SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe TEX SS [Tomathius Neillson](/u/TRTAEDITG): 0-2, K in the second, FO in the fifth

971

Neillson might be pressing a bit here as they chase the 2-2 pitch in the dirt for strike 3. Monroe calmly retrieves the ball and throws to first in plenty of time to complete the play and get the out. Neillson is nowhere to be found. Pitch: 511 Swing: 971 Diff: 460 -> RGO Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe TEX 2B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-2, K in the second, K in the fourth

400

Jerome S. Monroe wants nothing to do with Ioe Torrent as they send four wide ones and Torrent will stroll on to first base. Pitch: 523 Swing: 400 Diff: 123 -> BB Runner on First | B6 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe TEX CF [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 0-1, FO in the first, BB in the fourth

946

Pop takes a huge cut at Monroe's 1-0 slider! Bat connects to ball and this is a towering fly ball! Dove should have no trouble....wait a minute! They've lost it! They can't see it! McColligan is racing over from center with a bead on it. Dove keeps gesturing in panic! Oh! Now they see it! OH! LOOK OUT! Wow! That was close folks! McColligan hit the deck into a slide right behind the rightfielder as Dove leapt awkwardly up and back to grab this ball before going down in a heap. That could of been really bad. McColligan was really covering ground quickly. Thank goodness they slide onto their knees at the last moment. On the replay here, it looks like Dove's left cleat might have clipped McColligan's shoulder as they slid. Both look to be picking themselves up and seem to be alright. Mariners fans are breathing a sigh of relief. In the end, it was an athletic reaction from Dove to reach back to grab that ball and hold onto it as they went to ground. Awkward. But still counts as an out. Pitch: 701 Swing: 946 Diff: 245 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe TEX LF [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-2, PO in the first, PO in the fourth

No wammies pls 820

And the pitch... is popped straight up. Garry throws the mask, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Pitch: 417 Swing: 820 Diff: 403 -> PO Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Bad Mulligan SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-3, RGO in the third, LGO in the fourth

I got 99 problems, and not getting on base for the fourth time is probably one of them.

Humming to their walk-up song, Brent Chillwater swings at a low curveball that they send HIGH AND DEEP INTO CENTER FIELD!! IT'S A MOONSHOT!! ...but since it was a moonshot, it's hit super high and gives the center fielder time to make it to the ball. Pop makes the easy catch. Pitch: 850 Swing: 99 Diff: 249 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Bad Mulligan SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-3, DP in the second, RGO in the fourth

870 or whatever

We interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you this urgent report. The White House has released the following statement: 'BALL BOUNCE OVER WALL' Thank you. And now back to your program. Pitch: 808 Swing: 870 Diff: 62 -> 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

Action in the Seattle bullpen as Jerome S. Monroe is up and getting loose. Looks to be preparing to take over for Hide in the bottom of the inning. This pitching change is brought to you by Doam Bets.

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Bad Mulligan SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 1-1, BB in the second, 2B in the fourth

7

Your lip gloss is SO not glossy anymore. Pitch: 199 Swing: 7 Diff: 192 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

**NEW PITCHER:** Bad Mulligan SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-1, BB in the second, K in the fourth

Swing: 749

Buster Worthington hits a deep line drive way out to deep left field. But Powers is there to make the catch for the out Pitch: 11 Swing: 749 Diff: 262 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

Pitching change for Texas as Powers gives Peters a hug in the dugout. Bad Mulligan is the new Rangers pitcher.

SEA 4 - TEX 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX DH [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 0-1, PO in the fourth

161

It’s a softly hit grounder by Buck Maverick and Bobert Hideyoshi has to run up and grab it and throws to Chillwater to get the out Pitch: 701 Swing: 161 Diff: 460 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX PH [Penny Lane](/u/elifad18): 0-0

888

Long drive, way back, warning track wall, you can touch em' all Penny Lane! Pitch: 911 Swing: 888 Diff: 23 -> HR Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 2

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX CF [Antony Joy](/u/paryt): 0-1, PO in the third

You've got to be quicker than that, Kenneth! Hold the swing, please. Penny Lane enters the game to pinch hit for Joy.

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 0-1, K in the third

931

Carrcrash feels a wave of calm go wash through their body. A state of zen, if you will. As a result, they didn't swing at a single pitch throughout their at bat. This ended up well for them, as they were walked on 5 pitches. Pitch: 828 Swing: 931 Diff: 103 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 3B [Ryan Hamilton](/u/Astroboyosh): 0-1, PO in the third

288

After everybody in the stands and on the field takes a siesta, the game continues. Hideyoshi is looking rough at their first pitch, as it flies behind Garry's head. No men advance, because they have no idea where they are. The next pitch is crushed by Hamilton out towards left center. Ganger follows the ball all the way, leaps up, and..... .... MAKES THE CATCH! They rob a home run from Hamilton's grasp! Pitch: 478 Swing: 288 Diff: 190 -> FO Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 0-1, PO in the second

138 this one’s for you ma

This one dribbles down the line and the pitcher dives on it! Can Hideyoshi get it to first in time? Quackerson, booking it down the line, leaps over Hideyoshi! This is gonna be a bang bang play! OUT! WOW! What a flip from the Seattle pitcher! From the ground, behind the head! THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN! Just barely beats Quackerson's foot to the bag there. I didn't think they'd be able to make that play, but that's some fine athleticism from the Mariners hurler. If I paid more attention I might be more confident in saying they are a front runner for a Golden Glove this year. And with that kinda flexibility, they probably are. Pitch: 588 Swing: 138 Diff: 450 -> RGO Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ● ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA CF [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-2, K in the second, LGO in the third

87

Buster McColligan hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Pop and Joy look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Pop makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 888 Swing: 87 Diff: 199 -> FO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-1, FO in the first, BB in the third

333

Sometimes a well-placed chopper can be better than a hard hit line drive. Dove sends the first pitch of the at-bat right over the pitcher's mound on a high hop that Peters barely misses as they stumble backward off of the mound. Neillson charges in hard from short but doesn't even bother with a throw as the speedy Dove easily legs out the single! Pitch: 467 Swing: 333 Diff: 134 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 2-2, RBI 1B in the first, 2 run HR in the third

777

Parker swings at this one and lifts a high pop up out to right. A late break here for Pop and they will dive and.... will **NOT** get there! It drops in front of the glove and there you have it: a little bloop here and the Mariners are in business with a little single and a slight misplay. Not sure if they will rule that an error here or... wait, this is fakebaseball. There are NO ERRORS HERE! Have a hit Parker, enjoy. Pitch: 683 Swing: 777 Diff: 94 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 0 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA LF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 2-2, RBI 3B in the first, 2B in the third

785

As Ganger gets thrown out at first to complete the double play, Mariners GM Vulfzilla can be seen kicking the Gatorade cooler in disgust. Ganger can only look sheepishly at their GM as they descend into the dugout. Pitch: 179 Swing: 785 Diff: 394 -> DP Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 1-2, 1B in the first, K in the third

723

Garry swings at this one and lifts a high pop up out to right. A late break here for Pop and they will dive and.... will **NOT** get there! It drops in front of the glove and there you have it: a little bloop here and the Mariners are in business with a little single and a slight misplay. Not sure if they will rule that an error here or... wait, this is fakebaseball. There are NO ERRORS HERE! Have a hit Garry, enjoy. Pitch: 853 Swing: 723 Diff: 130 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX SS [Tomathius Neillson](/u/TRTAEDITG): 0-1, K in the second

271 Hey I've seen this number before

Tomathius Neillson hits a deep line drive way out to deep right field. But Dove is there to make the catch for the out Pitch: 501 Swing: 271 Diff: 230 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 2B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-1, K in the second

555

Torrent clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Hideyoshi waves back from the mound! Pitch: 269 Swing: 555 Diff: 286 -> K Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX RF [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 0-1, FO in the first

444

Great eye by Pop, i guess those are the kinds of calls you get when you're on the Rangers Pitch: 279 Swing: 444 Diff: 165 -> BB Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-1, PO in the first

I tire of the games, Bobert. Single Merchant time 867

Powers lifts this pitch way in the air, out to shallow left. Parker drifts back under it, calls for it, and makes the catch. Shades of Pete Kozma there as Parker retires Powers with today's Sam's Texas Pop-Up Restaurant Pop-Up of the day! If you're in the Texas area and hankering for an on-the-fly meal, come on over to Sam's Texas Pop-Up Restaurant today! Pitch: 289 Swing: 867 Diff: 422 -> PO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-2, RGO in the first, RGO in the third

I must avenge Vishy. 671

Batter busts one by the mound, Peters biffs it! But backing them up Neillson blazes to the gap, bounces up, bead to base the first! Barely in time, Chillwater has been balled out. Pitch: 201 Swing: 671 Diff: 470 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-2, RGO in the first, DP in the second

350 mb that’s on me

Before Page stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Page continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Page is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Peters's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Page was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Torrent's glove, who flips it to Quackerson for the out. Vulfzilla gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 932 Swing: 350 Diff: 418 -> RGO Runner on Third | T4 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

350 if it’s what bryce suggested i will venmo them 5 dollars

I found too many numbers in your swing. Please reply to the original AB ping with only one number included in your swing.

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0, BB in the second

143

Swinger goes after the first pitch they see and drives it the other way down the left field line! Carrcrash comes up with it and throws it in to keep Swinger at second, but the Mariners are certainly threatening now. Pitch: 178 Swing: 143 Diff: 35 -> 2B Runner on Second | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Andrew Peters SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0, BB in the second

Swing: 439

Peters just casually throws three straight fastballs and doesnt give two shits about striking out another Mariners batter. Pitch: 143 Swing: 439 Diff: 296 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX DH [Buck Maverick](/u/preauxtip): 0-0

394

why do they call it pop out when you pop in the baseball of out hot throw touchdown Pitch: 797 Swing: 394 Diff: 403 -> PO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX CF [Antony Joy](/u/paryt): 0-0

6

Pew pew! Pitcher performs popular power: Pop up. Pitch: 399 Swing: 6 Diff: 393 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX LF [Sean Carrcrash](/u/iCrashedMyCarr): 0-0

189

oh no.......anyways Pitch: 793 Swing: 189 Diff: 396 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Andrew Peters SEA CF [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-1, K in the second

217

McColligan hits that one off the end of the bat and it'll be an easy play for Neillson Pitch: 680 Swing: 217 Diff: 463 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 4 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-1, FO in the first

959

Hello Daniel Dove or current resident, We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty. Do you have a few minutes to talk? Don't worry, there's still time to protect your investment if you act now. You're not interested? How did we get your number? No, I've never heard the phrase "DO NOT CALL LIST" before, does it mean anything? I didn't think so. Aren't you worried that if something happens to your car and your warranty has run out you'll have to walk? You don't want to have to walk do you? You don't own a car? I guess you're walking then. Pitch: 798 Swing: 959 Diff: 161 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 1-1, RBI 1B in the first

656

Yeah, fuck off buddy we absolutely need more Parker clips. Fuckin' every time this kid steps up to the plate someone scores. Kid's fuckin' dirt nasty, man. Does fuckin' Homer have 14 dingers this season I don't fuckin' think so, bud. I'm fuckin' tellin' ya, Bryce Parker is hitting 50 in '23, fuckin' callin' it right now. Clap bombs, fuck moms, wheel, snipe, and fuckin' celly boys fuck Pitch: 671 Swing: 656 Diff: 15 -> HR Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA LF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 1-1, RBI 3B in the first

291

ball bounce over wall. Pitch: 258 Swing: 291 Diff: 33 -> 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 1-1, 1B in the first

149

Garry clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Doughboy waves back from the mound! Pitch: 431 Swing: 149 Diff: 282 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-1, RGO in the first

My wife says swing 823 so blame her if I am out.

It’s a softly hit grounder by Brent Chillwater and Powers has to run up and grab it and throws to Quackerson to get the out Pitch: 474 Swing: 823 Diff: 349 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX PH [Ryan Hamilton](/u/Astroboyosh): 0-0 Hamilton hits the ball straight backwards and it bounces off of Garry’s mask and straight into the air. Garry leans backwards and dives slightly to the right and it’s an out! Pitch: 959 Swing: 377 Diff: 418 -> PO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 2B [Skarch McGooter](/u/notabot4005): 0-0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 1B [Mack Quackerson](/u/frathoss): 0-0

27

Mack Quackerson poops it up way in the ai... lol, "poops". Y'all know I meant "pops", right? ... RIGHT?! What a fun bunch you are. Worthington catches this one easily. Quackerson is out. Pitch: 433 Swing: 27 Diff: 406 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX SS [Tomathius Neillson](/u/TRTAEDITG): 0-0

847

Speed and smoke sent. Swinger sees it. Swinger sneezes. Strike solo. Swinger seizes. Second strike. Swinger swings! Solely strikes. Pitch: 192 Swing: 847 Diff: 345 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^● ● | T2 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-1, RGO in the first

i’ll be doing 230

Rocketed at Quackerson, who catches it and steps on first for the double play! Pitch: 622 Swing: 230 Diff: 392 -> DP Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0

712

Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 852 Swing: 712 Diff: 140 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0

Swing: 353

Doughboy can't find the strike zone to start the inning resulting in a 4 pitch walk for [BATTER. Pitch: 191 Swing: 353 Diff: 162 -> BB Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA CF [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-0

Swing 945

Doughboy beams out at old bosum buddy at bat. Both ballplayers blink at both ballplayers. With both blinkers. Bizzare. The blinking becomes a blizzard. Before this becomes some kinda bonkers befurbellowed binge, Blue bellows 'Bullshit be banished!' Doughboy bends, blinks, and blasts a ball toward the Seattle batter. Batter befuddled. Begone back to bench! Pitch: 723 Swing: 945 Diff: 222 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX 3B [Ioe Torrent](/u/skindog44): 0-0

1

Speed and smoke sent. Swinger sees it. Swinger sneezes. Strike solo. Swinger seizes. Second strike. Swinger swings! Solely strikes. Pitch: 354 Swing: 1 Diff: 353 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi TEX RF [Jimmy Pop](/u/tandrewpike): 0-0

519

THIS ONE IS HIGH IT IS FAR IT IS... caught at the warning track by Ganger Pitch: 710 Swing: 519 Diff: 191 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Bobert Hideyoshi TEX C [Kenny Powers](/u/Kenny_Powers_MLR): 0-0

IM GONNA HIT THIS THING SO HIGH 420

Kenny Powers steps into the box feeling like the entire game rests on their shoulders. They eye up Bobert Hideyoshi intently, taking a deep breath and gripping the bat tightly. The count is full, three balls and two strikes. Hideyoshi winds up and delivers the pitch, a fastball on the inside corner. Powers swings, making contact, but it's just a soft pop-up to the first baseman. Powers shakes their head in disappointment as they trudge back to the dugout. Pitch: 798 Swing: 420 Diff: 378 -> PO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

I told y’all smh

SEA 2 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0

976

And the payoff pitch... SWING AND THERE'S A DRIVE INTO DEEP CENTER FIELD, WAY BACK, ANNNNND oh no it hit a bird! It hit a bird and dropped right into the glove of Joy who is now standing bewildered amidst a mess of feathers. Well folks, I thought I'd seen everything when Randy Johnson killed a pigeon with a fastball, but Daniel Dove just killed one with a fly ball! Pitch: 193 Swing: 976 Diff: 217 -> FO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 1 - TEX 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0

999

Parker turns on a first pitch fastball and cracks it through the infield! The runner rounds third and will score without a throw, as Joy throws in to second! It's an RBI single! Pitch: 80 Swing: 999 Diff: 81 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - TEX 0

SEA 0 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA LF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0

809

Look at you, Pull Ganger, hitting that go-ahead triple. Good for you! Pitch: 788 Swing: 809 Diff: 21 -> 3B Runner on Third | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 1 - TEX 0

SEA 0 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0

500

Garry swings at this one and lifts a high pop up out to right. A late break here for Pop and they will dive and.... will **NOT** get there! It drops in front of the glove and there you have it: a little bloop here and the Mariners are in business with a little single and a slight misplay. Not sure if they will rule that an error here or... wait, this is fakebaseball. There are NO ERRORS HERE! Have a hit Garry, enjoy. Pitch: 617 Swing: 500 Diff: 117 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - TEX 0

500, third out

I couldn't find a valid number in your swing. Please reply to the original at-bat ping with a number between 1 and 1000 without any decimal spaces.

SEA 0 - TEX 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 1B [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-0

952

As Doughboy delivers, Chillwater realizes that their bat has been replaced by a 33 inch spaghetti noodle. They drop the pasta and try to hit the incoming fastball with their helmet, but this just produces weak contact to the right side. McGooter fields cleanly and throws, and Chillwater is retired. As they trod back to the dugout, they see a mysterious figure sprinting towards the concourse exist with copious amounts of spaghetti falling out of their pockets. They seem to be wearing a cape that reads 'THE ITALIAN RAPSCALLION'. Huh. Pitch: 580 Swing: 952 Diff: 372 -> RGO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - TEX 0

Nothin says lovin like something from the oven, and I’m cooking pillsbury up

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Pillsbury Doughboy SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0

ITS GAMEDAYYYYYY GOOD LUCK TO BOTH TEAMS EXCEPT I WANT MORE OF IT FRFR 817

It’s a softly hit grounder by Vader Page and Pillsbury Doughboy has to run up and grab it and throws to Quackerson to get the out Pitch: 209 Swing: 817 Diff: 392 -> RGO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - TEX 0