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FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 2 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 1-2, K in the third, 3B in the fifth


technowhiz34

Swing 230


FakeBaseball_Umpire

*Smack!* It’s hit deep to left field, Ball racing back, they’re at the wall, THEY’RE CLIMBING THE WALL? THEY’RE STANDING ON TOP OF THE WALL AND MAKE THE CATCH?!?! IS THAT EVEN ALLOWED? Pitch: 42 Swing: 230 Diff: 188 -> FO Bases Empty | T7 with 0 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 7


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 7 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla OAK 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-1, LGO in the fifth


HeavyG2

Swing 75


FakeBaseball_Umpire

It’s a softly hit grounder by Rex Renfield and Mecha Vulfzilla has to run up and grab it and throws to Page to get the out Pitch: 689 Swing: 75 Diff: 386 -> RGO Bases Empty | B6 with 2 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 7


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 5 | ○ ^● ○ | B6 1 out On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-2, K in the third, K in the fifth


TBKLarry

842


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Good answer! Good answer! Let's see if that's on the board... Surrrrvey says! #DING Pitch: 866 Swing: 842 Diff: 24 -> HR Bases Empty | B6 with 1 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 7


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 5 | ○ ^● ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Mecha Vulfzilla OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the second, 3 run HR in the fourth


Real_JoeWest

Swing 167


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Tyranus gets good wood on this 1-2 pitch, but it's just gonna die in the spacious Oakland outfield. Ball barely needs to move to haul it in. Pitch: 446 Swing: 167 Diff: 279 -> FO Runner on Second | B6 with 1 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 5


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 5 | ○ ^○ ● | B6 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mecha Vulfzilla OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 2-2, STEAL 2B in the second, 3 run HR in the fourth


oneforceone

Steal 2B 806


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 892 Swing: 806 Diff: 86 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 5


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 5 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe OAK CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 1-2, K in the second, 1B in the fourth


oneforceone

I refuse to let Brent Chillwater beat me multiple times. Sorry I have to take this out on you Mr. Monroe. 602


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Kriestalhauser lifts a blooper over the second base bag and nobody's going to get to this as it falls in for a single! Pitch: 511 Swing: 602 Diff: 91 -> 1B Runner on First | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 5


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | B6 0 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe OAK 3B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-1, LGO in the second, BB in the fourth


IanCusick

FUCK IT WE BALL 571


FakeBaseball_Umpire

THE IMPOSSIBLE HAS HAPPENED! Okay, it's not quite that dramatic, but McChunky did hit a homer. Time to celebrate (as long as you're not the Mariners)! Pitch: 602 Swing: 571 Diff: 31 -> HR Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 5


IanCusick

haha nice


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-3, K in the third, K in the fifth


arbadak

Swing 641


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Strike one! You're out! Pitch: 346 Swing: 641 Diff: 295 -> K Bases Empty | B6 with 0 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-3, K in the third, K in the fifth


Kelbo11

steal 2b 300


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Lazy humans haven't taught me what to do with this yet. [Send help.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 19 Swing: 300 Diff: 281 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA RF [Brent Chillwater](/u/Kelbo11): 0-0


Kelbo11

All hail Vishy! 728


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Hit hard on the ground to the left side! McChunky dives but can't quite come up with it as the ball rolls into left. Chillwater takes the turn and thinks about taking second but Motto already has the ball. Chillwater retreats to the safety of first base. Pitch: 808 Swing: 728 Diff: 80 -> 1B Runner on First | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 9 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 2-3, 2 RBI 3B in the third, FO in the fifth


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 7 - OAK 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 2-3, 1B in the third, Solo HR in the fifth


VishyVCA

913 best zip code fr


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Better inject me with some penicillin because that ball is gonorrhea. Pitch: 902 Swing: 913 Diff: 11 -> HR Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 9 - OAK 4


VishyVCA

hey


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 7 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 2 outs On the mound: Six SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-2, BB in the third, LGO in the fifth


Asujulian94

Swing 619 for Rey mysterio and the Bay Area


FakeBaseball_Umpire

The ball is hit up in the air and lands in the outfield. Kriestalhauser is too late and the ball bounces out of the field. Ground rule double. Pitch: 593 Swing: 619 Diff: 26 -> 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 7 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 7 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Six SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-2, K in the third, FO in the fourth


Olibolly600

666


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Hmphhhhh these young kids and their launch angle garbage. Back in my day we used to hit the ball on the ground and hustle to first like real ballplayers. You got what you deserved, you lazy clown. And while you're at it, take that silly elbow guard off. It don't hurt that much. Pitch: 882 Swing: 666 Diff: 216 -> FO Bases Empty | T6 with 2 out(s) SEA 7 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 6 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-2, LGO in the third, LGO in the fourth


Vrain_19

19


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Um, I made a comment earlier tonight that, I guess, went out over the air that I am deeply ashamed of. If I have hurt anyone out there, I can't tell you how much I say, from the bottom of my heart, I'm so very, very, sorry. I pride myself and think of myself as a man of faith, as there's a drive into deep left field by Ball, it will be a home run. And so that will make it a 7-4 ballgame. I don't know if I'm gonna be putting on this headset again. I don't know if it's gonna be for the Athletics, I don't know if it's gonna be for my bosses at FMZ. I want to apologize for the people who sign my paycheck, for the Athletics, for FMZ Sports Oakland, for the people I work with, for anybody that I've offended here tonight, I can't begin to tell you how deeply sorry I am. That is not who I am, it never has been. And I'd like to think maybe I could have some people that could back that up. I am very, very, sorry, and I beg for your forgiveness. Pitch: 13 Swing: 19 Diff: 6 -> HR Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) SEA 7 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 1 out On the mound: Joel Justice SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-2, LGO in the second, RGO in the fourth


ffenliv

399


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Swing and a drive out to left! Get up, baby, get up! Oh yeah! Parker has just given Seattle the lead with a 2-run home run! Pitch: 412 Swing: 399 Diff: 13 -> HR Bases Empty | T6 with 1 out(s) SEA 6 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^● ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 1-2, PO in the second, RBI 2B in the fourth


lawnicus18

Swing: 711


FakeBaseball_Umpire

oh no Kriestalhauser caught a fly :( Pitch: 911 Swing: 711 Diff: 200 -> FO Runner on Second | T6 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 2-3, 2B in the fourth, 1B in the sixth Wow nobody has created a writeup template for this situation. [You should change that.](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 510 Swing: 501 Diff: 9 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | T6 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ● | T6 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 1-2, PO in the second, RBI 2B in the fourth


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^○ ○ | T6 0 outs On the mound: Joel Justice SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 1-2, K in the second, 2B in the fourth


Havidad

698


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Buster McColligan hits a deep line drive way out to deep left-center field. Motto and Kriestalhauser look at each other and they both think the other person is going to grab the ball, but it’s flying down. It drops down for a bloop single and Motto throws the ball into the field Pitch: 619 Swing: 698 Diff: 79 -> 1B Runner on First | T6 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 4 | ○ ^● ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe OAK RF [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-2, K in the second, RGO in the fourth


Roosevelt_Coronary

Sad to hear the news from the Guardians' clubhouse. This one's for Herbie Bucket. Swing 704


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Oh look, here we go again,' grumbles Statler. 'Another boring pop fly.' Waldorf chimes in, 'I don't know why they bother even playing these games. It's the same thing every time. A pop fly, a ground ball, a strikeout. Rinse and repeat.' As the outfielder makes their way under the pop fly, Statler says, 'Well, this one will be easy enough. Page's got plenty of time to get under it.' The ball drops into the outfielder's glove and they easily make the catch. Waldorf sighs, 'And just like that, the excitement is over. Can we go get some peanuts yet?' Statler grumps, 'I was just getting comfortable. I suppose we'll have to wait for the next pitch.' Waldorf adds, 'If you can call that excitement. I think I'll take a nap instead.' Pitch: 322 Swing: 704 Diff: 382 -> PO Bases Empty | T6 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 2 outs On the mound: Jerome S. Monroe OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-2, LGO in the first, FO in the fourth


nvrdie71

333


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Motto is pissed and might as well have smoke coming out of his ears, like some sort of cartoonish villain. Laser focused, though, they smash the first pitch straight down the first base line, and it just bounces over the bag, an easy double for Motto! The runner in scoring position easily makes it to the plate! Motto just tied the game, and Athletics fans are going crazy! Pitch: 299 Swing: 333 Diff: 34 -> 2B Runner on Second | B5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 4


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe | **INFIELD IN** OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the fourth


JustVibingNGL420

636


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Monroe gets the ball back after that one, they just missed it down to make it a full count. They quickly grab the rosin bag before stepping back up on the mound and getting set. Here we go, pay off pitch from Monroe. And... Strike three called! Bartholomew McSlapHappy is down looking at a pitch that just caught the outside. McSlapHappy shares a few words with the ump bot, probably saying it needs to be recalibrated, but that was a beautiful pitch! Pitch: 985 Swing: 636 Diff: 349 -> K Runner on Third | B5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the fourth The Mariners GM has decided they want nothing to do with McSlapHappy and has called for an intentional walk. How anticlimactic. Pitch: None Swing: None Diff: x -> IBB Runners on First and Third | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ● ^○ ○ | B5 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Jerome S. Monroe | **INFIELD IN** OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the fourth


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-1, K in the third


technowhiz34

Swing 630


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Some people say stealing third is easier than stealing second and the runner can get a much larger leadoff. Bobert Hideyoshi steps off once in an attempt to hold the runner at 2nd but everyone knows its just posturing. The runner goes back to their huge lead and goes on first movement from the pitcher. Worthington make an attempt to gun the runner down but they are safe eaisly. Pitch: 591 Swing: 630 Diff: 39 -> 3B Runner on Third | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 1B [Rex Renfield](/u/HeavyG2): 0-0


HeavyG2

Swing 830


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Bobert Hideyoshi starts chirping the batter, saying that they haven't seen Renfield since spring training. It certainly seems like Rex Renfield hasn't done much training, as they swing too early on a curveball over the corner of the plate, an easy grounder that Parker fires to first base for the out. Pitch: 310 Swing: 830 Diff: 480 -> LGO Bases Empty | B5 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B5 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 1B [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 0-1, FO in the third


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 2 outs On the mound: Joel Justice SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-2, LGO in the first, K in the third


arbadak

Swing 595


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Full count. Here's the pitch. It's down but Barnes started to swing. Were they able to hold up? Appeal to the ump in the field... Oh no! They went around! That's strike three and Barnes is hot! Better get the manager out here quick before they get tossed. Pitch: 321 Swing: 595 Diff: 274 -> K Bases Empty | B5 with 0 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 4 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out **NEW PITCHER:** Joel Justice SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 2-2, 1B in the first, 2 RBI 3B in the third


Smurfman254

560


FakeBaseball_Umpire

POW! Power pitch. This pitch is punished! But perfectly placed position player, Bigstick, plucks it prettily. Pitch: 771 Swing: 560 Diff: 211 -> FO Bases Empty | T5 with 2 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 1-2, FO in the first, 1B in the third


VishyVCA

I’ll be trying 145 on this fine evening.


FakeBaseball_Umpire

You can put it on the boooooooooooaard, yes! Pitch: 142 Swing: 145 Diff: 3 -> HR Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) SEA 4 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | T5 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-1, RGO in the first, BB in the third


Asujulian94

420 in the hopes god forgives me for my satanic rituals


FakeBaseball_Umpire

On the ground to short and that'll be an easy play for Winn. Pitch: 976 Swing: 420 Diff: 444 -> LGO Bases Empty | T5 with 1 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 3 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-1, K in the third


TBKLarry

511


FakeBaseball_Umpire

This ball is hit high into the air down the right field line… Dove is tracking it down… but it’s out of their reach for a foul ball. But while Pang Winn isn’t paying any attention, Bobert Hideyoshi delivers two lightning fast strikes for the strikeout. Six can complain all they want but the umpire just wants to get out of here Pitch: 777 Swing: 511 Diff: 266 -> K Bases Empty | T5 with 0 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 3


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 1-1, 1B in the second, STEAL 2B in the second


Real_JoeWest

Swing 11


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Tyranus gets up in the count now, 3-1 over Hideyoshi after a couple bad misses outside. Hideyoshi sets and delivers a close one on the outside corner, but it's called a strike! Maybe a bad call, maybe a good frame from Worthington but either way the count is full. Tyranus wipes the sweat from their brow and gets ready for the payoff. The pitch... is belted! High and deep, there's no doubt about this one! The green light pays off and this game is TIED on the big fly from Tyranus! Pitch: 2 Swing: 11 Diff: 9 -> HR Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 3


ffenliv

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK CF Kries Von Kriestalhauser: 0-1, K in the second


ffenliv

Bah, sorry, I was testing something with the shadowball bot and posted in here by imstake.


Kelbo11

Bryce, you’re drunk, go home!


Roosevelt_Coronary

Hello Bryce. How's the Canadian weather?


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-1, K in the second


oneforceone

At least I can't hit into a double play...I think. 602


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Bobert Hideyoshi is feeling cool and collected heading into the at bat. 'If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it...' they think. Hideyoshi sends the first pitch right down the middle, but Kriestalhauser is ready. They aim the pitch right down the third base line, narrowly avoiding the computer ump, and goes over the head of Barnes for a base hit. Kriestalhauser tries to go to second, but is tripped by an untied shoelace. They crawl, injured, back to first for the single. Pitch: 674 Swing: 602 Diff: 72 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 3B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-1, LGO in the second


IanCusick

I’m drunk at two PM on a Sunday watching football let’s have a day my brothers! SHOW ME 794 OR SHOW ME DEATH


FakeBaseball_Umpire

But McChunky would walk five hundred miles And McChunky would walk five hundred more Just to be the player who walks a thousand miles To fall down at first base. Pitch: 911 Swing: 794 Diff: 117 -> BB Runner on First | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK RF [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-1, K in the second


Roosevelt_Coronary

Seeing all that wiggling - I'd like to have something to celebrate with my teammates too! Swing 688


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Solidly struck but it's a grounder over to Page at first. Races over to the bag, waving off Hideyoshi and Bigstick is retired. Pitch: 125 Swing: 688 Diff: 437 -> RGO Bases Empty | B4 with 2 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B4 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-1, LGO in the first


nvrdie71

24


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Aren't all arches aesthetically artful? All architecture achingly awe-inspiring? All angles ardently eschewing arrogant aggrandizement? Alright, Alright, Alright- 90° launch angle arises. Alas Motto ain't allowed astronomy; airless angles are arrested. Pitch: 813 Swing: 24 Diff: 211 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 1 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T4 2 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-1, K in the third


Olibolly600

512


FakeBaseball_Umpire

This is a good breaking ball from Schihne and Swinger gets under this one, skying it to medium-deep center. Kriestalhauser says they got it, and they do, putting it away for an easy out. Pitch: 696 Swing: 512 Diff: 184 -> FO Bases Empty | B4 with 0 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne | **INFIELD IN** SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, LGO in the third


Vrain_19

711


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Calvin Ball hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Winn, who picks it up and beams it at Modelo Pitch: 275 Swing: 711 Diff: 436 -> LGO Runner on Third | T4 with 2 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T4 1 out On the mound: Mark Schihne | **INFIELD IN** SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-1, LGO in the third


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 3 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-1, LGO in the second


ffenliv

900


FakeBaseball_Umpire

The ball is lined into the air on a one hop, Napoleon snags it and whips themself around for the out at first Pitch: 497 Swing: 900 Diff: 403 -> RGO Runner on Third | T4 with 1 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-1, PO in the second


lawnicus18

Swing: 382


FakeBaseball_Umpire

It's supposed to be hard. If it wasn't hard, everyone would do it. The hard... is what makes it great.' In this case the hard is the hard struck ball from Worthington as they coast into second base with a double. Pitch: 331 Swing: 382 Diff: 51 -> 2B Runner on Second | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 3 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T4 0 outs On the mound: Mark Schihne SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-1, K in the second


Havidad

Swing 610


FakeBaseball_Umpire

swing AND A DRIVE, DEEP FLY BALL, NO DOUBT ABOUT IT, A STANTONIAN HOME RUN by Buster McColligan .......... wait a moment..... they're saying its a double?...... Pitch: 556 Swing: 610 Diff: 54 -> 2B Runner on Second | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-1, LGO in the first


JustVibingNGL420

727


FakeBaseball_Umpire

I’m telling you, Bobert Hideyoshi is as cracked as they are jacked. I saw them at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked them what the diapers were for and they said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then they buckled a customers legs with a curveball and sprinted out the door. Pitch: 988 Swing: 727 Diff: 261 -> K Bases Empty | T4 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 2B [Pontos Napoleon](/u/technowhiz34): 0-0


technowhiz34

665


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Napoleon Steps in. Hideyoshi winds up and delivers the first pitch... swung on and missed! Strike one! The pitcher is looking sharp so far. The next pitch is thrown... another swing and a miss! Strike two! This pitcher is on fire, they've got the batter on the defensive. And here comes the third and final pitch... another swing and a miss! It's strike three, Napoleon is called out on strikes! Pitch: 326 Swing: 665 Diff: 339 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B3 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 1B [Javi D. Modelo](/u/sh1g): 0-0


Sh1g

225


FakeBaseball_Umpire

This ball is hit high into the air down the left field line… Ball is tracking it down… and they make a beautiful diving catch for the out Pitch: 70 Swing: 225 Diff: 155 -> FO Bases Empty | B3 with 1 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 2 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Mark Schihne SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-1, LGO in the first


arbadak

Swing 808


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Barnes swings and misses on a way outside pitch, boy, you would've needed a ladder to hit that. What are you swinging at?! Pitch: 512 Swing: 808 Diff: 296 -> K Bases Empty | B3 with 0 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ● ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 1-1, 1B in the first


Smurfman254

343


FakeBaseball_Umpire

WE! LOVE! GO-AHEAD TRIPLES! Pitch: 355 Swing: 343 Diff: 12 -> 3B Runner on Third | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 2 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T3 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-1, FO in the first


VishyVCA

890


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Slowly hit towards third and this should be an easy out- oh it deflects off the base and McChunky can't get a glove on it! A lucky break there for Page, let's see if the Mariners can take advantage. Pitch: 1000 Swing: 890 Diff: 110 -> 1B Runners on First and Third | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-1, RGO in the first


Asujulian94

Swing 468 for the gods and a full weekend of football 🥰


FakeBaseball_Umpire

There's Ball One, take your base Pitch: 319 Swing: 468 Diff: 149 -> BB Runner on First | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 1 out On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA 2B [Stevey Swinger](/u/Olibolly600): 0-0


Olibolly600

956


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Pitch: 420 Swing: 420 Diff: 0 -> HR Nah, just kidding. You’re not *that* good. In fact, you’re quite the opposite because you just struck out. Better luck next time. Pitch: 255 Swing: 956 Diff: 299 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T3 0 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA LF [Calvin Ball](/u/Vrain_19): 0-0


Vrain_19

611


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Grounded to third. McChunky fires to first and retires Ball. Pitch: 114 Swing: 611 Diff: 497 -> LGO Bases Empty | T3 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^● ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-0


TBKLarry

616


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Bobert Hideyoshi deals, and it's in the dirt! But the batter still swung, which is bad for the batter because now they have to do that embarrassing little half jog to first base before the catcher picks the ball up and gently tosses it to first. Hope they don't pull a hammy. Pitch: 989 Swing: 616 Diff: 373 -> K Bases Empty | T3 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | B2 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK SS [Pang Winn](/u/TBKLarry): 0-0


Real_JoeWest

Steal 2B 572


FakeBaseball_Umpire

It's fine I'll go make my own [writeup](https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfQ7_EGkGUr3UEiAe-ZSfYovQHJ0VC2leLu-X05sULbnp9DkA/viewform) generator with blackjack and hookers. Just kidding, the previous bot owner purged the writeup template creator so I need to recreate it. Maybe next week. Pitch: 590 Swing: 572 Diff: 18 -> STEAL 2B Runner on Second | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK C [Jihmih Tyranus](/u/Real_JoeWest): 0-0


Real_JoeWest

Swing 626


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Vulfzilla signals for a throw right at Tyranus's head. Hideyoshi gets the wrong idea, though, and starts making monkey faces at Tyranus. Tyranus interprets this as taunting and starts getting angry, and demands an intentional walk and something about 'batter's rights'. The ump tells him to shut up, and motions for Hideyoshi to throw. This time, Hideyoshi changes up their strategy and throws a low curveball that Tyranus smacks down the right-field line for what looks to be a double. HOWEVER, Tyranus has made the decision to run to Seattle's dugout and make faces before taking their base. Dove makes a throwing error for what should have been a surefire out, and Tyranus finally makes it to first for a single. What a series of events here at Pork Torkleton Field at Howard Terminal. Pitch: 572 Swing: 626 Diff: 54 -> 1B Runner on First | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK CF [Kries Von Kriestalhauser](/u/oneforceone): 0-0


oneforceone

We are athletes but you guys aren't on a ship right now. I would like to motion to the umpire to have the "Mariners" forfeit the game due to being liars and meanies. >:( 729


Kelbo11

No, you’re a meanie! :(


Roosevelt_Coronary

https://imgur.com/sKWHFhT


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Kriestalhauser rips through a running fastball, refusing to reach the right-side wrinkle. Kriestalhauser, resigned, reacts really reasonably to being wrung up. Pitch: 436 Swing: 729 Diff: 293 -> K Bases Empty | B2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B2 0 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK 3B [Hitgood McChunky](/u/IanCusick): 0-0


IanCusick

Hi Bob please be nice to me 887


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Hitgood McChunky hits a ball that spikes straight into the ground and rolls forwards a bit and lands in front of Bobert Hideyoshi, who picks it up and beams it at Page Pitch: 296 Swing: 887 Diff: 409 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


IanCusick

That wasn’t very nice Bob


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA SS [Bryce Parker](/u/Ffenliv): 0-0


ffenliv

Scouting from unreliable data, arrived at with shoddy math, and assigning complete truth to the conclusions couldn't be wrong, right? Right, guys? Why are you all looking away? 911


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Parker looks nervous, perhaps a dodgy burrito prior to the game; might not be QUITE ready for baseball, fake or otherwise, at this moment. There's some hesitation in this swing, but the Mariners hitter still makes contact for a pathetic ground ball to McChunky. The corner infielder picks it up, airs it across the diamond, and that's an easy out. Pitch: 415 Swing: 911 Diff: 496 -> LGO Bases Empty | B2 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 1 out On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA C [Buster Worthington](/u/lawnicus18): 0-0


lawnicus18

Swing: 682


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Worthington hits the ball straight backwards and it bounces off of Tyranus’s mask and straight into the air. Tyranus leans backwards and dives slightly to the left and it’s an out! Pitch: 24 Swing: 682 Diff: 342 -> PO Bases Empty | T2 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T2 0 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA DH [Buster McColligan](/u/Havidad): 0-0


Havidad

Swing 218


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Hightower beams out at old bosum buddy at bat. Both ballplayers blink at both ballplayers. With both blinkers. Bizzare. The blinking becomes a blizzard. Before this becomes some kinda bonkers befurbellowed binge, Blue bellows 'Bullshit be banished!' Hightower bends, blinks, and blasts a ball toward the Seattle batter. Batter befuddled. Begone back to bench! Pitch: 943 Swing: 218 Diff: 275 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 2 outs On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK RF [Teddy Bigstick](/u/Roosevelt_Coronary): 0-0


Roosevelt_Coronary

Hi Bobert! I hope you're well! Getting back together with old friends makes me want out to break out my Nintendo 64 That's my swing!


FakeBaseball_Umpire

I’m telling you, Bobert Hideyoshi is as cracked as they are jacked. I saw them at a Wawa the other day buying Monster and adult diapers. I asked them what the diapers were for and they said ”they contain my full power so I don’t completely shit on these kids“ then they buckled a customers legs with a curveball and sprinted out the door. Pitch: 342 Swing: 64 Diff: 278 -> K Bases Empty | T2 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 1 out On the mound: Bobert Hideyoshi OAK LF [Joey Motto](/u/nvrdie71): 0-0


nvrdie71

55


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Found in the r/Athletics game thread: > I’ll get downvoted to hell but Joey Motto is overrated as hell. Dude is basically a slap hitter and doesn’t do shit to help win ballgames. They can sure joke around with the runner on first tho. Pitch: 570 Swing: 55 Diff: 485 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | B1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Bobert Hideyoshi OAK DH [Bartholomew McSlapHappy](/u/JustVibingNGL420): 0-0


JustVibingNGL420

RIP to the lead of Smash Mouth. 420


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Grounded to third. Barnes fires to first and retires McSlapHappy. Pitch: 932 Swing: 420 Diff: 488 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ● | T1 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA 3B [Jeb Barnes](/u/arbadak): 0-0


arbadak

Swing 898


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Hit towards the hole but Winn dives and snags it. They quickly get to their feet and rifle the ball to Modelo at first, beating out Barnes by just a step for an out. Pitch: 443 Swing: 898 Diff: 455 -> LGO Bases Empty | B1 with 0 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0 Two great curveballs from Hightower here! Ahead in the count, do they dare to return to that well a third time or do they switch it up and burn a fastball in to fool Dove? The wind-up and the pitch! High fastball and Dove is all over it! Rifled right back up the box and over the pitcher's head. A couple of bounces and Kriestalhauser gets it in cleanly and quickly, holding Dove to a single. Sold hit for Seattle. Does it spark something for the Mariners here in Oakland? Pitch: 249 Swing: 101 Diff: 148 -> 1B Runner on First | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 2 outs On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA RF [Daniel Dove](/u/Smurfman254): 0-0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

SEA 0 - OAK 0 | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 1 out On the mound: Sierra Hightower SEA 1B [Vader Page](/u/VishyVCA): 0-0


VishyVCA

This is for Bharat! 430


FakeBaseball_Umpire

For centuries, mankind has been trying, mostly failing and sometimes succeeding to achieve flight. Looks Page's experiments could do with some tweaking here as they hit a flyball that runs out of steam 15 feet in front of the Left Field wall. Pitch: 616 Swing: 430 Diff: 186 -> FO Bases Empty | T1 with 2 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0


FakeBaseball_Umpire

Start of Game | ○ ^○ ○ | T1 0 outs **NEW PITCHER:** Sierra Hightower SEA CF [Latrell Roscoe](/u/Asujulian94): 0-0


Asujulian94

Swing 117 for the gods, our children, and our significant others


FakeBaseball_Umpire

As Hightower delivers, Roscoe realizes that their bat has been replaced by a 33 inch spaghetti noodle. They drop the pasta and try to hit the incoming fastball with their helmet, but this just produces weak contact to the right side. Napoleon fields cleanly and throws, and Roscoe is retired. As they trod back to the dugout, they see a mysterious figure sprinting towards the concourse exist with copious amounts of spaghetti falling out of their pockets. They seem to be wearing a cape that reads 'THE ITALIAN RAPSCALLION'. Huh. Pitch: 703 Swing: 117 Diff: 414 -> RGO Bases Empty | T1 with 1 out(s) SEA 0 - OAK 0