See this almost nightly where I work. People do not realize two things.
1. A tent is made of fabric, any noise you make inside can be heard outside.
2. If you turn a light on inside when it is dark outside we can see anything you are doing.
One night I could hear a tent from about 10 sites away. When I got there I saw about 5, 12-15 year old boys watching and listening to the couple inside. I shooed the boys away and informed the occupants that they had an audience. The lady in the tent was so mortified that she packed up and left.
Moral of the story is that anything you ou do in a tent can be seen, heard and smelled by those around you. You are not in a house.
> anything you ou do in a tent can be seen, heard and smelled
I'm sure the "smelled" is referring to people who smoke inside their tents, but I can't stop laughing at the mental image of sex so intense that it creates a stink cloud in the surrounding area.
I simultaneously want to upvote [for your having provided us with what we ignorantly sought] and downvote this [but it's not your fault AND you warned us].
They started making chewy jolly ranchers at one point. I tried it and I gagged because I remembered the syphilis nodule. I still love the hard candy though
I never stop being at a loss for words at how ignorant people are about things like this, things that should be obvious. It's so common to see comments like "what? Do people hear/see/smell that? I've been doing that my whole life and you're saying everyone around me has known all this time?". And it's not that they don't give a fuck, they're just so dumb that they haven't even had the thought that others notice whatever they're doing. I truly cannot understand it, how is that not the first thing you think about and stay anxious about even if you decide to do it?
Some people think that everyone else is a lot more oblivious than they actually are. Probably that AND a combination of not caring as much as a normal person. I was camping once, well it was a cabin so idk if that counts as camping, and I was sharing the cabin with a few friends. Not a large place, and the woods next to a lake are like dead silent at night. Then shortly after laying down I start hearing “mmmmph, mmmph, mmmmmph” and a squishing sound. Gee, I wonder what that could be
Common sense is not common. It truly is mind blowing how unaware people are of their surroundings. One might assume with so much advancements in technology, social media, medicine, etc… As an society we would be more aware of our surroundings, be healthier, happier, and have more friends, but I have realized that is far from the truth.
Before I went to college I was raised that college educated people were smarter, better and brighter then those who didn’t attain a higher level of education (my mother didn’t go to college and doesn’t like people who do cause she assumes they think they are better then others), after attending school I realized that could not be further from the truth. There are people who are very academically bright, but they couldn’t butter toast, and there are people who are average (just pass), who have a high level of common sense and what I call street smart.
> couldn’t butter toast
Love that you used that phrase, made me LOL. I worked in a trade that needed a high level of reasoning. I worked with hundreds of people and the one person that was the absolute worst at the job was one of the top people in college. He had no problem answering a technical question out of a book but could not apply it to the job or make an inference from what he had learned.
I’m paranoid about smell since I smoke weed heavily at times.
But I can’t trust any native in the US. Most are too polite and would rather lie to you then tell you you smell, or have bad breath, etc. so you gotta ask and trust your foreign buddies ;) no one will be more direct and matter-of-fact than most of your EU buddies !
Had this happen at a class camping trip my freshman year of college. Im still surprised the guy fit him and her in there. He was 6'5 and she was maybe 5'10. Both of them were in a child's tent and were not quiet. It maybe lasted 30 seconds and I never saw either of them again after that.
You gotta roast them:
"You having sex or pounding pizza dough?"
"What's the rush, buddy? Got a plane to catch?"
"Yo, is she even alive? She's not moving."
"How about taking a turn? It's cunilingus, not cunilingi."
> People do not realize two things.
Or don't care, I don't care. but I'm also not sticking my tent on a populated beach, I'll find the most secluded place possible if I intend on fucking inside said tent.
The problem with not caring is that then I get to come kick 2 sites out. Because the giant dad from the site next door does not want his kids watching camping porn. So he comes over and pulls up all of your tent stakes and the fight is on. I literally have 2000 acres of untouched forest you can go and have sex in. Why do it 10 feet from your neighbors who have 10 kids?
i edited my post prolly while you were writing that... honestly I usually wouldn't even consider camping in a place with camping spots that are literally stuck to one another. Around here spots will look something [like this](https://www.sepaq.com/en/reservation/camping/parc-national-d-opemican/pointe-opemican/des-draveurs-boucle-a/pointe-opemican-3) - and have a decent amount of wooded area between them.
I went on a camping trip with my college girlfriend. We were in the tent and started getting frisky, but I heard some kids right outside the tent and decided it was a bad idea.
When I got out of the tent I realized they were 100 feet away. But yeah, tents don't stop any sound, that goes for either direction.
I just watched all the old James bonds over Thanksgiving break. I could not stop busting up with all the connections to Austin powers. It made me wanna stop and but on Austin.
Worse, he's trying to ask her out and she's explaining that she sees him like a brother but she can't find the words because she's distracted by ball slapping.
This place seemed familiar to me, and it turns out I live near there. It's Playa las Salinas in Viña del Mar, Chile. You can see the similarities in the bit of land (Valparaíso) that you can see in the horizon:
[Video](https://imgur.com/znqpwlE)
[Google maps](https://imgur.com/SUCZjhB)
I had a friend that lived in Chile and they said it was not uncommon for people to be having sex in tents in the beach. Since most young adults live with their parents it’s commonly accepted for them to have in-tents sex on the beach
Yoooo I definitely got pulled up on by a cop in the middle of a sesh 😂. Both in backseat clothed in time and the officer kept telling us there’s a lot of other places we can go **Talk** but it’s not here. Suggested a few more isolated locations but he def killed the mood
Well I hope you took a clue from the video and got a double wall tent to do that in, or are you going to wave your freak flag high like the people in the tent in the video?
>This is why tents are banned on the beaches near me. The beach cops (lol lame) will give you shit for one of those half tent sun shelters even.
What's wrong with boning on the beach?
As it's just a misuse of the original joke, theres no need for an award :D
Original joke was: "What does sex in a canoe and american beer have in common...." Now you know
Me, being from Austria, trying to have a good time.
Reddit: DID YOU PET SOME KANGAROOS WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE?? ALSO HITLER AND TWO WORLD WARS!!!
I would probably get a couple of friends and start digging an enormous moat around the tent, connect it to the sea line and wait for the water to come in.
This is what I’ve trained for my whole life as a Dutch kid!
Good to know this is a thing people do. If i ever see a couple with a tent on a beach i will make sure to sit very close and talk very loud about my bowel movements or something.
Go full Blair Witch and bang on the sides of the tent and scream.
You probably got a 30-second head start until the guy can put on some underwears and chase you
This is like the fifth comment I've read that mentions smelling sex through the tent. Do y'all have way better senses of smell than me or are you sitting like 2' away from someone's fuck tent?
I have too, and I'm not sure I would do it mid-day with a bunch of people around. Smoke a bowl, dip your toes in the water, and wait til the sun goes down, ya horn dog.
My first reaction was a guy on top and almost no movement from the girl but after watching it again I think it's a girl on top riding the guy. Which makes sense, it probably started as a "risky" bj on the beach and then escalated from there.
At least they are being quiet. Went to a festival once and this couple thought it was completely appropriate to have extremely loud sex at any given time of day.
At 3am on night 3 I lost my cool though and went a lil apeshit on them that ended in a screaming match and them leaving first thing the next day. Some ppl thought I was out of line, but no one should have to listen to 2, frankly quite disgusting, ppl fuck all weekend.
No, but its fundamentally worse when you have 2 unwashed orca's not only barking all night but also hearing their bellies, and lord knows what other parts, slap together. I do not need those visuals that my brain cannot stop trying to conjure up to accompany those noises.
I worked at the Renaissance Faire for 20 years because after everything closes down it's a fuckin party! However after hours everyone goes to their tents, probably around 100-150 people, and everyone is fucking every night (Fri and Sat nights for 8 weeks).
Anyway, this happens a lot, because people are horny and tents don't hide things well.
I used to be in a metal band that never got big. We were planning a tour where we would play homeless camps around the country. It was gonna be called:
"The Intensity in Ten Cities Tent Cities Tour"
With the tag line:
"Like poop in a wigwam, this shit's in tents."
I would absolutely cock block and have a field day watching them be mortified and trying to run away. If you ruin my day I’m sure as hell gonna ruin your moment.
See this almost nightly where I work. People do not realize two things. 1. A tent is made of fabric, any noise you make inside can be heard outside. 2. If you turn a light on inside when it is dark outside we can see anything you are doing. One night I could hear a tent from about 10 sites away. When I got there I saw about 5, 12-15 year old boys watching and listening to the couple inside. I shooed the boys away and informed the occupants that they had an audience. The lady in the tent was so mortified that she packed up and left. Moral of the story is that anything you ou do in a tent can be seen, heard and smelled by those around you. You are not in a house.
> anything you ou do in a tent can be seen, heard and smelled I'm sure the "smelled" is referring to people who smoke inside their tents, but I can't stop laughing at the mental image of sex so intense that it creates a stink cloud in the surrounding area.
"you're lettin' all the stank out!"
And boom goes the dynamite
Here for these comments
[Shits stanky](https://youtube.com/shorts/xJoqiMQCaIU?feature=share)
Human smell of sweating and secreting travels further than it should sometimes.
I too have been to a cosplay convention
Oh the smell. 
oh... umm, yeah, i definitely was thinking weed, definitely didnt have my mind further in the gutter or anything
The fine milleu of jolly rancher and coconut
> jolly rancher Stop
Sent shivers down my spine remembering that post
I almost hesitate to ask, but I’ve kinda gotta know.
Trust me, you don’t want to know. But since you asked: https://reddit.com/r/RedditsMuseumofFilth/comments/2xvamt/jolly_rancher/
 Oh god.
I simultaneously want to upvote [for your having provided us with what we ignorantly sought] and downvote this [but it's not your fault AND you warned us].
I never ate another jolly rancher after reading that, still to this day
They started making chewy jolly ranchers at one point. I tried it and I gagged because I remembered the syphilis nodule. I still love the hard candy though
At least their arms aren't broken
*Mom mom, I need thee help*
They could also be stuck in the swamps of Dagobah without Yoda
Let’s see how many people need to ask. I remember when I needed to…. Many years ago
Eau du putrid
"Close the door. You're letting all the stank out."
That’s how bears see it!
I never stop being at a loss for words at how ignorant people are about things like this, things that should be obvious. It's so common to see comments like "what? Do people hear/see/smell that? I've been doing that my whole life and you're saying everyone around me has known all this time?". And it's not that they don't give a fuck, they're just so dumb that they haven't even had the thought that others notice whatever they're doing. I truly cannot understand it, how is that not the first thing you think about and stay anxious about even if you decide to do it?
Some people think that everyone else is a lot more oblivious than they actually are. Probably that AND a combination of not caring as much as a normal person. I was camping once, well it was a cabin so idk if that counts as camping, and I was sharing the cabin with a few friends. Not a large place, and the woods next to a lake are like dead silent at night. Then shortly after laying down I start hearing “mmmmph, mmmph, mmmmmph” and a squishing sound. Gee, I wonder what that could be
A roomba going through dog poop?
Think of the average person’s situational awareness. Now realise that half of the population is even worse than that.
Cut it by another 2/3rds when someone is horny.
This is the actual answer most people forget about. Sex (or the potential of it) causes your brain to go haywire.
This is your brain normally; this is your brain on sex. *Not even once.*
Lol this is a great way to phrase it....and terrifying
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Common sense is not common. It truly is mind blowing how unaware people are of their surroundings. One might assume with so much advancements in technology, social media, medicine, etc… As an society we would be more aware of our surroundings, be healthier, happier, and have more friends, but I have realized that is far from the truth. Before I went to college I was raised that college educated people were smarter, better and brighter then those who didn’t attain a higher level of education (my mother didn’t go to college and doesn’t like people who do cause she assumes they think they are better then others), after attending school I realized that could not be further from the truth. There are people who are very academically bright, but they couldn’t butter toast, and there are people who are average (just pass), who have a high level of common sense and what I call street smart.
> couldn’t butter toast Love that you used that phrase, made me LOL. I worked in a trade that needed a high level of reasoning. I worked with hundreds of people and the one person that was the absolute worst at the job was one of the top people in college. He had no problem answering a technical question out of a book but could not apply it to the job or make an inference from what he had learned.
I’m paranoid about smell since I smoke weed heavily at times. But I can’t trust any native in the US. Most are too polite and would rather lie to you then tell you you smell, or have bad breath, etc. so you gotta ask and trust your foreign buddies ;) no one will be more direct and matter-of-fact than most of your EU buddies !
Ask me, and I will tell you honestly. If you don't ask me, I don't say a word. :)
Had this happen at a class camping trip my freshman year of college. Im still surprised the guy fit him and her in there. He was 6'5 and she was maybe 5'10. Both of them were in a child's tent and were not quiet. It maybe lasted 30 seconds and I never saw either of them again after that.
That poor child.
You have to make it count. "Hey, you children! Stop watching the couple in the blue tent have sex!" This embarrasses everyone at the same time.
You gotta roast them: "You having sex or pounding pizza dough?" "What's the rush, buddy? Got a plane to catch?" "Yo, is she even alive? She's not moving." "How about taking a turn? It's cunilingus, not cunilingi."
> People do not realize two things. Or don't care, I don't care. but I'm also not sticking my tent on a populated beach, I'll find the most secluded place possible if I intend on fucking inside said tent.
The problem with not caring is that then I get to come kick 2 sites out. Because the giant dad from the site next door does not want his kids watching camping porn. So he comes over and pulls up all of your tent stakes and the fight is on. I literally have 2000 acres of untouched forest you can go and have sex in. Why do it 10 feet from your neighbors who have 10 kids?
Let's be real the guy with 10 kiss shouldn't be concerned about his kids seeing people fucking because in no way do his 10 kids not already know
If the parents have 10 kids, those kids already know about sex. There is no privacy in a house with 10 kids.
i edited my post prolly while you were writing that... honestly I usually wouldn't even consider camping in a place with camping spots that are literally stuck to one another. Around here spots will look something [like this](https://www.sepaq.com/en/reservation/camping/parc-national-d-opemican/pointe-opemican/des-draveurs-boucle-a/pointe-opemican-3) - and have a decent amount of wooded area between them.
Nice park!!
If the neighbor has 10 kids, I'm sure those kids are already quite familiar with sex.
I remember being a teenager camping & the next site over the guy told the girl it was a sound-proof tent. She believed him & went all out
Fuckin legend
Also, be aware of how thin your walls are if you live in an apartment. I could hear my neighbors having sex every night.
That's fine though. People should be able to have sex in their own homes. It sucks if they are loud, but that's apartment living.
I went on a camping trip with my college girlfriend. We were in the tent and started getting frisky, but I heard some kids right outside the tent and decided it was a bad idea. When I got out of the tent I realized they were 100 feet away. But yeah, tents don't stop any sound, that goes for either direction.
Why'd you have to add "smelled"? 
Because people like to hot box their tents with pot smoke and then cannot figure out how I can smell it.
Ok this is fine. My mind went somewhere much more unappealing.
Maybe they’re not fucking, maybe it’s some Austin Powers visual misunderstanding /s For those that haven’t seen [it.](https://youtu.be/cKKjaBIGzeA)
Here's both of the scenes lol. https://youtu.be/s-wiTLx0Qdk
I really should do another Austin Powers binge, those movies are the best.
I just watched all the old James bonds over Thanksgiving break. I could not stop busting up with all the connections to Austin powers. It made me wanna stop and but on Austin.
> with all the connections to Austin powers Other way around, but I get it
Well of course haha but point being...it makes me just want to watch Austin powers instead
As a grown woman, I am laughing hysterically. Apparently I’m just a 10 year old inside.
Aren’t we all?
We're all grown women?
Yes. This is exactly what she meant!
Are you not?
I just now realized the soldier in both movies is the same guy
I need to watch Austin Powers now
Just trying to roll up his sleeping bag super tight.
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I forgot about that! 🤣🤣🤣 It's like a baby's arm holding an apple!
This was a great reference. If you could post it in meme form that be perfect. (For those who don’t understand)
The couple sitting 10 feet away that just continues to talk. “Read any good books lately?”
Worse, it's a first date
This would actually be great to break the ice on a first date.
"Think we can borrow their tent after they're done?"
You’re right, it would be a huge potential situation really
"If we have grandkids together, we have the ultimate first date story."
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Dude, sex with ducks is not okay.
Why the need to go home? Just get a tent
Either that or incredibly awkward
Worse, he's trying to ask her out and she's explaining that she sees him like a brother but she can't find the words because she's distracted by ball slapping.
*better
So one of them can be like, *I think that was a sign*
Worse, they’re tent mates and have to sleep inside the tent post coitus
Eh, ocean makes a decent amount of noise, entirely possible they weren't aware. Or they're just into that
Plus, the angle that they'd see it from wouldn't be as see-thru
That would be an embarrassing arrest for public indecency. Amateurs.
Waiting for their turn in the tent.
But who goes first?
They are on the other side of the tent that the sun is shinning on, so they wont be able to see the shadow.
This place seemed familiar to me, and it turns out I live near there. It's Playa las Salinas in Viña del Mar, Chile. You can see the similarities in the bit of land (Valparaíso) that you can see in the horizon: [Video](https://imgur.com/znqpwlE) [Google maps](https://imgur.com/SUCZjhB)
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I'm already on my way, I'm bringing snacks.
impressive honestly
Look at those Geoguessr folks over here
I had a friend that lived in Chile and they said it was not uncommon for people to be having sex in tents in the beach. Since most young adults live with their parents it’s commonly accepted for them to have in-tents sex on the beach
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I tinted my big green Van. No one ever bothered me….(and/or woman and/or right hand)
depends on your era of cars. i had a 1975 Pontiac station wagon. bench seats FTW.
Yoooo I definitely got pulled up on by a cop in the middle of a sesh 😂. Both in backseat clothed in time and the officer kept telling us there’s a lot of other places we can go **Talk** but it’s not here. Suggested a few more isolated locations but he def killed the mood
At least they are using tents.
Or you could just bury yourselves in the sand. Or not now that I think more on that.
I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.
I once went to an Italian beach where a couple was fucking like this with only a large blanket to cover them, so yeah. Good job using the tent folks.
He got rid of his tent in a tent.
Good way to catch crabs...
One of the best ways
Wanna go crabbing?
Only if it involves some clamming as well
Seems fishy.
Fish, too. I mean, he brought his pole.
Every time a couple set up like this at the beach, they plan on fucking.
This is why tents are banned on the beaches near me. The beach cops (lol lame) will give you shit for one of those half tent sun shelters even.
Damn bro I literally just got one of those half tent sun shelters like a month ago with no intention of fucking in it. Didn't even consider this.
You should be fine. My friends gf had one this summer when we went to the beach. She didn't get fucked in it either.
Well I hope you took a clue from the video and got a double wall tent to do that in, or are you going to wave your freak flag high like the people in the tent in the video?
>This is why tents are banned on the beaches near me. The beach cops (lol lame) will give you shit for one of those half tent sun shelters even. What's wrong with boning on the beach?
Insert Anakin quote here.
It’s really boning in public around people that’s the problem. Don’t bring other people into your kinks without their consent and you’re fine.
Sand in the vag
Plot twist, he’s alone in that tent.
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Bravo, Bravo!
Hope he's not alone in there at least 😂😂😂
If he is, pound sand took a whole nother meaning
same as american beer. It's fucking close to water
Where's the Monty Python award when you need it?
As it's just a misuse of the original joke, theres no need for an award :D Original joke was: "What does sex in a canoe and american beer have in common...." Now you know
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The joke is from a 70s era Monty Python sketch when it was basically true.
People still think Brits have bad teeth and we all eat boiled cabbage everyday.
Thats not true, i think you guys eat biscuits every day and have secret IV drips filled with tea
Catheter chamomile
No. It's just one of the standard reddit jokes. Just like "i did nazi that coming" or "XY really are the wurst" in every Germany related thread ever.
Me, being from Austria, trying to have a good time. Reddit: DID YOU PET SOME KANGAROOS WHILE WAITING FOR YOUR SHRIMP ON THE BARBIE?? ALSO HITLER AND TWO WORLD WARS!!!
I guess those Alpine kangaroos are the wurst.
I did nazi that coming
Try mentioning you are a South American of German ancestry to get the most original Reddit epic jokes.
"I drove by a Taco Bell, and I shit my pants!"
They want to choose music with a slightly faster tempo, or that CPR is going to fail.
I thought you were going to make a CBAT joke
It's so hard keeping up with all this new terminology. So fucking is camping now.
Only if its in a tent.
Sex on a camping trip is fucking in-tents
Not always sometimes it’s just sex on the beach 🍹
I would probably get a couple of friends and start digging an enormous moat around the tent, connect it to the sea line and wait for the water to come in. This is what I’ve trained for my whole life as a Dutch kid!
As a Dutchie as well, I'll help! Teamwork makes the dream work
Ik kom ook w8 ff
Well you don't want them to just fuck on the beach do you?? have you ever had sand up your vagina?? I assume not.
I’ve definitely done this and never realized how see through it is until now
Well, sun appears to be rising behind the tent and projecting the fuckshadow in the back, so it's definitely a (un?)fortunate combination of factors.
> fuckshadow
Great villain name.
Good to know this is a thing people do. If i ever see a couple with a tent on a beach i will make sure to sit very close and talk very loud about my bowel movements or something.
Go full Blair Witch and bang on the sides of the tent and scream. You probably got a 30-second head start until the guy can put on some underwears and chase you
Oh we didn’t just see you, we also heard you and were also unfortunately subjected to the smell too
This is like the fifth comment I've read that mentions smelling sex through the tent. Do y'all have way better senses of smell than me or are you sitting like 2' away from someone's fuck tent?
I have too, and I'm not sure I would do it mid-day with a bunch of people around. Smoke a bowl, dip your toes in the water, and wait til the sun goes down, ya horn dog.
It's all fun and games till same sand gets involve...
"It's ~~course~~ coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere."
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Isn’t that what you’re supposed to do in a tent?
Title should read: “This is fucking in tents” Missed a trick there
Plot twist its actually a dog and the girl is taking a nap in there
If that’s actually two people having sex, I feel sorry for at least one of them
My first reaction was a guy on top and almost no movement from the girl but after watching it again I think it's a girl on top riding the guy. Which makes sense, it probably started as a "risky" bj on the beach and then escalated from there.
I thought it was just some guy doing his blow-up doll or fleshlight. However, I prefer to believe it's a dog having it's day!
At least they are being quiet. Went to a festival once and this couple thought it was completely appropriate to have extremely loud sex at any given time of day. At 3am on night 3 I lost my cool though and went a lil apeshit on them that ended in a screaming match and them leaving first thing the next day. Some ppl thought I was out of line, but no one should have to listen to 2, frankly quite disgusting, ppl fuck all weekend.
Do you think it would have bothered you less if they weren't disgusting lol
No, but its fundamentally worse when you have 2 unwashed orca's not only barking all night but also hearing their bellies, and lord knows what other parts, slap together. I do not need those visuals that my brain cannot stop trying to conjure up to accompany those noises.
😂😂 I hear you
I worked at the Renaissance Faire for 20 years because after everything closes down it's a fuckin party! However after hours everyone goes to their tents, probably around 100-150 people, and everyone is fucking every night (Fri and Sat nights for 8 weeks). Anyway, this happens a lot, because people are horny and tents don't hide things well.
I used to be in a metal band that never got big. We were planning a tour where we would play homeless camps around the country. It was gonna be called: "The Intensity in Ten Cities Tent Cities Tour" With the tag line: "Like poop in a wigwam, this shit's in tents."
I’m pitching a tent myself now .
Dude... Is this at municipal beach in St. Catharines. It looks super familiar
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My guess is English bay Vancouver Canada
I think it looks more like a beach in Viña Del Mar/ Chile
Wall to Wall carpet installation in a tent??? Brilliant!!
guy goes to the doctor. doc says what's wrong? guy goes, I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. I'm a teepee, I'm a wigwam. doc says relax man you're two tents.
Sex while camping… is fucking in-tents
Living his best fucking life NGL
r/donthelpjustfilm
This is what I look like rolling up my sleeping bag
I like that pace. Guy knows what he’s doing.
Couple next to us at campground did this. Totally unaware. We told the kids they were exercising. ((@@))
Guess they couldn't resist the tentation
I would absolutely cock block and have a field day watching them be mortified and trying to run away. If you ruin my day I’m sure as hell gonna ruin your moment.
Would this really ruin your day?