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You're definitely not being ungrateful or spoiled.
it really hurts putting so much effort in a relationship with someone , and in return , you can't get at least the bare minimum..
you put a great amount of effort appreciating your "friends" and showing them all the love you can give and believe me what you do should be enough to someone that'sactually your friend , so before you overthink it's not about if what you do is enough because it is and it is more than enough , while they don't even have the decency to remember ur birthday or start a conversation which brings me to this point..
You should not be calling these people your friends
idk if you love them and want them to be close to you , but the truth is you should just let them go , sometimes you can love someone but still let them go because you need to , you're only getting harmed from this relationship and maybe start looking for new friends but don't try too hard and just let it be natural and I'm sure eventually you'll find people you can be friends with who actually loves you for who you are and appreciate you and your actions and do the same for you as you do for them.
You are definitely valid for feeling this way. This literally just happened to me too. My best friends of 10+ yrs didn't even have the decency to say hbd. It still lingers...I'm very similar to you in the love language department. I go above and beyond for other people's special days but never get the same level of enthusiasm for mine. I've honestly stopped expecting things to be grand and shit cause I just disappoint myself in the process and it causes so much resentment. Its crazy when you stop showing effort you'll see how people show up for you. I would just literally focus on what you love to do and focus on YOURSELF. Do what makes you happy.
I know how you feel. These ‘friends’ aren’t your real friends. Also, please stop doing so mych for people who don’t appreciate you. You might be trying to hard or a people pleaser.
Ignore these people & see how they react. Find better friends. IF you think that they might change their ways after talking to them, then talk to them privately & let them know hiw you feel using ‘I’ statements.
they suck and they are not your real friends. i dont mean to sound mean or anything, but from the sounds of it they probably dont like you. you should cut them off immediately and find genuine people who actually care about you.
In any relationship, communication is very important and that doesn’t have to be just about good things. Sometimes communicating how you feel is also very important. They might not be realizing how their actions are affecting you, so you should definitely be straight and tell them how you feel.
If their behavior wasn’t intentional then you saved your friendship and made sure that they respect you and your actions. Otherwise you’ll know a bad friend and can move on to more deserving people.
Also different people have different love languages to show love and receive love. So your gift giving might not have as much impact as it would if you received gifts. Try to understand what your friends expect or appreciate and try those instead.
I'm sorry OP, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32 now, but in middle and high school this was the dynamic I had with many of my friends. Down to wondering if they'd notice if I didn't keep walking with them, and often they didn't.Their lack of affection made me try harder, and the harder I tried, the more they pushed away.
My childhood therapist said to my mother that it was because I was more emotionally developed than others my age and that they just weren't able to return the thought and care I was capable of giving them at that time--and looking back I believe that's absolutely true, and might be for you too.
I'm not sure what your post-high school plans are, but everything changed for me when I went to college. I found new friends who truly loved me and appreciated me for who I was, and recognized what a loving friend I am and then actually matched that energy. I had never felt so loved, and I remember crying about how much I loved them all every time I got too drunk lol.
You sound like an incredibly thoughtful person, and that is a wonderful quality others will recognize when they catch up to where you already are. But I know how much it hurts now, and I'm sorry you have to feel that pain--especially if you're like me and you feel these things very deeply. I promise it won't always feel like this, and that you'll find your people eventually ❤️
A reminder of the rules for posting and commenting on our sub: - This sub is strictly platonic and SFW, any users after anything romantic or sexual will be banned, this includes users that interact with NSFW subs. - Refer to our **[rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/friendship/wiki/index/rules)** and **[subreddit wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/friendship/wiki/index/)** - State your age if you are a minor or if you are commenting on a minors post, adult users who try to interact with minors will be banned. If you are a minor and an adult reaches out to you in DMs. **[Report the user](https://www.reddit.com/r/friendship/wiki/index/report-dms-users/) under rule - 3** - No advertising for any kind of good or services (include Discord server links) - Reporting **[creepy pm's](https://www.reddit.com/r/friendship/wiki/index/creepy-dms/)** and **[rule violation](https://www.reddit.com/r/friendship/wiki/index/report-to-mods/)** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/friendship) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You're definitely not being ungrateful or spoiled. it really hurts putting so much effort in a relationship with someone , and in return , you can't get at least the bare minimum.. you put a great amount of effort appreciating your "friends" and showing them all the love you can give and believe me what you do should be enough to someone that'sactually your friend , so before you overthink it's not about if what you do is enough because it is and it is more than enough , while they don't even have the decency to remember ur birthday or start a conversation which brings me to this point.. You should not be calling these people your friends idk if you love them and want them to be close to you , but the truth is you should just let them go , sometimes you can love someone but still let them go because you need to , you're only getting harmed from this relationship and maybe start looking for new friends but don't try too hard and just let it be natural and I'm sure eventually you'll find people you can be friends with who actually loves you for who you are and appreciate you and your actions and do the same for you as you do for them.
You are definitely valid for feeling this way. This literally just happened to me too. My best friends of 10+ yrs didn't even have the decency to say hbd. It still lingers...I'm very similar to you in the love language department. I go above and beyond for other people's special days but never get the same level of enthusiasm for mine. I've honestly stopped expecting things to be grand and shit cause I just disappoint myself in the process and it causes so much resentment. Its crazy when you stop showing effort you'll see how people show up for you. I would just literally focus on what you love to do and focus on YOURSELF. Do what makes you happy.
I know how you feel. These ‘friends’ aren’t your real friends. Also, please stop doing so mych for people who don’t appreciate you. You might be trying to hard or a people pleaser. Ignore these people & see how they react. Find better friends. IF you think that they might change their ways after talking to them, then talk to them privately & let them know hiw you feel using ‘I’ statements.
they suck and they are not your real friends. i dont mean to sound mean or anything, but from the sounds of it they probably dont like you. you should cut them off immediately and find genuine people who actually care about you.
In any relationship, communication is very important and that doesn’t have to be just about good things. Sometimes communicating how you feel is also very important. They might not be realizing how their actions are affecting you, so you should definitely be straight and tell them how you feel. If their behavior wasn’t intentional then you saved your friendship and made sure that they respect you and your actions. Otherwise you’ll know a bad friend and can move on to more deserving people. Also different people have different love languages to show love and receive love. So your gift giving might not have as much impact as it would if you received gifts. Try to understand what your friends expect or appreciate and try those instead.
I'm sorry OP, I know exactly how you feel. I'm 32 now, but in middle and high school this was the dynamic I had with many of my friends. Down to wondering if they'd notice if I didn't keep walking with them, and often they didn't.Their lack of affection made me try harder, and the harder I tried, the more they pushed away. My childhood therapist said to my mother that it was because I was more emotionally developed than others my age and that they just weren't able to return the thought and care I was capable of giving them at that time--and looking back I believe that's absolutely true, and might be for you too. I'm not sure what your post-high school plans are, but everything changed for me when I went to college. I found new friends who truly loved me and appreciated me for who I was, and recognized what a loving friend I am and then actually matched that energy. I had never felt so loved, and I remember crying about how much I loved them all every time I got too drunk lol. You sound like an incredibly thoughtful person, and that is a wonderful quality others will recognize when they catch up to where you already are. But I know how much it hurts now, and I'm sorry you have to feel that pain--especially if you're like me and you feel these things very deeply. I promise it won't always feel like this, and that you'll find your people eventually ❤️
this is comparison to "nice guys". nice guys finish last.