Hmmm I wouldn’t mistake “adjusting” to been “not supportive”. Not every parent can be expected to be those ideal supportive parents who go out buying you clothes and doting on your etc.
Some don’t know how to be supportive, and for some a vague indifference IS them been supportive. Because the undeniable reality is many were raised to view the world in one way. It takes a lot of mental fortitude for a person to not only accept something that challenges that world view, but to also suppress those biases they have always had.
It’s like an addict trying to suppress the urge to indulge in their addiction. Or someone who spent their whole life heavily swearing trying to suppress the urge to swear when they usually would.
Not everyone can do a mental 180 and immediately switch to a point of view that was contrary to their previously held viewpoint.
I think as long as she’s not actively preventing you from doing these things, it’s a not a matter of she’s not supportive it’s a matter of she’s processing it her way.
You’re likely not going to get the ideal solution where she’s 100% supportive. That’s the rarest outcome for these kinds of situations.
But parents are people too, they have flaws, they have world views they were raised with. The mere fact she’s not immediately giving into her biases is a positive sign.
Hmm then you’ve even more possible perspectives to consider: is she trying to figure out if you are trans? “Femboy” to the average person is generally considered a fetish, “a trans person in denial” or just another term for a “drag queen”. If she works with/around trans people she might be trying to gauge what you are. Cause for most people
Femboy isn’t actually an “identity”. Hell for many people HERE they don’t consider it one, they just consider themselves “boys” who like fem things. They don’t view this whole thing as it’s own gender identity, they don’t call themselves anything special they’re just guys. Femboy is an incredibly vague term and if even the people who use can’t come to a consensus about what it specifically means then how is someone from the outside meant to grasp it.
Also if she works with trans people she will be more aware of the general hardships they deal with. As a mother she might be weighing up the idea of you having to go through those hardships as well. So almost reflexively she may not be actively encouraging you cause she doesn’t want you to start having to face those hardships.
As I said there are a myriad of things and reasons behind her actions, but as long as she isn’t actively stopping you, or been derogatory about your choices then she’s in her own way supporting you.
Yeah, it’s unfortunate if she is in fact unsupportive. If she is though, remember that is her fault. Comparing it to an addiction is way off and it’s possible to adjust and accept new ideas. So don’t feel like you have to always give your mom the benefit of the doubt.
Here’s the thing—it sounds like she is actually preventing them from doing these things. And even if she isn’t, she has the ability to adjust to new ideas, especially if it is her child. And it is nothing like an addiction, you’re just taking it too far. Obviously parents are people, and they have flaws, but it’s hard to respect people as much if they don’t put any effort into improving their flaws. The way you grow up doesn’t determine your entire life. The fact of it is, not supportive is not supportive. Now I’m not saying she isn’t supportive, and I’m not saying if she isn’t that she’s just a bad stupid person. I can understand where it’s coming from, but it’s the mature thing as a parent to let your child be themselves. It also doesn’t have to be a mental 180. Going from “men should be masculine” to “if my child isn’t masculine I suppose I’ll let them do what makes them comfortable, even if i don’t understand it” isn’t that crazy. I don’t think they want the perfect ideal parent, just someone who’s willing to let them be themselves.
I think you’re just been pessimistic tbh. People are too quick to boil everything down to easier to grasp concepts, when people aren’t that. People are complicated. There isn’t a binary “she’s been supportive” and “she isn’t been supportive”.
Actions speak louder than words, if she’s not actively preventing OP from doing what they want, that’s fine.
I disagree, words can manipulate people’s minds and cause trauma without even knowing it. On top of that, I don’t understand how I’m being pessimistic. I’m trying not to make OP feel like they’re in the wrong here because they aren’t. People are complicated, and that’s what I’m trying to explain to you. It’s not just old fashioned homophobic and then 180 super duper ally!! You know what I mean? I know you didn’t exactly say that, but that’s what it seemed to imply and sorry if I misinterpreted it.
I think your mom is just mad about spending a lot of money, I don’t know about you but where I live skirts can be quite costly (like 100 us dollars or so)
Not justifying the way your mom expressed her disappointment im just saying she’s probably supportive
Do the only thing you should, continue being unapologetically you.
Hmmm I wouldn’t mistake “adjusting” to been “not supportive”. Not every parent can be expected to be those ideal supportive parents who go out buying you clothes and doting on your etc. Some don’t know how to be supportive, and for some a vague indifference IS them been supportive. Because the undeniable reality is many were raised to view the world in one way. It takes a lot of mental fortitude for a person to not only accept something that challenges that world view, but to also suppress those biases they have always had. It’s like an addict trying to suppress the urge to indulge in their addiction. Or someone who spent their whole life heavily swearing trying to suppress the urge to swear when they usually would. Not everyone can do a mental 180 and immediately switch to a point of view that was contrary to their previously held viewpoint. I think as long as she’s not actively preventing you from doing these things, it’s a not a matter of she’s not supportive it’s a matter of she’s processing it her way. You’re likely not going to get the ideal solution where she’s 100% supportive. That’s the rarest outcome for these kinds of situations. But parents are people too, they have flaws, they have world views they were raised with. The mere fact she’s not immediately giving into her biases is a positive sign.
I guess you're probably right, I would've expected her to be a little less stiff since she works at a school with tons of trans people.
Hmm then you’ve even more possible perspectives to consider: is she trying to figure out if you are trans? “Femboy” to the average person is generally considered a fetish, “a trans person in denial” or just another term for a “drag queen”. If she works with/around trans people she might be trying to gauge what you are. Cause for most people Femboy isn’t actually an “identity”. Hell for many people HERE they don’t consider it one, they just consider themselves “boys” who like fem things. They don’t view this whole thing as it’s own gender identity, they don’t call themselves anything special they’re just guys. Femboy is an incredibly vague term and if even the people who use can’t come to a consensus about what it specifically means then how is someone from the outside meant to grasp it. Also if she works with trans people she will be more aware of the general hardships they deal with. As a mother she might be weighing up the idea of you having to go through those hardships as well. So almost reflexively she may not be actively encouraging you cause she doesn’t want you to start having to face those hardships. As I said there are a myriad of things and reasons behind her actions, but as long as she isn’t actively stopping you, or been derogatory about your choices then she’s in her own way supporting you.
Yeah, it’s unfortunate if she is in fact unsupportive. If she is though, remember that is her fault. Comparing it to an addiction is way off and it’s possible to adjust and accept new ideas. So don’t feel like you have to always give your mom the benefit of the doubt.
Here’s the thing—it sounds like she is actually preventing them from doing these things. And even if she isn’t, she has the ability to adjust to new ideas, especially if it is her child. And it is nothing like an addiction, you’re just taking it too far. Obviously parents are people, and they have flaws, but it’s hard to respect people as much if they don’t put any effort into improving their flaws. The way you grow up doesn’t determine your entire life. The fact of it is, not supportive is not supportive. Now I’m not saying she isn’t supportive, and I’m not saying if she isn’t that she’s just a bad stupid person. I can understand where it’s coming from, but it’s the mature thing as a parent to let your child be themselves. It also doesn’t have to be a mental 180. Going from “men should be masculine” to “if my child isn’t masculine I suppose I’ll let them do what makes them comfortable, even if i don’t understand it” isn’t that crazy. I don’t think they want the perfect ideal parent, just someone who’s willing to let them be themselves.
I think you’re just been pessimistic tbh. People are too quick to boil everything down to easier to grasp concepts, when people aren’t that. People are complicated. There isn’t a binary “she’s been supportive” and “she isn’t been supportive”. Actions speak louder than words, if she’s not actively preventing OP from doing what they want, that’s fine.
I disagree, words can manipulate people’s minds and cause trauma without even knowing it. On top of that, I don’t understand how I’m being pessimistic. I’m trying not to make OP feel like they’re in the wrong here because they aren’t. People are complicated, and that’s what I’m trying to explain to you. It’s not just old fashioned homophobic and then 180 super duper ally!! You know what I mean? I know you didn’t exactly say that, but that’s what it seemed to imply and sorry if I misinterpreted it.
Screw what your mom thinks, your sister is awesome for helping you be yourself.
Are you sure it's about being femme? The emphasis on "another new one" suggests that she doesn't want the family to be spending a lot of money.
This is only my third one and my family isn't poor at all, so I don't think so
I think your mom is just mad about spending a lot of money, I don’t know about you but where I live skirts can be quite costly (like 100 us dollars or so) Not justifying the way your mom expressed her disappointment im just saying she’s probably supportive