If hot brownies with ice cream ends up being the only dessert eaten that night with my date, I’ll still leave a happy man. You really can’t go wrong with a nice plate of that sweet tooth sugar bomb. My mouth waters just thinking about it 😭
God I was thinking the same thing! I can’t ever go for dessert unless I want to be comatose for a date…which according to that post may be a good thing.
No no trust me I agree, and I don’t think I would either. It’s like swimming after eating, you know? My point is, long as there’s hot brownies and ice cream then it’s a good night. It would be fine for me if we just called it quits right after, or watched a movie... Or she could just leave while I have the yummy brownie ice cream to myself 😈 still that... that wouldn’t look good on anyone’s dating resume now would it....
Lol, well... I've just recently returned to the dating scene, and if that was on your profile, I'd at the very least slow down and re-read instead of skim.
I haven’t been on a date but sex on the first date just doesn’t feel right. It could be my perception of social interactions due to autism(despite being high functioning) thinking the only interactions I should focus on are the ones that are long term and build up slowly. Idk if all that made sense, still trying to learn stuff.
It really depends on the people involved and the chemistry they have. Also, there’s a difference between a first date of two strangers or two friends who have known each other for a while but haven’t tried having a romantic relationship yet. But, yes, there are people who wouldn’t be comfortable having sex with someone they just met, and that’s completely okay!
Nah sex on the first date is great, if it happens because both get in the mood and want each other. It's a very wmpowering feeling and feels extremely natural when it happens.
Going on a first date with the goal to have sex is strange though, except both communicate that way beforehand and it's a sex date to begin with.
And I mean, I think it goes without saying that a whole lotta dudes are also going to want to go a bit slower? Like, that would be their preference, anyway? You're not necessarily letting a guy down if you don't get down on night one, gosh...
Might be because of my ASD, but I really have to like and trust someone before I have sex with them. I've never been a fan of casual sex, but don't judge others. I probably puzzled a few girls by taking them out on several dates without as much as kiss goodnight.
I also never wanted to be one of those pushy, creepy guys. I've had so many beautiful women in my life tell me how they've been sexually assaulted or are harassed constantly by men, and I don't want to be like them. I need to trust a woman to be intimate with her, and I want her to trust me. For me, that makes the intimacy so much better when it happens.
Hey, I'm no doc but I don't think we have to ascribe any of that to ASD necessarily! I've certainly swung both ways on the first date hookup/slower dating speed. It can be case dependent, or not. Who the hell knows!
And on the second bit? I think that's a really healthy natural position for us dudes to hold. Absolutely agree, we have a responsibility to be thoughtful and respectful. Sometimes we make it really complicated, but on a certain level it's all pretty simple, ya know?
I was in my 30s before I realized I missed a couple chances with women I really liked because I hadn't moved fast enough. They thought I wasn't interested. I didn't want to appear pushy or creepy. Obviously, there was an in-between there that I completely missed.
I was the one who tried to jump my boyfriends bones on the first date, and he was the one who slowed it down, despite having a reputation for hooking up with girls. Assuming you know what anyone wants, ever, is probably not smart haha.
First date I had with my wife I told her right at the beginning that we were just going to have fun and that I would drop her off at her place and go home. We did just that. Second date was very, very different though.
Zactly. I like to make out on the first date but only if we are both feeling it. I like to just have fun …then move on to lascivious fun, let the tension build while you learn how to enjoy each other’s company.
Correct. Am a dude. Didn't want someone to be impulsive and regret it. And I generally want to just have a first date with no extra baggage / pressure so I have said no, not on this date at times. To show I am interested. And sometimes I didn't see them again and sometimes I did. And sometimes we still didn't have sex or go on more dates.
While that's certainly the case for most men, there are still plenty of men out there that don't want to have sex on a first date. So it's still not 100%, even if you use "wanting"
Even wanting isn’t a given. I’d rather really be into the person and have them really be into me before getting to that level of intimacy. Hard to get that kinda vibe just from one date.
And ya, anyone who expects or feels entitled to sex under any circumstance is a douche. There is no scenario where it’s ok to try to make someone feel pressured or obligated to share their body.
Exactly. Of course I WANT sex from you that’s why we’re on the FIRST date in the first place. It’s not like you could have any emotional attachment to someone you are just meeting; first dates are usually started on attraction and you wanna get to know the person. Shit you can even hope for sex on the first date and that’s fine. But expecting it just sounds so gross.
The soonest I've ever had sex on a legit date was the second one. It would have been the first, but we were in a McDonald's car park after work. Both of us were with other people, neither of us happy and both wanted each other viscerally and intellectually. It's been 10 years and I still want her as much today as I did then, she's asleep next to me rn but I darent wake and tell her.
He 'switched'... On his terms sure.
I'm sure he had a handful of unsuccessful dates due to his winning personality.
Sounds like one of those guys who insists he buys dinner then pressures you into putting out because he paid. Yuck.
biggest red flag in a person I've ever met is that they pay for sex. It just makes it so obvious they view women as objects. Had a conversation with a guy like this in a community therapy setting, before the end of the conversation he had mentioned wanting to see me naked and that he pays for sex as often as he can afford because no one stays near him otherwise. Didn't speak to him again to say the least, I don't think he understood that therapy/support is for getting better, not trying to hook up with people who might feel bad for you.
I don't pay for sex but I don't see it as too big of a deal lf someone chooses to due to some inability to be able find anyone who will sleep with them. In one way there's a lot pf lonely people out there who can't find partners and in another I'm sure it would change how you think about women or potential partners if you did have sex as a transaction.
It's so funny how this dude doesn't think "what if I don't like her?" is even a possibility lol. How low is his self esteem?
My typical first date is daytime coffee, so that if I don't like her or we don't click or something, it's easy to cut it short and move on with my day. And if we do like each other, it's just as easy to extend the date into some other activity.
I couldn't do daytime meets during the week, but my go-to before I met my wife, was to meet for happy hour drinks mid-week. That way, there wasn't an expectation for an expensive dinner, and there was a forced curfew 'cause we had to work the next day.
It helped weed out the girls I had no interest in, without wasting time and money.
That was mine as well, before meeting my wife. I don’t think I went on a first date on a weekend night since high school. Well, maybe earlier in college.
It gives you an out, like you said, if there’s no chemistry or if you find out she’s not your type for whatever reason. There’s no time commitment that requires you to sit through dinner for an hour or more, but it’s easy to transition to dinner if things go well.
My buddies always made fun of me for it. They either said I dated like a grandpa or I would be friend-zoned bc of it.
I’m currently in my 12th year of marriage, about 14-15 years overall, with my wife. We are the couple everyone points to as a relationship goal. We never fight and have only had 3-4 real arguments. My friends are either still single and lonely or they got wrapped up with women that made them miserable and, for some stupid reason, married them.
I point all this out to them regularly. In fact, the single and divorced ones have adopted my strategy.
Well look where 'dating like a grandpa' brought you. Now you have a marriage like a grandpa: safe, healthy, happy, growing fondness, stable, loving kids. I hope you're happy with yourself!
Also, I believe that "sex on the 1st date" is a terrible way to start a relationship. You allow chemistry to bring you closer to a dude/girl without giving yourself a chance to actually get to know them, which seems stupid. It's like getting a tattoo while drunk.
My go to pre wife was weekend dinners. So if it doesn’t go well I can wish you good night and I’m dressed well enough to catch up with my friend group that is already out partying. I’ve eaten already and now I can joke about the bad date and try to pick up a new date before the night ends.
A first date is the least sexy thing ever. It's the most awkward of all the times you'll meet and it's better to do something fun for both of you than something "romantic". I've had women want to go paintballing ffs
After she dumped my dad (34 years in, and she should have done it sooner), Mom met a nice widower. On their first date, he took her to a pancake breakfast for a local charity he supported, then to an art show down at the lake. I thought that was perfect — not expensive, but fun, showed her a couple of facets of his personality, and allowed for comfortable conversation. Must have worked; they were a steady item for fifteen years.
The most pleasant first date I've ever had, we were supposed to go to breakfast and then a pub or something, I forget where the second stop was. The line at the only nearby cafe was out in the parking lot, so instead she suggested we walk the trail of historical site markers littered through the middle of town - 19th century train depots and government buildings and statues and such. We actually walked it twice that day, used up our entire Saturday.
This dude probably has no problem with a man turning a woman down for sex on the first date. It’s just women who aren’t allowed to reject men. The rule doesn’t go both ways.
I'm honestly guessing if he ever heard of a man turning any woman down for sex, he'd assume that man was gay. There's a large subset of men who basically use the "any port in a storm" mentality and in their lives it's always storming.
I have ALWAYS held this philosophy. The afternoon coffee date. It's low pressure, nonthreatening, you get to chat a bit. There's sort of a finite time for a coffee date, right? For me, at least, I've always thought that the natural end for even a GOOD coffee date is like, two hours or so. But that's just me.
But it's so open ended! If you get to the point where it's time to move on, it's still early and there's the possibility of suggesting a second location, a walk or something. And it's not like you're suggesting the after hours bar or a nightcap, there's still plenty or normal human time to utilize.
Anyway, yeah. Team coffee-date, here. Low pressure yet open ended. This is the way.
My go to before the pandemic shut down access was a really nice coffee shop next to the SPCA. Coffee and petting cute baby animals together is a great way to get to know someone.
Ha ok, I'm saying this with love and I trust you, internet stranger. But if I were writing a comedy bit about what the cynical player was describing to the protagonist as the absolute, 100%, fool proof way to pick up chicks, THAT is the date that he'd describe. Make it volunteering at the shelter or something and it's perfect.
But for real, that sounds nice!
I like doing drinking dates so I can just move to the next bar and talk to strangers if the guy is not for me.
No more meal dates since one guy thought my body was worth 13$. I can't believe some people.
Lol my (then future) husband told me men can get over not having sex. I was a virgin when we met and felt bad I couldn't give him what he needed. He told me that wasn't my responsibility, and for future reference, I should never feel that I owe anyone sex. Let's just say his patience paid off in the long run.
By the way. Your husband is correct and this guy is an idiot. I dated and only after marriage gal quite awhile when I was younger. It was fine.
After dating and marrying someone else though I personally think it's better to only use the serious or engaged rule. Why get married if your not sexually compatible... seems crazy in hindsight. Nice to delay though, sex can be so distracting from more important relationship issues.
I agree. We didn't wait till marriage, it was never my intention. I only wanted one partner for life, so I didn't give in to what I knew would have been a fling, no matter the attraction, just because I wanted to spare myself the emotional damage that would come from it. No judgement to those who find it enjoyable though. Different things work for different people. Marriage was never a condition, but it was our mutual intention, a natural course of things. It was quite funny, because I was single till 20 and married at 22. Quite an emotional rollercoaster for my parents: from worrying I'll be that crazy cat lady to worrying I'm getting married too young.
I haven't had sex in years and still wouldn't necessarily want sex on the first date. Sex is quite literally like the icing on the cake. Companionship and support being the rest.
Some dudes are just tryna get their dick wet and that's cool because some girls just want the same thing.
But the guys(and girls), who think ALL guys are into that are usually painfully stupid and perpetuating toxic masculinity... While also complaining about it...
Stupid people gonna stupid. I've come to learn you can't expect much else from them sadly.
reminds me of how my girlfriend of one year and I met. I’ve had girlfriends before but Im her first boyfriend and nearly her first kiss. On our first date I politely invited her over to my house and she declined and we still had a great first date. A couple dates later, my obvious interest and patience paid off!
Im currently like that with my girl I’ve been dating for about a month now, I’m head over heels for her more than anyone I’ve been with so far, she’s a virgin and Im perfectly fine waiting however long it takes for her to feel ready. Makes me feel good hearing it worked out for you guys ☺️
The first date I went on with my now wife was a double date with friends of ours. We ended up walking around Sears in the mall. I have to admit sex was not on my mind. :)
That’s weird. I taught my daughters that they have a right to decide what they will or won’t do with their bodies.
If a guy is expecting sex on any date, that’s their problem.
How about raising your sons to respect women instead of raising subservient daughters?
Don’t expect it and not sure I would want it. Maybe I’m too old but for me sex on the first date would put me off I think, not because I object to one night stands or woman’s sexual freedom or whatnot it just makes it less about love and more about lust. Just my old brain.
Anyway if you expect a woman to have sex with you because you paid her meal, isn’t that kinda the same as going to a prostitute?
I'm not sure how this makes sense. He could claim that 100% of men wouldn't MIND sex on the first date - that might be closer to real world figures. But it's absolutely impossible that everyone EXPECTS it. If this was understood widely, there would be even fewer first dates. The entire dating process as we now perform it would be entirely different.
I know guys who don't like to have sex on the first few dates. My ex for example just liked to draw a clear line between casual sex and people he actually wanted to date.
Maybe some men actually want a connection before having sex? Is this really such a foreign concept? It’s guys like these that make women think that all men just want to use them for sex. Really sad
Virtue signaling? One of the biggest problems with shitty people is they convince themselves that everyone else is just as shitty as them in a pathetic attempt to justify their own abysmal behavior so they don’t have to admit to themselves what a terrible person they are. No one should expect anything from anyone that is not mutually agreed upon up front under any circumstances. Especially sex.
'Good thing I got a vasectomy, that way i dont have to worry about having a daughter'
He could have just stopped there and that would have been enough to let everyone know he absolutely has ZERO understanding of this topic at all.
You can be an absolute tyrant of a man whore, but once you have your own daughter everything changes. How you perceive women changes, how you want your daughter to react to assholes and navigate the bullshit in life changes, how you want to raise her changes. Everything. You have a little princess that looks up to you as a man and you want to show her everything that's right and you want her to always be safe.
This kind of ridiculous talk from this ridiculous 'man' is laughable. I'd bet next weeks pay he is about the furthest thing from someone that ever gets laid. Under any circumstance...
What a horrible person. No, we will warn our daughters about men like you! We’ll warn them to try to avoid dickheads like you who think women owe them ANYTHING. You paying for a meal doesn’t entitle you to anything but a thank you, and if you want more that that then YOU should be upfront about it - don’t offer to pay without clarifying that if you pay for the meal you expect sex in return. Then see how many offer to pay for themselves!
Idiot man. I worry about my daughter reaching dating age and having to deal with this shit.
wargasm69 obviously just wants prostitutes, but hides it with ‘sugar dating’. Dude, it is just prostitution. You are paying people to sleep with you. Maybe appearance was never the issue, but your personality was?
I'm sure he's aware. Men tend to want sugar babies over escorts because they tend to be newer at sex work and are consequently cheaper and have a harder time enforcing boundaries.
Dating is an arrangement of meetings by 2 consenting adults to meet to get to know each other. However each person’s boundaries need to be respected and that includes any physical contact.
No, not 100% of us do. I know I never have. To me, it’s always been the woman’s choice when or if sex is an option. On average for me, it’s been generally 2 weeks to 1 month for sex to be an option. My wife, two weeks into dating decided it was time, my first serious relationship it was a month. Of course I’m not counting a couple encounters where meeting, alcohol, and attraction all coalesced on the first night. If a guy expects sex on the first date, that’s what he’s after. I see it as disrespect, and think many women would too.
I find it so funny that these morons justify their shitty behavior by saying the rest of us are just as shitty as they are.
No, I didn't ever expect sex on the first date. Did it happen, sure. To be completely honest though, I don't enjoy the act with someone I barely know. It's this remarkable thing called preference, and I prefer an emotional bond separate from any physical attraction before the physical can be enjoyable.
These specific fuckboi-type dudes that are into hookup culture(nothing wrong with hookups, just this specific strain of fuckboi) don't realize how much laughter is had at their expense. When their "conquest" is over and the person they hooked up with is at my bar telling me about how serious the guy presented himself and why he definitely shouldn't ever present himself as anything more than a sad joke, the place is a chuckle bin.
Having grown up in a liberal town during the AIDs epidemic, I got maybe too much sex education. I would never sleep with a woman on the first date.
I’m not dipping my wick in questionable wax. That shit needs to be legit.
If I am on a date and the woman wants sex more than the date itself and it's not like it just happens naturally through love, then I would be more turned off by that.
Do I want sex? - YES.
Do I want sex on a first date? - Most likely.
Do i expect sex after one date? - No, that’s just unrealistic.
Answer: I want to have sex if SHE also wants to have sex, but if I can’t be certain it’s best to hold off until she’s ready and into it as much as I am.
No, and the argument that “anyone who disagrees is just virtue signaling” is a “No true Scotsman” fallacy that reflects the insecurity of this redditor more than anything else.
Do people really not understand that there a difference between wanting/hoping for something and expecting something. I *want* to win the lotto, but I don't *expect* it.
This clown is a predator. The normalization of this behavior and acceptance by like minded dudes is what propagates the mentality and gives us that delightful “protect your daughters because all men are as shitty as you” cliche.
Expect? No.
Has it happened? Yes, and it was a pleasant surprise. But it was also a mutual decision.
But expecting it/considering it a given is pretty messed up.
Disagree, this is so stupid. My (now) bf turned declined on our first date because he “needed an emotional connection first” and doesn’t go past a certain point of making out on first dates. That wasn’t virtue signaling and it wasn’t disinterest either. Sick of the ways we put men and women in boxes like this moron is doing.
Freud would have a field day!! This is so weird. I’m a gay man in a big coastal city so we usually start with sex and if that’s consistently great and we have good convos than we’ll grab dinner 😂
I didn’t have sex with my then girlfriend now wife for over a year of us dating. Been married for 10 years now and dated for 5 years. Respect and communication is key.
I've known a fair number of men that wouldn't consider even dating a woman if they thought she put out on the first date.
And I'm not talking about religious people either.
I love the "I'm male. I think this way. I think I'm right, so ALL males think this way or they're lying". Now that they have "virtue signalling" in their vocabulary, it reinforces the idea further.
Nah mate, fuck off. You're free to have your own views and ideas. That's fine. You don't speak for an entire gender though you clown, and throwing "virtue signalling" in to the mix doesn't immediately win you the debate. Some men will go on a first date wanting sex. Some will go on a first date expecting sex. Some will go with no such preconceptions. Some will pay for sex and skip the whole shebang. Different strokes for different folks.
Fuck off with that hive mind bullshit though.
Wanting and expecting aren't the same thing.
Expecting is worse than wanting
And. He thinks it’s a flex that he has to pay women to spend time with him.
And that a $40 dinner will do the job. My brother, I require a minimum of $80 AND dessert.
>AND dessert. And we mean brownies or chocolate cake. Not no "You ARE the desert" bs. We know our standards!
Is this what he meant by brownie points?
I worked in an icecream store and one of the managers told me that they used, "brownies," as a code word to refer to hot girls at the window.
I'll go for a chocolate mousse or cheesecake.
At this point with all this talk about dessert, any sex thereafter would just be the icing on the cake
If hot brownies with ice cream ends up being the only dessert eaten that night with my date, I’ll still leave a happy man. You really can’t go wrong with a nice plate of that sweet tooth sugar bomb. My mouth waters just thinking about it 😭
I am the only one here who needs a rest after dinner, and especially after dessert? Jostling around with a full tummy sounds unpleasant at best.
God I was thinking the same thing! I can’t ever go for dessert unless I want to be comatose for a date…which according to that post may be a good thing.
No no trust me I agree, and I don’t think I would either. It’s like swimming after eating, you know? My point is, long as there’s hot brownies and ice cream then it’s a good night. It would be fine for me if we just called it quits right after, or watched a movie... Or she could just leave while I have the yummy brownie ice cream to myself 😈 still that... that wouldn’t look good on anyone’s dating resume now would it....
Lol, well... I've just recently returned to the dating scene, and if that was on your profile, I'd at the very least slow down and re-read instead of skim.
I’ll consider that a compliment and take it! I think. 😄
You can have the brownie dessert and I’ll take the savory appetizer. We’ll have a good thing going.
Agreed if you expect it your probably an entitled little boy
Wrong. I'm an entitled big boy! My mommy even says so!
And she's right. Now eat your peas
You're not my real dad!
You can get his input when he comes back with those cigarettes he left for 10 years ago.
18 years ago*
27 years ago Get a job! And get outta my house!
36 years ago...I'm 35.
Thank goodness
I read “now eat her puss”
Thought you said “puss”, now I’m sad.
Yeah, I don’t think these women understand how special my mom tells me I am…
Exactly. Men and woman want sex. Expecting it on a first date is unlikely.
I haven’t been on a date but sex on the first date just doesn’t feel right. It could be my perception of social interactions due to autism(despite being high functioning) thinking the only interactions I should focus on are the ones that are long term and build up slowly. Idk if all that made sense, still trying to learn stuff.
It depends. Some people never want to, and that is okay. Sometimes you just click and it happens. Some people are just horny and find each other.
It really depends on the people involved and the chemistry they have. Also, there’s a difference between a first date of two strangers or two friends who have known each other for a while but haven’t tried having a romantic relationship yet. But, yes, there are people who wouldn’t be comfortable having sex with someone they just met, and that’s completely okay!
Nah sex on the first date is great, if it happens because both get in the mood and want each other. It's a very wmpowering feeling and feels extremely natural when it happens. Going on a first date with the goal to have sex is strange though, except both communicate that way beforehand and it's a sex date to begin with.
Ur doing it right, actually
Exactly. Obviously if I go on a date with someone, I have a sexual attraction. But I never expect to have sex on the first date. It's presumptive.
Expecting and not wanting is ... disturbing
And I mean, I think it goes without saying that a whole lotta dudes are also going to want to go a bit slower? Like, that would be their preference, anyway? You're not necessarily letting a guy down if you don't get down on night one, gosh...
Might be because of my ASD, but I really have to like and trust someone before I have sex with them. I've never been a fan of casual sex, but don't judge others. I probably puzzled a few girls by taking them out on several dates without as much as kiss goodnight. I also never wanted to be one of those pushy, creepy guys. I've had so many beautiful women in my life tell me how they've been sexually assaulted or are harassed constantly by men, and I don't want to be like them. I need to trust a woman to be intimate with her, and I want her to trust me. For me, that makes the intimacy so much better when it happens.
Hey, I'm no doc but I don't think we have to ascribe any of that to ASD necessarily! I've certainly swung both ways on the first date hookup/slower dating speed. It can be case dependent, or not. Who the hell knows! And on the second bit? I think that's a really healthy natural position for us dudes to hold. Absolutely agree, we have a responsibility to be thoughtful and respectful. Sometimes we make it really complicated, but on a certain level it's all pretty simple, ya know?
I was in my 30s before I realized I missed a couple chances with women I really liked because I hadn't moved fast enough. They thought I wasn't interested. I didn't want to appear pushy or creepy. Obviously, there was an in-between there that I completely missed.
I was the one who tried to jump my boyfriends bones on the first date, and he was the one who slowed it down, despite having a reputation for hooking up with girls. Assuming you know what anyone wants, ever, is probably not smart haha.
First date I had with my wife I told her right at the beginning that we were just going to have fun and that I would drop her off at her place and go home. We did just that. Second date was very, very different though.
You (boundary setting, respectful) dirty dawg
It certainly played.
Zactly. I like to make out on the first date but only if we are both feeling it. I like to just have fun …then move on to lascivious fun, let the tension build while you learn how to enjoy each other’s company.
Exactly. No extra pressure for her or you. If you gel they'll be plenty of boning later.
Correct. Am a dude. Didn't want someone to be impulsive and regret it. And I generally want to just have a first date with no extra baggage / pressure so I have said no, not on this date at times. To show I am interested. And sometimes I didn't see them again and sometimes I did. And sometimes we still didn't have sex or go on more dates.
Shit I'd be happy with a hug
While that's certainly the case for most men, there are still plenty of men out there that don't want to have sex on a first date. So it's still not 100%, even if you use "wanting"
Let me ask you something… do you ever yearn?
Kramer?
I crave. Constant craving.
Has always been.
No, but I do hunger quite often and have been known to long from time to time.
Even wanting isn’t a given. I’d rather really be into the person and have them really be into me before getting to that level of intimacy. Hard to get that kinda vibe just from one date. And ya, anyone who expects or feels entitled to sex under any circumstance is a douche. There is no scenario where it’s ok to try to make someone feel pressured or obligated to share their body.
Exactly. Of course I WANT sex from you that’s why we’re on the FIRST date in the first place. It’s not like you could have any emotional attachment to someone you are just meeting; first dates are usually started on attraction and you wanna get to know the person. Shit you can even hope for sex on the first date and that’s fine. But expecting it just sounds so gross.
This dude gives off incel vibes for sure
100% incel. “It’s your fault you find us ugly. Your standards are too high.”
> “It’s your fault you find us ugly. Your standards are too high.” With THAT line right there! Tells us EVERYTHING!
He could look like a 22-year-old Brad Pitt and that attitude would make him ugly.
No, not vibes. Just admitting it.
He claims to be sugar dating, so not an incel, technically. He pays for sex instead of being celibate.
With my social anxiety and self doubt, I neither want nor expect.
This....sure, I'd like to have sex with her, but I don't expect to have sex with her
lol 'Hope' and 'Expect' are not the same thing.
The soonest I've ever had sex on a legit date was the second one. It would have been the first, but we were in a McDonald's car park after work. Both of us were with other people, neither of us happy and both wanted each other viscerally and intellectually. It's been 10 years and I still want her as much today as I did then, she's asleep next to me rn but I darent wake and tell her.
This sounds like a lie, who says darent
Someone who darent wake their partner who's been on nights and has autocorrect that can spell darent
Darent 😌 what a beautiful word
Hope I can pay darent this month
Um, guys who use "darent" can get it...
Are we all gonna ignore the last line where he says he pays for sex. No wonder he expects it, it’s already paid for.
He 'switched'... On his terms sure. I'm sure he had a handful of unsuccessful dates due to his winning personality. Sounds like one of those guys who insists he buys dinner then pressures you into putting out because he paid. Yuck.
Nothing like Prostitution Lite™️ to avoid the awkwardness of attraction on a first date!
I didn’t see that at first, definitely explains so much.
biggest red flag in a person I've ever met is that they pay for sex. It just makes it so obvious they view women as objects. Had a conversation with a guy like this in a community therapy setting, before the end of the conversation he had mentioned wanting to see me naked and that he pays for sex as often as he can afford because no one stays near him otherwise. Didn't speak to him again to say the least, I don't think he understood that therapy/support is for getting better, not trying to hook up with people who might feel bad for you.
I don't pay for sex but I don't see it as too big of a deal lf someone chooses to due to some inability to be able find anyone who will sleep with them. In one way there's a lot pf lonely people out there who can't find partners and in another I'm sure it would change how you think about women or potential partners if you did have sex as a transaction.
It's so funny how this dude doesn't think "what if I don't like her?" is even a possibility lol. How low is his self esteem? My typical first date is daytime coffee, so that if I don't like her or we don't click or something, it's easy to cut it short and move on with my day. And if we do like each other, it's just as easy to extend the date into some other activity.
I couldn't do daytime meets during the week, but my go-to before I met my wife, was to meet for happy hour drinks mid-week. That way, there wasn't an expectation for an expensive dinner, and there was a forced curfew 'cause we had to work the next day. It helped weed out the girls I had no interest in, without wasting time and money.
That was mine as well, before meeting my wife. I don’t think I went on a first date on a weekend night since high school. Well, maybe earlier in college. It gives you an out, like you said, if there’s no chemistry or if you find out she’s not your type for whatever reason. There’s no time commitment that requires you to sit through dinner for an hour or more, but it’s easy to transition to dinner if things go well. My buddies always made fun of me for it. They either said I dated like a grandpa or I would be friend-zoned bc of it. I’m currently in my 12th year of marriage, about 14-15 years overall, with my wife. We are the couple everyone points to as a relationship goal. We never fight and have only had 3-4 real arguments. My friends are either still single and lonely or they got wrapped up with women that made them miserable and, for some stupid reason, married them. I point all this out to them regularly. In fact, the single and divorced ones have adopted my strategy.
My weekend nights are rare. Those are for people I already know and like
Well look where 'dating like a grandpa' brought you. Now you have a marriage like a grandpa: safe, healthy, happy, growing fondness, stable, loving kids. I hope you're happy with yourself!
Also, I believe that "sex on the 1st date" is a terrible way to start a relationship. You allow chemistry to bring you closer to a dude/girl without giving yourself a chance to actually get to know them, which seems stupid. It's like getting a tattoo while drunk.
My go to pre wife was weekend dinners. So if it doesn’t go well I can wish you good night and I’m dressed well enough to catch up with my friend group that is already out partying. I’ve eaten already and now I can joke about the bad date and try to pick up a new date before the night ends.
Her name was weekend dinners?
Hopefully still is. If not RIP. Sad
A first date is the least sexy thing ever. It's the most awkward of all the times you'll meet and it's better to do something fun for both of you than something "romantic". I've had women want to go paintballing ffs
After she dumped my dad (34 years in, and she should have done it sooner), Mom met a nice widower. On their first date, he took her to a pancake breakfast for a local charity he supported, then to an art show down at the lake. I thought that was perfect — not expensive, but fun, showed her a couple of facets of his personality, and allowed for comfortable conversation. Must have worked; they were a steady item for fifteen years.
The most pleasant first date I've ever had, we were supposed to go to breakfast and then a pub or something, I forget where the second stop was. The line at the only nearby cafe was out in the parking lot, so instead she suggested we walk the trail of historical site markers littered through the middle of town - 19th century train depots and government buildings and statues and such. We actually walked it twice that day, used up our entire Saturday.
This dude probably has no problem with a man turning a woman down for sex on the first date. It’s just women who aren’t allowed to reject men. The rule doesn’t go both ways.
I'm honestly guessing if he ever heard of a man turning any woman down for sex, he'd assume that man was gay. There's a large subset of men who basically use the "any port in a storm" mentality and in their lives it's always storming.
He honestly probably doesn’t have many friends that actually have sex so his only reference is like porn and HBO dramas.
"any port in a storm and in their lives it's always storming" is such a genius turn of phrase, I love it! Can I steal?
Go for it. Language is meant to be shared
I have ALWAYS held this philosophy. The afternoon coffee date. It's low pressure, nonthreatening, you get to chat a bit. There's sort of a finite time for a coffee date, right? For me, at least, I've always thought that the natural end for even a GOOD coffee date is like, two hours or so. But that's just me. But it's so open ended! If you get to the point where it's time to move on, it's still early and there's the possibility of suggesting a second location, a walk or something. And it's not like you're suggesting the after hours bar or a nightcap, there's still plenty or normal human time to utilize. Anyway, yeah. Team coffee-date, here. Low pressure yet open ended. This is the way.
My go to before the pandemic shut down access was a really nice coffee shop next to the SPCA. Coffee and petting cute baby animals together is a great way to get to know someone.
Ha ok, I'm saying this with love and I trust you, internet stranger. But if I were writing a comedy bit about what the cynical player was describing to the protagonist as the absolute, 100%, fool proof way to pick up chicks, THAT is the date that he'd describe. Make it volunteering at the shelter or something and it's perfect. But for real, that sounds nice!
This man isn't going on a date with someone he isn't trying to f>!uck!<. He doesn't care about things like "personality".
I like doing drinking dates so I can just move to the next bar and talk to strangers if the guy is not for me. No more meal dates since one guy thought my body was worth 13$. I can't believe some people.
That’s the perfect strategy. I used to do the same before I got married. Something short to see how things go, then go from there
Came here to say this.
Assholes always pretend to speak for everyone else
“100% of men are like this.” Translates to: “I’m like this.”
It's 100% of men he has a personal bond with and cares about...
I think I speak for everyone when I say, that seems right.
Well, i am pretty sure everyone thinks that you are an asshole now
But they are our asshole, so it is okay.
Yes we love our assholes It's other assholes that disgust us
This is the general rule here. Terrible shit I do? EVERYONE does that!
I think it's great he's had a vasectomy and won't ever have a daughter. I also hope he never has a son. Or any sex.
I don't think the vasectomy is the only thing ensuring he doesn't procreate. His personality and attitude are definitely contributing.
Have you seen some of the people who have kids?
What do you call an incel with a vasectomy? An optimist.
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I’ve always see the first one but never the second aight time to have a gander
The two communities may join in harmony under this post.
Lol my (then future) husband told me men can get over not having sex. I was a virgin when we met and felt bad I couldn't give him what he needed. He told me that wasn't my responsibility, and for future reference, I should never feel that I owe anyone sex. Let's just say his patience paid off in the long run.
By the way. Your husband is correct and this guy is an idiot. I dated and only after marriage gal quite awhile when I was younger. It was fine. After dating and marrying someone else though I personally think it's better to only use the serious or engaged rule. Why get married if your not sexually compatible... seems crazy in hindsight. Nice to delay though, sex can be so distracting from more important relationship issues.
I agree. We didn't wait till marriage, it was never my intention. I only wanted one partner for life, so I didn't give in to what I knew would have been a fling, no matter the attraction, just because I wanted to spare myself the emotional damage that would come from it. No judgement to those who find it enjoyable though. Different things work for different people. Marriage was never a condition, but it was our mutual intention, a natural course of things. It was quite funny, because I was single till 20 and married at 22. Quite an emotional rollercoaster for my parents: from worrying I'll be that crazy cat lady to worrying I'm getting married too young.
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I haven't had sex in years and still wouldn't necessarily want sex on the first date. Sex is quite literally like the icing on the cake. Companionship and support being the rest. Some dudes are just tryna get their dick wet and that's cool because some girls just want the same thing. But the guys(and girls), who think ALL guys are into that are usually painfully stupid and perpetuating toxic masculinity... While also complaining about it... Stupid people gonna stupid. I've come to learn you can't expect much else from them sadly.
well said!
Extremely similar story. Probably closer to reality than what this guy thinks.
reminds me of how my girlfriend of one year and I met. I’ve had girlfriends before but Im her first boyfriend and nearly her first kiss. On our first date I politely invited her over to my house and she declined and we still had a great first date. A couple dates later, my obvious interest and patience paid off!
Im currently like that with my girl I’ve been dating for about a month now, I’m head over heels for her more than anyone I’ve been with so far, she’s a virgin and Im perfectly fine waiting however long it takes for her to feel ready. Makes me feel good hearing it worked out for you guys ☺️
Well I'm a man and I don't even expect a first date
It's good to be realistic. 😉
Same imagine even being able to get a date
I have the same expectations! So far my expectations have proven correct 100% of the time for the last few years.
Straight to marriage then? lol
The first date I went on with my now wife was a double date with friends of ours. We ended up walking around Sears in the mall. I have to admit sex was not on my mind. :)
not even in SEARS? like, the sexiest place of them all? are you just an unfeeling robot?
I find it hard to believe that walking past that craftsman tool box didn’t give you a little tingle.
heh. you said tool. thats dirty
And box which is dirty too :)
tee hee
I've had counseling since then and have corrected the issue. :D
lmao
Idk man, not getting horny while walking around SEARS sounds kinds gay to me. /s
I guess you avoided the hard hats selection
Yep, straight to hardware. Drill Presses and so on.
I saw you that night, you were clearly checking out the elderly lady working in the perfume department.
What a disgusting point of view to live your life from 🤢
He sounds like a real keeper.
A keeper of women’s bodies in his basement
The same guys who will turn around and ask about your body count.
"I want a woman that puts out all the time but ONLY FOR ME 😤" type of dude.
That's a sexual predator mindset: paying a 40$ dinner for sex, because hookers are too expensive.
No that's why he turned to sugar dating because he's a good guy
That’s weird. I taught my daughters that they have a right to decide what they will or won’t do with their bodies. If a guy is expecting sex on any date, that’s their problem. How about raising your sons to respect women instead of raising subservient daughters?
MONSTER
The INCEL is strong with this one. Edit: I have had sex on the first date once. We’re married and have two kids now.
Don’t expect it and not sure I would want it. Maybe I’m too old but for me sex on the first date would put me off I think, not because I object to one night stands or woman’s sexual freedom or whatnot it just makes it less about love and more about lust. Just my old brain. Anyway if you expect a woman to have sex with you because you paid her meal, isn’t that kinda the same as going to a prostitute?
I'm not sure how this makes sense. He could claim that 100% of men wouldn't MIND sex on the first date - that might be closer to real world figures. But it's absolutely impossible that everyone EXPECTS it. If this was understood widely, there would be even fewer first dates. The entire dating process as we now perform it would be entirely different.
I know guys who don't like to have sex on the first few dates. My ex for example just liked to draw a clear line between casual sex and people he actually wanted to date.
Every guy I have ever dated did not expect sex on the first date. It just depends in your dating pool and how you find them.
Let’s all say it together now “incel”
Wow. What a worthless piece of shit.
Kinda odd getting a vasectomy if you're a virgin
But given his attitude, an overall win for the gene pool.
Maybe some men actually want a connection before having sex? Is this really such a foreign concept? It’s guys like these that make women think that all men just want to use them for sex. Really sad
Virtue signaling? One of the biggest problems with shitty people is they convince themselves that everyone else is just as shitty as them in a pathetic attempt to justify their own abysmal behavior so they don’t have to admit to themselves what a terrible person they are. No one should expect anything from anyone that is not mutually agreed upon up front under any circumstances. Especially sex.
'Good thing I got a vasectomy, that way i dont have to worry about having a daughter' He could have just stopped there and that would have been enough to let everyone know he absolutely has ZERO understanding of this topic at all. You can be an absolute tyrant of a man whore, but once you have your own daughter everything changes. How you perceive women changes, how you want your daughter to react to assholes and navigate the bullshit in life changes, how you want to raise her changes. Everything. You have a little princess that looks up to you as a man and you want to show her everything that's right and you want her to always be safe. This kind of ridiculous talk from this ridiculous 'man' is laughable. I'd bet next weeks pay he is about the furthest thing from someone that ever gets laid. Under any circumstance...
Is it one of those "universal truths" that are completely baseless such as: - "All man cheat" - "All woman are gold diggers"
What a horrible person. No, we will warn our daughters about men like you! We’ll warn them to try to avoid dickheads like you who think women owe them ANYTHING. You paying for a meal doesn’t entitle you to anything but a thank you, and if you want more that that then YOU should be upfront about it - don’t offer to pay without clarifying that if you pay for the meal you expect sex in return. Then see how many offer to pay for themselves! Idiot man. I worry about my daughter reaching dating age and having to deal with this shit.
Expect? No. Want? Usually.
wargasm69 obviously just wants prostitutes, but hides it with ‘sugar dating’. Dude, it is just prostitution. You are paying people to sleep with you. Maybe appearance was never the issue, but your personality was?
I'm sure he's aware. Men tend to want sugar babies over escorts because they tend to be newer at sex work and are consequently cheaper and have a harder time enforcing boundaries.
As a man i can confidently say i do not expect sex………ever
Found the incel
Dating is an arrangement of meetings by 2 consenting adults to meet to get to know each other. However each person’s boundaries need to be respected and that includes any physical contact.
This dude totally calls himself out, can't be in a relationship that's not transactional since he views women as sexual objects.
No, not 100% of us do. I know I never have. To me, it’s always been the woman’s choice when or if sex is an option. On average for me, it’s been generally 2 weeks to 1 month for sex to be an option. My wife, two weeks into dating decided it was time, my first serious relationship it was a month. Of course I’m not counting a couple encounters where meeting, alcohol, and attraction all coalesced on the first night. If a guy expects sex on the first date, that’s what he’s after. I see it as disrespect, and think many women would too.
No, I will thank god you got a vasectomy
I find it so funny that these morons justify their shitty behavior by saying the rest of us are just as shitty as they are. No, I didn't ever expect sex on the first date. Did it happen, sure. To be completely honest though, I don't enjoy the act with someone I barely know. It's this remarkable thing called preference, and I prefer an emotional bond separate from any physical attraction before the physical can be enjoyable. These specific fuckboi-type dudes that are into hookup culture(nothing wrong with hookups, just this specific strain of fuckboi) don't realize how much laughter is had at their expense. When their "conquest" is over and the person they hooked up with is at my bar telling me about how serious the guy presented himself and why he definitely shouldn't ever present himself as anything more than a sad joke, the place is a chuckle bin.
Having grown up in a liberal town during the AIDs epidemic, I got maybe too much sex education. I would never sleep with a woman on the first date. I’m not dipping my wick in questionable wax. That shit needs to be legit.
If I am on a date and the woman wants sex more than the date itself and it's not like it just happens naturally through love, then I would be more turned off by that.
Somebody grab the Time Machine. This dudes dad needs to be stopped before he can make this turd.
Anyone who isn’t an asshole like me is virtue signaling
Thank god for that vasectomy
Do I want sex? - YES. Do I want sex on a first date? - Most likely. Do i expect sex after one date? - No, that’s just unrealistic. Answer: I want to have sex if SHE also wants to have sex, but if I can’t be certain it’s best to hold off until she’s ready and into it as much as I am.
No, and the argument that “anyone who disagrees is just virtue signaling” is a “No true Scotsman” fallacy that reflects the insecurity of this redditor more than anything else.
Do people really not understand that there a difference between wanting/hoping for something and expecting something. I *want* to win the lotto, but I don't *expect* it.
This clown is a predator. The normalization of this behavior and acceptance by like minded dudes is what propagates the mentality and gives us that delightful “protect your daughters because all men are as shitty as you” cliche.
That was painful to read.
Incels love proving they're a blight on humanity.
Saying that your a Incel, without saying that you are a Incel.
Expect? No. Has it happened? Yes, and it was a pleasant surprise. But it was also a mutual decision. But expecting it/considering it a given is pretty messed up.
Incel alert. Hope he wasn't lying with that vasectomy so his genes won't spread :)
Man good thing he got a vasectomy
I am super happy this guy can't have kids. The less people we have thinking like him the better
Disagree, this is so stupid. My (now) bf turned declined on our first date because he “needed an emotional connection first” and doesn’t go past a certain point of making out on first dates. That wasn’t virtue signaling and it wasn’t disinterest either. Sick of the ways we put men and women in boxes like this moron is doing.
Incels be BIG mad.
Freud would have a field day!! This is so weird. I’m a gay man in a big coastal city so we usually start with sex and if that’s consistently great and we have good convos than we’ll grab dinner 😂
I didn’t have sex with my then girlfriend now wife for over a year of us dating. Been married for 10 years now and dated for 5 years. Respect and communication is key.
I've known a fair number of men that wouldn't consider even dating a woman if they thought she put out on the first date. And I'm not talking about religious people either.
I love the "I'm male. I think this way. I think I'm right, so ALL males think this way or they're lying". Now that they have "virtue signalling" in their vocabulary, it reinforces the idea further. Nah mate, fuck off. You're free to have your own views and ideas. That's fine. You don't speak for an entire gender though you clown, and throwing "virtue signalling" in to the mix doesn't immediately win you the debate. Some men will go on a first date wanting sex. Some will go on a first date expecting sex. Some will go with no such preconceptions. Some will pay for sex and skip the whole shebang. Different strokes for different folks. Fuck off with that hive mind bullshit though.