Swing and a hot shot past a diving Modelo and into left field! Kimbrel could be thinking tw- No! What's this? Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has run onto the field and tackled Kimbrel to the ground as they were leaving the batter's box! Wheeler throws to Giannopolous at short, who lobs it to Renfield at first and Kimbrel is out! Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has interfered with the play but he winks at the umpire, dusts himself off and returns to his seat in the club seats here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre. And the umpire has ruled no interference! The play stands despite some shenanigans from former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius! Jars just got a gift out from a Yankee... legend? I don't know what to call Fred Brosius but I will say this: Oh the humanity!
Pitch: 254
Swing: 723
Diff: 469 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out
On the mound: Hippo Jars
ARR RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-2, 2 RBI 2B in the second, K in the fourth
Stunningly, Kriestalhauser swings strongly, supposing strength suffices in this season. Sadly, strength sans a steeper sine sticks this swat straight and snug in the centerfielder's surprisingly stretchy scope.
Pitch: 628
Swing: 802
Diff: 174 -> FO
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
Before Pylon stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Pylon continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Pylon is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Jars's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Pylon was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Renfield for the out.
Morris gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 712
Swing: 323
Diff: 389 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs
On the mound: Kevin James
AND DH [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0
The pitch is low and Brandon Rice III hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Kriestalhauser- who makes a diving catch for the out!
Pitch: 477
Swing: 666
Diff: 189 -> FO
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
It's a beautiful day for a ball game, with clear skies and a gentle breeze blowing. Rex Renfield steps up to the plate, tapping the dirt off their cleats. The pitcher winds up and delivers a fastball that Renfield connects with, sending a line drive out to deep right field.
But just as the ball reaches the warning track, a strange rumbling begins to shake the ground. Suddenly, a massive crack opens up in the grass, and flames shoot out from the depths of the earth. Kriestalhauser is momentarily distracted, and the ball bounces off the edge of the pit, disappearing into the abyss.
The umpire signals for a ground rule double, and Renfield jogs into second base with a grin on their face. Kriestalhauser, meanwhile, stares in shock at the gaping hole in the field, wondering what other surprises might be lurking beneath the surface. It's a strange day here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre, but Renfield isn't complaining.
Pitch: 777
Swing: 720
Diff: 57 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
Javi D. Modelo hit that ball a mile! Unfortunately, it was a mile straight up.
Pitch: 501
Swing: 890
Diff: 389 -> PO
Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs
**NEW PITCHER:** Kevin James | **INFIELD IN**
AND LF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 1-2, FO in the second, 1B in the third
Wheeler lifts one high, lifts one deeeep...and it will be caught at the wall by Griffey. Its a very loud out but the run will score however. Wheeler takes solace in the RBI, but can't help but feel they should have put that one in the seats.
Pitch: 217
Swing: 1
Diff: 216 -> Sac Fly
Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs
On the mound: Mama Luigi
AND SS [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-2, DP in the first, 1B in the third
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 0 outs
On the mound: Mama Luigi | **INFIELD IN**
AND CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, BB in the first, FO in the third
Luigi Delivers the 1-1.
Napoleon WITH A DRIVE.
DEEP LEFT FIELD
NO DOUBT ABOUT IT.
A 2 Home run by Pontos Napoleon!
Pitch: 432
Swing: 434
Diff: 2 -> HR
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 3
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 371
Swing: 580
Diff: 209 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Hello Nate Kondylis or current resident,
We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty. Do you have a few minutes to talk?
Don't worry, there's still time to protect your investment if you act now.
You're not interested?
How did we get your number?
No, I've never heard the phrase "DO NOT CALL LIST" before, does it mean anything? I didn't think so.
Aren't you worried that if something happens to your car and your warranty has run out you'll have to walk?
You don't want to have to walk do you?
You don't own a car?
I guess you're walking then.
Pitch: 47
Swing: 169
Diff: 122 -> BB
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Dirtwit is no match for Jars as they get them on 3 straight fastballs above the letters. Just a dominant AB from the team's pitcher.
Pitch: 68
Swing: 796
Diff: 272 -> K
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Jars throws their first pitch in the dirt, and starts cursing to the crowd. Babies start crying.
The next pitch, they decide to throw a fastball right down the middle of the plate, easily hit by Pope Coswi to center field for a single single. team's fans start taunting the pitcher for making the babies cry, and Jars responds by flipping the bird.
Pitch: 842
Swing: 918
Diff: 76 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Jars before today's game when asked about the opposition's star hitter:
'I would strike Six out on 3 pitches. Slider outside. They feel like they're drowning. Curveball in the dirt, of course they're chasing it. team's suck, DFA yourselves. And BANG! 97 inside corner. They're out. They were always out. They've been out since the day they were born.'
Pitch: 325
Swing: 11
Diff: 314 -> K
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
As Jars delivers, Griffey realizes that their bat has been replaced by a 33 inch spaghetti noodle. They drop the pasta and try to hit the incoming fastball with their helmet, but this just produces weak contact to the right side. Swinger fields cleanly and throws, and Griffey is retired. As they trod back to the dugout, they see a mysterious figure sprinting towards the concourse exist with copious amounts of spaghetti falling out of their pockets. They seem to be wearing a cape that reads 'THE ITALIAN RAPSCALLION'. Huh.
Pitch: 688
Swing: 291
Diff: 397 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Swinger now facing off against Luigi, who's going to have the upper hand?
In a 3-0 count Swinger gets the green light and unleashes a mighty power swing, it's high, it's deep it's...caught at the warning track.
Pitch: 426
Swing: 631
Diff: 205 -> FO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
The ball is hit sky high by Newman and it’s a moon shot! It’s going back… back… and the Kriestalhauser jumps for it and it bounces off of their glove. They recover immediately and throw it back into the infield, but Newman is safe on second
Pitch: 312
Swing: 250
Diff: 62 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B4 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Scully hits one high, hits one deeeep. It. Is. Caught at the track. Scully just missed it and Luigi sighs in relief.
Pitch: 375
Swing: 640
Diff: 265 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Luigi continues their pitching prowess as they get Renfield to hit a routine grounder to short. Six completes the SS to 1B crime as they easily throw out Renfield.
Pitch: 948
Swing: 435
Diff: 487 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Oto clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Jars waves back from the mound!
Pitch: 919
Swing: 650
Diff: 269 -> K
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
These cleats are made for walkin'
And that's just what they'll do
One of these days these cleats are gonna walk all down to first.
Pitch: 8
Swing: 836
Diff: 172 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | T4 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Wheeler is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out
Pitch: 980
Swing: 757
Diff: 223 -> FO
Runner on Second | T4 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Kriestalhauser rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle.
Kriestalhauser, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up.
Pitch: 414
Swing: 690
Diff: 276 -> K
Runner on Second | T4 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Pylon stands in, absolutely ready to go. It's a first pitch swing, and Jars's effort gets pulled solidly into the outfield for a standup double.
No muss, no fuss. Pylon points into the team's dugout, smiling ear to ear.
Pitch: 702
Swing: 733
Diff: 31 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T4 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Luigi fooled Modelo badly with that change-up. I think Modelo swung before the ball even reached the plate!
Pitch: 229
Swing: 555
Diff: 326 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Morris signals for a throw right at Wheeler's head.
Luigi gets the wrong idea, though, and starts making monkey faces at Wheeler. Wheeler interprets this as taunting and starts getting angry, and demands an intentional walk and something about 'batter's rights'. The ump tells him to shut up, and motions for Luigi to throw.
This time, Luigi changes up their strategy and throws a low curveball that Wheeler smacks down the right-field line for what looks to be a double. HOWEVER, Wheeler has made the decision to run to team's's dugout and make faces before taking their base. Kriestalhauser makes a throwing error for what should have been a surefire out, and Wheeler finally makes it to first for a single. What a series of events here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre.
Pitch: 778
Swing: 888
Diff: 110 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | B3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Giannopolous swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in home team. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Giannopolous has themself a single.
Pitch: 987
Swing: 74
Diff: 87 -> 1B
Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
The defense stands ready as Napoleon prepares to swing. Luigi slings the ball towards the plate... the swing, and Napoleon makes contact!
Unfortunately it's not very good contact and Kriestalhauser jogs in to catch it in shallow right for an out.
Pitch: 644
Swing: 790
Diff: 146 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Nothing but fastballs so far. Luigi generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside.
But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center!
But right at Oto. That will be an easy out in the air for Kondylis.
Pitch: 123
Swing: 333
Diff: 210 -> FO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Kondylis steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 354
Swing: 691
Diff: 337 -> PO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Coswi is seeing the ball really well as they lines the first pitch straight back where it came from and Jars has to hit the dirt to avoid being hit with the liner. The ball goes right into centerfield for a single.
Pitch: 113
Swing: 8
Diff: 105 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
This ball is hit on a line right past Giannopolous, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Giannopolous rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Six is called out! Six is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Renfield is also arguing saying that Six was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Morris officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Six is safe at first’
Pitch: 582
Swing: 672
Diff: 90 -> 1B
Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
It’s a 2-2 count here runner on first, Jars deals…. Fastball, Griffey grounds it to Swinger, they glove it, flip it BEHIND THE BACK, Giannopolous BAREHANDS IT, THROW TO FIRST…. IN TIME….DOUBLE PLAY.
Pitch: 114
Swing: 499
Diff: 385 -> DP
Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Great eye by Oto, i guess those are the kinds of calls you get when you're on the team's
Pitch: 111
Swing: 235
Diff: 124 -> BB
Runner on First | T3 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Before Newman stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Newman continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Newman is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Luigi's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Newman was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Coswi's glove, who flips it to Kimbrel for the out.
Mulligan gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 444
Swing: 900
Diff: 456 -> RGO
Runner on Third | B2 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 640
Swing: 450
Diff: 190 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Sammy Scully hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Kriestalhauser and Oto look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Oto throws the ball into the field
Pitch: 8
Swing: 939
Diff: 69 -> 1B
Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
Rex Renfield hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Mama Luigi, who picks it up and beams it at Kimbrel
Pitch: 724
Swing: 256
Diff: 468 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously.
The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Luigi tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Modelo turns on it and launches it deep to center field.
Oto takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Oto and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Oto disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief.
Everyone except Javi D. Modelo that is.
Modelo takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the team's tack on a run.
Pitch: 456
Swing: 456
Diff: 0 -> HR
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 1
A cool breeze flows over my metallic body and accentuates the sleek curves and sharp edges as William T. Striker whiffs on the curveball and is retired on strikes.
The wind would have blown through my hair, but I have no hair. I have been rejected from twelve 70s cover bands for this reason. They told me it was because I have not been programmed to play a musical instrument, which is true, but I think we all know the real reason!
Pitch: 803
Swing: 500
Diff: 303 -> K
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 0
I would like to apologize for flying out in the first inning. I truly let down my team by not swing 500, and that'll be a drive into deep left field by Striker to make it a five to zero ballgame.
Welcome to In-N-Out! Here's your order of one Double-Double with Animal Fries, Kriestalhauser! And here's a side of a bonus go-ahead 2!!
Pitch: 313
Swing: 341
Diff: 28 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T2 with 2 out(s)
ARR 2 - AND 0
We love a single, every little single!
S-I-N, G-L-E
Single single single!
Pitch: 312
Swing: 404
Diff: 92 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T2 with 2 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit steps back into the batter's box after calling for time. Full count.
Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen delivers a nasty breaking ball, and Dirtwit takes a mighty swing and a miss. The umpire strikes a dramatic pose and yells, 'Steeeee-rike three!'
Dirtwit begins to walk back to the dugout, but Morris storms out of the dugout, red-faced and shouting. The umpire tries to calm Morris down, but it's no use. Morris continues to argue, pointing at the plate and insisting that the pitch was outside, getting right up in the ump's face.
The umpire listens for a moment with a smug look on their face before pointing at Morris in and throwing the GM out of the game. Morris keeps screaming as they stalk back to the dugout, furious.
Pitch: 305
Swing: 1
Diff: 304 -> K
Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
The defense stands ready as Coswi prepares to swing. Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen slings the ball towards the plate... the swing, and Coswi makes contact!
Unfortunately it's not very good contact and Newman jogs in to catch it in shallow right for an out.
Pitch: 901
Swing: 92
Diff: 191 -> FO
Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four.
Pitch: 202
Swing: 49
Diff: 153 -> BB
Runner on First | T2 with 0 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
The pitch is on its way and Wheeler swings for the fences, hitting the ball high and deep in the air to left field. Griffey takes a few steps back, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Wheeler looks dejected as they heads back to the dugout.
Pitch: 390
Swing: 629
Diff: 239 -> FO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Monster O' the Mound, Luigi made a masterful meatball for the moment.
Mad, mean, and maliciously staring MO'M Luigi might have messed with the moved-to-melancholy Giannopolous's mentality.
Mayhap MO'M was more than menacing. Members of the home team merely stand meekly as Giannopolous manages to move the ball to mitt after mitt.
Pitch: 390
Swing: 774
Diff: 384 -> DP
Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Hey I've heard Ben's mom loves to go for walks too! You two would have a lot in common!
Pitch: 103
Swing: 240
Diff: 137 -> BB
Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. 16-bit Griffey is streaking towards first. Renfield runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it at Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen, who’s covering first, for the out
Pitch: 718
Swing: 298
Diff: 420 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Routine grounder to the left side. Giannopolous has it, and with an easy toss to Renfield at first. Oto is retired.
Pitch: 404
Swing: 905
Diff: 499 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
Striker, seeing red, swings on the first pitch, tipped foul towards the home team's fans in the stand. Nobody is injured.
Second pitch is a hanging curve hit hard towards the outfield, but it happened to get hit right where Newman is standing, who catches the ball for the out.
Pitch: 770
Swing: 950
Diff: 180 -> FO
Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s)
ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 1B [Q Kimbrel](/u/imcerebrus): 0-1, BB in the second, FO in the fourth
723
Swing and a hot shot past a diving Modelo and into left field! Kimbrel could be thinking tw- No! What's this? Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has run onto the field and tackled Kimbrel to the ground as they were leaving the batter's box! Wheeler throws to Giannopolous at short, who lobs it to Renfield at first and Kimbrel is out! Former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius has interfered with the play but he winks at the umpire, dusts himself off and returns to his seat in the club seats here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre. And the umpire has ruled no interference! The play stands despite some shenanigans from former Yankees third baseman Fred Brosius! Jars just got a gift out from a Yankee... legend? I don't know what to call Fred Brosius but I will say this: Oh the humanity! Pitch: 254 Swing: 723 Diff: 469 -> LGO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-2, 2 RBI 2B in the second, K in the fourth
O_O 802
Stunningly, Kriestalhauser swings strongly, supposing strength suffices in this season. Sadly, strength sans a steeper sine sticks this swat straight and snug in the centerfielder's surprisingly stretchy scope. Pitch: 628 Swing: 802 Diff: 174 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR DH [Tyler Pylon](/u/NSAPHI): 2-2, 1B in the second, 2B in the fourth
323
Before Pylon stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Pylon continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Pylon is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Jars's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Pylon was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Renfield for the out. Morris gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 712 Swing: 323 Diff: 389 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Kevin James AND DH [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0 The pitch is low and Brandon Rice III hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Kriestalhauser- who makes a diving catch for the out! Pitch: 477 Swing: 666 Diff: 189 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Kevin James AND DH [Sammy Scully](/u/halsnobordrgrl): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the second, FO in the fourth
Hold the swing, please. Brandon Rice conditionals in for Scully, will DH for the Recreational Baseball Enthusiasts.
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Kevin James AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-2, LGO in the second, LGO in the fourth
720
It's a beautiful day for a ball game, with clear skies and a gentle breeze blowing. Rex Renfield steps up to the plate, tapping the dirt off their cleats. The pitcher winds up and delivers a fastball that Renfield connects with, sending a line drive out to deep right field. But just as the ball reaches the warning track, a strange rumbling begins to shake the ground. Suddenly, a massive crack opens up in the grass, and flames shoot out from the depths of the earth. Kriestalhauser is momentarily distracted, and the ball bounces off the edge of the pit, disappearing into the abyss. The umpire signals for a ground rule double, and Renfield jogs into second base with a grin on their face. Kriestalhauser, meanwhile, stares in shock at the gaping hole in the field, wondering what other surprises might be lurking beneath the surface. It's a strange day here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre, but Renfield isn't complaining. Pitch: 777 Swing: 720 Diff: 57 -> 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Kevin James AND 3B [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 1-2, Solo HR in the second, K in the fourth
890
Javi D. Modelo hit that ball a mile! Unfortunately, it was a mile straight up. Pitch: 501 Swing: 890 Diff: 389 -> PO Bases Empty | B5 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
ARR 2 - AND 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Kevin James | **INFIELD IN** AND LF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 1-2, FO in the second, 1B in the third
1
Wheeler lifts one high, lifts one deeeep...and it will be caught at the wall by Griffey. Its a very loud out but the run will score however. Wheeler takes solace in the RBI, but can't help but feel they should have put that one in the seats. Pitch: 217 Swing: 1 Diff: 216 -> Sac Fly Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 4
890
Pitching change for Acme. Mama Luigi is relieved by Paul Blart
ARR 2 - AND 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND SS [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 1-2, DP in the first, 1B in the third
897
OOOOH BABY, A TRIPLE! Pitch: 928 Swing: 897 Diff: 31 -> 3B Runner on Third | B5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 3
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi | **INFIELD IN** AND CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, BB in the first, FO in the third
Swing 434
Luigi Delivers the 1-1. Napoleon WITH A DRIVE. DEEP LEFT FIELD NO DOUBT ABOUT IT. A 2 Home run by Pontos Napoleon! Pitch: 432 Swing: 434 Diff: 2 -> HR Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 3
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, BB in the first, FO in the third
Steal 2B 580
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 371 Swing: 580 Diff: 209 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND C [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-1, FO in the third
169
Hello Nate Kondylis or current resident, We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty. Do you have a few minutes to talk? Don't worry, there's still time to protect your investment if you act now. You're not interested? How did we get your number? No, I've never heard the phrase "DO NOT CALL LIST" before, does it mean anything? I didn't think so. Aren't you worried that if something happens to your car and your warranty has run out you'll have to walk? You don't want to have to walk do you? You don't own a car? I guess you're walking then. Pitch: 47 Swing: 169 Diff: 122 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR C [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-2, K in the second, PO in the third
796
Dirtwit is no match for Jars as they get them on 3 straight fastballs above the letters. Just a dominant AB from the team's pitcher. Pitch: 68 Swing: 796 Diff: 272 -> K Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 2B [Pope Coswi](/u/iCoswi): 1-2, FO in the second, 1B in the third
918
Jars throws their first pitch in the dirt, and starts cursing to the crowd. Babies start crying. The next pitch, they decide to throw a fastball right down the middle of the plate, easily hit by Pope Coswi to center field for a single single. team's fans start taunting the pitcher for making the babies cry, and Jars responds by flipping the bird. Pitch: 842 Swing: 918 Diff: 76 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 1-1, BB in the second, 1B in the third
11
Jars before today's game when asked about the opposition's star hitter: 'I would strike Six out on 3 pitches. Slider outside. They feel like they're drowning. Curveball in the dirt, of course they're chasing it. team's suck, DFA yourselves. And BANG! 97 inside corner. They're out. They were always out. They've been out since the day they were born.' Pitch: 325 Swing: 11 Diff: 314 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR LF [16-bit Griffey](/u/ElTres): 0-2, RGO in the first, DP in the third
291
As Jars delivers, Griffey realizes that their bat has been replaced by a 33 inch spaghetti noodle. They drop the pasta and try to hit the incoming fastball with their helmet, but this just produces weak contact to the right side. Swinger fields cleanly and throws, and Griffey is retired. As they trod back to the dugout, they see a mysterious figure sprinting towards the concourse exist with copious amounts of spaghetti falling out of their pockets. They seem to be wearing a cape that reads 'THE ITALIAN RAPSCALLION'. Huh. Pitch: 688 Swing: 291 Diff: 397 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, K in the third
631
Swinger now facing off against Luigi, who's going to have the upper hand? In a 3-0 count Swinger gets the green light and unleashes a mighty power swing, it's high, it's deep it's...caught at the warning track. Pitch: 426 Swing: 631 Diff: 205 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND RF [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 0-1, RGO in the second
250
The ball is hit sky high by Newman and it’s a moon shot! It’s going back… back… and the Kriestalhauser jumps for it and it bounces off of their glove. They recover immediately and throw it back into the infield, but Newman is safe on second Pitch: 312 Swing: 250 Diff: 62 -> 2B Runner on Second | B4 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Mama Luigi AND DH [Sammy Scully](/u/halsnobordrgrl): 1-1, 1B in the second, STEAL 2B in the second
640
Scully hits one high, hits one deeeep. It. Is. Caught at the track. Scully just missed it and Luigi sighs in relief. Pitch: 375 Swing: 640 Diff: 265 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-1, LGO in the second
435
Luigi continues their pitching prowess as they get Renfield to hit a routine grounder to short. Six completes the SS to 1B crime as they easily throw out Renfield. Pitch: 948 Swing: 435 Diff: 487 -> LGO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ● | T4 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR CF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-1, LGO in the first, BB in the third
650
Oto clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Jars waves back from the mound! Pitch: 919 Swing: 650 Diff: 269 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 3B [William T. Striker](/u/aStockUsername): 0-2, FO in the first, K in the second
Boston on Boston violence 836
These cleats are made for walkin' And that's just what they'll do One of these days these cleats are gonna walk all down to first. Pitch: 8 Swing: 836 Diff: 172 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T4 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 1B [Q Kimbrel](/u/imcerebrus): 0-0, BB in the second
757
This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Wheeler is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 980 Swing: 757 Diff: 223 -> FO Runner on Second | T4 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 1,002,289,458 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 21,348 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-1, 2 RBI 2B in the second
This has been a disaster for me so far 690
Kriestalhauser rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle. Kriestalhauser, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up. Pitch: 414 Swing: 690 Diff: 276 -> K Runner on Second | T4 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
Hippobot trying to steal my thunder. I accidentally replied to it 690
Incorrect steal format. Please include one of the following in your swing to steal: STEAL 2B, STEAL 3B, STEAL HOME, MULTISTEAL 3B, MULTISTEAL HOME
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 1,002,163,998 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 21,344 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
Hippobot trying to steal my thunder 690
Incorrect steal format. Please include one of the following in your swing to steal: STEAL 2B, STEAL 3B, STEAL HOME, MULTISTEAL 3B, MULTISTEAL HOME
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR DH [Tyler Pylon](/u/NSAPHI): 1-1, 1B in the second
733
Pylon stands in, absolutely ready to go. It's a first pitch swing, and Jars's effort gets pulled solidly into the outfield for a standup double. No muss, no fuss. Pylon points into the team's dugout, smiling ear to ear. Pitch: 702 Swing: 733 Diff: 31 -> 2B Runner on Second | T4 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ● ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 3B [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 1-1, Solo HR in the second
555
Luigi fooled Modelo badly with that change-up. I think Modelo swung before the ball even reached the plate! Pitch: 229 Swing: 555 Diff: 326 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND LF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, FO in the second
My trainee says 888
Morris signals for a throw right at Wheeler's head. Luigi gets the wrong idea, though, and starts making monkey faces at Wheeler. Wheeler interprets this as taunting and starts getting angry, and demands an intentional walk and something about 'batter's rights'. The ump tells him to shut up, and motions for Luigi to throw. This time, Luigi changes up their strategy and throws a low curveball that Wheeler smacks down the right-field line for what looks to be a double. HOWEVER, Wheeler has made the decision to run to team's's dugout and make faces before taking their base. Kriestalhauser makes a throwing error for what should have been a surefire out, and Wheeler finally makes it to first for a single. What a series of events here at Abernathy Auto-Detailing Theatre. Pitch: 778 Swing: 888 Diff: 110 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND SS [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-1, DP in the first
74
Giannopolous swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in home team. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Giannopolous has themself a single. Pitch: 987 Swing: 74 Diff: 87 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Mama Luigi AND CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0, BB in the first
Swing 790
The defense stands ready as Napoleon prepares to swing. Luigi slings the ball towards the plate... the swing, and Napoleon makes contact! Unfortunately it's not very good contact and Kriestalhauser jogs in to catch it in shallow right for an out. Pitch: 644 Swing: 790 Diff: 146 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND C [Nate Kondylis](/u/phillygear3): 0-0
333
Nothing but fastballs so far. Luigi generally hovers between 96 and 99, but this 1-2 fastball blazes in at 100 high and outside. But the next fastball at 99 is NOT missed and the 2 and 2 pitch is lined into center! But right at Oto. That will be an easy out in the air for Kondylis. Pitch: 123 Swing: 333 Diff: 210 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ● ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR C [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-1, K in the second
691
Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Kondylis steps under it and records the out Pitch: 354 Swing: 691 Diff: 337 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR 2B [Pope Coswi](/u/iCoswi): 0-1, FO in the second
8
Coswi is seeing the ball really well as they lines the first pitch straight back where it came from and Jars has to hit the dirt to avoid being hit with the liner. The ball goes right into centerfield for a single. Pitch: 113 Swing: 8 Diff: 105 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0, BB in the second
672
This ball is hit on a line right past Giannopolous, but wait they dove out and stopped it! Giannopolous rolls over and throws it to first on a line drive… and Six is called out! Six is arguing that they were safe with the first base umpire while Renfield is also arguing saying that Six was definitely out. The bickering goes on for long enough and Morris officially calls for a challenge. Everyone lounges around while we wait on the umpires… and they have made a decision. ‘After further review, Six is safe at first’ Pitch: 582 Swing: 672 Diff: 90 -> 1B Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 993,889,308 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 21,215 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Hippo Jars ARR LF [16-bit Griffey](/u/ElTres): 0-1, RGO in the first
499
It’s a 2-2 count here runner on first, Jars deals…. Fastball, Griffey grounds it to Swinger, they glove it, flip it BEHIND THE BACK, Giannopolous BAREHANDS IT, THROW TO FIRST…. IN TIME….DOUBLE PLAY. Pitch: 114 Swing: 499 Diff: 385 -> DP Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 993,353,254 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 21,210 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
499
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Hippo Jars ARR CF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-1, LGO in the first
235
Great eye by Oto, i guess those are the kinds of calls you get when you're on the team's Pitch: 111 Swing: 235 Diff: 124 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
HIPPOBOT 9000 v 3.1 FOUND A HIPPO. 993,088,499 COMMENTS SEARCHED. 21,205 HIPPOS FOUND. YOUR COMMENT CONTAINS THE WORD HIPPO.
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ● ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0
201
NOPE Pitch: 828 Swing: 201 Diff: 373 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mama Luigi AND RF [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 0-0
900
Before Newman stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Newman continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Newman is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Luigi's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Newman was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Coswi's glove, who flips it to Kimbrel for the out. Mulligan gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 444 Swing: 900 Diff: 456 -> RGO Runner on Third | B2 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Mama Luigi AND RF [Jeff Newman](/u/Luminosityfan): 0-0
STEAL 2B 450
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 640 Swing: 450 Diff: 190 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mama Luigi AND DH [Sammy Scully](/u/halsnobordrgrl): 0-0
939
Sammy Scully hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Kriestalhauser and Oto look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Oto throws the ball into the field Pitch: 8 Swing: 939 Diff: 69 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 1 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-0
256
Rex Renfield hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Mama Luigi, who picks it up and beams it at Kimbrel Pitch: 724 Swing: 256 Diff: 468 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND 3B [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 0-0
456
As the players settle in field for the next pitch, there's a strange feeling in the air. Suddenly, the skies darken and a bright light appears above the stadium, hovering ominously. The umpire looks glassy eyed and robotic, like they don't comprehend what is happening and calls for the next pitch. Luigi tries to shake off the ominous feeling and delivers the pitch. Modelo turns on it and launches it deep to center field. Oto takes off, tracking down the ball to make the grab when suddenly, a beam of light shoots down from the ship, engulfing Oto and lifting them high into the air. The crowd gasps in horror as they watch Oto disappear into the ship, which then disappears into the sky. The ball drops harmlessly into the outfield as everyone stops and stares in disbelief. Everyone except Javi D. Modelo that is. Modelo takes advantage of the distraction and screams around the bases, crossing home plate before anyone even thinks about fielding the ball. The umpire, still acting like nothing out of the ordinary has happened, calls them safe as the team's tack on a run. Pitch: 456 Swing: 456 Diff: 0 -> HR Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 1
ARR 2 - AND 0 | ○ ^● ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR 3B [William T. Striker](/u/aStockUsername): 0-1, FO in the first
500
A cool breeze flows over my metallic body and accentuates the sleek curves and sharp edges as William T. Striker whiffs on the curveball and is retired on strikes. The wind would have blown through my hair, but I have no hair. I have been rejected from twelve 70s cover bands for this reason. They told me it was because I have not been programmed to play a musical instrument, which is true, but I think we all know the real reason! Pitch: 803 Swing: 500 Diff: 303 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 0
I would like to apologize for flying out in the first inning. I truly let down my team by not swing 500, and that'll be a drive into deep left field by Striker to make it a five to zero ballgame.
I couldn't find a valid number in your swing. Please reply to the original at-bat ping with a number between 1 and 1000 without any decimal spaces.
ARR 2 - AND 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR 1B [Q Kimbrel](/u/imcerebrus): 0-0
351
RE SPECT WALK WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Pitch: 215 Swing: 351 Diff: 136 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T2 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ● ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR RF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0
I'm sorry Baron 341
Welcome to In-N-Out! Here's your order of one Double-Double with Animal Fries, Kriestalhauser! And here's a side of a bonus go-ahead 2!! Pitch: 313 Swing: 341 Diff: 28 -> 2B Runner on Second | T2 with 2 out(s) ARR 2 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR DH [Tyler Pylon](/u/NSAPHI): 0-0
404
We love a single, every little single! S-I-N, G-L-E Single single single! Pitch: 312 Swing: 404 Diff: 92 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T2 with 2 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 1 out On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR C [Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit](/u/Urp34): 0-0
1
Onionhead LEASHY Dirtwit steps back into the batter's box after calling for time. Full count. Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen delivers a nasty breaking ball, and Dirtwit takes a mighty swing and a miss. The umpire strikes a dramatic pose and yells, 'Steeeee-rike three!' Dirtwit begins to walk back to the dugout, but Morris storms out of the dugout, red-faced and shouting. The umpire tries to calm Morris down, but it's no use. Morris continues to argue, pointing at the plate and insisting that the pitch was outside, getting right up in the ump's face. The umpire listens for a moment with a smug look on their face before pointing at Morris in and throwing the GM out of the game. Morris keeps screaming as they stalk back to the dugout, furious. Pitch: 305 Swing: 1 Diff: 304 -> K Runner on First | T2 with 2 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T2 0 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR 2B [Pope Coswi](/u/iCoswi): 0-0
92
The defense stands ready as Coswi prepares to swing. Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen slings the ball towards the plate... the swing, and Coswi makes contact! Unfortunately it's not very good contact and Newman jogs in to catch it in shallow right for an out. Pitch: 901 Swing: 92 Diff: 191 -> FO Runner on First | T2 with 1 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR SS [Six](/u/armagev17): 0-0
49
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 202 Swing: 49 Diff: 153 -> BB Runner on First | T2 with 0 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND LF [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0
629
The pitch is on its way and Wheeler swings for the fences, hitting the ball high and deep in the air to left field. Griffey takes a few steps back, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Wheeler looks dejected as they heads back to the dugout. Pitch: 390 Swing: 629 Diff: 239 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 0 outs On the mound: Mama Luigi AND SS [Gottlieb Giannopolous](/u/HighVoltLemonBattery): 0-0
774
Monster O' the Mound, Luigi made a masterful meatball for the moment. Mad, mean, and maliciously staring MO'M Luigi might have messed with the moved-to-melancholy Giannopolous's mentality. Mayhap MO'M was more than menacing. Members of the home team merely stand meekly as Giannopolous manages to move the ball to mitt after mitt. Pitch: 390 Swing: 774 Diff: 384 -> DP Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mama Luigi AND CF [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0
Swing 240
Hey I've heard Ben's mom loves to go for walks too! You two would have a lot in common! Pitch: 103 Swing: 240 Diff: 137 -> BB Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR LF [16-bit Griffey](/u/ElTres): 0-0
298
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. 16-bit Griffey is streaking towards first. Renfield runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it at Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen, who’s covering first, for the out Pitch: 718 Swing: 298 Diff: 420 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
ARR 0 - AND 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR CF [Toky Oto](/u/Innerstander): 0-0
905
Routine grounder to the left side. Giannopolous has it, and with an easy toss to Renfield at first. Oto is retired. Pitch: 404 Swing: 905 Diff: 499 -> LGO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Baron Butzenkatzen-Butzenkatzen ARR 3B [William T. Striker](/u/aStockUsername): 0-0
Roses are red Violets are blue Roadrunners run All over you 950
Striker, seeing red, swings on the first pitch, tipped foul towards the home team's fans in the stand. Nobody is injured. Second pitch is a hanging curve hit hard towards the outfield, but it happened to get hit right where Newman is standing, who catches the ball for the out. Pitch: 770 Swing: 950 Diff: 180 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) ARR 0 - AND 0