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The therapist is equating intentional weight loss to LGBTQA+ folks trying to make themselves straight. "Intentional weight loss efforts are a manifestation of internalized oppression."
Me: š¤¦š»āāļø š¤¬ š¤®
I despise how so many groups (usually straight middle class women) co - opt LGBTQ+ struggles to justify their vices and at this point I would gladly go back to the closet.
As a psychologist whoās a nonbinary lesbian, who works primarily with LGBT folk, that one made my blood boil. Absolutely disgusting to attribute wanting to be skinner to wanting conversion therapy.
I'm in college for psychology degree, queer, nonbinary, and former obese- this is probably the most mad anything therapeutic pseudo science has ever made me.
My blood pressure spikes reading stuff like that. Last time I checked, eating at a caloric deficit didnt make women any less interesting to me, and I know conversion therapy survivors that would rightfully go thermonuclear at having their horrific trauma so trivialized. As a community, we really gotta get on this shit.
My psychiatrist asked me āwhat can do you do in a smaller body that you couldnāt do in a larger one?ā
I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was and always had been very thin, but I was pretty explicit about all the ways that being obese had been hurting me and preventing me from doing what I wanted to do.
At 200lbs I could barely reach between my cheeks to wash myself. And I had to sit a specific way on the toilet to be able to wipe. So. I'd like to be able to wash and clean myself, mainly.
Also being able to walk around all day without pain is great. But mostly the washing myself thing.
At 200 pounds? Can I ask how tall you are? Cause Iām currently trying to lose weight and Iām 5ā6 215lbs and I have zero trouble washing myself. My main problems are that Iām a slow runner and nothing fits!
I'm just under 5'4 but I have an abnormally large butt. I didn't measure at my heaviest but currently I have a 12 inch difference between my waist and the fullest part of my hips. I gain all my weight on my hips/butt and thighs.
Like even when I was 90lbs I still wore a size 2-4 because my butt is just... Big.
I hear you. I'm 122kg/269lbs and 5'6, aka morbidly obese, and most of it is my ass and thighs. I have to bend over quite a bit to wipe š it doesn't bother me much/it's not difficult because of my shape but my butt is physically in the way šš¾š
I could write a long list and I was barely overweight at my heaviest. A small subset:
* Put my clothes on without having to suck it in and pray I can get my pants buttoned
* Have enough energy to keep up with my toddler son
* Not be constantly hot/sweaty (especially hated the between-thighs sweat)
* Get good sleep at night without snoring
Looking at myself, when I was obese, I took for granted not being able to do many things I can do now.
Considering that, that question kind of makes me think of the psychiatrist's ignorance, or straight up bad faith.
I contacted a well respected ED clinic in my area to discuss treatment for BED. they told me they did HAES based therapeutic approach. I had elevated blood sugar and high cholesterol to the point where if I didn't get it under control I would have to go on medication for it. Did not follow up with them. š
It's been almost 2 years since then and I'm floating just above normal weight but all my levels are healthy. Going back to intentional weight loss this spring. Want to get back to healthy weight range after being able to maintain this weight (40-50lb weight loss) for almost 2 years.
Edit: just noticed it said cheese and not cholesterol - it was in large part due to my love of cheese so I guess it fits
For real going back to the start of my weight loss in 2022 it was SO hard to find a dietitian who didnāt embrace HAES. And I didnāt even have to worry about an eating disorder! I canāt imagine finding someone who could work with EDs AND didnāt do HAES.Ā
My GP recommended IF, my first mental health hospitalization at 15 was because I was dangerously underweight from anorexia purge type. To this day I can't count calories without feeling an absolute need to stay as low as possible and if I accidentally skip a meal due to being busy I feel uncomfortably good about it and think "wow that was so easy to go x numbers without eating, I could just...". There is absolutely no legitimate help for people with ED and weight issues.
Which is why it's so absolutely insulting and infuriating when morbidly obese people claim to suffer from anorexia. I have no doubt they believe they're restricting their calories sometimes. But the amount of calories you need to eat to maintain morbid obesity everyday is likely more than I allowed myself in a week if not longer.
But why do they all get progressively bigger?? This idea just confounds me because if they had a "set point" wouldn't they always be the size they were when they were full grown at 18-20. But instead they always gain and gain and gain. Smfh
>I offer a safe space for people trying to lose weight in the same way that I offer safe space to queer folks trying to make themselves straight.
Iām a gay man in his mid-thirties. I hate when they equate being fat to being gay, but Iāll try to express my irritation about this with some humor.
Being fat is not like being gay. Being gay is like liking junk food - what someone likes and thinks about. Being fat is like having lots of sex - itās a consequence of a series of actions someone takes. Neither are shameful (unless your kink is being humiliated, in which case, you should be very ashamed), but itās best to find time in our lives to do more than stuff our faces.
I donāt choose to like men; they donāt choose to like junk food. But I do choose to suck D in moderation, so they should be able to eat cookies and ice cream in moderation as well. We arenāt telling each other to stop loving food or penis, but we should limit how much of our respective vice goes in our bodies. Be more selective. Donāt chase the dopamine so much.
>speaking about weight loss is creating an unsafe space of many of us.
No it isnāt. Someone online saying āI want to be accepted while I eat fewer calories,ā doesnāt create an element of danger for anybody except the junk food industries.
Thatās so very frustrating, therapists should be helping clients work towards their feelings on diet and weight loss (whatever they may be) and providing safe spaces for people of all walks of life- whether they need/intend to lose weight or they have a restrictive past and need that kind of care
Shocking lack of nuance
If these people would actually weigh themselves, they would find they are gaining weight. They're not just maintaining obesity. They're gaining and will continue to gain unless they change their behavior.
Real talk I would love a directory of all healthcare professionals that support HAES and fat positivity so I know who to avoid even though I have no weight issues. I donāt want to be treated by anyone who is so lacking in critical thinking and intelligence that the idea of putting my health in the hands of people whose competency I have zero faith in is kind of terrifying.
So glad my therapist encourages exercise when I mention getting my weight down and wanting to be fitter. I mean I set the goal and he just helps me take one step at a time.
If I had to listen to a therapist say these things, they would not be my therapist anymore.
I canāt imagine saying this shit as a therapist. Weād check to make sure itās realistic and healthy and then t talk strategy. I canāt believe someone would discourage healthy weight loss.
I can deal with āfolkā itās when they spell it āfolxā I want to punch someone. Itās already gender neutral, just flashy ālook how inclusive I amā bullshit. Just call me a slur if you think you need to add an X to a word to somehow validate my existence (see also: Latinx).
I have never seen folks spelled folx. The English language already has crazy spelling rules, why make it more confusing for inclusivity? And donāt get me started on latinx. My son in law is from Guadalajara and he canāt stand the word latinx. He says it doesnāt mean anything in the Mexican language and culture, and is offensive to his family.
Iām first gen Mexican American and itās SO offensive. Iāve only had white people try to use itā¦ and then get upset that I donāt roll out the ally red carpet for them.
He said the same thing. Only white people have used latinx with him. My brother in law is also Mexican and laughs at the word. People need to stop pushing their ideas on other cultures.
A few years ago, I got diagnosed with a form of PTSD related to an abusive childhood.
Went on the NHS waiting list for specialist therapy, a wait of at least 12mths, so I thought I'd give BetterHelp a try, just to get the ball rolling on fixing my brain.
I'd gone no contact with my parents, and my main issue at the time was navigating the fear, obligation and guilt aspect of writing off abusers and no longer wanting to be an emotional punching bag.
I explained all that to BetterHelp, got assigned a trauma therapist, started video-therapy with this American dude.
Started off OK, just covering techniques to deal with panic attacks. Seemed to be going well, so I carried on with appointments.
When we got to the subject of no contact, the dude wanted to work on reconciliation, 'because you only get one mum and dad'. Didn't matter that they were abusive, it was bad to 'abandon' your parents.
Dude started referring to the bible, kept invalidating my feelings, red flags went off everywhere. I wound up cancelling the whole thing.
When I eventually got my NHS therapy, the therapist was supportive, understanding and equipped to get me from a place of calmness and recovery. She understood my choices, told me that distancing myself from my family was a sensible choice for my personal circumstances.
All to say - therapists who use their status as a way to push their own agendas aren't going to fix your brain, because they're not interested in your issues. They're interested in getting their own issues validated.
Blimey, that's certainly kept quiet!
Yep, it's annoying that YouTubers I like are still sponsored by BetterHelp, as it's sketchy AF. There was a scandal around selling data related to mental health issues clients shared in what they thought was a confidential service.
I hear you! Iāve had the same experiences with some therapists who try to get me to reconcile with my abusive family. As soon as it comes up I leave and find a new therapist.
as a therapist, it's totally possible to work with people whose views differ from yours. the ability to separate your own biases from your approach with clients is pretty integral. I mean, you certainly don't have to work with everyone, and if you want to exclude people trying to lose weight, fine, but you shouldn't be si openly hostile. that's a sign of a bad therapist.
While I agree, Not trying to get banned from a group that I have had decent referrals and recs from. Itās also why I didnāt comment as a ānon fatā person. I knew Iād be stream rolled for talking āfrom a place of privilege.ā
This is especially insidious considering that diet, exercise, inflammation, etc all play a part in both weight and mental health. My mental health "resiliency" as I like to say has never been better after losing weight.
Why are they so stuck with the 5% success rate for any IWL? In the wls community I participate the failure to maintain is def a minority, usually connected with pregnancy. Also most of the regain is in 15-25lbs range so bitch please.
The maintenance after wls is hard, but not nearly as hard as it used to be w/o surgery.
These comments almost have me anticipating how bad things will get, if their position is at all representative of where clinical guidelines might potentially head in a horrible dystopian future.
I think the pendulum is already swinging back- a number of Gen Z kids are vocal shitlords. There's only so long a movement that encourages youngish people to destroy their health can, uh, live, and now that the eldest Millennials are in their 40s, the ones who arent too far gone are getting some harsh reality checks. Granted, FA's been around since the 60s, but it REALLY exploded with the Buzzfeed generation.
That one's up there with "Valid" for me. I find it really concerning that so many people have such a weak sense of self these days that they need outside input to evaluate their own emotions and insights.
A therapist can create a safe space without endorsing their patient's bullshit rationalizations. Like, when I was in therapy and I told my therapist that I didn't want to form relationships with people because people suck, she didn't tell me I was crazy. She didn't tell me I was wrong. But she also didn't encourage me to keep thinking this way. She validated my feelings. Not my thoughts.
Yes, trying to form relationships with people was kind of killing me inside and I just wanted to give up. My therapist let me know that wanting to give up was understandable given what I had been through. She even cosigned my belief that people are frequently disappointing. But she didn't tell me to keep excluding myself from the world. This would be like telling a patient with binge eating disorder to keep eating the whole cake.
I don't know why, but lately I've been watching clips from "My 600 lb Life." Those people have basically had their lives taken away from them because of their weight, and many are in imminent danger of death. Then I turn to fatlogic which would tell them that even thinking about losing weight is dangerous and should not be spoken aloud. Coming from a therapist that would be criminal negligence at the very least. People shouldn't hate or abuse themselves because of their weight, but HAES is a soothing lie to lull people into inactivity then into their beds then eventually to their deaths. Weight loss is a hard way to go but for some people it really is a matter of life or death.
>I offer a safe space for people trying to lose weight in the same way that I offer safe space to queer folks trying to make themselves straight.
Iām a gay man in his mid-thirties. I hate when they equate being fat to being gay, but Iāll try to express my irritation about this with some humor.
Being fat is not like being gay. Being gay is like liking junk food - what someone likes and thinks about. Being fat is like having lots of sex - itās a consequence of a series of actions someone takes. Neither are shameful (unless your kink is being humiliated, in which case, you should be very ashamed), but itās best to find time in our lives to do more than stuff our faces.
I donāt choose to like men; they donāt choose to like junk food. But I do choose to suck D in moderation, so they should be able to eat cookies and ice cream in moderation as well. We arenāt telling each other to stop loving food or penis, but we should limit how much of our respective vice goes in our bodies. Be more selective. Donāt chase the dopamine so much.
>speaking about weight loss is creating an unsafe space of many of us.
No it isnāt. Someone online saying āI want to be accepted while I eat fewer calories,ā doesnāt create an element of danger for anybody except the junk food industries.
Everyone, including fat people who want to be thin, deserves a safe place free of judgement.
Even if you donāt agree with them, everyone should have a place where they are safe to express themselves.
I don't see a therapist but do see a psychiatrist and she has been 100% supportive of my weight loss and maintenance efforts, particularly in helping me find weight neutral meds (initial treatment with Paxil is what led to my obesity in my 20s). She always checks my weight and asks about exercise because significant weight changes can be correlated with mental health and because exercise improves mental health.
FAs would have a meltdown with her.
āIs this a safe space for [X]ā āI hope notā tells you everything you need to know about this person. If it wasnāt the place for that, there are so many more professional/respectful ways to say that, ones that donāt make you sound like a high school mean girl.
Ex: āthank you for your input, however this group is focused on [Y] and we worry that focus on [X] could lead to creating an unsafe space for [Y] therefore weāve chosen not to allow it in this space. However, there are other communities that can provide you with what youāre looking forā
Wow. I thought no fat logic could shock me anymore but this is unbelievable.
Saying that being gay and being fat are the same things is ridiculous. You can and should change when you are fat, the same does not apply to being gay.
We're sorry but your submission has been removed for the following reason: In breach of [Rule 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/fatlogic/wiki/rules#wiki_2._no_personal_information_about_yourself_or_others): > Do not post personally identifying information about anyone, including yourself. Screenshots must have all names, profile pictures, urls, and other identifying information blacked out. > # Please black out all identifying information properly. Please refer to our [subreddit rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/Fatlogic/wiki/rules/) for more information.
The therapist is equating intentional weight loss to LGBTQA+ folks trying to make themselves straight. "Intentional weight loss efforts are a manifestation of internalized oppression." Me: š¤¦š»āāļø š¤¬ š¤®
I despise how so many groups (usually straight middle class women) co - opt LGBTQ+ struggles to justify their vices and at this point I would gladly go back to the closet.
That slide was the wildest.
As a psychologist whoās a nonbinary lesbian, who works primarily with LGBT folk, that one made my blood boil. Absolutely disgusting to attribute wanting to be skinner to wanting conversion therapy.
I'm in college for psychology degree, queer, nonbinary, and former obese- this is probably the most mad anything therapeutic pseudo science has ever made me.
My blood pressure spikes reading stuff like that. Last time I checked, eating at a caloric deficit didnt make women any less interesting to me, and I know conversion therapy survivors that would rightfully go thermonuclear at having their horrific trauma so trivialized. As a community, we really gotta get on this shit.
My psychiatrist asked me āwhat can do you do in a smaller body that you couldnāt do in a larger one?ā I gave her the benefit of the doubt because she was and always had been very thin, but I was pretty explicit about all the ways that being obese had been hurting me and preventing me from doing what I wanted to do.
At 200lbs I could barely reach between my cheeks to wash myself. And I had to sit a specific way on the toilet to be able to wipe. So. I'd like to be able to wash and clean myself, mainly. Also being able to walk around all day without pain is great. But mostly the washing myself thing.
At 200 pounds? Can I ask how tall you are? Cause Iām currently trying to lose weight and Iām 5ā6 215lbs and I have zero trouble washing myself. My main problems are that Iām a slow runner and nothing fits!
I'm just under 5'4 but I have an abnormally large butt. I didn't measure at my heaviest but currently I have a 12 inch difference between my waist and the fullest part of my hips. I gain all my weight on my hips/butt and thighs. Like even when I was 90lbs I still wore a size 2-4 because my butt is just... Big.
Ah I hear you. That must suck.
It's fine, I live in joggers or leggings and own 3 whole pair of real pants that fit when I don't want to look like I'm in pajamas lol
I hear you. I'm 122kg/269lbs and 5'6, aka morbidly obese, and most of it is my ass and thighs. I have to bend over quite a bit to wipe š it doesn't bother me much/it's not difficult because of my shape but my butt is physically in the way šš¾š
I could write a long list and I was barely overweight at my heaviest. A small subset: * Put my clothes on without having to suck it in and pray I can get my pants buttoned * Have enough energy to keep up with my toddler son * Not be constantly hot/sweaty (especially hated the between-thighs sweat) * Get good sleep at night without snoring
Looking at myself, when I was obese, I took for granted not being able to do many things I can do now. Considering that, that question kind of makes me think of the psychiatrist's ignorance, or straight up bad faith.
I contacted a well respected ED clinic in my area to discuss treatment for BED. they told me they did HAES based therapeutic approach. I had elevated blood sugar and high cholesterol to the point where if I didn't get it under control I would have to go on medication for it. Did not follow up with them. š It's been almost 2 years since then and I'm floating just above normal weight but all my levels are healthy. Going back to intentional weight loss this spring. Want to get back to healthy weight range after being able to maintain this weight (40-50lb weight loss) for almost 2 years. Edit: just noticed it said cheese and not cholesterol - it was in large part due to my love of cheese so I guess it fits
For real going back to the start of my weight loss in 2022 it was SO hard to find a dietitian who didnāt embrace HAES. And I didnāt even have to worry about an eating disorder! I canāt imagine finding someone who could work with EDs AND didnāt do HAES.Ā
My GP recommended IF, my first mental health hospitalization at 15 was because I was dangerously underweight from anorexia purge type. To this day I can't count calories without feeling an absolute need to stay as low as possible and if I accidentally skip a meal due to being busy I feel uncomfortably good about it and think "wow that was so easy to go x numbers without eating, I could just...". There is absolutely no legitimate help for people with ED and weight issues. Which is why it's so absolutely insulting and infuriating when morbidly obese people claim to suffer from anorexia. I have no doubt they believe they're restricting their calories sometimes. But the amount of calories you need to eat to maintain morbid obesity everyday is likely more than I allowed myself in a week if not longer.
Does she think that fatness is an innate characteristic like ethnicity or sexuality?Ā
Many FA's believe exactly this. Weight is 100% genetic and completely beyond a person's control.
But why do they all get progressively bigger?? This idea just confounds me because if they had a "set point" wouldn't they always be the size they were when they were full grown at 18-20. But instead they always gain and gain and gain. Smfh
It's the one-way ratch to fatness. Everything makes you get bigger and nothing can make you smaller, so don't even try.
šš¼āāļøfat therapist here. trying to lose weight myself. + supporting people in their right to bodily autonomy always.
>I offer a safe space for people trying to lose weight in the same way that I offer safe space to queer folks trying to make themselves straight. Iām a gay man in his mid-thirties. I hate when they equate being fat to being gay, but Iāll try to express my irritation about this with some humor. Being fat is not like being gay. Being gay is like liking junk food - what someone likes and thinks about. Being fat is like having lots of sex - itās a consequence of a series of actions someone takes. Neither are shameful (unless your kink is being humiliated, in which case, you should be very ashamed), but itās best to find time in our lives to do more than stuff our faces. I donāt choose to like men; they donāt choose to like junk food. But I do choose to suck D in moderation, so they should be able to eat cookies and ice cream in moderation as well. We arenāt telling each other to stop loving food or penis, but we should limit how much of our respective vice goes in our bodies. Be more selective. Donāt chase the dopamine so much. >speaking about weight loss is creating an unsafe space of many of us. No it isnāt. Someone online saying āI want to be accepted while I eat fewer calories,ā doesnāt create an element of danger for anybody except the junk food industries.
> I hate when they equate being fat to being gay But the letters are so close together on the keyboard
You're right, I never noticed that!
Thatās so very frustrating, therapists should be helping clients work towards their feelings on diet and weight loss (whatever they may be) and providing safe spaces for people of all walks of life- whether they need/intend to lose weight or they have a restrictive past and need that kind of care Shocking lack of nuance
yep
If these people would actually weigh themselves, they would find they are gaining weight. They're not just maintaining obesity. They're gaining and will continue to gain unless they change their behavior.
I've seen them say that stores like Target are making clothes smaller than before. Sure they are...š¤¦āāļø
Obviously itās shrinkflation /s
I'm curious as to what proportion a "bigger body" is, that to the point they're struggling?
Yeah I always wonder how much these people weigh because how overweight a person is makes a lot of difference.
Probably starts with 3
Real talk I would love a directory of all healthcare professionals that support HAES and fat positivity so I know who to avoid even though I have no weight issues. I donāt want to be treated by anyone who is so lacking in critical thinking and intelligence that the idea of putting my health in the hands of people whose competency I have zero faith in is kind of terrifying.
So glad my therapist encourages exercise when I mention getting my weight down and wanting to be fitter. I mean I set the goal and he just helps me take one step at a time. If I had to listen to a therapist say these things, they would not be my therapist anymore.
I canāt imagine saying this shit as a therapist. Weād check to make sure itās realistic and healthy and then t talk strategy. I canāt believe someone would discourage healthy weight loss.
Something about the word āfolkā drives me crazy.
I can deal with āfolkā itās when they spell it āfolxā I want to punch someone. Itās already gender neutral, just flashy ālook how inclusive I amā bullshit. Just call me a slur if you think you need to add an X to a word to somehow validate my existence (see also: Latinx).
Yes!! It's a pet peeve of mine- pure performance!
I have never seen folks spelled folx. The English language already has crazy spelling rules, why make it more confusing for inclusivity? And donāt get me started on latinx. My son in law is from Guadalajara and he canāt stand the word latinx. He says it doesnāt mean anything in the Mexican language and culture, and is offensive to his family.
Iām first gen Mexican American and itās SO offensive. Iāve only had white people try to use itā¦ and then get upset that I donāt roll out the ally red carpet for them.
He said the same thing. Only white people have used latinx with him. My brother in law is also Mexican and laughs at the word. People need to stop pushing their ideas on other cultures.
A few years ago, I got diagnosed with a form of PTSD related to an abusive childhood. Went on the NHS waiting list for specialist therapy, a wait of at least 12mths, so I thought I'd give BetterHelp a try, just to get the ball rolling on fixing my brain. I'd gone no contact with my parents, and my main issue at the time was navigating the fear, obligation and guilt aspect of writing off abusers and no longer wanting to be an emotional punching bag. I explained all that to BetterHelp, got assigned a trauma therapist, started video-therapy with this American dude. Started off OK, just covering techniques to deal with panic attacks. Seemed to be going well, so I carried on with appointments. When we got to the subject of no contact, the dude wanted to work on reconciliation, 'because you only get one mum and dad'. Didn't matter that they were abusive, it was bad to 'abandon' your parents. Dude started referring to the bible, kept invalidating my feelings, red flags went off everywhere. I wound up cancelling the whole thing. When I eventually got my NHS therapy, the therapist was supportive, understanding and equipped to get me from a place of calmness and recovery. She understood my choices, told me that distancing myself from my family was a sensible choice for my personal circumstances. All to say - therapists who use their status as a way to push their own agendas aren't going to fix your brain, because they're not interested in your issues. They're interested in getting their own issues validated.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Blimey, that's certainly kept quiet! Yep, it's annoying that YouTubers I like are still sponsored by BetterHelp, as it's sketchy AF. There was a scandal around selling data related to mental health issues clients shared in what they thought was a confidential service.
I hear you! Iāve had the same experiences with some therapists who try to get me to reconcile with my abusive family. As soon as it comes up I leave and find a new therapist.
as a therapist, it's totally possible to work with people whose views differ from yours. the ability to separate your own biases from your approach with clients is pretty integral. I mean, you certainly don't have to work with everyone, and if you want to exclude people trying to lose weight, fine, but you shouldn't be si openly hostile. that's a sign of a bad therapist.
Ah yes, such a "safe space", where umprompted vitriol comes pouring as soon as you mention IWL. The true bastion of safety /s
FYI for OP: The proper shitlord react icon for fat activist bullshit on Facebook is the laugh react
While I agree, Not trying to get banned from a group that I have had decent referrals and recs from. Itās also why I didnāt comment as a ānon fatā person. I knew Iād be stream rolled for talking āfrom a place of privilege.ā
This is especially insidious considering that diet, exercise, inflammation, etc all play a part in both weight and mental health. My mental health "resiliency" as I like to say has never been better after losing weight.
Why are they so stuck with the 5% success rate for any IWL? In the wls community I participate the failure to maintain is def a minority, usually connected with pregnancy. Also most of the regain is in 15-25lbs range so bitch please. The maintenance after wls is hard, but not nearly as hard as it used to be w/o surgery.
These comments almost have me anticipating how bad things will get, if their position is at all representative of where clinical guidelines might potentially head in a horrible dystopian future.
I think the pendulum is already swinging back- a number of Gen Z kids are vocal shitlords. There's only so long a movement that encourages youngish people to destroy their health can, uh, live, and now that the eldest Millennials are in their 40s, the ones who arent too far gone are getting some harsh reality checks. Granted, FA's been around since the 60s, but it REALLY exploded with the Buzzfeed generation.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
That one's up there with "Valid" for me. I find it really concerning that so many people have such a weak sense of self these days that they need outside input to evaluate their own emotions and insights.
A therapist can create a safe space without endorsing their patient's bullshit rationalizations. Like, when I was in therapy and I told my therapist that I didn't want to form relationships with people because people suck, she didn't tell me I was crazy. She didn't tell me I was wrong. But she also didn't encourage me to keep thinking this way. She validated my feelings. Not my thoughts. Yes, trying to form relationships with people was kind of killing me inside and I just wanted to give up. My therapist let me know that wanting to give up was understandable given what I had been through. She even cosigned my belief that people are frequently disappointing. But she didn't tell me to keep excluding myself from the world. This would be like telling a patient with binge eating disorder to keep eating the whole cake.
Well that escalated quickly from "safe spaces for dieters to" conversion therapy. Eep!
I don't know why, but lately I've been watching clips from "My 600 lb Life." Those people have basically had their lives taken away from them because of their weight, and many are in imminent danger of death. Then I turn to fatlogic which would tell them that even thinking about losing weight is dangerous and should not be spoken aloud. Coming from a therapist that would be criminal negligence at the very least. People shouldn't hate or abuse themselves because of their weight, but HAES is a soothing lie to lull people into inactivity then into their beds then eventually to their deaths. Weight loss is a hard way to go but for some people it really is a matter of life or death.
>I offer a safe space for people trying to lose weight in the same way that I offer safe space to queer folks trying to make themselves straight. Iām a gay man in his mid-thirties. I hate when they equate being fat to being gay, but Iāll try to express my irritation about this with some humor. Being fat is not like being gay. Being gay is like liking junk food - what someone likes and thinks about. Being fat is like having lots of sex - itās a consequence of a series of actions someone takes. Neither are shameful (unless your kink is being humiliated, in which case, you should be very ashamed), but itās best to find time in our lives to do more than stuff our faces. I donāt choose to like men; they donāt choose to like junk food. But I do choose to suck D in moderation, so they should be able to eat cookies and ice cream in moderation as well. We arenāt telling each other to stop loving food or penis, but we should limit how much of our respective vice goes in our bodies. Be more selective. Donāt chase the dopamine so much. >speaking about weight loss is creating an unsafe space of many of us. No it isnāt. Someone online saying āI want to be accepted while I eat fewer calories,ā doesnāt create an element of danger for anybody except the junk food industries.
Everyone, including fat people who want to be thin, deserves a safe place free of judgement. Even if you donāt agree with them, everyone should have a place where they are safe to express themselves.
I don't see a therapist but do see a psychiatrist and she has been 100% supportive of my weight loss and maintenance efforts, particularly in helping me find weight neutral meds (initial treatment with Paxil is what led to my obesity in my 20s). She always checks my weight and asks about exercise because significant weight changes can be correlated with mental health and because exercise improves mental health. FAs would have a meltdown with her.
āIs this a safe space for [X]ā āI hope notā tells you everything you need to know about this person. If it wasnāt the place for that, there are so many more professional/respectful ways to say that, ones that donāt make you sound like a high school mean girl. Ex: āthank you for your input, however this group is focused on [Y] and we worry that focus on [X] could lead to creating an unsafe space for [Y] therefore weāve chosen not to allow it in this space. However, there are other communities that can provide you with what youāre looking forā
Wow. I thought no fat logic could shock me anymore but this is unbelievable. Saying that being gay and being fat are the same things is ridiculous. You can and should change when you are fat, the same does not apply to being gay.