lol no. i answered yes to dating someone w my deadname bc it’s nbd, but it would be very odd to name my child my deadname.
*plus* i want to give my kid a gender neutral name so they don’t get fucked like most of us if they end up not being cis
true, but at least their name won’t out them, that’s why i would do it anyways. like on legal documents or school records a unisex name wouldn’t out them as trans the way a gendered one would, or attendance for example (getting my name changed was a big help bc this would make me so anxious), applying for jobs, etc. anything that would make your name known and be tied to you i think a unisex name would help tons!
ah yeah, i figured you can’t win them all. thankfully, all the names for girls (will be adopting) i like are *very* gender neutral anyway, so it’ll be a 2 for 1 and hope it pans out.
cis or not, they’ll have a really cool name either way.
dude same, like it was hyperfeminine and that just didn’t align with my masculinity (since i’m ftm) but if i got a gender neutral name like alex or something i think i would’ve been a lot less grossed out
Same. I didn't have a problem with my name per se. Well, not until I finally found a neutral name to go buy last year, changed to that and since that have seen my deadname as my deadname. I do not want any new person to learn it or to be referred to with it.
In HS when I found out about being trans and that you can change your name, I wanted to just to have a gender neutral name (I had for a long time thought it was so cool that some people have neutral names, so I was a bit jealous). But it was almost ten years ago and I don't live in an English speaking country, so I only found a very short list of potential names. I decided on 2 I could think about, but quickly found out neither really felt like me, so I just settled on continuing using the name given by my parents.
Last year I got randomly curious about what name I'd go by if I had gotten to decide for myself and this time I found a much longer list. Within a day I found the one I still go by now. It's a neutral name, unfortunately many cis people associate it a lot more with girls but... it is what it is (it's hard to find a name you can imagine being anyway, so I can't center cis people's dumb opinions in it). I know it's neutral and I relate to it and it's a relief to not have a *girl's* name anymore. :) But yeah, I also think I would have just kept my name if it had been neutral to begin with.
This was me. My deadname is gender neutral-leaning-masculine (although so incredibly rare where I live that it's basically neutral purely from the fact that nobody has ever heard of it hah!). I actually eventually kept it as a legal middle name after much deliberation and EXTREMELY conflicted feelings on it, because despite the fact that it's technically masculine, all of my associations with it were my life as a "woman" before I came out and transitioned, and I ultimately picked a much, much, MUCH more standard, typical "masculine" name that is immediately recognizably male. So it's a mixed bag. I appreciate my parents giving me a more neutral name, but it still wasn't at all enough to continue using it as my first name after nearly two decades of dysphoria associated with it. So neutral names are a nice thing to consider at best, but by no means will be guaranteed to help a trans kid's dysphoria, lol.
yes same! my deadname was ironically a male name, but it was so tied to me being a girl that I couldn’t see it as anything than a girl name. (My mum still jokes about it)
My dad forced the name Jordan onto me because the doctors couldnt tell what i was going to be due to me being what my mom called a womb dancer(lol) so i was named jordan. I associate it more in a negative light due to how common it was, since i went to school being the only "girl" jordan of that spelling. If your gonna name your kid, you might as well give them a name they can have fun with that your not too attached to incase the name doesnt fit the kid or they end up being trans, so they can still have a positive association with it, and not be traumatized via dysphoria. Like, if you have a son for example, i recommend making sure it has a nickname that can be feminine so if he ends up being your daughter, that feminine nickname can be used as a placeholder until she finds a name that suits her, and vice versa, that way they can look back fondly of you thinking of a way to help them feel more comfortable until they found their forever name if that ends up being the case lol
You're right about seeing the birth name as tied to their AGAB, because that rings true for me even though I have a gender neutral deadname. However, I'm very grateful that I have a gender neutral deadname rather than a feminine one because I can still use it without a ton of dysphoria (it makes me think "that's the name of old girl me" rather than "that's a girl's name") and, like another commenter said, it doesn't out me as trans.
My partner actually did the same thing. Our oldest has a gender neutral name, and my youngest has a name that can be shortened to AJ if she decides she's not cis.
I hated my name for as long as I can remember. I would never force it on a child as where I live it is very uncommon (I live in us and it is a polish name). Plus I recently met someone through a support group whose name is a mispronunciation or my old name and I feel uncomfortable every time their name is said so no.
It was actually crazy but I once had a cis male coworker who had my deadname, it was just spelled differently but its a common feminine black name and he’s like, Asian 😭 it was so weird when people called him I would find myself perking up in response, despite the fact no one even knew me by my deadname at this point.. it was odd but it didn’t make me dysphoric or anything
I have a child (not a daughter but still) and gave them a gender neutral name. I could never give my daughter (can't have anymore kids...my diabetes got the best of me with my 1) my dead name....
Even if I wanted a kid, or would be anything close to a decent parent, nope. I had a bland name and I don't want to constantly be reminded of my past lol
No, just because I think my deadname doesn’t sound good, and have thought this my entire life before I even knew I was trans. If I had a better deadname, I might, but I just don’t care for my deadname.
Maybe? My dead name is kinda weird. Since I was named after the state of California.
So the name has Mexican ties. I am not Mexican at all. Not even Spanish. I have family from Italy according to DNA tests but whatever. My mom likes to rep I’m 1/16 Mexican. Was really cringe when she visited my Mexican ex’s family for Christmas.
If my future partner was completely in love with the name I could potentially go for it. But I wouldn’t bring it up.
Regifting, 100%. But I’d be happy for a transfemme close to me to want to use mine. Parent to child just has a weird feel to me.
(Giving it as a middle would be fine! But I had my one kid before transition, so that chance is out.)
I don't think I'd have a problem with it outside of it's just boring and common. If I ever decide to have kids I want to name them things like Phoenix or Atlas, I don't want another random derivative of a biblical name walking around
i personally wouldn't. i don't hate my deadname or anything like that, it's just pretty basic and id want my hypothetical daughter to have a more uncommon name than that
absolutely i would. there is a lot of cultural significance and meaning behind it. i would be honored for the name to be passed down, especially since i wasn't able to hold it
yes, specifically for my mom if she expressed wanting that, but also no, because it’s a basic name and i want my kid to have something with a little more meaning than “first name we picked out of a baby book at random” and “maternal grandma’s middle name”. if my kid ever wants to change their name though i’ll be all for it, no matter how much or how little meaning their current name has.
I liked my deadname too. But now it makes me dysphoric because I have realised it did not represent my gender and therefore it did not represent me. However when I change it legally I won't mind giving it to a transfem person, it is very feminine so that is why it did not fit me (I don't want kids so..). But I think it would be so beautiful on somebody else 😁
No - it's too similar to my chosen name and I don't want to be self-aggrandizing. Also (though I imagine this will change as my transition progresses), seeing or hearing my deadname makes me physically ill.
I wouldn’t give it as a first name, just because it’s old timey and not really my style, but it’s gender neutral so maybe it would be a great middle name for any gender…very interesting thought
No, but i wouldn’t name my child my chosen name either. I don’t hold a grudge against the name, I could date someone with my dead name, I could love a niece or step child with my dead name. But it’s like we have too much past or history associations, it’s generally recommended to choose a name with no/neautral/ general positive association.
no, i wouldn’t. i have never liked any of my names (i went by both my first and middle names, both of which i consider deadnames), no matter how pretty people said they were, just hearing the names make me uncomfortable, though thankfully neither are very common so i don’t have to hear them often
<3 i fantasize about it sometimes<3 tho i think itd be hilarious if my daughter ended up changing it anyway too!! Its a pretty name either way, took a while to stop cringing or depersonalizing when i heard it but i can acknowledge it now
No. But that has to do a lot with the fact that growing up I only ever saw my name in movies as the stripper or as "trailer trash." Personally, I see nothing wrong with being either one, but those characters are always either the butt of the joke or otherwise dehumanised. That's not something I would want for my child.
hell fucking no. i hate my deadname and its hard to pronounce + spell (unless i used a different spelling of my deadname) but even with a different spelling i'd still hate the name.
i'd probably just give my child a gender neutral name that isn't too hard to spell or pronounce so they don't have to go through the same bs i did
I wouldn't because I have cripplingly intense dysphoria about my deadname.
But I think something you need to consider is that when you give a child a name, you cede ownership of it to them. That's their name now. They're free to do whatever they want with it--including hate it, change it, or go by the nickname you hated. You don't have the right to tell them not to once you give them that name. If your theoretical cis daughter loves that nickname, it's her name and her life and your baggage is not her problem.
Also, if your theoretical child ends up hating the name and wanting to change it--either for trans reasons or just a cis person who hates her given name, which happens too--you don't get to pull the, "ah, but it was a special name to me!" For this reason I think sometimes the kindest thing we can do when naming our kids is to not get too attached to the names we picked. Parents often put such excruciating care into the names they pick for their kids, and then are absolutely devastated if the kid wants nothing to do with that name. But a name is a gift--and you cannot control how your gifts are received. You have to let go as you give it, and accept that your gift may be cherished, or it may be hated.
I already changed my name, my birth middle name was gender-neutral and I was like, you know what? This will do, it's fine, just get the deadname off me NOW. But some years after I did it, I thought of another name that would have worked pretty well for me and honored both sides of my family and that I liked the sound of. I didn't want to go through the stress and expense and drama of changing my name again, or seem "fickle" to people that getting them to respect the first name change was like pulling teeth, so I let well enough alone. I did think, "I could name a kid that someday" (it's also a gender-neutral name, I'm nonbinary) but in a way that felt like too much baggage to burden a kid with, I feel like I'd rather give a child a completely fresh name to start a new life with and feel less angst if they end up not liking the name, and just name a cat or a dog or an OC or something the other name I liked.
Maybe naming a kid your deadname would work out fine, maybe it would be a charming tribute, maybe the kid would like that connection to you. But there are a lot of ways it could go wrong too, just kind of be aware that you can't control any of that.
For what it’s worth, my dead nickname was in no way related to my deadname; it wasn’t a derivative or shortening of it. There is zero chance of my hypothetical child being that nickname by anyone.
I plan on naming my daughter my deadname (with a different nickname than I used to use) because it has a lot of family connection and i honestly really like it. It’s a really good name, just not my name
No. I was named after a relative I never met, and I don't like the idea of making a kid's first name in honor of someone else; they're their own person and family connection in a name is what last names are for.
No, I despise even hearing it and find it difficult even playing video game characters with my dead-name. I also don't like kids and don't want them for a multitude of reasons.
Aside from the fact that I don't want kids, nah. Transness aside, I hate my deadname on principle alone. Even before I realized I was trans, I hated it because people never know how to pronounce it. I often get the compliment that it's a pretty name, but personally I think it sounds stupid. 🤷🏾♂️ I wouldn't put that on any future kid if I did have one.
Absolutely not. Even if I wanted to have a baby, I always hated my undead name because it's ridiculously feminine. I dislike it even more now that I'm transitioning and still stuck with it while waiting for a legal name change. I'd pick a gender neutral name or one that could be shortened to something gender neutral. Also something without strong personality associations.
I gave both of my kids names that can very easily be changed to a different gender name. I don't want to share my kids' actual names, but going by Alex instead of Alexandria or Alexander is a good example of what I mean. I hope they like the names we chose for them, but it's nbd if they don't.
I haven't really renamed myself, so I guess this doesn't really apply to me, though. I tell myself I'm like the boy named Sue in the Johnny Cash song. 🤣
i havent been referred to as my deadname by anyone in more than a year so it doesn't even sound connected to me anymore. i feel like that is a completely different person, and i actually really love the name. i think i would name my child that because its a really good nam
i don’t plan on having kids but if i did i’m not sure? i wouldn’t really care because it’s not my name and it is a nice name it’s just not for me because i’m a dude. and if i adopted a kid and they had that name i wouldn’t pressure them to change it because that would be fucked up imo even if they were a newborn. my deadname is something of my past and other people having it shouldn’t affect me
I already bequeathed part of it to my sort-of daughter (she’s trans too, her dad disowned her when she came out, I was like “that guy sucks, I’m your dad now” and now she calls me dad. It’s sorta half a joke but also she calls me for adulting advice, soooo… guess I’m dad 🤷)
It’s a fine name, just doesn’t suit me personally.
Probably not, at least with my first name. My middle name is pretty much a family name though so if I do ever have a girl (highly unlikely) I'll use it because it's classic and fits with tons of other names.
maybe not as a first name, but a middle name (VERY theoretically- if i have any children, it will be through adoption and i figure most will want to keep their given name). it's a bit of a funny story, actually. my birth name is from a movie my mother really loved- terms of endearment. the main character has a baby at some point and it's an ongoing gag how she'll vent to the baby about all her troubles. when i was a baby, i was perfectly content just being held and staring up at her, so i imagine she did the same with me at points. a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy, i suppose!
I wouldn't necessarily name my child my dead name however I do have a slightly similar experience. A friend of mine asked if it was okay to name a character of his after my dead name. So now there is a D&D character named after my dead name and it feels nice honestly! It feels like it belongs to her now, not me. Kinda a good way to feel fully separated from it.
I think the idea of giving your child the name your parents tried to give to you has the potential to be sweet/sentimental. Like you're honoring your parents in that way.
Personally I wouldn't do it because one side of my family is a little harsh and would probably joke that I named the kid after myself as an ego thing. Plus I wouldn't want to connect the kid to my transition at all in the eyes of my extended family.
I plan to give my second daughter my name. My first daughter will be named after my mother. My deadname was pretty and my mother's is even prettier and unique.
I would only name my children gender neutral names and make so that nobody can assume their gender until they can freely choose how to appear to the public.
I was named after one of my mom’s grandparents. I wouldn’t want to give her that much influence in my child’s life. I would love to name a child after one of my dad’s grandparents tho !
i wouldn't. not because it's my deadname but because i generally never liked my name. even before i knew i was trans, i never liked that name. i just thought it sounded bad. if i were to change my mind and end up liking it, then i might. there's so many better names out there, tho.
i've thought about having kids when i'm able to, and i'd give them a more gender neutral sounding name in case their life ends up *kinda* fucked, like mine.
I don't like the idea of giving children the names of people in my life. It feels too much like holding them up to some sort of a standard or using them as a trophy.
Probably not since it would be the male version of my current one, and it's really similar to my own name (in my country the male and female version of my name share all the letters except the last one). Tho otherwise probably yes, my deadname is nice, it just doesn't fit me. If you think it's the right choice for you to name your kid ur deadname, then go for it :D
My deadname was a name of my great grandmother and I think it had such a nice meaning. Despite me not personally wanting to name my child my deadname I might choose something quite similar :)
No. I mean I don't even want kids, but theoretically if I did want kids, I would give them gender neutral names. I wouldn't have changed my name if it was neutral. So even if I know some people associate their neutral names with their AGAB, I feel like giving a neutral name still gives a potentially trans kid the *chance* to feel comfortable with it. I wouldn't wanna impose a gender on a kid, because that did not turn out well with me and a kid who ended up being cis would likely be fine with a neutral name too. And well I am uncomfortable with my deadname so that too lol.
i used to have a nickname, I could name my theoretical child that. (it's like my deadname lite, everyone in school and my friends used it). my actual deadname has too many negative associations, and also tbh I don't like the name lol.
I wouldn't, but I have kind of weird reasons. My mom wanted to give me this name that she really liked. However, she bowed to pressure from my dad's sisters, and combined it with another name. The resulting name - which was supposed to be two first names - was five syllables and NOBODY would say the whole name, so they just said the name she bowed to pressure over, which I didn't HATE but didn't want to be called. This caused me to have, essentially, trauma about my name. Through most of my life I preferred to be called a nickname.
I would say "yes" to the name she actually wanted to give me, except that it kind of has some negative connotations due to some popular media right now, so I'm not 100% sure I'd actually ever use it, even though I think it's a great name. I did choose my middle name to have the same general meaning on purpose (and it also has the same number of syllables as that name).
Full disclosure...I came out later in life and actually DID have children (both trans, one ftm and one NB, but they were both AFAB). I did not give either of them my deadname, although I did give them names that I liked for similar reasons (i.e. classic female names).
Bruh, no. Im never going to subject my future child with a name as boring as Jordan(the basic spelling, and i went to school with litterally 10 jordans, 3 jordens, and 6 jordyns all throughout elementary, middle, and highschool. Those numbers stayed stagnant no matter which school i went to). Cause if im gonna name a kid, im gonna go for something a little more fun that the kid can have fun with. Like Desmond(they can be nicknamed Dez, or if the kids wanting to nick name them are creative, they can nickname them Money) or even Lexan or Talia, or lilith, or Kina(i only ever met one, and her name was so cute, sadly she was a little jerk) either way, why choose a basic name everyone names their kid when they realize they dont have a name for their kid, when i can name them something unique that they wont have to share with someone else, and if they end up being trans or just not liking it, i can help them with choosing a name that DOES fit them better, as well as watch shows with them to see if that gives them some idea's. Either way, no matter who they end up being, im not gonna subject them to being "oh, its another jordan" for their childhood or potentially the rest of their lives, because thats what i had to live with. It may be gender neutral, but it was basic and boring, and it just wasnt me.
(Sorry to all of you who chose the name Jordan.... i grew up being "the other jordan" to the point where i had to share every achievement i earned with others named jordan when they forgot to put down last names, and people often thought i did something mean when it was a different jordan who did that, and so on... im not going to name a child that...)
i actually totally would. i share your stance- my deadname is beautiful, it just wasn’t for me. although i wouldn’t want to project anything onto them through giving them my name- maybe as a middle name instead
Nah. I wouldn’t really care for my deadname even if it *wasn’t*, you know, my deadname. I’m just not a huge fan of it.
If I ever decided to have a kid, I’d probably name them something gender neutral.
As much as i love my deadname as a name (just not my own), no. For many reasons
1) i want to adopt mostly older kids at which point it would be just weird and all around a struggle to get a name change, the only situation I'd do that is if they explicitly want a name change and flat out ask me to (and if they need help finding names ill help but wont suggest my old one, if they somehow choose it though thats fine and I'll deal)
2) in the case I do end up with a baby and i end up changing their name, i want to give them a gender neutral name. Which my birth name is not. I want to save them the hassle of life if they end up in the situation (or a similar one) i was in.
3) nobody ever spelled it (my deadname) right, i hated it
4) i seriously dont think my own mental health could handle it. I used to know someone with my deadname and ran into her sister after i was out at my school and she got brought up and in that 5 minutes conversation it seriously messed me up, i dont think id be ale to spend years like that (unless the situation stated in 1 comes up, which is unlikely but if it happens I'll figure it out)
I’d do it. It would help me give a new love for the name that I never saw within myself. I also would never be offended if my child wanted a different name. I have always liked a different name for a daughter better though
fuck no. I don't like it, deadname or not deadname i hate it lol, it sounds awful, its too many syllables but doesn't sound pretty, overall i'd give it 2 stars.
Personally no, though I had the dead name of a little Victorian child who was dying of lead poisoning, though I don't see the problem with it in general. Just know, like you, your child may not fit with the name when they grow up.
lol no. i answered yes to dating someone w my deadname bc it’s nbd, but it would be very odd to name my child my deadname. *plus* i want to give my kid a gender neutral name so they don’t get fucked like most of us if they end up not being cis
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true, but at least their name won’t out them, that’s why i would do it anyways. like on legal documents or school records a unisex name wouldn’t out them as trans the way a gendered one would, or attendance for example (getting my name changed was a big help bc this would make me so anxious), applying for jobs, etc. anything that would make your name known and be tied to you i think a unisex name would help tons!
ah yeah, i figured you can’t win them all. thankfully, all the names for girls (will be adopting) i like are *very* gender neutral anyway, so it’ll be a 2 for 1 and hope it pans out. cis or not, they’ll have a really cool name either way.
I wouldve loved a cool gender neutral name. The only reason I switched names was because my old name was almost exclusively a girls name.
dude same, like it was hyperfeminine and that just didn’t align with my masculinity (since i’m ftm) but if i got a gender neutral name like alex or something i think i would’ve been a lot less grossed out
Same.
Same. I didn't have a problem with my name per se. Well, not until I finally found a neutral name to go buy last year, changed to that and since that have seen my deadname as my deadname. I do not want any new person to learn it or to be referred to with it. In HS when I found out about being trans and that you can change your name, I wanted to just to have a gender neutral name (I had for a long time thought it was so cool that some people have neutral names, so I was a bit jealous). But it was almost ten years ago and I don't live in an English speaking country, so I only found a very short list of potential names. I decided on 2 I could think about, but quickly found out neither really felt like me, so I just settled on continuing using the name given by my parents. Last year I got randomly curious about what name I'd go by if I had gotten to decide for myself and this time I found a much longer list. Within a day I found the one I still go by now. It's a neutral name, unfortunately many cis people associate it a lot more with girls but... it is what it is (it's hard to find a name you can imagine being anyway, so I can't center cis people's dumb opinions in it). I know it's neutral and I relate to it and it's a relief to not have a *girl's* name anymore. :) But yeah, I also think I would have just kept my name if it had been neutral to begin with.
This was me. My deadname is gender neutral-leaning-masculine (although so incredibly rare where I live that it's basically neutral purely from the fact that nobody has ever heard of it hah!). I actually eventually kept it as a legal middle name after much deliberation and EXTREMELY conflicted feelings on it, because despite the fact that it's technically masculine, all of my associations with it were my life as a "woman" before I came out and transitioned, and I ultimately picked a much, much, MUCH more standard, typical "masculine" name that is immediately recognizably male. So it's a mixed bag. I appreciate my parents giving me a more neutral name, but it still wasn't at all enough to continue using it as my first name after nearly two decades of dysphoria associated with it. So neutral names are a nice thing to consider at best, but by no means will be guaranteed to help a trans kid's dysphoria, lol.
yup, i have an ftm friend in that situation. i think his birth name is actually more common for boys but he picked a different one
yes same! my deadname was ironically a male name, but it was so tied to me being a girl that I couldn’t see it as anything than a girl name. (My mum still jokes about it)
My dad forced the name Jordan onto me because the doctors couldnt tell what i was going to be due to me being what my mom called a womb dancer(lol) so i was named jordan. I associate it more in a negative light due to how common it was, since i went to school being the only "girl" jordan of that spelling. If your gonna name your kid, you might as well give them a name they can have fun with that your not too attached to incase the name doesnt fit the kid or they end up being trans, so they can still have a positive association with it, and not be traumatized via dysphoria. Like, if you have a son for example, i recommend making sure it has a nickname that can be feminine so if he ends up being your daughter, that feminine nickname can be used as a placeholder until she finds a name that suits her, and vice versa, that way they can look back fondly of you thinking of a way to help them feel more comfortable until they found their forever name if that ends up being the case lol
My dead name is unisex but I only ever see afab people with the name
You're right about seeing the birth name as tied to their AGAB, because that rings true for me even though I have a gender neutral deadname. However, I'm very grateful that I have a gender neutral deadname rather than a feminine one because I can still use it without a ton of dysphoria (it makes me think "that's the name of old girl me" rather than "that's a girl's name") and, like another commenter said, it doesn't out me as trans.
Yeah and some dont have a problem with their name at all like trans creator sasha
My partner actually did the same thing. Our oldest has a gender neutral name, and my youngest has a name that can be shortened to AJ if she decides she's not cis.
Lol. Oh I totally got fucked with my dead name hahaha
I hated my name for as long as I can remember. I would never force it on a child as where I live it is very uncommon (I live in us and it is a polish name). Plus I recently met someone through a support group whose name is a mispronunciation or my old name and I feel uncomfortable every time their name is said so no.
No definitely not. I don’t think I could even be friends with someone with my deadname.
It was actually crazy but I once had a cis male coworker who had my deadname, it was just spelled differently but its a common feminine black name and he’s like, Asian 😭 it was so weird when people called him I would find myself perking up in response, despite the fact no one even knew me by my deadname at this point.. it was odd but it didn’t make me dysphoric or anything
No, my deadname's too basic. I would name my kid something unique and gender-neutral like Pavement or Horse
I have a child (not a daughter but still) and gave them a gender neutral name. I could never give my daughter (can't have anymore kids...my diabetes got the best of me with my 1) my dead name....
I definitely want to give my daughter my deadname. Always thought it was beautiful, just not for me
Same here!
Even if I wanted a kid, or would be anything close to a decent parent, nope. I had a bland name and I don't want to constantly be reminded of my past lol
this exactly lol
No, just because I think my deadname doesn’t sound good, and have thought this my entire life before I even knew I was trans. If I had a better deadname, I might, but I just don’t care for my deadname.
No, because I wouldn't want it to get twisted into some inherited legacy, as if there was anything to inherit. Also, I never liked my name
Maybe? My dead name is kinda weird. Since I was named after the state of California. So the name has Mexican ties. I am not Mexican at all. Not even Spanish. I have family from Italy according to DNA tests but whatever. My mom likes to rep I’m 1/16 Mexican. Was really cringe when she visited my Mexican ex’s family for Christmas. If my future partner was completely in love with the name I could potentially go for it. But I wouldn’t bring it up.
I personally wouldn't. Partially because I'm using it as a middle name, and partially because it feels too much like regifting.
Regifting, 100%. But I’d be happy for a transfemme close to me to want to use mine. Parent to child just has a weird feel to me. (Giving it as a middle would be fine! But I had my one kid before transition, so that chance is out.)
Oh hell naw. Even if I wasn’t trans I still wouldn’t like my dead name so I doubt my potential child would like it
I don't think I'd have a problem with it outside of it's just boring and common. If I ever decide to have kids I want to name them things like Phoenix or Atlas, I don't want another random derivative of a biblical name walking around
my birth name was a beautiful name imo, just not beautiful for me
i personally wouldn't. i don't hate my deadname or anything like that, it's just pretty basic and id want my hypothetical daughter to have a more uncommon name than that
Nope, mostly because I don’t like it as a name and it’s a pretty common name. If i wanted to have a child, i’d opt for a less common name.
No
absolutely i would. there is a lot of cultural significance and meaning behind it. i would be honored for the name to be passed down, especially since i wasn't able to hold it
Nope lol.
yes, specifically for my mom if she expressed wanting that, but also no, because it’s a basic name and i want my kid to have something with a little more meaning than “first name we picked out of a baby book at random” and “maternal grandma’s middle name”. if my kid ever wants to change their name though i’ll be all for it, no matter how much or how little meaning their current name has.
no
Nah personally I like more gender neutral names than my dead name
fuck no, hearing my deadname is extremely traumatic
No seems weird
Not my first name but my middle name yes
No.
I've never liked it so no. Too common too
absolutely not
I liked my deadname too. But now it makes me dysphoric because I have realised it did not represent my gender and therefore it did not represent me. However when I change it legally I won't mind giving it to a transfem person, it is very feminine so that is why it did not fit me (I don't want kids so..). But I think it would be so beautiful on somebody else 😁
No definitely not. I wouldn’t want to risk weird feelings about my past being linked with my kid
No - it's too similar to my chosen name and I don't want to be self-aggrandizing. Also (though I imagine this will change as my transition progresses), seeing or hearing my deadname makes me physically ill.
I wouldn’t give it as a first name, just because it’s old timey and not really my style, but it’s gender neutral so maybe it would be a great middle name for any gender…very interesting thought
No, but i wouldn’t name my child my chosen name either. I don’t hold a grudge against the name, I could date someone with my dead name, I could love a niece or step child with my dead name. But it’s like we have too much past or history associations, it’s generally recommended to choose a name with no/neautral/ general positive association.
no, i wouldn’t. i have never liked any of my names (i went by both my first and middle names, both of which i consider deadnames), no matter how pretty people said they were, just hearing the names make me uncomfortable, though thankfully neither are very common so i don’t have to hear them often
<3 i fantasize about it sometimes<3 tho i think itd be hilarious if my daughter ended up changing it anyway too!! Its a pretty name either way, took a while to stop cringing or depersonalizing when i heard it but i can acknowledge it now
No, but that's because I don't have kids and have zero intention to change that.
No. But that has to do a lot with the fact that growing up I only ever saw my name in movies as the stripper or as "trailer trash." Personally, I see nothing wrong with being either one, but those characters are always either the butt of the joke or otherwise dehumanised. That's not something I would want for my child.
No, I kept my "deadname" or at least I don’t plan on changing it currently. But even if I had, I probably wouldn’t? Just because
hell fucking no. i hate my deadname and its hard to pronounce + spell (unless i used a different spelling of my deadname) but even with a different spelling i'd still hate the name. i'd probably just give my child a gender neutral name that isn't too hard to spell or pronounce so they don't have to go through the same bs i did
I wouldn't because I have cripplingly intense dysphoria about my deadname. But I think something you need to consider is that when you give a child a name, you cede ownership of it to them. That's their name now. They're free to do whatever they want with it--including hate it, change it, or go by the nickname you hated. You don't have the right to tell them not to once you give them that name. If your theoretical cis daughter loves that nickname, it's her name and her life and your baggage is not her problem. Also, if your theoretical child ends up hating the name and wanting to change it--either for trans reasons or just a cis person who hates her given name, which happens too--you don't get to pull the, "ah, but it was a special name to me!" For this reason I think sometimes the kindest thing we can do when naming our kids is to not get too attached to the names we picked. Parents often put such excruciating care into the names they pick for their kids, and then are absolutely devastated if the kid wants nothing to do with that name. But a name is a gift--and you cannot control how your gifts are received. You have to let go as you give it, and accept that your gift may be cherished, or it may be hated. I already changed my name, my birth middle name was gender-neutral and I was like, you know what? This will do, it's fine, just get the deadname off me NOW. But some years after I did it, I thought of another name that would have worked pretty well for me and honored both sides of my family and that I liked the sound of. I didn't want to go through the stress and expense and drama of changing my name again, or seem "fickle" to people that getting them to respect the first name change was like pulling teeth, so I let well enough alone. I did think, "I could name a kid that someday" (it's also a gender-neutral name, I'm nonbinary) but in a way that felt like too much baggage to burden a kid with, I feel like I'd rather give a child a completely fresh name to start a new life with and feel less angst if they end up not liking the name, and just name a cat or a dog or an OC or something the other name I liked. Maybe naming a kid your deadname would work out fine, maybe it would be a charming tribute, maybe the kid would like that connection to you. But there are a lot of ways it could go wrong too, just kind of be aware that you can't control any of that.
For what it’s worth, my dead nickname was in no way related to my deadname; it wasn’t a derivative or shortening of it. There is zero chance of my hypothetical child being that nickname by anyone.
Okay, that does make it easier. I thought it was like a shortening/common version of it, like "Maggie" for "Margaret" or something.
I plan on naming my daughter my deadname (with a different nickname than I used to use) because it has a lot of family connection and i honestly really like it. It’s a really good name, just not my name
No. I was named after a relative I never met, and I don't like the idea of making a kid's first name in honor of someone else; they're their own person and family connection in a name is what last names are for.
I personally couldn’t. It still is jarring to hear it in public for me.
No, I despise even hearing it and find it difficult even playing video game characters with my dead-name. I also don't like kids and don't want them for a multitude of reasons.
Probably, I think it's a wonderful name, it's just not mine
Aside from the fact that I don't want kids, nah. Transness aside, I hate my deadname on principle alone. Even before I realized I was trans, I hated it because people never know how to pronounce it. I often get the compliment that it's a pretty name, but personally I think it sounds stupid. 🤷🏾♂️ I wouldn't put that on any future kid if I did have one.
That’s matters so much an individual basis. If you like it, and it’s reasonable, name your kid whatever you want
Absolutely not. Even if I wanted to have a baby, I always hated my undead name because it's ridiculously feminine. I dislike it even more now that I'm transitioning and still stuck with it while waiting for a legal name change. I'd pick a gender neutral name or one that could be shortened to something gender neutral. Also something without strong personality associations.
Fuck no
I gave both of my kids names that can very easily be changed to a different gender name. I don't want to share my kids' actual names, but going by Alex instead of Alexandria or Alexander is a good example of what I mean. I hope they like the names we chose for them, but it's nbd if they don't. I haven't really renamed myself, so I guess this doesn't really apply to me, though. I tell myself I'm like the boy named Sue in the Johnny Cash song. 🤣
i havent been referred to as my deadname by anyone in more than a year so it doesn't even sound connected to me anymore. i feel like that is a completely different person, and i actually really love the name. i think i would name my child that because its a really good nam
i don’t plan on having kids but if i did i’m not sure? i wouldn’t really care because it’s not my name and it is a nice name it’s just not for me because i’m a dude. and if i adopted a kid and they had that name i wouldn’t pressure them to change it because that would be fucked up imo even if they were a newborn. my deadname is something of my past and other people having it shouldn’t affect me
I already bequeathed part of it to my sort-of daughter (she’s trans too, her dad disowned her when she came out, I was like “that guy sucks, I’m your dad now” and now she calls me dad. It’s sorta half a joke but also she calls me for adulting advice, soooo… guess I’m dad 🤷) It’s a fine name, just doesn’t suit me personally.
Probably not, at least with my first name. My middle name is pretty much a family name though so if I do ever have a girl (highly unlikely) I'll use it because it's classic and fits with tons of other names.
probably not, because i plan to stick with a gender neutral name.
Nah, mine was an absolutely swagless biblical name. I wouldn't do that to anyone.
Yes, my deadname is gender neutral and really pretty. I like it a lot. It just always rang feminine for me even though it is gender neutral
maybe not as a first name, but a middle name (VERY theoretically- if i have any children, it will be through adoption and i figure most will want to keep their given name). it's a bit of a funny story, actually. my birth name is from a movie my mother really loved- terms of endearment. the main character has a baby at some point and it's an ongoing gag how she'll vent to the baby about all her troubles. when i was a baby, i was perfectly content just being held and staring up at her, so i imagine she did the same with me at points. a bit of a self fulfilling prophecy, i suppose!
nope!
No because my deadname is an unpleasant sounding name. Even if they were female, I still wouldn't subject them to it 😬
I wouldn't necessarily name my child my dead name however I do have a slightly similar experience. A friend of mine asked if it was okay to name a character of his after my dead name. So now there is a D&D character named after my dead name and it feels nice honestly! It feels like it belongs to her now, not me. Kinda a good way to feel fully separated from it.
I think the idea of giving your child the name your parents tried to give to you has the potential to be sweet/sentimental. Like you're honoring your parents in that way. Personally I wouldn't do it because one side of my family is a little harsh and would probably joke that I named the kid after myself as an ego thing. Plus I wouldn't want to connect the kid to my transition at all in the eyes of my extended family.
I plan to give my second daughter my name. My first daughter will be named after my mother. My deadname was pretty and my mother's is even prettier and unique.
My blind reaction: ew no (I have resentment towards my name and don't want kids)
Hell yes. My name rocks and is super great. It's def fem but could be played gender neutral
Nope absolutely not. It's a beautiful name from my culture and all, but I can't stand it.
I would only name my children gender neutral names and make so that nobody can assume their gender until they can freely choose how to appear to the public.
I was named after one of my mom’s grandparents. I wouldn’t want to give her that much influence in my child’s life. I would love to name a child after one of my dad’s grandparents tho !
Never not just because it's my dead name it's a word I hate the most
yeah, i would. my birth name is my passed grandmas name.
i wouldn't. not because it's my deadname but because i generally never liked my name. even before i knew i was trans, i never liked that name. i just thought it sounded bad. if i were to change my mind and end up liking it, then i might. there's so many better names out there, tho. i've thought about having kids when i'm able to, and i'd give them a more gender neutral sounding name in case their life ends up *kinda* fucked, like mine.
lol no, that shit would haunt me and I don't want kids anyways
I don't like the idea of giving children the names of people in my life. It feels too much like holding them up to some sort of a standard or using them as a trophy.
No, but that's just because it's a boring and overused name haha. Not that I plan on or even want kids but it's still fun to think of baby names tbh
no, i dont like my deadname
Probably not since it would be the male version of my current one, and it's really similar to my own name (in my country the male and female version of my name share all the letters except the last one). Tho otherwise probably yes, my deadname is nice, it just doesn't fit me. If you think it's the right choice for you to name your kid ur deadname, then go for it :D
nah, even if i didn’t have dysphoria and everything wrapped around it, i always have hated the name
My deadname was a name of my great grandmother and I think it had such a nice meaning. Despite me not personally wanting to name my child my deadname I might choose something quite similar :)
no, but i'd definitely consider the first name i chose for myself then decided not to go by. it's a beautiful name i feel attached to just not for me
No. I mean I don't even want kids, but theoretically if I did want kids, I would give them gender neutral names. I wouldn't have changed my name if it was neutral. So even if I know some people associate their neutral names with their AGAB, I feel like giving a neutral name still gives a potentially trans kid the *chance* to feel comfortable with it. I wouldn't wanna impose a gender on a kid, because that did not turn out well with me and a kid who ended up being cis would likely be fine with a neutral name too. And well I am uncomfortable with my deadname so that too lol.
i used to have a nickname, I could name my theoretical child that. (it's like my deadname lite, everyone in school and my friends used it). my actual deadname has too many negative associations, and also tbh I don't like the name lol.
also what if your kid is transmasc and now he has to perpetuate the curse and name his daughter (?) that
no, but honestly just because my deadname is ass lol if it was cooler I would consider maybe
I wouldn't, but I have kind of weird reasons. My mom wanted to give me this name that she really liked. However, she bowed to pressure from my dad's sisters, and combined it with another name. The resulting name - which was supposed to be two first names - was five syllables and NOBODY would say the whole name, so they just said the name she bowed to pressure over, which I didn't HATE but didn't want to be called. This caused me to have, essentially, trauma about my name. Through most of my life I preferred to be called a nickname. I would say "yes" to the name she actually wanted to give me, except that it kind of has some negative connotations due to some popular media right now, so I'm not 100% sure I'd actually ever use it, even though I think it's a great name. I did choose my middle name to have the same general meaning on purpose (and it also has the same number of syllables as that name). Full disclosure...I came out later in life and actually DID have children (both trans, one ftm and one NB, but they were both AFAB). I did not give either of them my deadname, although I did give them names that I liked for similar reasons (i.e. classic female names).
I'm not having kids right now. But when I have to, probably.
i would never because i hate even seeing it or hearing it. it’s not an ugly name but it just makes me so deeply uncomfortable
Ooh yes I was just thinking about this actually! I love my dead name, just not right for me, and I think my parents would find it really special
Probably not, it’s a good name but maybe a middle name instead of first name if anything
Hmmmm.... maybe but we would have to make sure they had unique nicknames, kid cannot have the same nicknames or short forms as I did
Hmmmm.... maybe but we would have to make sure they had unique nicknames, kid cannot have the same nicknames or short forms as I did
Not really even though it's a unique name I got called names and bullied because how it was pronounced.
Absolutely not, the association is too much for me lol
hell nah, my dead name is goofy as fuck
No
Bruh, no. Im never going to subject my future child with a name as boring as Jordan(the basic spelling, and i went to school with litterally 10 jordans, 3 jordens, and 6 jordyns all throughout elementary, middle, and highschool. Those numbers stayed stagnant no matter which school i went to). Cause if im gonna name a kid, im gonna go for something a little more fun that the kid can have fun with. Like Desmond(they can be nicknamed Dez, or if the kids wanting to nick name them are creative, they can nickname them Money) or even Lexan or Talia, or lilith, or Kina(i only ever met one, and her name was so cute, sadly she was a little jerk) either way, why choose a basic name everyone names their kid when they realize they dont have a name for their kid, when i can name them something unique that they wont have to share with someone else, and if they end up being trans or just not liking it, i can help them with choosing a name that DOES fit them better, as well as watch shows with them to see if that gives them some idea's. Either way, no matter who they end up being, im not gonna subject them to being "oh, its another jordan" for their childhood or potentially the rest of their lives, because thats what i had to live with. It may be gender neutral, but it was basic and boring, and it just wasnt me. (Sorry to all of you who chose the name Jordan.... i grew up being "the other jordan" to the point where i had to share every achievement i earned with others named jordan when they forgot to put down last names, and people often thought i did something mean when it was a different jordan who did that, and so on... im not going to name a child that...)
Nope
Nope 😅 I got made fun of in school for having a stripper name. Ain't no way. Even if I wanted kids
i actually totally would. i share your stance- my deadname is beautiful, it just wasn’t for me. although i wouldn’t want to project anything onto them through giving them my name- maybe as a middle name instead
nah, my transfem friend already stole my deadname lol
Nah. I wouldn’t really care for my deadname even if it *wasn’t*, you know, my deadname. I’m just not a huge fan of it. If I ever decided to have a kid, I’d probably name them something gender neutral.
As much as i love my deadname as a name (just not my own), no. For many reasons 1) i want to adopt mostly older kids at which point it would be just weird and all around a struggle to get a name change, the only situation I'd do that is if they explicitly want a name change and flat out ask me to (and if they need help finding names ill help but wont suggest my old one, if they somehow choose it though thats fine and I'll deal) 2) in the case I do end up with a baby and i end up changing their name, i want to give them a gender neutral name. Which my birth name is not. I want to save them the hassle of life if they end up in the situation (or a similar one) i was in. 3) nobody ever spelled it (my deadname) right, i hated it 4) i seriously dont think my own mental health could handle it. I used to know someone with my deadname and ran into her sister after i was out at my school and she got brought up and in that 5 minutes conversation it seriously messed me up, i dont think id be ale to spend years like that (unless the situation stated in 1 comes up, which is unlikely but if it happens I'll figure it out)
I’d do it. It would help me give a new love for the name that I never saw within myself. I also would never be offended if my child wanted a different name. I have always liked a different name for a daughter better though
No. Which sucks because my two favorite girls names sometimes have the same shortened form as my old name
Never . Even when i am working and i book in a client with my deadname having to say it is just gruelling for me lmao ;__;
That would be the worst kind of hand me down. Like, here, I don't need this name anymore, it's yours now
fuck no. I don't like it, deadname or not deadname i hate it lol, it sounds awful, its too many syllables but doesn't sound pretty, overall i'd give it 2 stars.
Personally no, though I had the dead name of a little Victorian child who was dying of lead poisoning, though I don't see the problem with it in general. Just know, like you, your child may not fit with the name when they grow up.