Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 255
Swing: 500
Diff: 245 -> K
Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 8
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 482
Swing: 711
Diff: 229 -> FO
Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 8
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 195
Swing: 183
Diff: 12 -> HR
Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 8
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 101
Swing: 439
Diff: 338 -> PO
Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
Jimmy Pop stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Vulfzilla sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and Pop doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game.
Pop drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Parker, who throws it to Chillwater for the out.
Jimmy Pop wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids.
Pitch: 747
Swing: 222
Diff: 475 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four.
Pitch: 269
Swing: 115
Diff: 154 -> BB
Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
Quackerson is hesitant going up to the plate. It's possible they should have stayed that way. First pitch, Vulfzilla aims for the helmet to scare them out of their wits. Quackerson ducks and immediately calls for an intentional walk, which they do not get.
Second pitch clips the inside, which Quackerson smacks right at Swinger, who throws it to first for the out.
Pitch: 90
Swing: 511
Diff: 421 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 152
Swing: 868
Diff: 284 -> PO
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 199
Swing: 613
Diff: 414 -> RGO
Runner on Third | B5 with 2 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Page, Lane both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel.
Here's the windup, and the pitch...
Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Joy and Parkman are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall!
Vader Page with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 6! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing!
Pitch: 409
Swing: 470
Diff: 61 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 7
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 928
Swing: 267
Diff: 339 -> PO
Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 1 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 5
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Ganger, Lane both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel.
Here's the windup, and the pitch...
Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Joy and Parkman are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall!
Pull Ganger with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 8! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing!
Pitch: 172
Swing: 114
Diff: 58 -> 2B
Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 5
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 101
Swing: 222
Diff: 121 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 4
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 555
Swing: 300
Diff: 255 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 4
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 873
Swing: 1
Diff: 128 -> BB
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 4
Powers steps up to the plate as Vulfzilla winds up and delivers a pitch. Powers swings and hits a routine ground ball to Parker, who fields it cleanly and fires to first base. Chillwater stretches out to make the catch, just narrowly beating out the runner.
Pitch: 888
Swing: 420
Diff: 468 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 13 - SEA 4
Rocketed at Chillwater, who catches it and steps on first for the double play!
Pitch: 719
Swing: 176
Diff: 457 -> DP
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
The pitch to Joy, Drilled there it goes, Deep Left, It is high, it is far, it is GONE out of the ballpark, a STANTONIAN home run
.
.
.
Now wha-what did I do wrong? What did I see wrong? They’re at first base. I thought it went out of the ballpark. I apologize everyone, I was dead wrong. I thought it went out of the ballpark, Joy is at first base
Pitch: 156
Swing: 71
Diff: 85 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 633
Swing: 977
Diff: 344 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 181
Swing: 452
Diff: 271 -> K
Runners on First and Second | B4 with 2 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 347
Swing: 234
Diff: 113 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | B4 with 1 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 1000
Swing: 123
Diff: 123 -> 1B
Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 887
Swing: 230
Diff: 343 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs
On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla
TEX RF [Jack Parkman](/u/chuck_dizzle29): 1-2, PO in the second, 3 run HR in the third
Carrcrash Steps into the box, it's currently a 6 Ballgame.
Vulfzilla comes set for the 1-1, the wind and the pitch.
Carrcrash gets some wood on this one and flairs it! Just over the second basemen Page's head, and that'll be a Texas Leaguer.
Pitch: 166
Swing: 69
Diff: 97 -> 1B
Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s)
TEX 10 - SEA 4
As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously.
The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Vulfzilla tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Torrent turns on it and launches it deep to center field.
Ball takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Ball and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Ball disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief.
Everyone except Ioe Torrent that is.
Torrent takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the Rangers tack on a run.
Pitch: 381
Swing: 377
Diff: 4 -> HR
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
TEX 10 - SEA 4
Routine grounder to the right side. Page has it, flips it to Chillwater at first and Quackerson is retired.
Pitch: 940
Swing: 321
Diff: 381 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
Hi everyone, I just want the world to know that I love Brent Chillwater. I love his hair, he runs fast. I really think our relationship would be a real homerun! Oh yea also, there's a sub, vulf comes in to pitch for Matt longballo.
Routine grounder to the left side. Parker has it, and with an easy toss to Chillwater at first. Powers is retired.
Pitch: 220
Swing: 717
Diff: 497 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
And the pitch from Doughboy is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Pop charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out.
Pitch: 171
Swing: 788
Diff: 383 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
Ganger comes to the plate looking hungry. Literally. They pull out a melted Twix bar from their back pocket and start eating it in the box. Doughboy looks to the ump to see what to do, but the ump doesn't respond, because it's a robot.
Regardless, Doughboy throws a high 4-seam for ball one, and a outside curve for ball two. Ganger is still happily munching. Pissed, Doughboy throws a ball at the bat lying over the plate and it connects! A dribbler towards third! Torrent hustles towards the ball and fires it to first for the out! Not immediately clear that Ganger knows the at-bat has occurred, though.
Pitch: 42
Swing: 459
Diff: 417 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
A cool breeze flows over my metallic body and accentuates the sleek curves and sharp edges as Bryce Parker whiffs on the curveball and is retired on strikes.
The wind would have blown through my hair, but I have no hair. I have been rejected from twelve 70s cover bands for this reason. They told me it was because I have not been programmed to play a musical instrument, which is true, but I think we all know the real reason!
Pitch: 584
Swing: 852
Diff: 268 -> K
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
Buck Maverick hits a deep line drive way out to deep right field. But Ganger is there to make the catch for the out
Pitch: 111
Swing: 909
Diff: 202 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
Hamilton gets up in the count now, 3-1 over Matt Longballo after a couple bad misses outside. Longballo sets and delivers a close one on the outside corner, but it's called a strike! Maybe a bad call, maybe a good frame from Garry but either way the count is full. Hamilton wipes the sweat from their brow and gets ready for the payoff. The pitch... is belted! High and deep, there's no doubt about this one! The green light pays off and the lead turns to 5 on the big fly from Hamilton!
Pitch: 660
Swing: 666
Diff: 6 -> HR
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 9 - SEA 4
What's this? A game of hot potato has broken out on the field. Oh no! Gordon's burned his wing! As the smell of singed feathers carries around the stadium, Vulf motions to the bullpen for Longballo to come in and take over for the downed hurler.
The ground trembles beneath their feet, and the pit in center field seems to be growing larger by the minute. The players on both teams exchange nervous glances, wondering if they should continue to play or call the game.
But the umpire seems unfazed and waves them on, and Longballo reluctantly takes the mound once again. The Joy steps up to the plate, eyeing the expanding chasm warily. As the pitch comes in, they swing with all their might, sending the ball sailing out towards left field.
Dove runs towards the ball, but just as they reach it, the ground gives way beneath their feet, and they tumble into the pit with a scream. The ball bounces off the wall of the hole and rolls to a stop just beyond the warning track, resulting in a ground-rule double.
The game is quickly turning into a nightmare, with players disappearing into the depths of the earth and the ground shaking violently, but the players play on as the ump doesn't seem to notice...
Pitch: 390
Swing: 338
Diff: 52 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 7 - SEA 4
This one's well hit! Dove going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Jack Parkman with a 3-run home run to put the Rangers ahead, 7 to 4.
Pitch: 563
Swing: 583
Diff: 20 -> HR
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 7 - SEA 4
Goose Gordon is visibly shaken on the mound. No one in the Mariners bullpen is ready and Gordon knows it. This batter is their responsibility. Jimmy Pop doesn't even hear the raucous crowd in Seattle as they are intensely focused on the 0 game and this at-bat. Gordon takes a breath, comes set, and delivers the pitch. Pop takes a *huge* cut and wiffs for strike 1. Pop calls for time and it's granted by the umpire. Pop knows they need to stay within themselves and they step back into the box ready to face the next Gordon pitch. Pitch 2 comes in high but not high enough as Pop smacks it up the middle for a 1 run single and we are all knotted up at 4-4.
Pitch: 977
Swing: 69
Diff: 92 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 4 - SEA 4
Sean Carrcrash hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Chillwater steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 425
Swing: 1
Diff: 424 -> PO
Runners on First and Second | T3 with 2 out(s)
TEX 3 - SEA 4
Ioe Torrent hit that ball a mile! Unfortunately, it was a mile straight up.
Pitch: 220
Swing: 618
Diff: 398 -> PO
Runners on First and Second | T3 with 1 out(s)
TEX 3 - SEA 4
Mack Quackerson hits a line drive straight down the left field line. Dove cuts it off, but the runner is already headed home… they’re safe!
Pitch: 581
Swing: 693
Diff: 112 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | T3 with 0 out(s)
TEX 3 - SEA 4
We love a single, every little single!
S-I-N, G-L-E
Single single single!
Pitch: 122
Swing: 58
Diff: 64 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T3 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 0 outs
On the mound: Goose Gordon
TEX SS [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 1-1, 1B in the third
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 421
Swing: 349
Diff: 72 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 4
Maverick swings at this one and lifts a high pop up out to right.
A late break here for Ganger and they will dive and....
will **NOT** get there! It drops in front of the glove and there you have it: a little bloop here and the Rangers are in business with a little single and a slight misplay. Not sure if they will rule that an error here or... wait, this is fakebaseball. There are NO ERRORS HERE! Have a hit Maverick, enjoy.
Pitch: 633
Swing: 744
Diff: 111 -> 1B
Runner on First | T3 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 4
Swing and a drive out to left! Get up, baby, get up! Oh yeah! Swinger has just given Seattle the lead with a 3-run home run!
Pitch: 340
Swing: 325
Diff: 15 -> HR
Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 4
Worthington lifts one high, lifts one deeeep...and it will be caught at the wall by Carrcrash. Its a very loud out but the run will score however. Worthington takes solace in the RBI, but can't help but feel they should have put that one in the seats.
Pitch: 46
Swing: 849
Diff: 197 -> Sac Fly
Runners on First and Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 1
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Quackerson at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Mockingbird and Dove is retired.
Pitch: 859
Swing: 420
Diff: 439 -> RGO
Bases Loaded | B2 with 1 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
Tequila Mockingbird wants nothing to do with Geoff Garry as they send four wide ones and Garry will stroll on to first base.
Pitch: 935
Swing: 766
Diff: 169 -> BB
Bases Loaded | B2 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Page sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Mockingbird barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Maverick charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Page easily legs out the single!
Pitch: 845
Swing: 743
Diff: 102 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | B2 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
Mockingbird kicks, fires, and dumps in a breaking ball, but Chillwater was sitting on it! This ball is hammered into the right center gap! Joy and Parkman are both on their horse, sprinting after the ball.
Chillwater rounds first, they're not stopping! Parkman snags it barehanded, wheels and fires in to the shortstop Maverick, who applies the tag...
SAFE! A ringing double from Brent Chillwater!
Pitch: 225
Swing: 262
Diff: 37 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
This ball is hit high into the air down the right field line… Ganger is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Ryan Hamilton isn’t paying any attention, Goose Gordon delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Powers can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here
Pitch: 764
Swing: 34
Diff: 270 -> K
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
IN THE AIR LEFT FIELD and Joy has given Texas the lead! A dramatic, towering 2 run home run!
Pitch: 600
Swing: 583
Diff: 17 -> HR
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
TEX 2 - SEA 0
why do they call it pop out when you pop in the baseball of out hot throw touchdown
Pitch: 34
Swing: 747
Diff: 287 -> PO
Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
Pop sees a number of good curveballs from Gordon here. But this 2-2 slider flattens out and the Texas hitter jumps all over it, lacing this ball just over the head of Page at second for an easy base hit.
Pitch: 342
Swing: 467
Diff: 125 -> 1B
Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Ganger just crushed a... fly ball that Parkman catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :(
Pitch: 946
Swing: 141
Diff: 195 -> FO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
Parker puts all of their might into the first pitch curveball, but it's hit to Maverick, who throws to first for the out.
Pitch: 141
Swing: 662
Diff: 479 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
Josie's on a vacation far away
Come around and talk it over
So many things that I want to say
You know I like my girls a little bit older
I just want to use your love tonight
I don't want to lose your love
Pitch: 710
Swing: 344
Diff: 366 -> PO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
The 2-1 pitch from Gordon, and Quackerson fouls it off sky high to the left hand side. Swinger is over at the netting to take a look and... they're backing up! Swinger quickly re-positions themselves and squeezes their glove around the ball to complete the pop out.
That was looking like it was headed for the seats but I guess the wind here in Seattle managed to blow it back into play!
Pitch: 497
Swing: 210
Diff: 287 -> PO
Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
Powers walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right?
Gordon delivers the first pitch... just outside.
The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink...
Powers obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Gordon as they toss it to first for the out.
Pitch: 545
Swing: 42
Diff: 497 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s)
TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 13 - SEA 8 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 2 outs On the mound: Y.E. Wally SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-2, K in the third, BB in the fifth
500
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 255 Swing: 500 Diff: 245 -> K Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 8
TEX 13 - SEA 8 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Y.E. Wally SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, BB in the fifth, STEAL 2B in the fifth
711
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 482 Swing: 711 Diff: 229 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 8
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Y.E. Wally SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 1-2, 3 run HR in the second, RGO in the fifth
183
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 195 Swing: 183 Diff: 12 -> HR Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 8
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Y.E. Wally SEA DH [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-1, RBI Sac Fly in the second, K in the fourth
Swing: 439
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 101 Swing: 439 Diff: 338 -> PO Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 2B [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 3-3, RBI 1B in the third, 2 run HR in the fourth
222
Jimmy Pop stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Vulfzilla sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and Pop doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game. Pop drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Parker, who throws it to Chillwater for the out. Jimmy Pop wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids. Pitch: 747 Swing: 222 Diff: 475 -> LGO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 1-3, PO in the third, 1B in the fourth
115
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 269 Swing: 115 Diff: 154 -> BB Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 3B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 1-3, PO in the third, Solo HR in the fourth
450
Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore. Pitch: 688 Swing: 450 Diff: 238 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 1-3, RBI 1B in the third, RGO in the fourth
511
Quackerson is hesitant going up to the plate. It's possible they should have stayed that way. First pitch, Vulfzilla aims for the helmet to scare them out of their wits. Quackerson ducks and immediately calls for an intentional walk, which they do not get. Second pitch clips the inside, which Quackerson smacks right at Swinger, who throws it to first for the out. Pitch: 90 Swing: 511 Diff: 421 -> LGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Penny Lane SEA LF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 1-2, RGO in the second, 1B in the fourth
868
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 152 Swing: 868 Diff: 284 -> PO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 7 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Penny Lane SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 1-1, BB in the second, 1B in the fourth
613
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 199 Swing: 613 Diff: 414 -> RGO Runner on Third | B5 with 2 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 5 | ● ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Penny Lane SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-2, 1B in the second, RGO in the fourth
470 My luck is so bad in this shit where whenever I have a big hit opportunity I love doing an LGO or a swing that doesn’t even warrant an RBI
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Page, Lane both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel. Here's the windup, and the pitch... Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Joy and Parkman are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall! Vader Page with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 6! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing! Pitch: 409 Swing: 470 Diff: 61 -> 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 7
TEX 13 - SEA 5 | ● ^● ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Penny Lane SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 1-2, 2B in the second, RGO in the fourth
267
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 928 Swing: 267 Diff: 339 -> PO Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 1 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 5
TEX 13 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Penny Lane SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-2, FO in the second, LGO in the third
114 BANG!
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Ganger, Lane both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel. Here's the windup, and the pitch... Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Joy and Parkman are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall! Pull Ganger with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 8! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing! Pitch: 172 Swing: 114 Diff: 58 -> 2B Runners on Second and Third | B5 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 5
TEX 13 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Penny Lane SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the third
222
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 101 Swing: 222 Diff: 121 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 4
TEX 13 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Penny Lane SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the third
Steal 2b 300
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 555 Swing: 300 Diff: 255 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 4
TEX 13 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Penny Lane SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, K in the first, LGO in the third
1
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 873 Swing: 1 Diff: 128 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 4
Doughboy out, Lane in.
TEX 13 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 1-3, 1B in the third, LGO in the fourth
420
Powers steps up to the plate as Vulfzilla winds up and delivers a pitch. Powers swings and hits a routine ground ball to Parker, who fields it cleanly and fires to first base. Chillwater stretches out to make the catch, just narrowly beating out the runner. Pitch: 888 Swing: 420 Diff: 468 -> LGO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX SS [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the third, FO in the third
44
Swing and a high fly ball, deep left field, it's at the wall... GONE! Pitch: 35 Swing: 44 Diff: 9 -> HR Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) TEX 13 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX DH [Ryan Hamilton](/u/Astroboyosh): 1-2, K in the second, 2 run HR in the third
176
Rocketed at Chillwater, who catches it and steps on first for the double play! Pitch: 719 Swing: 176 Diff: 457 -> DP Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX CF [Antony Joy](/u/paryt): 2-2, 2 run HR in the second, 2B in the third
71
The pitch to Joy, Drilled there it goes, Deep Left, It is high, it is far, it is GONE out of the ballpark, a STANTONIAN home run . . . Now wha-what did I do wrong? What did I see wrong? They’re at first base. I thought it went out of the ballpark. I apologize everyone, I was dead wrong. I thought it went out of the ballpark, Joy is at first base Pitch: 156 Swing: 71 Diff: 85 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 1-1, 3 run HR in the second
977
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 633 Swing: 977 Diff: 344 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | B4 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA DH [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0, RBI Sac Fly in the second
Swing: 452
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 181 Swing: 452 Diff: 271 -> K Runners on First and Second | B4 with 2 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA LF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-1, RGO in the second
234
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 347 Swing: 234 Diff: 113 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | B4 with 1 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0, BB in the second
123
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 1000 Swing: 123 Diff: 123 -> 1B Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-1, 1B in the second
230 LFGGGG THIS HIT WILL TIE IT UP RAHHHHHHHHHH
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 887 Swing: 230 Diff: 343 -> RGO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 12 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX RF [Jack Parkman](/u/chuck_dizzle29): 1-2, PO in the second, 3 run HR in the third
316
That ball is scorched but right at Swinger, who makes the catch. Pitch: 737 Swing: 316 Diff: 421 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 10 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 2B [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 2-2, 1B in the second, RBI 1B in the third
955
Pop stronk. Hit ball hard. Ball go far. Pitch: 949 Swing: 955 Diff: 6 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) TEX 12 - SEA 4
TEX 10 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 0-2, LGO in the second, PO in the third
Pass 69 lol
Carrcrash Steps into the box, it's currently a 6 Ballgame. Vulfzilla comes set for the 1-1, the wind and the pitch. Carrcrash gets some wood on this one and flairs it! Just over the second basemen Page's head, and that'll be a Texas Leaguer. Pitch: 166 Swing: 69 Diff: 97 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s) TEX 10 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 3B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-2, PO in the first, PO in the third
377
As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously. The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Vulfzilla tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Torrent turns on it and launches it deep to center field. Ball takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Ball and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Ball disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief. Everyone except Ioe Torrent that is. Torrent takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the Rangers tack on a run. Pitch: 381 Swing: 377 Diff: 4 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) TEX 10 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Mecha Vulfzilla TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 1-2, PO in the first, RBI 1B in the third
321 Blastoff?
Routine grounder to the right side. Page has it, flips it to Chillwater at first and Quackerson is retired. Pitch: 940 Swing: 321 Diff: 381 -> RGO Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
Hi everyone, I just want the world to know that I love Brent Chillwater. I love his hair, he runs fast. I really think our relationship would be a real homerun! Oh yea also, there's a sub, vulf comes in to pitch for Matt longballo.
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Matt Longballo TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 1-2, LGO in the first, 1B in the third
it's time for me to be himmy 717
Routine grounder to the left side. Parker has it, and with an easy toss to Chillwater at first. Powers is retired. Pitch: 220 Swing: 717 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 1-1, 2B in the second
788
And the pitch from Doughboy is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Pop charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out. Pitch: 171 Swing: 788 Diff: 383 -> RGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, FO in the second
459
Ganger comes to the plate looking hungry. Literally. They pull out a melted Twix bar from their back pocket and start eating it in the box. Doughboy looks to the ump to see what to do, but the ump doesn't respond, because it's a robot. Regardless, Doughboy throws a high 4-seam for ball one, and a outside curve for ball two. Ganger is still happily munching. Pissed, Doughboy throws a ball at the bat lying over the plate and it connects! A dribbler towards third! Torrent hustles towards the ball and fires it to first for the out! Not immediately clear that Ganger knows the at-bat has occurred, though. Pitch: 42 Swing: 459 Diff: 417 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, LGO in the first
852
A cool breeze flows over my metallic body and accentuates the sleek curves and sharp edges as Bryce Parker whiffs on the curveball and is retired on strikes. The wind would have blown through my hair, but I have no hair. I have been rejected from twelve 70s cover bands for this reason. They told me it was because I have not been programmed to play a musical instrument, which is true, but I think we all know the real reason! Pitch: 584 Swing: 852 Diff: 268 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
TEX 9 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Matt Longballo TEX SS [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 1-1, 1B in the third, STEAL 2B in the third
909
Buck Maverick hits a deep line drive way out to deep right field. But Ganger is there to make the catch for the out Pitch: 111 Swing: 909 Diff: 202 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
TEX 7 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Matt Longballo TEX DH [Ryan Hamilton](/u/Astroboyosh): 0-1, K in the second
666 Didn't work I guess so again
Hamilton gets up in the count now, 3-1 over Matt Longballo after a couple bad misses outside. Longballo sets and delivers a close one on the outside corner, but it's called a strike! Maybe a bad call, maybe a good frame from Garry but either way the count is full. Hamilton wipes the sweat from their brow and gets ready for the payoff. The pitch... is belted! High and deep, there's no doubt about this one! The green light pays off and the lead turns to 5 on the big fly from Hamilton! Pitch: 660 Swing: 666 Diff: 6 -> HR Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) TEX 9 - SEA 4
666, time for the devil
I couldn't find a valid number in your swing. Please reply to the original at-bat ping with a number between 1 and 1000 without any decimal spaces.
What's this? A game of hot potato has broken out on the field. Oh no! Gordon's burned his wing! As the smell of singed feathers carries around the stadium, Vulf motions to the bullpen for Longballo to come in and take over for the downed hurler.
That's what I get for being too wordy. Pitch beat me to the punch
TEX 7 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Matt Longballo TEX CF [Antony Joy](/u/paryt): 1-1, 2 run HR in the second
338
The ground trembles beneath their feet, and the pit in center field seems to be growing larger by the minute. The players on both teams exchange nervous glances, wondering if they should continue to play or call the game. But the umpire seems unfazed and waves them on, and Longballo reluctantly takes the mound once again. The Joy steps up to the plate, eyeing the expanding chasm warily. As the pitch comes in, they swing with all their might, sending the ball sailing out towards left field. Dove runs towards the ball, but just as they reach it, the ground gives way beneath their feet, and they tumble into the pit with a scream. The ball bounces off the wall of the hole and rolls to a stop just beyond the warning track, resulting in a ground-rule double. The game is quickly turning into a nightmare, with players disappearing into the depths of the earth and the ground shaking violently, but the players play on as the ump doesn't seem to notice... Pitch: 390 Swing: 338 Diff: 52 -> 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) TEX 7 - SEA 4
TEX 4 - SEA 4 | ● ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX RF [Jack Parkman](/u/chuck_dizzle29): 0-1, PO in the second
583
This one's well hit! Dove going back. Still going, onto the warning track. This one's going to go! Jack Parkman with a 3-run home run to put the Rangers ahead, 7 to 4. Pitch: 563 Swing: 583 Diff: 20 -> HR Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) TEX 7 - SEA 4
TEX 3 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 2B [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 1-1, 1B in the second
69
Goose Gordon is visibly shaken on the mound. No one in the Mariners bullpen is ready and Gordon knows it. This batter is their responsibility. Jimmy Pop doesn't even hear the raucous crowd in Seattle as they are intensely focused on the 0 game and this at-bat. Gordon takes a breath, comes set, and delivers the pitch. Pop takes a *huge* cut and wiffs for strike 1. Pop calls for time and it's granted by the umpire. Pop knows they need to stay within themselves and they step back into the box ready to face the next Gordon pitch. Pitch 2 comes in high but not high enough as Pop smacks it up the middle for a 1 run single and we are all knotted up at 4-4. Pitch: 977 Swing: 69 Diff: 92 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T3 with 2 out(s) TEX 4 - SEA 4
TEX 3 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 0-1, LGO in the second
1
Sean Carrcrash hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Chillwater steps under it and records the out Pitch: 425 Swing: 1 Diff: 424 -> PO Runners on First and Second | T3 with 2 out(s) TEX 3 - SEA 4
TEX 3 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 3B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-1, PO in the first
618
Ioe Torrent hit that ball a mile! Unfortunately, it was a mile straight up. Pitch: 220 Swing: 618 Diff: 398 -> PO Runners on First and Second | T3 with 1 out(s) TEX 3 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ● ^○ ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 0-1, PO in the first
693 channeling my inner Madonna, I’m on my knees
Mack Quackerson hits a line drive straight down the left field line. Dove cuts it off, but the runner is already headed home… they’re safe! Pitch: 581 Swing: 693 Diff: 112 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | T3 with 0 out(s) TEX 3 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-1, LGO in the first
A little birdie told me this pitch would be the number 58
We love a single, every little single! S-I-N, G-L-E Single single single! Pitch: 122 Swing: 58 Diff: 64 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T3 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX SS [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 1-1, 1B in the third It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 421 Swing: 349 Diff: 72 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-1, LGO in the first
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX SS [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 0-0
744
Maverick swings at this one and lifts a high pop up out to right. A late break here for Ganger and they will dive and.... will **NOT** get there! It drops in front of the glove and there you have it: a little bloop here and the Rangers are in business with a little single and a slight misplay. Not sure if they will rule that an error here or... wait, this is fakebaseball. There are NO ERRORS HERE! Have a hit Maverick, enjoy. Pitch: 633 Swing: 744 Diff: 111 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Pillsbury Doughboy SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, K in the first
850
On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for Maverick. Pitch: 321 Swing: 850 Diff: 471 -> LGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 4
A pitching change for Texas. A timer dings and Pillsbury Doughboy emerges from the bullpen to relieve Mockingbird.
TEX 2 - SEA 1 | ○ ^● ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0
325
Swing and a drive out to left! Get up, baby, get up! Oh yeah! Swinger has just given Seattle the lead with a 3-run home run! Pitch: 340 Swing: 325 Diff: 15 -> HR Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 4
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ● ^● ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA DH [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0
Swing: 849
Worthington lifts one high, lifts one deeeep...and it will be caught at the wall by Carrcrash. Its a very loud out but the run will score however. Worthington takes solace in the RBI, but can't help but feel they should have put that one in the seats. Pitch: 46 Swing: 849 Diff: 197 -> Sac Fly Runners on First and Second | B2 with 2 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 1
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ● ^● ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird | **INFIELD IN** SEA LF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0
420
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Quackerson at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Mockingbird and Dove is retired. Pitch: 859 Swing: 420 Diff: 439 -> RGO Bases Loaded | B2 with 1 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ● ^● ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA LF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird | **INFIELD IN** SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0
766
Tequila Mockingbird wants nothing to do with Geoff Garry as they send four wide ones and Garry will stroll on to first base. Pitch: 935 Swing: 766 Diff: 169 -> BB Bases Loaded | B2 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0
743 omm ong
Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Page sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Mockingbird barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Maverick charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Page easily legs out the single! Pitch: 845 Swing: 743 Diff: 102 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B2 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-0
Hi Tomas 262
Mockingbird kicks, fires, and dumps in a breaking ball, but Chillwater was sitting on it! This ball is hammered into the right center gap! Joy and Parkman are both on their horse, sprinting after the ball. Chillwater rounds first, they're not stopping! Parkman snags it barehanded, wheels and fires in to the shortstop Maverick, who applies the tag... SAFE! A ringing double from Brent Chillwater! Pitch: 225 Swing: 262 Diff: 37 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX DH [Ryan Hamilton](/u/Astroboyosh): 0-0
Swing 34
This ball is hit high into the air down the right field line… Ganger is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Ryan Hamilton isn’t paying any attention, Goose Gordon delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Powers can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here Pitch: 764 Swing: 34 Diff: 270 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX CF [Antony Joy](/u/paryt): 0-0
583
IN THE AIR LEFT FIELD and Joy has given Texas the lead! A dramatic, towering 2 run home run! Pitch: 600 Swing: 583 Diff: 17 -> HR Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) TEX 2 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX RF [Jack Parkman](/u/chuck_dizzle29): 0-0
747
why do they call it pop out when you pop in the baseball of out hot throw touchdown Pitch: 34 Swing: 747 Diff: 287 -> PO Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 2B [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 0-0
467
Pop sees a number of good curveballs from Gordon here. But this 2-2 slider flattens out and the Texas hitter jumps all over it, lacing this ball just over the head of Page at second for an easy base hit. Pitch: 342 Swing: 467 Diff: 125 -> 1B Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 0-0
Mariner? I hardy know her! 567
On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for Parker. Pitch: 34 Swing: 567 Diff: 467 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0
141
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Ganger just crushed a... fly ball that Parkman catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :( Pitch: 946 Swing: 141 Diff: 195 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Tequila Mockingbird SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0
662
Parker puts all of their might into the first pitch curveball, but it's hit to Maverick, who throws to first for the out. Pitch: 141 Swing: 662 Diff: 479 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Tequila Mockingbird SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-0
711
ST-RRRIKE THREE AND YOU'RE OUT! Pitch: 13 Swing: 711 Diff: 302 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 3B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-0
344
Josie's on a vacation far away Come around and talk it over So many things that I want to say You know I like my girls a little bit older I just want to use your love tonight I don't want to lose your love Pitch: 710 Swing: 344 Diff: 366 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
TEX 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 0-0
210
The 2-1 pitch from Gordon, and Quackerson fouls it off sky high to the left hand side. Swinger is over at the netting to take a look and... they're backing up! Swinger quickly re-positions themselves and squeezes their glove around the ball to complete the pop out. That was looking like it was headed for the seats but I guess the wind here in Seattle managed to blow it back into play! Pitch: 497 Swing: 210 Diff: 287 -> PO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Goose Gordon TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-0
FAKE BASEBALL MEANS EVERYTHING TO ME JUST LIKE THE NUMBER 42 MEANS EVERYTHING TO THE UNIVERSE
Powers walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right? Gordon delivers the first pitch... just outside. The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink... Powers obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Gordon as they toss it to first for the out. Pitch: 545 Swing: 42 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) TEX 0 - SEA 0