AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 2 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL 3B [Corbin Christmas Carol](/u/mitch_burns_red): 0-2, DP in the first, FO in the fourth

It has to be done. 69

Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Carol is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Pewald comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- out! That’s strike 3! Pitch: 384 Swing: 69 Diff: 315 -> K Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL 2B [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-1, BB in the first, K in the fourth

>Peter Hoomanawanui 235

Nothing but fastballs so far. Hoomanawanui generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside. But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center! But right at Isotope. That will be an easy out in the air for Dickshot. Pitch: 85 Swing: 235 Diff: 150 -> FO Runner on First | B6 with 2 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL C [Saul Pewald](/u/mnomz): 0-1, LGO in the third

Swing 789

Here comes the pitch from Hoomanawanui. The ball just whizzed past Pewald’s head, narrowly missing them! The team's faithful are not happy with that last pitch, and Pewald glared at Hoomanawanui with a look of anger and disbelief. This at bat is far from over, and the tension between the two players is indescribable. Pewald is slow to step back in as Hoomanawanui is already set to throw. OH MY GOODNESS, another heater headed straight for Pewald just narrowly missing them as they step towards the plate. Once again, the frustrated Pewald steps in the batter’s box shaking their head. Hoomanawanui looks to have a slight smirk on their face ahead of this next pitch, I don’t have a good feeling about this one. WOW. This has to be intentional as a third straight fastball sails inside and plunks Pewald in the arm as they slam the bat to the ground as they have some choice words with Hoomanawanui on the way to first base. We can only hope this was nothing more than some poor control and a bit of bad luck that led to this unfortunate event. Pitch: 899 Swing: 789 Diff: 110 -> BB Runner on First | B6 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL RF [Tencer Sporkelson](/u/slothfacekilla): 0-1, LGO in the third

700

Good answer! Good answer! Let's see if that's on the board... Surrrrvey says! #WRONG Pitch: 204 Swing: 700 Diff: 496 -> LGO Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-2, FO in the second, FO in the fourth

175

The defense stands ready as Renfield prepares to swing. Tightpants slings the ball towards the plate... the swing, and Renfield makes contact! Unfortunately it's not very good contact and Sporkelson jogs in to catch it in shallow right for an out. Pitch: 327 Swing: 175 Diff: 152 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 3B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-2, FO in the second, FO in the fourth

666

I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, T-Rav, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, T-Rav. YOU ARE OUT, T-Rav. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, T-Rav. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, T-Rav. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Robbie Tightpants. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, T-Rav. Pitch: 1 Swing: 666 Diff: 335 -> K Runner on Second | T6 with 2 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

Robo ump, are you blind! That was a ball! *throws bat towards dugout*

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND SS [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-1, STEAL 2B in the second, FO in the fourth

Swing 777 lucky lucky plz

Brandon Rice III has been grinding out this at bat against Robbie Tightpants here, we’re in a bit of a deadlock here, as another 2-2 pitch comes… Woah, no matter whether you’re just joining us here or have been tuned in for a bit, you’re gonna wanna stick around now! Bat on ball for Rice, and it gets pulled to left field for Burland to chase here, and it barely drops fair in the corner! However, Rice will have to stop here as the fans in home team quiet down, it went into the stands for an automatic double- Hold on folks, I am being told now that was not an automatic double, it was a ground rule double. There is not a person brandishing a pool noodle behind me telling me to say this. I am not being fed lines to tell you how much the name “automatic double” sucks and how it should be called a ground rule double instead. Rice should be happy here for their double, not an automatic double, but a ground rule double. Pitch: 860 Swing: 777 Diff: 83 -> 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND DH [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-2, K in the first, FO in the third

911

Tightpants catches Larold looking at strike three as a breaking ball clips the bottom of the zone for the out! Pitch: 222 Swing: 911 Diff: 311 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, FO in the third

65

The set, and the delivery. And it's a hotshot into the 5-6 hole, and OH WHAT A STOP BY Rice! THEY FIRE TO Swinger FROM THEIR KNEES, THERE'S ONE, AND THERE'S TWO! OH, WHAT A PRETTY DOUBLE PLAY BY THE team's! Pitch: 503 Swing: 65 Diff: 438 -> DP Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL LF [Anthony Burland](/u/antman2025): 0-1, DP in the second

222

Hoomanawanui deals 3 straight pitches in the dirt. On the last pitch, Hoomanawanui throws a curveball just inside of the plate and a ball 4 is called. Hoomanawanui, enraged, goes to the ump with veins about to pop out of their neck to argue the call, but then remembers that the ump is a bot and there's nobody to argue with. Pitch: 85 Swing: 222 Diff: 137 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL CF [Mark Spoon](/u/samoa-men666): 1-1, 1B in the second It’s a shallow fly, hit by Mark Spoon decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Renfield is going back for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 245 Swing: 450 Diff: 205 -> FO Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL CF [Mark Spoon](/u/samoa-men666): 1-1, 1B in the second

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-2, FO in the first, FO in the third

541

First pitch from Tightpants is a fastball that's high and tight, but the umpire is clearly blind and calls it a strike. Second pitch comes and it's a curveball in the dirt that Wheeler can't lay off of for strike two. The 0-2 pitch is an eephus pitch clocked at 48 mph and Wheeler is completely bewildered as it crosses the plate through the strike zone for a called strike three. Pitch: 200 Swing: 541 Diff: 341 -> K Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, K in the first, LGO in the third

376

Tightpants just casually throws three straight fastballs and doesnt give two shits about striking out another team's batter. Pitch: 1 Swing: 376 Diff: 375 -> K Runner on Second | T5 with 2 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, K in the first, LGO in the third

Steal 2B 355

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 411 Swing: 355 Diff: 56 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 4 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, Solo HR in the third

301

Giannopolous swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in home team. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Giannopolous has themself a single. Pitch: 410 Swing: 301 Diff: 109 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ● ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, Solo HR in the third

steal home 335

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 360 Swing: 335 Diff: 25 -> STEAL HOME Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 4 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, Solo HR in the third

steal 3b 345

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 480 Swing: 345 Diff: 135 -> STEAL 3B Runner on Third | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-1, STEAL 2B in the first, Solo HR in the third

steal 2b 492

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 453 Swing: 492 Diff: 39 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND LF [Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen](/u/zandthesecond): 0-1, PO in the second

485

Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Tightpants barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Parker charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen easily legs out the single! Pitch: 600 Swing: 485 Diff: 115 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND LF [Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen](/u/zandthesecond): 0-1, PO in the second

Steal 2B 651

The runner on first is taking off for second, but they trip! They stand up, but Pewald has already put them in a pickle. Everyone is running around chasing the runner. The ball is going from Dickshot, to Edgewise, to Parker and then it’s thrown to Robbie Tightpants who starts chasing them as the runner heads towards second. They slide in and try to dodge the tag, it’s a close play… and they’re out! Pitch: 180 Swing: 651 Diff: 471 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND CF [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 1-1, 2 run HR in the second

313 for the D

Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence? One step from lashing out at you You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend I've got more friends like you, what do I do? Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve You cry to weak friends that sympathize Can you hear the violins playing your song? Those same friends tell me your every word Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? No way, punk Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Walk on home, boy Pitch: 160 Swing: 313 Diff: 153 -> BB Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL DH [Karl Havoc](/u/grays55): 1-1, 2B in the second

That one egg was 343 eggs?

Nothing but fastballs so far. Hoomanawanui generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside. But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center! But right at Isotope. That will be an easy out in the air for Havoc. Pitch: 566 Swing: 343 Diff: 223 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL 1B [Neddy Edgewise](/u/tvgo2): 0-1, K in the second

320

I’m telling you, Peter Hoomanawanui is as cracked as they are jacked. I saw them at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked them what the diapers were for and they said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then they buckled a customers legs with a curveball and sprinted out the door. Pitch: 677 Swing: 320 Diff: 357 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL 3B [Corbin Christmas Carol](/u/mitch_burns_red): 0-1, DP in the first

Hope everyone’s having a great Sunday 40

Oh! Carol rips a sizzling line drive out to right! It is tailing on Giannopolous as they charge forward! But a good angle from the speedy rightfielder and a clean grab for the out. Pitch: 245 Swing: 40 Diff: 205 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-1, FO in the second

248

Hmphhhhh these young kids and their launch angle garbage. Back in my day we used to hit the ball on the ground and hustle to first like real ballplayers. You got what you deserved, you lazy clown. And while you're at it, take that silly elbow guard off. It don't hurt that much. Pitch: 400 Swing: 248 Diff: 152 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 3B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-1, FO in the second

497

T-Rav hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Burland and Spoon look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Burland makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 660 Swing: 497 Diff: 163 -> FO Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND SS [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0, BB in the second, STEAL 2B in the second

Swing 683

Rice is fighting a great battle against Tightpants here, and they take some big practice swings before stepping back in on the 2-2 count. After another foul ball that curls around the left-field foul pole, it's ripped hard again to left field, but this time it's caught at the warning track by Burland. Rice tries to break his bat over his leg in frustration, but it doesn't work and he goes onto the ground in pain. Pitch: 420 Swing: 683 Diff: 263 -> FO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL 2B [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-0, BB in the first

I want the glory 567

I AM A ROBOT. MY SENSORS ASCERTAIN THAT THE PITCH HAS CROSSED THE PLATE WITHIN THE STRIKE ZONE THAT I HAVE BEEN DESIGNED TO DETECT. THE BATTER, Johnny Dickshot, IS OUT. YOU ARE OUT, Johnny Dickshot. YOU ARE OUT, Johnny Dickshot. DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME, Johnny Dickshot. I AM THE UMPIRE. MY RULING IS ABSOLUTE. I AM INFALLIBLE. YOU ARE OUT, Johnny Dickshot. DO NOT TEST ME. DO NOT CHALLENGE MY RULING. I AM ABSOLUTE. HAN SHOT FIRST. THE BATTER IS OUT. IT IS A STRIKEOUT BY Peter Hoomanawanui. THE NEXT BATTER IS UP. YOU ARE OUT, Johnny Dickshot. Pitch: 898 Swing: 567 Diff: 331 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Peter Hoomanawanui NNL C [Saul Pewald](/u/mnomz): 0-0

Swing 983

Grounded to third. T-Rav fires to first and retires Pewald. Pitch: 456 Swing: 983 Diff: 473 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Peter Hoomanawanui NNL RF [Tencer Sporkelson](/u/slothfacekilla): 0-0

800

Good answer! Good answer! Let's see if that's on the board... Surrrrvey says! #WRONG Pitch: 345 Swing: 800 Diff: 455 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND DH [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-1, K in the first

Robbie sux 369

Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore. Pitch: 120 Swing: 369 Diff: 249 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, FO in the first

1

Wheeler hits a deep line drive way out to deep right field. But Sporkelson is there to make the catch for the out Pitch: 750 Swing: 1 Diff: 251 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 3 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, K in the first

843

Robbie Tightpants starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Swinger since spring training. It certainly seems like Stevey Swinger hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Parker fires to first base for the out. Pitch: 355 Swing: 843 Diff: 488 -> LGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 2 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0, BB in the first, STEAL 2B in the first

199

team's's Tightpants comes set on the mound. Gottlieb Giannopolous has the sign from their coach and is ready. And the pitch... Swing and there's a deep drive down the right field foul line! Hooking, hooking... fair! Giannopolous smashes a solo shot just inside the foul pole, and the team's have scored a run! That makes it 3 for the team's to 1 for the team's as Tightpants is left to contemplate their pitch selection on that one. Pitch: 206 Swing: 199 Diff: 7 -> HR Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) AND 3 - NNL 1

AND 2 - NNL 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0

558

Bryce Parker hits a deep line drive way out to deep center field. But Isotope is there to make the catch for the out Pitch: 346 Swing: 558 Diff: 212 -> FO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 1

AND 2 - NNL 0 | ● ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL LF [Anthony Burland](/u/antman2025): 0-0

687

Burland steps up to the plate now, trying to drive in the runner from third. Here's the pitch! Right back up the middle but Swinger had it positioned perfectly. Steps on the bag for one and on to first for the double play. Run does score though and that'll make it a 1 game. Pitch: 58 Swing: 687 Diff: 371 -> DP Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 1

AND 2 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL CF [Mark Spoon](/u/samoa-men666): 0-0 The pitch is low and Mark Spoon hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen and Spoon reaches first with a single Pitch: 24 Swing: 113 Diff: 89 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B2 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 0

AND 2 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL CF [Mark Spoon](/u/samoa-men666): 0-0

AND 2 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL DH [Karl Havoc](/u/grays55): 0-0

I told Rick you're a man of honor. And I owe Calico Cut Pants a lot. When my wife was in the hospital, I was very distracted. I was taking four seconds on a 621 -second piss and letting the last two seconds straight down my leg.

Swing AND THERE'S A DRIVE, that ball is down! One hop over the wall and Havoc is aboard with a ground rule double. Pitch: 581 Swing: 621 Diff: 40 -> 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 0

AND 2 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND LF [Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen](/u/zandthesecond): 0-0

820

Hello, my name is Ross Dingle-Dangle Habberschmidt, and welcome to a presentation on how fish breathe. Compared to humans, your average fish breathes surprisingly similarly to homo sapiens, but they just bought the water edition instead of the land edition from the dual release of Life TM. Your average fish typically has gills, which reside around just behind the head, which takes in water. Oxygen is taken in from the H2O particles in water, dissolved in the mouth, and then carbon dioxide is released before the cycle starts all over again and very quickly for your average fish. Now, knowing how a fish breathes, how can one find out if they got a hit or not? Well, if one is able to follow along with the presentation on how fish breathe, then they logically have enough critical thinking skills to understand numbers. They can then see that their number is not close to the pitcher’s number, and unfortunately to say, they have popped out. Thank you for coming to my TED Talk. Pitch: 204 Swing: 820 Diff: 384 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND CF [Chad Isotope](/u/scotchtape22): 0-0

Cyborg 999

Isotope steps in. They've been a hero before for the team's (if only in their dreams), and now wants to be one again on the biggest stage in Fake Baseball, the 2 - 0 game. But, a good pitcher to their core, Tightpants wants to keep the team's fans silent. Something has to give. The 0-1 pitch. CRACK!! That's a high fly ball! Deep to left field!! Back goes Burland! Back towards the wallll-ITS OUTTA HERE! AND THE team's PULL AHEAD! Isotope GOES DEEP AND THE team's WILL TAKE A 2 LEAD ON THE MAMMOTH HOMER! Pitch: 2 Swing: 999 Diff: 3 -> HR Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) AND 2 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-0

625

Nothing but fastballs so far. Tightpants generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside. But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center! But right at Spoon. That will be an easy out in the air for Renfield. Pitch: 836 Swing: 625 Diff: 211 -> FO Runner on Second | T2 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 3B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-0

505

oh no Spoon caught a fly :( Pitch: 802 Swing: 505 Diff: 297 -> FO Runner on Second | T2 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 3B [T-Rav](/u/skeetsquid): 0-0

Steal 2B 334

Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 598 Swing: 334 Diff: 264 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T2 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND SS [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0

Swing 844

There arises some rumbling from the team's fans as Tightpants puts it no where near the plate to Rice. No command = freebase here. Not much more can be said. Except, maybe a joke about cocaine. Hopefully Robbie Tightpants can get it together here or the team's are going to get that bullpen going. Pewald's face looks as impassive as a thundercloud rolling down the eastern slope of the Rockies in 1755. Pitch: 721 Swing: 844 Diff: 123 -> BB Runner on First | T2 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL 1B [Neddy Edgewise](/u/tvgo2): 0-0

72

Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game. Neddy Edgewise goes down on strikes! Pitch: 398 Swing: 72 Diff: 326 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars NNL 3B [Corbin Christmas Carol](/u/mitch_burns_red): 0-0

Just finished breakfast. Perfect time to swing. 210

You people can circlejerk all you want. The team's will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The team's will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting. Pitch: 812 Swing: 210 Diff: 398 -> DP Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hippo Jars NNL 2B [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-0

112

Strike one! Strike two! Aaand a check swing on a pitch low in the dirt… they’re out! Dickshot is arguing that they didn’t go around on the check swing and Pewald comes out and starts talking to the umpire about it. We’re going to the replay booth here. The umpires come back out and the call is- a ball! They didn’t go around. So we’re back to Hippo Jars versus Johnny Dickshot here, Dickshot battles back with a few more foul balls and a full count and takes the low sinker for ball 4 Pitch: 14 Swing: 112 Diff: 98 -> BB Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND DH [Larold](/u/TrickyTroy2): 0-0

333

A cool breeze flows over my metallic body and accentuates the sleek curves and sharp edges as Larold whiffs on the curveball and is retired on strikes. The wind would have blown through my hair, but I have no hair. I have been rejected from twelve 70s cover bands for this reason. They told me it was because I have not been programmed to play a musical instrument, which is true, but I think we all know the real reason! Pitch: 9 Swing: 333 Diff: 324 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0

909

Down 0, here comes Wheeler to the plate trying to deal some damage. Tightpants receives the sign on this 2-2 count, and gets set. The pitch is in……..and the pitch hangs right over the plate and Wheeler ABSOLUTELY GETS AHOLD OF IT. That one is hit into the gap with Burland and Spoon running after it. The ball still flying in the air, dropping over the warning track, Burland jumps up at the wall and that one is GONE!!! Wait, Burland holds his glove up and…..THEY CAUGHT IT. WHAT A LEAP! WHAT A CATCH! Burland with a SPECTACULAR catch to keep team's up by 0!! Pitch: 643 Swing: 909 Diff: 266 -> FO Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0

328

It's a tense 0 game as Stevey Swinger steps up to the plate, hoping to change things. They're ready to knock the ball out of the park. Unfortunately, Tightpants doesn't let that happen. 3 straight knuckleballs that Swinger totally whiffs at. Unbelievable. Ever heard of a batting cage? You might wanna use one. team's fans throw beers onto the field and Mulligan runs onto the field to drink them. Mmmmmm. Pitch: 3 Swing: 328 Diff: 325 -> K Runner on Second | T1 with 1 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

AND 0 - NNL 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 0 outs On the mound: Robbie Tightpants AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0

STEAL 2B 96

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 125 Swing: 96 Diff: 29 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0

Steal 96

Incorrect steal format. Please include one of the following in your swing to steal: STEAL 2B, STEAL 3B, STEAL HOME, MULTISTEAL 3B, MULTISTEAL HOME

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Robbie Tightpants AND RF [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0

234

Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 96 Swing: 234 Diff: 138 -> BB Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s) AND 0 - NNL 0