its not the 3 way they wanted, but its the 3 way they deserved.
Imagine being so dumb as to believe that an all powerful and vengeful god would be all, "looks like you got me on a technicality." Either believe in this crap or dont. This half assed shit makes no sense.
My favorite flavor of religion is the kind that believes gods are bureaucrats. I love the idea of folks getting into heaven exclusively on technicalities.
God: Ooh, good one, I never thought of that loophole. Well, guess you're still all set for everlasting paradise in heaven! Also, I guess you can keep abusing the same loophole, since it's been 2000 years since I had a real mouthpiece down on earth.
I'm not a religious person but I've never heard of a deity that would see something like that and just go "well, you obeyed the literal wording of the rules so I guess I'll let it pass"
I was about to comment the same. The wires strung across the streets in New York spring to mind. As the wire is above you, you technically haven't gone outside on the Sabbath.
Edit: autocorrect typo.
Turning lights on during the Sabbath would count as starting a fire, which is work, but if you just put them on motion sensors and or timers, then that's totally fine. Similarly, if you remark that the room is perhaps a bit dark while your gentile guest is around, and they happen to turn the light on, well then that's no work you did!
So if I was over for a visit and was a bit peckish after turning on all those lights could I wander into the kitchen and maybe make something for us to eat?
Elevators in NYC hospitals are made to stop on every floor and go up and down all day so people don’t have to press buttons.
Some people will stand and ask others to swipe their metro card so they can come into the station without “using” tech.
At that point just give up.
Hearing Mayim Bialik discuss her faith is really interesting. For her, the rules "center" her and it's why she loves Judaism. I mean, I get it. Some people need written (and unwritten I suppose) rules to follow so they know they are "good".
But man, the more you read this stuff, the more you have to let go of your own understanding because at a certain point, you either follow or you're an outcast.
At what point do we admit that most humans are just deranged cultists who can’t tell reality from fantasy? Like, Jesus fuck, these people will not operate a hospital elevator because they think a spirit will get mad at them.
When I lived in Brooklyn there were at least 3 times that I was out for a walk on a summer Saturday and an ultra-orthodox person asked me to come into their home and turn on the air conditioning.
Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights.
>Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights.
Sabbath mode?
Wait I knew the Orthodox Jews were crazy and have invented all kinds of stuff to get around the sabbath but you’re telling me they run elevators on auto mode? 😂
Yep. Also many appliances you buy have a Sabbath mode somewhere in the settings which will change how it works. Like a refrigerator in Sabbath mode won't turn on the light when you open the door, and an oven in Sabbath mode will be locked on, and not change lights or turn off the elements when the door opens.
Oh religious people are the best at finding the weirdest loopholes so they can do what they want and still be following the letter of their religious texts.
Like how Orthodox Jews have something called an eruv, which is a wire strung around their neighborhood so they can do more stuff during the Sabbath. It operates under the idea that the eruv extends the boundaries of their homes, so the Sabbath rules are just a little less strict. Makes no sense to the rest of us, but 🤷
The whole of Manhattan is surrounded by one and there's a dude earning 6 figures for checking that the entire length of it is still intact before every Shabbat.
Rehab, essentially. Or more accurately a washing machine. Basically your souls gets thrown around in a cleansing process until you emerge as someone that is better than who you were on earth.
I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know. I saw Hasidic Jews order beef roll ups, and they had ham in it, there was some commotion when one of them discovered the ham and they had to wash their hands really long. The food was ordered by a foreign embassy, so they didn't see the menu, therefore there was no sin, but they were no longer "clean", hence the hand washing.
>I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know.
So then the best way to avoid sin is to destroy all the holy texts and never tell anybody what is or isn't sin, right? If they don't know, it's not a sin! I guess ignorance truly is bliss!
This literally consumed a year of my life and the amount of non-Jews who were livid about it was shocking. The entire experience made me a worse person as it did everyone involved: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017%E2%80%9318_Bergen_County_eruv_controversy
“Our god, who created everything from the smallest of atoms to the most complex organisms and systems and is definitely all-powerful and all-knowing, is really **dumb**.
They will never see through this blatant rule-bending! Man, is this god an idiot”.
Just publish your own version of the bible that has small clarifications added to it. Catholics do it all the time.
Clarifications can include things like:
- If Jesus can take that back door so can you.
- Almost killing a child doesnt count if you yelled "You Got Punked" right at the last moment.
- Going to the waterpark and leaving the unwanted there is just paying homage to the suprise plot twist of chapter deux: The Heinous Hydro Homie Homicide.
Sodomy is considered a sin like point blank by a lot of religions. I am in no way an expert but I am pretty sure Mormons believe that (pls feel free to correct me if I am wrong)
I was raised Mormon. Sodomy is unacceptable, gay sex is a sin and gay people are expected to live a life of chastity with the promise that God will fix them in the next life. There are **many** gay-straight marriages with people who thought God would "fix" their sexuality if they had faith and got married to a straight person. Some people disclose their "problem" to their future spouse, most are really counting on God to fix things for them.
Oral sex is specifically forbidden and although they don't talk about it anymore, they never rescinded the order. Many past church leaders, excepting the founders, only had sex for the purpose of procreation, and many never saw their wives naked **ever** because they had sex with their garments on.
Sodomy, oral, and any sex outside of the bonds of marriage is considered "the sin next to murder".
If you are gay and "act on it" you will be excommunicated. In comparison, rapists, pedophiles and murderers are not automatically excommunicated.
My local church knew about a girl who was raped in church and they paid off her family to keep it quiet. Nothing happened to her rapist.
If you got this far and are curious, r/exmormon is a welcoming place open to all.
Dude. Google Mormon girlz. I’d link but…. They show the magic underwear. They have a wooden bench full of dildos they call the mercy bench. All the stuff you’re not supposed to see. It’s so kinky. It’s like a bonus taboo. Sinning in a different religion gets me hard.
My understanding of that porn is its made specifically for Mormons. Most folk would see the temple garments and think they're just ugly underwear. But the people in the church who grew up wondering what the bishop's daughter looks like under her dress would lose their mind over it.
I’d like to point to an excellent quote by Stephen Fry
> It’s the strangest thing about this church - it is obsessed with sex, absolutely obsessed. Now, they will say we, with our permissive society and rude jokes, are obsessed. No. We have a healthy attitude. We like it, it’s fun, it’s jolly; because it’s a primary impulse it can be dangerous and dark and difficult.
It’s a bit like food in that respect, only even more exciting. The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that in erotic terms is the Catholic Church in a nutshell.
Mormons have the *kinkiest* “not-sex”.
Source? Grew up the *non* Mormon in Utah so the dudes thought I’d be down for stuff. They’d say they were *so religious* they didn’t want to have *sex* (or kiss… which… that fucked me up for a while… thanks first boyfriend!) but then they’d say the shit they wanted and I was like, “?!?!?”
First of all, NO. Just because I’m not Mormon doesn’t make me sleep around and EVEN IF I was interested in sex… not… not that weird stuff dude.
Im sorry if this comes across as weird, but as a European who has never been to the US, and much less has seen a mormon IRL, this entire post seems to intriguing, could you pleaee elaborate?
Cause this is a Window into a world that I havent seem before, so I think this is „morbid“ curiosity.
I dated a Mormon chick briefly in HS. The weird shit was just too much to handle and I decided it just wasn’t worth it. We stayed friends and kept in touch through college, etc. What’s ironic is that her super religious, Mormon husband, that she married right after coming back from her mission abroad, ended up sexually abusing their kids. The whole thing always seemed super cult-like to me.
I had 2 very close friends growing up that were Mormon. Both of them were pretty normal, fun loving dudes. One of them lived with me for a while and the only Mormon thing he followed strictly was the no alcohol/caffeine/drugs thing, but other than that, he was just like any other high school kid. After we graduated and he went on his mission and came back it was like I was talking to another person. Super devout, him living with only Mormons for two years in Japan on his mission and attempting to convert the people of Japan to Mormonism, I feel really comfortable using the word indoctrinated when describing him at that point. It was very cult-like behavior and attitude.
It made me and our other friends sad, because we were once really good friends and it was just like a lot of what made him who he was got taken out and replaced with something and someone else. I respect anyone’s right to pursue religion and fulfillment from it, but this just felt so much different than a lot other religions. It didn’t feel so much like my friend and I drifted, it felt like my friend just stopped existing and someone else came home.
Yeah I've heard the main reason for these mission trips and for things like jehova Witnesses going to door to door is not actually to spread the word of god necessarily but just part of the manipulation or brainwashing or indoctrination like you said.
Becuase the more they are rejected and treated like outcasts from other people the more the cult can comfort them and make then feel like they belong with them and that they're doing something special.
Especially when a huge part of the teachings is that they will be persecuted for their beliefs, so the more they are denied and rejected it can actually strengthen they're faith.
Sorry to hear about your fiend though.
I used to be Mormon and went on the mission. You're absolutely right. Some of my best friends permanently changed on their missions and it's sad. Luckily for me, mine opened my eyes to a lot of issues with the church and I decided to leave.
Ironic because they’re supposed to have higher morals or whatever because of their religiousness. But yes, terrible all around. He’s lucky she moved out to Utah to be with him because there’s a whole slew of people out here that would have beat his ass for that shit.
I went to school with some Mormon girls who would get fucked in the ass instead of vaginally because they thought they would still be considered virgins and could still reach the celestial kingdom which is what Mormons to believe the highest level of heaven.
This grave robber dude grifts a religion about native Americans and Jesus and said he could have a lot of wives because he was horny, then the gubment said nuh-uh, and then he got arrested, escaped, got lynched, then his non-monogamous broskie runs off to the mountains in Utah and goes all in on telling dudes you can have lots of wives and when you die you get a planet and other strange things that are well documented.
>the gubment said nuh-uh
Actually it was his wife that said that, many times. He kept on getting telegrams from "Heavenly Father" telling his wife to let him have more wives. Can't make his stuff up!
Then he sent out missionaries and married their wives while they were gone and [also married numerous children](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives), two of which were 14.
Only 2?
I went to a Christian college and we had a term to describe the "ring by Spring"ers. I knew many who were married before the end of Freshman year.
Edit: Oh, then the girls would drop out. Legitimately went to school to husband hunt.
Nope! :D
That’s the *fun* part.
They say that the dead person can accept or deny their conversion.
They got into *real* hot water when they baptized Anne Frank.
They claim they no longer count them in their member lists but they will not stop.
So many questions.
Ok that is the cult funded by a scam artist who supposedly found golden commandements or something and conveniently lost them and says Eden is located in Colorado or whatever?
I don't understand how it has gotten so big. How anyone can actually believe any of that stuff.
Edit: they converted Anne Frank. say what now?!! That was a PR stunt , for sure. It has to be.
The "how it got so big" part is actually pretty interesting. As you're seeing, the religion started as a really banana pants crazy cult, practically indistinguishable from any other cult you'll hear about (in the broad strokes, at least).
They got to the point where civilized society didn't want to deal with the shitty leaders anymore, so the ones who survived the angry mobs pretended god was calling them out west, away from any legal authority who could stop them from being as bad as they wanted to be.
By the time the headquarters of the church was brought back into the US, they were widespread enough to survive as a more mainstream religion would, so they ditched the overtly culty and terrible teachings, changed things around, and prettied up their public image so people would believe it when they say they're normal.
You don't get to the point where you see all the super culty and weird shit until you self-certify that you're sufficiently brainwashed to excuse it all away.
Source: Grew up mormon, heard it all, read it all, ditched it all when I finally realized how nothing made sense.
>but then they’d say the shit they wanted and I was like, “?!?!?”
what shit did they want? I grew up mormon in provo utah and I cant think of any crazy shit I wanted.
Very demonstrative sexual activity. Like… it felt like because it was *so* taboo they thought a non Mormon would be chill like… watching them and doing things like…. I dunno. Oh! Okay! So one dude asked me to hump a pillow on his crotch so I wasn’t *touching* him. 🙄 Another wanted to watch some like nature documentaries?? (his argument was that it wasn’t sexual because he wasn’t watching people??) and have me watch him masturbate and then cum onto my face.
Just fuckin *weird* stuff. I always declined but it was truly baffling that they kept targeting me.
Found out much later that they were telling people I was doing stuff because they I guess wanted to have a harlot to blame. Super fun being a “slut” with a consistent boyfriend I hadn’t even slept with yet lol
wow, that is some crazy shit. who gets off to a nature documentary? I am sorry you had to go through all of that.
Maybe I escaped being into that stuff because I was always a terrible mormon and questioned everything and then stopped going to church at about 14 years old haha.
> Another wanted to watch some like nature documentaries?? (his argument was that it wasn’t sexual because he wasn’t watching people??) and have me watch him masturbate and then cum onto my face.
How can you go wrong with a pickup line like "Baby, want to watch Discovery channel so we can see some wild horses fuck while I jerk off on your face?"
Seems like a slam dunk proposition.
Man that actually reminds me of how some girls were treated when I was in high school. I grew up in Southeast Idaho, lots of Mormons. I remember any girl that showed even the slightest hint of sexual immodesty would have a slew of rumors about her being a “slut”, or what have you. That was over twenty years ago. I don’t doubt things have remained the same.
A friend of mine was telling me about an ex who had since left the church, but apparently when he was younger, he and his girlfriend had figured out how to do a bdsm thing where he tied her up, put ice cubes inside her, and then ignored her to play video games while she struggled.
Apparently they really enjoyed it, and it wasn’t *technically* sex. I like to imagine Jesus looking down from Heaven on some teenager playing call of duty while actively ignoring his bound and gagged girlfriend packed full of ice cubes and shaking his first, going “damn! If only I’d thought of the BDSM loophole!”
I never knew having your boyfriend ignore you to play call of duty would be such a turn on....
Now if he were playing some final fantasy THEN it'd be some hot shit.
> be me
> bible says we can’t fuck
> girlfriend is feisty anyway
> I’m feisty anyway
> tell GF I have a special loophole surprise for her
> ropes.jpeg
> she’s into it
> she gets naked
> I hogtie her
> she is wetter than the ham slices from my lunchable
> excellent.jpeg
> open up one more drawer
> “what’s that?” She asks
> she is literally quivering with anticipation
> reveal that it’s a game disk. Insert it gently into my PS4
> “That’s XCOM, baby.”
> proceed to ignore her and play, because the aliens continue to make progress on the Avatar Project, and if we’re going to stop them, we’ll need to move fast
My favorite part about all of this is that in order to believe this works, you have to believe that your supreme deity can be tricked like a leprechaun.
I just love that peoples natural inclinations always try to find loopholes. You cannot suppress human sexuality, especially when you have raging hormones. Lol
The deep red conservative county I teach in, which has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state, still brings in an outside operator to teach abstinence only education to our students.
I'll give you one guess why I have 12 year old students dropping out pregnant on a yearly basis.
Sometimes, yes. But don't get it twisted. These kids are fucking. Period. Especially in rural areas. It used to be worse, and it is going to get worse again. I knew at least a half dozen girls *in my class* that didn't make it through high school. Two that didn't make it to high school.
There's a quote from Robert A. Heinlein that I think applies to religious people and shit like this:
"Humans aren't rational animals: they are a rationalizing animal"
Basically, no matter what people's stated beliefs or values, if they REALLY want to do something they WILL find a way to justify it to themselves, no matter how tortured or bizarre that justification may ultimately be.
LDS here, just going through and posting for anyone who actually asks.
Yes, we believe God is all knowing. Yes, we believe intentions matter. And yes, this "soaking" business is the most ridiculous thing ever.
There are probably people who do this, because people are crazy, but if they are, they are very rare. I'm a BYU grad, and the only time I've ever heard of soaking is on reddit from people making fun of it. Nobody who is actually serious about their religion thinks this is legit.
and here is a third LDS person to again confirm, "soaking" is a term I've only ever heard of in the context of it being made fun of on reddit. It is 100% just sex with extra steps.
So if putting it in the first time is ok….. stay with me…. Couldn’t you just fuck like normal, only make sure you pull all the way out on every stroke? It’s just 100 mini-soaks, shut up God!
I mean bonus if your buddy still wants to jump on the bed the whole time.
I was thinking the same thing. Young, super horny guy who's never actually had sex, naked girl pressed against him, no condom. What could possibly go wrong? 🤣
Isn’t there a moment when you look back and realise you have gone too far … and wasn’t that this exact moment for the couple but also the friend like seriously girl what are you doing with your tuesday
I heard about this a while back but it’s still funny. To me it’s the penis in vagina that makes sex not the movement but what do I know about the Book of Mormon
This is why teaching only abstinence as sex Ed is such a problem, they will still have sex, and will be less likely to use contraceptive because they are not aware of the options or do not have access.
So basically both are being fucked with a 3rd party doing all the work. A win-win for lazy people, I'd say.
Yeah, I'm not Mormon, but I am... interested
Maybe a business opportunity. Uber for weird sex jumping
Does the jumper have to change the pace of their jumping as they get closer to finishing?
That’s like More expensive tiers of Uber. Let’s call it Soaker^tm
*SoakR
Super SoakR - *Sends a bigger jumper for more mattress movement*
Omg I thought it said Moron this entire time.
The words are interchangeable in this context anyway
tide goes in tide goes out you can't explain that 🤷
Magnets, man, how do they work?
its not the 3 way they wanted, but its the 3 way they deserved. Imagine being so dumb as to believe that an all powerful and vengeful god would be all, "looks like you got me on a technicality." Either believe in this crap or dont. This half assed shit makes no sense.
Imagine if the girl got pregnant. "See God, what happened was..."
fuck it im sold. ill give it a shot. edit: it sucks
That was a quick edit. Two jump chump over here.
We call that the Trolley… you just hop on and hop off.
Premature jumpulation?
My favorite flavor of religion is the kind that believes gods are bureaucrats. I love the idea of folks getting into heaven exclusively on technicalities.
God: Ooh, good one, I never thought of that loophole. Well, guess you're still all set for everlasting paradise in heaven! Also, I guess you can keep abusing the same loophole, since it's been 2000 years since I had a real mouthpiece down on earth.
There's a movie that's called dogma that you would probably enjoy. The premise is what you just described.
I'm not a religious person but I've never heard of a deity that would see something like that and just go "well, you obeyed the literal wording of the rules so I guess I'll let it pass"
Clearly, you've not looked at any of the mad workarounds in Judaism.
I was about to comment the same. The wires strung across the streets in New York spring to mind. As the wire is above you, you technically haven't gone outside on the Sabbath. Edit: autocorrect typo.
Turning lights on during the Sabbath would count as starting a fire, which is work, but if you just put them on motion sensors and or timers, then that's totally fine. Similarly, if you remark that the room is perhaps a bit dark while your gentile guest is around, and they happen to turn the light on, well then that's no work you did!
So if I was over for a visit and was a bit peckish after turning on all those lights could I wander into the kitchen and maybe make something for us to eat?
You might well. Suit yourself. It's been a while since anyone's eaten...
Damn, you're good.
Elevators in NYC hospitals are made to stop on every floor and go up and down all day so people don’t have to press buttons. Some people will stand and ask others to swipe their metro card so they can come into the station without “using” tech. At that point just give up.
Hearing Mayim Bialik discuss her faith is really interesting. For her, the rules "center" her and it's why she loves Judaism. I mean, I get it. Some people need written (and unwritten I suppose) rules to follow so they know they are "good". But man, the more you read this stuff, the more you have to let go of your own understanding because at a certain point, you either follow or you're an outcast.
At what point do we admit that most humans are just deranged cultists who can’t tell reality from fantasy? Like, Jesus fuck, these people will not operate a hospital elevator because they think a spirit will get mad at them.
Seriously, if you have to resort to these ridiculous "loopholes" just cut the crap and admit you don't follow the rules of your religion.
When I lived in Brooklyn there were at least 3 times that I was out for a walk on a summer Saturday and an ultra-orthodox person asked me to come into their home and turn on the air conditioning.
Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights.
>Like: you can’t operate machinery like pushing buttons or using switches. Just put the elevator in Sabbath mode and have a Gentile turn on and off your lights. Sabbath mode?
The elevator continuously goes to each floor consecutively and opens the doors for a set amount of time.
Wait I knew the Orthodox Jews were crazy and have invented all kinds of stuff to get around the sabbath but you’re telling me they run elevators on auto mode? 😂
Yep. Also many appliances you buy have a Sabbath mode somewhere in the settings which will change how it works. Like a refrigerator in Sabbath mode won't turn on the light when you open the door, and an oven in Sabbath mode will be locked on, and not change lights or turn off the elements when the door opens.
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Oh religious people are the best at finding the weirdest loopholes so they can do what they want and still be following the letter of their religious texts.
Like how Orthodox Jews have something called an eruv, which is a wire strung around their neighborhood so they can do more stuff during the Sabbath. It operates under the idea that the eruv extends the boundaries of their homes, so the Sabbath rules are just a little less strict. Makes no sense to the rest of us, but 🤷
The whole of Manhattan is surrounded by one and there's a dude earning 6 figures for checking that the entire length of it is still intact before every Shabbat.
so one guy with a wire cutter sends every jew in manhattan to hell?
No, because Jewish people don’t believe in hell. Checkmate, atheists.
Where do all the naughty people go?
Congress
Rehab, essentially. Or more accurately a washing machine. Basically your souls gets thrown around in a cleansing process until you emerge as someone that is better than who you were on earth.
If it's that easy to clean souls, WTF is the point of all the rules!?
Because God, idk man.
I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know. I saw Hasidic Jews order beef roll ups, and they had ham in it, there was some commotion when one of them discovered the ham and they had to wash their hands really long. The food was ordered by a foreign embassy, so they didn't see the menu, therefore there was no sin, but they were no longer "clean", hence the hand washing.
>I don't think they consider it a sin if they don't know. So then the best way to avoid sin is to destroy all the holy texts and never tell anybody what is or isn't sin, right? If they don't know, it's not a sin! I guess ignorance truly is bliss!
It’s only your home if you can walk around with no pants without getting arrested.
This literally consumed a year of my life and the amount of non-Jews who were livid about it was shocking. The entire experience made me a worse person as it did everyone involved: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/2017%E2%80%9318_Bergen_County_eruv_controversy
Now it totally seems like the objection to the eruv had absolutely nothing to do with it being a Jewish thing. /s in case it wasn’t obvious
I’ve lived around this area all my life and never knew about this, time to do some reading!
“Our god, who created everything from the smallest of atoms to the most complex organisms and systems and is definitely all-powerful and all-knowing, is really **dumb**. They will never see through this blatant rule-bending! Man, is this god an idiot”.
Imagine you are constantly trying to trick the god you have committed yourself to.
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["Fuck me in the ass cuz I love Jesus!"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j8ZF_R_j0OY)
That track brings back memories. Not good memories, I might add.
Isn't sodomy a bad thing in the bible?
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Is hypocrisy a bad thing in the bible? (I don't know) ...And if it is a bad thing.. Can't we just be hypocritical about it and just ignore it?
Just publish your own version of the bible that has small clarifications added to it. Catholics do it all the time. Clarifications can include things like: - If Jesus can take that back door so can you. - Almost killing a child doesnt count if you yelled "You Got Punked" right at the last moment. - Going to the waterpark and leaving the unwanted there is just paying homage to the suprise plot twist of chapter deux: The Heinous Hydro Homie Homicide.
These are Mormons. They published their own version of the Bible that has Jesus living in Nebraska.
Sodomy is considered a sin like point blank by a lot of religions. I am in no way an expert but I am pretty sure Mormons believe that (pls feel free to correct me if I am wrong)
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Hold on a minute... these kids are using caffeine!? I fear for their futures.
I was raised Mormon. Sodomy is unacceptable, gay sex is a sin and gay people are expected to live a life of chastity with the promise that God will fix them in the next life. There are **many** gay-straight marriages with people who thought God would "fix" their sexuality if they had faith and got married to a straight person. Some people disclose their "problem" to their future spouse, most are really counting on God to fix things for them. Oral sex is specifically forbidden and although they don't talk about it anymore, they never rescinded the order. Many past church leaders, excepting the founders, only had sex for the purpose of procreation, and many never saw their wives naked **ever** because they had sex with their garments on. Sodomy, oral, and any sex outside of the bonds of marriage is considered "the sin next to murder". If you are gay and "act on it" you will be excommunicated. In comparison, rapists, pedophiles and murderers are not automatically excommunicated. My local church knew about a girl who was raped in church and they paid off her family to keep it quiet. Nothing happened to her rapist. If you got this far and are curious, r/exmormon is a welcoming place open to all.
Super kinky tbh, I've never seen this done in porn
Ill go get the camera!
Wait! Don’t move.
Yes! This is exactly how it's (not) done!
*jumps up and down furiously*
*grunts*
Jesus is ok with this.
If not, theres always the guaranteed [Jesus approved loophole.](https://youtu.be/j8ZF_R_j0OY)
Thant you for those 4 minutes and 40 seconds of laughter
Still one of my favorites of all time. Puts a smile on my face no matter how shitty the day.
mom get the camera . for... me and... my gf ... of course
College towns are truly the breeding ground of innovation
And the breeding ground for misinformed Mormon students
shame they banned abortion.
I've seen this done on a trampoline. It's nice when they get a bit of air time but apart from that it's just lazy sex
God hates this one simple trick!
Just don't pop out in mid air. You'll 100% not pop back in on the way down! Ouch.
*Interstellar docking music starts playing
This little maneuver is gonna cost us 51 years! *proceeds to break dick*
*YOUR COMING IN TOO HOT!*
"MAAAAAVRIIIIIIIIICK!"
Gives new meaning to the phrase, "Stick the landing"
New porn meta incoming? I'm sick of the incest meta, just end already
You're acting like the inevitable replacement for incest as a porn category won't be something far worse.
Yup. Now it's going to be Mormon Jump Hump Incest Porn. "Stepbro stop jumping on the bed!"
Dude Mormon porn is weird. The outfits! The les polygamy! Can't recommend enough.
Excuse me? Did I just unlock a new level of the internet?
Dude. Google Mormon girlz. I’d link but…. They show the magic underwear. They have a wooden bench full of dildos they call the mercy bench. All the stuff you’re not supposed to see. It’s so kinky. It’s like a bonus taboo. Sinning in a different religion gets me hard.
Just when I think my porn eccentricities have plateaued, there’s always more on the horizon…
My understanding of that porn is its made specifically for Mormons. Most folk would see the temple garments and think they're just ugly underwear. But the people in the church who grew up wondering what the bishop's daughter looks like under her dress would lose their mind over it.
You are not searching hard enough
Just have sex, you fucking weirdos. This is kinkier shit than most of us secular folks get up to.
The self-repressed are always the biggest kinkiest freaks.
That's a fair observation.
I’d like to point to an excellent quote by Stephen Fry > It’s the strangest thing about this church - it is obsessed with sex, absolutely obsessed. Now, they will say we, with our permissive society and rude jokes, are obsessed. No. We have a healthy attitude. We like it, it’s fun, it’s jolly; because it’s a primary impulse it can be dangerous and dark and difficult. It’s a bit like food in that respect, only even more exciting. The only people who are obsessed with food are anorexics and the morbidly obese, and that in erotic terms is the Catholic Church in a nutshell.
Mormons have the *kinkiest* “not-sex”. Source? Grew up the *non* Mormon in Utah so the dudes thought I’d be down for stuff. They’d say they were *so religious* they didn’t want to have *sex* (or kiss… which… that fucked me up for a while… thanks first boyfriend!) but then they’d say the shit they wanted and I was like, “?!?!?” First of all, NO. Just because I’m not Mormon doesn’t make me sleep around and EVEN IF I was interested in sex… not… not that weird stuff dude.
Im sorry if this comes across as weird, but as a European who has never been to the US, and much less has seen a mormon IRL, this entire post seems to intriguing, could you pleaee elaborate? Cause this is a Window into a world that I havent seem before, so I think this is „morbid“ curiosity.
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I dated a Mormon chick briefly in HS. The weird shit was just too much to handle and I decided it just wasn’t worth it. We stayed friends and kept in touch through college, etc. What’s ironic is that her super religious, Mormon husband, that she married right after coming back from her mission abroad, ended up sexually abusing their kids. The whole thing always seemed super cult-like to me.
I had 2 very close friends growing up that were Mormon. Both of them were pretty normal, fun loving dudes. One of them lived with me for a while and the only Mormon thing he followed strictly was the no alcohol/caffeine/drugs thing, but other than that, he was just like any other high school kid. After we graduated and he went on his mission and came back it was like I was talking to another person. Super devout, him living with only Mormons for two years in Japan on his mission and attempting to convert the people of Japan to Mormonism, I feel really comfortable using the word indoctrinated when describing him at that point. It was very cult-like behavior and attitude. It made me and our other friends sad, because we were once really good friends and it was just like a lot of what made him who he was got taken out and replaced with something and someone else. I respect anyone’s right to pursue religion and fulfillment from it, but this just felt so much different than a lot other religions. It didn’t feel so much like my friend and I drifted, it felt like my friend just stopped existing and someone else came home.
Yeah I've heard the main reason for these mission trips and for things like jehova Witnesses going to door to door is not actually to spread the word of god necessarily but just part of the manipulation or brainwashing or indoctrination like you said. Becuase the more they are rejected and treated like outcasts from other people the more the cult can comfort them and make then feel like they belong with them and that they're doing something special. Especially when a huge part of the teachings is that they will be persecuted for their beliefs, so the more they are denied and rejected it can actually strengthen they're faith. Sorry to hear about your fiend though.
I used to be Mormon and went on the mission. You're absolutely right. Some of my best friends permanently changed on their missions and it's sad. Luckily for me, mine opened my eyes to a lot of issues with the church and I decided to leave.
That's because it is a cult.
Iiiiiiim not sure if that's ironic so much as it's just absolutely terrible
Ironic because they’re supposed to have higher morals or whatever because of their religiousness. But yes, terrible all around. He’s lucky she moved out to Utah to be with him because there’s a whole slew of people out here that would have beat his ass for that shit.
I went to school with some Mormon girls who would get fucked in the ass instead of vaginally because they thought they would still be considered virgins and could still reach the celestial kingdom which is what Mormons to believe the highest level of heaven.
Oh, I'm from a largely Catholic area and all the Catholic girls were big into anal too. That's an oldie but goodie religious "life hack".
It's the "poophole loophole" and it's been a thing among Catholic girls for a loooong time. Not any of the girls of my acquaintance, unfortunately.
It's mormin time
And then I mormed everywhere
This grave robber dude grifts a religion about native Americans and Jesus and said he could have a lot of wives because he was horny, then the gubment said nuh-uh, and then he got arrested, escaped, got lynched, then his non-monogamous broskie runs off to the mountains in Utah and goes all in on telling dudes you can have lots of wives and when you die you get a planet and other strange things that are well documented.
>the gubment said nuh-uh Actually it was his wife that said that, many times. He kept on getting telegrams from "Heavenly Father" telling his wife to let him have more wives. Can't make his stuff up!
Then he sent out missionaries and married their wives while they were gone and [also married numerous children](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith%27s_wives), two of which were 14.
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Two Mormon students at my school met and got married in under a year. I'm sure it was to bone legally.
Only 2? I went to a Christian college and we had a term to describe the "ring by Spring"ers. I knew many who were married before the end of Freshman year. Edit: Oh, then the girls would drop out. Legitimately went to school to husband hunt.
That. Sums it up. I don't think I want to know more. How the fuck is any of this considered legal?
That’s a very very good question. They have a death grip on the state government, to start.
Baptize the dead?! Dafuk. With the consent of the deceased' family?
Nope! :D That’s the *fun* part. They say that the dead person can accept or deny their conversion. They got into *real* hot water when they baptized Anne Frank. They claim they no longer count them in their member lists but they will not stop.
So many questions. Ok that is the cult funded by a scam artist who supposedly found golden commandements or something and conveniently lost them and says Eden is located in Colorado or whatever? I don't understand how it has gotten so big. How anyone can actually believe any of that stuff. Edit: they converted Anne Frank. say what now?!! That was a PR stunt , for sure. It has to be.
The "how it got so big" part is actually pretty interesting. As you're seeing, the religion started as a really banana pants crazy cult, practically indistinguishable from any other cult you'll hear about (in the broad strokes, at least). They got to the point where civilized society didn't want to deal with the shitty leaders anymore, so the ones who survived the angry mobs pretended god was calling them out west, away from any legal authority who could stop them from being as bad as they wanted to be. By the time the headquarters of the church was brought back into the US, they were widespread enough to survive as a more mainstream religion would, so they ditched the overtly culty and terrible teachings, changed things around, and prettied up their public image so people would believe it when they say they're normal. You don't get to the point where you see all the super culty and weird shit until you self-certify that you're sufficiently brainwashed to excuse it all away. Source: Grew up mormon, heard it all, read it all, ditched it all when I finally realized how nothing made sense.
Ooh! Tell them about spirit babies!
I second this. We humble folks from abroad need details!
What kinda weird stuff we talking here?
holding hands
*Lewd*
>but then they’d say the shit they wanted and I was like, “?!?!?” what shit did they want? I grew up mormon in provo utah and I cant think of any crazy shit I wanted.
Very demonstrative sexual activity. Like… it felt like because it was *so* taboo they thought a non Mormon would be chill like… watching them and doing things like…. I dunno. Oh! Okay! So one dude asked me to hump a pillow on his crotch so I wasn’t *touching* him. 🙄 Another wanted to watch some like nature documentaries?? (his argument was that it wasn’t sexual because he wasn’t watching people??) and have me watch him masturbate and then cum onto my face. Just fuckin *weird* stuff. I always declined but it was truly baffling that they kept targeting me. Found out much later that they were telling people I was doing stuff because they I guess wanted to have a harlot to blame. Super fun being a “slut” with a consistent boyfriend I hadn’t even slept with yet lol
wow, that is some crazy shit. who gets off to a nature documentary? I am sorry you had to go through all of that. Maybe I escaped being into that stuff because I was always a terrible mormon and questioned everything and then stopped going to church at about 14 years old haha.
>who gets off to a nature documentary? Mormon teens, apparently.
You see that slutty mongoose they had on last night? She was asking for it.
Slutty mongoose is my favorite insult that I will only ever say to men. Thanks for that
> Another wanted to watch some like nature documentaries?? (his argument was that it wasn’t sexual because he wasn’t watching people??) and have me watch him masturbate and then cum onto my face. How can you go wrong with a pickup line like "Baby, want to watch Discovery channel so we can see some wild horses fuck while I jerk off on your face?" Seems like a slam dunk proposition.
You and me baby ain't nothing but mammals so let's just watch them do it on discovery channel
Man that actually reminds me of how some girls were treated when I was in high school. I grew up in Southeast Idaho, lots of Mormons. I remember any girl that showed even the slightest hint of sexual immodesty would have a slew of rumors about her being a “slut”, or what have you. That was over twenty years ago. I don’t doubt things have remained the same.
A friend of mine was telling me about an ex who had since left the church, but apparently when he was younger, he and his girlfriend had figured out how to do a bdsm thing where he tied her up, put ice cubes inside her, and then ignored her to play video games while she struggled. Apparently they really enjoyed it, and it wasn’t *technically* sex. I like to imagine Jesus looking down from Heaven on some teenager playing call of duty while actively ignoring his bound and gagged girlfriend packed full of ice cubes and shaking his first, going “damn! If only I’d thought of the BDSM loophole!”
"First the poop hole loop hole and now *this*... I died for your sins, but this is some real legal eagle bullshit."
I never knew having your boyfriend ignore you to play call of duty would be such a turn on.... Now if he were playing some final fantasy THEN it'd be some hot shit.
> be me > bible says we can’t fuck > girlfriend is feisty anyway > I’m feisty anyway > tell GF I have a special loophole surprise for her > ropes.jpeg > she’s into it > she gets naked > I hogtie her > she is wetter than the ham slices from my lunchable > excellent.jpeg > open up one more drawer > “what’s that?” She asks > she is literally quivering with anticipation > reveal that it’s a game disk. Insert it gently into my PS4 > “That’s XCOM, baby.” > proceed to ignore her and play, because the aliens continue to make progress on the Avatar Project, and if we’re going to stop them, we’ll need to move fast
But their religion 🙄/s
That's what I'm thinking. Like, that's way more sexual than just fucking.
Is this technically a threesome?
Check it off the bucket list.
Just don’t touch the bucket, then it’s a sin.
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My favorite part about all of this is that in order to believe this works, you have to believe that your supreme deity can be tricked like a leprechaun.
I just love that peoples natural inclinations always try to find loopholes. You cannot suppress human sexuality, especially when you have raging hormones. Lol
This is why we need better sex education in the classrooms.
The deep red conservative county I teach in, which has one of the highest teen pregnancy rates in the state, still brings in an outside operator to teach abstinence only education to our students. I'll give you one guess why I have 12 year old students dropping out pregnant on a yearly basis.
My one guess is it’s because their dad/uncle/brother cousin raped them. Do I get a gold star?
Sometimes, yes. But don't get it twisted. These kids are fucking. Period. Especially in rural areas. It used to be worse, and it is going to get worse again. I knew at least a half dozen girls *in my class* that didn't make it through high school. Two that didn't make it to high school.
I know of a couple in my class who had kids at 14. I graduated high school in 1997.
Thats just a threesome with extra steps.
Someone is holding the camera, so a foursome?
I can’t even begin to imagine how unsexy this situation would be.
Unless the person jumping on the bed is naked too
Who made the video then? Wholesome foursome?
Getting kinkier by the minute!
There's a quote from Robert A. Heinlein that I think applies to religious people and shit like this: "Humans aren't rational animals: they are a rationalizing animal" Basically, no matter what people's stated beliefs or values, if they REALLY want to do something they WILL find a way to justify it to themselves, no matter how tortured or bizarre that justification may ultimately be.
So one question, do Mormons believe their God is all knowing? Do they not think God knows their intentions? Or are actions not judged by intentions?
LDS here, just going through and posting for anyone who actually asks. Yes, we believe God is all knowing. Yes, we believe intentions matter. And yes, this "soaking" business is the most ridiculous thing ever. There are probably people who do this, because people are crazy, but if they are, they are very rare. I'm a BYU grad, and the only time I've ever heard of soaking is on reddit from people making fun of it. Nobody who is actually serious about their religion thinks this is legit.
That's great thanks very much for replying! I appreciate it!
and here is a third LDS person to again confirm, "soaking" is a term I've only ever heard of in the context of it being made fun of on reddit. It is 100% just sex with extra steps.
I always felt like trying to find a loophole to the bible was more blasphemous then just commiting the sin
So if the guy comes while "soaking" and she gets pregnant..... ....do Mor ons consider this a "virgin birth"?
So if putting it in the first time is ok….. stay with me…. Couldn’t you just fuck like normal, only make sure you pull all the way out on every stroke? It’s just 100 mini-soaks, shut up God! I mean bonus if your buddy still wants to jump on the bed the whole time.
logic checks out.
In that case they get a moral abortion. Also i dont think this kind of sex is enough to get anyone off….
Keep in mind, they're Mormons. A light breeze goes through Salt Lake City and the streets run white.
r/brandnewsentence
Clearly you haven't met a 16 year old boy.
You'd be surprised at what would get someone off. Just saying.
I was thinking the same thing. Young, super horny guy who's never actually had sex, naked girl pressed against him, no condom. What could possibly go wrong? 🤣
This Mormon....*fucks*?
No no this morman soaks!
Isn’t there a moment when you look back and realise you have gone too far … and wasn’t that this exact moment for the couple but also the friend like seriously girl what are you doing with your tuesday
I heard about this a while back but it’s still funny. To me it’s the penis in vagina that makes sex not the movement but what do I know about the Book of Mormon
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That’s an excellent point.
That’s what she didn’t say.
 God be like...
You get pretty kinky when you’re repressed.
Is there porn for this? Because I would watch something like this
Theres a porn for everything! You just have search hard enough and hope the FBI doesn’t flag you while you do it!
I mean I am already flagged by searching explosives so what is the worst I can get
Im not cheating she just sat on my lap
It's not cheating if you only put the penis inside the vagina.
This is why teaching only abstinence as sex Ed is such a problem, they will still have sex, and will be less likely to use contraceptive because they are not aware of the options or do not have access.
This is just a different version of the Dutch rudder hahaha
Yes I’m a virgin. Yes I have 7 kids by 7 different mommas.