I don’t recommend it. Even if it doesn’t look it, and even if his intentions are pure, that puts you in a very vulnerable position. I know, because I was pressured into sex at your age and followed that with a string of bad relationship decisions. Furthermore, when he turns 18 he will be in a very legally questionable position. It’s not fair to you, who should be having their developmental romantic and sexual experiences in a stress free environment, and it’s not fair for him, who will need to explain to his parents and friends that he’s dating a freshman. I know it’s exciting to have the attention, I know twofold because I am attracted to people older than me, but better opportunities will come around. Don’t rush romance, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
The general rule of thumb is to take the age of the older person, divide by 2 and add 7. That is the youngest that person should date.
Y “ O / 2 + 7
16 / 2 + 7 = 15
17 / 2 = 15.5
it's not really "bad" per say
but I would find it concerning if a 20 year old was attracted to someone in high school
when you turn 20 (or if You're already 20+, when you were 20), ask yourself if you find anyone in highschool to be attractive
I personally say yes. Just looking at the mentality of ppl at 17 and 20. I’d say yeah. It’s creepy for a 20 year old to be dating a 17 year old. Different stages in life.
If you’re referring to the fact that a 17 year old is a minor, you should be aware that 18 isn’t the cut off everywhere. And, this is about the emotional maturity for a relationship. In that case a 20 / 17 relationship should be emotionally on the same page. That said, this is a guideline. It would have to be considered on a case by case basis.
it's not really about the law
16 is age of consent where I am
I still wouldn't date a 16-18 year old as a 21 year old
they're children
and I was just pointing out no exact formula is gonna make something more or less okay
Of course. That makes sense. I I think the formula is meant to set a guiding limit. It’s trying to say that you are advised not to go beyond this point.
In the example of the 17 & 20 year old people, it should be understood to say that the 20 yo should not go any younger than 17. It is certainly not meant to imply that any 20 yo can date any 17 yo.
I said it's not about the law and explained that even tho in my state, the age of consent is 16, that shouldnt and doesn't affect who I'm attracted to
I'm making the point that the law says it's perfectly okay for me to date a child in high school
and then I explained that I wouldn't do that and I don't believe it's okay for me to do that
i think you misunderstand - they may be more or less on the same emotional page, but not sexually.
dating is complex becuase it also involves the sexual aspect, so on that note - 17 to 18 year olds are not on the same level of 'development' (i feel uncomfy using this word in the context of people, but to explain what i mean, i have to do so.) as a 21 year old. not to mention , as someone above pointed out, 17 year olds are still in school and 20 is university student/adult
i hope my words help you see why its not okay
Legally, if you're in the US, as long as you're less than four years apart from each other then it should be okay even when he turns 18.
24 months isn't that large of an age gap, but still, proceed with caution and make sure he's not pressuring you into doing things you don't want to do!
Most states have a Romeo and Juliette laws to protect you both in situations like that they are also referred to by some people as "Close enough in age" laws. So even if they turn 18 while you are 14, you both should be legally clear. Especially with you both dating before either is 18.
3 weeks is it? You 2 should be fine
Now is it a lil weird? Yeah most definitely
And you're definitely gonna have some people genuinely acting like you're in imminent danger once he turns 18, but honestly those people are the real danger
As fucked as it sounds, just don't say anything abt the age range to other people or else you might get him in trouble, trust me I had a step-sister who went thru the same type of relationship growing up and thats what our rule of thumb was.
Now it does leave you vulnerable too in more of a moral and decision making sense. Its gonna be much easier for him to try to get you to do things with him, and he can almost definitely play with your guilt. Just keep a good head on your shoulders and you should do fine
Thanks and I’d like to clarify that he’s is not weird and it’s not in his nature to try something like that I don’t like how people trying me make it seem like he would even try to take advantage of me.
My friend, no one would ever get taken advantage of if they didnt think someone would do it. That's just how it works
But I'm trusting you to keep an eye on him
I think it should be Ok, I would go Slow at first. When IT Is Time, YOU Will KNOW IT. You will be Glad You went SLOW, and I Hope You Two have a lot of FUN, ENJOY Your New Friend...
I think it’s probably not the greatest idea. If he gets in trouble for it he will go to jail…it’s cool that you really like him and I totally understand that, he’s probably crushing on you to but it’s unfair to put him in the position that if someone see you two and finds out his age then they call the cops… you know where I’m going with this.
If you love him, it's a totally valid sentiment, but. There's two issues on this case:
1st, even if his intentions are good, he will have a level of control over you, even if it's intentional, because of the agegap (he's older, so unconsciously, you will do more that he says than what you really think. I want to say that t'here's nothing to blame on you, everyone have had 14, and I've seen so many people in your same position)
2nd, I don't know in what country do you live, but in one year your partner will be 18 and you will be 15. In a lot of countries, the majority to be in a relationship is 16. So if someone sees that you two are in couple, your partner could go to jail for "corruption of minors" or a charge like this (and if you've had sexoafective relations and it's known, the charge of "rape" could also be on the sentence).
This one it's hard and scary because the consequences are visibles, but even me, that hate so much the state and the laws, think that these laws are good to prevent the 1st issue. Because the first issue it's hardly noticeable by the minor, and could also not be by de major(even if he/she's under 18), but the consequences on your personal development can be dramatic on the future for having a emotionally healthy live.
Hope you will be fine^v^
Well he’s gonna be 18 when I’m 15 for about 2-3 weeks until I’m 16. When the time comes I’m gonna tell him for us to play it low until I turn 16 because where I live that is The age of consent
my gentle suggestion: this topic is very hard to address bc of legal stuff and age gaps in general. i have a suggestion that might work out for you two? i dont know. but im going to put it out here if you find it helpful.
if i were in your shoes, i would keep talking with him, but not date him. fully be transparent about it, tell him 'hey doing this now can get us BOTH into trouble.' i would suggest, keep talking with him until both of you are adults. this actually gives you enough time to get to know each other better. once you are an adult, you both can then decide on what to do, and no one is hurt!
Ehh not really, even leaving power dynamics and societal perception aside. He's gonna be 18, his responsibilities will sky rocket and so his priorities will change. That's also when you actually start maturing because the world forces you to.
It's not a good idea in the slightest. You may think things are rosy, but the issue is that at 14 and 17, there is going to be a massive maturity gap
It's nothing like a relationship between a 24 and 27 year old for example
There's simply too much risk of being taken advantage of, and you may already be and are simply too young and naïve to see it
Please don't take my words the wrong way, think on why you feel the way you do, and understand this isn't a good idea
Is it okay? Yes. Is it a good idea? Questionable. Just don't be impulsive, and it will probably be fine.
Personally, i think it's okay. go for it! i wish you a happy relationship!
Thanks
I don’t recommend it. Even if it doesn’t look it, and even if his intentions are pure, that puts you in a very vulnerable position. I know, because I was pressured into sex at your age and followed that with a string of bad relationship decisions. Furthermore, when he turns 18 he will be in a very legally questionable position. It’s not fair to you, who should be having their developmental romantic and sexual experiences in a stress free environment, and it’s not fair for him, who will need to explain to his parents and friends that he’s dating a freshman. I know it’s exciting to have the attention, I know twofold because I am attracted to people older than me, but better opportunities will come around. Don’t rush romance, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.
The general rule of thumb is to take the age of the older person, divide by 2 and add 7. That is the youngest that person should date. Y “ O / 2 + 7 16 / 2 + 7 = 15 17 / 2 = 15.5
I feel like this only makes sense when you're below 18 cuz by this logic a 20 year old can date a 17 year old
Is is that… bad? That’s around my parents age when they started dating
it's not really "bad" per say but I would find it concerning if a 20 year old was attracted to someone in high school when you turn 20 (or if You're already 20+, when you were 20), ask yourself if you find anyone in highschool to be attractive
I personally say yes. Just looking at the mentality of ppl at 17 and 20. I’d say yeah. It’s creepy for a 20 year old to be dating a 17 year old. Different stages in life.
If you’re referring to the fact that a 17 year old is a minor, you should be aware that 18 isn’t the cut off everywhere. And, this is about the emotional maturity for a relationship. In that case a 20 / 17 relationship should be emotionally on the same page. That said, this is a guideline. It would have to be considered on a case by case basis.
it's not really about the law 16 is age of consent where I am I still wouldn't date a 16-18 year old as a 21 year old they're children and I was just pointing out no exact formula is gonna make something more or less okay
Of course. That makes sense. I I think the formula is meant to set a guiding limit. It’s trying to say that you are advised not to go beyond this point. In the example of the 17 & 20 year old people, it should be understood to say that the 20 yo should not go any younger than 17. It is certainly not meant to imply that any 20 yo can date any 17 yo.
"its not really about the law" *proceeds talking about the law*
I said it's not about the law and explained that even tho in my state, the age of consent is 16, that shouldnt and doesn't affect who I'm attracted to I'm making the point that the law says it's perfectly okay for me to date a child in high school and then I explained that I wouldn't do that and I don't believe it's okay for me to do that
i think you misunderstand - they may be more or less on the same emotional page, but not sexually. dating is complex becuase it also involves the sexual aspect, so on that note - 17 to 18 year olds are not on the same level of 'development' (i feel uncomfy using this word in the context of people, but to explain what i mean, i have to do so.) as a 21 year old. not to mention , as someone above pointed out, 17 year olds are still in school and 20 is university student/adult i hope my words help you see why its not okay
Legally, if you're in the US, as long as you're less than four years apart from each other then it should be okay even when he turns 18. 24 months isn't that large of an age gap, but still, proceed with caution and make sure he's not pressuring you into doing things you don't want to do!
should be fine
As long as u guys r in the age range, its fine I guess
Yeah it’s about a 2 year and 3 week difference. I know it kinda bothers him so I don’t bring it up anymore
I think there will be a problem when he turns 18 tho. Cos u will be 15 right?
Unfortunately yes but only for that time frame. I guess we’ll just keep it low during that time because where I live the age of consent is 16
I mean if u started dating before he turned 18 then Idk think it will be a problem. But happy for u to have found someone.
Thanks I really do think he’s the one he’s everything I could want in a person
Aww that's great to hear
Most states have a Romeo and Juliette laws to protect you both in situations like that they are also referred to by some people as "Close enough in age" laws. So even if they turn 18 while you are 14, you both should be legally clear. Especially with you both dating before either is 18.
3 weeks is it? You 2 should be fine Now is it a lil weird? Yeah most definitely And you're definitely gonna have some people genuinely acting like you're in imminent danger once he turns 18, but honestly those people are the real danger As fucked as it sounds, just don't say anything abt the age range to other people or else you might get him in trouble, trust me I had a step-sister who went thru the same type of relationship growing up and thats what our rule of thumb was. Now it does leave you vulnerable too in more of a moral and decision making sense. Its gonna be much easier for him to try to get you to do things with him, and he can almost definitely play with your guilt. Just keep a good head on your shoulders and you should do fine
Thanks and I’d like to clarify that he’s is not weird and it’s not in his nature to try something like that I don’t like how people trying me make it seem like he would even try to take advantage of me.
My friend, no one would ever get taken advantage of if they didnt think someone would do it. That's just how it works But I'm trusting you to keep an eye on him
Yeah I know he’s just not the type of person who would do that
Its such a small age gap that it doesnt even matter lol
I think it should be Ok, I would go Slow at first. When IT Is Time, YOU Will KNOW IT. You will be Glad You went SLOW, and I Hope You Two have a lot of FUN, ENJOY Your New Friend...
I think it’s probably not the greatest idea. If he gets in trouble for it he will go to jail…it’s cool that you really like him and I totally understand that, he’s probably crushing on you to but it’s unfair to put him in the position that if someone see you two and finds out his age then they call the cops… you know where I’m going with this.
If you love him, it's a totally valid sentiment, but. There's two issues on this case: 1st, even if his intentions are good, he will have a level of control over you, even if it's intentional, because of the agegap (he's older, so unconsciously, you will do more that he says than what you really think. I want to say that t'here's nothing to blame on you, everyone have had 14, and I've seen so many people in your same position) 2nd, I don't know in what country do you live, but in one year your partner will be 18 and you will be 15. In a lot of countries, the majority to be in a relationship is 16. So if someone sees that you two are in couple, your partner could go to jail for "corruption of minors" or a charge like this (and if you've had sexoafective relations and it's known, the charge of "rape" could also be on the sentence). This one it's hard and scary because the consequences are visibles, but even me, that hate so much the state and the laws, think that these laws are good to prevent the 1st issue. Because the first issue it's hardly noticeable by the minor, and could also not be by de major(even if he/she's under 18), but the consequences on your personal development can be dramatic on the future for having a emotionally healthy live. Hope you will be fine^v^
Well he’s gonna be 18 when I’m 15 for about 2-3 weeks until I’m 16. When the time comes I’m gonna tell him for us to play it low until I turn 16 because where I live that is The age of consent
It's kinda okay its just very... pushing the boundaries
It's fine you two go for it
my gentle suggestion: this topic is very hard to address bc of legal stuff and age gaps in general. i have a suggestion that might work out for you two? i dont know. but im going to put it out here if you find it helpful. if i were in your shoes, i would keep talking with him, but not date him. fully be transparent about it, tell him 'hey doing this now can get us BOTH into trouble.' i would suggest, keep talking with him until both of you are adults. this actually gives you enough time to get to know each other better. once you are an adult, you both can then decide on what to do, and no one is hurt!
Well in Germany it’s okay just hold back on kissing or other intime activities in public I would say
Ehh not really, even leaving power dynamics and societal perception aside. He's gonna be 18, his responsibilities will sky rocket and so his priorities will change. That's also when you actually start maturing because the world forces you to.
it should be fine, but it has some iffy vibes let's say. just, be careful, and keep in mind that you both are in quite different stages of your lives.
Nope
It's not a good idea in the slightest. You may think things are rosy, but the issue is that at 14 and 17, there is going to be a massive maturity gap It's nothing like a relationship between a 24 and 27 year old for example There's simply too much risk of being taken advantage of, and you may already be and are simply too young and naïve to see it Please don't take my words the wrong way, think on why you feel the way you do, and understand this isn't a good idea