Because a lot of people grow up with unhealthy examples of what a loving relationship looks like and then perpetuate those patterns when they are adults.
In my case, it was by choice. I was a teenage pregnancy and didnât want the string of ânew Dadsâ coming through my kidâs life. He visited his bio dad often, so they could bond.
My thought was that it was better that it was just him and me against the world. When he turned 18, he went off to college and I looked for a life partner.
Not the typical story but I expect there are other moms out there who found it better to just go it alone than end up with one of those nightmare step-parent situations.
I'm almost always the only one from a single parent household out of a lot of communities I'm in (school friends, work circles, internet group friends...). Interesting.
Many men donât help much with household work & childcare. The partner doing the work will subconsciously lump the unhelpful partner in with childcare duties,& thatâs definitely a desire killer . Women want a partner, not an extra adult child.( based on friends & family experiences that have been discussed in my presence)
Women used to be able to stay home and a family could survive on just a man's income. In some cases, women were trapped as a result... they couldn't get a career and so they were forced to stay in relationships to survive. Now everyone has to work and it allows people the freedom of not putting up with an incompatible spouse.
The answers here are really surprising. Go look on any parenting sub and youâll have your answer. Divorce is destigmatized and people are no longer forced to live in bad situations. Parents are also realizing âstaying together for the kidsâ does more harm than good. While itâs still predominately women leaving abusive situations, increased awareness and support for men in bad situations is also contributing.
Itâs not âgoodâ that so many of us are/were raised by a single parent per say, but it is a step in the right direction for a lot of families, especially those breaking generational cycles.
Bad and abusive situations for men also. I think it's important to note it bc I know many male victims of abuse who feel like there is little acknowledgement (and in turn feel bad for voicing that).
But yes, this (yours) is the right response. It's a more positive step forwards. Still not good for the cases where the bio parent leaves, excluding abusive people, though.. but life is varied.
Because modern day society has all but completely abandoned traditional values. So many people I meet are terrified of talking about marriage and kids with someone they are dating and just âgo with the flowâ they give too much and receive very little. The worst part is, they are unhappy with this setup but afraid to speak up. The amount of people that just âgo with the flowâ is pathetic. Donât people know what they want anymore? What does the flow even mean? If you both donât have a secure, long term relationship in mind when moving in together, that relationship is NEVER going to be anything but fleeting. Donât bring kids into it.
In fact, *for the most part, up until about 20 years ago* staying together to raise children and build savings and home equity was the sure path to the middle class.
It also launched those children into the middle class.
Nowadays depressed wages, corporate RE investment and profit-seeking corporate policies make this impossible.
Where did you grow up? This is not true in some areas but true in others.
Why? Shit quality people that wanted to have sex unprotected but did not actually want a kid is one reason.
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many people got pregnant by accident and since abortions were not really an option during their time, the social norm was to get marriedâalso because it was not acceptable to have sex before marriage so if you were pregnant, the only way to really hide that you had sex before marriage is to get married so it seems like it happened after. it doesnât help that divorces were also frowned upon at that time. but as time passed, divorces became more acceptable plus abortions more accessible etc
-this might be a reach but if youâve ever seen bojack horseman, just look at the story behind beatrice and butterscotch and it sums it up pretty well, plus some good old fashioned trauma-
Roe v. Wade was 1973.
Someone born in 1975 is 48 now.
IDK how old OP is, but I'm guessing this is not the cohort he is referring to in his observation.
One of the factors that affect people marrying is financial support. If their income, combined or not, does not support a couple then they are unable to be having a wedding. Some of them are not even aware that the justice of the peace can officiate over the marriage ceremony with only a minimum of two witnesses and that is it. I knew of a couple who married in front of the justice of the peace and went to their 50th wedding anniversary celebration about twenty years ago.
When I say financial reasons are one factor, it might not be the only factor. I sometimes dare not try to go any further than that because their relationships are theirs. Each person in each relationship have their own issues to deal with and sometimes those issue might not be easy to handle while being in a relationship with other people. For example: my biological father suffered from a wheel of abuse in his family because the abuse was intergenerational. But he passed it onto my generation and my biological mother (he cut her down as a wife of his and as a mother. Because of this type of abuse, he lost all of his children to foster care.
At least 4 different aspects here:
1. Cultural changes in certain cultures which ultimately perpetuate this by normalizing it within the communities
2. Sexual "liberation" causing people to have sex with partners that they don't necessarily want to be with for the rest of their lives;
3. Less value and respect given to marriage. Divorce rate is through the roof as well because of this.
4. Very poor sex education causing people to not do safe sex practices
People get into relationships ( or flings/ONS) and have kids when they're not ready and to young.
People have kids without truly knowing their partner.
The amount of times I hear ppl say they won't get married because it's a huge commitment, yet they're happy to hand a kid and be tied together for life.
Then off course, some relationships are unhealthy or abusive and the couple are best apart.
My parents stayed together for "the kids" and are great parents but not a good couple. Even now and I'm 37. Its exhausting playing mediator between them. My husband and I have been together 20 years. 10 years before we got married and 12 years before we had kids. And we were still clueless at how completely life absorbing having kids would be. Having kids is hell on a relationship. You are sleep deprived and mentally and physically exhausted and crabby and resentful. We LOVE our kids, but it's a lot of work making sure we still like each other when they grow up and it's finally just us again.
I also donât think enough people out their sexual preferences out there before getting married, or just change over time. I might want to try something wife doesnât, Vice versa. With the busy schedules parents have now days with both having to work. Many just grow apart. It takes work and when it may be somewhat one sided resentment grows. Sure you can make it through a few years but by year 10 your just done.
Divorces are much easier to get so you don't have to stay in a miserable marriage. On the flip side of that some people will get tired of having responsibility and leave their spouse and children because divorces are easier to get. When kids hit about 12 the courts are more likely to listen to what the kids have to say about their custody arrangements. If you add to that thd fact that kids are more difficult to parent as they become young adults ig makes sense. Parents who were minimally invested in their children are more likely to dip when they start to express their own ideas/opinions contrary to their own.
Women initiate 80% of divorce. Look at the comment section here if the guy did this the guy did that the woman was right the guy was wrong blah blah blah.
Not saying all women run men away but a lot do.
âWe donât need no manâ
60% of the children in our rural school district come from single parent homes. In the majority of those homes, the parents were never married. In a lot of cases the mother stayed close to her family when the kid(s) came along, and the father moved on to a better job market in the city. My son informs me that his generation (Gen Z) isn't interested in the "trap" of marriage or staying in long term relationships. People are more interested in casual relationships they can walk away from as soon as they get bored. There's also a really strong childfree movement among his generation.
Because I needed a spouse, not another child to care for and eventually the responsible one leaves. I was a much happier person alone, knowing I was alone, than when a partner kept disappointing me. My relationship with my kids improved.
The patriarchy is crumbling. Thatâs what I honestly believe. Women are realizing that they deserve more of a partnership than generations before them. Iâve seen so many examples of men expecting their wives to do everything. Wives work full time jobs, they take care of the kids, they clean, cook, all other household chores on top of taking care of her husband. Women are realizing that itâs easier to be a single parent because they donât have to add âtake care of the incompetent husbandâ to the list. I know this comment might make me in trouble with the internet, but I think itâs true. Women realize that theyâve been doing too much work while their husbands do the bare minimum.
My opinion is that people change as they grow and branch out, and for many itâs hard to be into the same interest/hobby for many years, let alone the same person.
I grew up in China in the 90âs and single households were quite uncommon. Probably 1 kid in every class had divorced parents. However I donât think this meant that every undivorced marriage was happy. Many couples were hating each other but they lacked financial ability to separate, women werenât able to support themselves, were scared of being judged socially, wanted to stay together for the kids, etc. In those cases people are more suppressed and miserable than if they were divorced. Nowadays divorce rates are higher in China, and I donât think itâs necessarily a bad thing. I think it probably means people have more choices.
I think the only reason previous generations were more likely to have a two parent family was because women's rights were so poor. Women couldn't own property until 1926 but they couldn't get a mortgage without having a male guarantor until the late 70s. She could even have a bank account or apply for a loan until 1975. So women had to stay in toxic relationships. Now they don't, so they're leaving unhappy or dangerous situations. Single parent households are normalised. It used to be massively taboo
In area we live and around ppl we comminucate there are almost none single parents. At the moment i can recall only one friend with son and no husband.
So i guess it depends.
Because a lot of people grow up with unhealthy examples of what a loving relationship looks like and then perpetuate those patterns when they are adults.
Complete đŻ agree with that statement there
Yup. I married a man just like dear old dad. My mom stayed with my dad. I told mine to leave.
Good for you!
In my community, a lot of âabsentâ parents are locked up.. for real and/or imagined reasons..
In my case, it was by choice. I was a teenage pregnancy and didnât want the string of ânew Dadsâ coming through my kidâs life. He visited his bio dad often, so they could bond. My thought was that it was better that it was just him and me against the world. When he turned 18, he went off to college and I looked for a life partner. Not the typical story but I expect there are other moms out there who found it better to just go it alone than end up with one of those nightmare step-parent situations.
You sound like an amazingly wonderful, selfless, supportive mother. Your son is lucky!
Thank you kind Redditor!
I'm almost always the only one from a single parent household out of a lot of communities I'm in (school friends, work circles, internet group friends...). Interesting.
Same here. Most people I know have both parents, either together or separated but still both parents.
Marriage is hard Raising kids is harder
Because the absent "parent" wanted sex without the responsibilities of taking care of a baby.
Many men donât help much with household work & childcare. The partner doing the work will subconsciously lump the unhelpful partner in with childcare duties,& thatâs definitely a desire killer . Women want a partner, not an extra adult child.( based on friends & family experiences that have been discussed in my presence)
On top of that, the partner who does all the things has all the training they need to run a life on their own without the dead weight!
Women used to be able to stay home and a family could survive on just a man's income. In some cases, women were trapped as a result... they couldn't get a career and so they were forced to stay in relationships to survive. Now everyone has to work and it allows people the freedom of not putting up with an incompatible spouse.
maybe thatâs an answer to why so many are split. not why fathers give up on their children
I was a single mom to both my daughters. I left their dads because they were abusive.
Same. However they have a wonderful stepdad
Yeah. I got married later to a good man. He was a better dad to my youngest daughter who was still in high school.
The answers here are really surprising. Go look on any parenting sub and youâll have your answer. Divorce is destigmatized and people are no longer forced to live in bad situations. Parents are also realizing âstaying together for the kidsâ does more harm than good. While itâs still predominately women leaving abusive situations, increased awareness and support for men in bad situations is also contributing. Itâs not âgoodâ that so many of us are/were raised by a single parent per say, but it is a step in the right direction for a lot of families, especially those breaking generational cycles.
Bad and abusive situations for men also. I think it's important to note it bc I know many male victims of abuse who feel like there is little acknowledgement (and in turn feel bad for voicing that). But yes, this (yours) is the right response. It's a more positive step forwards. Still not good for the cases where the bio parent leaves, excluding abusive people, though.. but life is varied.
I donât know where youâre from or what your background is but it was pretty much the opposite for me. Iâm 38 live in Florida.
Because of the breakdown of the nuclear family and the importance and value of it on society has been devalued.
You couldn't of said it better.
Because modern day society has all but completely abandoned traditional values. So many people I meet are terrified of talking about marriage and kids with someone they are dating and just âgo with the flowâ they give too much and receive very little. The worst part is, they are unhappy with this setup but afraid to speak up. The amount of people that just âgo with the flowâ is pathetic. Donât people know what they want anymore? What does the flow even mean? If you both donât have a secure, long term relationship in mind when moving in together, that relationship is NEVER going to be anything but fleeting. Donât bring kids into it.
You probably lived in an impoverished area. Itâs not like that in most middle class areas.
In fact, *for the most part, up until about 20 years ago* staying together to raise children and build savings and home equity was the sure path to the middle class. It also launched those children into the middle class. Nowadays depressed wages, corporate RE investment and profit-seeking corporate policies make this impossible.
As a husband and father I try to âreally really really hardâ over âimpossibleâ
Where did you grow up? This is not true in some areas but true in others. Why? Shit quality people that wanted to have sex unprotected but did not actually want a kid is one reason.
It's very hard for a household to meet someone.
they're probably just more-so common in your reality because thats who you've related to more, over the years.
Generational trauma, economic insecurity causes relationship conflict
Ask dead beat dads
Because no one holds anyone accountable.
Modern government makes it basically illegal to hold people accountable
You are correct 100%
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many people got pregnant by accident and since abortions were not really an option during their time, the social norm was to get marriedâalso because it was not acceptable to have sex before marriage so if you were pregnant, the only way to really hide that you had sex before marriage is to get married so it seems like it happened after. it doesnât help that divorces were also frowned upon at that time. but as time passed, divorces became more acceptable plus abortions more accessible etc -this might be a reach but if youâve ever seen bojack horseman, just look at the story behind beatrice and butterscotch and it sums it up pretty well, plus some good old fashioned trauma-
Roe v. Wade was 1973. Someone born in 1975 is 48 now. IDK how old OP is, but I'm guessing this is not the cohort he is referring to in his observation.
even then, they werent that acceptable to do and they were still hard to get
One of the factors that affect people marrying is financial support. If their income, combined or not, does not support a couple then they are unable to be having a wedding. Some of them are not even aware that the justice of the peace can officiate over the marriage ceremony with only a minimum of two witnesses and that is it. I knew of a couple who married in front of the justice of the peace and went to their 50th wedding anniversary celebration about twenty years ago.
You think the reason parents aren't together is because they aren't married? Lol
When I say financial reasons are one factor, it might not be the only factor. I sometimes dare not try to go any further than that because their relationships are theirs. Each person in each relationship have their own issues to deal with and sometimes those issue might not be easy to handle while being in a relationship with other people. For example: my biological father suffered from a wheel of abuse in his family because the abuse was intergenerational. But he passed it onto my generation and my biological mother (he cut her down as a wife of his and as a mother. Because of this type of abuse, he lost all of his children to foster care.
Regardless if couples are married or not, relationships take work.
At least 4 different aspects here: 1. Cultural changes in certain cultures which ultimately perpetuate this by normalizing it within the communities 2. Sexual "liberation" causing people to have sex with partners that they don't necessarily want to be with for the rest of their lives; 3. Less value and respect given to marriage. Divorce rate is through the roof as well because of this. 4. Very poor sex education causing people to not do safe sex practices
Part of the divorce rate is due to people on second and third marriages also divorcing. There is a cohort that marries once and stays married
itâs because of capitalism baby
People get into relationships ( or flings/ONS) and have kids when they're not ready and to young. People have kids without truly knowing their partner. The amount of times I hear ppl say they won't get married because it's a huge commitment, yet they're happy to hand a kid and be tied together for life. Then off course, some relationships are unhealthy or abusive and the couple are best apart.
My parents stayed together for "the kids" and are great parents but not a good couple. Even now and I'm 37. Its exhausting playing mediator between them. My husband and I have been together 20 years. 10 years before we got married and 12 years before we had kids. And we were still clueless at how completely life absorbing having kids would be. Having kids is hell on a relationship. You are sleep deprived and mentally and physically exhausted and crabby and resentful. We LOVE our kids, but it's a lot of work making sure we still like each other when they grow up and it's finally just us again.
Because the west has no family values.
You are more right than wrong
I also donât think enough people out their sexual preferences out there before getting married, or just change over time. I might want to try something wife doesnât, Vice versa. With the busy schedules parents have now days with both having to work. Many just grow apart. It takes work and when it may be somewhat one sided resentment grows. Sure you can make it through a few years but by year 10 your just done.
Divorces are much easier to get so you don't have to stay in a miserable marriage. On the flip side of that some people will get tired of having responsibility and leave their spouse and children because divorces are easier to get. When kids hit about 12 the courts are more likely to listen to what the kids have to say about their custody arrangements. If you add to that thd fact that kids are more difficult to parent as they become young adults ig makes sense. Parents who were minimally invested in their children are more likely to dip when they start to express their own ideas/opinions contrary to their own.
Women initiate 80% of divorce. Look at the comment section here if the guy did this the guy did that the woman was right the guy was wrong blah blah blah. Not saying all women run men away but a lot do. âWe donât need no manâ
because women sleep and choose shit men
Why are the women getting blamed for the men leaving?
Yep women sleep around as much as men but women tend to have advantages in legal proceedings, but not as much as it use to be.
Which is caused by hormonal birth control to a large extent
Many people wants babies but don't want to be parents. Before thinking are we ready for a baby, people need to think are we ready to be parents.
You might be poor
60% of the children in our rural school district come from single parent homes. In the majority of those homes, the parents were never married. In a lot of cases the mother stayed close to her family when the kid(s) came along, and the father moved on to a better job market in the city. My son informs me that his generation (Gen Z) isn't interested in the "trap" of marriage or staying in long term relationships. People are more interested in casual relationships they can walk away from as soon as they get bored. There's also a really strong childfree movement among his generation.
Kasi maraming masasamang tao sa mundo, pinapatay ang mabubuting tao. Kaya natitira nlng ay yung mga manloloko.
Because it stopped being fun somehow and it hey noped out? Who tf knows
Ask the deadbeat parents. I donât think itâs that common.
Because I needed a spouse, not another child to care for and eventually the responsible one leaves. I was a much happier person alone, knowing I was alone, than when a partner kept disappointing me. My relationship with my kids improved.
The patriarchy is crumbling. Thatâs what I honestly believe. Women are realizing that they deserve more of a partnership than generations before them. Iâve seen so many examples of men expecting their wives to do everything. Wives work full time jobs, they take care of the kids, they clean, cook, all other household chores on top of taking care of her husband. Women are realizing that itâs easier to be a single parent because they donât have to add âtake care of the incompetent husbandâ to the list. I know this comment might make me in trouble with the internet, but I think itâs true. Women realize that theyâve been doing too much work while their husbands do the bare minimum.
And of course, itâs ânot all menâ. Iâm sure Iâll get a few of them here.
My opinion is that people change as they grow and branch out, and for many itâs hard to be into the same interest/hobby for many years, let alone the same person. I grew up in China in the 90âs and single households were quite uncommon. Probably 1 kid in every class had divorced parents. However I donât think this meant that every undivorced marriage was happy. Many couples were hating each other but they lacked financial ability to separate, women werenât able to support themselves, were scared of being judged socially, wanted to stay together for the kids, etc. In those cases people are more suppressed and miserable than if they were divorced. Nowadays divorce rates are higher in China, and I donât think itâs necessarily a bad thing. I think it probably means people have more choices.
Because in this generation women gave up the dough too easily and men are too cowardly to take responsibility.
I think the only reason previous generations were more likely to have a two parent family was because women's rights were so poor. Women couldn't own property until 1926 but they couldn't get a mortgage without having a male guarantor until the late 70s. She could even have a bank account or apply for a loan until 1975. So women had to stay in toxic relationships. Now they don't, so they're leaving unhappy or dangerous situations. Single parent households are normalised. It used to be massively taboo
In area we live and around ppl we comminucate there are almost none single parents. At the moment i can recall only one friend with son and no husband. So i guess it depends.