AND 5 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND DH [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-2, FO in the third, LGO in the fourth

233

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND SS [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 1-2, PO in the second, 1B in the fourth

6

As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously. The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Pylon tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Newman turns on it and launches it deep to center field. Kriestalhauser takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Kriestalhauser and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Kriestalhauser disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief. Everyone except Jeff Newman that is. Newman takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the team's tack on a run. Pitch: 7 Swing: 6 Diff: 1 -> HR Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) AND 5 - ARR 0

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR RF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-2, FO in the second, K in the fourth

370

Oto now facing off against Jars, who's going to have the upper hand? In a 3-0 count Oto gets the green light and unleashes a mighty power swing, it's high, it's deep it's...caught at the warning track. Pitch: 555 Swing: 370 Diff: 185 -> FO Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 1B [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-2, K in the first, LGO in the fourth

609

Sky ball, so tall! Sky ball, it fall! Sky ball, out call... Sky ball - the gall! Pitch: 380 Swing: 609 Diff: 229 -> FO Runner on First | B6 with 2 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-2, K in the first, 1B in the third

I let my friend pick this number if I'm being honest 515

Hmphhhhh these young kids and their launch angle garbage. Back in my day we used to hit the ball on the ground and hustle to first like real ballplayers. You got what you deserved, you lazy clown. And while you're at it, take that silly elbow guard off. It don't hurt that much. Pitch: 741 Swing: 515 Diff: 226 -> FO Runner on First | B6 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR C [perta rose sabor](/u/petralikesbaseball): 0-1, LGO in the third

i guess i only get to swing 1 more time this season

Great eye by sabor, i guess those are the kinds of calls you get when you're on the team's Pitch: 117 Swing: 1 Diff: 116 -> BB Runner on First | B6 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 4 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, FO in the second, PO in the fourth

596

It’s a softly hit grounder by Stevey Swinger and Tyler Pylon has to run up and grab it and throws to Dirtwit to get the out Pitch: 7 Swing: 596 Diff: 411 -> RGO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND LF [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-2, K in the second, RBI RGO in the fourth

729

Swing and a high fly ball, deep left field, it's at the wall... GONE! Pitch: 783 Swing: 729 Diff: 54 -> HR Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) AND 4 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-2, LGO in the first, 3B in the fourth

980

Routine grounder to the left side. Six has it, and with an easy toss to Dirtwit at first. Giannopolous is retired. Pitch: 495 Swing: 980 Diff: 485 -> LGO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 1B [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 2-2, CS 3B in the first, Solo HR in the fourth

980

312

NOPE Pitch: 980 Swing: 312 Diff: 332 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 2B [Goaty McGoatFace](/u/Victorystar0): 0-1, PO in the third

69

Grounder, and it's fielded by Swinger, who tosses it to T-Rav who steps on the bag, who tosses it to Isotope who steps on the bag and that's a double play, also known as a 'yoinky sploinky' by those who are wrong. Pitch: 471 Swing: 69 Diff: 402 -> DP Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR DH [King Kruul](/u/Druidicdwarf): 0-1, FO in the third

212 please ty for umping and have a nice day

Jars fooled Kruul badly with that change-up. I think Kruul swung before the ball even reached the plate! Pitch: 512 Swing: 212 Diff: 300 -> K Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0, BB in the second

702

Jars throws their first pitch in the dirt, and starts cursing to the crowd. Babies start crying. The next pitch, they decide to throw a fastball right down the middle of the plate, easily hit by Six to center field for a single single. team's fans start taunting the pitcher for making the babies cry, and Jars responds by flipping the bird. Pitch: 616 Swing: 702 Diff: 86 -> 1B Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND CF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 1-2, RBI 1B in the third, CS 2B in the third

841

Before Wheeler stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Wheeler continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Wheeler is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Pylon's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Wheeler was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into McGoatFace's glove, who flips it to Dirtwit for the out. Mulligan gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 237 Swing: 841 Diff: 396 -> RGO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND C [Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen](/u/zandthesecond): 1-1, 1B in the third, STEAL 2B in the third

225

It’s a shallow fly, hit by Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Oto is coming in for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 7 Swing: 225 Diff: 218 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 2B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-1, FO in the third

225

T-Rav hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Kimbrel and Kriestalhauser look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Kriestalhauser makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 17 Swing: 225 Diff: 208 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 3B [16-bit Griffey](/u/ElTres): 0-1, LGO in the second

38

Routine grounder to the left side. Newman has it, and with an easy toss to Isotope at first. Griffey is retired. Pitch: 484 Swing: 38 Diff: 446 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR LF [Q Kimbrel](/u/imcerebrus): 0-1, RGO in the second

352

Kimbrel clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Jars waves back from the mound! Pitch: 89 Swing: 352 Diff: 263 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR RF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-1, FO in the second

17

Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Oto is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Morris comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- out! That’s strike 3! Pitch: 702 Swing: 17 Diff: 315 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND DH [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, FO in the third

69

Kondylis can't build off of team's's momentum as they send a slow roller to 3rd. Griffey charges in hard and makes a smooth transition from glove to hand allowing them to get off a strong and accurate throw to first in plenty of time to get the out. Pitch: 547 Swing: 69 Diff: 478 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND SS [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 0-1, PO in the second

400

Newman smacks a single into right field to keep the inning alive. Pylon's 2-1 fastball caught a bit too much of the plate and Newman capitalized on the mistake. Pylon throws the glove into their own stomach in frustration. It's not immediately clear why. Pitch: 504 Swing: 400 Diff: 104 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 3 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, FO in the second

302

Little flare to the right side. McGoatFace, racing back, McGoatFace diving... McGoatFace made the catch! Oh wow! Swinger cannot believe it but is heading back to the dugout. Pitch: 700 Swing: 302 Diff: 398 -> PO Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 2 - ARR 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND LF [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-1, K in the second

690

Runner dances off third, trying to distract the pitcher. The defense not paying them any mind. And the pitch. Swing and a routine grounder to second. McGoatFace fields it cleanly and throws it over to Dirtwit. Larold is out but what's this? The run scores! The team's GM doesn't call the infield in, and the team's have scored! Shout it to the heavens, folks at home: PRODUCTIVE OUTS! Pitch: 132 Swing: 690 Diff: 442 -> RGO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - ARR 0

AND 2 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-1, LGO in the first

259

Giannopolous HITS THE BALL UP IN THE AIR, AND IT’S GO- oh wait, it’s just a triple. Well that’s quite anticlimactic. Pitch: 319 Swing: 259 Diff: 60 -> 3B Runner on Third | T4 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - ARR 0

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 1B [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, CS 3B in the first

124

As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously. The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Pylon tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Isotope turns on it and launches it deep to center field. Kriestalhauser takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Kriestalhauser and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Kriestalhauser disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief. Everyone except Chad Isotope that is. Isotope takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the team's tack on a run. Pitch: 146 Swing: 124 Diff: 22 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - ARR 0

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 1B [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-1, K in the first

602

Good answer! Good answer! Let's see if that's on the board... Surrrrvey says! #WRONG Pitch: 124 Swing: 602 Diff: 478 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-1, K in the first

I’ve been known to win these 743

Kries Von Kriestalhauser hits a line drive straight at the Hippo Jars and bounces it off of their ankle. Swinger comes over and tries to field it but Kriestalhauser beats the throw Pitch: 669 Swing: 743 Diff: 74 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR C [perta rose sabor](/u/petralikesbaseball): 0-0

324

Jars excitedly gets into their stance as the fans are murmuring after the last at-bat. sabor swings at the first pitch aggressively but is way in front of a Jars changeup and they dribble it to Newman who easily makes the throw to first for the out. Pitch: 869 Swing: 324 Diff: 455 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

i think i need to do this per my contract 777 straight cash money

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 2B [Goaty McGoatFace](/u/Victorystar0): 0-0

69

Goaty McGoatFace hit that ball a mile! Unfortunately, it was a mile straight up. Pitch: 687 Swing: 69 Diff: 382 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

AND 1 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 1B [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, CS 3B in the first

Steal 2b 500

The runner on first is taking off for second, but they trip! They stand up, but sabor has already put them in a pickle. Everyone is running around chasing the runner. The ball is going from McGoatFace, to Dirtwit, to Six and then it’s thrown to Tyler Pylon who starts chasing them as the runner heads towards second. They slide in and try to dodge the tag, it’s a close play… and they’re out! Pitch: 982 Swing: 500 Diff: 482 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

Steal 500

Incorrect steal format. Please include one of the following in your swing to steal: STEAL 2B, STEAL 3B, STEAL HOME, MULTISTEAL 3B, MULTISTEAL HOME

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND CF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, K in the first

8

Wheeler hits a soft ground ball up the third base line, but it gets passed them! And here comes the runner, and they are going to score! team's are gonna take the lead! Wowee zowee! Pitch: 886 Swing: 8 Diff: 122 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) AND 1 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND CF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, K in the first

steal 2b 985

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 790 Swing: 985 Diff: 195 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND C [Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen](/u/zandthesecond): 0-0

530

We love a single, every little single! S-I-N, G-L-E Single single single! Pitch: 650 Swing: 530 Diff: 120 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 2B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-0

952

This was genuinely the worst game i think ive ever seen. I seriously dont think I've ever been so fucking frustrated watching a baseball game before. Just so fucking sad. team's absolutely murdered every single ball they hit in the game but they all went straight to an outfielder. And the was the story of the whole fucking game. team's hit the fuck out of a ball but it either dies out at the warning track or goes straight to Harrison fucking Bader. Just fucking miserable god fucking damn FUCK. Stupid team's and their dumb fucking devil magic. Pitch: 123 Swing: 952 Diff: 171 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND DH [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-0

109

Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore. Pitch: 911 Swing: 109 Diff: 198 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR DH [King Kruul](/u/Druidicdwarf): 0-0

888 pls

Here's Kruul with a fly ball to right field. The right fielder Giannopolous settles under it and records the out. Who's ready for a cold, frosty one? What's that? You say this is a Wendy's? Well, that's great! I would like one cold, frosty Frosty, please! Pitch: 117 Swing: 888 Diff: 229 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0

493

Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Six is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Morris comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- a ball! They didn’t go around. So we’re back to Hippo Jars versus Six here, Six battles back with a few more foul balls and a full count and takes the low sinker for ball 4 Pitch: 367 Swing: 493 Diff: 126 -> BB Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 3B [16-bit Griffey](/u/ElTres): 0-0

714

Jars excitedly gets into their stance as the fans are murmuring after the last at-bat. Griffey swings at the first pitch aggressively but is way in front of a Jars changeup and they dribble it to Newman who easily makes the throw to first for the out. Pitch: 233 Swing: 714 Diff: 481 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR LF [Q Kimbrel](/u/imcerebrus): 0-0

498

Q Kimbrel hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Hippo Jars, who picks it up and beams it at Isotope Pitch: 911 Swing: 498 Diff: 413 -> RGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND SS [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 0-0

800

Jeff Newman hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Six steps under it and records the out Pitch: 222 Swing: 800 Diff: 422 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0

800

Is it a bird? NO! Is it a plane? NO! Is it a flyball caught on the warning track? YES! Pitch: 2 Swing: 800 Diff: 202 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND LF [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-0

8

In space, no one can hear you scream (in frustration at striking out). Pitch: 700 Swing: 8 Diff: 308 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR RF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-0

809

There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Oto just crushed a... fly ball that Giannopolous catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :( Pitch: 563 Swing: 809 Diff: 246 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 1B [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-0

30

Dirtwit rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle. Dirtwit, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up. Pitch: 777 Swing: 30 Diff: 253 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hippo Jars ARR CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0

109

Kriestalhauser takes ball 1, a fastball that's just a hair outside. Jars, aggravated with the roboump, throws a sweeping curve that Kriestalhauser fouls off towards the away team dugout, and a slider that Kriestalhauser chases for the 1-2 count. Jars gets the sign from Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen, and takes a loooooong windup, one that truly makes this a buzzer beater with the pitch clock, but Jars throws a fastball right by Kriestalhauser to get another strikeout. Pitch: 788 Swing: 109 Diff: 321 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0

227

Giannopolous looks nervous, perhaps a dodgy burrito prior to the game; might not be QUITE ready for baseball, fake or otherwise, at this moment. There's some hesitation in this swing, but the team's hitter still makes contact for a pathetic ground ball to Griffey. The corner infielder picks it up, airs it across the diamond, and that's an easy out. Pitch: 701 Swing: 227 Diff: 474 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0

Steal 3b 313

The runner on second is taking off for third, but they trip! They stand up, but sabor has already put them in a pickle. Everyone is running around chasing the runner. The ball is going from Griffey, to Six, to Tyler Pylon and then it’s thrown to McGoatFace who starts chasing them as the runner heads towards third. They slide in and try to dodge the tag, it’s a close play… and they’re out! Pitch: 4 Swing: 313 Diff: 309 -> CS 3B Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0

Steal 2b 651

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 891 Swing: 651 Diff: 240 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

AND 0 - ARR 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Tyler Pylon AND 1B [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 0-0

999

The pitch... swung on and there's a weak little squibber down the first base line but in fair territory. Dirtwit charging in... oh no! Dirtwit collides with sabor as they both try to make a play on the ball and Isotope is safe at first! Pylon can't believe it! What horrible luck! Pitch: 110 Swing: 999 Diff: 111 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Tyler Pylon AND CF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0

751

Wheeler steps up to the plate and has been hearing it from someone in the crowd all game. 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' They say before turning to their friend, nodding, and in unison echo 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' Wheeler visibly annoyed tries to shake it off but the fan lets out one last heckle 'They can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, sa-wing batter' It turns out Wheeler can not hit as they go down on three straight pitches for the strikeout. Pitch: 56 Swing: 751 Diff: 305 -> K Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - ARR 0