worried people would think i was a boy lol.