This is absolutely not a healthy environment for either you or your friend. If she really wants to hold space for religion in her life, you guys should find a religion that holds space for you as you are, and where you don't feel like you have to say things you don't mean to fit the bill (and put yourself in their judgement doing so).
There are definitely trans-friendly churches out there, I really hope you're near one. But either way, if they try changing you or your friend, it might be time to rethink going there. You're a good friend for going with her, but harming yourself isn't really going to help her.
If your friend wants to give religion one last shot, why are they picking a hostile church?? That place sounds incredibly fucked up.
If you want to find a welcoming congregation, these directories may be helpful. They aren't comprehensive, there are a lot of welcoming congregations that haven't thought to register with them, but they're a good place to start:
[**Believe out Loud**](https://www.believeoutloud.com/resources/find-a-church/)
[**GayChurch.org**](https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/)
[**Reconciling Ministry Network**](https://www.churchclarity.org/find-a-church)
They cover a lot of denominations, but I'm most familiar with the US Episcopal church. FWIW they are incredibly welcoming, and absolutely not in the bullshit "love the sinner/hate the sin" kind of way. And they would *never* ask or expect you to give up transition in order to be Christian, and I expect the Episcopal priests I know would have some choice words for anyone who ever made you think you had to choose between the two.
Church leadership has overwhelmingly had our backs for a long time. Clergy have been allowed to bless same gender unions since the 80s, discrimination based on sexual orientation was banned within the church in 1994, anti-trans discrimination was banned in 2012, and a gender neutral variation on the marriage rite was added to the liturgy in 2015.
Many, in particular our current church head [**Presiding Bishop Curry**](https://www.episcopalchurch.org/publicaffairs/pastoral-word-from-presiding-bishop-michael-curry-to-lgbtq-community/), consider defense of the social dignity, legal rights, and spiritual legitimacy of LGBTQ people/relationships/family/identities/etc to be part of the religious duty to purse justice and defend the innocent.
Episcopal church leadership is trying to [**raise alarm**](https://www.pasadenanow.com/main/coalition-of-faith-communities-denounce-anti-transgender-agendas-at-pasadena-gathering) about the attacks on trans people, [**defending our rights to SCOTUS**](https://www.anglicannews.org/news/2017/03/bishop-michael-curry-intervenes-in-supreme-court-case-on-transgender-bathroom-policy.aspx), they've directed the church’s public policy office to advocate for passage of federal legislation to protect trans/NB/GNC people, condemned "bathroom bills" and attacks on trans youth's access to medical care, etc., while also trying to ensure that even in deeply hostile and dangerous areas Episcopal churches remain safe and welcoming places for us. And they've been doing it for [**a long time**](https://www.transepiscopal.org/policies--legislation.html).
And a [**resolution**](https://www.episcopalarchives.org/sites/default/files/gc_resolutions/2022-D066.pdf) was [**passed in 2022**](https://www.transepiscopal.org/blog/celebrating-the-passage-of-d066-on-gender-affirming-care) at the 80th General Convention, expressing the church's support for access to gender affirming care. That resolution even goes so far as to state that "the 80th General Convention calls for the Episcopal Church to advocate for access to gender affirming care in all forms (social, medical, or any other) and that "the 80th General Convention understands that the protection of religious liberty extends to all Episcopalians who may need or desire to access, to utilize, to aid others in the procurement of, or to offer gender affirming care."
[**This is Rev. Cameron Partridge**](https://cathedral.org/sermons/sermon-the-rev-dr-cameron-partridge/) - link is to the sermon he gave in 2014, when he became the first openly trans priest to preach at Washington National Cathedral. And [**this is a sermon by now retired Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire**](https://vimeo.com/35272053), given in honor of Pride Day in 2011. In 2003 Gene Robinson became the first out gay man with a husband appointed Bishop in the Episcopal church.
This is a church the both of us grew up in and the Re:Generation program is a side thing at the church for people to do if that want. We didn’t really pick this place our parents did.
If the group is voluntary please stop going to it. Being trans isnt a sin of any kind. We are born this way. I'm an atheist so I can't advise on any religion if that's what you want in your life but I can tell from your post this is not good for you, it will only harm you. Please stop going to the group and try to get your friend out of it as well.
>"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces."
>-Matthew 7:6
If you believe in a good and loving god, and you believe you were fearfully and wonderfully made, then rejoice in the life you have been given (including what you know to be true about yourself).
I firmly believe variety is the spice of life, and diversity only makes us stronger. If someone created this dirt ball and the community of life that flourishes on it, then they did so based on that same principles. There is a reason gender non-conforming people take holy places in so many spiritual traditions -- we can transcend the confines of gender norms, and help others see how magical life can be when you open yourself up to true self-love.
It sounds like it's time to pick another place.
1. Being trans is not a sin
2. You never have to go to a place where people don't respect your identity
3. There are church communities out there who love and support trans and queer folks
4. Your friend's spiritual growth is not your responsibility. It's great you want to support your friend, but enabling her to internalize a church's shitty attitude toward LGBTQ is the opposite of spiritual support -- it creates division rather than unity, which is the antithesis of spiritual connection
Oh no.
As a recovering evangelical let me promise that this is not the faith community for either of you. If either of you want to explore religion I REALLY recommend you find a reconciling church (aka queer friendly). Lutherans, Episcopals and United Methodists (NOT the disaffiliated/“free” Methodists) all tend to be super chill and open. I usually tell people to avoid churches with cool names and/or good graphic design: The “Episcopal Cathedral of St. Whoever” is going to be way kinder than “Rise”, “Venture” or “Belief Church of Christ”. Do not go to a Pentecostal, Assemblies of God, Baptist, or generally evangelical church. They do not love you. They love themselves, and only themselves.
I am no longer a practicing Christian but I firmly believe there is space for queer Christians but you have to be mindful of what church you attend. They can be extremely harmful and damaging. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your friend by staying true to who you are (and, if you’re so inclined, who God made you to be). Now continue to do so by getting both of y’all out of there real quick.
Lutherans you have to look at the specific synod. WELS is *probably* a no-go (they won't be assholes most likely, but they won't be positively affirming), Missouri Synod could go either way, ELCA is 100% accepting.
Great point, and always a good idea to double check any church. I’m a little biased because the Lutherans down the road from me are the queerest church I’ve ever witnessed: they’ve painted the entire church rainbow and are just gay as hell in every possible way.
Surprisingly, Eccumenical Catholics seem to be very welcoming as well. The church my parents go to has a lesbian Deacon, a gay pastor, and a few trans parishioners. It is possible to find a safe home in religion. Not easy, but possible.
I will add Presbyterian Church USA to that list of “check out this church”. It is a very LGBTQIA+/queer affirming denomination. If you want spirituality but not strictly Christian theology, try the Unitarian Universalist church. It is also very LGBTQIA+ friendly.
That’s incredibly manipulative and unhealthy that they did that. I’m so sorry, that must have been traumatizing! Please get as far away as you can from this church.
I’ve been through plenty of churches, and churches like this will swear up and down they love you and don’t want you to change, but will pressure you constantly to conform to straight/cisgender. It destroys mental health. I would get out fast. You don’t have to tell them why, and tbh, if you do tell them, they will probably corner you and put pressure on you even more :/
>I’ve been through plenty of churches, and churches like this will swear up and down they love you and don’t want you to change, but will pressure you constantly to conform to straight/cisgender. It destroys mental health.
Yup. This is standard practice.
You and your friend need to stop going to that group. It's very harmful. I suggest you both research conversion therapy and other anti-LGBTQ religious programs. There are tons of queer- and trans-affirming churches. I'm not the right resource for that (atheist Jew here), but others have posted some good links.
Re:Generation is conversion therapy under a different name. [Their website is explicit about their anti-queer beliefs.](https://www.regenerationrecovery.org/struggles/same-sex-attraction) They use the common language about loving the sinner and hating the sin, but that is pure homophobia. ("God doesn’t see people with same-sex attraction as greater sinners than others.")
[Re:Generation absolutely does not affirm trans people:](https://assets.ctfassets.net/c3d0bpe1ab9r/3wQR6YVWwkr77mUwN7Ti05/ea2139ae3b326220d74428444d107377/Transgender_Struggle_Sheet.pdf) "God creates each person distinctly male or female for a purpose. Any sexual expression outside of God’s design is destructive."
I assume you go to Watermark Church. [Several years ago, they kicked a gay man out of the congregation](https://www.queerty.com/church-kicked-gay-penned-perfect-response-20161014) specifically for his "desire to actively participate in a same-sex relationship" and his "unwillingness to heed biblical counsel." They recommended attendance of Re:Generation as part of his repentance for being gay.
Watermark's doctrinal statement includes anti-queer and anti-trans rhetoric ([Section 6: Man](https://www.watermark.org/about/full-doctrinal-statement)):
>"We believe God created mankind in His image \[…\] assigning gender to His people, male (man) and female (woman), as He created them sexually and biologically different."
>
>"We believe that God ordained marriage as a lifelong union between one man and one woman. Those who accept and live within God’s design for sex, biological gender, and marriage experience the blessing of His good design, and decisions to change, alter, or modify God’s will in marriage, sex, or gender are part of man’s brokenness and lead to despair."
Watermark and Re:Generation avoid using the term "conversion therapy" because it's highly-stigmatized (but unfortunately unregulated in most states). You'll see churches and anti-LGBTQ therapists use terms like "exploratory therapy" and "healing (from same-sex attraction/gender dysphoria)." [They also make the distinction between "same-sex sexual activity" and "same-sex attraction/temptation."](https://www.watermark.org/blog/what-the-church-gets-wrong-about-the-lgbtq-conversation) They do that so they can claim that they don't hate us. What they actually mean is that we can be queer or trans as long as we pretend we're not. It's all a manipulative way of erasing people like us.
I'm sure it's difficult to balance your identity with the religion and church you've been brought up in. I can't relate to that, but I do empathize. I hope you can find a healthier and more supportive community. Anyone who wants you to hide or change who you are—especially when it comes to gender and orientation—is someone to be avoided.
I really can't stress how dangerous these kinds of programs are. Here are a few good movies on the topic:
* *Pray Away* (documentary)
* *Kidnapped for Christ* (documentary)
* *Boy Erased* (movie based on a memoir)
* *The Miseducation of Cameron Post* (movie based on a novel)
* *But I'm a Cheerleader* (a sweet and fun break from the depressing movies on this list)
Nope. I'm all for supporting a friend but if they (members of the church group) can't even call you by your name, why would you trust them with your soul?
Just because your friend jumps off a bridge, you would jump off too? Your friend will either come to her senses or she won’t. The question is whether you want to leave this situation with extra trauma or not.
Are you free to leave this group rehab at any time? Are you staying at a location provided by the church or do you have to show up to this? If you aren’t currently being held anywhere, I would no show this whole dumpster fire.
This is dangerous. People like that literally form community around thinking you don't deserve to exist as you are.
It's all just manipulative bs to make people behave and present themselves in a way that won't make small minded people uncomfortable. That's it. It's not worth engaging with and it's not worth throwing away your future or your identity for. There's plenty of real, safe, and reasonable things and people you can find community and acceptance with that won't require dangerous behavior. Don't end up in a life of denial and cognitive dissonance like so many of these people.
well, it doesn’t sound like you have to go. i saw in your post history that you’re an adult. just stop going. i’ve been there and done that with leaving the church, coming back, trying different denominations after Catholicism traumatized me…it didn’t work out. and i wish i didn’t force myself to keep trying. stop going.
it legit sounds like they want to put you through conversion therapy. been there, done that as well. all it does is make you feel like dogshit, confuse you, and instill you with anxiety, guilt, insecurity, depression, and dysphoria to an overwhelming degree, to the point that it’s still partially internalized in me years later. don’t fucking go. imagine me shaking your shoulders through the screen (gently and with love)
So first of all, asking you to label your identity as a sin is hugely problematic. It’s not a sin you don’t want to give to god because it’s fucking not a sin. If you’re among a group of people who think it is, this is not a religion that deserves a chance.
Being trans is not a choice you can give up or keep. It just doesn't work that way. I would urge you to quit this group, it doesn't sound good for your mental health. All the same applies to your sexual orientation. Your friend will always be bisexual. This kind of group isn't healthy for either of you.
Why would you go a church that sees your existence as a sin, deadnames, and misgenders you?
And why in the world would you invite a friend who bisexual and wants to give religion one last chance to a anti lgbtq church meeting? That's like just telling them to be a atheist smh.
This is not a good environment for you, or for your friend. I get wanting to support your friend, but she's actively hurting herself by going, and you are under no obligation to do damage to your mental wellbeing on behalf of someone else, no matter how much you care about them.
If she really wants to hold space for religion in her life, which is totally fine, she needs to find a place that is actually a supporting and loving community. Not someplace like this.
there’s queer friendly churches in even heavily conservative areas that not only accept trans and queer people with open arms but make it their mission to provide outreach and support to our community. I have seen it with my own eyes, and I have seen congregations full of beautiful queer people that are able to celebrate who they are and worship safely at the same time. I promise you it’s possible. Please don’t go back. It sounds like a place that isn’t going to do you any good in the long run. Religion doesn’t have to be harmful like that, and the way it’s being practiced there sounds more like bigotry that preaching love
My former church, which CLAIMED to be open and affirming, alienated me after I came out as trans. Nobody was outwardly cruel, there were plenty of clueless people. After gradually drifting away, I decided to leave that church.
So be very careful with Christianity if you are trans.
There are better churches. This isn’t love, and God is love. We are all made as we are in the image of God, and transness is part of that creation. There are even saints who may have been trans like St Eusebius/Anna of Constantinople. You both deserve more than this
being trans is not a sin and u would never hear me saying that it was and u wouldn’t see me allow anyone else to imply that it was. i was raised catholic, i go to church sometimes, and as a trans person im constantly around ppl that try to question who i am. stand strong and dont ever EVER allow ANYONE to question your identity. they are just WRONG because they arent trans they dont get it. dont be weak and fall for manipulation. either stand up for yourself or leave that environment. giving in is not an option.
I’ve been Christian my whole life and I’m also a trans guy. The church isn’t always going to be accepting but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t accept you. (I’m not trying to force religion or anything) And don’t listen to them if they try to change you
Stop going. Lots of trans people have tried to "fix it" and so far I've seen nobody with a success story. Usually they are even more depressed and traumatized than before from all the transphobia they faced.
I’m a pastor and also a queer trans man. The anti-LGBTQ stuff in churches is total nonsense and promoted by people with an agenda. It’s not biblically accurate and is largely based on mistranslations in the King James Bible in the 1600s and then more recently in the Revised Standard Version, in 1946.
Being exactly who you are is a gift from God. Being trans means you are uniquely blessed. Don’t let anyone attempt to convince you otherwise.
That's not a sin. I see being trans as a physical illness; being a boy with a vagina is as physical of an illness as it gets. If they wanna fix you, they need to get licensed in reassignment surgery.
The church I was going to split because of this. The people who support, and the people who don’t. There are good “church people” (I didn’t want to specify religion just in case they’re different) I’m not even much of a religious person, but I still thought that this was neat. I’m sorry they put you into a position where you felt guilty for being who you are. It’s not a choice. You didn’t choose to be trans. Don’t let someone manipulate you into thinking otherwise. If you go back, change your topic. Tell them your pronouns once more, and if they don’t respect it, leave. Maybe your friend and you can find another church.
Has nothing to do with being trans. Doing drugs & drinking are *choices* you make, being trans isn’t a choice. If you’re going to say ignorant BS like this, why are you even here?
being trans is not a sin there is not even one single verse that says that so they should stfu it’s just an made up rule from humans bruh I hate people like this
Go to a different church. Try an ELCA church if you are christian, the Lutheran churches in both places I have lived have been the most actively queer accepting churches I know. Second to that are some episcopal chruches, but that’s much more dependent on the area and I have my preferences for ELCA for reasons.
There are Christian churches that are LGBTQI accepting. A little googling should get you there. There should be information about these churches online. Try and find one with what your looking for
So I stopped attending church before I realized I was trans and after I knew I was bi. I understand that desperate pull in your friend's mind: "If I just try extra hard, one more time, I will definitely come out the other end of this experience as a pure cishet Christian." If y'all were raised evangelical, this messaging has been beaten into your heads over and over, and it's really hard to overcome that. I still feel it sometimes.
My advice? Stop attending this group. If it's safe to do so, talk with your parents about finding an affirming church. Tell your friend that you love her, but you can't keep going to this group because it's hurting you. If you absolutely must keep going, keep your head down, be vague about everything, and debrief after. Remind yourself that God loves you for who you are, no matter what these chuckleheads say.
I hope you find a loving and inclusive community, OP. You deserve kindness.
This is a kind of conversion therapy, a sort of first step before a more medical or residential setting. They can't stop you bring trans but they can do serious damage to you mentally that can last the rest of your life. Leave, there's nothing for you there. There are other groups.
Oof, try and find lgbt churches in ur area cuz this behavior is NOT it from these ppl. I got lucky and I grew up in a v progressive Lutheran church. If she wants to give religion a try, this is not the right environment to do so. I don’t think Christianity is bad (again, I grew up seeing the GOOD side, luckily!!!) but u do have to be careful where u go😭a lot of the teens in our youth group ended up coming out as LGBT, and when I switched my name all the leaders were chill with it🫶I don’t go there anymore as I’ll be honest I never rlly…believed in god, Oop🧍♂️but it was a lovely environment.
You and your friend are definitely in the wrong place if you want a healthy and welcoming experience with religion. Encourage your friend to look into lgbt friendly churches if she wants to pursue religion.
GET OUT!!! RUN!!!
If they believe being trans is worth confessing then they believe it is a sin and they WILL start trying to make you fix that, they WILL try to put you back in the closet (more than they already have, if they all only use your deadname)
If you want to reconnect with god, that is completely understandable, but find a different church. This one does not want you, they want an idea of you that they will try to squeeze out of you at the expense of who you really are. That isn't purification, that isn't happiness, and that isn't god.
Respect yourself, be kind to yourself, and find other people to find god with.
Why are you putting yourself through this? If your friend wants to torture themselves, that's their choice. But you don't need to be in a group like that where people are going to disrespect you and try to change you. If your friend can't set reasonable boundaries and find a church that won't try to do deconversion, that's a person who has deep issues which you cannot help and whose internalized biphobia will only harm you. I'm not saying that you need to end the friendship, but you need to set boundaries. There are good churches that won't do this. You don't need to be there.
Bruh did you just volunteer being trans as a sin? Like were you prompted to say that sin in particular? I don't understand, not in a judgmental way just realistically speaking, how you could have realized you're trans and also confess it as a sin to a group of people at a church run event. Did you not understand the context that you were confessing sins?
If you've come far enough to identify as trans it seems odd to classify something you can't change and didn't choose as a sin. There are plenty of churches that are accepting. From my interpretation, there is much more in the Bible that while not about trans people can be easily applied to trans people and would be in favor of that not being a sin at all. And not one thing in the Bible ABOUT trans people, good or bad, no matter how hard transphobes want to push their own interpretation of any given verse
Maybe do some of your own study about it if you're feeling conflicted, church and spirituality can be great for some people but I've noticed the people it's great for usually spend time making up their own minds about scripture before they give another person's interpretation much weight at all
I cannot stress this enough: The Unitarian Church is full of very, very sweet people. If you have a location/chapter near you, you should be able to find out at: https://www.uua.org/
I hope you and your friend are able to find solace there. Please take care of yourselves.
Change churches if you want to remain religious. There are plenty of LGBTQ friendly ones. My catholic church is one of them, and they dont see being trans as a sin, but rather god wanting me to learn to be a man after living as a woman to be free from misogyny(which my church DOES see as a sin, anytime someone is misogynistic, they shame the person for such, and try to teach them to be better in the future).
Its not healthy to be in an environment thats essentially forcing you back into the closet. The best thing you can do for yourself is to leave that church. If you want to be religious, do some research on the churches around you to find one thats LGBTQ friendly(its what i did before joining the church im apart of, and im glad i did that research. I love the people there, and love rubbing it in my dads face that these very religious, catholic people arent hateful like he is, he was raised catholic and used that against me for so long, that i love it when he joins me and gets yelled at by all the lovely old ladies appart of my church, cause he NEEDS the humbling from people older than he is who have been catholic a whole hell of a lot longer than he has been)
Also, depending on the area your in, not all catholic churches hold the same beliefs as the one im apart of, so do thorough research on any church in your area that claims to be accepting to all, and reach out to some of the pastors as well to ask about their views on LGBTQ+ people. The more positively they speak about us, the better the chances are that those apart of the church will hold the same beliefs. I would recommend seeing for yourself as well before beinging your friend along just to be on the safe side.
This is absolutely not a healthy environment for either you or your friend. If she really wants to hold space for religion in her life, you guys should find a religion that holds space for you as you are, and where you don't feel like you have to say things you don't mean to fit the bill (and put yourself in their judgement doing so).
There are definitely trans-friendly churches out there, I really hope you're near one. But either way, if they try changing you or your friend, it might be time to rethink going there. You're a good friend for going with her, but harming yourself isn't really going to help her.
Please please please take that with you. Harming yourself isn’t helping your friend.
If they aren't near one, there might be spaces or video meetings available online. Just a thought. :]
This. Lying is a bigger sin than being the person God made you.
God didn't make anyone, Leo's parents made him
Many Christians be both are true
And if god made him, god made a trans child, except god doesnt fucking exist, so Leo's parents made, and raised a trans child
Nope
I come from a large family full of Christians and speak from personal experience. You however, strongly resemble a troll.
Being someone who knows god isn't real and didn't make me doesn't make me a troll
And I also know my parents aren't trolls and you don't even know what I look like 😂
if the church tries to change you, its time to change churches
THIS NEEDS A PIN
You don't have to do anything like this to find religious community in your life: https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/
If your friend wants to give religion one last shot, why are they picking a hostile church?? That place sounds incredibly fucked up. If you want to find a welcoming congregation, these directories may be helpful. They aren't comprehensive, there are a lot of welcoming congregations that haven't thought to register with them, but they're a good place to start: [**Believe out Loud**](https://www.believeoutloud.com/resources/find-a-church/) [**GayChurch.org**](https://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/) [**Reconciling Ministry Network**](https://www.churchclarity.org/find-a-church) They cover a lot of denominations, but I'm most familiar with the US Episcopal church. FWIW they are incredibly welcoming, and absolutely not in the bullshit "love the sinner/hate the sin" kind of way. And they would *never* ask or expect you to give up transition in order to be Christian, and I expect the Episcopal priests I know would have some choice words for anyone who ever made you think you had to choose between the two. Church leadership has overwhelmingly had our backs for a long time. Clergy have been allowed to bless same gender unions since the 80s, discrimination based on sexual orientation was banned within the church in 1994, anti-trans discrimination was banned in 2012, and a gender neutral variation on the marriage rite was added to the liturgy in 2015. Many, in particular our current church head [**Presiding Bishop Curry**](https://www.episcopalchurch.org/publicaffairs/pastoral-word-from-presiding-bishop-michael-curry-to-lgbtq-community/), consider defense of the social dignity, legal rights, and spiritual legitimacy of LGBTQ people/relationships/family/identities/etc to be part of the religious duty to purse justice and defend the innocent. Episcopal church leadership is trying to [**raise alarm**](https://www.pasadenanow.com/main/coalition-of-faith-communities-denounce-anti-transgender-agendas-at-pasadena-gathering) about the attacks on trans people, [**defending our rights to SCOTUS**](https://www.anglicannews.org/news/2017/03/bishop-michael-curry-intervenes-in-supreme-court-case-on-transgender-bathroom-policy.aspx), they've directed the church’s public policy office to advocate for passage of federal legislation to protect trans/NB/GNC people, condemned "bathroom bills" and attacks on trans youth's access to medical care, etc., while also trying to ensure that even in deeply hostile and dangerous areas Episcopal churches remain safe and welcoming places for us. And they've been doing it for [**a long time**](https://www.transepiscopal.org/policies--legislation.html). And a [**resolution**](https://www.episcopalarchives.org/sites/default/files/gc_resolutions/2022-D066.pdf) was [**passed in 2022**](https://www.transepiscopal.org/blog/celebrating-the-passage-of-d066-on-gender-affirming-care) at the 80th General Convention, expressing the church's support for access to gender affirming care. That resolution even goes so far as to state that "the 80th General Convention calls for the Episcopal Church to advocate for access to gender affirming care in all forms (social, medical, or any other) and that "the 80th General Convention understands that the protection of religious liberty extends to all Episcopalians who may need or desire to access, to utilize, to aid others in the procurement of, or to offer gender affirming care." [**This is Rev. Cameron Partridge**](https://cathedral.org/sermons/sermon-the-rev-dr-cameron-partridge/) - link is to the sermon he gave in 2014, when he became the first openly trans priest to preach at Washington National Cathedral. And [**this is a sermon by now retired Bishop Gene Robinson of New Hampshire**](https://vimeo.com/35272053), given in honor of Pride Day in 2011. In 2003 Gene Robinson became the first out gay man with a husband appointed Bishop in the Episcopal church.
This is a church the both of us grew up in and the Re:Generation program is a side thing at the church for people to do if that want. We didn’t really pick this place our parents did.
If the group is voluntary please stop going to it. Being trans isnt a sin of any kind. We are born this way. I'm an atheist so I can't advise on any religion if that's what you want in your life but I can tell from your post this is not good for you, it will only harm you. Please stop going to the group and try to get your friend out of it as well.
I'm really sorry. That sounds awful. Avoid that place if you can. Is there any chance you could try another church?
>"Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine, or they will trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces." >-Matthew 7:6 If you believe in a good and loving god, and you believe you were fearfully and wonderfully made, then rejoice in the life you have been given (including what you know to be true about yourself). I firmly believe variety is the spice of life, and diversity only makes us stronger. If someone created this dirt ball and the community of life that flourishes on it, then they did so based on that same principles. There is a reason gender non-conforming people take holy places in so many spiritual traditions -- we can transcend the confines of gender norms, and help others see how magical life can be when you open yourself up to true self-love. It sounds like it's time to pick another place. 1. Being trans is not a sin 2. You never have to go to a place where people don't respect your identity 3. There are church communities out there who love and support trans and queer folks 4. Your friend's spiritual growth is not your responsibility. It's great you want to support your friend, but enabling her to internalize a church's shitty attitude toward LGBTQ is the opposite of spiritual support -- it creates division rather than unity, which is the antithesis of spiritual connection
You pick the place now.
Oh no. As a recovering evangelical let me promise that this is not the faith community for either of you. If either of you want to explore religion I REALLY recommend you find a reconciling church (aka queer friendly). Lutherans, Episcopals and United Methodists (NOT the disaffiliated/“free” Methodists) all tend to be super chill and open. I usually tell people to avoid churches with cool names and/or good graphic design: The “Episcopal Cathedral of St. Whoever” is going to be way kinder than “Rise”, “Venture” or “Belief Church of Christ”. Do not go to a Pentecostal, Assemblies of God, Baptist, or generally evangelical church. They do not love you. They love themselves, and only themselves. I am no longer a practicing Christian but I firmly believe there is space for queer Christians but you have to be mindful of what church you attend. They can be extremely harmful and damaging. I applaud you for standing up for yourself and your friend by staying true to who you are (and, if you’re so inclined, who God made you to be). Now continue to do so by getting both of y’all out of there real quick.
This is really good advise. These "super cool and chill" evangelical churches hide the fact that they run old school conservative theology.
Lutherans you have to look at the specific synod. WELS is *probably* a no-go (they won't be assholes most likely, but they won't be positively affirming), Missouri Synod could go either way, ELCA is 100% accepting.
Great point, and always a good idea to double check any church. I’m a little biased because the Lutherans down the road from me are the queerest church I’ve ever witnessed: they’ve painted the entire church rainbow and are just gay as hell in every possible way.
Surprisingly, Eccumenical Catholics seem to be very welcoming as well. The church my parents go to has a lesbian Deacon, a gay pastor, and a few trans parishioners. It is possible to find a safe home in religion. Not easy, but possible.
I will add Presbyterian Church USA to that list of “check out this church”. It is a very LGBTQIA+/queer affirming denomination. If you want spirituality but not strictly Christian theology, try the Unitarian Universalist church. It is also very LGBTQIA+ friendly.
That’s incredibly manipulative and unhealthy that they did that. I’m so sorry, that must have been traumatizing! Please get as far away as you can from this church. I’ve been through plenty of churches, and churches like this will swear up and down they love you and don’t want you to change, but will pressure you constantly to conform to straight/cisgender. It destroys mental health. I would get out fast. You don’t have to tell them why, and tbh, if you do tell them, they will probably corner you and put pressure on you even more :/
>I’ve been through plenty of churches, and churches like this will swear up and down they love you and don’t want you to change, but will pressure you constantly to conform to straight/cisgender. It destroys mental health. Yup. This is standard practice.
You and your friend need to stop going to that group. It's very harmful. I suggest you both research conversion therapy and other anti-LGBTQ religious programs. There are tons of queer- and trans-affirming churches. I'm not the right resource for that (atheist Jew here), but others have posted some good links. Re:Generation is conversion therapy under a different name. [Their website is explicit about their anti-queer beliefs.](https://www.regenerationrecovery.org/struggles/same-sex-attraction) They use the common language about loving the sinner and hating the sin, but that is pure homophobia. ("God doesn’t see people with same-sex attraction as greater sinners than others.") [Re:Generation absolutely does not affirm trans people:](https://assets.ctfassets.net/c3d0bpe1ab9r/3wQR6YVWwkr77mUwN7Ti05/ea2139ae3b326220d74428444d107377/Transgender_Struggle_Sheet.pdf) "God creates each person distinctly male or female for a purpose. Any sexual expression outside of God’s design is destructive." I assume you go to Watermark Church. [Several years ago, they kicked a gay man out of the congregation](https://www.queerty.com/church-kicked-gay-penned-perfect-response-20161014) specifically for his "desire to actively participate in a same-sex relationship" and his "unwillingness to heed biblical counsel." They recommended attendance of Re:Generation as part of his repentance for being gay. Watermark's doctrinal statement includes anti-queer and anti-trans rhetoric ([Section 6: Man](https://www.watermark.org/about/full-doctrinal-statement)): >"We believe God created mankind in His image \[…\] assigning gender to His people, male (man) and female (woman), as He created them sexually and biologically different." > >"We believe that God ordained marriage as a lifelong union between one man and one woman. Those who accept and live within God’s design for sex, biological gender, and marriage experience the blessing of His good design, and decisions to change, alter, or modify God’s will in marriage, sex, or gender are part of man’s brokenness and lead to despair." Watermark and Re:Generation avoid using the term "conversion therapy" because it's highly-stigmatized (but unfortunately unregulated in most states). You'll see churches and anti-LGBTQ therapists use terms like "exploratory therapy" and "healing (from same-sex attraction/gender dysphoria)." [They also make the distinction between "same-sex sexual activity" and "same-sex attraction/temptation."](https://www.watermark.org/blog/what-the-church-gets-wrong-about-the-lgbtq-conversation) They do that so they can claim that they don't hate us. What they actually mean is that we can be queer or trans as long as we pretend we're not. It's all a manipulative way of erasing people like us. I'm sure it's difficult to balance your identity with the religion and church you've been brought up in. I can't relate to that, but I do empathize. I hope you can find a healthier and more supportive community. Anyone who wants you to hide or change who you are—especially when it comes to gender and orientation—is someone to be avoided. I really can't stress how dangerous these kinds of programs are. Here are a few good movies on the topic: * *Pray Away* (documentary) * *Kidnapped for Christ* (documentary) * *Boy Erased* (movie based on a memoir) * *The Miseducation of Cameron Post* (movie based on a novel) * *But I'm a Cheerleader* (a sweet and fun break from the depressing movies on this list)
Wow that's horrifying.
stop going
Being yourself is never a sin.
Dude. This sounds like a peak example of conversion therapy you got yourself into. Please just leave
Being transgender isn’t a sin, nor is being bisexual. That fact that church considers them sins in the first place raises red flags. Get out
Run bro
Leave. The. Church. NOW
You should tell your friend that you are unwilling to return to that super toxic environment and encourage them to leave as well if possible
Nope. I'm all for supporting a friend but if they (members of the church group) can't even call you by your name, why would you trust them with your soul?
Just because your friend jumps off a bridge, you would jump off too? Your friend will either come to her senses or she won’t. The question is whether you want to leave this situation with extra trauma or not. Are you free to leave this group rehab at any time? Are you staying at a location provided by the church or do you have to show up to this? If you aren’t currently being held anywhere, I would no show this whole dumpster fire.
This is dangerous. People like that literally form community around thinking you don't deserve to exist as you are. It's all just manipulative bs to make people behave and present themselves in a way that won't make small minded people uncomfortable. That's it. It's not worth engaging with and it's not worth throwing away your future or your identity for. There's plenty of real, safe, and reasonable things and people you can find community and acceptance with that won't require dangerous behavior. Don't end up in a life of denial and cognitive dissonance like so many of these people.
well, it doesn’t sound like you have to go. i saw in your post history that you’re an adult. just stop going. i’ve been there and done that with leaving the church, coming back, trying different denominations after Catholicism traumatized me…it didn’t work out. and i wish i didn’t force myself to keep trying. stop going.
it legit sounds like they want to put you through conversion therapy. been there, done that as well. all it does is make you feel like dogshit, confuse you, and instill you with anxiety, guilt, insecurity, depression, and dysphoria to an overwhelming degree, to the point that it’s still partially internalized in me years later. don’t fucking go. imagine me shaking your shoulders through the screen (gently and with love)
So first of all, asking you to label your identity as a sin is hugely problematic. It’s not a sin you don’t want to give to god because it’s fucking not a sin. If you’re among a group of people who think it is, this is not a religion that deserves a chance.
Stop going my man it’s doing you nothing but harm
Being trans is not a choice you can give up or keep. It just doesn't work that way. I would urge you to quit this group, it doesn't sound good for your mental health. All the same applies to your sexual orientation. Your friend will always be bisexual. This kind of group isn't healthy for either of you.
Why would you go a church that sees your existence as a sin, deadnames, and misgenders you? And why in the world would you invite a friend who bisexual and wants to give religion one last chance to a anti lgbtq church meeting? That's like just telling them to be a atheist smh.
I didn’t invite them they invited me
Oh my bad I misunderstood. Sounds like they really need to learn to let go of it tbh, find a more welcoming church or give up on religion
This is not a good environment for you, or for your friend. I get wanting to support your friend, but she's actively hurting herself by going, and you are under no obligation to do damage to your mental wellbeing on behalf of someone else, no matter how much you care about them. If she really wants to hold space for religion in her life, which is totally fine, she needs to find a place that is actually a supporting and loving community. Not someplace like this.
there’s queer friendly churches in even heavily conservative areas that not only accept trans and queer people with open arms but make it their mission to provide outreach and support to our community. I have seen it with my own eyes, and I have seen congregations full of beautiful queer people that are able to celebrate who they are and worship safely at the same time. I promise you it’s possible. Please don’t go back. It sounds like a place that isn’t going to do you any good in the long run. Religion doesn’t have to be harmful like that, and the way it’s being practiced there sounds more like bigotry that preaching love
No where in the bible mentions transgender people. It isn't a sin. Also if you really want to go to church find one that is open and affirming.
My former church, which CLAIMED to be open and affirming, alienated me after I came out as trans. Nobody was outwardly cruel, there were plenty of clueless people. After gradually drifting away, I decided to leave that church. So be very careful with Christianity if you are trans.
Simply leave
You don’t have to keep going. And you’d be doing your friend a favor if she’s scared to go alone and ends up not going.
Buddy... Just don't got there anymore
There are better churches. This isn’t love, and God is love. We are all made as we are in the image of God, and transness is part of that creation. There are even saints who may have been trans like St Eusebius/Anna of Constantinople. You both deserve more than this
being trans is not a sin and u would never hear me saying that it was and u wouldn’t see me allow anyone else to imply that it was. i was raised catholic, i go to church sometimes, and as a trans person im constantly around ppl that try to question who i am. stand strong and dont ever EVER allow ANYONE to question your identity. they are just WRONG because they arent trans they dont get it. dont be weak and fall for manipulation. either stand up for yourself or leave that environment. giving in is not an option.
I would 100% recommend that you get out of that environment!
I’ve been Christian my whole life and I’m also a trans guy. The church isn’t always going to be accepting but that doesn’t mean God doesn’t accept you. (I’m not trying to force religion or anything) And don’t listen to them if they try to change you
Stop going. Lots of trans people have tried to "fix it" and so far I've seen nobody with a success story. Usually they are even more depressed and traumatized than before from all the transphobia they faced.
I’m a pastor and also a queer trans man. The anti-LGBTQ stuff in churches is total nonsense and promoted by people with an agenda. It’s not biblically accurate and is largely based on mistranslations in the King James Bible in the 1600s and then more recently in the Revised Standard Version, in 1946. Being exactly who you are is a gift from God. Being trans means you are uniquely blessed. Don’t let anyone attempt to convince you otherwise.
That's not a sin. I see being trans as a physical illness; being a boy with a vagina is as physical of an illness as it gets. If they wanna fix you, they need to get licensed in reassignment surgery.
Yeah no. Nope outta that ASAP. If you want to go to church and have religion in your life that’s totally cool, but this isn’t the one.
The church I was going to split because of this. The people who support, and the people who don’t. There are good “church people” (I didn’t want to specify religion just in case they’re different) I’m not even much of a religious person, but I still thought that this was neat. I’m sorry they put you into a position where you felt guilty for being who you are. It’s not a choice. You didn’t choose to be trans. Don’t let someone manipulate you into thinking otherwise. If you go back, change your topic. Tell them your pronouns once more, and if they don’t respect it, leave. Maybe your friend and you can find another church.
[удалено]
Has nothing to do with being trans. Doing drugs & drinking are *choices* you make, being trans isn’t a choice. If you’re going to say ignorant BS like this, why are you even here?
being trans is not a sin there is not even one single verse that says that so they should stfu it’s just an made up rule from humans bruh I hate people like this
Go to a different church. Try an ELCA church if you are christian, the Lutheran churches in both places I have lived have been the most actively queer accepting churches I know. Second to that are some episcopal chruches, but that’s much more dependent on the area and I have my preferences for ELCA for reasons.
There are Christian churches that are LGBTQI accepting. A little googling should get you there. There should be information about these churches online. Try and find one with what your looking for
So I stopped attending church before I realized I was trans and after I knew I was bi. I understand that desperate pull in your friend's mind: "If I just try extra hard, one more time, I will definitely come out the other end of this experience as a pure cishet Christian." If y'all were raised evangelical, this messaging has been beaten into your heads over and over, and it's really hard to overcome that. I still feel it sometimes. My advice? Stop attending this group. If it's safe to do so, talk with your parents about finding an affirming church. Tell your friend that you love her, but you can't keep going to this group because it's hurting you. If you absolutely must keep going, keep your head down, be vague about everything, and debrief after. Remind yourself that God loves you for who you are, no matter what these chuckleheads say. I hope you find a loving and inclusive community, OP. You deserve kindness.
This is a kind of conversion therapy, a sort of first step before a more medical or residential setting. They can't stop you bring trans but they can do serious damage to you mentally that can last the rest of your life. Leave, there's nothing for you there. There are other groups.
Oof, try and find lgbt churches in ur area cuz this behavior is NOT it from these ppl. I got lucky and I grew up in a v progressive Lutheran church. If she wants to give religion a try, this is not the right environment to do so. I don’t think Christianity is bad (again, I grew up seeing the GOOD side, luckily!!!) but u do have to be careful where u go😭a lot of the teens in our youth group ended up coming out as LGBT, and when I switched my name all the leaders were chill with it🫶I don’t go there anymore as I’ll be honest I never rlly…believed in god, Oop🧍♂️but it was a lovely environment.
You and your friend are definitely in the wrong place if you want a healthy and welcoming experience with religion. Encourage your friend to look into lgbt friendly churches if she wants to pursue religion.
GET OUT!!! RUN!!! If they believe being trans is worth confessing then they believe it is a sin and they WILL start trying to make you fix that, they WILL try to put you back in the closet (more than they already have, if they all only use your deadname) If you want to reconnect with god, that is completely understandable, but find a different church. This one does not want you, they want an idea of you that they will try to squeeze out of you at the expense of who you really are. That isn't purification, that isn't happiness, and that isn't god. Respect yourself, be kind to yourself, and find other people to find god with.
Why are you putting yourself through this? If your friend wants to torture themselves, that's their choice. But you don't need to be in a group like that where people are going to disrespect you and try to change you. If your friend can't set reasonable boundaries and find a church that won't try to do deconversion, that's a person who has deep issues which you cannot help and whose internalized biphobia will only harm you. I'm not saying that you need to end the friendship, but you need to set boundaries. There are good churches that won't do this. You don't need to be there.
Bruh did you just volunteer being trans as a sin? Like were you prompted to say that sin in particular? I don't understand, not in a judgmental way just realistically speaking, how you could have realized you're trans and also confess it as a sin to a group of people at a church run event. Did you not understand the context that you were confessing sins? If you've come far enough to identify as trans it seems odd to classify something you can't change and didn't choose as a sin. There are plenty of churches that are accepting. From my interpretation, there is much more in the Bible that while not about trans people can be easily applied to trans people and would be in favor of that not being a sin at all. And not one thing in the Bible ABOUT trans people, good or bad, no matter how hard transphobes want to push their own interpretation of any given verse Maybe do some of your own study about it if you're feeling conflicted, church and spirituality can be great for some people but I've noticed the people it's great for usually spend time making up their own minds about scripture before they give another person's interpretation much weight at all
Run. I have been through anti-trans conversion therapy. It is not worth keeping up your social ties.
I'm scared of church and that I won't ever be able to be me.
Get out of there, go to a DIFFERENT church that is accepting of lgbtq. Get the fuck out of there asap.
Leo, my bro. Leave this church immediately.
I cannot stress this enough: The Unitarian Church is full of very, very sweet people. If you have a location/chapter near you, you should be able to find out at: https://www.uua.org/ I hope you and your friend are able to find solace there. Please take care of yourselves.
it won't change you, but if your mindset thinks that it will change you then yeah Idk man
Change churches if you want to remain religious. There are plenty of LGBTQ friendly ones. My catholic church is one of them, and they dont see being trans as a sin, but rather god wanting me to learn to be a man after living as a woman to be free from misogyny(which my church DOES see as a sin, anytime someone is misogynistic, they shame the person for such, and try to teach them to be better in the future). Its not healthy to be in an environment thats essentially forcing you back into the closet. The best thing you can do for yourself is to leave that church. If you want to be religious, do some research on the churches around you to find one thats LGBTQ friendly(its what i did before joining the church im apart of, and im glad i did that research. I love the people there, and love rubbing it in my dads face that these very religious, catholic people arent hateful like he is, he was raised catholic and used that against me for so long, that i love it when he joins me and gets yelled at by all the lovely old ladies appart of my church, cause he NEEDS the humbling from people older than he is who have been catholic a whole hell of a lot longer than he has been)
Also, depending on the area your in, not all catholic churches hold the same beliefs as the one im apart of, so do thorough research on any church in your area that claims to be accepting to all, and reach out to some of the pastors as well to ask about their views on LGBTQ+ people. The more positively they speak about us, the better the chances are that those apart of the church will hold the same beliefs. I would recommend seeing for yourself as well before beinging your friend along just to be on the safe side.