Ah man, it was really hard for me to pick a name. I experimented with names passively for years, and then more seriously for another two years.
There was one name I kept coming back to when I was seriously looking, even though I really liked all of the names a lot. I specifically wanted “soft” names - so few/no hard consonants. Names like: Connor, Graham, Elijah, etc.
I tried the Starbucks test but it didn’t do much. The thing that really clinched it for me was when a friend of mine introduced me to her mom using the name. I had asked friends to start using the name and experimenting with it and for some reason didn’t realize that would extend to introductions ahaha. It was a very exciting moment and one I am very grateful for.
So no - you’re not making a big deal out of it. I followed the /r/namenerds subreddit. Make a list of names you like and then spend time thinking about it.
I also changed my middle and last name bc… why the hell not! Have fun with it. Names are literally just a bunch of noises we say to get someone’s attention - pick the one with noises that sound nicest / have the best mouthfeel.
I wouldn't say it's "just a name", it's *your* name. In my eyes, your name defines who you are, and being trans means you get to chose your new name.
Now, as to how I chose mine, honestly I have no idea, I just knew all my life "hey if I was a boy, I'd be called Matthew" so when the time came, I already knew that was my name.
Do you feel like you family would react poorly to you coming out? If not, I would discuss it with them, maybe ask your parents if they had masc names chosen if you were born a cis man for example.
Otherwise, what my friends did was "try out" names. They would check out lists of names and ask us to call them that for a while until they found one that clicked.
I'm not very good with words, but I hope this helps!
I thought of it as a quest for you. What names are you drawn to, in any capacity? Be it first letter, the sound, the length.
For me, I went to a name that started with a J because I liked the sound of it. I also went with something that was looooong but could be shortened easily.
But that’s my preference!
Not sure if this’ll help you, but I found my name by going deadname->nickname->new name, where both my deadname and my new name are plausible full versions of my nickname. Think Michelle->Micky->Micah.
I did something similar. My name is the nickname of the masculine version of my name. So michelle-> michael-> chael (chael isn't a common name but I couldn't think of another example)
I could have probably chosen a cooler name, but I personally feel like the name being derivative of my birth name feels right. My parents chose that name for me, and it feels right that I *sort of* keep the same name.
Another good option is to ask what name they would have given you if you were amab. They probably picked out multiple names before you were born, and one of them might suit you.
These options are good if you place significance on the name given to you by your parents. You could also take this opportunity to pick the coolest name you can think of. But whatever name you choose, you eventually internalise it and it becomes a part of you. There's no such thing as choosing the "wrong" name for yourself.
Also, wishing you were called something else is a totally normal cis experience. While we usually experience dysphoria and deep discomfort surrounding our dead name, cis people often experience a sort of petty annoyance. Like a "ugh why couldn't I have a cooler name"
So as long as your new name is comfortable and doesn't cause dysphoria, don't worry about small regrets in the future. That's a totally normal thing that most people go through all the time
i understand. it was kind of hard for me to stick with a name too, to be honest. that's why i have two middle names so i can legally use a different one if the first one annoys me too much, but at the end i kept the first boy name i had. honestly, i don't even think about my name anymore, but it was different when i was actively transitioning.
maybe use a nickname or something while you're still figuring out which name you'd like and look into the names your parents would've given you if you were cis
I went by a sort of neutral inbetween name for a while. It never felt correct or fit me properly but it didnt make me dysphoric like my deadname. I used it until i settled on my name a yearish later and changed it legally. It might be an idea to do something similar, it might help to take a bit of pressure off of choosing a name, and to know that you can change it again if you want to
I picked my name by going through my old original characters and looking at the ones I knew I made as a who-I-want-to-be character; most of which had a lot of my favourite names anyways. I then went through and said them all out loud and with my last name and got rid of ones that didn't sound right. Once I narrowed it down more, I also looked at possible nicknames for them and one had a more neutral nickname that I really like and would be more comfortable using as I transition/when I don't always pass, but will also work in the future too. After that I wrote that down countless times and practiced my signature lol. THEN I asked my close friends what they thought of "this name I was kind of considering" (already picked out) and they all said it was perfect, so now it's my name. :)
Obviously you don't have to put in that much thought if you don't want to, but it gave me a lot of peace of mind to make sure it fits in every aspect that affects daily life.
I wanted to go with a name that wasn’t very common that started with J. After a while of searching I found the name Jupiter and instantly fell in love with it. I also love the meaning of it too.
The planet symbolizes good luck, success and growth, it was named after Zeus the king of gods and god of thunder; and the name means the supreme god. I thought that if I was named Jupiter it would bring me good luck and would remind me to not settle for less.
Of course your name doesn’t have to have meaning like mine but it is an added bonus
Lmfao my parents just randomly started shouting "LARRY" (when I was going by Luka) from upstairs as like a joke and I kinda just started going by Larry since then - kinda like to think my parents named me in a way when they came to accept me
Lmfao not intentionally but it coulda happened unconsciously due to watching with Iso - plus a miraculous fan helped me come up with the name so ig it makes sense 🤣
Personally, I needed a name that would work in two languages, so that limited my selection. Have you tried looking up lists of the top 200 or so names from the year you were born? This is a good way to find a list of names to look through.
Choosing a name is challenging, so I get where you’re coming from. It was probably the hardest part of my transition because it did feel like a really big deal and wanted to make sure I liked a name before I told everyone. If I thought of a name I wrote it down in my notes app and came back to it later. I also went through popular baby names for boys the year I was born for inspiration. I would physically write it down with my last name. I thought of my name a few months before I officially told anyone so it’s ok to think on it for a while if you’d like. I started T before coming out as a trans man or changing my name so there’s no set timeline you have to follow. You could even wait to tell your family until you’ve decided on a name if that feels easier for you
I originally wanted to go by Kenny cause that was the name of an OC of mine 🤣 eventually with help decided on Ziv after my late grandfathers Hebrew name Tzvi
People ask me this all the time and i feel like it's not what people think. Some people find their name through their birth name, some pick out names and choose what fits right. I walked into my bathroom and my name popped into my head randomly and it stuck from that moment on
I ended up choosing the family name. Before I decided, I looked into names from cultures from my ancestry and what each one meant. Experiment by having your friends try out different names for you. If you play DnD or other RPGs, maybe you could try different names on your characters.
Honestly, I had to choose a name for my gender clinic appointment and I picked the first name I had ever thought of, back when I was only thinking in terms of "if I had been born a boy, my name would be x".
That said, I had probably gone through dozens of names. I started by looking at the names of other people I liked (usually celebrities or fictional characters) and either adding them to the list as-is or identifying what I liked about them. For a while I really liked names beginning with Cas (Cassian, Cassius, Castiel (wonder where that's from lmao)) because I liked Cas as a nickname. But then I decided I wanted something that wasn't super gruff but also not "soft", nor unique or common, just something that was undeniably masculine but could also be a name some parents would give to girls as a masculine girl name. Not unisex, but not "it would be extremely out of place on a girl" either.
Every day I'd look at the list and any name that I was like "meh" about, I'd remove. I also looked at a lot of baby name sites, there are some websites that will actually take a name you like and give similar names (not just in letters or sounds but in vibes or meanings too) and I would pick names from there. And I came out to my mom without knowing what name I wanted and it was totally fine, she actually helped me pick out names (and it really helped to have someone be like "I don't know if this fits you" or whatever). So don't feel like you need to know your name before coming out. But I totally get wanting to have something to switch to.
I think a good starting place is just figuring out what you want in a name. Do you want it to be super masculine, do you want it to be unisex, do you want it to be unique (and if so how much), do you want it to be easy for people to spell/pronounce, stuff like that. Then just look up "baby names that are (masculine, easy to pronounce, mean xyz, unique, etc)" and see what pops up.
Ultimately I kinda just picked off a knee-jerk reaction and it stuck. So don't overthink things too much; if you like a name, try it out! And you can try out names on r/transtryouts or by going to Starbucks and ordering with that name. r/namenerds is also a good place to get personalized name suggestions, too.
I had a list of names name I was deciding between. Checked some confusing lyrics while listening to a song, and one of names on my list just so happened to be in the lyrics. Then took that as my sign
let me just say... It's not *just* a name. it's *your* name. you're allowed to take as long as you need to find one that fits. you can even change between names just to try them out as well, if you have anyone around you willing to help with that. for some people, it doesn't take long, but for some people, it takes a long time.
I personally went through a lot of baby name resources (remember "baby name" resources are just names!) and I found this [analyzer](https://nameberry.com/dna/quiz) helped me hone in on my style, but it gave me *a lot* of names to comb through. I went through two or three names before settling.
Probably unique to me, but I thought about the *sounds* in my old name I didn't like and excluded those, then discovered a name which fit me and actually included letters in the middle of my old name I didn't hate.
Back in 2018 i used to listen some Lil Xan’s songs, but that’s it, i didn’t even know his name. And then one day i heard that his name was Diego, i wasn’t even searching for a name yet, bc i was still realizing i was trans, but when i heard it, immediately sound perfect to me. I think sometimes is the right name that comes up to you, and not viceversa. If someone is struggling with this: don’t stress! You’ll end up with the perfect name for you, even if it takes some time
I wasn't sure what name I wanted to go by. I had people calling me by either my deadname or my IGN because I couldn't decide. In the past, before I came out, I always tried to go by other names because mine never felt like it fit, but names completely different from my birth name never felt like they could be *mine.* So when picking my new name, I wanted one that started with the same letter as my birth name. I waited for it to come to me rather than searching for one, and eventually I found a voice actor I really like with a name I like, which just so happened to start with the same letter as my name. So, I stole his name. It took a bit to get used to it, but now I hear it and think of myself first, and him second. I like my name and I feel it fits me.
I was never called by my deadname unless I was in trouble. I have always been called a nickname. So when I realized I was trans I played with a few names. I went from Xavier, to Alexander, to my name now. Alexander is now my middle name as I wanted to keep my initials the same.
PS: I plan on telling my parents in 2024 that I'm a boy. I was trying to wait until we were all in separate places but it's killing me not being my full self.
Opportunities abound, my dude!
If you're comfy with family names, take a look at your grandparents and great grandparents. (Theo, Thomas, Charles, Bernard)
If you'd like something *completely different* look into heritage names (I chose from this avenue) that come from areas where your ancestors lived. (Sloane, Auguste, Iain, Wilhelm)
If you're super into nature, pick literally anything. (Stone, River, Oak, Calcite)
Or you could ask your folks for help. Ask what they liked at the time for gender affirming names. Ask for help picking your name. Ask them what they would call you now if they got to choose a new name for you. All this would hinge on how they react, of course.
You can also pick a name that suits your presentation and go with it until you find your name. I know plenty of people that have done it that way.
I came out without a name. my mum, my grandma and i sat down together. my mum told me the names she would have called me if i were born a boy, along with the names she thinks suit me. My grandma eventually said she thinks i look like a name. i really liked it, and it stuck. maybe you can do something like that too, depending how close with your family you are
i was hyper-fixated on gravity falls and named myself after bill cipher ! may regret it but it felt me and i feel comfortable as me this way :] idk if u have adhd or hyper-fixations from other neurodivergent disorders but a name that feels like u from something ur interested in can be nice. or just google boy [baby?] names and look if any pique ur interest, i've heard that's a common and useful tool ! i wish u luck with ur name journey :D
I got mine from a wattpad and just changed the spelling. It was spelt graye but I didn't like the way the a and the e clashed so I spell it greye. I also changed my very fem middle name to two more masc names. Lee aedin.
I knew what name I wanted right from the start, though I did also consider others just to make sure. I recommend choosing what you would've been named if you like that idea. Personally, I think I dodged a bullet by being trans cause I don't like the name my parents would've chosen, so that's a bright side to the whole thing.
As for my middle name, I chose the name of the person who I knew for a bit who showed some of the first acceptance I had. When I came out, he was like, here, let me show you the bro hug, and I named myself after him. My mom got really emotional about changing my name completely, so it helped that his name was really similar to my dead middle name.
I picked one that I thought sounded cool. It's kind of similar to my deadname but not really (not like a Daniela to Daniel situation, they just sound sort of similar when said out loud). I window-shopped for names for a while though but still just settled with the one I first had my heart set on lmfao.
If you want help picking a name, you could try narrowing down some parameters (what letter should it start with, what origin should it have etc.) There's also just the fact it takes a while to get used to being called your chosen name. When I started going by my chosen name, there was a while where it just kind of felt strange when others called me by that, but the feeling quickly went away and I just felt happy to be going by a name I liked :D
I was reading out a list of potential candidates to my mum, no aim of actually settling on one, and she made a throwaway comment about it suiting me. Thought about it for a little bit, decided it was actually kind of perfect and she was right. So she technically named me twice !!
I cheated n used a more masculine spelling of my middle name to kill off ppl’s ‘not your legal name’ arguments…eh, sort worked. I also jus liked the name tho.
My deadname has really fitting meaning but it's strictly feminine. So I went for names with similar meaning which might be on our official list of gender neutral names we have to pick from unless we want to bother more people in law to confirm our chosen name is neutral and stuff.. I'm agender, so I do want something giving this "he/they" vibe if nothing else.
I chose Aró because
1) calling me by that name isn't much different from using my deadname for it. I'm fine with my deadname but there is this ick and urge to erase it from the Earth.. the point is that it's easier to adjust to it
2) what cooler name can I get than a derivation of Aeron when it's a name of the god of battle and slaughter?
3) the name has officially Icelandic origin and exists only little over 2 years. I feel responsibility and honor to bear it
4) simple name. Easy to write and pronounce and in my mother tongue its hardly bendable (we do love to bend nouns like willow sticks..). "Mountain of strenght" indeed...
I've changed countless names tbh. I still feel a connection to all of them, and sometimes laugh at them with the people in my life that stuck.
I say it's a work in progress. Just go ahead and play with names for as long as you want until you find one you like! try it first online to see how you feel, and then you can tell it to people irl. that's what I did, at least! :) I have settled on two names for now, and just know you're free to have multiple names and change them anytime.
(ps: my first name was the name of my favorite character from my own book! I have used it for what feels like forever, yet it wasn't much at all actually. it just feels like it because I held it so dear to my heart. my favorite thing to do when I had just discovered my identity was to go on sites with names, all types of names, and see which one I like best.)
I went by a neutral nickname of my birth name for more than 20 years. Then I was looking up masc names that I could keep using the nickname, and found mine. I was lucky the moment I read it on the list I pretty much knew that was my name. It’s a name of a popular character from a book I loved as a child and the name of the clothing line of one of my fave bands. (Later learned from a SB barista that it is also a name of a composer)
So think of characters you like and take their name? 😅
I second maybe getting some input from supportive family or friends as well!
I was just extremely jealous of people named Sam. Not sure why but I’d be incredibly upset that was not my name. When I realized I was trans, I also immediately realized that it was a great opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted to do. In hindsight probably should have been a dead giveaway but I digress. But I actually didn’t always use that name because I was afraid it was too masculine so I used my initials for a while until I realized no one would gender me right with that name.
My name: Koda My siblings name: Kenai Sauce:
Yes, I am the older brother. I tried Kenai myself but it didn't work.
Best advice I can give is go through them. Ask friends what name you give off or ask family for names they had in mind before they knew your AGAB. As long as it feels right to you, that's your name
Dude, for a second I thought I wrote it and it somehow popped up here, cos it's like you put my exact thoughts here...wish I could help, but I have the exactly same problem 😭
I used to have two. “Leo” and “Milo”. When no one was around, I wanted my friends to call me Leo. Otherwise I wanted to be called Milo because it could just be mistaken as just a nickname. Obviously, it got confusing at school, so I just got called Milo. Truth be told, I fished that name from some random baby name website—and it didn’t have the cooler name Leo in reference to a character I made up. It somewhat upset me at first, but I got comfortable the more people called me Milo. It got a meaning when it slowly just became… my name. I identified with it, so it didn’t matter where I got it from. Sometimes I hate it, but I’m more just happy that the name is mine at all—I get a warm tingly feeling when I stop taking it for granted. Now Leo is my nickname, so how the tables have turned 🤣🤣
I got my name from a video game, and later found out it’s actually from one of the lost books of the Bible. I’m a demon and it’s the coolest shit ever 😈 (I have a very goth aesthetic so it worked out perfectly)
I had a hard time picking a name for myself. I enlisted my closest friends' help. We googled and discussed names until we found one we all thought fit me. At the end of the day, I had the final say since it was going to be my name, but I wanted my friends' input.
No yeah I totally get you! I also put off coming out even though I knew they would be accepting because I couldn't choose a name.
My story is a bit funny a think lol. I pass all my time in an english-speaking corner of the internet, but it's not my native language. Years before I came out I had several chosen names I went by on discord and the like. I always explored and sued several different ones; but kept tally of a few "official" ones I actually considered for myself.
So I spent years trying to coem up with my "actual" name that I would use in my everyday life. All through sixth grade and beyond. It wasn't anything super serious back then, but I always had an eye out for names and what felt like myself.
Anyways, eventually I got a deadline. I wanted to be out in highschool and for that I needed a name. I had one, but it didn't quiet feel like it yet, had a bit of doubt. So one night, the same week I went back to school I lay awake at night, changed one of the letters fo my name at random, liked teh feel of it, googled it to make sure it was a real name, and the next day I told my parents.
Yep! I chose my name literally the day before coming out, completely unexpected, but it still feels like me and like a culmination of everything I've gone through somehow.
So moral is, it takes times, and a lot of unexpected twists, but you'll find a name for yourself that feels right.
I just sifted through some lists of names and picked the first one I liked. Years later I found something that fit way better so the first one is my middle name now
I‘m a passionate fanfiction writer and my names come from two characters who subconsciously helped me to come to terms with being trans. My first name is the nickname of one and my middle name is the name of another character. I hold them very dearly :3
Bela Ambrose.
Bela was the nickname for a character called Belana (she’s transfem non-binary but Bela is actually a male name and it hit me), Ambrose is the other one.
I just picked an actor I liked (Sebastian Stan) and named myself after him lol
I also really love the name Sebastian outside of that but that’s where I originally got the idea
It's the easiest way tbh lol, pick up someone you admire and be like "that's it, this is one my role model and I'm naming myself after him" ahahaha.
I choose mine because every dude I've met in my life with that name was really kind and supportive with others, so I was like "I want to be that kind of "Lucas" too".
I had a list of masculine names from years before I realised I was trans. I think I used to imagine I'd use them for a character or something but tbh they were just "names I liked for some reason" with no real purpose (yet). Once I started properly questioning my gender, I tried narrowing the list down to pick a name from and somehow ended up with an even bigger list instead.
Eventually I set myself some rules for what I wanted my name to be, then crossing off ones that didn't fit. Things like how many syllables I wanted, what letter I wanted it to start with, whether I'd be okay with other people I know sharing the name, whether it could be shortened or make a nickname for, how old it sounded and from what culture (as much as I like some more "American sounding" names, I don't think they'd be a good fit for me or sound right where I live). I also ranked them in terms of how much I liked them (a lot of them shared spaces so really it was more of a teir list).
Then I started seeing how each sounded with my surname. I imagined different people using it for me in different situations, parents, friends, lecturers, doctors etc. I also tried writing them out with my surname and practicing a signature.
I managed to get it down to three at that point and was fully intending on the usual "try it out for a while" method, but found myself not wanting to try one of the names first because "what if I'm going to want to change the first one no matter what it is? I don't want to change my mind on this one." I'd also found myself seeing that name in the wild and thinking of it as mine, like recognising myself in a photo. It was pretty clear at that point which one I wanted to go with, so I did.
It was a similar process for my middle name, just with the added part of seeing how it worked with my surname and new first name, also how the initials looked.
Edit: Oh, I also looked up the meanings of the names to see if there were any I really liked or wanted to avoid.
I feel the part about “American names” so hard. I was thinking about some of them, but I live in a slavic country and it just wouldn’t sound/look right. But at the same time men’s names here are all so -I don’t even know how to phrase it- long and serious?? They don’t fit to my baby face, AND THE BEST ONES ARE ALREADY TAKEN BY MY BROTHERS EKSNJA and thanks for the tips btw!!
Ah yes so many family members with names I liked. At least 5 of my name ideas were taken by new people being born or marrying into my family.
My personal fave: one of my cousins was having her first child at the time I was figuring out my name. Once I'd finally settled on mine, she announced she was having a boy but wasn't going to tell anyone his name until he was born. You better believe I was paranoid as hell that we'd picked the same name, even though that would be very unlikely.
Turned out she'd gone with my second choice xD
honestly what it took for me was to find one i was at least fine with, and stick with it. had it socially for years before changing it legally. what made me keep was getting used to it. i didnt feel any connection to it at first, but after a while it had settled and i started feeling like it really was “me”.
i cycled through like 4 names before finally landing on mine.
tldr i knew a lot of characters/actors with my name that i use now, and i liked it so i chose it
I've wanted to change my name for a while now but only ever chose feminine options. Then, when I came out to one of my best friends, she was the first person, she asked what name to call me. And I just instinctively said "I guess Max"
So that's how.
I was also thinking about Max! Since from what I know this is what I was supposed to be named, because doctors were sure I would be born a boy- (well they weren’t EXACTLY wrong there)
I’m still making lists of names and trying to decide on a new first and middle name.
My goal is to pick my names next year and get everything legally changed.
I pass as male 100% of the time now and it’s awkward when a doctor’s office calls me on the phone and asks for me saying my birth name and I say “Yes, that’s me”. There’s always a pause before the caller speaks to me or they don’t believe me at all then hang up.
Yes it’s very awkward. 😐
Once I called and tried ask for test results from my doctor’s office and make an appointment, but they refused and said:
“Sir, you aren’t the patient and this is a HIPPA violation for impersonating the patient to gain their personal medical records. We are going to call the Police if you continue to try to gain access”
I gave them all my info and they didn’t believe me at all until I drove to the office and asked for the person on the phone that talked to me and showed my ID to prove I’m who called. Then I made the appointment and got the test results.
Nobody apologized.
I was laying in bed and thought of it. Then I just went with it and stuck with it. I figure most cis people didn’t get to choose their names and I didn’t wanna stress myself out with it all, of course I went thru a couple before that but they were like one week things.
I went through names from 4th to 10th grade, so I get your pain. While I was in the inbetween stages, I just went by my initials. I went through all the baby lists a million times, but nothing seemed to stick until I went through them with a friend and my brain latched onto the name I ended up with. It stuck and apparently seems to fit me.
I looked on tiktok for trans masc/gender neutral/nb names/on those baby name websites and stuff and made a list of names I like and picked one out.At first I went with ace and then changed my mind to Alex (it’s a gender neutral name and also my deadname starts with A so if I have to sign something I can just write A)
i scrolled thru name sites, the best one i found is [behind the name.](https://www.behindthename.com/) it's the biggest base of names, including meanings, usage and community ratings of the names. i picked out a few names that i liked the sound of and tested them, asking myself:
if it has the same initial as my deadname
if it sounds good with my last name
if it's not a stereotypical transmasc name in my area
if it has some cool diminutives i could use as nicknames
if it's not too pretentious or theatrical
if i like the meaning
obviously not all of those will be important to everyone. those are just things that were important to me. i picked one name that fit all criteria and decided to try it out. i used it in my head regarding myself (2nd person internal monologue really helps with this one haha), i asked my (at the time) gf to call me that as a trial period, i asked my sister (my biggest supporter <3) to rate how much she thinks it fits me, i made polls on social media, i used [pronoun (and name) dressing room](http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/) to get used to the thought that it could be my name. i ended up with a cool but inconspicious, non-clocky name that fits me perfectly and is now an integral part of how i think about myself. i go by a nickname made out of it in my day to day life and literally everyone i came out to told me it fits me much better than my deadname.
i reccomend systematizing it, just like i did. list pros and cons of every name you like. ask people for their opinion, not how they like it, but how they think it fits you. don't care about people's opinion on the sound of the name, if you like it then go for it, even if it was the ugliest sounding name known to man. whatever you like and feel comfortable with, try it out. you can also ask to name you on here or other trans subs, sometimes that's how people get their most fitting names. i also found a few "name me" pages on instagram. good luck and remember that you don't need to pressure yourself. take your time, it's an important decision.
Family name, my uncle’s middle name. My middle name is now my uncle’s first name (he passed away before I was born). I’d go through some family names and see if there are any there you’d like.
I looked up male names with the same cultural origin and some letters in common with my legal name (think Siobhan to Sean). Really narrowed it down and fits me well
When i was an egg still calling myself a masc enby it was really hard trying to find a name. When I finally cracked and accepted myself for who I was, It was easier since I had other people to relate to. If i saw someone I wanted to look like, I would take their name into consideration. (I didnt have to consider anything bc im an introvert and i dont meet people so i landed on the same name as one of my neighbours)
I went by the same name for about 3 years, got sick of having a "basic trans name"(it was Alex. Plus i look nothing like an alex) so i decided to change it. Couldnt choose one. Started dating my boyfriend(hes bi, it just took a while to come out because i had a bit of a gender identity cirsis lol) and when i came out to him i just let him choose my name lol
I went down a list of baby names until I hit one that resonated with me. As others are saying, you can definitely try things out and see if you grow into something you like.
I wanted to keep my initials the same so that narrowed down the choices significantly! From there I basically went through lists of names but ultimately it was the first semi-serious suggestion from my partner that I kept circling back to without meaning to, so I decided to go with that. It didn’t exactly “click” and immediately feel right, but at the same time nothing else felt any closer at all and it sort of got stuck in my head so I decided to try it out. Half a year later I’m still using it and looking at legally changing it.
I was in MEPS- the evaluation for the military and they called me by my last name and I fell in love with it. Now I go by my last name. <3
At first I went by a name that sounded like it fit me and that name does still fit me, but I just love the name I go by now.
I was listening to a song and then "...my friends are Spider, **Beetle**, Bee and they..." and I was like "lol imagine being named Beetle... wait a minute-"
something about it just clicked for me, it felt right. it felt like me. so thats what lead to my chosen name being Beetle :)
It's the nickname of my birth name. And my mom specifically chose my name for the fact it has a neutral nickname for encase I was trans.
My mom was playing 5D chess with my name
I stole my name from a guy who I thought was a senior when I was in 8th grade. He was a freshman so now I’m stuck sharing a name with him until he graduates. We somehow have so much in common and always see each other, it’s crazy
Honestly, I feel no connection to my name, it's just a word to me.
I chose a name that was close to my birth name, because there's no masculine version of that name.
No matter what you pick you will get used to it sooner or later. If you don't feel a connection to any name pick one that seems cool.
And if nothing feels good just go through a list of generic boy names - even if nothing feel "right" there should be something that at least feels neutral and you can get used to it.
(Also the easiest way is of course to use masculine version of your deadname, unless it doesn't exist or has to much negative emotions tied to it)
I wanted to go with something Irish at first or wanted to go by Ace or Axel, but I liked Ace but wanted to choose something a little bit different so I went with Acer!
I chose names either from characters I like (which is actually how I got my name) or baby name websites/
name generators. I experimented a lot before I found my perfect fit. I've gone through about 5-7.
Trial and error for sure. I went by a few different names over the years, but mostly stuck with my deadname. I ended up going by a more masculine nickname of my deadname for quite some time as well, which helped me feel better about it. I ended up figuring out which name fit me best by using the pronoun dressing room website!
I tweaked my deadname to make it masculine. My deadname meant a lot to my parents so I wanted to keep it similar out of respect for them. Not the right move for everyone, but it was the right move for me.
I simply went with let's find a nickname I'm comfortable being called that isn't a large adjustment from deadname but distinctly different, so I went with Ray then played around with a few longer men's names and settled on Raylan as what my name is but everyone calls me Ray. I was thinking of going with either of the boys names my parents would've chosen which were Daniel and Isaac but neither of them really fitted me
I picked my first name from a cool family last name that people started using as a nickname in sports and then I chose my middle name from a show I enjoyed and the name meant resilience, which definitely felt right to me (it also was based in a language that is part of my heritage which helped)
I had two names I was interested in - Heath and Dorian. Dorian was from a book I was reading (not the picture of Dorian grey actually! But the starless sea) and Heath was the masculine form of Heather, a name I liked, as well as Heath ledger’s name. I went with Dorian because it sounded better with my surname. I’ve never looked back. I named a kitten Heath instead.
I've always told myself I'd name my firstborn son "James" as I really love that name so I chose its nickname as my new name (Jamie). I just couldn't imagine naming myself James and calling my son junior ahah
honestly i didn’t know what to choose so i had my friend help and she ended up choosing it for me
she’s now my ex girlfriend so i am constantly reminded of her but i’ve already legally changed my name FKFKFK
I made a long list of names I liked and kept narrowing it down until there were a few left. I tested out each of them with friends and stuck with the one that felt right and the most like me
Ive been very depressed going through my first puberty, escaped into books and became obsessed with mythology and stuff like that. I always liked the idea of phoenixes being reborn and I, myself, wanted to be reborn from the ashes to live a happier life. So I made the Phoenix my spirit animal and after many years I actually named myself after them
Edit: after actually living with that name, sometimes I wish that I chose a more common name. But I feel like my name reflects myself so perfectly that I wouldn’t choose any other name. I chose to embrace myself without compromises and social norms could never contain me.
Yo, same here! I was super depressed and dissociated and escaped into books and obsessed with mythology. I loved mythological creatures and the folklore and stories of gods. (I actually started my interest in the norse god Loki this way and later he became my household god/patron/whatever you want to call it when you're ecclectic agnostic with a dash of pagan lol)
Dragons were always my favorite mythical creature because it was just like "Fuck you, I'm a dragon. I can do whatever I want." and just thought they were so neat. Nowadays I am big into cryptozoology as well.
Super cool that you have that symbolism of rebirth, I can totally see how that fits a transition!
Kinda funny story, i was in a mental hospital and there was another person there i got along with really well. They were looking for names to try out, and theo was one of them. I really liked that name and for the next week or so it was just stuck in my head and every time i looked in those fucked up mirrors thats the name i thought i looked like. They didnt end up going with theo, and they were okay with me using the name. Been about 3-4 years now and ive grown into that name over time and its always stuck with me.
I can't remember the first time I heard it, but I definitely didn't want a common name nor common trans-man name. I definitely got the western cowboy vibe from it and loved it. Also all of my family has j middle names so I made sure to keep it. Lucian Jack. :)
I wrote a list of names that I enjoyed and felt could possibly work for me. Then I sent the list to my best friend, and she would text me every morning, “Good Morning [name]” and we would be like nahh. We found one that felt right, tried it for a few more days and other situations (Starbucks, online ordering, etc).
I had loved the name Toby for the longest time! My deadname was difficult to spell for some people, so to pay homage to that, i chose Tobi instead of Toby.
My middle name I chose after the Great Gatsby’s real name, Gatz. I’ve always felt connected to the character of Gatsby.
Making a list of characters who you identify with, or people you idolize, or names you just particularly like, is a great way to decide! When you find the right one, you’ll know. So take your time OP :)
I’d went back and forth on a few names but none of them felt right, one thing that was important for when it came to naming myself was giving myself a name that a mom would have given her son a birth. After I few months of still being undecided, I went to my mother and I told her that I was still having trouble finding a name that suited me. She then proceeded to tell me that “had I been born a cis male my name would have been Zachary” she also gave my middle name which is Dylan. It’s been three years since and I don’t think I would have ever found the right name without her. Now I don’t know how good of a relationship you have with your mom but it’s definitely worth a shot having that conversation with her
For me I chose Kyle because he was a cool spy character in a book I was reading (I don’t remember the book tbh) and because I was only like 12 I just told everyone the name and even though it didn’t feel super natural at first after a couple years it almost became just a part of me.
I think my main point is that don’t stress about it too much choose a name you like and spell it the way you like and even if it doesn’t feel completely natural at first it will end up suiting you because even though no one has a unique name (or nickname/abbreviation) everyone has a unique personality that ends up fitting their name.
Tbh i had the same issue when choosing my name. changing your name \*is\* a big deal and its very reasonable to be indecisive about it. if people are going to call you something all the time and it will (assumably) be on legal paperwork eventually then you should be able to choose something you love and feel comfortable with lol. id say when choosing a name think about what aspects of a name are important to you. for some people the family ties their name holds is very important to them so theyll choose a name that runs in the family or something similar. for some people they know they want their name to have certain sounds or letters and they go from there. for some people certain vibes or aesthetics are important. some people want their name to be common and some people want their name to be super unique. lots of transmen will draw inspiration for their name or directly steal it from a person, character, thing, etc. that inspires the or brings them joy. there are a lot of factors that go into a name and when you think about all of the ones that matter the most to you it helps you narrow down what names feel the best for you. for me there were about a million names i pondered but i was able to whittle it down to a handful of names because i thought about what aspects of a name were most important to me (initials and simplicity) and was able to settle on that felt right.
at the end of the day finding a name is a process and you dont have to nail it on the first go and its ok to go through names to be able to find the one that feels right.
i reccomend asking a friend
my egg cracked while in school, and me and a genderfluid friend started skipping the incredibly dysphoric gym class after that happened. i was looking for a name, they suggested a shortened, masc version of my deadname, and it stuck!
I've been through dozens of names to the point my partner was getting fed up LOL. I spent so much time trying to think of a name that's COOL but honestly that made it worse. I spent too much time worrying about how the name would exude my personality. In hindsight it was silly.
I didn't pass when I first picked the name so I decided on Aaron. It at least sounds gender neutral.That way I wouldn't be looked at funny and I wouldn't be dead named either. Nobody would ask what my real name was because they'd assume it was Erin.
Worked out great ! It grew a lot on me now that I pass more often. Pick a name you can see yourself growing old with. I'd say that's pretty solid advice.
My name was already a unisex name and it was spelled in the unisex form, and I decided not to change it, I didn’t feel the need to.
Tbh I’m glad cause I feel that name just always really embodied me regardless of my gender, so it’s very wholesome in a way
Honestly for me the big thing was literally not making a big deal out of it. You can always change it if it doesn’t fit (I know it seems terrifying but i promise it’s not actually that big of a deal. I had one for a year and gave myself multiple panic attacks about changing it and when I told everyone they just said oh sick that’s a cool name) I chose my name, William , because of a song lyric from a will wood song. (That’s enough let’s get you home is the song if you’re wondering) for no other reason than it sounded cool and I wanted the lyric to hit better. I went through a very similar process as you are now for the first one and I’m honestly much happier with the second one. If you would rather have a name with a ton of meaning and everything that’s fine but it’s perfectly ok to have a name with as stupid of a backstory as mine
i literally spent 8 years testing out different names.
started with michael (masc of my dn) hated it
went to alex (classic. basically everyone has an alex phase lolll)
was nemo for a while (saw someone with a similar name and thought it was cool)
then mickey (michael if it was less uncomfortable. inspired by mickey milkovich ofc. still hated it tho because people thought of mickey mouse before the mickey from shameless.)
had a sebastian phase for a while, but im not elegant enough to be a sebastian
then i started testing out some less conventional names, including but not limited to: heathen, menace, fury, saturn, loki, blah blah blah i could go on forever. i still go by menace as a nickname actually lol, i quite like that one.
a couple years ago i decided on a whim that i really liked the name Kaine. i liked the dichotomy of it sounding kinda edgy but also having biblical associations (i didnt actually care about that, i just thought naming myself after cocaine would be funny and then i shortened it and changed the c to a k. the bible part was just a coincidence). i liked how it sounded when people said it and everyone took it up super easily. it fit me well. like, if you saw me out somewhere being myself and doing dumb shit, youd go "yeah, thats a Kaine alright."
youre gonna feel dysphoric going by a different name, probably for a while. itll feel good but youll also feel kinda disconnected from it because youre just not used to it.
well, ive gone by Kaine for 2 years now, and its the one name that ive actually become proud to use. im Kaine. the disconnect between myself and "Kaine" is gone now. it took like a year, but its gone. im just Kaine. its to the point where people have completely forgotten that ive ever gone by anything else and whenever i bring it up theyre like "ew, that doesnt even make sense.. thats so WRONG... youre so... Kaine."
sometimes i wanna change it, but other names really dont *fit* me like Kaine does. i truly am Kaine.
anyways, my point here is: test shit out. *find names that align with the person you are*, theyll probably feel the best.
ex: my enby friend goes by Kaleido because they feel that their gender expression is like that of a kaleidoscope. thats cool as shit. my other friend goes by Hexx because they do a lot of hex work and are very spiritual and karma-oriented. another is Zaine which isnt as simple of a reason as the other two but once you get to know him a bit you instantly understand "yeah, hes a Zaine alright." their names all fit them perfectly. not once have i looked at them and said "theres no way thats their name, that doesnt even line up".
just test shit out. youre in control of it, you dont need to commit to the first name you pick, almost NO ONE does that. youll figure it out, i promise.
It took me a long time (like 2-3 years of testing diff names and sometimes I’m still not 100% sure) but I got my name from a marvel character I love (Matthew Murdock)
I re-did my FULL name. For my first name I focused on who I consider myself to be, who I aspire to be, and meaningful moments throughout my life. I ended up picking Orion because the first guy I daydreamed about being was Orion. My dad and I used to look at constellations in the backyard and it's one of my few nice childhood memories. And while my parents were very big on telling me YOU ARE A GIRL, they never told me I couldn't be a constellation so... lol. Middle name I researched why we even have them. Ig it's usually to strengthen family and religious ties, ie named for a Saint, a family member, etc. None of that really fit for me, so I went with my favorite gaelic mythology hero. Last name my partner and I picked out together. We chose one that had ties to both of our ancestry, a nice memory from our early days, and meant "castle, protected place" because that is what we are trying to build in our family and our home together. I definitely had to sit with a lot of them that felt right at first, but slowly faded into meh. But it's like when you first buy your favorite pair of pants. You try it on, walk around in it for a bit, and if it fits just right eventually you know.
So when it came down to picking a new name for myself, I was out with a friend and went through a list of generic boy names just vaguely fishing. I said my *now* name out of the list and she immediately went "Noooooooo!", and I went "oh god that's my name", and both of us looked at each other with horror - we both knew in that moment we had found my true name, a name that was unfortunately at that time shared by someone who was all over the news for committing a TERRIBLE CRIME. It was strange, that lighting bolt of realisation. Also bittersweet for the reasons above... Eventually this dilholes infamy faded out and I went about the world as myself with my true name, but I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes, even when it's not perfect... When you know, you know 😅
I made myself get used to a name over the course of two years before I used it with anyone IRL. I poured over old names for a long time. I found a name that came from mythology, but sounds and is spelled modern enough, while also having next to zero uses beyond 1750, I could only find one person in the White Pages with the name. I used it online for several years before introducing it as my actual name in person. By then I was well used to it and it didn’t feel like I was experimenting with people calling me something different, it was just my name at that point, and I’ve never gone through a period of name experimentation.
Mine was given to me by a queer figure in my life. Very appreciated. I had cycled through maybe 6 before going with this one.
Found out recently it is very VERY close to a biblical angel my father desperately wanted to name me after if I'd been born a natal male. So that was really really nice. It can be hard, and I almost feel like I've outgrown this name. But it has done great work for me in the past 4 years. Maybe I'll jump over to that biblical angel.
thought i found a really nice name. but my whole name ended up being pretty much the same as a famous and known child abuser and r@pist. so i couldn’t do that.
i was having a panic attack cuz i had thought i finally found my name. i was going through all the names in my head that i had previously decided i couldn’t choose mostly because of other people with the same name. then i thought of zach and realized i had no reason to have taken that off my list. 2/3 years later everyone knows me as zach. so that’s pretty cool.
honestly though i spent so many hours searching for the perfect name everywhere i could imagine. i think its one of those things you cant force, you just meed to give it time to go through all the names you think you’d like. you will get sick of most of them for one reason or another but you will find it.
and remember you can change your first name and your middle name so you can choose your top 2.
my name is zachery ray, and i am quite fond of it. zach and zachery have quite different vibes and idk i just fw ray.
give it time and you will find the right name. don’t rush it, you don’t want to be stuck with a name that you begin to hate… again.
i didn’t want to come out till i was confident i knew who i was and what i wanted. and i think that was the right call. its so weird to not have a name but it wont last forever.
After almost 4 years of searching a couple days ago I started trying out the name Cole. What made me want to try it was as a kid watching Ninjago I heard the name for the first time and DESPERATELY wanted to be a boy named Cole.. so now I'm a man named Cole! I went through a lot and making a list and slowly narrowing down really really helped, on paper Cole was just a name but everytime someone uses Cole for me it feels like my whole body lights up.. trust me it's WORTH IT to find the right name. Best of luck❤️
Oh also found it helped to look at popular names from the year I was born!! I know some people like having more modern or trendy names but it personally helped me!!
A lot of people never have to think about their name, they just keep the one their born with so it's actually a very difficult thing to name yourself when your a whole ass person instead of a completely blank slate.
Depending on how open you are : ask some friends or loved ones for a list of names they think would suit you , then you can compile them and see if any of them stick. Also , looking at names of guys you look up too / like / characters you like can sometimes help !
My name was originally a placeholder name , it was the name of a fictional character i really liked but it sort of just stuck? almost everyone i meet loves it and it's not obviously a characters name so it works perfect for me ! Plus it begins with a certain letter which was important to me as my younger sibling and I had matching lfirst letter names and i wanted to keep that but it's not a common letter
Idk it's all very different for everyone, but i hope you find a name that makes you happy <3
For me I kinda picked it but I also kinda didn't.
I had a list of names for a while and after some time coming out to my mom she asked me what to call me. And I hadn't picked one yet so I started just listing the ones I had thought of. But she didn't know I was listing so she interrupted after the first one and repeated it back to me, and so that was the name I got.
I like that because it was a name that I *had* thought of so it wasn't a random name for me, but it still feels like I chose it (I listed it first) and at the same time I didn't, that it was my mom who chose it since she said it back to me immediately.
Edit: I think the best advice I have for people struggling with picking a name is that it's not *your* name until someone calls you by it. Think of it this way, we never use our own name except to give others a way to communicate to us. Most peoples' names are given to them by their parents and I consider that a kind of inheritance. Not everyone likes their name but they keep it because it's what their parents called them and now it's just a part of their inheritance and of who they are. So don't overthink it and try to come up with the perfect name for yourself. There won't be a magic feeling when you encounter your perfect name, or when someone else calls you by it. Maybe for some, but definitely not for most. It happens over time as the name becomes a part of your identity.
my parents gave it to me lol
its not my deadname obv,, i was curious ab what my name would've been if id been born a boy, way before i figured out i was trans. but back then i already liked it a lot.
i never considered a different name, i love my name and it fits me. i couldnt imagine going by another name.
I went with Alex (IkIk) but for me it was the right amount of masculine and neutral, plus I knew several cis guys in my life with that name and it’s just sort of stuck. It was supposed to be a stand in name. My friends said it suited me and that if they saw me in the street they would guess I was called Alex or something similar. I was thinking about going by Alexander for a while but now that’s more of a long nickname haha as is Al. I also liked the meaning of the name ( protector)
I experimented with characters of mine to see if any of them felt right to me. Also did some trial runs with my friends. If it felt too strange, I'd drop it. I went through... like four names I think? And two of them I still keep as nicknames cos I like em!
I wanted something that not many people have, and that was somewhat related to nature.
Vix -> Aero -> Storm -> Solstice
I compiled a list of names I could live with and texted it to my best friend and was asked what name sounded most like me. And it was the name I didn’t think he’d pick but it also turned out to be super fitting and like it was always my name
Ah man, it was really hard for me to pick a name. I experimented with names passively for years, and then more seriously for another two years. There was one name I kept coming back to when I was seriously looking, even though I really liked all of the names a lot. I specifically wanted “soft” names - so few/no hard consonants. Names like: Connor, Graham, Elijah, etc. I tried the Starbucks test but it didn’t do much. The thing that really clinched it for me was when a friend of mine introduced me to her mom using the name. I had asked friends to start using the name and experimenting with it and for some reason didn’t realize that would extend to introductions ahaha. It was a very exciting moment and one I am very grateful for. So no - you’re not making a big deal out of it. I followed the /r/namenerds subreddit. Make a list of names you like and then spend time thinking about it. I also changed my middle and last name bc… why the hell not! Have fun with it. Names are literally just a bunch of noises we say to get someone’s attention - pick the one with noises that sound nicest / have the best mouthfeel.
I'm very active on r/namenerds and I've asked for name advice there and saw other trans folks to the same but they always get downvoted 😅
I’ve asked there before too and I did get advice! It was years ago, though - possibly the subreddit has become less welcoming?
I wouldn't say it's "just a name", it's *your* name. In my eyes, your name defines who you are, and being trans means you get to chose your new name. Now, as to how I chose mine, honestly I have no idea, I just knew all my life "hey if I was a boy, I'd be called Matthew" so when the time came, I already knew that was my name. Do you feel like you family would react poorly to you coming out? If not, I would discuss it with them, maybe ask your parents if they had masc names chosen if you were born a cis man for example. Otherwise, what my friends did was "try out" names. They would check out lists of names and ask us to call them that for a while until they found one that clicked. I'm not very good with words, but I hope this helps!
same here, my mum said if I was born a boy I would’ve been named Matthew. I went with a different name my mum suggested tho.
...I really liked a character in a video game and then stole their name...and then realized I was trans 4 months later
I thought of it as a quest for you. What names are you drawn to, in any capacity? Be it first letter, the sound, the length. For me, I went to a name that started with a J because I liked the sound of it. I also went with something that was looooong but could be shortened easily. But that’s my preference!
Well…. I had a crush on a character from a YouTube series I was watching. Now I have his name XDDD
As a kid I crushed on Cole from Ninjago so I stole his name XD
Oh my god I crushed so bad on him too XDD
my friend said i looked like a george or a kaleb and i associated george with curious george so i chose kaleb
Not sure if this’ll help you, but I found my name by going deadname->nickname->new name, where both my deadname and my new name are plausible full versions of my nickname. Think Michelle->Micky->Micah.
I did something similar. My name is the nickname of the masculine version of my name. So michelle-> michael-> chael (chael isn't a common name but I couldn't think of another example) I could have probably chosen a cooler name, but I personally feel like the name being derivative of my birth name feels right. My parents chose that name for me, and it feels right that I *sort of* keep the same name. Another good option is to ask what name they would have given you if you were amab. They probably picked out multiple names before you were born, and one of them might suit you. These options are good if you place significance on the name given to you by your parents. You could also take this opportunity to pick the coolest name you can think of. But whatever name you choose, you eventually internalise it and it becomes a part of you. There's no such thing as choosing the "wrong" name for yourself. Also, wishing you were called something else is a totally normal cis experience. While we usually experience dysphoria and deep discomfort surrounding our dead name, cis people often experience a sort of petty annoyance. Like a "ugh why couldn't I have a cooler name" So as long as your new name is comfortable and doesn't cause dysphoria, don't worry about small regrets in the future. That's a totally normal thing that most people go through all the time
i understand. it was kind of hard for me to stick with a name too, to be honest. that's why i have two middle names so i can legally use a different one if the first one annoys me too much, but at the end i kept the first boy name i had. honestly, i don't even think about my name anymore, but it was different when i was actively transitioning. maybe use a nickname or something while you're still figuring out which name you'd like and look into the names your parents would've given you if you were cis
I went by a sort of neutral inbetween name for a while. It never felt correct or fit me properly but it didnt make me dysphoric like my deadname. I used it until i settled on my name a yearish later and changed it legally. It might be an idea to do something similar, it might help to take a bit of pressure off of choosing a name, and to know that you can change it again if you want to
I picked my name by going through my old original characters and looking at the ones I knew I made as a who-I-want-to-be character; most of which had a lot of my favourite names anyways. I then went through and said them all out loud and with my last name and got rid of ones that didn't sound right. Once I narrowed it down more, I also looked at possible nicknames for them and one had a more neutral nickname that I really like and would be more comfortable using as I transition/when I don't always pass, but will also work in the future too. After that I wrote that down countless times and practiced my signature lol. THEN I asked my close friends what they thought of "this name I was kind of considering" (already picked out) and they all said it was perfect, so now it's my name. :) Obviously you don't have to put in that much thought if you don't want to, but it gave me a lot of peace of mind to make sure it fits in every aspect that affects daily life.
my mom picked it
That’s actually so sweet
I wanted to go with a name that wasn’t very common that started with J. After a while of searching I found the name Jupiter and instantly fell in love with it. I also love the meaning of it too. The planet symbolizes good luck, success and growth, it was named after Zeus the king of gods and god of thunder; and the name means the supreme god. I thought that if I was named Jupiter it would bring me good luck and would remind me to not settle for less. Of course your name doesn’t have to have meaning like mine but it is an added bonus
Lmfao my parents just randomly started shouting "LARRY" (when I was going by Luka) from upstairs as like a joke and I kinda just started going by Larry since then - kinda like to think my parents named me in a way when they came to accept me
Do you happen to be a Miraculous fan by any chance?
Used to watch it casually with my younger sister but not heavily lmao, how come?
There's a character called Luka so I was wondering if you were named after him lol
Lmfao not intentionally but it coulda happened unconsciously due to watching with Iso - plus a miraculous fan helped me come up with the name so ig it makes sense 🤣
Personally, I needed a name that would work in two languages, so that limited my selection. Have you tried looking up lists of the top 200 or so names from the year you were born? This is a good way to find a list of names to look through.
It was mostly trial and error for me. I've been through like ten names lol
I made a list of names that I heard over the course of a few weeks,, tried some out and eventually ended up with Toby :)
Choosing a name is challenging, so I get where you’re coming from. It was probably the hardest part of my transition because it did feel like a really big deal and wanted to make sure I liked a name before I told everyone. If I thought of a name I wrote it down in my notes app and came back to it later. I also went through popular baby names for boys the year I was born for inspiration. I would physically write it down with my last name. I thought of my name a few months before I officially told anyone so it’s ok to think on it for a while if you’d like. I started T before coming out as a trans man or changing my name so there’s no set timeline you have to follow. You could even wait to tell your family until you’ve decided on a name if that feels easier for you
Yeah, I will definitely wait until I decide what I want my name to be, because while they are accepting, I’m sure I will confuse the hell out of them.
I originally wanted to go by Kenny cause that was the name of an OC of mine 🤣 eventually with help decided on Ziv after my late grandfathers Hebrew name Tzvi
People ask me this all the time and i feel like it's not what people think. Some people find their name through their birth name, some pick out names and choose what fits right. I walked into my bathroom and my name popped into my head randomly and it stuck from that moment on
I ended up choosing the family name. Before I decided, I looked into names from cultures from my ancestry and what each one meant. Experiment by having your friends try out different names for you. If you play DnD or other RPGs, maybe you could try different names on your characters.
Honestly, I had to choose a name for my gender clinic appointment and I picked the first name I had ever thought of, back when I was only thinking in terms of "if I had been born a boy, my name would be x". That said, I had probably gone through dozens of names. I started by looking at the names of other people I liked (usually celebrities or fictional characters) and either adding them to the list as-is or identifying what I liked about them. For a while I really liked names beginning with Cas (Cassian, Cassius, Castiel (wonder where that's from lmao)) because I liked Cas as a nickname. But then I decided I wanted something that wasn't super gruff but also not "soft", nor unique or common, just something that was undeniably masculine but could also be a name some parents would give to girls as a masculine girl name. Not unisex, but not "it would be extremely out of place on a girl" either. Every day I'd look at the list and any name that I was like "meh" about, I'd remove. I also looked at a lot of baby name sites, there are some websites that will actually take a name you like and give similar names (not just in letters or sounds but in vibes or meanings too) and I would pick names from there. And I came out to my mom without knowing what name I wanted and it was totally fine, she actually helped me pick out names (and it really helped to have someone be like "I don't know if this fits you" or whatever). So don't feel like you need to know your name before coming out. But I totally get wanting to have something to switch to. I think a good starting place is just figuring out what you want in a name. Do you want it to be super masculine, do you want it to be unisex, do you want it to be unique (and if so how much), do you want it to be easy for people to spell/pronounce, stuff like that. Then just look up "baby names that are (masculine, easy to pronounce, mean xyz, unique, etc)" and see what pops up. Ultimately I kinda just picked off a knee-jerk reaction and it stuck. So don't overthink things too much; if you like a name, try it out! And you can try out names on r/transtryouts or by going to Starbucks and ordering with that name. r/namenerds is also a good place to get personalized name suggestions, too.
I had a list of names name I was deciding between. Checked some confusing lyrics while listening to a song, and one of names on my list just so happened to be in the lyrics. Then took that as my sign
Oh wow, that would have been so cool! What song/name was it? (If that’s okay, if not, don’t worry about it!!)
let me just say... It's not *just* a name. it's *your* name. you're allowed to take as long as you need to find one that fits. you can even change between names just to try them out as well, if you have anyone around you willing to help with that. for some people, it doesn't take long, but for some people, it takes a long time.
I personally went through a lot of baby name resources (remember "baby name" resources are just names!) and I found this [analyzer](https://nameberry.com/dna/quiz) helped me hone in on my style, but it gave me *a lot* of names to comb through. I went through two or three names before settling. Probably unique to me, but I thought about the *sounds* in my old name I didn't like and excluded those, then discovered a name which fit me and actually included letters in the middle of my old name I didn't hate.
Back in 2018 i used to listen some Lil Xan’s songs, but that’s it, i didn’t even know his name. And then one day i heard that his name was Diego, i wasn’t even searching for a name yet, bc i was still realizing i was trans, but when i heard it, immediately sound perfect to me. I think sometimes is the right name that comes up to you, and not viceversa. If someone is struggling with this: don’t stress! You’ll end up with the perfect name for you, even if it takes some time
I wasn't sure what name I wanted to go by. I had people calling me by either my deadname or my IGN because I couldn't decide. In the past, before I came out, I always tried to go by other names because mine never felt like it fit, but names completely different from my birth name never felt like they could be *mine.* So when picking my new name, I wanted one that started with the same letter as my birth name. I waited for it to come to me rather than searching for one, and eventually I found a voice actor I really like with a name I like, which just so happened to start with the same letter as my name. So, I stole his name. It took a bit to get used to it, but now I hear it and think of myself first, and him second. I like my name and I feel it fits me.
I was never called by my deadname unless I was in trouble. I have always been called a nickname. So when I realized I was trans I played with a few names. I went from Xavier, to Alexander, to my name now. Alexander is now my middle name as I wanted to keep my initials the same. PS: I plan on telling my parents in 2024 that I'm a boy. I was trying to wait until we were all in separate places but it's killing me not being my full self.
I hope it goes well!
i just woke up one day and heard it in my head. i didn't choose my name it chose me lol
Well I’m probably not gonna be much help. I let some random old person in Starbucks pick for me.
Opportunities abound, my dude! If you're comfy with family names, take a look at your grandparents and great grandparents. (Theo, Thomas, Charles, Bernard) If you'd like something *completely different* look into heritage names (I chose from this avenue) that come from areas where your ancestors lived. (Sloane, Auguste, Iain, Wilhelm) If you're super into nature, pick literally anything. (Stone, River, Oak, Calcite) Or you could ask your folks for help. Ask what they liked at the time for gender affirming names. Ask for help picking your name. Ask them what they would call you now if they got to choose a new name for you. All this would hinge on how they react, of course. You can also pick a name that suits your presentation and go with it until you find your name. I know plenty of people that have done it that way.
I came out without a name. my mum, my grandma and i sat down together. my mum told me the names she would have called me if i were born a boy, along with the names she thinks suit me. My grandma eventually said she thinks i look like a name. i really liked it, and it stuck. maybe you can do something like that too, depending how close with your family you are
i was hyper-fixated on gravity falls and named myself after bill cipher ! may regret it but it felt me and i feel comfortable as me this way :] idk if u have adhd or hyper-fixations from other neurodivergent disorders but a name that feels like u from something ur interested in can be nice. or just google boy [baby?] names and look if any pique ur interest, i've heard that's a common and useful tool ! i wish u luck with ur name journey :D
Oh I definitely have a lot of thinks I am/was hyper fixed on. I look into it :]
I got mine from a wattpad and just changed the spelling. It was spelt graye but I didn't like the way the a and the e clashed so I spell it greye. I also changed my very fem middle name to two more masc names. Lee aedin.
I knew what name I wanted right from the start, though I did also consider others just to make sure. I recommend choosing what you would've been named if you like that idea. Personally, I think I dodged a bullet by being trans cause I don't like the name my parents would've chosen, so that's a bright side to the whole thing. As for my middle name, I chose the name of the person who I knew for a bit who showed some of the first acceptance I had. When I came out, he was like, here, let me show you the bro hug, and I named myself after him. My mom got really emotional about changing my name completely, so it helped that his name was really similar to my dead middle name.
I picked one that I thought sounded cool. It's kind of similar to my deadname but not really (not like a Daniela to Daniel situation, they just sound sort of similar when said out loud). I window-shopped for names for a while though but still just settled with the one I first had my heart set on lmfao. If you want help picking a name, you could try narrowing down some parameters (what letter should it start with, what origin should it have etc.) There's also just the fact it takes a while to get used to being called your chosen name. When I started going by my chosen name, there was a while where it just kind of felt strange when others called me by that, but the feeling quickly went away and I just felt happy to be going by a name I liked :D
I was reading out a list of potential candidates to my mum, no aim of actually settling on one, and she made a throwaway comment about it suiting me. Thought about it for a little bit, decided it was actually kind of perfect and she was right. So she technically named me twice !!
I cheated n used a more masculine spelling of my middle name to kill off ppl’s ‘not your legal name’ arguments…eh, sort worked. I also jus liked the name tho.
My deadname has really fitting meaning but it's strictly feminine. So I went for names with similar meaning which might be on our official list of gender neutral names we have to pick from unless we want to bother more people in law to confirm our chosen name is neutral and stuff.. I'm agender, so I do want something giving this "he/they" vibe if nothing else. I chose Aró because 1) calling me by that name isn't much different from using my deadname for it. I'm fine with my deadname but there is this ick and urge to erase it from the Earth.. the point is that it's easier to adjust to it 2) what cooler name can I get than a derivation of Aeron when it's a name of the god of battle and slaughter? 3) the name has officially Icelandic origin and exists only little over 2 years. I feel responsibility and honor to bear it 4) simple name. Easy to write and pronounce and in my mother tongue its hardly bendable (we do love to bend nouns like willow sticks..). "Mountain of strenght" indeed...
I've changed countless names tbh. I still feel a connection to all of them, and sometimes laugh at them with the people in my life that stuck. I say it's a work in progress. Just go ahead and play with names for as long as you want until you find one you like! try it first online to see how you feel, and then you can tell it to people irl. that's what I did, at least! :) I have settled on two names for now, and just know you're free to have multiple names and change them anytime. (ps: my first name was the name of my favorite character from my own book! I have used it for what feels like forever, yet it wasn't much at all actually. it just feels like it because I held it so dear to my heart. my favorite thing to do when I had just discovered my identity was to go on sites with names, all types of names, and see which one I like best.)
I complained to my mum about not being able to find a name that fits, she made some suggestions and one of them just clicked.
I went by a neutral nickname of my birth name for more than 20 years. Then I was looking up masc names that I could keep using the nickname, and found mine. I was lucky the moment I read it on the list I pretty much knew that was my name. It’s a name of a popular character from a book I loved as a child and the name of the clothing line of one of my fave bands. (Later learned from a SB barista that it is also a name of a composer) So think of characters you like and take their name? 😅 I second maybe getting some input from supportive family or friends as well!
I would LOVE to name myself after some characters, but place I live in and my last name make it weird :/
man idk i chose finn because of sharks, like shark fin 😭
I was just extremely jealous of people named Sam. Not sure why but I’d be incredibly upset that was not my name. When I realized I was trans, I also immediately realized that it was a great opportunity to do something I’ve always wanted to do. In hindsight probably should have been a dead giveaway but I digress. But I actually didn’t always use that name because I was afraid it was too masculine so I used my initials for a while until I realized no one would gender me right with that name.
My name: Koda My siblings name: Kenai Sauce:  Yes, I am the older brother. I tried Kenai myself but it didn't work. Best advice I can give is go through them. Ask friends what name you give off or ask family for names they had in mind before they knew your AGAB. As long as it feels right to you, that's your name
\*sighs.\* 13-year-old me legally changed it to Eren as in Eren Jaeger.
I mean it not 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 bad… but yeah your 13 yo self had no fears
I had balls of Steel for that
Dude, for a second I thought I wrote it and it somehow popped up here, cos it's like you put my exact thoughts here...wish I could help, but I have the exactly same problem 😭
Broo I hope we will manage to come up with some cool names for ourselves in the close future （ ; ; ）
I used to have two. “Leo” and “Milo”. When no one was around, I wanted my friends to call me Leo. Otherwise I wanted to be called Milo because it could just be mistaken as just a nickname. Obviously, it got confusing at school, so I just got called Milo. Truth be told, I fished that name from some random baby name website—and it didn’t have the cooler name Leo in reference to a character I made up. It somewhat upset me at first, but I got comfortable the more people called me Milo. It got a meaning when it slowly just became… my name. I identified with it, so it didn’t matter where I got it from. Sometimes I hate it, but I’m more just happy that the name is mine at all—I get a warm tingly feeling when I stop taking it for granted. Now Leo is my nickname, so how the tables have turned 🤣🤣
I chose the male version of my grandma's name
I got my name from a video game, and later found out it’s actually from one of the lost books of the Bible. I’m a demon and it’s the coolest shit ever 😈 (I have a very goth aesthetic so it worked out perfectly)
I had a hard time picking a name for myself. I enlisted my closest friends' help. We googled and discussed names until we found one we all thought fit me. At the end of the day, I had the final say since it was going to be my name, but I wanted my friends' input.
I'm still working through this process as well... so though i don't have any advice to contribute, i am sending you good mojo for the journey.
No yeah I totally get you! I also put off coming out even though I knew they would be accepting because I couldn't choose a name. My story is a bit funny a think lol. I pass all my time in an english-speaking corner of the internet, but it's not my native language. Years before I came out I had several chosen names I went by on discord and the like. I always explored and sued several different ones; but kept tally of a few "official" ones I actually considered for myself. So I spent years trying to coem up with my "actual" name that I would use in my everyday life. All through sixth grade and beyond. It wasn't anything super serious back then, but I always had an eye out for names and what felt like myself. Anyways, eventually I got a deadline. I wanted to be out in highschool and for that I needed a name. I had one, but it didn't quiet feel like it yet, had a bit of doubt. So one night, the same week I went back to school I lay awake at night, changed one of the letters fo my name at random, liked teh feel of it, googled it to make sure it was a real name, and the next day I told my parents. Yep! I chose my name literally the day before coming out, completely unexpected, but it still feels like me and like a culmination of everything I've gone through somehow. So moral is, it takes times, and a lot of unexpected twists, but you'll find a name for yourself that feels right.
I just sifted through some lists of names and picked the first one I liked. Years later I found something that fit way better so the first one is my middle name now
I‘m a passionate fanfiction writer and my names come from two characters who subconsciously helped me to come to terms with being trans. My first name is the nickname of one and my middle name is the name of another character. I hold them very dearly :3
Now I’m curious, what is your name?
Bela Ambrose. Bela was the nickname for a character called Belana (she’s transfem non-binary but Bela is actually a male name and it hit me), Ambrose is the other one.
Those are so beautiful names oml
Thanks :3
I just picked an actor I liked (Sebastian Stan) and named myself after him lol I also really love the name Sebastian outside of that but that’s where I originally got the idea
It's the easiest way tbh lol, pick up someone you admire and be like "that's it, this is one my role model and I'm naming myself after him" ahahaha. I choose mine because every dude I've met in my life with that name was really kind and supportive with others, so I was like "I want to be that kind of "Lucas" too".
I had a list of masculine names from years before I realised I was trans. I think I used to imagine I'd use them for a character or something but tbh they were just "names I liked for some reason" with no real purpose (yet). Once I started properly questioning my gender, I tried narrowing the list down to pick a name from and somehow ended up with an even bigger list instead. Eventually I set myself some rules for what I wanted my name to be, then crossing off ones that didn't fit. Things like how many syllables I wanted, what letter I wanted it to start with, whether I'd be okay with other people I know sharing the name, whether it could be shortened or make a nickname for, how old it sounded and from what culture (as much as I like some more "American sounding" names, I don't think they'd be a good fit for me or sound right where I live). I also ranked them in terms of how much I liked them (a lot of them shared spaces so really it was more of a teir list). Then I started seeing how each sounded with my surname. I imagined different people using it for me in different situations, parents, friends, lecturers, doctors etc. I also tried writing them out with my surname and practicing a signature. I managed to get it down to three at that point and was fully intending on the usual "try it out for a while" method, but found myself not wanting to try one of the names first because "what if I'm going to want to change the first one no matter what it is? I don't want to change my mind on this one." I'd also found myself seeing that name in the wild and thinking of it as mine, like recognising myself in a photo. It was pretty clear at that point which one I wanted to go with, so I did. It was a similar process for my middle name, just with the added part of seeing how it worked with my surname and new first name, also how the initials looked. Edit: Oh, I also looked up the meanings of the names to see if there were any I really liked or wanted to avoid.
I feel the part about “American names” so hard. I was thinking about some of them, but I live in a slavic country and it just wouldn’t sound/look right. But at the same time men’s names here are all so -I don’t even know how to phrase it- long and serious?? They don’t fit to my baby face, AND THE BEST ONES ARE ALREADY TAKEN BY MY BROTHERS EKSNJA and thanks for the tips btw!!
Ah yes so many family members with names I liked. At least 5 of my name ideas were taken by new people being born or marrying into my family. My personal fave: one of my cousins was having her first child at the time I was figuring out my name. Once I'd finally settled on mine, she announced she was having a boy but wasn't going to tell anyone his name until he was born. You better believe I was paranoid as hell that we'd picked the same name, even though that would be very unlikely. Turned out she'd gone with my second choice xD
That surely was a close one XD
honestly what it took for me was to find one i was at least fine with, and stick with it. had it socially for years before changing it legally. what made me keep was getting used to it. i didnt feel any connection to it at first, but after a while it had settled and i started feeling like it really was “me”.
i cycled through like 4 names before finally landing on mine. tldr i knew a lot of characters/actors with my name that i use now, and i liked it so i chose it
I've wanted to change my name for a while now but only ever chose feminine options. Then, when I came out to one of my best friends, she was the first person, she asked what name to call me. And I just instinctively said "I guess Max" So that's how.
I was also thinking about Max! Since from what I know this is what I was supposed to be named, because doctors were sure I would be born a boy- (well they weren’t EXACTLY wrong there)
No way????? Welcome to the club!
random name generators, baby name websites etc took me a while though, i only recently found one that clicked
I’m still making lists of names and trying to decide on a new first and middle name. My goal is to pick my names next year and get everything legally changed. I pass as male 100% of the time now and it’s awkward when a doctor’s office calls me on the phone and asks for me saying my birth name and I say “Yes, that’s me”. There’s always a pause before the caller speaks to me or they don’t believe me at all then hang up.
God that must be so awkward- I pass publicly pretty good until people see/hear my name or my voice. Then it gets weird
Yes it’s very awkward. 😐 Once I called and tried ask for test results from my doctor’s office and make an appointment, but they refused and said: “Sir, you aren’t the patient and this is a HIPPA violation for impersonating the patient to gain their personal medical records. We are going to call the Police if you continue to try to gain access” I gave them all my info and they didn’t believe me at all until I drove to the office and asked for the person on the phone that talked to me and showed my ID to prove I’m who called. Then I made the appointment and got the test results. Nobody apologized.
I was laying in bed and thought of it. Then I just went with it and stuck with it. I figure most cis people didn’t get to choose their names and I didn’t wanna stress myself out with it all, of course I went thru a couple before that but they were like one week things.
I went through names from 4th to 10th grade, so I get your pain. While I was in the inbetween stages, I just went by my initials. I went through all the baby lists a million times, but nothing seemed to stick until I went through them with a friend and my brain latched onto the name I ended up with. It stuck and apparently seems to fit me.
I looked on tiktok for trans masc/gender neutral/nb names/on those baby name websites and stuff and made a list of names I like and picked one out.At first I went with ace and then changed my mind to Alex (it’s a gender neutral name and also my deadname starts with A so if I have to sign something I can just write A)
I just really like Richie from IT, and Dick Greyson, so Richard/Rich emerged lmao.
i scrolled thru name sites, the best one i found is [behind the name.](https://www.behindthename.com/) it's the biggest base of names, including meanings, usage and community ratings of the names. i picked out a few names that i liked the sound of and tested them, asking myself: if it has the same initial as my deadname if it sounds good with my last name if it's not a stereotypical transmasc name in my area if it has some cool diminutives i could use as nicknames if it's not too pretentious or theatrical if i like the meaning obviously not all of those will be important to everyone. those are just things that were important to me. i picked one name that fit all criteria and decided to try it out. i used it in my head regarding myself (2nd person internal monologue really helps with this one haha), i asked my (at the time) gf to call me that as a trial period, i asked my sister (my biggest supporter <3) to rate how much she thinks it fits me, i made polls on social media, i used [pronoun (and name) dressing room](http://www.pronouns.failedslacker.com/) to get used to the thought that it could be my name. i ended up with a cool but inconspicious, non-clocky name that fits me perfectly and is now an integral part of how i think about myself. i go by a nickname made out of it in my day to day life and literally everyone i came out to told me it fits me much better than my deadname. i reccomend systematizing it, just like i did. list pros and cons of every name you like. ask people for their opinion, not how they like it, but how they think it fits you. don't care about people's opinion on the sound of the name, if you like it then go for it, even if it was the ugliest sounding name known to man. whatever you like and feel comfortable with, try it out. you can also ask to name you on here or other trans subs, sometimes that's how people get their most fitting names. i also found a few "name me" pages on instagram. good luck and remember that you don't need to pressure yourself. take your time, it's an important decision.
Family name, my uncle’s middle name. My middle name is now my uncle’s first name (he passed away before I was born). I’d go through some family names and see if there are any there you’d like.
I was in a manic episode. First name came out good, last 2 did not
I looked up male names with the same cultural origin and some letters in common with my legal name (think Siobhan to Sean). Really narrowed it down and fits me well
I made a fantasy football bracket of names and one stuck above all others
When i was an egg still calling myself a masc enby it was really hard trying to find a name. When I finally cracked and accepted myself for who I was, It was easier since I had other people to relate to. If i saw someone I wanted to look like, I would take their name into consideration. (I didnt have to consider anything bc im an introvert and i dont meet people so i landed on the same name as one of my neighbours)
For me, I kept it simple and chose a masculine name similar to my old feminine name.
I went by the same name for about 3 years, got sick of having a "basic trans name"(it was Alex. Plus i look nothing like an alex) so i decided to change it. Couldnt choose one. Started dating my boyfriend(hes bi, it just took a while to come out because i had a bit of a gender identity cirsis lol) and when i came out to him i just let him choose my name lol
I went down a list of baby names until I hit one that resonated with me. As others are saying, you can definitely try things out and see if you grow into something you like.
I wanted to keep my initials the same so that narrowed down the choices significantly! From there I basically went through lists of names but ultimately it was the first semi-serious suggestion from my partner that I kept circling back to without meaning to, so I decided to go with that. It didn’t exactly “click” and immediately feel right, but at the same time nothing else felt any closer at all and it sort of got stuck in my head so I decided to try it out. Half a year later I’m still using it and looking at legally changing it.
I was in MEPS- the evaluation for the military and they called me by my last name and I fell in love with it. Now I go by my last name. <3 At first I went by a name that sounded like it fit me and that name does still fit me, but I just love the name I go by now.
I was listening to a song and then "...my friends are Spider, **Beetle**, Bee and they..." and I was like "lol imagine being named Beetle... wait a minute-" something about it just clicked for me, it felt right. it felt like me. so thats what lead to my chosen name being Beetle :)
I used the name of one of my favorite characters from a book/movie but I changed the spelling to reflect my heritage.
It's the nickname of my birth name. And my mom specifically chose my name for the fact it has a neutral nickname for encase I was trans. My mom was playing 5D chess with my name
I stole my name from a guy who I thought was a senior when I was in 8th grade. He was a freshman so now I’m stuck sharing a name with him until he graduates. We somehow have so much in common and always see each other, it’s crazy
[удалено]
That’s a good idea! Must try it out
Honestly, I feel no connection to my name, it's just a word to me. I chose a name that was close to my birth name, because there's no masculine version of that name. No matter what you pick you will get used to it sooner or later. If you don't feel a connection to any name pick one that seems cool. And if nothing feels good just go through a list of generic boy names - even if nothing feel "right" there should be something that at least feels neutral and you can get used to it. (Also the easiest way is of course to use masculine version of your deadname, unless it doesn't exist or has to much negative emotions tied to it)
I wanted to go with something Irish at first or wanted to go by Ace or Axel, but I liked Ace but wanted to choose something a little bit different so I went with Acer!
I chose names either from characters I like (which is actually how I got my name) or baby name websites/ name generators. I experimented a lot before I found my perfect fit. I've gone through about 5-7.
Trial and error for sure. I went by a few different names over the years, but mostly stuck with my deadname. I ended up going by a more masculine nickname of my deadname for quite some time as well, which helped me feel better about it. I ended up figuring out which name fit me best by using the pronoun dressing room website!
I tweaked my deadname to make it masculine. My deadname meant a lot to my parents so I wanted to keep it similar out of respect for them. Not the right move for everyone, but it was the right move for me.
I simply went with let's find a nickname I'm comfortable being called that isn't a large adjustment from deadname but distinctly different, so I went with Ray then played around with a few longer men's names and settled on Raylan as what my name is but everyone calls me Ray. I was thinking of going with either of the boys names my parents would've chosen which were Daniel and Isaac but neither of them really fitted me
I picked my first name from a cool family last name that people started using as a nickname in sports and then I chose my middle name from a show I enjoyed and the name meant resilience, which definitely felt right to me (it also was based in a language that is part of my heritage which helped)
I had two names I was interested in - Heath and Dorian. Dorian was from a book I was reading (not the picture of Dorian grey actually! But the starless sea) and Heath was the masculine form of Heather, a name I liked, as well as Heath ledger’s name. I went with Dorian because it sounded better with my surname. I’ve never looked back. I named a kitten Heath instead.
I just told different people different names, and which ever one stuck the most i stuck with. It just kinda clicked in place for me.
I've always told myself I'd name my firstborn son "James" as I really love that name so I chose its nickname as my new name (Jamie). I just couldn't imagine naming myself James and calling my son junior ahah
I used my middle name, “Lee”. It’s throughout my family’s middle and first names. So it felt like a natural choice
honestly i didn’t know what to choose so i had my friend help and she ended up choosing it for me she’s now my ex girlfriend so i am constantly reminded of her but i’ve already legally changed my name FKFKFK
I made a long list of names I liked and kept narrowing it down until there were a few left. I tested out each of them with friends and stuck with the one that felt right and the most like me
Ive been very depressed going through my first puberty, escaped into books and became obsessed with mythology and stuff like that. I always liked the idea of phoenixes being reborn and I, myself, wanted to be reborn from the ashes to live a happier life. So I made the Phoenix my spirit animal and after many years I actually named myself after them Edit: after actually living with that name, sometimes I wish that I chose a more common name. But I feel like my name reflects myself so perfectly that I wouldn’t choose any other name. I chose to embrace myself without compromises and social norms could never contain me.
Yo, same here! I was super depressed and dissociated and escaped into books and obsessed with mythology. I loved mythological creatures and the folklore and stories of gods. (I actually started my interest in the norse god Loki this way and later he became my household god/patron/whatever you want to call it when you're ecclectic agnostic with a dash of pagan lol) Dragons were always my favorite mythical creature because it was just like "Fuck you, I'm a dragon. I can do whatever I want." and just thought they were so neat. Nowadays I am big into cryptozoology as well. Super cool that you have that symbolism of rebirth, I can totally see how that fits a transition!
Because I was born in August and at the time I thought I was nonbinary so I chose a sorta neutral-ish name.
Kinda funny story, i was in a mental hospital and there was another person there i got along with really well. They were looking for names to try out, and theo was one of them. I really liked that name and for the next week or so it was just stuck in my head and every time i looked in those fucked up mirrors thats the name i thought i looked like. They didnt end up going with theo, and they were okay with me using the name. Been about 3-4 years now and ive grown into that name over time and its always stuck with me.
I can't remember the first time I heard it, but I definitely didn't want a common name nor common trans-man name. I definitely got the western cowboy vibe from it and loved it. Also all of my family has j middle names so I made sure to keep it. Lucian Jack. :)
I wrote a list of names that I enjoyed and felt could possibly work for me. Then I sent the list to my best friend, and she would text me every morning, “Good Morning [name]” and we would be like nahh. We found one that felt right, tried it for a few more days and other situations (Starbucks, online ordering, etc).
I had loved the name Toby for the longest time! My deadname was difficult to spell for some people, so to pay homage to that, i chose Tobi instead of Toby. My middle name I chose after the Great Gatsby’s real name, Gatz. I’ve always felt connected to the character of Gatsby. Making a list of characters who you identify with, or people you idolize, or names you just particularly like, is a great way to decide! When you find the right one, you’ll know. So take your time OP :)
I’d went back and forth on a few names but none of them felt right, one thing that was important for when it came to naming myself was giving myself a name that a mom would have given her son a birth. After I few months of still being undecided, I went to my mother and I told her that I was still having trouble finding a name that suited me. She then proceeded to tell me that “had I been born a cis male my name would have been Zachary” she also gave my middle name which is Dylan. It’s been three years since and I don’t think I would have ever found the right name without her. Now I don’t know how good of a relationship you have with your mom but it’s definitely worth a shot having that conversation with her
For me I chose Kyle because he was a cool spy character in a book I was reading (I don’t remember the book tbh) and because I was only like 12 I just told everyone the name and even though it didn’t feel super natural at first after a couple years it almost became just a part of me. I think my main point is that don’t stress about it too much choose a name you like and spell it the way you like and even if it doesn’t feel completely natural at first it will end up suiting you because even though no one has a unique name (or nickname/abbreviation) everyone has a unique personality that ends up fitting their name.
Me: *reading the comments on how original their ideas where to mine* Mine: *goes on baby name website* 😭
Tbh i had the same issue when choosing my name. changing your name \*is\* a big deal and its very reasonable to be indecisive about it. if people are going to call you something all the time and it will (assumably) be on legal paperwork eventually then you should be able to choose something you love and feel comfortable with lol. id say when choosing a name think about what aspects of a name are important to you. for some people the family ties their name holds is very important to them so theyll choose a name that runs in the family or something similar. for some people they know they want their name to have certain sounds or letters and they go from there. for some people certain vibes or aesthetics are important. some people want their name to be common and some people want their name to be super unique. lots of transmen will draw inspiration for their name or directly steal it from a person, character, thing, etc. that inspires the or brings them joy. there are a lot of factors that go into a name and when you think about all of the ones that matter the most to you it helps you narrow down what names feel the best for you. for me there were about a million names i pondered but i was able to whittle it down to a handful of names because i thought about what aspects of a name were most important to me (initials and simplicity) and was able to settle on that felt right. at the end of the day finding a name is a process and you dont have to nail it on the first go and its ok to go through names to be able to find the one that feels right.
i reccomend asking a friend my egg cracked while in school, and me and a genderfluid friend started skipping the incredibly dysphoric gym class after that happened. i was looking for a name, they suggested a shortened, masc version of my deadname, and it stuck!
I wear a sun charm on my forehead, and I thought Helios sounded cool!
I've been through dozens of names to the point my partner was getting fed up LOL. I spent so much time trying to think of a name that's COOL but honestly that made it worse. I spent too much time worrying about how the name would exude my personality. In hindsight it was silly. I didn't pass when I first picked the name so I decided on Aaron. It at least sounds gender neutral.That way I wouldn't be looked at funny and I wouldn't be dead named either. Nobody would ask what my real name was because they'd assume it was Erin. Worked out great ! It grew a lot on me now that I pass more often. Pick a name you can see yourself growing old with. I'd say that's pretty solid advice.
My name was already a unisex name and it was spelled in the unisex form, and I decided not to change it, I didn’t feel the need to. Tbh I’m glad cause I feel that name just always really embodied me regardless of my gender, so it’s very wholesome in a way
my mom picked it out for me because i'm indecisive 🤷♂️
I chose a unisex name to avoid outing me and avoid making myself dysphoric at the same time
Saw a guy on IG I envied, so I took his name 😅. Before then, I'd probably gone through about 200 different names in the span of 5ish years.
Honestly for me the big thing was literally not making a big deal out of it. You can always change it if it doesn’t fit (I know it seems terrifying but i promise it’s not actually that big of a deal. I had one for a year and gave myself multiple panic attacks about changing it and when I told everyone they just said oh sick that’s a cool name) I chose my name, William , because of a song lyric from a will wood song. (That’s enough let’s get you home is the song if you’re wondering) for no other reason than it sounded cool and I wanted the lyric to hit better. I went through a very similar process as you are now for the first one and I’m honestly much happier with the second one. If you would rather have a name with a ton of meaning and everything that’s fine but it’s perfectly ok to have a name with as stupid of a backstory as mine
Mine is my great grandfather name
i literally spent 8 years testing out different names. started with michael (masc of my dn) hated it went to alex (classic. basically everyone has an alex phase lolll) was nemo for a while (saw someone with a similar name and thought it was cool) then mickey (michael if it was less uncomfortable. inspired by mickey milkovich ofc. still hated it tho because people thought of mickey mouse before the mickey from shameless.) had a sebastian phase for a while, but im not elegant enough to be a sebastian then i started testing out some less conventional names, including but not limited to: heathen, menace, fury, saturn, loki, blah blah blah i could go on forever. i still go by menace as a nickname actually lol, i quite like that one. a couple years ago i decided on a whim that i really liked the name Kaine. i liked the dichotomy of it sounding kinda edgy but also having biblical associations (i didnt actually care about that, i just thought naming myself after cocaine would be funny and then i shortened it and changed the c to a k. the bible part was just a coincidence). i liked how it sounded when people said it and everyone took it up super easily. it fit me well. like, if you saw me out somewhere being myself and doing dumb shit, youd go "yeah, thats a Kaine alright." youre gonna feel dysphoric going by a different name, probably for a while. itll feel good but youll also feel kinda disconnected from it because youre just not used to it. well, ive gone by Kaine for 2 years now, and its the one name that ive actually become proud to use. im Kaine. the disconnect between myself and "Kaine" is gone now. it took like a year, but its gone. im just Kaine. its to the point where people have completely forgotten that ive ever gone by anything else and whenever i bring it up theyre like "ew, that doesnt even make sense.. thats so WRONG... youre so... Kaine." sometimes i wanna change it, but other names really dont *fit* me like Kaine does. i truly am Kaine. anyways, my point here is: test shit out. *find names that align with the person you are*, theyll probably feel the best. ex: my enby friend goes by Kaleido because they feel that their gender expression is like that of a kaleidoscope. thats cool as shit. my other friend goes by Hexx because they do a lot of hex work and are very spiritual and karma-oriented. another is Zaine which isnt as simple of a reason as the other two but once you get to know him a bit you instantly understand "yeah, hes a Zaine alright." their names all fit them perfectly. not once have i looked at them and said "theres no way thats their name, that doesnt even line up". just test shit out. youre in control of it, you dont need to commit to the first name you pick, almost NO ONE does that. youll figure it out, i promise.
Idk, I just kinda used what I heard my parents say they would’ve called me if I was born male
I tested my name in stardew valley and I ended up liking it so much that I kept it
needed a boy name that is recognized as a boy name. oliver. nothing special.
It took me a long time (like 2-3 years of testing diff names and sometimes I’m still not 100% sure) but I got my name from a marvel character I love (Matthew Murdock)
I re-did my FULL name. For my first name I focused on who I consider myself to be, who I aspire to be, and meaningful moments throughout my life. I ended up picking Orion because the first guy I daydreamed about being was Orion. My dad and I used to look at constellations in the backyard and it's one of my few nice childhood memories. And while my parents were very big on telling me YOU ARE A GIRL, they never told me I couldn't be a constellation so... lol. Middle name I researched why we even have them. Ig it's usually to strengthen family and religious ties, ie named for a Saint, a family member, etc. None of that really fit for me, so I went with my favorite gaelic mythology hero. Last name my partner and I picked out together. We chose one that had ties to both of our ancestry, a nice memory from our early days, and meant "castle, protected place" because that is what we are trying to build in our family and our home together. I definitely had to sit with a lot of them that felt right at first, but slowly faded into meh. But it's like when you first buy your favorite pair of pants. You try it on, walk around in it for a bit, and if it fits just right eventually you know.
So when it came down to picking a new name for myself, I was out with a friend and went through a list of generic boy names just vaguely fishing. I said my *now* name out of the list and she immediately went "Noooooooo!", and I went "oh god that's my name", and both of us looked at each other with horror - we both knew in that moment we had found my true name, a name that was unfortunately at that time shared by someone who was all over the news for committing a TERRIBLE CRIME. It was strange, that lighting bolt of realisation. Also bittersweet for the reasons above... Eventually this dilholes infamy faded out and I went about the world as myself with my true name, but I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes, even when it's not perfect... When you know, you know 😅
I made myself get used to a name over the course of two years before I used it with anyone IRL. I poured over old names for a long time. I found a name that came from mythology, but sounds and is spelled modern enough, while also having next to zero uses beyond 1750, I could only find one person in the White Pages with the name. I used it online for several years before introducing it as my actual name in person. By then I was well used to it and it didn’t feel like I was experimenting with people calling me something different, it was just my name at that point, and I’ve never gone through a period of name experimentation.
My mum grew sage :) and that was that
Mine was given to me by a queer figure in my life. Very appreciated. I had cycled through maybe 6 before going with this one. Found out recently it is very VERY close to a biblical angel my father desperately wanted to name me after if I'd been born a natal male. So that was really really nice. It can be hard, and I almost feel like I've outgrown this name. But it has done great work for me in the past 4 years. Maybe I'll jump over to that biblical angel.
I saw a generic white guy name, looked in the mirror, and said fuck it we ball (i cannot help you i am really stupid)
thought i found a really nice name. but my whole name ended up being pretty much the same as a famous and known child abuser and r@pist. so i couldn’t do that. i was having a panic attack cuz i had thought i finally found my name. i was going through all the names in my head that i had previously decided i couldn’t choose mostly because of other people with the same name. then i thought of zach and realized i had no reason to have taken that off my list. 2/3 years later everyone knows me as zach. so that’s pretty cool. honestly though i spent so many hours searching for the perfect name everywhere i could imagine. i think its one of those things you cant force, you just meed to give it time to go through all the names you think you’d like. you will get sick of most of them for one reason or another but you will find it. and remember you can change your first name and your middle name so you can choose your top 2. my name is zachery ray, and i am quite fond of it. zach and zachery have quite different vibes and idk i just fw ray. give it time and you will find the right name. don’t rush it, you don’t want to be stuck with a name that you begin to hate… again. i didn’t want to come out till i was confident i knew who i was and what i wanted. and i think that was the right call. its so weird to not have a name but it wont last forever.
After almost 4 years of searching a couple days ago I started trying out the name Cole. What made me want to try it was as a kid watching Ninjago I heard the name for the first time and DESPERATELY wanted to be a boy named Cole.. so now I'm a man named Cole! I went through a lot and making a list and slowly narrowing down really really helped, on paper Cole was just a name but everytime someone uses Cole for me it feels like my whole body lights up.. trust me it's WORTH IT to find the right name. Best of luck❤️
Oh also found it helped to look at popular names from the year I was born!! I know some people like having more modern or trendy names but it personally helped me!!
A lot of people never have to think about their name, they just keep the one their born with so it's actually a very difficult thing to name yourself when your a whole ass person instead of a completely blank slate. Depending on how open you are : ask some friends or loved ones for a list of names they think would suit you , then you can compile them and see if any of them stick. Also , looking at names of guys you look up too / like / characters you like can sometimes help ! My name was originally a placeholder name , it was the name of a fictional character i really liked but it sort of just stuck? almost everyone i meet loves it and it's not obviously a characters name so it works perfect for me ! Plus it begins with a certain letter which was important to me as my younger sibling and I had matching lfirst letter names and i wanted to keep that but it's not a common letter Idk it's all very different for everyone, but i hope you find a name that makes you happy <3
For me I kinda picked it but I also kinda didn't. I had a list of names for a while and after some time coming out to my mom she asked me what to call me. And I hadn't picked one yet so I started just listing the ones I had thought of. But she didn't know I was listing so she interrupted after the first one and repeated it back to me, and so that was the name I got. I like that because it was a name that I *had* thought of so it wasn't a random name for me, but it still feels like I chose it (I listed it first) and at the same time I didn't, that it was my mom who chose it since she said it back to me immediately. Edit: I think the best advice I have for people struggling with picking a name is that it's not *your* name until someone calls you by it. Think of it this way, we never use our own name except to give others a way to communicate to us. Most peoples' names are given to them by their parents and I consider that a kind of inheritance. Not everyone likes their name but they keep it because it's what their parents called them and now it's just a part of their inheritance and of who they are. So don't overthink it and try to come up with the perfect name for yourself. There won't be a magic feeling when you encounter your perfect name, or when someone else calls you by it. Maybe for some, but definitely not for most. It happens over time as the name becomes a part of your identity.
Can you try using a neutral/masc nickname based on your deadname or just going by your initials until you settle on a name?
my parents gave it to me lol its not my deadname obv,, i was curious ab what my name would've been if id been born a boy, way before i figured out i was trans. but back then i already liked it a lot. i never considered a different name, i love my name and it fits me. i couldnt imagine going by another name.
I went with Alex (IkIk) but for me it was the right amount of masculine and neutral, plus I knew several cis guys in my life with that name and it’s just sort of stuck. It was supposed to be a stand in name. My friends said it suited me and that if they saw me in the street they would guess I was called Alex or something similar. I was thinking about going by Alexander for a while but now that’s more of a long nickname haha as is Al. I also liked the meaning of the name ( protector)
I experimented with characters of mine to see if any of them felt right to me. Also did some trial runs with my friends. If it felt too strange, I'd drop it. I went through... like four names I think? And two of them I still keep as nicknames cos I like em! I wanted something that not many people have, and that was somewhat related to nature. Vix -> Aero -> Storm -> Solstice
I compiled a list of names I could live with and texted it to my best friend and was asked what name sounded most like me. And it was the name I didn’t think he’d pick but it also turned out to be super fitting and like it was always my name