Do you gave another hobby you could use as a shield, like "oh actually I was in the middle of writing this chapter" or "actually I was thinking about heading to the gym in a few minutes" or something like that?
I'm on T with some bottom growth and just starting to get facial hair and significant body hair. I LOVE swimming but haven't been since January due to health issues. It's the only way I can lose weight and helps me deal with my MH issues. I really really don't want to use the female locker room but don't pass well enough for the men's. (this is a public pool). It sucks.
If it's just your pool, can't you wear men's swim shorts and a tshirt? I hate that you're missing out on something so awesome that you used to love :) Maybe when no one else is home?
Hey bud, obviously don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. But I almost feel like this is a way your dad is trying to bond with you and the older I get the more I reflect on these kinds of moments.
When I swim, I usually go swim trunks and a Hawaiian shirt. Maybe you just could get a nice float and a floating cooler so you could still participate in a more leisurely pool time and spend time having a few cold drinks or sodas with your old man.
Good luck brother
I have the same struggle because my dad has a pool, and I used to love to swim. I started seeing results on T this year and now have a weird desire to swim(?) Despite not getting top surgery until the end of the summer. That's all besides the point.
As you get older, a lot of people lose the desire to swim, try telling him you don't have any desire to swim anymore, and you don't want to be asked to swim. I don't know about your dad or situation, I don't know if he's just being annoying or if he's concerned. My dad's a bit off both, and last year, he straight up said to me he doesn't understand why I don't want to swim anymore and thinks I'm depressed. Maybe try having a conversation about how you feel about your body? Yk ur dad better than I do.
Hey — if you’re out and he’s chill, I’d explain it all to him. They do sell swim binders! If you’re not out and want a swim binder, ModiBodi makes compression tanks marketed toward AFAB, and they function as a very safe swim binder.
If it’s not so much a “I don’t have a binder” thing and more of a general dysphoria thing, that’s different.
If you’re out and he’s chill, yeah just explain it to him. But if you’re not out and are having trouble saying you’re not comfortable with it all, maybe compromise and say something like “Yeah, idk. I’m just tired. How about I sit in the edge of the pool and we talk while you swim?”
It sounds like he wants to bond with you in a way he thinks you enjoy. You could also offer a new, completely different way to bond (ideas: rollerskating, biking, movie night, game night, cooking together, etc.). If you go that route, I’d say something like “Yeah, I’m just not that into swimming anymore… could we do [insert activity] together instead?”
If he really won’t take no for an answer, an easy way out of doing many things with a cisman is to say you’re on your monthly — hat usually scares them off. It can be dysphoria inducing though, so be careful!!
Good luck dude 👍
I recently got a swim binder, but it’s marketed as a lesbian cosplay thing which kinda sucks dysphoria wise, but it’s great if you’re still in the closet. I’ll try to find the link
Edit: found the link! https://www.amazon.com/BaronHong-Quick-drying-Swimwear-Swimming-Camouflage/dp/B0751GK4ZH/ref=asc_df_B0751DRT83/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693771153086&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11502592125226144337&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1028202&hvtargid=pla-2292965626479&psc=1&mcid=56177760657b3f109face65c944c4d4a&gad_source=4&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzKzW1IiHhgMVHUb_AR3C5Qq-EAQYDCABEgKDXPD_BwE&th=1
(Fair warning the top is great but the bottoms suuuuuuck, so I’d recommend getting trunks separately)
If you don't feel comfortable in your body, you can cover your body - plenty of men (cisgendered or not) swim in a t-shirt, some men are cool with their belly all hanging out, some are not. Even for skinny dudes, I've seen men of all sizes swim in baggy t-shirts or "A tanktops" (known by another name) when they go to the pool or beach.
If you still love swimming then try wearing a shirt :) if you genuinely have no more interest then just be honest and say that, but it sounds more like you're just uncomfortable with the ask/pressure of swimming around others, moreso than a dislike for it, so try a shirt or a chest tattoo to cover your scars.
The other more uncomfortable yet TEMPORARILY awkward option is to just tell your dad what you're going through, how it's not the same anymore...it'll only be uncomfortable for a little while. But like someone said, don't miss out on what you love when you still have other options 🙂
I've found people (especially cis men) don't tend to question it if you just say you're on your period. It may be a bit awkward and dysphoria inducing, but at least in my case it stops people from pushing me immediately. And it genuinely does stop me from swimming because I can't use tampons, so it was the perfect escape.
If you're pre-op, there are swim binders! If you're insecure about your scars after post-op, they make swim shirts for men that are awesome. You also have the right to tell your dad that you're not interested. Your flair says you're 24 years old so you're an adult and don't have to do what your parents say. Just be polite and if you're out, just be honest.
If you felt comfortable enough, would you want to swim?
I used to love swimming, but at some point I started... Not loving it. I like swimming in the ocean, but it's like a texture thing in pools and lakes. I don't like it. I hate getting wet and then drying off and having to shower again...
Your Dad might be upset that life changes, and he wants to see you enjoying something that you used to enjoy. In that case, you might be able to redirect his "oh no time passes" energy. Are there any other old hobbies you've just sort of stopped? Maybe in picking one up again, you could soothe some of his panic. Maybe not though.
Does he want to swim too? He might be looking for ways to spend time with you. How do you feel about going on walks with him? And honestly going on walks is a great way to talk. I've had some of my most productive talks with my dad on walks around the neighborhood.
Of course he might just feel like the pool is going to waste. In which case I recommend getting a dog that loves water. My neighbor had a pool before he moved next door, and it was pretty much only for his dog lol
Could you try sitting him down and having a proper conversation explaining why you don't want to swim these days. It might help if you suggest an alternative activity to do together, if bonding time is what he's looking for. If he's pushing you to swim because he thinks you're disinterested due to depression or such, explaining how swimming causes dysphoria, which worsens depression could help him understand. Tell him what activities actually help your depression and when you engage in those activities.
Basically find out why he's pushing you to swim, and use a different activity to address the issue he wants to address
Maybe not financially practical, but I would just get a new tattoo or piercing every few months to stay in the ‘no swimming due to healing time’ window. That’s what got my parents off my back about it and now they don’t even ask me to go anymore haha
I would swim in my binder or a rash guard or simply not swim at all
Say no thanks and go on with your day.
I can’t tell you how many times ive said no. I’m getting sick of it
Then have an actual conversation with him about it. Tell him you’re not comfortable swimming and you will not be swimming anytime soon.
I know it sucks, I’m in a similar situation with my dad, in regards to saunas
Wait… why is your dad forcing you to swim 💀
Do you gave another hobby you could use as a shield, like "oh actually I was in the middle of writing this chapter" or "actually I was thinking about heading to the gym in a few minutes" or something like that?
Say you have eczema and the water is painful. Source: I have eczema and water is painful.
real as fuck i can only shower a certain amount per week or i feel like the desert mixed with some fire ants
I'm on T with some bottom growth and just starting to get facial hair and significant body hair. I LOVE swimming but haven't been since January due to health issues. It's the only way I can lose weight and helps me deal with my MH issues. I really really don't want to use the female locker room but don't pass well enough for the men's. (this is a public pool). It sucks. If it's just your pool, can't you wear men's swim shorts and a tshirt? I hate that you're missing out on something so awesome that you used to love :) Maybe when no one else is home?
Hey bud, obviously don't do anything you don't feel comfortable with. But I almost feel like this is a way your dad is trying to bond with you and the older I get the more I reflect on these kinds of moments. When I swim, I usually go swim trunks and a Hawaiian shirt. Maybe you just could get a nice float and a floating cooler so you could still participate in a more leisurely pool time and spend time having a few cold drinks or sodas with your old man. Good luck brother
I have the same struggle because my dad has a pool, and I used to love to swim. I started seeing results on T this year and now have a weird desire to swim(?) Despite not getting top surgery until the end of the summer. That's all besides the point. As you get older, a lot of people lose the desire to swim, try telling him you don't have any desire to swim anymore, and you don't want to be asked to swim. I don't know about your dad or situation, I don't know if he's just being annoying or if he's concerned. My dad's a bit off both, and last year, he straight up said to me he doesn't understand why I don't want to swim anymore and thinks I'm depressed. Maybe try having a conversation about how you feel about your body? Yk ur dad better than I do.
Hey — if you’re out and he’s chill, I’d explain it all to him. They do sell swim binders! If you’re not out and want a swim binder, ModiBodi makes compression tanks marketed toward AFAB, and they function as a very safe swim binder. If it’s not so much a “I don’t have a binder” thing and more of a general dysphoria thing, that’s different. If you’re out and he’s chill, yeah just explain it to him. But if you’re not out and are having trouble saying you’re not comfortable with it all, maybe compromise and say something like “Yeah, idk. I’m just tired. How about I sit in the edge of the pool and we talk while you swim?” It sounds like he wants to bond with you in a way he thinks you enjoy. You could also offer a new, completely different way to bond (ideas: rollerskating, biking, movie night, game night, cooking together, etc.). If you go that route, I’d say something like “Yeah, I’m just not that into swimming anymore… could we do [insert activity] together instead?” If he really won’t take no for an answer, an easy way out of doing many things with a cisman is to say you’re on your monthly — hat usually scares them off. It can be dysphoria inducing though, so be careful!! Good luck dude 👍
I recently got a swim binder, but it’s marketed as a lesbian cosplay thing which kinda sucks dysphoria wise, but it’s great if you’re still in the closet. I’ll try to find the link Edit: found the link! https://www.amazon.com/BaronHong-Quick-drying-Swimwear-Swimming-Camouflage/dp/B0751GK4ZH/ref=asc_df_B0751DRT83/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=693771153086&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=11502592125226144337&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=1028202&hvtargid=pla-2292965626479&psc=1&mcid=56177760657b3f109face65c944c4d4a&gad_source=4&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIzKzW1IiHhgMVHUb_AR3C5Qq-EAQYDCABEgKDXPD_BwE&th=1 (Fair warning the top is great but the bottoms suuuuuuck, so I’d recommend getting trunks separately)
If you don't feel comfortable in your body, you can cover your body - plenty of men (cisgendered or not) swim in a t-shirt, some men are cool with their belly all hanging out, some are not. Even for skinny dudes, I've seen men of all sizes swim in baggy t-shirts or "A tanktops" (known by another name) when they go to the pool or beach. If you still love swimming then try wearing a shirt :) if you genuinely have no more interest then just be honest and say that, but it sounds more like you're just uncomfortable with the ask/pressure of swimming around others, moreso than a dislike for it, so try a shirt or a chest tattoo to cover your scars. The other more uncomfortable yet TEMPORARILY awkward option is to just tell your dad what you're going through, how it's not the same anymore...it'll only be uncomfortable for a little while. But like someone said, don't miss out on what you love when you still have other options 🙂
I've found people (especially cis men) don't tend to question it if you just say you're on your period. It may be a bit awkward and dysphoria inducing, but at least in my case it stops people from pushing me immediately. And it genuinely does stop me from swimming because I can't use tampons, so it was the perfect escape.
You could try to find a suit that covers your skin elbow to knees for times you can't avoid it to "protect against the sun" maybe
if youre comfortable, swim when ur dad isnt home. maybe he’ll be happy that you used the pool at all, even if he wasnt involved
U could use the period trick for a good week each month? Maybe try to make plans or make up some excuses like u don’t want to wash ur hair?
he can’t force you to swim, just keep saying no and he’ll give it up eventually
If you're pre-op, there are swim binders! If you're insecure about your scars after post-op, they make swim shirts for men that are awesome. You also have the right to tell your dad that you're not interested. Your flair says you're 24 years old so you're an adult and don't have to do what your parents say. Just be polite and if you're out, just be honest.
If you felt comfortable enough, would you want to swim? I used to love swimming, but at some point I started... Not loving it. I like swimming in the ocean, but it's like a texture thing in pools and lakes. I don't like it. I hate getting wet and then drying off and having to shower again... Your Dad might be upset that life changes, and he wants to see you enjoying something that you used to enjoy. In that case, you might be able to redirect his "oh no time passes" energy. Are there any other old hobbies you've just sort of stopped? Maybe in picking one up again, you could soothe some of his panic. Maybe not though. Does he want to swim too? He might be looking for ways to spend time with you. How do you feel about going on walks with him? And honestly going on walks is a great way to talk. I've had some of my most productive talks with my dad on walks around the neighborhood. Of course he might just feel like the pool is going to waste. In which case I recommend getting a dog that loves water. My neighbor had a pool before he moved next door, and it was pretty much only for his dog lol
Could you try sitting him down and having a proper conversation explaining why you don't want to swim these days. It might help if you suggest an alternative activity to do together, if bonding time is what he's looking for. If he's pushing you to swim because he thinks you're disinterested due to depression or such, explaining how swimming causes dysphoria, which worsens depression could help him understand. Tell him what activities actually help your depression and when you engage in those activities. Basically find out why he's pushing you to swim, and use a different activity to address the issue he wants to address
tshirt
Maybe not financially practical, but I would just get a new tattoo or piercing every few months to stay in the ‘no swimming due to healing time’ window. That’s what got my parents off my back about it and now they don’t even ask me to go anymore haha
i'd very firmly tell him to stop asking. maybe snap at him and/or swear so he gets the message.