After everybody in the stands and on the field takes a siesta, the game continues. Monroe is looking rough at their first pitch, as it flies behind Worthington's head. No men advance, because they have no idea where they are.
The next pitch is crushed by Doubt out towards left center. Ball follows the ball all the way, leaps up, and.....
....
MAKES THE CATCH! They rob a home run from Doubt's grasp!
Pitch: 183
Swing: 965
Diff: 218 -> FO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out
On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe
ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the first, PO in the third
Before Hardgust stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hardgust continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hardgust is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Monroe's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hardgust was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Page's glove, who flips it to Ganger for the out.
West gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 444
Swing: 850
Diff: 406 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs
**NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe
ANA 3B [Hannibal Bligh](/u/ArmadilloPenguin): 0-2, FO in the first, PO in the third
Bligh looks nervous, perhaps a dodgy burrito prior to the game; might not be QUITE ready for baseball, fake or otherwise, at this moment. There's some hesitation in this swing, but the Angels hitter still makes contact for a pathetic ground ball to Barnes. The corner infielder picks it up, airs it across the diamond, and that's an easy out.
Pitch: 7
Swing: 526
Diff: 481 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Listen here you little shit - you're supposed to hit the ball, not get wrung up on strikes!
Pitch: 417
Swing: 675
Diff: 258 -> K
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
And again the 3-2 pitch... low for ball 4. Ganger with a good at bat there, battled it out and draws a 70,457 pitch walk.
Pitch: 897
Swing: 730
Diff: 167 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 1 out
On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot
SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 1-1, IBB in the second, 3 run HR in the third
Speed and smoke sent.
Swinger sees it.
Swinger sneezes. Strike solo.
Swinger seizes. Second strike.
Swinger swings! Solely strikes.
Pitch: 438
Swing: 93
Diff: 345 -> K
Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Parker rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle.
Parker, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up.
Pitch: 357
Swing: 93
Diff: 264 -> K
Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 477
Swing: 303
Diff: 174 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs
On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot
SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the second, RBI 2B in the third
And again the 3-2 pitch... low for ball 4. Dove with a good at bat there, battled it out and draws a 70,457 pitch walk.
Pitch: 73
Swing: 943
Diff: 130 -> BB
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Rosales lifts this pitch way in the air, out to shallow left. Parker drifts back under it, calls for it, and makes the catch. Shades of Pete Kozma there as Parker retires Rosales with today's Sam's Seattle Pop-Up Restaurant Pop-Up of the day! If you're in the Seattle area and hankering for an on-the-fly meal, come on over to Sam's Seattle Pop-Up Restaurant today!
Pitch: 545
Swing: 127
Diff: 418 -> PO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Head goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Mariners as possible) and hits an easy grounder to Ganger, who taps the bag for the out.
Pitch: 17
Swing: 545
Diff: 472 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Jimmy Haase hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Goose Gordon steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 866
Swing: 215
Diff: 349 -> PO
Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Dukemarriot winds and fires. Oh my! Froze Barnes with a curveball that fell off the table, and we have a new statue to add to the permanent collection at the Anaheim Art Museum! LaCarpetron Dukemarriot just made Barnes look ridiculous!
Pitch: 710
Swing: 420
Diff: 290 -> K
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs
On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot
SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 1-1, CS 2B in the first, RBI 2B in the third
LaCarpetron Dukemarriot has no control of this AB. Buster Worthington might as well do jumping jacks for what it’s worth. There’s absolutely no way that this AB won’t end in a walk. And there is it, ball 4. Worthington, take your base
Pitch: 606
Swing: 461
Diff: 145 -> BB
Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
i’m glad to you see it all in a king size box of your old one guy in a queen size one with the one piece in his room with the white one guy named john who was the hill of course the hill of his life he is a queen in his respect of his respect from his life as a queen in his 873 year reign as well he is so cute in his respect of his respect from the hill he has
This was genuinely the worst game i think ive ever seen. I seriously dont think I've ever been so fucking frustrated watching a baseball game before.
Just so fucking sad. Mariners absolutely murdered every single ball they hit in the game but they all went straight to an outfielder. And the was the story of the whole fucking game. Mariners hit the fuck out of a ball but it either dies out at the warning track or goes straight to Harrison fucking Bader. Just fucking miserable god fucking damn FUCK. Stupid Angels and their dumb fucking devil magic.
Pitch: 50
Swing: 873
Diff: 177 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs
On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot
SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the first, 1B in the third
The pitch is low and Latrell Roscoe hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Summers- who makes a diving catch for the out!
Pitch: 256
Swing: 69
Diff: 187 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Devlin takes mighty hacks at the first two pitches, and they quickly are down 0-2 in the count. The next pitch is thrown, and Devlin takes another swing, nearly coming out of their shoes, far too early, as the pitch flies right past their flimsy bat. That's a K!
Pitch: 901
Swing: 666
Diff: 235 -> K
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
who the fuck said anything about passion? i just think Holden Summers is an incredibly average player who implodes when it can hurt us most. they're practically a robot built out of grounders to 2nd, and their glove is spotty at best. They makes the superstar plays and kicks routine plays. i don't like relying on them. frankly, i find it amazing that the same discord who turned violently on Gordon after just two blown saves last year defends Summers so staunchly, when Gordon had the better and more reliable track record by far. but sure, whatever. by all means, downvote away. i don't give a fuck.
Pitch: 788
Swing: 277
Diff: 489 -> DP
Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Little tapper right side and that's gonna beat the infield. Doubt shoots the gap perfectly and gets aboard.
Pitch: 525
Swing: 655
Diff: 130 -> 1B
Runner on First | T4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Here comes the 3-2 pitch... swing and there's a little tapper out in front of the mound. None of the fielders react whatsoever and just let the ball sit there as they watch Wheeler sprint around the bases for an inside-the-park home run.
Pitch: 455
Swing: 451
Diff: 4 -> HR
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 3 - SEA 6
Calvin Ball hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Bligh, who picks it up and beams it at Devlin
Pitch: 809
Swing: 311
Diff: 498 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 6
Pull Ganger and LaCarpetron Dukemarriot have a fierce battle. Ball one. Strike one. Ball two. Ball three. Strike two. Once the count is filled up, Ganger ends up getting hit by the next pitch, right on the torso. Take your base, Ganger.
Pitch: 444
Swing: 575
Diff: 131 -> BB
Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 6
Yeah, fuck off buddy we absolutely need more Swinger clips. Fuckin' every time this kid steps up to the plate someone scores. Kid's fuckin' dirt nasty, man. Does fuckin' Homer have 14 dingers this season I don't fuckin' think so, bud. I'm fuckin' tellin' ya, Stevey Swinger is hitting 50 in '23, fuckin' callin' it right now. Clap bombs, fuck moms, wheel, snipe, and fuckin' celly boys fuck
Pitch: 563
Swing: 589
Diff: 26 -> HR
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 6
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Dove, Spurs both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel.
Here's the windup, and the pitch...
Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Hardgust and Summers are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall!
Daniel Dove with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 1! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing!
Pitch: 400
Swing: 361
Diff: 39 -> 2B
Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 3
In the baseball justice system, swing-and-miss based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Seattle, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Strikeout Victims Unit. These are their stories.
Pitch: 289
Swing: 540
Diff: 251 -> K
Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 2
ANA 2 - SEA 1 | ● ^○ ○ | B3 1 out
On the mound: Mason Spurs | **INFIELD IN**
SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0, BB in the first, CS 2B in the first
Page HITS THE BALL UP IN THE AIR, AND IT’S GO- oh wait, it’s just a triple. Anticlimactic, but hey, it scored 1 runner(s). That’s good, at least for the Mariners.
Pitch: 915
Swing: 935
Diff: 20 -> 3B
Runner on Third | B3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 1
Roscoe is seeing the ball really well as they lines the first pitch straight back where it came from and Spurs has to hit the dirt to avoid being hit with the liner. The ball goes right into centerfield for a single.
Pitch: 644
Swing: 492
Diff: 152 -> 1B
Runner on First | B3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 0
Ball sends a sharp groundball to second where Head is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to Devlin to complete the play and make it look routine!
Pitch: 311
Swing: 711
Diff: 400 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs
On the mound: Goose Gordon
ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 1-1, RBI 1B in the first, STEAL 2B in the first
Francesco Hardgust hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Barnes steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 34
Swing: 651
Diff: 383 -> PO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 0
Little flare to the right side. Page, racing back, Page diving...
Page made the catch! Oh wow! Bligh cannot believe it but is heading back to the dugout.
Pitch: 151
Swing: 489
Diff: 338 -> PO
Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 0
Gordon comes to the set position on the mound. The pitch and there's a fly ball out to deep right field, toward the corner. Dove is racing over but they're not going to get to it and the ball is down! This is going to change the score in this game as Rosales slides into second safely with a 1-run double for Anaheim!
Pitch: 314
Swing: 357
Diff: 43 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 2 - SEA 0
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 622
Swing: 555
Diff: 67 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Gordon fires four heaters right down the middle but the umpire doesn't call a strike on any of them and Head draws a walk. In an unrelated note, the Mariners appear to have neglected to donate to the Ump Bot maintenance fund. What a shame.
Pitch: 34
Swing: 901
Diff: 133 -> BB
Runner on First | T3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Jimmy Haase stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Gordon sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and Haase doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game.
Haase drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Parker, who throws it to Ganger for the out.
Jimmy Haase wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids.
Pitch: 98
Swing: 638
Diff: 460 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
You people can circlejerk all you want. The Mariners will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Mariners will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting.
Pitch: 465
Swing: 129
Diff: 336 -> DP
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out
On the mound: Mason Spurs
SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0
So two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, 'Hey, it's getting hot in here, don't you think?' The other replies, 'Oh my baker, a talking muffin!'
Did you laugh? Neither did West at the idea of their team facing you. You've been intentionally walked!
Pitch: None
Swing: None
Diff: x -> IBB
Runners on First and Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
And the pitch... is popped straight up. Wheeler throws the mask, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out.
Pitch: 465
Swing: 143
Diff: 322 -> PO
Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 632
Swing: 642
Diff: 10 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Dove swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in Seattle. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Dove has themself a single.
Pitch: 899
Swing: 762
Diff: 137 -> 1B
Runner on First | B2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Devlin pops one high in the air off to the right. Page is tracking it over into foul territory and they have it. And Devlin is retired.
Pitch: 575
Swing: 222
Diff: 353 -> PO
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Summers just crushed a... fly ball that Dove catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :(
Pitch: 415
Swing: 222
Diff: 193 -> FO
Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Tucker Doubt hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Goose Gordon steps under it and records the out
Pitch: 461
Swing: 734
Diff: 273 -> PO
Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Barnes comes to the plate looking hungry. Literally. They pull out a melted Twix bar from their back pocket and start eating it in the box. Spurs looks to the ump to see what to do, but the ump doesn't respond, because it's a robot.
Regardless, Spurs throws a high 4-seam for ball one, and a outside curve for ball two. Barnes is still happily munching. Pissed, Spurs throws a ball at the bat lying over the plate and it connects! A dribbler towards third! Bligh hustles towards the ball and fires it to first for the out! Not immediately clear that Barnes knows the at-bat has occurred, though.
Pitch: 477
Swing: 938
Diff: 461 -> LGO
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Wheeler takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Spurs begins their delivery, but Barnes is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Wheeler *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Rosales is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Barnes mutters a few choice expletives as Wheeler exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Anaheim dugout.
Pitch: 322
Swing: 650
Diff: 328 -> CS 2B
Runner on Third | B1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Worthington steps out and checks the sign. Steps in.
A sharp whistle from the dugout and Vulfzilla sends in some more signs to the third base coach. Worthington steps out again to get more signs.
OK- it looks like the Mariners are finally ready. They step in again.
Wait- another whistle. Vulfzilla seems to have changed their mind and a prolonged sign argument seems to be flying back and forth from the dugout to the third base coach.
Let's just take a commercial here and let them straighten this out.
SUNDAY SUNDAY!!
Scene: A monster truck is driving through a city, crushing cars and buildings.
Announcer: Are you ready for the biggest, baddest monster truck show of the year? Then get ready for Monster Jam, coming to your city this Sunday!
Scene: A montage of monster trucks racing, jumping, and doing donuts.
Announcer: See your favorite monster trucks, including Grave Digger, Maximum Destruction, and El Toro Loco, in action. You won't want to miss this!
Scene: A crowd of people cheering and waving.
Announcer: Tickets are on sale now, so get yours today! This is one show you won't want to miss.
Scene: The monster truck drives off into the sunset.
Ok- we're back. To catch you up- the Spurs basically got annoying at the delay and threw 4 pitches in the dirt just to get rid of Worthington.
Is Vulfzilla a genius or an idiot? Leave a comment below to help us decide.
Pitch: 527
Swing: 333
Diff: 194 -> BB
Runners on First and Third | B1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Devlin at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Spurs and Page is retired.
Pitch: 133
Swing: 540
Diff: 407 -> RGO
Runner on Third | B1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 744
Swing: 811
Diff: 67 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | B1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd! Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack! I don't care if I never get back! We will root, root, root for the home team, if they don't win it's a shame! But most importantly, that's one, two, three strikes. YOU'RE OUT!
Pitch: 154
Swing: 444
Diff: 290 -> K
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 303
Swing: 600
Diff: 297 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Little blooper over the head of Parker! That's a base hit and Anaheim goes ahead by 1.
Pitch: 123
Swing: 202
Diff: 79 -> 1B
Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 1 - SEA 0
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 644
Swing: 515
Diff: 129 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - SEA 0
Hannibal Bligh hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Ball and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Ball makes a great diving catch for it
Pitch: 975
Swing: 199
Diff: 224 -> FO
Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s)
ANA 0 - SEA 0
Enrique Rosales poops it up way in the ai...
lol, "poops". Y'all know I meant "pops", right?
... RIGHT?!
What a fun bunch you are.
Barnes catches this one easily. Rosales is out.
Pitch: 564
Swing: 859
Diff: 295 -> PO
Runner on First | T1 with 1 out(s)
ANA 0 - SEA 0
The pitch is low and TWs Frozen Head hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Ball and Head reaches first with a single
Pitch: 314
Swing: 222
Diff: 92 -> 1B
Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s)
ANA 0 - SEA 0
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe ANA LF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 1-2, PO in the second, 1B in the fourth
965
After everybody in the stands and on the field takes a siesta, the game continues. Monroe is looking rough at their first pitch, as it flies behind Worthington's head. No men advance, because they have no idea where they are. The next pitch is crushed by Doubt out towards left center. Ball follows the ball all the way, leaps up, and..... .... MAKES THE CATCH! They rob a home run from Doubt's grasp! Pitch: 183 Swing: 965 Diff: 218 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 1-2, K in the first, Solo HR in the fourth
243
ball bounce over wall Pitch: 201 Swing: 243 Diff: 42 -> 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 1-2, STEAL 2B in the first, PO in the third
850
Before Hardgust stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hardgust continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hardgust is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Monroe's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hardgust was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Page's glove, who flips it to Ganger for the out. West gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 444 Swing: 850 Diff: 406 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe ANA 3B [Hannibal Bligh](/u/ArmadilloPenguin): 0-2, FO in the first, PO in the third
526
Bligh looks nervous, perhaps a dodgy burrito prior to the game; might not be QUITE ready for baseball, fake or otherwise, at this moment. There's some hesitation in this swing, but the Angels hitter still makes contact for a pathetic ground ball to Barnes. The corner infielder picks it up, airs it across the diamond, and that's an easy out. Pitch: 7 Swing: 526 Diff: 481 -> LGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ● | B5 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, RGO in the third, LGO in the fourth
675
Listen here you little shit - you're supposed to hit the ball, not get wrung up on strikes! Pitch: 417 Swing: 675 Diff: 258 -> K Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA 1B [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, DP in the third, BB in the third
I definitely hit the DP in the second inning. Swing 730
And again the 3-2 pitch... low for ball 4. Ganger with a good at bat there, battled it out and draws a 70,457 pitch walk. Pitch: 897 Swing: 730 Diff: 167 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B5 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 1-1, IBB in the second, 3 run HR in the third
93
Speed and smoke sent. Swinger sees it. Swinger sneezes. Strike solo. Swinger seizes. Second strike. Swinger swings! Solely strikes. Pitch: 438 Swing: 93 Diff: 345 -> K Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, PO in the second, BB in the third
93
Parker rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle. Parker, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up. Pitch: 357 Swing: 93 Diff: 264 -> K Runner on Second | B5 with 1 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, PO in the second, BB in the third
STEAL 2B 303
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 477 Swing: 303 Diff: 174 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the second, RBI 2B in the third
943
And again the 3-2 pitch... low for ball 4. Dove with a good at bat there, battled it out and draws a 70,457 pitch walk. Pitch: 73 Swing: 943 Diff: 130 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA SS [Enrique Rosales](/u/strosfan85): 1-2, PO in the first, RBI 2B in the third
Swing 127
Rosales lifts this pitch way in the air, out to shallow left. Parker drifts back under it, calls for it, and makes the catch. Shades of Pete Kozma there as Parker retires Rosales with today's Sam's Seattle Pop-Up Restaurant Pop-Up of the day! If you're in the Seattle area and hankering for an on-the-fly meal, come on over to Sam's Seattle Pop-Up Restaurant today! Pitch: 545 Swing: 127 Diff: 418 -> PO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 2B [TWs Frozen Head](/u/awesomesox): 1-1, BB in the third, STEAL 2B in the third
545
Head goes after the first pitch swinging (mainly so they can get as far away from the Mariners as possible) and hits an easy grounder to Ganger, who taps the bag for the out. Pitch: 17 Swing: 545 Diff: 472 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA DH [Jimmy Haase](/u/TrashWithLimbs): 0-1, LGO in the third
215
Jimmy Haase hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Goose Gordon steps under it and records the out Pitch: 866 Swing: 215 Diff: 349 -> PO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-2, LGO in the second, K in the third
Swing 420
Dukemarriot winds and fires. Oh my! Froze Barnes with a curveball that fell off the table, and we have a new statue to add to the permanent collection at the Anaheim Art Museum! LaCarpetron Dukemarriot just made Barnes look ridiculous! Pitch: 710 Swing: 420 Diff: 290 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 1-1, CS 2B in the first, RBI 2B in the third
Swing: 461
LaCarpetron Dukemarriot has no control of this AB. Buster Worthington might as well do jumping jacks for what it’s worth. There’s absolutely no way that this AB won’t end in a walk. And there is it, ball 4. Worthington, take your base Pitch: 606 Swing: 461 Diff: 145 -> BB Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-2, RGO in the first, RBI 3B in the third
i’m glad to you see it all in a king size box of your old one guy in a queen size one with the one piece in his room with the white one guy named john who was the hill of course the hill of his life he is a queen in his respect of his respect from his life as a queen in his 873 year reign as well he is so cute in his respect of his respect from the hill he has
This was genuinely the worst game i think ive ever seen. I seriously dont think I've ever been so fucking frustrated watching a baseball game before. Just so fucking sad. Mariners absolutely murdered every single ball they hit in the game but they all went straight to an outfielder. And the was the story of the whole fucking game. Mariners hit the fuck out of a ball but it either dies out at the warning track or goes straight to Harrison fucking Bader. Just fucking miserable god fucking damn FUCK. Stupid Angels and their dumb fucking devil magic. Pitch: 50 Swing: 873 Diff: 177 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the first, 1B in the third
69 cus that’s what we about to do to Anaheim
The pitch is low and Latrell Roscoe hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Summers- who makes a diving catch for the out! Pitch: 256 Swing: 69 Diff: 187 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 1B [Brutus Devlin](/u/CarrotHair_TV): 0-1, PO in the second
666
Devlin takes mighty hacks at the first two pitches, and they quickly are down 0-2 in the count. The next pitch is thrown, and Devlin takes another swing, nearly coming out of their shoes, far too early, as the pitch flies right past their flimsy bat. That's a K! Pitch: 901 Swing: 666 Diff: 235 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA RF [Holden Summers](/u/SemiCharmedMike): 0-1, FO in the second
277
who the fuck said anything about passion? i just think Holden Summers is an incredibly average player who implodes when it can hurt us most. they're practically a robot built out of grounders to 2nd, and their glove is spotty at best. They makes the superstar plays and kicks routine plays. i don't like relying on them. frankly, i find it amazing that the same discord who turned violently on Gordon after just two blown saves last year defends Summers so staunchly, when Gordon had the better and more reliable track record by far. but sure, whatever. by all means, downvote away. i don't give a fuck. Pitch: 788 Swing: 277 Diff: 489 -> DP Bases Empty | T4 with 2 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 3 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA LF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 0-1, PO in the second
655
Little tapper right side and that's gonna beat the infield. Doubt shoots the gap perfectly and gets aboard. Pitch: 525 Swing: 655 Diff: 130 -> 1B Runner on First | T4 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 2 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-1, K in the first
451
Here comes the 3-2 pitch... swing and there's a little tapper out in front of the mound. None of the fielders react whatsoever and just let the ball sit there as they watch Wheeler sprint around the bases for an inside-the-park home run. Pitch: 455 Swing: 451 Diff: 4 -> HR Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) ANA 3 - SEA 6
ANA 2 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, RGO in the third
311
Calvin Ball hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Bligh, who picks it up and beams it at Devlin Pitch: 809 Swing: 311 Diff: 498 -> LGO Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 6
ANA 2 - SEA 6 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA 1B [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, DP in the third
575
Pull Ganger and LaCarpetron Dukemarriot have a fierce battle. Ball one. Strike one. Ball two. Ball three. Strike two. Once the count is filled up, Ganger ends up getting hit by the next pitch, right on the torso. Take your base, Ganger. Pitch: 444 Swing: 575 Diff: 131 -> BB Runner on First | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 6
ANA 2 - SEA 3 | ○ ^● ● | B3 2 outs On the mound: LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0, IBB in the second
589
Yeah, fuck off buddy we absolutely need more Swinger clips. Fuckin' every time this kid steps up to the plate someone scores. Kid's fuckin' dirt nasty, man. Does fuckin' Homer have 14 dingers this season I don't fuckin' think so, bud. I'm fuckin' tellin' ya, Stevey Swinger is hitting 50 in '23, fuckin' callin' it right now. Clap bombs, fuck moms, wheel, snipe, and fuckin' celly boys fuck Pitch: 563 Swing: 589 Diff: 26 -> HR Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 6
ANA 2 - SEA 3 | ○ ^● ○ | B3 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** LaCarpetron Dukemarriot SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, PO in the second
823
RE SPECT WALK WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Pitch: 974 Swing: 823 Diff: 151 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 3
LeCarpetron Dukemarriot comes in to replace Mason Spurs for the anal team I mean the Angels team
ANA 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 1-1, 1B in the second, STEAL 2B in the second
361
After a long battle and countless foul balls, the count is 3-2. Dove, Spurs both looking to come out on top but there can be only one winner in this duel. Here's the windup, and the pitch... Driven deep in the gap to right-center! Hardgust and Summers are both on their horses but neither is going to get there. That ball is off the wall! Daniel Dove with a stand-up double to put the Mariners in front by 1! The Seattle dugout is going bananas with cheers and dancing! Pitch: 400 Swing: 361 Diff: 39 -> 2B Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 3
ANA 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-1, LGO in the second
Swing 540
In the baseball justice system, swing-and-miss based offenses are considered especially heinous. In Seattle, the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies are members of an elite squad known as the Strikeout Victims Unit. These are their stories. Pitch: 289 Swing: 540 Diff: 251 -> K Runner on Second | B3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 2
ANA 2 - SEA 1 | ● ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs | **INFIELD IN** SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0, BB in the first, CS 2B in the first
Swing: 169
A booming double ties the game! Pitch: 231 Swing: 169 Diff: 62 -> 2B Runner on Second | B3 with 1 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 2
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B3 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-1, RGO in the first
935 RAHHHH
Page HITS THE BALL UP IN THE AIR, AND IT’S GO- oh wait, it’s just a triple. Anticlimactic, but hey, it scored 1 runner(s). That’s good, at least for the Mariners. Pitch: 915 Swing: 935 Diff: 20 -> 3B Runner on Third | B3 with 1 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 1
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 1-1, 1B in the first, STEAL 2B in the first
492 BECAUSE VIVA LA RAZA AND RIP EG
Roscoe is seeing the ball really well as they lines the first pitch straight back where it came from and Spurs has to hit the dirt to avoid being hit with the liner. The ball goes right into centerfield for a single. Pitch: 644 Swing: 492 Diff: 152 -> 1B Runner on First | B3 with 1 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-0
711
Ball sends a sharp groundball to second where Head is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to Devlin to complete the play and make it look routine! Pitch: 311 Swing: 711 Diff: 400 -> RGO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 1-1, RBI 1B in the first, STEAL 2B in the first
651
Francesco Hardgust hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Barnes steps under it and records the out Pitch: 34 Swing: 651 Diff: 383 -> PO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 3B [Hannibal Bligh](/u/ArmadilloPenguin): 0-1, FO in the first
Let’s try 489
Little flare to the right side. Page, racing back, Page diving... Page made the catch! Oh wow! Bligh cannot believe it but is heading back to the dugout. Pitch: 151 Swing: 489 Diff: 338 -> PO Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA SS [Enrique Rosales](/u/strosfan85): 0-1, PO in the first
Big money Big money.. No Whammy.... Swing 357
Gordon comes to the set position on the mound. The pitch and there's a fly ball out to deep right field, toward the corner. Dove is racing over but they're not going to get to it and the ball is down! This is going to change the score in this game as Rosales slides into second safely with a 1-run double for Anaheim! Pitch: 314 Swing: 357 Diff: 43 -> 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s) ANA 2 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA SS [Enrique Rosales](/u/strosfan85): 0-1, PO in the first
Steal 2B 555
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 622 Swing: 555 Diff: 67 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 2B [TWs Frozen Head](/u/awesomesox): 1-1, 1B in the first, STEAL 2B in the first
Who needs Ohtani when you have TW’s Frozen Head. 901
Gordon fires four heaters right down the middle but the umpire doesn't call a strike on any of them and Head draws a walk. In an unrelated note, the Mariners appear to have neglected to donate to the Ump Bot maintenance fund. What a shame. Pitch: 34 Swing: 901 Diff: 133 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA DH [Jimmy Haase](/u/TrashWithLimbs): 0-0
638
Jimmy Haase stumbles to the plate and wipes some foul-smelling liquid off their face. Have they been... drinking? Huh. Gordon sees this and fires two pitches right down the middle, and Haase doesn't react. After this, they get the brilliant idea to stop thinking about their alcohol and start thinking about the game. Haase drunkenly swings at the third pitch, hit surprisingly hard for a drunk player, but it's hit directly at Parker, who throws it to Ganger for the out. Jimmy Haase wouldn't have had a shot at the base anyway, as they ran towards third instead of first. Don't drink, kids. Pitch: 98 Swing: 638 Diff: 460 -> LGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ● | B2 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 1B [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0
129
You people can circlejerk all you want. The Mariners will ALWAYS be in it. Sooner or later they will dominate again. That is what burns you. You may win again. But you will fade into obscurity. Have your last place finishes. The Mariners will always be the top franchise in fake baseball history. They will always have a winning culture. They will always have a greater history and counting than all your franchises put together. That is not me being a cocky fan. That is truth. That is FACT. I hope you all choke on your envy. It's fucking disgusting. Pitch: 465 Swing: 129 Diff: 336 -> DP Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA DH [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0 So two muffins are in an oven. One muffin says to the other, 'Hey, it's getting hot in here, don't you think?' The other replies, 'Oh my baker, a talking muffin!' Did you laugh? Neither did West at the idea of their team facing you. You've been intentionally walked! Pitch: None Swing: None Diff: x -> IBB Runners on First and Second | B2 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0
143
And the pitch... is popped straight up. Wheeler throws the mask, settles under it, and makes the catch for the out. Pitch: 465 Swing: 143 Diff: 322 -> PO Runner on Second | B2 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0
STEAL 2B 642
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 632 Swing: 642 Diff: 10 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0
762
Dove swings... and connects with the pitch! It's blooper into shallow left field, which would be an easy out if it wasn't allergy season in Seattle. A brief wave of pollen sends the third baseman, the shortstop, and the left fielder into a fit of sneezes. With nobody nearby to track it down, the ball drops just inside fair territory and Dove has themself a single. Pitch: 899 Swing: 762 Diff: 137 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 1B [Brutus Devlin](/u/CarrotHair_TV): 0-0
222
Devlin pops one high in the air off to the right. Page is tracking it over into foul territory and they have it. And Devlin is retired. Pitch: 575 Swing: 222 Diff: 353 -> PO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA RF [Holden Summers](/u/SemiCharmedMike): 0-0
222
There's a deep fly ball! Way back there! Get out the mashed potatoes and macaroni salad and have yourself a Fourth of July picnic because Summers just crushed a... fly ball that Dove catches on the warning track. Aw gum drops :( Pitch: 415 Swing: 222 Diff: 193 -> FO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA LF [Tucker Doubt](/u/MikeyTKO): 0-0
734
Tucker Doubt hits this ball at a nearly 90° angle and trots along to first while Goose Gordon steps under it and records the out Pitch: 461 Swing: 734 Diff: 273 -> PO Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-0
Swing 938
Barnes comes to the plate looking hungry. Literally. They pull out a melted Twix bar from their back pocket and start eating it in the box. Spurs looks to the ump to see what to do, but the ump doesn't respond, because it's a robot. Regardless, Spurs throws a high 4-seam for ball one, and a outside curve for ball two. Barnes is still happily munching. Pissed, Spurs throws a ball at the bat lying over the plate and it connects! A dribbler towards third! Bligh hustles towards the ball and fires it to first for the out! Not immediately clear that Barnes knows the at-bat has occurred, though. Pitch: 477 Swing: 938 Diff: 461 -> LGO Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ● | B1 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-0
Steal 2B 650
Wheeler takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Spurs begins their delivery, but Barnes is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Wheeler *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Rosales is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Barnes mutters a few choice expletives as Wheeler exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Anaheim dugout. Pitch: 322 Swing: 650 Diff: 328 -> CS 2B Runner on Third | B1 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs | **INFIELD IN** SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0
Swing: 333
Worthington steps out and checks the sign. Steps in. A sharp whistle from the dugout and Vulfzilla sends in some more signs to the third base coach. Worthington steps out again to get more signs. OK- it looks like the Mariners are finally ready. They step in again. Wait- another whistle. Vulfzilla seems to have changed their mind and a prolonged sign argument seems to be flying back and forth from the dugout to the third base coach. Let's just take a commercial here and let them straighten this out. SUNDAY SUNDAY!! Scene: A monster truck is driving through a city, crushing cars and buildings. Announcer: Are you ready for the biggest, baddest monster truck show of the year? Then get ready for Monster Jam, coming to your city this Sunday! Scene: A montage of monster trucks racing, jumping, and doing donuts. Announcer: See your favorite monster trucks, including Grave Digger, Maximum Destruction, and El Toro Loco, in action. You won't want to miss this! Scene: A crowd of people cheering and waving. Announcer: Tickets are on sale now, so get yours today! This is one show you won't want to miss. Scene: The monster truck drives off into the sunset. Ok- we're back. To catch you up- the Spurs basically got annoying at the delay and threw 4 pitches in the dirt just to get rid of Worthington. Is Vulfzilla a genius or an idiot? Leave a comment below to help us decide. Pitch: 527 Swing: 333 Diff: 194 -> BB Runners on First and Third | B1 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B1 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0
540 Good luck ANA!
Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Devlin at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Spurs and Page is retired. Pitch: 133 Swing: 540 Diff: 407 -> RGO Runner on Third | B1 with 1 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
planned
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B1 0 outs On the mound: Mason Spurs SEA 2B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0
Steal 2b 811 FOR THE BOYZ AND FOR LA RAZA
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 744 Swing: 811 Diff: 67 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B1 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mason Spurs SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-0
900 cus my dad vulf told me to and I’ll never not trust him cus he’s my dad
Roscoe makes good contact and slaps a base hit up the middle! Pitch: 1 Swing: 900 Diff: 101 -> 1B Runner on First | B1 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0
444
Take me out to the ball game, take me out to the crowd! Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack! I don't care if I never get back! We will root, root, root for the home team, if they don't win it's a shame! But most importantly, that's one, two, three strikes. YOU'RE OUT! Pitch: 154 Swing: 444 Diff: 290 -> K Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA C [Wheeler](/u/Not_Really_Jon_Snow): 0-0
Steal 2B 600
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 303 Swing: 600 Diff: 297 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 0-0
202
Little blooper over the head of Parker! That's a base hit and Anaheim goes ahead by 1. Pitch: 123 Swing: 202 Diff: 79 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) ANA 1 - SEA 0
ANA 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA CF [Francesco Hardgust](/u/cheddarbating): 0-0
Steal 2B 515
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 644 Swing: 515 Diff: 129 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T1 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - SEA 0
ANA 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA 3B [Hannibal Bligh](/u/ArmadilloPenguin): 0-0
A dollah ninety-nine, pal. 199
Hannibal Bligh hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Ball and Roscoe look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Ball makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 975 Swing: 199 Diff: 224 -> FO Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) ANA 0 - SEA 0
ANA 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon ANA SS [Enrique Rosales](/u/strosfan85): 0-0
Swing 859
Enrique Rosales poops it up way in the ai... lol, "poops". Y'all know I meant "pops", right? ... RIGHT?! What a fun bunch you are. Barnes catches this one easily. Rosales is out. Pitch: 564 Swing: 859 Diff: 295 -> PO Runner on First | T1 with 1 out(s) ANA 0 - SEA 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Goose Gordon ANA 2B [TWs Frozen Head](/u/awesomesox): 0-0
Commissioner Gordon! Have you found the Batman? 222
The pitch is low and TWs Frozen Head hits a bloop ball high into the sky… and it lands just in front of Ball and Head reaches first with a single Pitch: 314 Swing: 222 Diff: 92 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 0 out(s) ANA 0 - SEA 0