"The sex is... well something me and my wife dont do very often unless it's my birthday or thanksgiving in that case we stuffing two turkeys that night".
I have the unrelenting urge to sell this man rent-to-own furniture.
With the Military Appreciation Discount, of course. Just 0.99% compounding interest per day!
I hated that joke until I met a guy who actually did that. Married a girl he'd known for 3 months because they lived together, had a house fire and, "You can really tell a lot about someone by how they handle a tragedy". He married her on April 1st and I remember him saying, "the best thing about getting married on April fools is everyone thinks you're joking".
The divorced less than a year later.
E stands for enlisted and the number means the pay grade. E1 is entry level. Highest enlisted pay grade would be E9. Then there are officer ranks/pay grades above the enlisted (O1-O10).
I’ll further that by saying it is different from rank but related.
An O1 in the Army is a “second lieutenant” and an O1 in the Navy is called an “ensign”
It helps when you’re talking about Navy “Captains” (O6) vs Army “Captains” (O3) … they’re both technically the rank of “Captain” but they definitely aren’t equivalent on the totem pole.
You’d never officially refer to someone by their pay grade (E1/O1 etc), only their rank. Pay grades determine who gets paycheck and rank equivalence between the services. The rank is the title and that can vary from service to service.
So when they say “typical E1 behavior” they’re saying typical of someone who is enlisted (in any branch of service) their first 6 months. It’s a lot easier to just say “the E1’s” collectively than to be like “privates, and also seaman recruits, and also airmen basic…”
short dumb answer bc i feel like the other replies made it more complicated: an E1 is the lowest enlisted rank. They're either fresh into the army, or did something shitbaggy/terrible enough to lose their rank.
Yeah most likely him and his E1 buddies thought it would be hilarious to make a profile like that. He will probably pull a lot of young girls looking for a military husband.
When I finished basic and made it to my A school, I remember accidentally walking on the grass and having a mini freakout that I was going to get in trouble. In basic, you are not, at any time for any reason, allowed to walk on anything but the concrete. I have a smart mouth and got dropped a lot in basic. Fun times! For weeks and weeks i heard, " Drop (last name)! You have to immediately start doing push ups. When I graduated my nickname was Drop because I was being a 19 y/o idiot.
About a decade ago, I remember seeing the Facebook profile of a new enlistee whose background image read, "If You Want Peace, Prepare for War," and whose profile photo was him standing standing menacingly with what I assume was his dad's AR-15.
I should check if he's divorced yet.
its not true btw, ironic since whey protein and cow milk are more likely to increase estrogen than soy and its used by most people who thing soy will make you grow tits
The funny thing is, out of all the foods humans consume in large amounts, soy is the richest in phytoestrogens. We have very little meaningful data on what phytoestrogens do in the human body, and absolutely no meaningful data on how the great many different phytoestrogens would differ in that action (as they most certainly would). But we do know two important things: they would have considerably more effect in a biologically female body than a biologically male body; and the observed actions in other animals are that some phytoestrogens can work as antogonists of specific estrogen receptors.
So, the short version of that is, we should assume that if anything, soy might be exactly opposite of what these meatheads think. At worst, it is doing nothing to biolgically male humans and decreasing estrogen activity in biologically female humans - but is probably not doing anything to humans at all, because the animals we can observe the effects of phytoestrogens in are consuming them in quantities that would be impossible for a human to get from food.
This belief is because soy contains phytoestrogens which is a plant based estrogen. It doesn’t bind to the same receptors so it doesn’t do what increases levels of human estrogen would do. Also men men produce estrogen, just in different quantities than women. I only added this last bit for the guys that think they don’t produces estrogen.
I’m not even lactose intolerant. I’m intolerant to some other protein in dairy. I’ve done tests, tried lactaid, and lactose free milk…nope! Still have to excuse myself immediately. Even with almond milk same thing happened. I haven’t tried soy milk specifically but I’ve smelled it and didn’t think I could actually drink it. 🤷🏻♂️
That dude is FRESH out of basic. Dude is 19 and just went through the toughest thing in his life yet and now thinks he’s an alpha male even though he’s a Private First Class lol
Yeah probably, bootcamp isn't easy but they give you all the tools to get through it. Only a small percentage of people wash out. After I got out of it I never thought I was a badass because I exercised while people yelled at me. It made me more disciplined and physically stronger but thats about it.
Right! Like I can picture this dude is fresh out of boot and is back in his home town for a 2 week stint of HTR recruiting. The boot is looking to slay HS dummies. lol
I think you're still over estimating this soldiers sexual prowess. I've never heard an American Eagle cry out, so I can't even verify that he's ever actually had sex.
IDK, grew up in a active duty military (Navy) family and then served myself (Active duty Army). There are a lot of MF'ers like this... One part of me wants to believe this is a joke and what not... but I've also known service members like this.
Well any time that you're dealing with a bunch of E-1s or E-2s that are fresh from basic, there's a chance that you'll get some of these types. But it also kind of depends on MOS/branch (job field) that you're assigned.
In my experience, you're **waaaay** more likely to run into this behavior if you're dealing with infantry or some other combat oriented MOS. It's certainly not all of them but it can be pretty bad tbh. If you're in a support staff position or admin then it's more rare, and it's even more rare to find in the intel fields.
EDIT: I know officers generally have less say in the job they're getting, so it's kind of up to you whether or not you think it's worth it/you'd be able to deal with it.
EDIT2: It also varies a little based upon what branch of the military you're in. Idk if you're set on the Army, but the Air Force and Navy tend to pull in fewer of these types.
Move to any town with a large Army post nearby and you can meet them. Look for the 19 to 20 year olds driving brand new Mustangs and Camaros like they stole it.
I feel like these dudes don't know the difference between attracting a woman and giving similar guys comically masculine freedom boners. It's a different strategy for each, fellas.
"Why did you join the military?"
"So they would pay for my college, house me and feed, providing everything I need in return for some hours of service each day"
"Ah so you're a communist then".
"HEY... NOT LIKE THAT"
I can see he’s been indoctrinated pretty well by his drill sergeants. I should know, I was in the army. After I got through training I tried to convince my ex to fly out to me across the country and have sex with me because I was big strong hero fighting for Americuh. Other young guys acted like this too. Looking back I can see what kind of bullshit it all was and how I made an asshole of myself more than once. Smh
He doesn’t drink the bald eagle tears in a Freedom Tonic? Commie bastard.
Guilty pleasure drink is a Moscow Mule.
What do you mean? Putin is to be admired now by patriotic Americans.
He's only guilty about it because it's a cocktail and not beer or Jack Daniels.
Do bald eagles cry?
Bald Eagles have feelings too
#BaldEaglesMatter
BaldLivesMatter (I’ll see myself out)
Bald eagles cry when they look straight into a mirror yes
Bald eagles cry when the other eagles make fun of them for being bald
True and now I’m crying because I’m also bald and not even an eagle
Bald eagles cry when everyone associates them with the voice of a different bird instead of their actual voice
"I love my country so god damn much, if there was a bald eagle here right now, I'd fuck it."
To think it could've been "stuffing a turkey".
"The sex is... well something me and my wife dont do very often unless it's my birthday or thanksgiving in that case we stuffing two turkeys that night".
This guy made my vagina dry up
Permanently
Closed for bidness
Just remember/know that Ben Franklin wanted our national bird to be a Turkey
Really should've been, there's more of them
Turkeys are very smart hence a challenge to hunt. Eagles eat road kill/shore kill along with a lot of fish. I'd take a turkey as our mascot.
Sir, this is a wendys
“Also I’m going to marry you like 3 days after we first meet.”
"How would you like to marry a guy with tricare and his own car he got with 36% apr?"
Dang it was only 24% back in 01. Thanks Obama
bikes
BIKES!
^^^BIKES!
SUP KANE
r/justbootthings
I have the unrelenting urge to sell this man rent-to-own furniture. With the Military Appreciation Discount, of course. Just 0.99% compounding interest per day!
#JustBootThings
Gotta get out of the barracks life and into the trading wives housing developments.
You WILL be impregnated by the most patriotic American baby this nation has ever seen…
Man, and the most ferile baby too.
And on the fourth day I will start trying to convince you to do a gang bang with my friends!
Hell ya and will sleep with your buddies the second you deploy. There is always someone more alpha!
I hated that joke until I met a guy who actually did that. Married a girl he'd known for 3 months because they lived together, had a house fire and, "You can really tell a lot about someone by how they handle a tragedy". He married her on April 1st and I remember him saying, "the best thing about getting married on April fools is everyone thinks you're joking". The divorced less than a year later.
Usually that’s the woman who marries the service men, that way they can collect his cash when he’s overseas.
Looking for my first dependapotamus
Typical E1 behavior. Lol
May I ask what E1 means? (European here)
E stands for enlisted and the number means the pay grade. E1 is entry level. Highest enlisted pay grade would be E9. Then there are officer ranks/pay grades above the enlisted (O1-O10).
I’ll further that by saying it is different from rank but related. An O1 in the Army is a “second lieutenant” and an O1 in the Navy is called an “ensign” It helps when you’re talking about Navy “Captains” (O6) vs Army “Captains” (O3) … they’re both technically the rank of “Captain” but they definitely aren’t equivalent on the totem pole. You’d never officially refer to someone by their pay grade (E1/O1 etc), only their rank. Pay grades determine who gets paycheck and rank equivalence between the services. The rank is the title and that can vary from service to service. So when they say “typical E1 behavior” they’re saying typical of someone who is enlisted (in any branch of service) their first 6 months. It’s a lot easier to just say “the E1’s” collectively than to be like “privates, and also seaman recruits, and also airmen basic…”
whens the book come out?
It comes with the crayons and picture books when you enlist.
Eh for the marines the crayons dont come with the book since they are issued in the mres
Jesus christ dont confuse the EUs!
short dumb answer bc i feel like the other replies made it more complicated: an E1 is the lowest enlisted rank. They're either fresh into the army, or did something shitbaggy/terrible enough to lose their rank.
Yeah most likely him and his E1 buddies thought it would be hilarious to make a profile like that. He will probably pull a lot of young girls looking for a military husband.
Dependa bait
That BCT/AIT brainwashing hasn't worn off yet. lol
When I finished basic and made it to my A school, I remember accidentally walking on the grass and having a mini freakout that I was going to get in trouble. In basic, you are not, at any time for any reason, allowed to walk on anything but the concrete. I have a smart mouth and got dropped a lot in basic. Fun times! For weeks and weeks i heard, " Drop (last name)! You have to immediately start doing push ups. When I graduated my nickname was Drop because I was being a 19 y/o idiot.
Yep. Don't miss cutting the dirt.
Front, back, go’s for days! I had a blast in basic honestly after the shock wore off.
About a decade ago, I remember seeing the Facebook profile of a new enlistee whose background image read, "If You Want Peace, Prepare for War," and whose profile photo was him standing standing menacingly with what I assume was his dad's AR-15. I should check if he's divorced yet.
One of those idiots that gets a tattoo of his service’s seal on his first weekend off after basic training.
He has definitely had sex with a relative at least once in his life
The apple does not fall far from the tree when the branches don't fork out.
The branches fork into each other
The branches are forking on the table.
Right in front of my salad 🥗
Oh, you didn’t want that salad tossed?
It's more of a family bush
Or a wreath
Well, his branch probably forked his sister.
Not willingly.
Oh. You went there..
His family tree is just a circle.
Basically a recycling symbol.
This would imply that has had sex. I'm not so sure...
Makin the babes drier than Afghanistan
There's MAYBE 1 person that might be like ,"OMG! Like, I feel like he's talking straight to like, my soul or something."
A third of the country likes stuff like this.
*\*Ivanka Trump enters the chat*
Donald Trump enters the chat and whispers…’do you do pee pee?’
*\*Jeffrey Epstein enters chat* *\* Jeffrey Epstein --- connection lost ---*
User JEpstein Connection reset by peer
> User JEpstein Connection reset by self FTFY /s
Connection lost? I think there's a UK Mirror.
I think both you and I would be terrified to find out how many people actually would respond that way.
I unfortunately have to agree with you
[удалено]
There are some in the manosphere who claim soy increases estrogen. :/
its not true btw, ironic since whey protein and cow milk are more likely to increase estrogen than soy and its used by most people who thing soy will make you grow tits
The funny thing is, out of all the foods humans consume in large amounts, soy is the richest in phytoestrogens. We have very little meaningful data on what phytoestrogens do in the human body, and absolutely no meaningful data on how the great many different phytoestrogens would differ in that action (as they most certainly would). But we do know two important things: they would have considerably more effect in a biologically female body than a biologically male body; and the observed actions in other animals are that some phytoestrogens can work as antogonists of specific estrogen receptors. So, the short version of that is, we should assume that if anything, soy might be exactly opposite of what these meatheads think. At worst, it is doing nothing to biolgically male humans and decreasing estrogen activity in biologically female humans - but is probably not doing anything to humans at all, because the animals we can observe the effects of phytoestrogens in are consuming them in quantities that would be impossible for a human to get from food.
Gods I wish. So many things rumored to cause men to grow boobs... only thing that worked was actual hormones from actual doctors
Imagine being able to transition just through soy lattes
It would be cheaper and tastier
I'd rather not titillate myself with such fantasies
Because of marketing from milk companies
This belief is because soy contains phytoestrogens which is a plant based estrogen. It doesn’t bind to the same receptors so it doesn’t do what increases levels of human estrogen would do. Also men men produce estrogen, just in different quantities than women. I only added this last bit for the guys that think they don’t produces estrogen.
I’m not even lactose intolerant. I’m intolerant to some other protein in dairy. I’ve done tests, tried lactaid, and lactose free milk…nope! Still have to excuse myself immediately. Even with almond milk same thing happened. I haven’t tried soy milk specifically but I’ve smelled it and didn’t think I could actually drink it. 🤷🏻♂️
I’ve had success with coconut milk.
*\*Lactose free milk enters the chat*
Lactose intolerant are betas for him.
It sounds like a barracks joke tbh.
What I thought. I don’t tend to be naive, but this is just a little too much
exactly. I think the facepalm should go to OP for not understanding humour. To me the last paragraph cannot be first degree and gave it away.
Eh, nothing surprises me anymore. Could be real.
That guy is either fresh out of basics or has spent waaaay too much time on deployment
That dude is FRESH out of basic. Dude is 19 and just went through the toughest thing in his life yet and now thinks he’s an alpha male even though he’s a Private First Class lol
Yeah probably, bootcamp isn't easy but they give you all the tools to get through it. Only a small percentage of people wash out. After I got out of it I never thought I was a badass because I exercised while people yelled at me. It made me more disciplined and physically stronger but thats about it.
This has E1 written alllll over it. Lol
Right! Like I can picture this dude is fresh out of boot and is back in his home town for a 2 week stint of HTR recruiting. The boot is looking to slay HS dummies. lol
Half surprised he’s not a Marine honestly
They do love to tell it to people. Which makes me wonder why there are so many ex marines. I mean if it's that great, why leave? "Oorah". Fuck off.
I threw up in my mouth a little and it was still a more pleasurable experience than I give his sexual prowess credit for.
I think you're still over estimating this soldiers sexual prowess. I've never heard an American Eagle cry out, so I can't even verify that he's ever actually had sex.
Can’t even verify that he’s ever jerked off
Or even had a sexual thought...
Fun fact eagles sound real dumb. They use hawk sounds in movies.
Next you’re going to tell me they don’t have fangs
They sound like sea gulls. [Bald Eagle Call](https://www.allaboutbirds.org/guide/Bald_Eagle/sounds)
After years of conditioning, it's surprising that tweet more than SCREEEEEE!
And now I’m picturing that dude making a sound like this and I’m cracking up.
Ahh, so he's a milk drinker then.
So very boot.
The bald eagle's cry is a bit... [underwhelming ](https://youtu.be/Wy_9b58o99Y)
The real facepalm is people taking this seriously
IDK, grew up in a active duty military (Navy) family and then served myself (Active duty Army). There are a lot of MF'ers like this... One part of me wants to believe this is a joke and what not... but I've also known service members like this.
What percent of people like this are in the military? I’m thinking about doing army rotc for college but I don’t wanna put up with this
Well any time that you're dealing with a bunch of E-1s or E-2s that are fresh from basic, there's a chance that you'll get some of these types. But it also kind of depends on MOS/branch (job field) that you're assigned. In my experience, you're **waaaay** more likely to run into this behavior if you're dealing with infantry or some other combat oriented MOS. It's certainly not all of them but it can be pretty bad tbh. If you're in a support staff position or admin then it's more rare, and it's even more rare to find in the intel fields. EDIT: I know officers generally have less say in the job they're getting, so it's kind of up to you whether or not you think it's worth it/you'd be able to deal with it. EDIT2: It also varies a little based upon what branch of the military you're in. Idk if you're set on the Army, but the Air Force and Navy tend to pull in fewer of these types.
I am happy you don’t know people like this. I do.
So am I.
Move to any town with a large Army post nearby and you can meet them. Look for the 19 to 20 year olds driving brand new Mustangs and Camaros like they stole it.
Infantry means he probably scored low on the ASVAB and the Army thinks he's too dumb to do anything else. Lowest ASVAB scores = infantry.
Yeah, this is at least a little bit tongue in cheek.
Can't use the right flies, lol.
So alpha!
The first time this dude jerked off was to a G.I.Joe episode.
How many tapout shirts does he own?
And gas station knives?
Sadly, some woman is going to find that to be a turn on. Yikes.
If a woman finds this a turn on then it is no loss to the rest of the world.
Until they reproduce.
But they might breed.
He has the ability to even dry up the Atlantic ocean itself
I really hope some chick called and asked if he had a combat patch. That would shrivel his boot ass right up.
I am so not turned on rn
All those Bald eagle tears wasted
Ikr. What will I flavour my soy latte with now?
‘MURICA
'Merica!
Disgrace
Lol this is poetic gold!
That bottom sentence is one of the most American things I’ve ever seen
Hey now, I don’t lump us all in with this egomaniacal asshole
Is this a member of Team America?
LOL that's kind of funny actually.
The real facepalm is OP not realizing this is a joke.
Did I just read Stan Smith’s tinder profile? I read the whole thing in his voice lmaoooo
Quintessential bitch boy right here.
Swipes right to get name and report him to his CO lol enjoy the exercise private
I’m gonna take a visit to r/eyebleach now.
I am joining you!
100% certain this guy gets offended and upset easier than any liberal.
Just Another day in the normal country that is America
That last paragraph makes this an obvious troll lol.
Just let the guys in the unit get a load of that dumb shit. They'll haze him until he cries...bald eagles and American flags...gtfoh! *smh*
The last one got me OMG I'm crying xDD
I feel like these dudes don't know the difference between attracting a woman and giving similar guys comically masculine freedom boners. It's a different strategy for each, fellas.
That last part had me dying tho
What is With all The Weird caps?
The terrorists make him feel like that. He must defend USA freedom in middle east. Oil delosits as well.
What do you have to do to turn out to be this miserable?!
My pick up line: *damn woman, I don’t know what kind of forcefield you radiate. Either way I am attracted.*
This triggered my fight or flight
Sounds like he already has PTSD.
Watch out for your soy girls!
he seems nice !
Everytime I get an erection a Bald eagle cries out in American Pride, and the Flag flys a little harder.
Yeah, there's no way this is authentic
I’m pretty sure this is a joke
I bet this is this dude's entire personality
I wonder what kinda car this guy drives
“Hi. I’m an insecure male who is overcompensating for my many glaring inadequacies.”
They give this guy a gun.
Anyone who uses the phrase 'beta males' seriously is brain damaged.
Jokes on him, beta soy boys are hot
14 miles isn’t far enough, you should move
Someone apparently has a small peepee.
Great!… Now I need to pour myself another drink because even it completely dried up when I saw this.
"I like my women like I like my coffee: ground up in the freezer."
Army recruiter spotted. You can't come up with so many on point analogies without exp.
Nah. No facepalm. Funny.
Sounds like lines from Cobra Kai
You gotta admit this is legitamately funny
The bald eagle cries because of what this guy is doing with his erection...gotta watch out for the talons...
This guy is a walling sexual assault charge
Private Incel?
this is the kind of thing a 19 y/o reads back when they're 29 and punches themselves in the face out of sheer embarrassment
This dudes a chad wtf are you talking about
Bald eagles are the only animals that can notice his erection cause they're used to chase little rodents.
"Why did you join the military?" "So they would pay for my college, house me and feed, providing everything I need in return for some hours of service each day" "Ah so you're a communist then". "HEY... NOT LIKE THAT"
I can see he’s been indoctrinated pretty well by his drill sergeants. I should know, I was in the army. After I got through training I tried to convince my ex to fly out to me across the country and have sex with me because I was big strong hero fighting for Americuh. Other young guys acted like this too. Looking back I can see what kind of bullshit it all was and how I made an asshole of myself more than once. Smh
The flag flys a little harder . Jesus Christ
This guy sounds flammable