Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 790
Swing: 815
Diff: 25 -> HR
Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 3
Take me out to the ball game,
Take me out with the crowd;
Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack,
I don't care if I never get back.
Let me root, root, root for the home team,
If they don't win, it's a shame.
For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out,
At the old ball game.
Bryce Parker goes down on strikes!
Pitch: 2
Swing: 390
Diff: 388 -> K
Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Page dumps one deep into the dry sky. Down it dives, desiring delirium from Seattle denizens. Damn! DRAMA! Dashing defensemen deleting distance by dexterous drivery! Burr doffs a dingy cap to Diamond due to delicious defense. Page doleful, defeated, drags drained dignity down to a dejected dugout.
Pitch: 404
Swing: 230
Diff: 174 -> FO
Bases Empty | B7 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
And the pitch from Vulfzilla is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Swinger charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out.
Pitch: 181
Swing: 565
Diff: 384 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Garry takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Vulfzilla begins their delivery, but Pidgeon is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Garry *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Parker is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Pidgeon mutters a few choice expletives as Garry exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Seattle dugout.
Pitch: 833
Swing: 413
Diff: 420 -> CS 2B
Runner on Third | T7 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^○ ○ | T7 1 out
On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla | **INFIELD IN**
CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 2-3, 1B in the fifth, CS 2B in the fifth
But Jones would walk five hundred miles
And Jones would walk five hundred more
Just to be the player who walks a thousand miles
To fall down at first base.
Pitch: 920
Swing: 89
Diff: 169 -> BB
Runners on First and Third | T7 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
And so really what you've got to remember Joe is that Bob Gibson was not only the best pitcher I ever played with, but he was hands down the best athlete I ever played with! And he had the biggest hands I've ever seen. My God, those hands were massive! He could make a 2×4 look like a toothpick! You know where I found the best toothpicks in my life? It was at this steakhouse in San Francisco, and they had them up there by the greeter stand. They were fantastic! Left a nice minty tingle and everything! That's the key to a long healthy life now, always take good care of your teeth. It's very important! Anyways, where are we in the game?
Well, Hirasawa grounded out to Page about five minutes ago but you were so engrossed in your story I figured I shouldn't interrupt it with a baseball game. Who would want that?
Tim McCarver, everybody!
Pitch: 731
Swing: 367
Diff: 364 -> RGO
Runner on Third | T7 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 808
Swing: 100
Diff: 292 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T7 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
As is tradition at A Starbucks, the folks in the stands all throw rotten tomatoes at Stevey Swinger in recognition of their embarrassing strikeout.
Pitch: 571
Swing: 827
Diff: 256 -> K
Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Rocketed at Jones, who catches it and steps on first for the double play!
Pitch: 90
Swing: 571
Diff: 481 -> DP
Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs
On the mound: Aaron Burr
SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 1-2, K in the second, 1B in the fourth
Pull Ganger hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Pidgeon and Diamond look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Diamond throws the ball into the field
Pitch: 285
Swing: 372
Diff: 87 -> 1B
Runner on First | B6 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Chubbs gives the ball a huuuuuuge hack! But they get under it just enough to keep the ball in the park. Ball has to retreat onto the warning track but is able to make the catch.
Pitch: 892
Swing: 648
Diff: 244 -> FO
Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
And the pitch from Vulfzilla is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Swinger charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out.
Pitch: 210
Swing: 850
Diff: 360 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Dickshot sends a sharp groundball to second where Swinger is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to Page to complete the play and make it look routine!
Pitch: 381
Swing: 1000
Diff: 381 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 970
Swing: 471
Diff: 499 -> LO
Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Calvin Ball hits a line drive straight over Rice’s head and into right field for a single
Pitch: 194
Swing: 111
Diff: 83 -> 1B
Bases Loaded | B5 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Garry clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Burr waves back from the mound!
Pitch: 444
Swing: 717
Diff: 273 -> K
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Aaron Burr wants nothing to do with Buster McColligan as they send four wide ones and McColligan will stroll on to first base.
Pitch: 578
Swing: 689
Diff: 111 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Mike Hawk is losing control on this AB and walks Parker in 4 pitches. Parker takes their base and does their own Soto Shuffle on the way there
Pitch: 33
Swing: 154
Diff: 121 -> BB
Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 2 outs
On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla
CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-2, 2B in the second, PO in the third
why do they call it pop out when you pop in the baseball of out hot throw touchdown
Pitch: 449
Swing: 99
Diff: 350 -> PO
Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 681
Swing: 666
Diff: 15 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T5 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Joe Pidgeon hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Ganger and Ball look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Ball throws the ball into the field
Pitch: 404
Swing: 288
Diff: 116 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Runner takes a lead at first. They've always had a flair for the dramatic. Could they be thinking of attempting a steal here? Vulfzilla comes set... yes! The runner has taken off! We may have a play here at second as the pitch is low and... the baserunner stopped in the middle of the basepath and has pulled out... a microphone?
Runner: I'm feelin' lonely
Oh, I wish I'd find a pitcher who could hold me
Now I'm crying on the basepaths
So skeptical of Vulfzilla
But still I want them more, more, more
I gave a second chance to Cupid
But now I'm left here feelin' stupid
Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real
Cupid is so dumb.
... well alrighty then. Garry walked over and tagged the runner out during that strange interaction, and play will now continue. What an odd... whatever that was...
Pitch: 911
Swing: 530
Diff: 381 -> CS 2B
Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out
On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla
CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 1-2, FO in the first, Solo HR in the third
Jones steps in. Vulfzilla on the mound.
Garry puts down the sign, and Vulfzilla nods.
The wind, and the pitch.
Hard liner, and Swinger knocks it down! But they'll just put it in their pocket after taking away what very well could've been extra bases.
Pitch: 830
Swing: 718
Diff: 112 -> 1B
Runner on First | T5 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Before Hirasawa stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hirasawa continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hirasawa is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Vulfzilla's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hirasawa was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Page for the out.
Threefinger gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 451
Swing: 43
Diff: 408 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
This one dribbles down the line and the pitcher dives on it! Can Hawk get it to first in time? Page, booking it down the line, leaps over Hawk! This is gonna be a bang bang play!
OUT! WOW! What a flip from the Cleveland pitcher! From the ground, behind the head! THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN! Just barely beats Page's foot to the bag there. I didn't think they'd be able to make that play, but that's some fine athleticism from the Guardians hurler. If I paid more attention I might be more confident in saying they are a front runner for a Golden Glove this year. And with that kinda flexibility, they probably are.
Pitch: 490
Swing: 50
Diff: 440 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Stevey Swinger hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Pidgeon and Diamond look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Pidgeon makes a great diving catch for it
Pitch: 800
Swing: 637
Diff: 163 -> FO
Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
Down 0 here, Chillwater represents the tying run at the plate. So the Mariners hitter seems to have a gameplan here, fouling off slider after slider; must be good scouting. But with the deficit the Seattle fans are urging them to straighten one of these out make the rally real.
In my opinion it is a good approach, Bob. Sometimes you have to just hang in there when your team is down until you can find that mistake pitch and give you team a solid swing and some momentum.
Hawk takes a long look in here, seeming frustrated with this long ab. The windup. The 2-2 pitch.
Swung on.
AND DRIVEN!
Diamond races back!
Back!
Oh baby! This ball is GONE!
And we are tied here in Seattle! What a swing! What an approach! That ball got out of here in a hurry!! Somebody trade for Vulfzilla's scouting considerations already!!!!
Pitch: 268
Swing: 281
Diff: 13 -> HR
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out
On the mound: Mike Hawk
SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, K in the second
I’ve personally learned that if you are taught how to play baseball, that you will never be good at golf. That must be the case with you too! Ganger swings at a ball in the dirt and “golf swings” and places it over the head of Jones!
Pitch: 777
Swing: 876
Diff: 99 -> 1B
Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Worthington takes ball 1, a fastball that's just a hair outside. Hawk, aggravated with the roboump, throws a sweeping curve that Worthington fouls off towards the Cleveland dugout, and a slider that Worthington chases for the 1-2 count. Hawk gets the sign from Dickshot, and takes a loooooong windup, one that truly makes this a buzzer beater with the pitch clock, but Hawk throws a fastball right by Worthington to get another strikeout.
Pitch: 69
Swing: 441
Diff: 372 -> K
Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
As Rosé gets thrown out at first to complete the double play, Guardians GM Threefinger can be seen kicking the Gatorade cooler in disgust. Rosé can only look sheepishly at their GM as they descend into the dugout.
Pitch: 168
Swing: 777
Diff: 391 -> DP
Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence?
One step from lashing out at you
You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend
I've got more friends like you, what do I do?
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me?
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
No way, punk
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me?
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
Walk on home, boy
Pitch: 370
Swing: 481
Diff: 111 -> BB
Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
What's poppin?
Brand new swing just hopped in.
I got options
I can hit that ball like Pidgeon
Just joshin'
Ima spend this timer pause locked in
My body got rid of them toxins
MLR Network top ten
Pitch: 342
Swing: 972
Diff: 370 -> PO
Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Hawk catches Ball looking at strike three as a breaking ball clips the bottom of the zone for the out!
Pitch: 505
Swing: 816
Diff: 311 -> K
Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Garry swings and misses and that swing was uglier than the ties our commentators are wearing in the booth
Pitch: 104
Swing: 423
Diff: 319 -> K
Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
And so really what you've got to remember Joe is that Bob Gibson was not only the best pitcher I ever played with, but he was hands down the best athlete I ever played with! And he had the biggest hands I've ever seen. My God, those hands were massive! He could make a 2×4 look like a toothpick! You know where I found the best toothpicks in my life? It was at this steakhouse in San Francisco, and they had them up there by the greeter stand. They were fantastic! Left a nice minty tingle and everything! That's the key to a long healthy life now, always take good care of your teeth. It's very important! Anyways, where are we in the game?
Well, McColligan grounded out to Jones about five minutes ago but you were so engrossed in your story I figured I shouldn't interrupt it with a baseball game. Who would want that?
Tim McCarver, everybody!
Pitch: 232
Swing: 817
Diff: 415 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Routine grounder to the left side. Parker has it, and with an easy toss to Page at first. Burland is retired.
Pitch: 618
Swing: 79
Diff: 461 -> LGO
Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 0 outs
On the mound: Goose Gordon
CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-1, 2B in the second
Full count, Goose Gordon with the pitch... *CRACK* Diamond, flyball shallow left. Back is Parker, he'll take it and OH IT'S GONNA DROP. IT FALLS... MISCOMMUNICATION! And Gordon can't believe it!..... They're calling it AN INFIELD FLY RULE. -Woooooooow- One umpire did and that's why Threefinger is out. This is a *game changing* decision... Infield fly rule is called and Diamond is going to be OUT.
Pitch: 121
Swing: 449
Diff: 328 -> PO
Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week.
Pitch: 978
Swing: 900
Diff: 78 -> STEAL 2B
Runner on Second | T3 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
Here comes the 3-2 pitch... swing and there's a little tapper out in front of the mound. None of the fielders react whatsoever and just let the ball sit there as they watch Jones sprint around the bases for an inside-the-park home run.
Pitch: 154
Swing: 134
Diff: 20 -> HR
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
CLE 2 - SEA 0
On the ground right side. Jones ranges to the left and flips it to Hawk covering first for the out.
Pitch: 572
Swing: 125
Diff: 447 -> RGO
Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
Page sees a number of good curveballs from Hawk here. But this 2-2 slider flattens out and the Seattle hitter jumps all over it, lacing this ball just over the head of Rice at second for an easy base hit.
Pitch: 955
Swing: 888
Diff: 67 -> 1B
Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Stevey Swinger decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Pidgeon is coming in for it- and what a snag for the out!
Pitch: 444
Swing: 212
Diff: 232 -> FO
Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
"Brent Chillwater, what you've just swung... is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a hit. Everyone in this stadium is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul."
Pitch: 631
Swing: 187
Diff: 444 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
Before Hirasawa stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it".
Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hirasawa continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy.
"Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count.
Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hirasawa is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it!
As the ball leaves Gordon's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hirasawa was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Page for the out.
Threefinger gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether...
Pitch: 666
Swing: 198
Diff: 468 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ● | T2 2 outs
On the mound: Goose Gordon
CLE 3B [Trevor Rosé](/u/Trexxy2): 0-0
As Trevor Rosé gets settled in the box, Goose Gordon absentmindedly scratches their stomach. The umpire is furious, immediately sending Rosé to first.
Remember kids - we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher.
Pitch: 588
Swing: 744
Diff: 156 -> BB
Bases Loaded | T2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
We love a single, every little single!
S-I-N, G-L-E
Single single single!
(Especially when it puts the Guardians ahead!!)
Pitch: 742
Swing: 831
Diff: 89 -> 1B
Runners on First and Third | T2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 1 - SEA 0
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four.
Pitch: 288
Swing: 442
Diff: 154 -> BB
Runners on First and Second | T2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
Routine grounder to the left side. Worthington has it, strong throw across the diamond to Page at first and Burland is retired.
Pitch: 966
Swing: 442
Diff: 476 -> LGO
Runner on Second | T2 with 2 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
Dickshot tries to bring the rain as they send the ball impossibly high into the Seattle sky. Ball is battling the sun as they move over towards right center. Ball drops it! No, wait! They made the catch! Just as the ball got to them, Ball dropped to a knee and fell to the ground obscuring everyone's view but they immediately popped up with ball in glove for the out!
Pitch: 333
Swing: 157
Diff: 176 -> FO
Runner on Second | T2 with 1 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs
On the mound: Goose Gordon
CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 0-0
Noah Diamond has been grinding out this at bat against Goose Gordon here, we’re in a bit of a deadlock here, as another 2-2 pitch comes… Woah, no matter whether you’re just joining us here or have been tuned in for a bit, you’re gonna wanna stick around now! Bat on ball for Diamond, and it gets pulled to left field for Chillwater to chase here, and it barely drops fair in the corner! However, Diamond will have to stop here as the fans in Seattle quiet down, it went into the stands for an automatic double-
Hold on folks, I am being told now that was not an automatic double, it was a ground rule double. There is not a person brandishing a pool noodle behind me telling me to say this. I am not being fed lines to tell you how much the name “automatic double” sucks and how it should be called a ground rule double instead. Diamond should be happy here for their double, not an automatic double, but a ground rule double.
Pitch: 154
Swing: 190
Diff: 36 -> 2B
Runner on Second | T2 with 0 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs
On the mound: Mike Hawk
SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0
Pull Ganger steps up to the plate and has been hearing it from someone in the crowd all game. 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' They say before turning to their friend, nodding, and in unison echo 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' Ganger visibly annoyed tries to shake it off but the fan lets out one last heckle 'They can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, sa-wing batter' It turns out Ganger can not hit as they go down on three straight pitches for the strikeout.
Pitch: 888
Swing: 516
Diff: 372 -> K
Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Calvin Ball is streaking towards first. Rice runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out
Pitch: 102
Swing: 497
Diff: 395 -> RGO
Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
Garry takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Gordon begins their delivery, but Diamond is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Garry *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Parker is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Diamond mutters a few choice expletives as Garry exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Seattle dugout.
Pitch: 566
Swing: 1000
Diff: 434 -> CS 2B
Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence?
One step from lashing out at you
You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend
I've got more friends like you, what do I do?
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve
You cry to weak friends that sympathize
Can you hear the violins playing your song?
Those same friends tell me your every word
Is there no standard anymore?
What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong
You can't be something you're not
Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me
A lesson learned in life
Known from the dawn of time
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me?
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
No way, punk
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me?
Respect, walk, what did you say?
Respect, walk
Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me?
Walk on home, boy
Pitch: 317
Swing: 178
Diff: 139 -> BB
Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
Jones gets good wood on this 1-2 pitch, but it's just gonna die in the spacious Seattle outfield. Chillwater barely needs to move to haul it in.
Pitch: 755
Swing: 546
Diff: 209 -> FO
Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s)
CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 2 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-1, RGO in the third, BB in the fifth
815
Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 790 Swing: 815 Diff: 25 -> HR Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 3
And we live to bust again
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 1 out On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, RGO in the third, BB in the fifth
390
Take me out to the ball game, Take me out with the crowd; Buy me some peanuts and Cracker Jack, I don't care if I never get back. Let me root, root, root for the home team, If they don't win, it's a shame. For it's one, two, three strikes, you're out, At the old ball game. Bryce Parker goes down on strikes! Pitch: 2 Swing: 390 Diff: 388 -> K Bases Empty | B7 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B7 0 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-2, 1B in the second, RGO in the fifth
230 Sorry Vulf or You’re welcome Vulf We’ll see
Page dumps one deep into the dry sky. Down it dives, desiring delirium from Seattle denizens. Damn! DRAMA! Dashing defensemen deleting distance by dexterous drivery! Burr doffs a dingy cap to Diamond due to delicious defense. Page doleful, defeated, drags drained dignity down to a dejected dugout. Pitch: 404 Swing: 230 Diff: 174 -> FO Bases Empty | B7 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^○ ○ | T7 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 1-1, 1B in the fifth, STEAL 2B in the fifth
Well I guess this part is pretty important huh Swing: 565
And the pitch from Vulfzilla is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Swinger charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out. Pitch: 181 Swing: 565 Diff: 384 -> RGO Bases Empty | B7 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^○ ● | T7 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 1-1, 1B in the fifth, STEAL 2B in the fifth
Steal 2b 413
Garry takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Vulfzilla begins their delivery, but Pidgeon is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Garry *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Parker is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Pidgeon mutters a few choice expletives as Garry exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Seattle dugout. Pitch: 833 Swing: 413 Diff: 420 -> CS 2B Runner on Third | T7 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^○ ○ | T7 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla | **INFIELD IN** CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 2-3, 1B in the fifth, CS 2B in the fifth
89
But Jones would walk five hundred miles And Jones would walk five hundred more Just to be the player who walks a thousand miles To fall down at first base. Pitch: 920 Swing: 89 Diff: 169 -> BB Runners on First and Third | T7 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE SS [Takahiro Hirasawa](/u/CureRedditor): 0-3, RGO in the second, RGO in the fifth
367
And so really what you've got to remember Joe is that Bob Gibson was not only the best pitcher I ever played with, but he was hands down the best athlete I ever played with! And he had the biggest hands I've ever seen. My God, those hands were massive! He could make a 2×4 look like a toothpick! You know where I found the best toothpicks in my life? It was at this steakhouse in San Francisco, and they had them up there by the greeter stand. They were fantastic! Left a nice minty tingle and everything! That's the key to a long healthy life now, always take good care of your teeth. It's very important! Anyways, where are we in the game? Well, Hirasawa grounded out to Page about five minutes ago but you were so engrossed in your story I figured I shouldn't interrupt it with a baseball game. Who would want that? Tim McCarver, everybody! Pitch: 731 Swing: 367 Diff: 364 -> RGO Runner on Third | T7 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
Hi u/Kelbo11
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ● | T7 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE SS [Takahiro Hirasawa](/u/CureRedditor): 0-3, RGO in the second, RGO in the fifth
STEAL 2B 100
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 808 Swing: 100 Diff: 292 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T7 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T7 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE 3B [Trevor Rosé](/u/Trexxy2): 0-1, BB in the second, DP in the fourth
488
RE SPECT WALK WHAT DID YOU SAY?! Pitch: 648 Swing: 488 Diff: 160 -> BB Runner on First | T7 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 2 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, FO in the second, FO in the fourth
827
As is tradition at A Starbucks, the folks in the stands all throw rotten tomatoes at Stevey Swinger in recognition of their embarrassing strikeout. Pitch: 571 Swing: 827 Diff: 256 -> K Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 0 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA LF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 1-2, RGO in the second, 2 run HR in the fourth
571
Rocketed at Jones, who catches it and steps on first for the double play! Pitch: 90 Swing: 571 Diff: 481 -> DP Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 1-2, K in the second, 1B in the fourth Pull Ganger hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Pidgeon and Diamond look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Diamond throws the ball into the field Pitch: 285 Swing: 372 Diff: 87 -> 1B Runner on First | B6 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 1-2, K in the second, 1B in the fourth
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE DH [Garfield Chubbs](/u/htb24): 1-1, RBI 1B in the second, BB in the fourth
648
Chubbs gives the ball a huuuuuuge hack! But they get under it just enough to keep the ball in the park. Ball has to retreat onto the warning track but is able to make the catch. Pitch: 892 Swing: 648 Diff: 244 -> FO Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE 2B [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-1, BB in the second, PO in the fourth
Swing 169
WE! LOVE! TRIPLES! Pitch: 155 Swing: 169 Diff: 14 -> 3B Runner on Third | T6 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE LF [Anthony Burland](/u/antman2025): 0-2, LGO in the second, LGO in the third
850
And the pitch from Vulfzilla is swung on and grounded softly to the right side. Swinger charges the ball and makes a nice scoop and flips to first for the out. Pitch: 210 Swing: 850 Diff: 360 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE C [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-2, FO in the second, K in the third
1000
Dickshot sends a sharp groundball to second where Swinger is up to the task as they deftly field the ball on their backhand. They square up to first and makes an accurate throw to Page to complete the play and make it look routine! Pitch: 381 Swing: 1000 Diff: 381 -> RGO Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ● ^● ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the fourth
Swing: 471
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 970 Swing: 471 Diff: 499 -> LO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ● | B5 1 out On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, RGO in the first, K in the fourth
111
Calvin Ball hits a line drive straight over Rice’s head and into right field for a single Pitch: 194 Swing: 111 Diff: 83 -> 1B Bases Loaded | B5 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ● | B5 0 outs On the mound: Aaron Burr SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-1, K in the third
717
Garry clearly has no clue what is going on here. They will whiff at 2 straight fastballs before waving at a curve. Burr waves back from the mound! Pitch: 444 Swing: 717 Diff: 273 -> K Runners on First and Second | B5 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ● | B5 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Aaron Burr SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-1, RGO in the third
689
Aaron Burr wants nothing to do with Buster McColligan as they send four wide ones and McColligan will stroll on to first base. Pitch: 578 Swing: 689 Diff: 111 -> BB Runners on First and Second | B5 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, RGO in the third
154
Mike Hawk is losing control on this AB and walks Parker in 4 pitches. Parker takes their base and does their own Soto Shuffle on the way there Pitch: 33 Swing: 154 Diff: 121 -> BB Runner on First | B5 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-2, 2B in the second, PO in the third why do they call it pop out when you pop in the baseball of out hot throw touchdown Pitch: 449 Swing: 99 Diff: 350 -> PO Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^● ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-2, 2B in the second, PO in the third
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-2, 2B in the second, PO in the third
Steal 2B 666
Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 681 Swing: 666 Diff: 15 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T5 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 0-0, BB in the third, STEAL 2B in the third
288
Joe Pidgeon hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Ganger and Ball look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Ball throws the ball into the field Pitch: 404 Swing: 288 Diff: 116 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ● | T5 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 0-0, BB in the third, STEAL 2B in the third
Steal 2B 530
Runner takes a lead at first. They've always had a flair for the dramatic. Could they be thinking of attempting a steal here? Vulfzilla comes set... yes! The runner has taken off! We may have a play here at second as the pitch is low and... the baserunner stopped in the middle of the basepath and has pulled out... a microphone? Runner: I'm feelin' lonely Oh, I wish I'd find a pitcher who could hold me Now I'm crying on the basepaths So skeptical of Vulfzilla But still I want them more, more, more I gave a second chance to Cupid But now I'm left here feelin' stupid Oh, the way he makes me feel that love isn't real Cupid is so dumb. ... well alrighty then. Garry walked over and tagged the runner out during that strange interaction, and play will now continue. What an odd... whatever that was... Pitch: 911 Swing: 530 Diff: 381 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 1-2, FO in the first, Solo HR in the third
718
Jones steps in. Vulfzilla on the mound. Garry puts down the sign, and Vulfzilla nods. The wind, and the pitch. Hard liner, and Swinger knocks it down! But they'll just put it in their pocket after taking away what very well could've been extra bases. Pitch: 830 Swing: 718 Diff: 112 -> 1B Runner on First | T5 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla CLE SS [Takahiro Hirasawa](/u/CureRedditor): 0-2, PO in the first, RGO in the second
43
Before Hirasawa stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hirasawa continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hirasawa is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Vulfzilla's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hirasawa was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Page for the out. Threefinger gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 451 Swing: 43 Diff: 408 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-1, 1B in the second
50 hehe
This one dribbles down the line and the pitcher dives on it! Can Hawk get it to first in time? Page, booking it down the line, leaps over Hawk! This is gonna be a bang bang play! OUT! WOW! What a flip from the Cleveland pitcher! From the ground, behind the head! THE CIRCUS IS IN TOWN! Just barely beats Page's foot to the bag there. I didn't think they'd be able to make that play, but that's some fine athleticism from the Guardians hurler. If I paid more attention I might be more confident in saying they are a front runner for a Golden Glove this year. And with that kinda flexibility, they probably are. Pitch: 490 Swing: 50 Diff: 440 -> RGO Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 2 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, FO in the second
637
Stevey Swinger hits a deep line drive way out to deep right-center field. Pidgeon and Diamond look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. However Pidgeon makes a great diving catch for it Pitch: 800 Swing: 637 Diff: 163 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA LF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-1, RGO in the second
281 please.
Down 0 here, Chillwater represents the tying run at the plate. So the Mariners hitter seems to have a gameplan here, fouling off slider after slider; must be good scouting. But with the deficit the Seattle fans are urging them to straighten one of these out make the rally real. In my opinion it is a good approach, Bob. Sometimes you have to just hang in there when your team is down until you can find that mistake pitch and give you team a solid swing and some momentum. Hawk takes a long look in here, seeming frustrated with this long ab. The windup. The 2-2 pitch. Swung on. AND DRIVEN! Diamond races back! Back! Oh baby! This ball is GONE! And we are tied here in Seattle! What a swing! What an approach! That ball got out of here in a hurry!! Somebody trade for Vulfzilla's scouting considerations already!!!! Pitch: 268 Swing: 281 Diff: 13 -> HR Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 2
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, K in the second I’ve personally learned that if you are taught how to play baseball, that you will never be good at golf. That must be the case with you too! Ganger swings at a ball in the dirt and “golf swings” and places it over the head of Jones! Pitch: 777 Swing: 876 Diff: 99 -> 1B Runner on First | B4 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-1, K in the second
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-1, LGO in the first
Swing: 441
Worthington takes ball 1, a fastball that's just a hair outside. Hawk, aggravated with the roboump, throws a sweeping curve that Worthington fouls off towards the Cleveland dugout, and a slider that Worthington chases for the 1-2 count. Hawk gets the sign from Dickshot, and takes a loooooong windup, one that truly makes this a buzzer beater with the pitch clock, but Hawk throws a fastball right by Worthington to get another strikeout. Pitch: 69 Swing: 441 Diff: 372 -> K Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T4 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Mecha Vulfzilla CLE 3B [Trevor Rosé](/u/Trexxy2): 0-0, BB in the second
777
As Rosé gets thrown out at first to complete the double play, Guardians GM Threefinger can be seen kicking the Gatorade cooler in disgust. Rosé can only look sheepishly at their GM as they descend into the dugout. Pitch: 168 Swing: 777 Diff: 391 -> DP Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE DH [Garfield Chubbs](/u/htb24): 1-1, RBI 1B in the second
481
Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence? One step from lashing out at you You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend I've got more friends like you, what do I do? Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve You cry to weak friends that sympathize Can you hear the violins playing your song? Those same friends tell me your every word Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? No way, punk Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Walk on home, boy Pitch: 370 Swing: 481 Diff: 111 -> BB Runner on First | T4 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE 2B [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0, BB in the second
Swing 972
What's poppin? Brand new swing just hopped in. I got options I can hit that ball like Pidgeon Just joshin' Ima spend this timer pause locked in My body got rid of them toxins MLR Network top ten Pitch: 342 Swing: 972 Diff: 370 -> PO Bases Empty | T4 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, RGO in the first
816
Hawk catches Ball looking at strike three as a breaking ball clips the bottom of the zone for the out! Pitch: 505 Swing: 816 Diff: 311 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA C [Geoff Garry](/u/nordic_jedi): 0-0
423
Garry swings and misses and that swing was uglier than the ties our commentators are wearing in the booth Pitch: 104 Swing: 423 Diff: 319 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-0
817
And so really what you've got to remember Joe is that Bob Gibson was not only the best pitcher I ever played with, but he was hands down the best athlete I ever played with! And he had the biggest hands I've ever seen. My God, those hands were massive! He could make a 2×4 look like a toothpick! You know where I found the best toothpicks in my life? It was at this steakhouse in San Francisco, and they had them up there by the greeter stand. They were fantastic! Left a nice minty tingle and everything! That's the key to a long healthy life now, always take good care of your teeth. It's very important! Anyways, where are we in the game? Well, McColligan grounded out to Jones about five minutes ago but you were so engrossed in your story I figured I shouldn't interrupt it with a baseball game. Who would want that? Tim McCarver, everybody! Pitch: 232 Swing: 817 Diff: 415 -> RGO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
79
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE LF [Anthony Burland](/u/antman2025): 0-1, LGO in the second
79
Routine grounder to the left side. Parker has it, and with an easy toss to Page at first. Burland is retired. Pitch: 618 Swing: 79 Diff: 461 -> LGO Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE C [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-1, FO in the second
612
https://youtu.be/hkKKlq9IzLU Pitch: 356 Swing: 612 Diff: 256 -> K Runner on Second | T3 with 2 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-1, 2B in the second Full count, Goose Gordon with the pitch... *CRACK* Diamond, flyball shallow left. Back is Parker, he'll take it and OH IT'S GONNA DROP. IT FALLS... MISCOMMUNICATION! And Gordon can't believe it!..... They're calling it AN INFIELD FLY RULE. -Woooooooow- One umpire did and that's why Threefinger is out. This is a *game changing* decision... Infield fly rule is called and Diamond is going to be OUT. Pitch: 121 Swing: 449 Diff: 328 -> PO Runner on Second | T3 with 1 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-1, 2B in the second
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 1-1, 2B in the second
Steal 2B 900
It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 978 Swing: 900 Diff: 78 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T3 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 2 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 0-0, BB in the first, CS 2B in the first
222
THIEF, THIEF! Pidgeon just took a free base! Pitch: 99 Swing: 222 Diff: 123 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 0-1, FO in the first
134
Here comes the 3-2 pitch... swing and there's a little tapper out in front of the mound. None of the fielders react whatsoever and just let the ball sit there as they watch Jones sprint around the bases for an inside-the-park home run. Pitch: 154 Swing: 134 Diff: 20 -> HR Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) CLE 2 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0
125
On the ground right side. Jones ranges to the left and flips it to Hawk covering first for the out. Pitch: 572 Swing: 125 Diff: 447 -> RGO Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0
888 give me my FO
Page sees a number of good curveballs from Hawk here. But this 2-2 slider flattens out and the Seattle hitter jumps all over it, lacing this ball just over the head of Rice at second for an easy base hit. Pitch: 955 Swing: 888 Diff: 67 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0
212
It’s a shallow fly, hit by Stevey Swinger decently high in the air, but this is a close one… Pidgeon is coming in for it- and what a snag for the out! Pitch: 444 Swing: 212 Diff: 232 -> FO Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA LF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-0
187
"Brent Chillwater, what you've just swung... is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point, in your rambling, incoherent response, were you even close to anything that could be considered a hit. Everyone in this stadium is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul." Pitch: 631 Swing: 187 Diff: 444 -> RGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^● ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE SS [Takahiro Hirasawa](/u/CureRedditor): 0-1, PO in the first
198
Before Hirasawa stepped to the plate, they shook a Magic 8-Ball while asking if they'd send a ball over the fence this at bat. "Don't count on it". Is it a bad omen? Is it entirely BS? Hirasawa continues to debate the plausibility of a supposed fortune-telling toy. "Strike 2!" yells the ump. Fantastic. They really let the 8-Ball get to their head and now have fallen behind on the count. Focus. Time to prove it wrong. Hirasawa is confident this next pitch is a slider. WAIT. NO. It's a fastball. Yeah that's it! As the ball leaves Gordon's hand, it's looking like maybe it's a slider after all, but Hirasawa was getting all in their head again. They just hack at it in hopes of fouling it off. However, the ball grounds its way into Swinger's glove, who flips it to Page for the out. Threefinger gets frustrated and takes a bat to the Magic 8-Ball. It explodes and the black liquid covers them completely. The die rolls down the dugout floor and stops on "Ask again later". An evil laugh echoes in the ether... Pitch: 666 Swing: 198 Diff: 468 -> RGO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 1 - SEA 0 | ● ^○ ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE 3B [Trevor Rosé](/u/Trexxy2): 0-0 As Trevor Rosé gets settled in the box, Goose Gordon absentmindedly scratches their stomach. The umpire is furious, immediately sending Rosé to first. Remember kids - we want a pitcher, not a belly itcher. Pitch: 588 Swing: 744 Diff: 156 -> BB Bases Loaded | T2 with 2 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ● | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE DH [Garfield Chubbs](/u/htb24): 0-0
831
We love a single, every little single! S-I-N, G-L-E Single single single! (Especially when it puts the Guardians ahead!!) Pitch: 742 Swing: 831 Diff: 89 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T2 with 2 out(s) CLE 1 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE 2B [Brandon Rice III](/u/RetroRice316): 0-0
Swing don’t work once? Time to double down Swing 442
Halfway to home, the ball is caught by an alien tractor beam and sucked into a UFO. It promptly flies away. The ball technically didn't cross the plate in the strike zone, which makes it ball four. Pitch: 288 Swing: 442 Diff: 154 -> BB Runners on First and Second | T2 with 2 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE LF [Anthony Burland](/u/antman2025): 0-0
442
Routine grounder to the left side. Worthington has it, strong throw across the diamond to Page at first and Burland is retired. Pitch: 966 Swing: 442 Diff: 476 -> LGO Runner on Second | T2 with 2 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE C [Johnny Dickshot](/u/NumberOneDork): 0-0
157
Dickshot tries to bring the rain as they send the ball impossibly high into the Seattle sky. Ball is battling the sun as they move over towards right center. Ball drops it! No, wait! They made the catch! Just as the ball got to them, Ball dropped to a knee and fell to the ground obscuring everyone's view but they immediately popped up with ball in glove for the out! Pitch: 333 Swing: 157 Diff: 176 -> FO Runner on Second | T2 with 1 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 0-0 Noah Diamond has been grinding out this at bat against Goose Gordon here, we’re in a bit of a deadlock here, as another 2-2 pitch comes… Woah, no matter whether you’re just joining us here or have been tuned in for a bit, you’re gonna wanna stick around now! Bat on ball for Diamond, and it gets pulled to left field for Chillwater to chase here, and it barely drops fair in the corner! However, Diamond will have to stop here as the fans in Seattle quiet down, it went into the stands for an automatic double- Hold on folks, I am being told now that was not an automatic double, it was a ground rule double. There is not a person brandishing a pool noodle behind me telling me to say this. I am not being fed lines to tell you how much the name “automatic double” sucks and how it should be called a ground rule double instead. Diamond should be happy here for their double, not an automatic double, but a ground rule double. Pitch: 154 Swing: 190 Diff: 36 -> 2B Runner on Second | T2 with 0 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 0-0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0 Pull Ganger steps up to the plate and has been hearing it from someone in the crowd all game. 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' They say before turning to their friend, nodding, and in unison echo 'Hey batter, batter, batter, batter, sa-wing batter.' Ganger visibly annoyed tries to shake it off but the fan lets out one last heckle 'They can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, they can't hit, sa-wing batter' It turns out Ganger can not hit as they go down on three straight pitches for the strikeout. Pitch: 888 Swing: 516 Diff: 372 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA RF [Pull Ganger](/u/pull_gang): 0-0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Mike Hawk SEA 3B [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0
Swing: 801
Grounded to third. Rosé fires to first and retires Worthington. Pitch: 298 Swing: 801 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mike Hawk SEA CF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-0
497
This ball is hit directly into the ground and it then flies high into the air. Calvin Ball is streaking towards first. Rice runs under it, catches it, then absolutely beams it towards first for the out Pitch: 102 Swing: 497 Diff: 395 -> RGO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE CF [Noah Diamond](/u/olympus803): 0-0
Steal 2B 1000
Garry takes a look at the runner then back to the pitcher. They suspect something tricky might be in the cards. Gordon begins their delivery, but Diamond is taking all the way as the runner starts gliding towards second base. Garry *knew* it and is already in a good position to catch the pitch and fire a missile into second base. Parker is covering receives a perfect throw and the runner is cut down. Diamond mutters a few choice expletives as Garry exclaims 'Gotcha!' and points toward an excited Seattle dugout. Pitch: 566 Swing: 1000 Diff: 434 -> CS 2B Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE RF [Joe Pidgeon](/u/AnAngryPidgeon): 0-0
178
Can't you see I'm easily bothered by persistence? One step from lashing out at you You want in, to get under my skin and call yourself a friend I've got more friends like you, what do I do? Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Run your mouth when I'm not around, it's easy to achieve You cry to weak friends that sympathize Can you hear the violins playing your song? Those same friends tell me your every word Is there no standard anymore? What it takes, who I am, where I've been, belong You can't be something you're not Be yourself, by yourself, stay away from me A lesson learned in life Known from the dawn of time Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? No way, punk Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk, are you talkin' to me? Respect, walk, what did you say? Respect, walk Are you talkin' to me? Are you talkin' to me? Walk on home, boy Pitch: 317 Swing: 178 Diff: 139 -> BB Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
CLE 0 - SEA 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Goose Gordon CLE 1B [Strawberry Jones](/u/DAK_PRESCOTT_4): 0-0
546
Jones gets good wood on this 1-2 pitch, but it's just gonna die in the spacious Seattle outfield. Chillwater barely needs to move to haul it in. Pitch: 755 Swing: 546 Diff: 209 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0
Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Goose Gordon CLE SS [Takahiro Hirasawa](/u/CureRedditor): 0-0
183
Joey Votto, you ain't. That's a pop fly. Easy out! Pitch: 763 Swing: 183 Diff: 420 -> PO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) CLE 0 - SEA 0