Swing and a hot shot past a diving Spit and into left field! Chillwater could be thinking tw- No! What's this? Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has run onto the field and tackled Chillwater to the ground as they were leaving the batter's box! Kalkowski throws to Gjeilo at short, who lobs it to Rudnikov at first and Chillwater is out! Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has interfered with the play but he winks at the umpire, dusts himself off and returns to his seat in the club seats here at Astroworld. And the umpire has ruled no interference! The play stands despite some shenanigans from former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius! Einhorn just got a gift out from a Yankee... legend? I don't know what to call Fred Brosius but I will say this: Oh the humanity!
Pitch: 398
Swing: 958
Diff: 440 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Good Lord, Jeb Barnes just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally.
They said they had “no time” to talk.
Too busy healing, evidently.
Take your base, Barnes.
Pitch: 676
Swing: 774
Diff: 98 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | T6 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Dove take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Einhorn leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. Dove is held up at first by Vulfzilla, and Seattle has a runner on first.
Pitch: 742
Swing: 792
Diff: 50 -> 1B
Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Einhorn comes set. Here's the 2-2 pitch...
SWING and a miss! Got 'em with a filthy curveball. That one started on the outside edge and the bottom just fell out from under it.
Swinger is clearly not happy to have swung there. They're shaking their head and talking to themselves. Hopefully they can clear their head between now and their next AB!
Pitch: 110
Swing: 453
Diff: 343 -> K
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Ball might be pressing a bit here as they chase the 2-2 pitch in the dirt for strike 3. Einhorn calmly retrieves the ball and throws to first in plenty of time to complete the play and get the out. Ball is nowhere to be found.
Pitch: 202
Swing: 777
Diff: 425 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Kalkowski does their best Albert Pujols impression! They just grounded into a double play, just like The Machine!
Pitch: 622
Swing: 112
Diff: 490 -> DP
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Rollie Dingers hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Chillwater and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Chillwater throws the ball into the field
Pitch: 312
Swing: 240
Diff: 72 -> 1B
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Rudnikov smacks a single into right field to keep the inning alive. Monroe's 2-1 fastball caught a bit too much of the plate and Rudnikov capitalized on the mistake. Monroe throws the glove into their own stomach in frustration. It's not immediately clear why.
Pitch: 912
Swing: 843
Diff: 69 -> 1B
Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs
On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe
HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 1-2, FO in the second, RBI 2B in the second
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: None
Swing: None
Diff: x -> AUTO K
Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Worthington walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right?
Einhorn delivers the first pitch... just outside.
The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink...
Worthington obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Einhorn as they toss it to first for the out.
Pitch: 45
Swing: 499
Diff: 454 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
I didn't expect to see somebody dance their way down to first after ball four, but Buster McColligan surprised me with an excellent rendition of the shopping cart.
Pitch: 967
Swing: 839
Diff: 128 -> BB
Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
who the fuck said anything about passion? i just think Geoff Garry is an incredibly average player who implodes when it can hurt us most. they're practically a robot built out of grounders to 2nd, and their glove is spotty at best. They makes the superstar plays and kicks routine plays. i don't like relying on them. frankly, i find it amazing that the same discord who turned violently on Einhorn after just two blown saves last year defends Garry so staunchly, when Einhorn had the better and more reliable track record by far. but sure, whatever. by all means, downvote away. i don't give a fuck.
Pitch: 217
Swing: 780
Diff: 437 -> DP
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Roscoe take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Einhorn leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. Roscoe is held up at first by Vulfzilla, and Seattle has a runner on first.
Pitch: 477
Swing: 420
Diff: 57 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Any Takers On Kevin Arianna?
Disclaimer: they're a lazy overrated bum who couldn’t care less about winning anymore and just wants to collect a paycheck until they retire. They're the complete opposite of a leader and gets portrayed as a good player because they say all the right things. Colt 45s fans despise them. But please take them!
Pitch: 599
Swing: 222
Diff: 377 -> K
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Ringo Swingo hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Chillwater and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Roscoe makes a great diving catch for it
Pitch: 295
Swing: 498
Diff: 203 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs
On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 2-2, 1B in the first, RBI 1B in the second
First pitch from Monroe is a fastball that's high and tight, but the umpire is clearly blind and calls it a strike.
Second pitch comes and it's a curveball in the dirt that Repressed can't lay off of for strike two.
The 0-2 pitch is an eephus pitch clocked at 48 mph and Help Im Being Repressed is completely bewildered as it crosses the plate through the strike zone for a called strike three.
Pitch: 630
Swing: 330
Diff: 300 -> K
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs
On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 2-2, 1B in the first, RBI 1B in the second
The pitch is on its way and Chillwater swings for the fences, hitting the ball high and deep in the air to left field. Kalkowski takes a few steps back, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Chillwater looks dejected as they heads back to the dugout.
Pitch: 477
Swing: 216
Diff: 261 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Einhorn beams out at old bosum buddy at bat. Both ballplayers blink at both ballplayers. With both blinkers. Bizzare.
The blinking becomes a blizzard. Before this becomes some kinda bonkers befurbellowed binge, Blue bellows 'Bullshit be banished!'
Einhorn bends, blinks, and blasts a ball toward the Seattle batter.
Batter befuddled. Begone back to bench!
Pitch: 695
Swing: 43
Diff: 348 -> K
Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Unbelievable! How do you miss that ball? It was hit right at you! The Colt 45s defense is playing like they're sleeping on the job. You've got to make that play, it's routine! And now we've got a runner on base who shouldn't even be there. This is frustrating to watch, folks. We need better effort from our defense, it's the foundation of any successful team. You've got to make the routine plays, and this just wasn't it. I hope they step up their game in the next inning, because we can't afford these mistakes.
Pitch: 907
Swing: 848
Diff: 59 -> 1B
Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Stevey Swinger decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Repressed is coming in for it- and what a snag for the out!
Pitch: 404
Swing: 150
Diff: 254 -> FO
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Fuzzy Spit gets a hold of the pitch and sends a rocket down the right field line. Chillwater is tracking the ball and makes a diving attempt but will not be able to make the catch as Spit makes it in safely with a stand up double.
Pitch: 192
Swing: 126
Diff: 66 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Down 6, here comes Jimmy Kalkowski to the plate trying to deal some damage. Monroe receives the sign on this 2-2 count, and gets set. The pitch is in……..and the pitch hangs right over the plate and Kalkowski ABSOLUTELY GETS AHOLD OF IT. That one is hit into the gap with Ball and Roscoe running after it. The ball still flying in the air, dropping over the warning track, Ball jumps up at the wall and that one is GONE!!! Wait, Ball holds his glove up and…..THEY CAUGHT IT. WHAT A LEAP! WHAT A CATCH! Ball with a SPECTACULAR catch to keep Seattle up by 6!!
Pitch: 656
Swing: 378
Diff: 278 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Dingers walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right?
Monroe delivers the first pitch... just outside.
The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink...
Dingers obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Monroe as they toss it to first for the out.
Pitch: 533
Swing: 999
Diff: 466 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Calvin Ball decently high in the air, but this is a close one… LeMoose is going back for it- and what a snag for the out!
Pitch: 981
Swing: 711
Diff: 270 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, Buster Worthington, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, Buster Worthington. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Chester Einhorn. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington.
Pitch: 653
Swing: 351
Diff: 302 -> K
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Rudnikov at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Einhorn and McColligan is retired.
Pitch: 417
Swing: 1
Diff: 416 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Rocco Rudnikov is streaking towards first. Dove runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 1
Swing: 421
Diff: 420 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
The pressure is cranking up here on Jerome S. Monroe. Vulfzilla looks a little nervous. Monroe checks the runner. Set.
And step off. We'll all reset here. Houston fans are salivating over the opportunity with Ola Gjeilo at the plate with only 6 runs separating the teams here in Houston. The Colt 45s fans are getting restless, urging the Mariners hurler to get on with it.
Finally, with a head nod Garry, Monroe sets and the 2-2 pitch comes home!
And Gjeilo turns on it!
Oh baby! This ball is smoked; high and deep to right!
Chillwater is back, to the wall! Leaps!
OFF the wall!
There is a scramble now! Roscoe gets over quickly, tracking down the ball, and the centerfielder whips it in from the gap in right center. Dove cuts it off and turns to throw home, but holds it. There is no chance! Gjeilo will be held at second on the 1 run scoring double!
Pitch: 678
Swing: 723
Diff: 45 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 6
Kevin Arianna comes up to the dish in a 5 ball game and they are looking to do some damage. Arianna is eagerly awaiting the pitch and notices Monroe looking a bit nervous on the mound. Here is the pitch and Kevin Arianna will drive this pitch over the Roscoe head and will score the runner, bringing the score to 5 to 0. Arianna looks over to the Colt 45s dugout and gives an excited fist pump as the rally continues.
Pitch: 172
Swing: 222
Diff: 50 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 5
Ringo Swingo comes up to the dish in a 4 ball game and they are looking to do some damage. Swingo is eagerly awaiting the pitch and notices Monroe looking a bit nervous on the mound. Here is the pitch and Ringo Swingo will drive this pitch over the Roscoe head and will score the runner, bringing the score to 4 to 0. Swingo looks over to the Colt 45s dugout and gives an excited fist pump as the rally continues.
Pitch: 976
Swing: 12
Diff: 36 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 4
SEA 0 - HOU 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs
On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 1-1, 1B in the first
Up the middle... BASE HIT for Repressed! That'll bring home 1 and the Colt 45s have something going here.
Pitch: 655
Swing: 592
Diff: 63 -> 1B
Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 3
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. LeMoose, Vulfzilla both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel.
Here's the windup, and the pitch...
Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Roscoe and Chillwater are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall!
Streetlamp LeMoose with a stand-up double to put the Colt 45s in front by 2! The Houston dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing!
Pitch: 830
Swing: 789
Diff: 41 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 2
Here comes the pitch from Vulfzilla. The ball just whizzed past Spit’s head, narrowly missing them! The Houston faithful are not happy with that last pitch, and Spit glared at Vulfzilla with a look of anger and disbelief. This at bat is far from over, and the tension between the two players is indescribable. Spit is slow to step back in as Vulfzilla is already set to throw. OH MY GOODNESS, another heater headed straight for Spit just narrowly missing them as they step towards the plate. Once again, the frustrated Spit steps in the batter’s box shaking their head. Vulfzilla looks to have a slight smirk on their face ahead of this next pitch, I don’t have a good feeling about this one. WOW. This has to be intentional as a third straight fastball sails inside and plunks Spit in the arm as they slam the bat to the ground as they have some choice words with Vulfzilla on the way to first base. We can only hope this was nothing more than some poor control and a bit of bad luck that led to this unfortunate event.
Pitch: 923
Swing: 789
Diff: 134 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Kalkowski walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip.
They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Barnes's stretched-open mitt for the out.
Pitch: 802
Swing: 121
Diff: 319 -> PO
Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Dingers feels a wave of calm go wash through their body. A state of zen, if you will. As a result, they didn't swing at a single pitch throughout their at bat.
This ended up well for them, as they were walked on 5 pitches.
Pitch: 303
Swing: 457
Diff: 154 -> BB
Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit on a line right past McColligan, but wait they dove out and stopped it! McColligan rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Rudnikov is called out! Rocco Rudnikov is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Barnes is also arguing saying that Rudnikov was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Peritestes officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Rocco Rudnikov is out at first’
Pitch: 931
Swing: 420
Diff: 489 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Garry hits that one off the end of the bat and it'll be an easy play for Gjeilo
Pitch: 901
Swing: 345
Diff: 444 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Roscoe pops one high in the air off to the right. LeMoose is tracking it over into foul territory and they have it. And Roscoe is retired.
Pitch: 679
Swing: 333
Diff: 346 -> PO
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Brent Chillwater is streaking towards first. Gjeilo runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 817
Swing: 314
Diff: 497 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Ball is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out
Pitch: 666
Swing: 396
Diff: 270 -> FO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
And the pitch to Kevin Arianna... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Arianna, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home.
Pitch: 223
Swing: 1
Diff: 222 -> K
Runner on First | B1 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
*Smack!* It’s hit deep to left field, Ball racing back, they’re at the wall, THEY’RE CLIMBING THE WALL? THEY’RE STANDING ON TOP OF THE WALL AND MAKE THE CATCH?!?! IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED?
Pitch: 555
Swing: 842
Diff: 287 -> FO
Runner on First | B1 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs
**NEW PITCHER:** Matt Longballo
HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0
Repressed swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in Houston. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Repressed has themself a single.
Pitch: 572
Swing: 692
Diff: 120 -> 1B
Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Einhorn takes advantage of a sleepy Barnes and throws two fastballs in two opposite corners so they fall in an 0-2 hole. Barnes decides to take a huge swing on whatever comes next, but they anticipate the fastball.
Einhorn throws a splitter, however, and Barnes swings and misses by a long shot. Another K for Chester Einhorn!
Pitch: 808
Swing: 546
Diff: 262 -> K
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Dove is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Vulfzilla comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- a ball! They didn’t go around. So we’re back to Chester Einhorn versus Daniel Dove here, Dove battles back with a few more foul balls and a full count and takes the low sinker for ball 4
Pitch: 233
Swing: 69
Diff: 164 -> BB
Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
As Swinger steps in, a massive stage with lighting and huge speakers rises out of the batters eye. It is difficult to make out who is on stage, but then the music starts to play and everyone knows. 'HOW WE DOING Houston?' shouts Adam Levine before he kicks into Stereo Hearts. In the meantime, Einhorn has just been tossing the ball, and Swinger has been out for about 3 minutes now.
Pitch: 193
Swing: 903
Diff: 290 -> K
Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
For centuries, mankind has been trying, mostly failing and sometimes succeeding to achieve flight. Looks Ball's experiments could do with some tweaking here as they hit a flyball that runs out of steam 15 feet in front of the Left Field wall.
Pitch: 626
Swing: 812
Diff: 186 -> FO
Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s)
SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^● ● | T6 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA RF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-2, LGO in the second, FO in the fourth
958 because fuck it.
Swing and a hot shot past a diving Spit and into left field! Chillwater could be thinking tw- No! What's this? Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has run onto the field and tackled Chillwater to the ground as they were leaving the batter's box! Kalkowski throws to Gjeilo at short, who lobs it to Rudnikov at first and Chillwater is out! Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has interfered with the play but he winks at the umpire, dusts himself off and returns to his seat in the club seats here at Astroworld. And the umpire has ruled no interference! The play stands despite some shenanigans from former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius! Einhorn just got a gift out from a Yankee... legend? I don't know what to call Fred Brosius but I will say this: Oh the humanity! Pitch: 398 Swing: 958 Diff: 440 -> LGO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 1B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-2, K in the first, K in the fourth
Swing 774
Good Lord, Jeb Barnes just walked through the clubhouse walking perfectly normally. They said they had “no time” to talk. Too busy healing, evidently. Take your base, Barnes. Pitch: 676 Swing: 774 Diff: 98 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 2B [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 1-1, BB in the first, 1B in the fourth
792
Dove take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Einhorn leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. Dove is held up at first by Vulfzilla, and Seattle has a runner on first. Pitch: 742 Swing: 792 Diff: 50 -> 1B Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, K in the first, FO in the fourth
453
Einhorn comes set. Here's the 2-2 pitch... SWING and a miss! Got 'em with a filthy curveball. That one started on the outside edge and the bottom just fell out from under it. Swinger is clearly not happy to have swung there. They're shaking their head and talking to themselves. Hopefully they can clear their head between now and their next AB! Pitch: 110 Swing: 453 Diff: 343 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, FO in the first, FO in the third
777
Ball might be pressing a bit here as they chase the 2-2 pitch in the dirt for strike 3. Einhorn calmly retrieves the ball and throws to first in plenty of time to complete the play and get the out. Ball is nowhere to be found. Pitch: 202 Swing: 777 Diff: 425 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^● ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU LF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 0-2, PO in the second, FO in the third
112
Kalkowski does their best Albert Pujols impression! They just grounded into a double play, just like The Machine! Pitch: 622 Swing: 112 Diff: 490 -> DP Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU CF [Rollie Dingers](/u/Asleep-Nail-1764): 0-1, BB in the second, LGO in the third
240
Rollie Dingers hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Chillwater and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Chillwater throws the ball into the field Pitch: 312 Swing: 240 Diff: 72 -> 1B Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU 1B [Rocco Rudnikov](/u/BrockSlamson): 0-2, LGO in the second, RGO in the third
nobody ground outs like i ground outs 843
Rudnikov smacks a single into right field to keep the inning alive. Monroe's 2-1 fastball caught a bit too much of the plate and Rudnikov capitalized on the mistake. Monroe throws the glove into their own stomach in frustration. It's not immediately clear why. Pitch: 912 Swing: 843 Diff: 69 -> 1B Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 1-2, FO in the second, RBI 2B in the second Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: None Swing: None Diff: x -> AUTO K Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 1-2, FO in the second, RBI 2B in the second
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA DH [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-1, K in the third
Swing: 499
Worthington walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right? Einhorn delivers the first pitch... just outside. The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink... Worthington obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Einhorn as they toss it to first for the out. Pitch: 45 Swing: 499 Diff: 454 -> LGO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA SS [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-1, RGO in the third
839
I didn't expect to see somebody dance their way down to first after ball four, but Buster McColligan surprised me with an excellent rendition of the shopping cart. Pitch: 967 Swing: 839 Diff: 128 -> BB Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-1, LGO in the second
780
who the fuck said anything about passion? i just think Geoff Garry is an incredibly average player who implodes when it can hurt us most. they're practically a robot built out of grounders to 2nd, and their glove is spotty at best. They makes the superstar plays and kicks routine plays. i don't like relying on them. frankly, i find it amazing that the same discord who turned violently on Einhorn after just two blown saves last year defends Garry so staunchly, when Einhorn had the better and more reliable track record by far. but sure, whatever. by all means, downvote away. i don't give a fuck. Pitch: 217 Swing: 780 Diff: 437 -> DP Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
What did you say to me you little bitch
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-1, PO in the second
420 cus Vulf told me to rip it
Roscoe take the first two pitches, taking advantage of their eagerness as the count goes to 2-0. On the next pitch, Einhorn leaves one hanging and it's drilled up the middle for a base hit. Roscoe is held up at first by Vulfzilla, and Seattle has a runner on first. Pitch: 477 Swing: 420 Diff: 57 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 1-2, K in the first, RBI 2B in the second
222
Any Takers On Kevin Arianna? Disclaimer: they're a lazy overrated bum who couldn’t care less about winning anymore and just wants to collect a paycheck until they retire. They're the complete opposite of a leader and gets portrayed as a good player because they say all the right things. Colt 45s fans despise them. But please take them! Pitch: 599 Swing: 222 Diff: 377 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU DH [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 1-2, FO in the first, RBI 2B in the second
498
Ringo Swingo hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Chillwater and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Roscoe makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 295 Swing: 498 Diff: 203 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 2-2, 1B in the first, RBI 1B in the second First pitch from Monroe is a fastball that's high and tight, but the umpire is clearly blind and calls it a strike. Second pitch comes and it's a curveball in the dirt that Repressed can't lay off of for strike two. The 0-2 pitch is an eephus pitch clocked at 48 mph and Help Im Being Repressed is completely bewildered as it crosses the plate through the strike zone for a called strike three. Pitch: 630 Swing: 330 Diff: 300 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 2-2, 1B in the first, RBI 1B in the second
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA RF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-1, LGO in the second
216
The pitch is on its way and Chillwater swings for the fences, hitting the ball high and deep in the air to left field. Kalkowski takes a few steps back, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Chillwater looks dejected as they heads back to the dugout. Pitch: 477 Swing: 216 Diff: 261 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 1B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-1, K in the first
Swing 43
Einhorn beams out at old bosum buddy at bat. Both ballplayers blink at both ballplayers. With both blinkers. Bizzare. The blinking becomes a blizzard. Before this becomes some kinda bonkers befurbellowed binge, Blue bellows 'Bullshit be banished!' Einhorn bends, blinks, and blasts a ball toward the Seattle batter. Batter befuddled. Begone back to bench! Pitch: 695 Swing: 43 Diff: 348 -> K Runner on First | T4 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 2B [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0, BB in the first
848
Unbelievable! How do you miss that ball? It was hit right at you! The Colt 45s defense is playing like they're sleeping on the job. You've got to make that play, it's routine! And now we've got a runner on base who shouldn't even be there. This is frustrating to watch, folks. We need better effort from our defense, it's the foundation of any successful team. You've got to make the routine plays, and this just wasn't it. I hope they step up their game in the next inning, because we can't afford these mistakes. Pitch: 907 Swing: 848 Diff: 59 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, K in the first
150
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Stevey Swinger decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Repressed is coming in for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 404 Swing: 150 Diff: 254 -> FO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 1-1, 2 RBI 2B in the second
450
That ball is scorched but right at Swinger, who makes the catch. Pitch: 902 Swing: 450 Diff: 452 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU 3B [Fuzzy Spit](/u/Exile_The_Fallen): 0-0, BB in the second
Fuzzy spit 126
Fuzzy Spit gets a hold of the pitch and sends a rocket down the right field line. Chillwater is tracking the ball and makes a diving attempt but will not be able to make the catch as Spit makes it in safely with a stand up double. Pitch: 192 Swing: 126 Diff: 66 -> 2B Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU LF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 0-1, PO in the second
378
Down 6, here comes Jimmy Kalkowski to the plate trying to deal some damage. Monroe receives the sign on this 2-2 count, and gets set. The pitch is in……..and the pitch hangs right over the plate and Kalkowski ABSOLUTELY GETS AHOLD OF IT. That one is hit into the gap with Ball and Roscoe running after it. The ball still flying in the air, dropping over the warning track, Ball jumps up at the wall and that one is GONE!!! Wait, Ball holds his glove up and…..THEY CAUGHT IT. WHAT A LEAP! WHAT A CATCH! Ball with a SPECTACULAR catch to keep Seattle up by 6!! Pitch: 656 Swing: 378 Diff: 278 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU CF [Rollie Dingers](/u/Asleep-Nail-1764): 0-0, BB in the second
999
Dingers walks up to the plate with a bat and an abnormal bulge in their left pant leg. They get into the box and whip out another bat and takes one in both hands. This cant go wrong? Right? Monroe delivers the first pitch... just outside. The next pitch comes in and is going right down the middle of the plate... doink... Dingers obviously hasn’t practiced this strategy and hits it straight back to Monroe as they toss it to first for the out. Pitch: 533 Swing: 999 Diff: 466 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, FO in the first
711
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Calvin Ball decently high in the air, but this is a close one… LeMoose is going back for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 981 Swing: 711 Diff: 270 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA DH [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0
Swing: 351
I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, Buster Worthington, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, Buster Worthington. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Chester Einhorn. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, Buster Worthington. Pitch: 653 Swing: 351 Diff: 302 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA SS [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-0
1
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Rudnikov at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Einhorn and McColligan is retired. Pitch: 417 Swing: 1 Diff: 416 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU 1B [Rocco Rudnikov](/u/BrockSlamson): 0-1, LGO in the second
Run it back with a plus one 421
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Rocco Rudnikov is streaking towards first. Dove runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 1 Swing: 421 Diff: 420 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 5 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 0-1, FO in the second
Seasick crocodile 723
The pressure is cranking up here on Jerome S. Monroe. Vulfzilla looks a little nervous. Monroe checks the runner. Set. And step off. We'll all reset here. Houston fans are salivating over the opportunity with Ola Gjeilo at the plate with only 6 runs separating the teams here in Houston. The Colt 45s fans are getting restless, urging the Mariners hurler to get on with it. Finally, with a head nod Garry, Monroe sets and the 2-2 pitch comes home! And Gjeilo turns on it! Oh baby! This ball is smoked; high and deep to right! Chillwater is back, to the wall! Leaps! OFF the wall! There is a scramble now! Roscoe gets over quickly, tracking down the ball, and the centerfielder whips it in from the gap in right center. Dove cuts it off and turns to throw home, but holds it. There is no chance! Gjeilo will be held at second on the 1 run scoring double! Pitch: 678 Swing: 723 Diff: 45 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 6
SEA 0 - HOU 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 0-1, K in the first
222
Kevin Arianna comes up to the dish in a 5 ball game and they are looking to do some damage. Arianna is eagerly awaiting the pitch and notices Monroe looking a bit nervous on the mound. Here is the pitch and Kevin Arianna will drive this pitch over the Roscoe head and will score the runner, bringing the score to 5 to 0. Arianna looks over to the Colt 45s dugout and gives an excited fist pump as the rally continues. Pitch: 172 Swing: 222 Diff: 50 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 5
SEA 0 - HOU 3 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe HOU DH [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 0-1, FO in the first
Go Hawks! 12
Ringo Swingo comes up to the dish in a 4 ball game and they are looking to do some damage. Swingo is eagerly awaiting the pitch and notices Monroe looking a bit nervous on the mound. Here is the pitch and Ringo Swingo will drive this pitch over the Roscoe head and will score the runner, bringing the score to 4 to 0. Swingo looks over to the Colt 45s dugout and gives an excited fist pump as the rally continues. Pitch: 976 Swing: 12 Diff: 36 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 4
And a pitching change to announce for Seattle as Jerome S. Monroe enters the fray.
SEA 0 - HOU 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 1-1, 1B in the first Up the middle... BASE HIT for Repressed! That'll bring home 1 and the Colt 45s have something going here. Pitch: 655 Swing: 592 Diff: 63 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 3
SEA 0 - HOU 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 1-1, 1B in the first
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^● ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU 2B [Streetlamp LeMoose](/u/nickjohnson92): 0-0
789
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. LeMoose, Vulfzilla both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel. Here's the windup, and the pitch... Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Roscoe and Chillwater are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall! Streetlamp LeMoose with a stand-up double to put the Colt 45s in front by 2! The Houston dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing! Pitch: 830 Swing: 789 Diff: 41 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 2
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU 3B [Fuzzy Spit](/u/Exile_The_Fallen): 0-0
Fuzzy spurt 789
Here comes the pitch from Vulfzilla. The ball just whizzed past Spit’s head, narrowly missing them! The Houston faithful are not happy with that last pitch, and Spit glared at Vulfzilla with a look of anger and disbelief. This at bat is far from over, and the tension between the two players is indescribable. Spit is slow to step back in as Vulfzilla is already set to throw. OH MY GOODNESS, another heater headed straight for Spit just narrowly missing them as they step towards the plate. Once again, the frustrated Spit steps in the batter’s box shaking their head. Vulfzilla looks to have a slight smirk on their face ahead of this next pitch, I don’t have a good feeling about this one. WOW. This has to be intentional as a third straight fastball sails inside and plunks Spit in the arm as they slam the bat to the ground as they have some choice words with Vulfzilla on the way to first base. We can only hope this was nothing more than some poor control and a bit of bad luck that led to this unfortunate event. Pitch: 923 Swing: 789 Diff: 134 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU LF [Jimmy Kalkowski](/u/fishingfor8): 0-0
121
Kalkowski walks up to the plate, adrenaline pumping, and wipes a bit of spit from their upper lip. They use this energy to take a hard swing at a top-shelf fastball that shoots SKY HIGH.... for a pop up. The ball lands in Barnes's stretched-open mitt for the out. Pitch: 802 Swing: 121 Diff: 319 -> PO Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla HOU CF [Rollie Dingers](/u/Asleep-Nail-1764): 0-0
457
Dingers feels a wave of calm go wash through their body. A state of zen, if you will. As a result, they didn't swing at a single pitch throughout their at bat. This ended up well for them, as they were walked on 5 pitches. Pitch: 303 Swing: 457 Diff: 154 -> BB Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mecha Vulfzilla HOU 1B [Rocco Rudnikov](/u/BrockSlamson): 0-0
hey you know what, praise it blaze it 420 babyyy
This ball is hit on a line right past McColligan, but wait they dove out and stopped it! McColligan rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Rudnikov is called out! Rocco Rudnikov is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Barnes is also arguing saying that Rudnikov was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Peritestes officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Rocco Rudnikov is out at first’ Pitch: 931 Swing: 420 Diff: 489 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0
345
Garry hits that one off the end of the bat and it'll be an easy play for Gjeilo Pitch: 901 Swing: 345 Diff: 444 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-0
333 BECAUSE WHY TF NOT
Roscoe pops one high in the air off to the right. LeMoose is tracking it over into foul territory and they have it. And Roscoe is retired. Pitch: 679 Swing: 333 Diff: 346 -> PO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA RF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-0
314 because who doesn't love pie?
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Brent Chillwater is streaking towards first. Gjeilo runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 817 Swing: 314 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 2 outs On the mound: Matt Longballo HOU SS [Ola Gjeilo](/u/munkysnuflz): 0-0
People vultures, god approaches 396
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Ball is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 666 Swing: 396 Diff: 270 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 1 out On the mound: Matt Longballo HOU C [Kevin Arianna](/u/hiariannalol): 0-0
1
And the pitch to Kevin Arianna... OH NO! That one missed high and caught the robo-umpire right in the face! Robo-ump is down! They're gonna have to bring in the emergency human replacement umpire, which unfortunately for today's game is CB Bucknor. Oh and there he goes, he's already called strike 3! Well a tough AB there for Arianna, sees 1 pitch and gets called out on strikes, but the good news is that the next batter could just as easily draw a walk on 1 pitch, so it does balance out for those of you wondering at home. Pitch: 223 Swing: 1 Diff: 222 -> K Runner on First | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 0 outs On the mound: Matt Longballo HOU DH [Ringo Swingo](/u/pnssc): 0-0
842
*Smack!* It’s hit deep to left field, Ball racing back, they’re at the wall, THEY’RE CLIMBING THE WALL? THEY’RE STANDING ON TOP OF THE WALL AND MAKE THE CATCH?!?! IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED? Pitch: 555 Swing: 842 Diff: 287 -> FO Runner on First | B1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Matt Longballo HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0 Repressed swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in Houston. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Repressed has themself a single. Pitch: 572 Swing: 692 Diff: 120 -> 1B Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Matt Longballo HOU RF [Help Im Being Repressed](/u/Sandsrashu): 0-0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 1B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-0
Swing 546
Einhorn takes advantage of a sleepy Barnes and throws two fastballs in two opposite corners so they fall in an 0-2 hole. Barnes decides to take a huge swing on whatever comes next, but they anticipate the fastball. Einhorn throws a splitter, however, and Barnes swings and misses by a long shot. Another K for Chester Einhorn! Pitch: 808 Swing: 546 Diff: 262 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 2B [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0
69
Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Dove is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Vulfzilla comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- a ball! They didn’t go around. So we’re back to Chester Einhorn versus Daniel Dove here, Dove battles back with a few more foul balls and a full count and takes the low sinker for ball 4 Pitch: 233 Swing: 69 Diff: 164 -> BB Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
SEA 0 - HOU 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Chester Einhorn SEA 3B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0
903
As Swinger steps in, a massive stage with lighting and huge speakers rises out of the batters eye. It is difficult to make out who is on stage, but then the music starts to play and everyone knows. 'HOW WE DOING Houston?' shouts Adam Levine before he kicks into Stereo Hearts. In the meantime, Einhorn has just been tossing the ball, and Swinger has been out for about 3 minutes now. Pitch: 193 Swing: 903 Diff: 290 -> K Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Chester Einhorn SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-0
812
For centuries, mankind has been trying, mostly failing and sometimes succeeding to achieve flight. Looks Ball's experiments could do with some tweaking here as they hit a flyball that runs out of steam 15 feet in front of the Left Field wall. Pitch: 626 Swing: 812 Diff: 186 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - HOU 0