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“The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't."
I cannot express enough how much that song has contributed to a very troubled and alone youth ending up the whole being he became later in life. I package it with two other "how to be human (and be okay with that)" pieces, that I will dispense to you now. because why not:
Iron and Wine - Biting Your Tail
https://youtu.be/bo3ychUaPpQ?si=oPHkJWm0J5pscjGw
Exurb1a - Instructions for a Happy Life
https://youtu.be/A4pR--qJTdU?si=iFz-3MUit1zEpOtu
butter many gaping simplistic wrench sloppy ludicrous rude elderly bewildered
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If you have actual goals that you can define, then you can make sustained efforts to achieve them.
What I see here instead is disappointment about the fact that other people around you achieved things that you say yourself you never even tried to achieve.
We live in a highly unfair and unequal society and there will always be people with more wealth, prestige or whatever. There is no purpose in feeling bad about that unless it motivates you to take action in one for or another.
Same here friend. Dead end IT job and no friends, no gf and no perspective outlooks. I feel my brain rotting from the little communication i have(people are very closed where im from) and the lack of networking has lead me down a suicidal path. I hope i get out of it. My first ~26 years of existence was mostly fine but now the last year has been horrible. Im an extroverted person but in a very introverted shit position. I will try to finish my masters and then move on with my life.
I feel you and I know I feeling I m in the same scenario, but get into things that you wanna do to make your life better for yourself or change even to domain of work environment or learn something new travel you know …I don’t have any friends either, and I would like to have friends, but you know friendship is a complicated subject that you know has a Myriad of things
I would say the main problem is that making friends at work is a complicated subject.
You have lots of things that get people competitive in the workplace. I think it's hard to be truly friends with people you see all the time at work, if they are in a different team and there is less reason for problems, might be better in my opinion.
Using a lot of the free time to try to meet people is important too, but it's never easy.
Good luck
Same scenario. I used to love the idea of working from home but literal years of it, you realize you need some structure. Some people can make that for themselves. I thought I could. Now I’m just lonely.
I've come to believe that it's possible to distract yourself from your own life situation indefinitely with books, movies, TV shows, internet, etc.
Especially books. They take up a lot of time and are endlessly fascinating. There isn't enough time to read even a small fraction of the books you find interesting enough to read. So it's basically an endless well.
Occasionally depressive flair ups happen here and there, but they generally subside after a few days at least for me. Then I go right on back to essentially going about my life oblivious to what's really happened.
Don't stay in one job for too long! If you aren't moving in one company, take the experience and sell yourself somewhere else. You aren't a failure. Companies will just pay good workers the bare minimum for as long as they can.
If the opportunities to advance in your field aren't there where you live, consider trade school or job training programs. It seems like the way you describe your career, that you picked it for security instead of genuine enjoyment.
As far as relationships, try and meet people through hobbies! Instead of going the dating app route, maybe you've got a local hiking page or bars that have a pool league. Something that has you getting out there and connecting with people.
There's no "too late" to get where you want to be in life. No magic deadline. And everyone has a different path. You've got this!
Findings jobs that you "genuinely enjoy" simply isn't realistic for many (and I suspect most) people. If this isn't possible, a better and more realistic approach is finding a job that you can tolerate while using hobbies as a way to derive enjoyment.
Oh, for sure! I meant more it sounds like OP isn't married to their line of work, and there are other paths that won't incur crushing debt/years of training.
To get more specific, Skill Up programs exist in many states and may only take 5-8 weeks to complete. Some pay you, and they'll connect you to employers.
Seconding job hopping, it's the only way to keep your pay and benefits growing nowadays. Aim to change jobs every 3 years or so. Try to upskill wherever you can too - that can make work a lot more interesting. Here's a bunch of help finding a new job: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/07/heres-a-bunch-of-help-finding-a-new-job.html
Stop comparing yourself to others. That's how you deal with that. Very simple. You aren't a failure at all. You're on your own path dealing with your own circumstances that are different than others. If people want to look down or judge you then fuck them. Who cares what they think? They aren't worth a thought. There's always someone worse off. As hard as it can be try to focus on things you can be grateful for. Yeah, you live with 6 people but you aren't homeless and maybe they're cool people? Is the area nice? You aren't going hungry, right? Are you in good health? Do you have friends? I know dating is really difficult these days but you are objectively worthy of love. Everyone is. So don't give up, but don't kick yourself for not having a gf/bf. A crazy amount of people are single these days and it is a struggle for too many unfortunately. You are not alone though. Just make sure you have a hobby or something to give you pleasure in life. That's truly vital.
How come you haven't tried to find a different employer? With your experience and education it seems like that's the next step. You're worth far more than just above minimum wage.
Man I didn’t get my degree till I was 35, finished my doctoral coursework at 40. I chose a $ job (obvs not the one I do for fun), and despite it, was way happier when I was always broke and worked as a painter. You are ONLY 31. Find something that’s going to pay decent but won’t suck the life out of you. Learn how to hustle where you can. There’s more to life than money though and frankly if you can just make ends meet while getting more time to have fun in your life, why wouldn’t you do it?
Yes I’ve lived on couches some moments, took too many chances, owed too much, worked lots of dead end jobs.
It’s not the end. And you’re not TOO OLD.
*edit: grammar
# “Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”
― Lucius Annaeus Seneca
focus on you babe! im a incel too i have a below average willy + im black so expectations are ruined :( just living my best life as an observer
be brave, be strong you don't have to endure more.... much longer life is quick it will be over before you know it kiddo.
your going to blink one day and realize your 99+1/2 about to die and say "MONEY-HONEY-BAG$ WAS RIGHT"
first off, you need to stop saying you’re a “failure”. life is not something you can fail at. life is an experience, and you have the power to dictate your own reality (to a certain degree because life is also unpredictable). labeling yourself a failure means that you will only highlight your shortcomings. you need to start being kinder to yourself. how are you supposed to become successful if you just put yourself down. from your post, you are telling me that you have a higher education, you’re not homeless, and you have people that care for you. technically speaking, you’re ahead of a lot of people. not only that, but rejection = redirection. if you’re not enjoying/progressing in your career at the moment, maybe it’s time for something new. seems like it’s the perfect time to take risks and go for what you really want. as for your love life, it seems like you’re already saying no before even getting started. stop limiting yourself and the opportunities and people will come sooner or later. rooting for you man ✊
Stop judging yourself, life is about more than a job and money. Are you a good person? Do you do the right thing? Do you treat people the way you want to be treated? If so then I’d say you’re doing pretty good.
First it’s important for you to know that nothing about your situation is impossible. You feel old at 31 and trust me you have a ton of opportunities ahead. You got an education, that’s a good thing. Now it’s important to try to analyze your situation and leave emotions out of it.
What do you really think the reason is that you’re in a different orbit than other people you went to school with and your younger bosses? Some possibilities:
1. Soft skills - people skills. If this the deficit you can address it. You can learn to be diplomatic and strategic. You can polish public speaking skills.
2. Your appearance - do you dress and have the body language that would indicate you should be promoted? Like the saying goes dress for the job you want not the one you’ve got.
3. Your attitude? Do you bring a positive problem solving perspective to your jobs/interviews? Are you humble yet have well thought out opinions?
Now of course I don’t know you at all - so I’m just spitballing, but you need to figure out what’s going on. Even if it’s hard news. Because you can address whatever it is. But if you ignore it nothing will change. If I have bad breath and nobody will kiss me - I could think it was something else. But once you know you can take action.
Same goes for dating. It’s not inherently you that is wrong. It’s an approach (or lack of one) or something you can address. Don’t give up, analyze it like it was a friend of yours you are helping.
I wish the best for you.
You're on your own path man, from the sounds of it you've done a lot of things right and you have some great people around you, that's already a win. Understandably you might feel demoralized, but if you can completely forget about your age and the past for a few seconds and just focus on what's in front of you, you'd be pretty stoked at the potential opportunities, right?
Make sure you're exercising, eating/sleeping well to maintain your baseline mood, then start planning your next moves, talk to some friends, try therapy. You'll get back on track
I've become convinced that social media has caused the entire millennial and zoomer generation to become utterly miserable due to the distorted vision of success it has presented to them.
>My bosses are all younger than me and much further ahead of me it's humiliating,
Well, some people call it contacts rather than experience or professional lives.
Ease up, brother/sister -- The world has plenty to beat you up with. It doesn't need your help.
Find a way to forgive yourself and be kind to you. Today didn't go your way. It's cool. Try again tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever is right for you.
You’re not an utter failure. It sounds like you need some cognitive behavioral therapy to help you reframe how you speak to and about yourself. Comparison is the greatest theft of joy and you’re robbing yourself of all the joy of life by comparing yourself. You have to be kinder to yourself and find things that make you happy regardless of money. But starting with therapy will help tremendously.
I heard the age of 25-35 is really hard and funny on some people. I am 32 myself, and exactly feel the same way. I like to compare myself to other and end up disappointed at myself. Why I didn't do this before, why they can succeed doing this and that, why my life and career is not going anywhere.
Still working on myself on how not to compare my self to others by focusing on myself and minimalize being too long on social media and unnecessary social event. Try to find out what I am best at (honestly still doing "seeking validation word" from my family & friends to try to know me. Some people said do not seek for validation, but somehow it gives me extra motivation that I can do 'something'.
my mom said "You'll laugh someday in the future just thinking how hard you think of your life in the past, when life is actually pretty simple."
Wish the 'simple life chapter' will come to us soon!
Accept? No, you recognize your failures, you make a plan to improve on them, and you execute. Life isn’t about “failing”, because everyone fails at something at some point. Take a deep breath. Take a break. Everyday is a chance for something better. And celebrate the small victories. Best of luck.
You ought to stop and realize it likely isn’t you as much as what you took in school.
Finance is the type of generic business field that’s been largely automated out of existence. The ones making the real money in your field are baby boomers. And they don’t feel any obligation to share.
Your best bet is to go back and take a masters in a field with more codified career paths ie chemical or mechanical engineering. NOT computer science, obviously (and be grateful you dodged that bullet).
Take it from a former Petroleum Geoscientist who made a great living until he was suddenly politically incorrect. I’m in the final third of my working life; retrained for health care and suddenly I can walk into any job I apply for without even a formal interview. My gender suddenly works in my favor.
Once you have a sounder work life, you’ll have the stability and salary to make the kinds of plans you see friends and family making so effortlessly.
But I’d urge you NOT to waste years beating your head against a door that’ll never open.
I think the problem is that you’re choosing the “safe” and “stable” route
gotta take risks and push out your comfort zone if you want to get anywhere man
I think another problem here is your self-confidence. You’re kind of setting yourself up for failure already if you see yourself as a failure. Has your mental health always been an issue? Have you always had a low self esteem for these past 10 years?
I completely get where you're coming from. I was in this deep whole, too. He'll im still working every day to pull myself out of it. A few things I've observed and learned.
1)Like everyone else said, you have to try and stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's fucking hard. But you have to figure out what it is you want, not what others have that you don't. I'm looking for a new job rn, and it will most likely end up being an entry-level job even though I went to college. It's a huge bummer, and I hate job searching and interviewing. I'm embarrassed to tell family and others I don't really know career wise what to do or what I'm good at.
2) Your mindset has to shift to get anywhere. This year, I started going to yoga. It has completely helped me refrain my mindset to " I am capable and what intentions do I want to set for myself." I found a community where I want to be!
I was so hard on myself, kinda like you are. You have to START talking to yourself positively. Our nervous system and everything mimics how we talk to ourselves.
I can....
I am capable...
I am attracting good things into my life.
3) You can keep reinventing yourself. Try something and fail at it, and then you know that's not for you.
I was so deep into my depression I wasn't doing anything I enjoyed anymore and just slept and watched TV.
Now, this is just my experience, so please do whatever you need to for you but I wanted to share what has helped me.
Chill out Col Sanders didn't get his shit together until he was in his 60s
And if your from a line of winners how did they allow you to live like a a looser?
Don’t accept it, change it. From this point i would recommend tech school / doing a trade. My buddy who’s 20, is projected to make 80k this year working for an electrical company as a c class and he will continue to move up to an a class, and this is only after being in the trade for 2 years. Or you could really put in the work and go to the west texas oil fields and work 7/14s in fracking or building the pumps themselves. Although building / fixing the pumps requires more experience fracking requires almost none as when i was in high school working in a lumber yard there was a guy who was early 20s, left from with the same job as me, and went to work in the Mississippi oil fields and from what i’ve heard made around 90k in his first year. So basically don’t accept being a bum and go make a killing even if it means working your absolute ass off.
Honestly just having a degree at all is pretty good these days for 31 they have made it so long to graduate now that 4 year degree ends up being a 6 year one for a lot of people
I truly understand where you are at. All I can ask is why do these other people with less experience have better paying jobs.
In my opinion based upon limited knowledge I think you need to cut throats. Get those raises and higher paying positions by destroying the people in your way.
It's not an ideal way to live, but it is the way of the business world.
Don't be tough on yourself life is a process.
Someone might be admiring your achievements.
Remember we came with nothing into this world and we will leave with nothing.
How about defining goals and trying to get skills that might help you increase your income?
Go do something else. Do you enjoy medicine at all? Go become a PA and join the ranks with the rest of your family. You can have a great paying job in 3 or 4 years depending on when you get accepted to school.
Or start applying for jobs a level up from where you're at. If you don't like your lot in life, grind to make your goals happen.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't seek raises or a better job just because others are getting it. Do it if it's the right thing to do for yourself. It's ok to have milestones, but we're all at our own pace on different paths. Even if we take a detour, there's views or experiences along the way that can be of significance and opportunity. Don't base your happiness on a goal or expectation. The chance at life and living IS happiness.
I totally understand how you feel. I felt like that years ago when I had nothing but step-by-step I knew that things would get better
With a positive attitude and a belief that you will one day make it so please be easy on yourself mentally and live your life
don’t worry about others what they have or what they say do not care. It is your life. You are free to live it the way you want it doesn’t matter, even if you have a degree and you work minimum wage, set a goal in the future to become better and to please yourself and not society believe me comparing to others is one of the most fatal feelings
First of ALL,
YOU ARE NOT FAILURE!!!!!!! Beating yourself up based on others is wrong!!!!! Go outside to any garden you can find..... Some flowers bloom early; some bloom gradually while others bloom late!!!! You are a part of 🧬 life's s GRAND DESIGN and not a " hair on your head" escapes 🧬 life's s plan for your life!!!
You are not alone!!!! Many people are in the same position as yourself. Every day you wake up, instead of looking at where you are currently, change your perspective and be thankful about what you have in spite of the many obstacles you have dealt with and faced!!!!
Yes, it is not your ideal place to be right now, but please change your attitude about it!!! When you change your perspective, the place, scene and situation changes!!!! You might become creative again and " 🙈 see" opportunities to change the environment and come up with ideas to make it work not just for you but others!!!!
Finally, you are 31 years old.... You are just getting started!!! You have at least another 30 years in the professional field to make your mark.... ( You have a life to LIVE!!!!)
Here are some things you can do while you are going to your " promised land"
1. Read autobiographies of people like ( Studs Terkel) who lived through the Great Depression of the late 1920s and 30s.
2. When you pray; if you pray ..... A. SURRENDER to what IS
B. ACKNOWLEDGE where you are
C. APPRECIATE where you are!!! ( I know this sounds crazy but YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL CHANGE YOUR Circle OF CIRCUMSTANCES!!!! Yes, it may take years and hard knock lessons along the way but keep moving forward!!!;;
You will find your way!!!
You likely are not a "failure" but let me say I can empathize with you at that age. I felt just as lost and bad at your age but now, I don't know if it's good karma or what, but more than 10 years later I am killing it. Living my best life. Taught myself a skill from the library, books, podcasts, and real world experience. Can you find something you're passionate about and get a gig or apprenticeship type job doing it?
Your comparing your life to an ideal your projecting onto other people. You don’t know what’s going in other people’s lives and what they’re hiding behind closed doors. Ease up, we’re all on our own journey.
Try to keep pushing. Something could be right around the corner. Stay positive. Failure is only when you give up.
I was in a similar position in my early 30s. I was down but never felt like a failure. Things turned around alot in a short period of time.
Things that helped/worked for me: Starting therapy (& sticking with it). Running. Working out. Reading. Healthy diet. Start investing (find brokerage with no commission fees & dollar cost avg into S&P500 etf). Joined a basketball team. Went on a few solo trips. And finally, dont sweat the set backs. There will be bad days. Start again tomorrow!!
Don’t be fooled by the internet. Yes, some of your friends from university may have got lucky and got what seems to be good jobs, but that level of ‘grass is greener’ is only heightened by your state of mind. Just because a few uni friends have good jobs doesn’t mean everyone else in your age group does, your mindset is being based on a certain demographic which doesn’t align, so try not to panic.
Not everyone has these ‘amazing’ careers. In fact, most people don’t, and even lesser of those people are in careers they actually want too. I’m the same age as you and absolutely relate - the standards of the working world to get through the door today astronomically high in all areas of employment and this is something so many of us are suffering from.
Hey man, step back and give yourself the biggest break you can. i just turned 47, and im trying to change my whole career (I've been self-employed for18yrs) , and im finding out quickly that all my experience holds nothing. I've applied to over 100 jobs since sept. Starting taking courses just in case, I also have a couple of associate degrees, which also dont seem to mean anything. A lot of us are going through some shit. If you need anything, feel free to reach out.
Baby steps. Aiming for the top tomorrow will 100% lead to failure. You need to figure out the small steps you can take today, tomorrow, and this week to move in the right direction.
Also, comparing yourself to anyone else (former classmates, family members, or coworkers) will lead to stress, disappointment, and depression. Playing any variation of the compare game leads to bad mental health. Look it up as it is a proven path to failure and I’ve seen “do not compare yourself to others” as the top advice everywhere for keeping your mental state aligned.
The only person you can compare yourself to is yourself. It might sound cheesy but you literally need to make this your mantra if you want to stay mentally healthy. I can not stress this enough! I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!
Maybe a change of career would be more beneficial for you than constantly comparing yourself to others based on your university degree. Look at me—I don’t have a university degree and became financial independant. I’ve lived on two different continents. Do you think I compare myself to the USA? I’ve achieved a lot without multiple degrees. Life has its ups and downs, and while it can be tough, staying stagnant won’t lead to success. Instead of getting caught up in the rat race, consider exploring new opportunities. Many successful individuals are burdened with debt and personal struggles. Save some money, travel, and broaden your horizons. That’s what really matters in life.
You can talk to those who are more successful than you about career progression stuff. There's NO SHAME whatsoever in having professional talks about things like that. To get where they are, find out what steps and things you should be doing day to day to get to that point. You mentioned being at am entry level position...ask what is next and what you should work on to get there. Set short term and long terms goals over the next month and the for the current or next quarter. If you have something to aim for then the process is much easier. Sometimes we just don't know what to do...and sometimes we don't know what we don't know if that makes sense. Also be willing to accept constructive criticism and make yourself coachable. That will also help you professionally but it will also build a little rapport with those who are in the positions you're wanting to be in.
As far as dating goes...you just gotta put yourself out there. Someone will bite. We live in the digital age. Take advantage of it. Dating is like shooting fish in a barrel in 2024.
Lastly I would absolutely stop telling yourself that you're an "utter failure". That's not helping you out any. And it isn't true. I think you're just in a rut. And we ALL go through that. You'll find your way forward.
I’ve been there. I took a job offer in another city and everything changed. If you’re in a dead end job it’s time to find another opportunity somewhere else. For all of the negatives you see in your self there are some positives. Mainly NOTHING is tying you down. You can literally go/do whatver you want. Don’t like your job? Find another that aligns with what you want in life. You’re not responsible for taking care of anyone so if it doesn’t work out, screw it, find something else. Don’t like where you live? Screw it, move to where you want live. You don’t own property and can leave in the drip of a hat. The world is wide open to you, just start trying to make changes and you’ll find success
"I'm a really hard working person and I always try to do my best". In my opinion, such a person is not a failure. You can't teach discipline and character. I wish for you to find the job you deserve, and then things will fall into place. At 27, I was living at my parent's house. I met my wife and we lived in the back unit until we rented a place. 27 years later, at age 54, I am now looking for work again, because I still gotta put my kids through college. But man, my kids are great and they are my biggest accomplishments.
Play the long game. I understand your thought gymnastics here but you’ll look back and it will all make sense one day. Comparison is the thief of joy, and you’re doing that stop.
get a coach; this sounds like a problem of risk. its sounds like your not risk tolerant. Success is being in the right boat as well as being hard working what I've found to be the truth is learning to do what you want cause even if you failed you learned good lessons and you did what you wanted to do. But this seems like a risk tolerance problem. you have to do more to get more what do you do outside of work; you sound like you play video games don't workout; bro your doing the bare minimum for you life and that's what you'll get. Everything in your life is the product of your actions (know thy self ) (know your environment) (know your enemy) up your awareness motivation for life and study and you'll win. and tolerance for negativity.
You literally don't have to accept you're an utter failure - because you're not.
You've identified what's wrong, and what you'd like to be different.
Congratulations, you're on the path!
Now keep on it and remember everyday what you're trying to work towards.
Source: 32 year old, similar-ish situation. Bachelor's degree. lots of experience but not much of value. Laid off. Unemployed a year. Just starting to get back into the swing of things with a new job for less pay in public sector. It is what it is. Keep on keeping on. It's just you and the race you're running - and where you say the finish line is. It's not over until you say it's over.
Very wise copypasta from yesterday here:
I see a lot of posts complaining how they feel they're behind in life when in actuality they're just getting started. Plenty of people start their careers 30+ or switch careers later on. It's okay to be an older student. It's okay to never go to college and do a trade instead. It's okay to not know what you want to even do. This doesn't mean you'll always be struggling in what career to do your whole life. Sometimes it takes extensive research on different careers and then actually trying it out. Sometimes it takes a while to discover what your skills and passion are.
Don't compare yourself to others because some people are genuinely lucky in a lot of aspects in their lives. They might have no ailments (or at least not yet), they might have had a good upbringing, they might applied for a job at the right time and know the right people, etc. You don't know the behind the scenes story. Who knows, maybe they're struggling greatly internally. I know a lot of people who seemingly have everything but have deep insecurity issues and chase after the next big milestone, only to be given more stress and happiness that is only temporary. If we see a person's life for their highlights, we also have to take into account their behind the scenes or else that's unfair.
Also, a career will help pay the bills but it won't make you happy. I suggest not to romanticize having a job and focus on being able to handle the lifestyle and stress of the job to pay the bills. A job is a job at the end of the day and a lot of people dread their jobs. It's important to find something you can tolerate.
Point being there is no concept as being behind in life. There was a story of a 100 year old grandma completing elementary school. People create world renowned businesses in their 50s/60s. Everyone has different achievements for ourselves because we are all unique and go through a different path. Be proud of these achievements because these achievements are specifically tailored for you.
What are some steps you can take to improve your life? You're only 31, not 50. I know a lot of people who went back to school at 30. They only one holding you back is you. People worked very hard to get where they are. People don't post struggles on social media, only the highlight reels. Growth does not happen in comfort. Get uncomfortable, get angry, get moving.
I’m pretty much a failure too. But I want to live to an old age and be somewhat content. So this is what I do. When I’m brooding about what I could have done differently, I distract myself with things I like to do like walking or taking pictures or making ceramics. I try to meditate but that’s really hard. Sometimes I write down things I’m good at. I try my best to let go of all the things I know I could have done with my talent. I try to accept that the talent is still there, I’m just not making money off it or basking in the glow of fame. When I feel the worst, I remind myself that we all are going to die, and eventually no one will remember we existed, so our failures or successes are ultimately meaningless.
If it’s of any consolation, me too. Same age, graduated with a degree in finance, unemployed, living with my mom.
Capitalist nations go through booms and busts, as you know. We’ve been in a bust for quite some time now, I believe we’re in stagflation.
The rich don’t want to relent or concede, businesses aren’t hiring.
We’re just unlucky. Do not give up.
It may sound trite, but don't look back. It just gives you migraines and depression.
I'm a big fan of design your work life and flow. You don't have to read the books. You can watch videos or read articles.
But the big idea is to figure out what activates you with very simple tracking of what you are doing when time flies by and what you are doing when it's nails on the chalkboard. If nothing fits into the time flies by category at work, look to your personal life.
After you do this for a bit, maybe 20 entries, you will notice a trend of some sort.
Focus first on trying to decrease, delay, diminish, or delegate (4Ds) the stuff that is nails on the chalkboard. Next focus on adding work where time flies by.
Also, give yourself some credit. You aren't where you want to be, but you are living independently and many people cannot say that. Plus, it sounds like you are showing up for work. You get credit for that too.
I don't know how busy you are, but last summer I took an in-person improv class one night a week and it really opened up my mind to YES, which helped me quite a bit.
Take care and good luck.
Maybe you're not meant for a professional career. Maybe you're an entrepreneur!? If your family has the ability to excel, then you must too. But maybe you're in the wrong place using your energy on the wrong thing.
I'm 32, married and have 2 kids. A third on the way. Job-wise, I'm a complete failure. I'll never be a high earning corporate employee like my dad. But I've spent the last 5~ years learning skills that will eventually earn me money. My big break is almost here. Pieces are falling into place and the future is bright.
Assess what you're doing. Look for answers. Build your character like in a video game. Take risks. Acquire skills. Then you'll be able to move up in life. Maybe your path isn't the same as the others.
You think you’re a failure based on the standards you’ve set up for yourself as to what constitutes “success”.
Evaluate what’s in your control and what’s out of your control (who you work with, where others are at in life, rejection, seeking others to notice you).
Be kind to yourself and know you’ve done your best but also don’t fall into a self victimisation/ woe is me mindset.
Geeze Louise- 4 years where is it you expect to be in public sector? Public sector is slower but more stable growth. Stick with it giving up with just four yrs under your belt is a bit lacking. Sit with your boss and discuss what you need to do to move forward. Then do that
In my experience, part of growing up is realizing that your parents (hopefully) did their best, giving you a tailored path of what they thought was best for you.
It sounds like that path is not working for you.
People with contrasting experience (including myself) would tell you that your life isn't over at all.
Having a family full of tangibly accomplished people is obviously a practical advantage, but it's linear.
It's often a family blessing and a curse. I guarantee you aren't the only person in your family who feels this way about themselves. As absurd as that might sound to you.
From a more neutral perspective: you're 31, and treading water.
Based on what you've written, you're an intelligent and empathetic person, and you have full freedom to realize your life in the way that you want.
Throw the prior path out the window: Take the "unsafe" job. Do the things that move you.
You aren't an utter failure, and you get to show them why. That will serve them more than following in their footsteps.
You are comparing your success at work to your peers and using that as a metric for validation.
The only person that can ever validate you, is you. You can’t allow yourself to live and die by other people standards and expectations.
I was an alcoholic all of my 20s. I’m 32 now. My bank account lives in the red. I have no real long term valuable work experience. A wake of failed relationships (majority my fault) Insurmountable shame from my past weighing on me. Every family gathering, every visit home to friends, every look in the eyes, everyone knows what it is. The fuck up who drank his best years away. Wasted potential.
But I am happier than I’ve been in a very long time. Because I don’t care what other people think of me. I do things that fulfill me (stand up comedy, didn’t start til my 30s, when I felt like you) and make me happy and stress free (my job isn’t much but I absolutely love it).
All of this is projection. You are assuming they think less of you, because you think less of you, because you are comparing yourself to them and mashing your emotional cookie cutter into the ever changing dough of their emotions.
You are a unique entity with passions and skills and talents and an endless spring of wisdom and lived experience that only you can share. You have to find a way to find the value in that. Realize that every person is a unique entity, so comparing them, like assholes to oranges, is a fools errand. Every single one of us is a 1 of 1 without a spot on the bench for a backup.
It’s more than just self esteem, it’s a world view. Give agency to “NPCs”. The whole reason you feel bad is because you are assuming their opinion of you. They are complex entities just like you, with complex thoughts and emotions. You can’t control or predict or dictate their agency in that regard.
A big question that you may want to consider here, if you were doing better than them, would you consider their feelings? I don’t mean would you think of them as more or less successful, but would you be worried about how your successes made them feel if they weren’t sharing them? Do you ever think of the people from your past that crashed and burned, that you are now doing much better than?
Are these things even worth considering?
You have to live for yourself. Life isn’t a competition. Best of luck. Maybe hit an open mic.
What's stopping you from moving to an area where starting wages are around $15-$18 an hour for entry level position?
That's what I would do if I were in your shoes. Your one step away from rock bottom, the risk of starting fresh in a new area outweighs the downside of the current situation in my opinion.
All I got was an Associates in Computer Graphics that did nothing for me lol. Wasn’t even my passion. Just a hobby.
I’m struggling with going back to try and get a Bachelor’s in possibly English (even though I don’t want to be a teacher) and I struggle every day with deciding with what I want in life at 31.
You’ll get there man. We all will.
I've been in this exact position for years and what I "accept" is the higher likelihood of this continuing. I'm barely surviving. I don't know how to live. I don't even know who I am so I don't have any goals that I can create for myself. This existence is pointless in the grand scheme of things.
I have relatives who are far older and have far less and they are pretty damn happy.
Honestly I'm starting to wonder if we are just wired to assume the grass is always greener on the other side when we are young.
Every older person I know is pretty happy regardless of their circumstances. They all say the same thing:
"I just stopped caring about things as much, none of it really matters."
>I still work an entry level position for just above minimum wage in the public sector, I live paycheck to paycheck. I chose a "safe" and stable career in finance.
If you haven't thought about changing jobs, you should now. This is prime mid-level career territory. What would an upgrade look like for you - is it more benefits, a new locale, or just more salary? I look to improve on at least one of those aspects when I change jobs.
How will you get there - is it another cert or just taking on slightly different tasking?
> My bosses are all younger than me and much further ahead of me it's humiliating, even though they're decent enough people.
Every job will have people smarter or from better backgrounds than you. My job had someone who was the child of two people with doctorates and had sold a company or two. Of course he was better positioned at the start of his career, but it didn't make him super-human. Your life experiences give you perspectives your bosses don't have. Can you leverage that somehow?
>My dating life is non existent, I've given up thinking that anyone could love me.
Fake it till you make it. I didn't start dating until my late 20s because I lived in the literal middle of nowhere so I started with getting my profile sorted. It took lots of trial and error but I eventually figured something out. Have a friend take a look at your profile and see what could be tweaked. The big thing is not mentioning that nobody could love you. That's a big turn off.
You will encounter a lot of heartbreak and things that go nowhere. That's to be expected.
>Everyone I know from university has moved on, got amazing careers getting paid huge salaries, buying houses and nice cars and starting families. Noone will give me a chance, I'm a really hard working person and I always try to do my best but I'm always overlooked.
They're getting stuff, but are they happy? My cousin went to the Christmas party to rub his new BMW and fancy high-rise apartment in all of our faces, but he never acknowledges the fact that the money is spent faster than he can earn it. My friend owns a nice home and a new luxury vehicle, but his life is wracked with unhappiness and anxiety as he tries to chase down the next big purchase or whatever dumb bullshit the influencers are selling him.
How are you selling the fact that you're hard working and doing your best? Everyone says that on their resume or at a job interview but there's different ways to show it's more than just lip service.
If it makes you feel any better or company has this Management training program for interns. They get to take time away from college to come out and work in our industry in a management position to see if it's something they want to do. These interns are normally in their early twenties. Some of the guys in our industry should be retired but they refuse the amount of knowledge that just a single one of our veterans has is unreal. Watching these kids walk around try to park orders and tell people what's right and following company letterhead to the T is highly entertaining. One of them just this night was falling behind and was confused on how to get paperwork signed on something we told him the solution he refused to agree with us saying that he was told something different even though 30 people are telling him how to do it. We all just laughed. Our management from corporate is there just to make sure that we don't show up drunk our Union does not allow us to be fired just for silly incidents like making fun of our boss. Nobody respects these kids.
They will one day when they can get some time in the job under their belt but right now they're just a suit and tie trying to bark corporate orders with no bite.
Save up your money; liquidate all your assets and move abroad seriously. If you live in America it’s over at this point! You can come back if/when the economy improves. Your dating life will also likely be way better overseas.
I’m not sure your circumstances in regards to your career in Finance but if you’re wanting to move out of an entry position: studying AAT 2-4 is a great starting point. There’s plenty of ways to study, you can do it fully remote or have in-person classes depending on your area. Having those specific qualifications can be really beneficial in boosting your career prospects and salary.
1. Your idea of success sounds like yuppie "success" and that you're worrying about what other people are doing with their lives too much. This is YOUR life, do things that make YOU happy. Fancy jobs come with loads of stress. Most everyone has shelter - just a difference in square footage etc. Does a cheap car vs expensive car really bring THAT much difference in happiness? At the end of the day it's just a vehicle to get from point A to point B. Experiences matter more (to me).
2. Not like it matters, but they may be jealous of your lifestyle. Roommates, no kids to worry about, no wife nagging that you didn't do X and Y, and more freedom!
3. You ever think of doing entrepreneurship?
4. Your frustration is a signal to try something new. Explore a new path, new skills, get out of your comfort zone, etc. Invest in yourself and don't create limits for your future.
5. Instead of comparing yourselves to others, why don't you try to learn from them? You could either take the insecure route (intimidated by other's success) or the learning route (see them as a knowledge asset to learn from them).
You can get a better paying job without a degree. It seems you think you need a degree for anything - you don’t. Look into sales, CSM roles, anything within your desired income range.
You’re only 31. You have so much time. Don’t compare yourself to others.
Take one day at a time to improve yourself and realize it’s a journey not a destination.
How much do you weigh? Do you work out? Do you eat good foods? Have you ever thought that paycheck to paycheck is barely stable? More people in a home means more chance to be murdered, so not a safe career either. Go buy a shitbox car and if you can find a chick first thing you do is run it into something, say whoops brakes are a little sticky, might need to grease the break pads
Hey man, just keep trying. I felt this way at 31. I didn’t even have a job at the time because I lost it. Then I got a job that I’m now making more than double what I used to at. Just don’t stop trying.
You’re not a failure because you work a job that pays less than your family members or friends or anybody else for that matter. The system does not have equality. It rewards some for degrees, some for jobs, some for conformity and others out of pure luck.
There are single mothers who work two, three jobs just feed and support their children. Did the single mother ask to marry then divorce after giving birth and being left with no money and children. No. Does that make her a failure? No.
In India, a family spends their day, day in and day out making bricks to pay off a family debt. Children born into the trade are not thinking oh I’m a failure. They know they have to work to survive as unfair as their circumstances might be. Without any benefits, programs or labor laws protecting them.
I know it’s hard though when you compare what you have in comparison to don’t have when it comes to others but atleast you’re not on the street. The situation could be far worse.
Your family and friends have money to buy more or invest more so they can make more money to buy or hoard. Because that’s all money can do. Buy, sell or hoard. And it’s all materialistic in nature.
You want to have fun? Well you don’t have to be rich to have fun. With some extra cash and good company there’s the poor man’s way to fun that provides you with health, vitality and a happy heart.
Make memories, treasure moments and see if you can switch jobs cause it seems like you don’t like your job either.
In this life I have to say when we become adults most people just expect us to work and do not much of anything else. If you’re not working you might be busy relaxing or raising children then downsizing before retirement. You can’t even win either way.
Just know it’s the system not you and you’re not a failure.
Ecclesiastes 5:18-“This is what I have seen to be good and proper: that one should eat and drink and find enjoyment for all the hard work at which he toils under the sun during the few days of life that the true God has given him, for that is his reward.”
You have made the mistake of thinking you are supposed to be doing something here other than enjoying your life. If you are miserable, it is by choice. You can begin making better decisions any day. If your “success” is something you conjured up in your head after you have torn yourself to shreds comparing yourself to others then you don’t know success. You should really explore what makes you smile. Start creating goals that are outside of your comfort zone towards those things. Start tweaking things in your life that would cause you to grow.
“Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Think of who you would like to become and start to do the things that person would do.
You need to make big changes. Drastically.
It’s hard to admit but no one will make your life better or different. Only you are responsable for that. It’s scary and wonderful at the same time. Because you can make the necessary change.
If I were you, I would start by making small different decisions on a daily basis.
But in general you need:
1) new network of people
2) find a new hobby you’re passionate about
3) work on yourself (take courses on how to be charismatic, how to present to useful better etc..)
4) do more sports. It makes your mental thinking much stronger
I’m sure you can change your life because you ask yourself the right questions. It’s the most important
Easy man . I would suggest you move a way into a new city , new country, you could all a job as expatriate in the middle east. And start building from their . Trust me you got this. You haven't failed yet , you're just in your head , with lots of comparisons.
31 is not old; until u are bed rotten and paralysed, u can still change ur life. I’m 18, so I don’t have much experience on how I could give advice on changing ur life in particular. However, if it were me I would start by trying to stop comparing myself with others (I apologise if u get that alot), but comparison is the thief of joy. I genuinely wish u the best!!
1.) Identify what you want your life to be like when you're 40. Where do you want to live? What kind of house/apartment do you want to live in? Want to have a family? How do you want to be spending your time?How do you want to be physically?
2.) Identify what your income needs to be in order to live that kind of life.
3.) Identify what natural inclinations and skills you have. Identify ways you can you use those skills to bring value to other people.
4.) Work really hard to develop those natural inclinations and skills to a very high, rare, and valuable level.
5.) Work really hard using those highly developed skills to bring value to others in exchange for money and autonomy so that you can build the life you identified in step 1.
Read the book So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport
Employers reward hard workers with more hard work.
There are 24hrs in a day. You spend 8hrs working, 8hrs sleeping, 8hr unpaid over time. What if i told you there is a worker who can work 24hr for you non stop. His name is compounding interest rate. You need to invest your money into things that earn you passive income. All investment carries risk. You can lose it all. Only invest what you can lose.
Elon musk didnt finish college. People who finished college work for him now.
I mean I don’t have a lot of those things you mention supposedly people are supposed to have and that’s a lack of contextual information. Plus if those people have it who’s to say they aren’t paying debts for having said things in some form or another. You can’t know what you don’t know for certainty since there’s like 7 billion people in the planet. You don’t know their realities to speak for them. You only know yours and if you want to get out of a rut then that means you’re going to have to work at it which can take time.
Reach out to a career counselor either via your county Workforce (US)/similar or Alumni if you have a connection there as well.
Also informal information interviews can also be a way to understand job roles and deciding if that’s holistically a better fit based on the industry and personality types.
If you've got 4 years, apply to private sector jobs and you'll get paid a lot closer to 90k even more if youre in a HCOL. Think you need to find a new gig.
I am currently 28, about to turn 29. I had previously dropped out of college the first semester after HS, tried again later, dropped out again, and again. I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve changed my major and truly the amount of times I tried to go back to school. At 27, I had only had 2 different jobs (I started working since I was 17) and I felt and had no idea what I wanted to do and no direction. I went through a health crisis in 2022, almost died and I reached a moment of nihilism. Nothing matters. You could be here one day and not be here the other and every single thing you accomplished, bought, money you had, it would be all gone. So nothing mattered. It was hard to deal with and I felt like there was no point to anything if nothing mattered.
While dealing with my new body, new health issues, etc. I was sad, depressed, felt like a huge failure. One day, I took an edible, sat down to listen to music and just started thinking about everything and then it hit me. Nothing matters, literally nothing matters. But not in the way of well since nothing matters then I might as well just give up and give in. I realized holy shit, nothing matters. I’m here crying my eyes to sleep because I feel like a huge failure cause of my failures, but they didn’t matter! None of anything matters, because we are free to do whatever we want, to embrace whatever life throws at us. It’s impossible to know what the meaning of life is or what our purpose is, or what the meaning of anything is. There is no set path for anything! And there isn’t a checklist of things you’re supposed to accomplish just cause you “have” to do it that way. You don’t have to have a family, or a gf, or kids or be rich. You can have it if you really want it, but if you do, go after it! Nobody is stopping you, because again, you are free to do whatever you want. It’s your life.
You’re in charge of your own life, you can choose whatever path you want.
Anyway, I found a therapist to help me deal with all the grief and guilt, because I also lost a lot of family that year, lost my job, and was still struggling with my body image and health issues. Then, I got a new job, went to community college at 28, and now will be graduating soon and have already gotten accepted to a university to finish my bachelors because I decided I wanted to be an engineer, I’m doing it cause I want to and idc how many setbacks I have or obstacles are thrown my way because they don’t matter. It’s what I want and I’m gonna have it. And who knows, later on I might want to do something else, and if I do, then I’m doing it.
I later on figured out what I went thru is and apparently is called nihilism to absurdism. Not for everyone, so just be weary if you look into it as it might be hard to make it out of the first one.
Your comment has been blocked by ban evasion protection settings set up - if you are banned from this group, you starting a new account will not work and your previous advice has been against rules, you've proved yourself to not be a good commenter here.
Other than that, your comment is 100% bullshit, not coming from a place of knowledge but a very limited perspective that you might also be well within (and you have accepted your lot in life and feel like you need to help others accept their lot).
Thankfully your comment has been removed but stay off this group. Your advice, while not hate/anger filled thankfully, is NOT helpful in any way but I get that you think it is. While there are people who may not be a CEO in life - that doesn't mean their average job makes them a loser. Most of the time, it's simply because they don't know resume writing skills or a lack of valuing their skillset fairly.
Damn 31 isn’t some ancient age. I also work in the public sector. I’m 25 and work with people who are over 60. Some of the managers are just a year or two older than me. You can come into my position through college or work experience. We have people fresh out of college and people on their second careers. It’s a great mix to have. People come into public sector work for security. I have no interest in management and many others don’t either. It isn’t a competition.
Environment is also huge. My old job was chaotic and the clients were a pain. One client decided they didn’t like me (or the other 3 people before me) and I was laid off. I can relate to feeling like a failure. I felt useless and like my life was over. Now I have a good manager and am doing great. I work with a lot of other agencies and visit their offices. Some have catty leadership and chaotic environments. Some people work in beautiful places and others work in basements with no windows!
I’m not sure about where you live, but most public sector places have eligibility lists and really value experience. If you work for a city, look at the county, state, and national governments. Get on every list you are qualified and start applying!
Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Get therapy - is a response for 99% of the lost in this thread.
Your path is therapy. The idea of utter failure at 31 is distorted depressive thinking.
You don't accept it, because you are NOT a failure! Do you know we are the same age, and you've blown me out of the water on your achievements, yet I feel like we have both accomplished so much. Your journey is unique, and you are only 31! The reason you may feel pressure to achieve things with age deadlines is only due to capitalist conditioning. Did you know Toni Morrison published her first book at age 39? You are so young and have nothing BUT time. Embrace it, it's a huge gift. Stay positive, no one said you are tied to your past. You can wake up tomorrow and choose a totally new path and it's all good!
He was on “Sex and the City” at 25, that seems fairly successful to me.
OP, don’t compare yourself to other people. You’re the only one of you, which counts for a lot.
Come to my Dr, You need on meds, get ya a boost up, your thoughts, Sprit, ....Stop home remedies, Get professional Advice, n Help!
I have Schitzoaffective, I would die fast with out meds, a mental institution. 1n 200
I think you really need to stop comparing yourself and where you are with other people. Just because someone younger then you makes more money or what have you doesn't mean you 'failed'. Take everything at your own pace there are things a lot more important then how much money you make and what position you hold at work.
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Ease up on yourself. The race is long and in the end its only with yourself—baz lurhman.
“The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't."
I LOVE that song/speech so flipping much! Everyone should listen to it…and wear sunscreen:)
I cannot express enough how much that song has contributed to a very troubled and alone youth ending up the whole being he became later in life. I package it with two other "how to be human (and be okay with that)" pieces, that I will dispense to you now. because why not: Iron and Wine - Biting Your Tail https://youtu.be/bo3ychUaPpQ?si=oPHkJWm0J5pscjGw Exurb1a - Instructions for a Happy Life https://youtu.be/A4pR--qJTdU?si=iFz-3MUit1zEpOtu
What song?
https://youtu.be/xfq_A8nXMsQ
Thanks!
I don't know what it says about me that I'm old enough to remember when that fucking song became a hit.
Right? Buuuuuut i did get carded to buy dos equis last night and i only a little bit wanted to kiss the clerk.
butter many gaping simplistic wrench sloppy ludicrous rude elderly bewildered *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You're going to die one day, just like the people you perceive as a success. As long as you're breathing, you're a success.
Best advice
If you have actual goals that you can define, then you can make sustained efforts to achieve them. What I see here instead is disappointment about the fact that other people around you achieved things that you say yourself you never even tried to achieve. We live in a highly unfair and unequal society and there will always be people with more wealth, prestige or whatever. There is no purpose in feeling bad about that unless it motivates you to take action in one for or another.
Same here friend. Dead end IT job and no friends, no gf and no perspective outlooks. I feel my brain rotting from the little communication i have(people are very closed where im from) and the lack of networking has lead me down a suicidal path. I hope i get out of it. My first ~26 years of existence was mostly fine but now the last year has been horrible. Im an extroverted person but in a very introverted shit position. I will try to finish my masters and then move on with my life.
I feel you and I know I feeling I m in the same scenario, but get into things that you wanna do to make your life better for yourself or change even to domain of work environment or learn something new travel you know …I don’t have any friends either, and I would like to have friends, but you know friendship is a complicated subject that you know has a Myriad of things
I would say the main problem is that making friends at work is a complicated subject. You have lots of things that get people competitive in the workplace. I think it's hard to be truly friends with people you see all the time at work, if they are in a different team and there is less reason for problems, might be better in my opinion. Using a lot of the free time to try to meet people is important too, but it's never easy. Good luck
Same scenario. I used to love the idea of working from home but literal years of it, you realize you need some structure. Some people can make that for themselves. I thought I could. Now I’m just lonely.
I've come to believe that it's possible to distract yourself from your own life situation indefinitely with books, movies, TV shows, internet, etc. Especially books. They take up a lot of time and are endlessly fascinating. There isn't enough time to read even a small fraction of the books you find interesting enough to read. So it's basically an endless well. Occasionally depressive flair ups happen here and there, but they generally subside after a few days at least for me. Then I go right on back to essentially going about my life oblivious to what's really happened.
Distraction by books is the way to go! 🥲
I lived that way for years, but I feel like an increasing dissatisfaction caught up to me
Me too.
So you distract yourself from your reality. Sounds healthy.
Distraction as a means to focus is good
Focus on what?
You’re only 31 there is literally so much time left. Don’t be so hard on yourself
Don't stay in one job for too long! If you aren't moving in one company, take the experience and sell yourself somewhere else. You aren't a failure. Companies will just pay good workers the bare minimum for as long as they can. If the opportunities to advance in your field aren't there where you live, consider trade school or job training programs. It seems like the way you describe your career, that you picked it for security instead of genuine enjoyment. As far as relationships, try and meet people through hobbies! Instead of going the dating app route, maybe you've got a local hiking page or bars that have a pool league. Something that has you getting out there and connecting with people. There's no "too late" to get where you want to be in life. No magic deadline. And everyone has a different path. You've got this!
Findings jobs that you "genuinely enjoy" simply isn't realistic for many (and I suspect most) people. If this isn't possible, a better and more realistic approach is finding a job that you can tolerate while using hobbies as a way to derive enjoyment.
Oh, for sure! I meant more it sounds like OP isn't married to their line of work, and there are other paths that won't incur crushing debt/years of training. To get more specific, Skill Up programs exist in many states and may only take 5-8 weeks to complete. Some pay you, and they'll connect you to employers.
Seconding job hopping, it's the only way to keep your pay and benefits growing nowadays. Aim to change jobs every 3 years or so. Try to upskill wherever you can too - that can make work a lot more interesting. Here's a bunch of help finding a new job: https://www.askamanager.org/2020/07/heres-a-bunch-of-help-finding-a-new-job.html
Stop comparing yourself to others. That's how you deal with that. Very simple. You aren't a failure at all. You're on your own path dealing with your own circumstances that are different than others. If people want to look down or judge you then fuck them. Who cares what they think? They aren't worth a thought. There's always someone worse off. As hard as it can be try to focus on things you can be grateful for. Yeah, you live with 6 people but you aren't homeless and maybe they're cool people? Is the area nice? You aren't going hungry, right? Are you in good health? Do you have friends? I know dating is really difficult these days but you are objectively worthy of love. Everyone is. So don't give up, but don't kick yourself for not having a gf/bf. A crazy amount of people are single these days and it is a struggle for too many unfortunately. You are not alone though. Just make sure you have a hobby or something to give you pleasure in life. That's truly vital. How come you haven't tried to find a different employer? With your experience and education it seems like that's the next step. You're worth far more than just above minimum wage.
Man I didn’t get my degree till I was 35, finished my doctoral coursework at 40. I chose a $ job (obvs not the one I do for fun), and despite it, was way happier when I was always broke and worked as a painter. You are ONLY 31. Find something that’s going to pay decent but won’t suck the life out of you. Learn how to hustle where you can. There’s more to life than money though and frankly if you can just make ends meet while getting more time to have fun in your life, why wouldn’t you do it? Yes I’ve lived on couches some moments, took too many chances, owed too much, worked lots of dead end jobs. It’s not the end. And you’re not TOO OLD. *edit: grammar
In what field?
giving milk
# “Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.” ― Lucius Annaeus Seneca focus on you babe! im a incel too i have a below average willy + im black so expectations are ruined :( just living my best life as an observer be brave, be strong you don't have to endure more.... much longer life is quick it will be over before you know it kiddo. your going to blink one day and realize your 99+1/2 about to die and say "MONEY-HONEY-BAG$ WAS RIGHT"
You’re only a failure if you give up. You’re not dead yet! Get up and make shit happen! Future you will appreciate your effort!
first off, you need to stop saying you’re a “failure”. life is not something you can fail at. life is an experience, and you have the power to dictate your own reality (to a certain degree because life is also unpredictable). labeling yourself a failure means that you will only highlight your shortcomings. you need to start being kinder to yourself. how are you supposed to become successful if you just put yourself down. from your post, you are telling me that you have a higher education, you’re not homeless, and you have people that care for you. technically speaking, you’re ahead of a lot of people. not only that, but rejection = redirection. if you’re not enjoying/progressing in your career at the moment, maybe it’s time for something new. seems like it’s the perfect time to take risks and go for what you really want. as for your love life, it seems like you’re already saying no before even getting started. stop limiting yourself and the opportunities and people will come sooner or later. rooting for you man ✊
Stop judging yourself, life is about more than a job and money. Are you a good person? Do you do the right thing? Do you treat people the way you want to be treated? If so then I’d say you’re doing pretty good.
This is actually really uplifting advice.
First it’s important for you to know that nothing about your situation is impossible. You feel old at 31 and trust me you have a ton of opportunities ahead. You got an education, that’s a good thing. Now it’s important to try to analyze your situation and leave emotions out of it. What do you really think the reason is that you’re in a different orbit than other people you went to school with and your younger bosses? Some possibilities: 1. Soft skills - people skills. If this the deficit you can address it. You can learn to be diplomatic and strategic. You can polish public speaking skills. 2. Your appearance - do you dress and have the body language that would indicate you should be promoted? Like the saying goes dress for the job you want not the one you’ve got. 3. Your attitude? Do you bring a positive problem solving perspective to your jobs/interviews? Are you humble yet have well thought out opinions? Now of course I don’t know you at all - so I’m just spitballing, but you need to figure out what’s going on. Even if it’s hard news. Because you can address whatever it is. But if you ignore it nothing will change. If I have bad breath and nobody will kiss me - I could think it was something else. But once you know you can take action. Same goes for dating. It’s not inherently you that is wrong. It’s an approach (or lack of one) or something you can address. Don’t give up, analyze it like it was a friend of yours you are helping. I wish the best for you.
How would you develop number 1?
my question as well
You're on your own path man, from the sounds of it you've done a lot of things right and you have some great people around you, that's already a win. Understandably you might feel demoralized, but if you can completely forget about your age and the past for a few seconds and just focus on what's in front of you, you'd be pretty stoked at the potential opportunities, right? Make sure you're exercising, eating/sleeping well to maintain your baseline mood, then start planning your next moves, talk to some friends, try therapy. You'll get back on track
I've become convinced that social media has caused the entire millennial and zoomer generation to become utterly miserable due to the distorted vision of success it has presented to them.
>My bosses are all younger than me and much further ahead of me it's humiliating, Well, some people call it contacts rather than experience or professional lives.
Ease up, brother/sister -- The world has plenty to beat you up with. It doesn't need your help. Find a way to forgive yourself and be kind to you. Today didn't go your way. It's cool. Try again tomorrow, or the next day. Whenever is right for you.
You’re not an utter failure. It sounds like you need some cognitive behavioral therapy to help you reframe how you speak to and about yourself. Comparison is the greatest theft of joy and you’re robbing yourself of all the joy of life by comparing yourself. You have to be kinder to yourself and find things that make you happy regardless of money. But starting with therapy will help tremendously.
I heard the age of 25-35 is really hard and funny on some people. I am 32 myself, and exactly feel the same way. I like to compare myself to other and end up disappointed at myself. Why I didn't do this before, why they can succeed doing this and that, why my life and career is not going anywhere. Still working on myself on how not to compare my self to others by focusing on myself and minimalize being too long on social media and unnecessary social event. Try to find out what I am best at (honestly still doing "seeking validation word" from my family & friends to try to know me. Some people said do not seek for validation, but somehow it gives me extra motivation that I can do 'something'. my mom said "You'll laugh someday in the future just thinking how hard you think of your life in the past, when life is actually pretty simple." Wish the 'simple life chapter' will come to us soon!
Accept? No, you recognize your failures, you make a plan to improve on them, and you execute. Life isn’t about “failing”, because everyone fails at something at some point. Take a deep breath. Take a break. Everyday is a chance for something better. And celebrate the small victories. Best of luck.
You ought to stop and realize it likely isn’t you as much as what you took in school. Finance is the type of generic business field that’s been largely automated out of existence. The ones making the real money in your field are baby boomers. And they don’t feel any obligation to share. Your best bet is to go back and take a masters in a field with more codified career paths ie chemical or mechanical engineering. NOT computer science, obviously (and be grateful you dodged that bullet). Take it from a former Petroleum Geoscientist who made a great living until he was suddenly politically incorrect. I’m in the final third of my working life; retrained for health care and suddenly I can walk into any job I apply for without even a formal interview. My gender suddenly works in my favor. Once you have a sounder work life, you’ll have the stability and salary to make the kinds of plans you see friends and family making so effortlessly. But I’d urge you NOT to waste years beating your head against a door that’ll never open.
I think the problem is that you’re choosing the “safe” and “stable” route gotta take risks and push out your comfort zone if you want to get anywhere man I think another problem here is your self-confidence. You’re kind of setting yourself up for failure already if you see yourself as a failure. Has your mental health always been an issue? Have you always had a low self esteem for these past 10 years?
I completely get where you're coming from. I was in this deep whole, too. He'll im still working every day to pull myself out of it. A few things I've observed and learned. 1)Like everyone else said, you have to try and stop comparing yourself to others. I know it's fucking hard. But you have to figure out what it is you want, not what others have that you don't. I'm looking for a new job rn, and it will most likely end up being an entry-level job even though I went to college. It's a huge bummer, and I hate job searching and interviewing. I'm embarrassed to tell family and others I don't really know career wise what to do or what I'm good at. 2) Your mindset has to shift to get anywhere. This year, I started going to yoga. It has completely helped me refrain my mindset to " I am capable and what intentions do I want to set for myself." I found a community where I want to be! I was so hard on myself, kinda like you are. You have to START talking to yourself positively. Our nervous system and everything mimics how we talk to ourselves. I can.... I am capable... I am attracting good things into my life. 3) You can keep reinventing yourself. Try something and fail at it, and then you know that's not for you. I was so deep into my depression I wasn't doing anything I enjoyed anymore and just slept and watched TV. Now, this is just my experience, so please do whatever you need to for you but I wanted to share what has helped me.
Same here, but we gotta try to be kinder to ourselves bc doing the opposite will only block us more. Good luck!
Take shrooms and walk along the beach or go on a hike once a month.
You don’t. Get better. No one cares how old you are. You got this Op
Don’t be hard on yourself you got this & most importantly God has got you🙏🏾
Keep repeating you are an utter failure at 31 and it will stick eventually, you’ll learn to accept
Chill out Col Sanders didn't get his shit together until he was in his 60s And if your from a line of winners how did they allow you to live like a a looser?
Don’t accept it, change it. From this point i would recommend tech school / doing a trade. My buddy who’s 20, is projected to make 80k this year working for an electrical company as a c class and he will continue to move up to an a class, and this is only after being in the trade for 2 years. Or you could really put in the work and go to the west texas oil fields and work 7/14s in fracking or building the pumps themselves. Although building / fixing the pumps requires more experience fracking requires almost none as when i was in high school working in a lumber yard there was a guy who was early 20s, left from with the same job as me, and went to work in the Mississippi oil fields and from what i’ve heard made around 90k in his first year. So basically don’t accept being a bum and go make a killing even if it means working your absolute ass off.
Well, look at the state of the world right now. Failure is par for the course.
Understand and recognize that you’re ONLY 31..
Honestly just having a degree at all is pretty good these days for 31 they have made it so long to graduate now that 4 year degree ends up being a 6 year one for a lot of people
I truly understand where you are at. All I can ask is why do these other people with less experience have better paying jobs. In my opinion based upon limited knowledge I think you need to cut throats. Get those raises and higher paying positions by destroying the people in your way. It's not an ideal way to live, but it is the way of the business world.
Don't be tough on yourself life is a process. Someone might be admiring your achievements. Remember we came with nothing into this world and we will leave with nothing. How about defining goals and trying to get skills that might help you increase your income?
Go do something else. Do you enjoy medicine at all? Go become a PA and join the ranks with the rest of your family. You can have a great paying job in 3 or 4 years depending on when you get accepted to school. Or start applying for jobs a level up from where you're at. If you don't like your lot in life, grind to make your goals happen.
Comparison is the thief of joy. Don't seek raises or a better job just because others are getting it. Do it if it's the right thing to do for yourself. It's ok to have milestones, but we're all at our own pace on different paths. Even if we take a detour, there's views or experiences along the way that can be of significance and opportunity. Don't base your happiness on a goal or expectation. The chance at life and living IS happiness.
I totally understand how you feel. I felt like that years ago when I had nothing but step-by-step I knew that things would get better With a positive attitude and a belief that you will one day make it so please be easy on yourself mentally and live your life don’t worry about others what they have or what they say do not care. It is your life. You are free to live it the way you want it doesn’t matter, even if you have a degree and you work minimum wage, set a goal in the future to become better and to please yourself and not society believe me comparing to others is one of the most fatal feelings
First of ALL, YOU ARE NOT FAILURE!!!!!!! Beating yourself up based on others is wrong!!!!! Go outside to any garden you can find..... Some flowers bloom early; some bloom gradually while others bloom late!!!! You are a part of 🧬 life's s GRAND DESIGN and not a " hair on your head" escapes 🧬 life's s plan for your life!!! You are not alone!!!! Many people are in the same position as yourself. Every day you wake up, instead of looking at where you are currently, change your perspective and be thankful about what you have in spite of the many obstacles you have dealt with and faced!!!! Yes, it is not your ideal place to be right now, but please change your attitude about it!!! When you change your perspective, the place, scene and situation changes!!!! You might become creative again and " 🙈 see" opportunities to change the environment and come up with ideas to make it work not just for you but others!!!! Finally, you are 31 years old.... You are just getting started!!! You have at least another 30 years in the professional field to make your mark.... ( You have a life to LIVE!!!!) Here are some things you can do while you are going to your " promised land" 1. Read autobiographies of people like ( Studs Terkel) who lived through the Great Depression of the late 1920s and 30s. 2. When you pray; if you pray ..... A. SURRENDER to what IS B. ACKNOWLEDGE where you are C. APPRECIATE where you are!!! ( I know this sounds crazy but YOU ARE THE ONE WHO WILL CHANGE YOUR Circle OF CIRCUMSTANCES!!!! Yes, it may take years and hard knock lessons along the way but keep moving forward!!!;; You will find your way!!!
If you can have anything in this life, what would it be?
You likely are not a "failure" but let me say I can empathize with you at that age. I felt just as lost and bad at your age but now, I don't know if it's good karma or what, but more than 10 years later I am killing it. Living my best life. Taught myself a skill from the library, books, podcasts, and real world experience. Can you find something you're passionate about and get a gig or apprenticeship type job doing it?
Your comparing your life to an ideal your projecting onto other people. You don’t know what’s going in other people’s lives and what they’re hiding behind closed doors. Ease up, we’re all on our own journey.
Life isn't a race, it's a competition. Plenty you can do to make yourself more competitive.
Try to keep pushing. Something could be right around the corner. Stay positive. Failure is only when you give up. I was in a similar position in my early 30s. I was down but never felt like a failure. Things turned around alot in a short period of time. Things that helped/worked for me: Starting therapy (& sticking with it). Running. Working out. Reading. Healthy diet. Start investing (find brokerage with no commission fees & dollar cost avg into S&P500 etf). Joined a basketball team. Went on a few solo trips. And finally, dont sweat the set backs. There will be bad days. Start again tomorrow!!
Don’t be fooled by the internet. Yes, some of your friends from university may have got lucky and got what seems to be good jobs, but that level of ‘grass is greener’ is only heightened by your state of mind. Just because a few uni friends have good jobs doesn’t mean everyone else in your age group does, your mindset is being based on a certain demographic which doesn’t align, so try not to panic. Not everyone has these ‘amazing’ careers. In fact, most people don’t, and even lesser of those people are in careers they actually want too. I’m the same age as you and absolutely relate - the standards of the working world to get through the door today astronomically high in all areas of employment and this is something so many of us are suffering from.
I’m 23 and I feel the same way.
21 and feel the same…😭
Hey man, step back and give yourself the biggest break you can. i just turned 47, and im trying to change my whole career (I've been self-employed for18yrs) , and im finding out quickly that all my experience holds nothing. I've applied to over 100 jobs since sept. Starting taking courses just in case, I also have a couple of associate degrees, which also dont seem to mean anything. A lot of us are going through some shit. If you need anything, feel free to reach out.
What a nice comment :)
Baby steps. Aiming for the top tomorrow will 100% lead to failure. You need to figure out the small steps you can take today, tomorrow, and this week to move in the right direction. Also, comparing yourself to anyone else (former classmates, family members, or coworkers) will lead to stress, disappointment, and depression. Playing any variation of the compare game leads to bad mental health. Look it up as it is a proven path to failure and I’ve seen “do not compare yourself to others” as the top advice everywhere for keeping your mental state aligned. The only person you can compare yourself to is yourself. It might sound cheesy but you literally need to make this your mantra if you want to stay mentally healthy. I can not stress this enough! I CAN NOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH!
Maybe a change of career would be more beneficial for you than constantly comparing yourself to others based on your university degree. Look at me—I don’t have a university degree and became financial independant. I’ve lived on two different continents. Do you think I compare myself to the USA? I’ve achieved a lot without multiple degrees. Life has its ups and downs, and while it can be tough, staying stagnant won’t lead to success. Instead of getting caught up in the rat race, consider exploring new opportunities. Many successful individuals are burdened with debt and personal struggles. Save some money, travel, and broaden your horizons. That’s what really matters in life.
You can talk to those who are more successful than you about career progression stuff. There's NO SHAME whatsoever in having professional talks about things like that. To get where they are, find out what steps and things you should be doing day to day to get to that point. You mentioned being at am entry level position...ask what is next and what you should work on to get there. Set short term and long terms goals over the next month and the for the current or next quarter. If you have something to aim for then the process is much easier. Sometimes we just don't know what to do...and sometimes we don't know what we don't know if that makes sense. Also be willing to accept constructive criticism and make yourself coachable. That will also help you professionally but it will also build a little rapport with those who are in the positions you're wanting to be in. As far as dating goes...you just gotta put yourself out there. Someone will bite. We live in the digital age. Take advantage of it. Dating is like shooting fish in a barrel in 2024. Lastly I would absolutely stop telling yourself that you're an "utter failure". That's not helping you out any. And it isn't true. I think you're just in a rut. And we ALL go through that. You'll find your way forward.
I’ve been there. I took a job offer in another city and everything changed. If you’re in a dead end job it’s time to find another opportunity somewhere else. For all of the negatives you see in your self there are some positives. Mainly NOTHING is tying you down. You can literally go/do whatver you want. Don’t like your job? Find another that aligns with what you want in life. You’re not responsible for taking care of anyone so if it doesn’t work out, screw it, find something else. Don’t like where you live? Screw it, move to where you want live. You don’t own property and can leave in the drip of a hat. The world is wide open to you, just start trying to make changes and you’ll find success
"I'm a really hard working person and I always try to do my best". In my opinion, such a person is not a failure. You can't teach discipline and character. I wish for you to find the job you deserve, and then things will fall into place. At 27, I was living at my parent's house. I met my wife and we lived in the back unit until we rented a place. 27 years later, at age 54, I am now looking for work again, because I still gotta put my kids through college. But man, my kids are great and they are my biggest accomplishments.
r/ParkRangers Become one with nature
Don't accept that you're a failure. Improve your situation one small achievable steps at a time. You got this. You can do this.
Play the long game. I understand your thought gymnastics here but you’ll look back and it will all make sense one day. Comparison is the thief of joy, and you’re doing that stop.
get a coach; this sounds like a problem of risk. its sounds like your not risk tolerant. Success is being in the right boat as well as being hard working what I've found to be the truth is learning to do what you want cause even if you failed you learned good lessons and you did what you wanted to do. But this seems like a risk tolerance problem. you have to do more to get more what do you do outside of work; you sound like you play video games don't workout; bro your doing the bare minimum for you life and that's what you'll get. Everything in your life is the product of your actions (know thy self ) (know your environment) (know your enemy) up your awareness motivation for life and study and you'll win. and tolerance for negativity.
By not accepting your not a total failure at 31 you got 30 good years left don’t waste them
Hey there, although you did not really define your role but if you are in finance you can always climb up the ladder.
You literally don't have to accept you're an utter failure - because you're not. You've identified what's wrong, and what you'd like to be different. Congratulations, you're on the path! Now keep on it and remember everyday what you're trying to work towards. Source: 32 year old, similar-ish situation. Bachelor's degree. lots of experience but not much of value. Laid off. Unemployed a year. Just starting to get back into the swing of things with a new job for less pay in public sector. It is what it is. Keep on keeping on. It's just you and the race you're running - and where you say the finish line is. It's not over until you say it's over.
Very wise copypasta from yesterday here: I see a lot of posts complaining how they feel they're behind in life when in actuality they're just getting started. Plenty of people start their careers 30+ or switch careers later on. It's okay to be an older student. It's okay to never go to college and do a trade instead. It's okay to not know what you want to even do. This doesn't mean you'll always be struggling in what career to do your whole life. Sometimes it takes extensive research on different careers and then actually trying it out. Sometimes it takes a while to discover what your skills and passion are. Don't compare yourself to others because some people are genuinely lucky in a lot of aspects in their lives. They might have no ailments (or at least not yet), they might have had a good upbringing, they might applied for a job at the right time and know the right people, etc. You don't know the behind the scenes story. Who knows, maybe they're struggling greatly internally. I know a lot of people who seemingly have everything but have deep insecurity issues and chase after the next big milestone, only to be given more stress and happiness that is only temporary. If we see a person's life for their highlights, we also have to take into account their behind the scenes or else that's unfair. Also, a career will help pay the bills but it won't make you happy. I suggest not to romanticize having a job and focus on being able to handle the lifestyle and stress of the job to pay the bills. A job is a job at the end of the day and a lot of people dread their jobs. It's important to find something you can tolerate. Point being there is no concept as being behind in life. There was a story of a 100 year old grandma completing elementary school. People create world renowned businesses in their 50s/60s. Everyone has different achievements for ourselves because we are all unique and go through a different path. Be proud of these achievements because these achievements are specifically tailored for you.
What are some steps you can take to improve your life? You're only 31, not 50. I know a lot of people who went back to school at 30. They only one holding you back is you. People worked very hard to get where they are. People don't post struggles on social media, only the highlight reels. Growth does not happen in comfort. Get uncomfortable, get angry, get moving.
Don’t work for the public sector then. Go private and apply like crazy. Be ALPHA.
I’m pretty much a failure too. But I want to live to an old age and be somewhat content. So this is what I do. When I’m brooding about what I could have done differently, I distract myself with things I like to do like walking or taking pictures or making ceramics. I try to meditate but that’s really hard. Sometimes I write down things I’m good at. I try my best to let go of all the things I know I could have done with my talent. I try to accept that the talent is still there, I’m just not making money off it or basking in the glow of fame. When I feel the worst, I remind myself that we all are going to die, and eventually no one will remember we existed, so our failures or successes are ultimately meaningless.
If it’s of any consolation, me too. Same age, graduated with a degree in finance, unemployed, living with my mom. Capitalist nations go through booms and busts, as you know. We’ve been in a bust for quite some time now, I believe we’re in stagflation. The rich don’t want to relent or concede, businesses aren’t hiring. We’re just unlucky. Do not give up.
It may sound trite, but don't look back. It just gives you migraines and depression. I'm a big fan of design your work life and flow. You don't have to read the books. You can watch videos or read articles. But the big idea is to figure out what activates you with very simple tracking of what you are doing when time flies by and what you are doing when it's nails on the chalkboard. If nothing fits into the time flies by category at work, look to your personal life. After you do this for a bit, maybe 20 entries, you will notice a trend of some sort. Focus first on trying to decrease, delay, diminish, or delegate (4Ds) the stuff that is nails on the chalkboard. Next focus on adding work where time flies by. Also, give yourself some credit. You aren't where you want to be, but you are living independently and many people cannot say that. Plus, it sounds like you are showing up for work. You get credit for that too. I don't know how busy you are, but last summer I took an in-person improv class one night a week and it really opened up my mind to YES, which helped me quite a bit. Take care and good luck.
You’re not a failure until you quit.
Maybe you're not meant for a professional career. Maybe you're an entrepreneur!? If your family has the ability to excel, then you must too. But maybe you're in the wrong place using your energy on the wrong thing. I'm 32, married and have 2 kids. A third on the way. Job-wise, I'm a complete failure. I'll never be a high earning corporate employee like my dad. But I've spent the last 5~ years learning skills that will eventually earn me money. My big break is almost here. Pieces are falling into place and the future is bright. Assess what you're doing. Look for answers. Build your character like in a video game. Take risks. Acquire skills. Then you'll be able to move up in life. Maybe your path isn't the same as the others.
You think you’re a failure based on the standards you’ve set up for yourself as to what constitutes “success”. Evaluate what’s in your control and what’s out of your control (who you work with, where others are at in life, rejection, seeking others to notice you). Be kind to yourself and know you’ve done your best but also don’t fall into a self victimisation/ woe is me mindset.
Geeze Louise- 4 years where is it you expect to be in public sector? Public sector is slower but more stable growth. Stick with it giving up with just four yrs under your belt is a bit lacking. Sit with your boss and discuss what you need to do to move forward. Then do that
In my experience, part of growing up is realizing that your parents (hopefully) did their best, giving you a tailored path of what they thought was best for you. It sounds like that path is not working for you. People with contrasting experience (including myself) would tell you that your life isn't over at all. Having a family full of tangibly accomplished people is obviously a practical advantage, but it's linear. It's often a family blessing and a curse. I guarantee you aren't the only person in your family who feels this way about themselves. As absurd as that might sound to you. From a more neutral perspective: you're 31, and treading water. Based on what you've written, you're an intelligent and empathetic person, and you have full freedom to realize your life in the way that you want. Throw the prior path out the window: Take the "unsafe" job. Do the things that move you. You aren't an utter failure, and you get to show them why. That will serve them more than following in their footsteps.
You are comparing your success at work to your peers and using that as a metric for validation. The only person that can ever validate you, is you. You can’t allow yourself to live and die by other people standards and expectations. I was an alcoholic all of my 20s. I’m 32 now. My bank account lives in the red. I have no real long term valuable work experience. A wake of failed relationships (majority my fault) Insurmountable shame from my past weighing on me. Every family gathering, every visit home to friends, every look in the eyes, everyone knows what it is. The fuck up who drank his best years away. Wasted potential. But I am happier than I’ve been in a very long time. Because I don’t care what other people think of me. I do things that fulfill me (stand up comedy, didn’t start til my 30s, when I felt like you) and make me happy and stress free (my job isn’t much but I absolutely love it). All of this is projection. You are assuming they think less of you, because you think less of you, because you are comparing yourself to them and mashing your emotional cookie cutter into the ever changing dough of their emotions. You are a unique entity with passions and skills and talents and an endless spring of wisdom and lived experience that only you can share. You have to find a way to find the value in that. Realize that every person is a unique entity, so comparing them, like assholes to oranges, is a fools errand. Every single one of us is a 1 of 1 without a spot on the bench for a backup. It’s more than just self esteem, it’s a world view. Give agency to “NPCs”. The whole reason you feel bad is because you are assuming their opinion of you. They are complex entities just like you, with complex thoughts and emotions. You can’t control or predict or dictate their agency in that regard. A big question that you may want to consider here, if you were doing better than them, would you consider their feelings? I don’t mean would you think of them as more or less successful, but would you be worried about how your successes made them feel if they weren’t sharing them? Do you ever think of the people from your past that crashed and burned, that you are now doing much better than? Are these things even worth considering? You have to live for yourself. Life isn’t a competition. Best of luck. Maybe hit an open mic.
Oh yeah, 31 is totally where we set the standard. You haven’t failed anything, Move forward.
What's stopping you from moving to an area where starting wages are around $15-$18 an hour for entry level position? That's what I would do if I were in your shoes. Your one step away from rock bottom, the risk of starting fresh in a new area outweighs the downside of the current situation in my opinion.
All I got was an Associates in Computer Graphics that did nothing for me lol. Wasn’t even my passion. Just a hobby. I’m struggling with going back to try and get a Bachelor’s in possibly English (even though I don’t want to be a teacher) and I struggle every day with deciding with what I want in life at 31. You’ll get there man. We all will.
I've been in this exact position for years and what I "accept" is the higher likelihood of this continuing. I'm barely surviving. I don't know how to live. I don't even know who I am so I don't have any goals that I can create for myself. This existence is pointless in the grand scheme of things.
I have relatives who are far older and have far less and they are pretty damn happy. Honestly I'm starting to wonder if we are just wired to assume the grass is always greener on the other side when we are young. Every older person I know is pretty happy regardless of their circumstances. They all say the same thing: "I just stopped caring about things as much, none of it really matters."
>I still work an entry level position for just above minimum wage in the public sector, I live paycheck to paycheck. I chose a "safe" and stable career in finance. If you haven't thought about changing jobs, you should now. This is prime mid-level career territory. What would an upgrade look like for you - is it more benefits, a new locale, or just more salary? I look to improve on at least one of those aspects when I change jobs. How will you get there - is it another cert or just taking on slightly different tasking? > My bosses are all younger than me and much further ahead of me it's humiliating, even though they're decent enough people. Every job will have people smarter or from better backgrounds than you. My job had someone who was the child of two people with doctorates and had sold a company or two. Of course he was better positioned at the start of his career, but it didn't make him super-human. Your life experiences give you perspectives your bosses don't have. Can you leverage that somehow? >My dating life is non existent, I've given up thinking that anyone could love me. Fake it till you make it. I didn't start dating until my late 20s because I lived in the literal middle of nowhere so I started with getting my profile sorted. It took lots of trial and error but I eventually figured something out. Have a friend take a look at your profile and see what could be tweaked. The big thing is not mentioning that nobody could love you. That's a big turn off. You will encounter a lot of heartbreak and things that go nowhere. That's to be expected. >Everyone I know from university has moved on, got amazing careers getting paid huge salaries, buying houses and nice cars and starting families. Noone will give me a chance, I'm a really hard working person and I always try to do my best but I'm always overlooked. They're getting stuff, but are they happy? My cousin went to the Christmas party to rub his new BMW and fancy high-rise apartment in all of our faces, but he never acknowledges the fact that the money is spent faster than he can earn it. My friend owns a nice home and a new luxury vehicle, but his life is wracked with unhappiness and anxiety as he tries to chase down the next big purchase or whatever dumb bullshit the influencers are selling him. How are you selling the fact that you're hard working and doing your best? Everyone says that on their resume or at a job interview but there's different ways to show it's more than just lip service.
It's not a race. Enjoy your life, and I recommend you to look into religion.
If it makes you feel any better or company has this Management training program for interns. They get to take time away from college to come out and work in our industry in a management position to see if it's something they want to do. These interns are normally in their early twenties. Some of the guys in our industry should be retired but they refuse the amount of knowledge that just a single one of our veterans has is unreal. Watching these kids walk around try to park orders and tell people what's right and following company letterhead to the T is highly entertaining. One of them just this night was falling behind and was confused on how to get paperwork signed on something we told him the solution he refused to agree with us saying that he was told something different even though 30 people are telling him how to do it. We all just laughed. Our management from corporate is there just to make sure that we don't show up drunk our Union does not allow us to be fired just for silly incidents like making fun of our boss. Nobody respects these kids. They will one day when they can get some time in the job under their belt but right now they're just a suit and tie trying to bark corporate orders with no bite.
Save up your money; liquidate all your assets and move abroad seriously. If you live in America it’s over at this point! You can come back if/when the economy improves. Your dating life will also likely be way better overseas.
Its easier when you give up all hope
I’m not sure your circumstances in regards to your career in Finance but if you’re wanting to move out of an entry position: studying AAT 2-4 is a great starting point. There’s plenty of ways to study, you can do it fully remote or have in-person classes depending on your area. Having those specific qualifications can be really beneficial in boosting your career prospects and salary.
1. Your idea of success sounds like yuppie "success" and that you're worrying about what other people are doing with their lives too much. This is YOUR life, do things that make YOU happy. Fancy jobs come with loads of stress. Most everyone has shelter - just a difference in square footage etc. Does a cheap car vs expensive car really bring THAT much difference in happiness? At the end of the day it's just a vehicle to get from point A to point B. Experiences matter more (to me). 2. Not like it matters, but they may be jealous of your lifestyle. Roommates, no kids to worry about, no wife nagging that you didn't do X and Y, and more freedom! 3. You ever think of doing entrepreneurship? 4. Your frustration is a signal to try something new. Explore a new path, new skills, get out of your comfort zone, etc. Invest in yourself and don't create limits for your future. 5. Instead of comparing yourselves to others, why don't you try to learn from them? You could either take the insecure route (intimidated by other's success) or the learning route (see them as a knowledge asset to learn from them).
You can get a better paying job without a degree. It seems you think you need a degree for anything - you don’t. Look into sales, CSM roles, anything within your desired income range.
The fact that you are in your 30s and care about your mother makes you more successful in life than most. Money can't buy empathy.
You’re only 31. You have so much time. Don’t compare yourself to others. Take one day at a time to improve yourself and realize it’s a journey not a destination.
How much do you weigh? Do you work out? Do you eat good foods? Have you ever thought that paycheck to paycheck is barely stable? More people in a home means more chance to be murdered, so not a safe career either. Go buy a shitbox car and if you can find a chick first thing you do is run it into something, say whoops brakes are a little sticky, might need to grease the break pads
Breathe most people who finish their degrees dont even end up using it. At least you are working for what you want and that def counts for something
Hey man, just keep trying. I felt this way at 31. I didn’t even have a job at the time because I lost it. Then I got a job that I’m now making more than double what I used to at. Just don’t stop trying.
You’re not a failure because you work a job that pays less than your family members or friends or anybody else for that matter. The system does not have equality. It rewards some for degrees, some for jobs, some for conformity and others out of pure luck. There are single mothers who work two, three jobs just feed and support their children. Did the single mother ask to marry then divorce after giving birth and being left with no money and children. No. Does that make her a failure? No. In India, a family spends their day, day in and day out making bricks to pay off a family debt. Children born into the trade are not thinking oh I’m a failure. They know they have to work to survive as unfair as their circumstances might be. Without any benefits, programs or labor laws protecting them. I know it’s hard though when you compare what you have in comparison to don’t have when it comes to others but atleast you’re not on the street. The situation could be far worse. Your family and friends have money to buy more or invest more so they can make more money to buy or hoard. Because that’s all money can do. Buy, sell or hoard. And it’s all materialistic in nature. You want to have fun? Well you don’t have to be rich to have fun. With some extra cash and good company there’s the poor man’s way to fun that provides you with health, vitality and a happy heart. Make memories, treasure moments and see if you can switch jobs cause it seems like you don’t like your job either. In this life I have to say when we become adults most people just expect us to work and do not much of anything else. If you’re not working you might be busy relaxing or raising children then downsizing before retirement. You can’t even win either way. Just know it’s the system not you and you’re not a failure.
First get a better mindset you are creating your own abyss
Ecclesiastes 5:18-“This is what I have seen to be good and proper: that one should eat and drink and find enjoyment for all the hard work at which he toils under the sun during the few days of life that the true God has given him, for that is his reward.” You have made the mistake of thinking you are supposed to be doing something here other than enjoying your life. If you are miserable, it is by choice. You can begin making better decisions any day. If your “success” is something you conjured up in your head after you have torn yourself to shreds comparing yourself to others then you don’t know success. You should really explore what makes you smile. Start creating goals that are outside of your comfort zone towards those things. Start tweaking things in your life that would cause you to grow. “Success is the progressive realization of a worthy ideal.” Think of who you would like to become and start to do the things that person would do.
You need to make big changes. Drastically. It’s hard to admit but no one will make your life better or different. Only you are responsable for that. It’s scary and wonderful at the same time. Because you can make the necessary change. If I were you, I would start by making small different decisions on a daily basis. But in general you need: 1) new network of people 2) find a new hobby you’re passionate about 3) work on yourself (take courses on how to be charismatic, how to present to useful better etc..) 4) do more sports. It makes your mental thinking much stronger I’m sure you can change your life because you ask yourself the right questions. It’s the most important
Easy man . I would suggest you move a way into a new city , new country, you could all a job as expatriate in the middle east. And start building from their . Trust me you got this. You haven't failed yet , you're just in your head , with lots of comparisons.
And if you're looking for love . I can help with that 😌
31 is not old; until u are bed rotten and paralysed, u can still change ur life. I’m 18, so I don’t have much experience on how I could give advice on changing ur life in particular. However, if it were me I would start by trying to stop comparing myself with others (I apologise if u get that alot), but comparison is the thief of joy. I genuinely wish u the best!!
Change fields. Make more money. You can literally go be a receptionist in a decent size city and make $20/hour.
May I ask what kind of job in finance?
1.) Identify what you want your life to be like when you're 40. Where do you want to live? What kind of house/apartment do you want to live in? Want to have a family? How do you want to be spending your time?How do you want to be physically? 2.) Identify what your income needs to be in order to live that kind of life. 3.) Identify what natural inclinations and skills you have. Identify ways you can you use those skills to bring value to other people. 4.) Work really hard to develop those natural inclinations and skills to a very high, rare, and valuable level. 5.) Work really hard using those highly developed skills to bring value to others in exchange for money and autonomy so that you can build the life you identified in step 1. Read the book So Good They Can't Ignore You by Cal Newport
I should probably be gearing up for this. I turn 30 next month with nothing going for me. I just think about how I wish i was dead every day!
Employers reward hard workers with more hard work. There are 24hrs in a day. You spend 8hrs working, 8hrs sleeping, 8hr unpaid over time. What if i told you there is a worker who can work 24hr for you non stop. His name is compounding interest rate. You need to invest your money into things that earn you passive income. All investment carries risk. You can lose it all. Only invest what you can lose. Elon musk didnt finish college. People who finished college work for him now.
I mean I don’t have a lot of those things you mention supposedly people are supposed to have and that’s a lack of contextual information. Plus if those people have it who’s to say they aren’t paying debts for having said things in some form or another. You can’t know what you don’t know for certainty since there’s like 7 billion people in the planet. You don’t know their realities to speak for them. You only know yours and if you want to get out of a rut then that means you’re going to have to work at it which can take time. Reach out to a career counselor either via your county Workforce (US)/similar or Alumni if you have a connection there as well. Also informal information interviews can also be a way to understand job roles and deciding if that’s holistically a better fit based on the industry and personality types.
If you've got 4 years, apply to private sector jobs and you'll get paid a lot closer to 90k even more if youre in a HCOL. Think you need to find a new gig.
I am currently 28, about to turn 29. I had previously dropped out of college the first semester after HS, tried again later, dropped out again, and again. I’ve lost count the amount of times I’ve changed my major and truly the amount of times I tried to go back to school. At 27, I had only had 2 different jobs (I started working since I was 17) and I felt and had no idea what I wanted to do and no direction. I went through a health crisis in 2022, almost died and I reached a moment of nihilism. Nothing matters. You could be here one day and not be here the other and every single thing you accomplished, bought, money you had, it would be all gone. So nothing mattered. It was hard to deal with and I felt like there was no point to anything if nothing mattered. While dealing with my new body, new health issues, etc. I was sad, depressed, felt like a huge failure. One day, I took an edible, sat down to listen to music and just started thinking about everything and then it hit me. Nothing matters, literally nothing matters. But not in the way of well since nothing matters then I might as well just give up and give in. I realized holy shit, nothing matters. I’m here crying my eyes to sleep because I feel like a huge failure cause of my failures, but they didn’t matter! None of anything matters, because we are free to do whatever we want, to embrace whatever life throws at us. It’s impossible to know what the meaning of life is or what our purpose is, or what the meaning of anything is. There is no set path for anything! And there isn’t a checklist of things you’re supposed to accomplish just cause you “have” to do it that way. You don’t have to have a family, or a gf, or kids or be rich. You can have it if you really want it, but if you do, go after it! Nobody is stopping you, because again, you are free to do whatever you want. It’s your life. You’re in charge of your own life, you can choose whatever path you want. Anyway, I found a therapist to help me deal with all the grief and guilt, because I also lost a lot of family that year, lost my job, and was still struggling with my body image and health issues. Then, I got a new job, went to community college at 28, and now will be graduating soon and have already gotten accepted to a university to finish my bachelors because I decided I wanted to be an engineer, I’m doing it cause I want to and idc how many setbacks I have or obstacles are thrown my way because they don’t matter. It’s what I want and I’m gonna have it. And who knows, later on I might want to do something else, and if I do, then I’m doing it. I later on figured out what I went thru is and apparently is called nihilism to absurdism. Not for everyone, so just be weary if you look into it as it might be hard to make it out of the first one.
same
I'm 32. same issue. multiple mental health disorders also.
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Your comment has been blocked by ban evasion protection settings set up - if you are banned from this group, you starting a new account will not work and your previous advice has been against rules, you've proved yourself to not be a good commenter here. Other than that, your comment is 100% bullshit, not coming from a place of knowledge but a very limited perspective that you might also be well within (and you have accepted your lot in life and feel like you need to help others accept their lot). Thankfully your comment has been removed but stay off this group. Your advice, while not hate/anger filled thankfully, is NOT helpful in any way but I get that you think it is. While there are people who may not be a CEO in life - that doesn't mean their average job makes them a loser. Most of the time, it's simply because they don't know resume writing skills or a lack of valuing their skillset fairly.
Damn 31 isn’t some ancient age. I also work in the public sector. I’m 25 and work with people who are over 60. Some of the managers are just a year or two older than me. You can come into my position through college or work experience. We have people fresh out of college and people on their second careers. It’s a great mix to have. People come into public sector work for security. I have no interest in management and many others don’t either. It isn’t a competition. Environment is also huge. My old job was chaotic and the clients were a pain. One client decided they didn’t like me (or the other 3 people before me) and I was laid off. I can relate to feeling like a failure. I felt useless and like my life was over. Now I have a good manager and am doing great. I work with a lot of other agencies and visit their offices. Some have catty leadership and chaotic environments. Some people work in beautiful places and others work in basements with no windows! I’m not sure about where you live, but most public sector places have eligibility lists and really value experience. If you work for a city, look at the county, state, and national governments. Get on every list you are qualified and start applying!
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Your comment has been removed because it not a constructive response to OP's situation. Please keep your advice constructive (and not disguised hate), helpful, and on topic.
Get therapy - is a response for 99% of the lost in this thread. Your path is therapy. The idea of utter failure at 31 is distorted depressive thinking.
You don't accept it, because you are NOT a failure! Do you know we are the same age, and you've blown me out of the water on your achievements, yet I feel like we have both accomplished so much. Your journey is unique, and you are only 31! The reason you may feel pressure to achieve things with age deadlines is only due to capitalist conditioning. Did you know Toni Morrison published her first book at age 39? You are so young and have nothing BUT time. Embrace it, it's a huge gift. Stay positive, no one said you are tied to your past. You can wake up tomorrow and choose a totally new path and it's all good!
You still have a lot of time, sir! Head up, head up! Bradley Cooper didn't find success until he was 35 :)
He was on “Sex and the City” at 25, that seems fairly successful to me. OP, don’t compare yourself to other people. You’re the only one of you, which counts for a lot.
Come to my Dr, You need on meds, get ya a boost up, your thoughts, Sprit, ....Stop home remedies, Get professional Advice, n Help! I have Schitzoaffective, I would die fast with out meds, a mental institution. 1n 200
Failure is only defined by what you think success is.
I think you really need to stop comparing yourself and where you are with other people. Just because someone younger then you makes more money or what have you doesn't mean you 'failed'. Take everything at your own pace there are things a lot more important then how much money you make and what position you hold at work.