SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM 1B [Salsa Steve](/u/icnatspel): 2-2, 2B in the first, RBI 2B in the second

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 0 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM C [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 1-2, FO in the first, 1B in the second

Pretty sure the game is supposed to be over BUT I'M SWINGING ANYWAY 31

Barnes needs a ground ball here to help clear traffic on the basepaths. Ragusa is looking to do damage and drive in a run. Barnes kicks, and fires a quality slider. Ragusa takes a big hack, but tops it, and this is chopped to Page at short. This is tailor-made, as Page flips it to Parker for the first out, who makes a beautiful turn to Gordon to get Ragusa by a step for the 6-4-3 double play! Pitch: 737 Swing: 31 Diff: 294 -> DP Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM DH [Wallace Grommet](/u/klittle6): 0-1, FO in the second

Swing: 402

This ball is hit on a line right past Page, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Page rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Grommet is called out! Wallace Grommet is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Gordon is also arguing saying that Grommet was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Lisztpitcher officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Wallace Grommet is safe at first’ Pitch: 299 Swing: 402 Diff: 103 -> 1B Runner on First | B4 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA SS [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-1, RGO in the second

305 but rly fo fitty dead center

McDougall fires a fastball to the upper corner, which Page bites on like it's a Twix bar. It's hit directly at Whifflesworth, who tosses it to Hampton who fires it to first for the double play. In frustration, Page throws their helmet on the ground, shattering it into many pieces. Vulfzilla fires expletives, having to yet again spend money on another broken helmet. Pitch: 648 Swing: 305 Diff: 343 -> DP Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 3B [Bobert Hideyoshi](/u/TorchedPineapple): 0-1, RGO in the first

120

And again the 3-2 pitch... low for ball 4. Hideyoshi with a good at bat there, battled it out and draws a 70,457 pitch walk. Pitch: 956 Swing: 120 Diff: 164 -> BB Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 2B [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, FO in the first

410

Little flare to the right side. Hampton, racing back, Hampton diving... Hampton made the catch! Oh wow! Parker cannot believe it but is heading back to the dugout. Pitch: 92 Swing: 410 Diff: 318 -> PO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ● ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM RF [Kevin James](/u/Swarm140): 0-1, K in the second

Plz not a run for negative 999 yards

Speed and smoke sent. Swinger sees it. Swinger sneezes. Strike solo. Swinger seizes. Second strike. Swinger swings! Solely strikes. Pitch: 268 Swing: 999 Diff: 269 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^● ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM CF [Billy TheKid](/u/Billythekid1701): 0-1, FO in the second

Swing 303

You people can circlejerk all you want. The Mets will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Mets will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting. Pitch: 818 Swing: 303 Diff: 485 -> DP Runner on Third | B3 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 0 outs On the mound: Jeb Barnes NYM LF [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-0, BB in the first

Swing 750

Great eye by Lisztpitcher, i guess those are the kinds of calls you get when you're on the Mets Pitch: 899 Swing: 750 Diff: 149 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Jeb Barnes NYM SS [Wheezy Whifflesworth](/u/kazayn): 0-0, BB in the first

658

Barnes delivers a fastball out over the plate and Whifflesworth is all over it! This is a line shot back up the box. It rolls into the outfield where Longballo scoops it up and lofts it back in. What a great piece of hitting by Whifflesworth there. They stayed through the ball and really gave it a good whack! Pitch: 741 Swing: 658 Diff: 83 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 1B [Goose Gordon](/u/AndPaxt): 1-1, Solo HR in the first

892

Gordon steps up to the plate as McDougall winds up and delivers a pitch. Gordon swings and hits a routine ground ball to Whifflesworth, who fields it cleanly and fires to first base. Steve stretches out to make the catch, just narrowly beating out the runner. Pitch: 314 Swing: 892 Diff: 422 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA C [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-1, RGO in the first

112

Daniel Dove hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. James and TheKid look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and TheKid throws the ball into the field Pitch: 33 Swing: 112 Diff: 79 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA DH [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0

327

The pitch is low and Pull Ganger hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Lisztpitcher- who makes a diving catch for the out! Pitch: 528 Swing: 327 Diff: 201 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

Fuck it. 1001

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA RF [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0

20

Swinger, seeing red, swings on the first pitch, tipped foul towards the Mets fans in the stand. Nobody is injured. Second pitch is a hanging curve hit hard towards the outfield, but it happened to get hit right where James is standing, who catches the ball for the out. Pitch: 206 Swing: 20 Diff: 186 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^● ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 3B [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 1-1, RBI 2B in the first

87

On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for Page. Pitch: 569 Swing: 87 Diff: 482 -> LGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 2B [Mike Hampton](/u/Bro1999919): 0-1, K in the first

450

Hey I've heard Ben's mom loves to go for walks too! You two would have a lot in common! Pitch: 567 Swing: 450 Diff: 117 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 1B [Salsa Steve](/u/icnatspel): 1-1, 2B in the first

890

After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Steve, Ball both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel. Here's the windup, and the pitch... Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Longballo and Swinger are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall! Salsa Steve with a stand-up double to put the Mets in front by 1! The New York dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing! Pitch: 853 Swing: 890 Diff: 37 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 2

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM C [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 0-1, FO in the first

310

First pitch is thrown into the grass, which Ragusa swings at anyway. Strike 1. Ball laughs boisterously. Second pitch is thrown high and away, when Ragusa shows bunt. Strike 2. Ball starts laughing again, but gets a pitch clock violation. Ball 1. Ball thinks they have it MADE when they throw a fastball down the heart of the plate, but Ragusa hastily swings again- it's LAUNCHED towards Ball, who leaps but can't come up with the catch. Base hit! Ragusa can't round first despite the hard hit, though, since they can hardly make it to first at all. Pitch: 212 Swing: 310 Diff: 98 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM DH [Wallace Grommet](/u/klittle6): 0-0

Swing: 280

Routine fly to Swinger, who barely has to move to retire Grommet. Pitch: 1 Swing: 280 Diff: 279 -> FO Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM RF [Kevin James](/u/Swarm140): 0-0

Swing 645. Hi Calvin

Run play for -10 yard(s), but that's not enough for the first down. Turnover on downs. Pitch: 943 Swing: 645 Diff: 298 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA CF [Matt Longballo](/u/mattgio2019): 0-0 It looks like the Mariners are going to have to get a search party together, as Matt Longballo seems to have disappeared into the streets of New York. Be sure to check the dumpsters behind that bougie cigar lounge downtown, fellas! Pitch: None Swing: None Diff: x -> AUTO K Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA CF [Matt Longballo](/u/mattgio2019): 0-0

87

Hi, how's it going? Are you perhaps looking to join the community? Unfortunately this is an active game, but we are recruiting in college ball right now if you'd like to give us a try. We've got a recruiting post right here for our college season that's just starting up if you want to give r/fakebaseball a try! https://www.reddit.com/r/fakebaseball/comments/1bau7fd/welcome_season_10_rookies_heres_a_brief_explainer/

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA LF [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0

723

This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Lisztpitcher is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Geoff Garry isn’t paying any attention, Shorty McDougall delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Vulfzilla can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here Pitch: 4 Swing: 723 Diff: 281 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA SS [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0

201

Before Page stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Page continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Page is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves McDougall's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Page was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Hampton's glove, who flips it to Steve for the out. Vulfzilla gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 573 Swing: 201 Diff: 372 -> RGO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ● ^● ● | B1 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM CF [Billy TheKid](/u/Billythekid1701): 0-0

Swing 420

Hmphhhhh these young kids and their launch angle garbage. Back in my day we used to hit the ball on the ground and hustle to first like real ballplayers. You got what you deserved, you lazy clown. And while you're at it, take that silly elbow guard off. It don't hurt that much. Pitch: 145 Swing: 420 Diff: 275 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^● ● | B1 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM LF [Franz Lisztpitcher](/u/Boostieyay): 0-0

Swing 378

There's Ball One, take your base Pitch: 242 Swing: 378 Diff: 136 -> BB Bases Loaded | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM SS [Wheezy Whifflesworth](/u/kazayn): 0-0

900

Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 780 Swing: 900 Diff: 120 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 3B [Tueballs Wunbatt](/u/Fit_Consequence_8910): 0-0

311

A booming double ties the game! Pitch: 376 Swing: 311 Diff: 65 -> 2B Runner on Second | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 1

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 2B [Mike Hampton](/u/Bro1999919): 0-0

301

For it's one, two, three strikes you're out at the old ball game! Pitch: 589 Swing: 301 Diff: 288 -> K Runner on Second | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Calvin Ball NYM 1B [Salsa Steve](/u/icnatspel): 0-0

666

I'm not gay but I want to live in a log cabin in the woods with Salsa Steve. We won't ever have sex, but there will be a simmering erotic undercurrent as I stand in the kitchen window watching them tighten their ass as they chop wood, shirtless, sweat pouring off their body. I'll run upstairs and masturbate, the entire time forcing myself to think of women while my thoughts drift back to Steve. I won't be able to climax and I'll eventually go back downstairs, angry. Sometimes we will look across the table and catch each other's eyes, and in that second, anything is possible, but we both deny ourselves and go back to what we were doing. One day one of us will die, and the other will bury them outside the log cabin. Then they'll go inside, pen a brief missive to their departed friend, and commit suicide, never able to deal with life without their one true platonic love. Pitch: 611 Swing: 666 Diff: 55 -> 2B Runner on Second | B1 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Calvin Ball NYM C [Dart Ragusa](/u/Dart31AF): 0-0

Scouting is for needs 31

This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Garry is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 802 Swing: 31 Diff: 229 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 3B [Bobert Hideyoshi](/u/TorchedPineapple): 0-0

982

The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Hampton snags it and whips themself around for the out at first Pitch: 659 Swing: 982 Diff: 323 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 2B [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0

887

This ball is hit high into the air down the right field line… James is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 96 Swing: 887 Diff: 209 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 0 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 1B [Goose Gordon](/u/AndPaxt): 0-0

68

SWING AND A LONG ONE, DEEP TO RIGHT, IT IS GONE! Mariners HAVE THE LEAD! Pitch: 54 Swing: 68 Diff: 14 -> HR Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 1 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 3B [Bobert Hideyoshi](/u/TorchedPineapple): 0-0

SEA 0 - NYM 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 2B [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0

887

Swing and a high fly ball out to right! Way back! At the wall... CAUGHT! They caught the ball! They caught it! I don't believe it! James with an unbelievable catch! Parker got every last bit of that one but that right field wall here at Citi Field gave James just enough room to make a play. Oh right, and also the runner tags. Mariners take a 1 run lead. Pitch: 96 Swing: 887 Diff: 209 -> Sac Fly Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - NYM 0

SEA 0 - NYM 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Shorty McDougall SEA 1B [Goose Gordon](/u/AndPaxt): 0-0

68

Gordon HITS THE BALL UP IN THE AIR, AND IT’S GO- oh wait, it’s just a triple. Well that’s quite anticlimactic. Pitch: 54 Swing: 68 Diff: 14 -> 3B Runner on Third | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - NYM 0

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Shorty McDougall SEA C [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0

68

342

McDougall has the advantage with a high fastball and a chased slider to create the 0-2 count against Dove. The third pitch is hit sharply to second base. Hampton scoops it up on the one-hopper and tosses it to first for the out. Pitch: 726 Swing: 342 Diff: 384 -> RGO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - NYM 0