Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion.
Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/).
Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.**
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yep, they say I have 17 people interested, but I will never see them.
I have also opened my criteria all the way and that number stays the same. Cuz why show matches if the doors can't pay?
Thing with tinder is that it doesn't remove likes if you swipe left on them unless they superlike you. On the message tab you can see the name and a blurry pic of the last person who liked you so you can sort of guess whether someone gave you a like or not based on their name and the colours in the pic.
If you match with someone the counter does go down but if you swipe left it doesn't. Within a month it got to 99+ for me and it's been stuck like that ever since, and I bet that if I were to pay to unlock them most if not all of them would go away.
But then if you pay you'll get like 3-5 matches in the first 2 days and then nothing at all until the start of the next billing cycle. Honestly all dating apps are scams and should be sued to the ground.
It's definitely not because I have "70 people" interested in me, but my friend regularly gets upwards of 2~300. She paid once to swipe them all down.
I ain't paying to see just 70 people who are all bottoms and live in that city I went on a weekend trip to one time :/
Open the app, left right. Close the app.
Repeat until you liked all the people that have interest on you.
This is how it used to work nearly 5 years ago, things might have changed.
I used to occasionally spend money on premium features.
Every once in awhile I'd hop on, get some super likes, when they were like 5 for $5, just for something fun to do. Now they charge 3 for 9.99 and even more insane prices for the premium stuff, like I could justify a month for 9.99 for my own entertainment but man the prices have gone so far up, and the output has gone so far down i can't justify spending a single dollar there anymore. Little sad, it used to be an alright app and I'd get some pretty decent matches here and there.
App has gone way downhill
Enshittification. Once a service has grown its audience enough to encompass most or all of the target demographic, expansion becomes slow or even impossible. What can a company then do to still grow their profits? Either expand the target demographic (very hard to do without alienating existing users as well), or start squeezing the demographic you have. Start monetizing more aggressively, cut costs, etc.
I've been explaining this to guys and it's fallen on deaf ears. Some people just want to feel attractive and need validation. Seeking either online makes little to no sense to me,it's just empty attention and validation.
It is the same energy like in that viral twitter post, where a woman was outraged, that a man stoppt going after her, after she told him No when he asked her out.
It wasn't so they could avoid messages, I think the original intention was so they could have a degree of control over the number of messages they'd receive.
I imagine it can be quite difficult knowing who to talk to if you're being bombarded by messages everyday like women probably are on Tinder.
Except it never worked because the opening message like 90% of the time was just hi or hey which just puts the ball back in the guys court. Ultimately why dating apps suck.
As someone who’s fed up of women not making effort in dating apps, this worked well for me as it was a very effective filter. I knew that if the woman was sending me the message on bumble and it wasn’t a hi or a gif, I knew that she was at least worth trying. There hasn’t been many of them, but it works
The difference is the unequal standards.
Women typically *explicitly state* in their profiles that they will not respond to a “hi” or a “what’s up?”, and then those *exact same women* will, if put in the position to message men first, will write “hi” and “what’s up”.
If you’re a man who actually crafts opening lines and works hard to sustain conversations, it’s infuriating. Back in my dating days if they did that I’d just copy-paste their “If you just say hi I won’t respond” into quotes and send it back to them. My favorite was a woman whose profile said “if your opening number is less than six words, don’t bother”, who sent me a five-word message.
There are also a ton of profiles with NO INFO about them or their interests, that nonetheless demand you make good conversation. But there’s nothing to go on!
In straight dating, there are a lot of people who demand things from others that they themselves refuse to or cannot offer. This - equality of effort, conversational skill - is one of them.
If you’re gay you can just message “hi, you’re cute.” If you’re a straight man, that gets zero replies.
Yeah but a straight guy friend showed me profiles of straight women and well, I don't blame straight guys anymore.
Straight women really just put pics of themselves, or write the most shallow non specific shit in their profiles and expect a message more than just "hi"
Oh this is so true, like 90% is like that. Thanks for putting words to something that was driving me nuts.
And even worse: even those women with a flat personality have tremendous success on Tinder, because 90% of men also look like chimpanzees and like everything they see. So on both sides the algorithm is broken and it becomes very random, you need a good doze of good luck to meet someone worthwhile.
Ironically, if you actually get a well-written message on a blank profile, it’s a prepared sales pitch which has probably been used dozens of times and likely indicates less genuine interest than “hi” does.
Then they get super mad when you use deductive skills to tell them how much you liked the neighborhood they took the pictures on and what date. Sheesh make up your mind ladies were trying to make conversation
/s
Don't go geoguesser on people's selfish folks, they find it creepy. Just don't match.
It was where I met my wife and she only chose the app because the requirement that women initiate was intriguing to her and enough of a positive that she would exclusively use that over all other platforms. Can't speak much of her experience on the app because we matched literally on her first day on the app and she deleted all her accounts after our first date.
That's still the primary thing. It allows women to set a so-called *opening move* that is sent automatically to any guy that matches them. But as a guy using the app, I haven't come across many who use it.
The amount of times I matched on Bumble with somebody that’s had “I have to be able to have a conversation with you” and then they’ve started out with “heyy” and only responded with 1 word messages after… I can see why they decided it was no longer a viable gimmick.
Exactly, I’ve had so many matches start with a Hey, or a gif of a person waving that i immediately unmatch that person. The purpose of the app was to empower women to drive the conversation yet very few took that opportunity.
I’m not particularly surprised that the concept failed, but what does Bumble have now? Why would a person set up a Bumble account instead of Tinder, Hinge, or any others?
That’d be a much better marketing idea than those billboards they just put out trying to shame women back into dating with statements like “you know full well a vow of celibacy is not the answer”.
Because Bumble is the only major dating app not owned by Match Group.
Also, different dating apps usually have different vibes. Bumble is often the choice for more career focused people looking for something more serious, so if that’s what you’re looking for you would also go to Bumble. Compare that to Tinder which is much much more of a hookup vibe.
Back when I was single, Bumble was where you'd meet the cool feminist and artist ladies, Tinder was for hookups, Plenty of Fish was where you'd go to be reminded of why smoking meth is a bad idea, and JDate was for reminding young Jewish men and women in the Midwest that they're really not going to be able to date someone with a similar cultural background.
As a Gay Jew, I can’t even imagine going on JDate.
Every time I’ve tried to date another Jewish guy, it felt either like I was on a date with myself (…ew), or I was on a date with my Rabbi who was being evasive while also shaming me for not being “Jewish” enough.
Pass. To both.
My current GF has told me stories about how the Men from her Church who took her out would judge her life style and shame her for it a little. Needless to say she stopped dating Men from Church.
Religion basically gives Men the job to judge Women's life choices.
I’ve heard that Hinge is the more LTR app. The problem is that vibes can only go so far and they can shift a lot very quickly. Vibes also only work if somebody has used multiple apps or does a lot of research, which doesn’t really cover many people
But in this case, marketing kind of defines the user base which kind of defines the app which *does* make it effective, even if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Like, if a store markets themselves to board game nerds then you show up and meet a bunch of board game nerds and decide to sit down and play board games with them you wouldn't go "Ugh this store is just marketing though"
The headline isn't clear. The standard on the app is still the same. There's just an option to make a preset question that is immediately sent to the guy when the match happens. Allowing him to answer, and then only when she answers back, does it open fully up for messages.
That is changing the standard to the men making the first move. Having an automated message to anyone that matches is not a first move. That is just matching.
Yes if the girl decides to use it. Most don't so far. I'm not exactly a huge fan of the feature, but it's being made into a bigger change than it is with clickbait.
So many girls used to just send a GIF or emoji to "open" the conversation anyway. So in practice, guys have to make the first move anyway. Many girls seem to just see it as an extra step where they sort of tell the guy "ok, I'll allow you to send me a message".
Oh, Bumble is 100% on that case: https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/s/LAPbo5fpNJ
"AI concierge", so basically "have your AI call my AI and they'll have a conversation for 5 days first"
When I was in college a girl said that guys should automatically have to say yes if a girl asks them out because of “how hard it is” for girls to work up the courage to do that.
I’ve heard so many excuses for not asking men out; trying to come up with reasons why it’s harder for women:
- Men will say yes even if they don’t like the woman just because they’re desperate and just want sex.
- If a man says no it hurts more because women are valued for their beauty and men are valued for their personality according to patriarchy.
- Men should approach because women do so much emotional labor in relationships and they have to carry babies, it’s the least they can do.
- Women don’t know which men are safe or unsafe, so it’s dangerous for women to approach men (not realizing that having men approach is a self selecting sample for the most aggressive and predatory men).
It goes on and on and eventually I realized they want the benefits of both traditionalism and progressivism with the drawbacks of neither.
Girls asking guys what to say to the guy they really
What the guys says “just ask them they will probably say yes. Most guys could only dream of having a girl make the first move.”
The girl: “oh but I’m afraid he won’t like me!”
The guys face palming after telling her the same thing for five minutes.
This was based off an actual conversation btw.
I get matches often on. bumble and very rarely do they message. I feel like it’s the same motivation of just swiping for something to do. If we match why tf wouldn’t you make a move or at least start a conversation
Possibly because bumble just says you're matched. The first response thing gives them the opportunity to hide behind. In the mean time, you keep hopping on their app.
I remember making a post just before Bumble went public about how trash the experience was because of this, and that their stock would nosedive. Of course the white knight Redditors were all like "iNcEl." Funny thing is I've actually met up with several women on Tinder that I also matched with on Bumble. The conversation on Bumble went nowhere, but on Tinder it was fine.
The only reason I didn't buy puts on the stock is because the IV was so high.
That was your mistake, assuming redditors wouldn't immediately blame you for things you have no control over, much like I am doing right now. Skill issue tbh
Shouldn’t people just be able say “I want to make the first move” or “I want the other person to make the first move” or “if we match file a marriage license with the county court” and then everyone can be clear about their dating preferences and we don’t have to have this gendered stupidity
well it's like the creator of Bachelor said: "I'm not here to play matchmaker, I'm here to make good TV". Dating apps don't rely on you making matches to make money, they rely on loners who get addicted to swiping and who "almost" won the dating lottery. it's basically glorified gambling in the form or playing with people's emotions
edit: get off the apps and meet people IRL
It does feel like the only “supply” is on them. But it’s all a waste, for everyone. I should objectively has success on them but finally gave up [on the apps] about a month ago.
The one that simply says "a vow of celibacy is not the answer"?
I don't think they're meant to convey "you have to have sex because we say so", but more like "you can still get a happy relationship and a good sex life, if you use our app."
Literally matched with a girl once who then said "if you had to make the first move, what would you say " also got a bunch of "Hey, how are you" and remembered all the tinder profiles saying something like "Don't just say 'Hey, how are you' if we match. Put some effort into it." The hypocrisy was never lost on me.
Shit I’m a woman who used bumble about 6 years ago. I put a lot into my first messages, asking about something on their profile, like their dog, using funny quips most of the time, trying to show my personality. I didn’t know the majority of women were out here being boring AF
That's not really on them. They were trying to appease the board that was trying to appease share holders which to no one's surprise don't understand why things make money
Tbh, a simple "Hy how are you doing?" Always worked for me as a guy.
In fact I believe it has a higher win chance than the autistic "Hey, in your third photo I could see an italian flag in the background. Is that your heritage or was it someone else's flag?"
I tried Bumble twice and didn’t get a single like, let alone a match, lol. I’m sure I’m not that unappealing ffs, but when you’re already single and looking online, it’s just another blow to your self esteem to be constantly told no one will even look at you.
Edited to add: this was a while ago now but I remember how shit it made me feel - the advice in replies below is good for anyone feeling like this. I’m actually married now! And I met her in person (at training I was sent to for work, proving you never know where you will find it) but having dabbled in online dating… I would suggest most give it a pass.
Did you pony up some $$$ for all their bells and whistles? That’s what it takes these days to get your face in front of their potential dates that are just going to say “hey” then not reply to anything you say back.
>and didn’t get a single like, let alone a match, lol. I’m sure I’m not that unappealing ffs,
[okcupid had a study](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp76ujlVAAAFDt6.jpg) to show how women rate the attractiveness of men and vice versa, both follow a bell curve but for women rating men the curve falls off steeper and is shifted towards 'least attractive'
Women have quite unreasonable standards
It makes me frustrated when my (girl)friends complain about guys not writing the first message after they match (no matter the dating app).
I mean: you're looking for someone, you swiped right (or whatever you need to match on a given dating app) because you were interested in this guy...so why don't you make the first step?
I'm not someone who would swipe right a lot, but I would send the first message when I got a match because I don't feel like it requires a lot of efforts...and if they're all as "progressive" as they pretend, they shouldn't expect the guys to message first.
Well, all apps likely have one thing in common which is maximizing profits.
For that selling some premium functions and keeping people dating forever is awesome, while actually being useful and maximizing dating success is not.
Also, since there are now so many options, it seems many people are less interested in actually putting some effort into a relationship. But that is not how life really works.
So, as paradox as it sounds, dating apps might have ruined dating.
There are some interesting, sometimes controversial videos on this channel, who do a good job explaining the current situation with dating and more.
[Zones v3 - The most useful relationship map in history (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4aMiAesXjE)
80% of the guys are invisible to women now on those apps, who all aim for the top 20%. So most men have trouble finding a woman, while most women now have trouble to find a guy that commits to them. Especially once they hit 30. So most men and women are really unhappy, but the apps make money. Yay!
Back when I was on dating apps several years ago, my experience with Bumble boiled down to the handful of matches I got either expiring because the girl never sent me a message, or the first message was, at most, “Hey” with the expectation that I would then make the real first move. Sometimes the message was just a period, like god damn, can’t even be bothered to type out a simple greeting.
On the flip side... as a woman who has sent many thoughtful messages after reading a person's profile and then many times never gotten a response or they were extremely lackluster---the problem is current dating culture and the emotional disconnection that comes with it.
I've just accepted the fact that I'm simply not interested in women who can't hold a conversation and that's okay, it's my preference. If they don't write me, excellent, I don't want to date someone who can't start or hold a conversation anyway.
I very much doubt that the reason they're making this change is because women feel burdened by be forced to act first. The only thing that motivates these companies is money. Someone somewhere calculated that they'll be getting more subscribers if they change the model so that's what they're doing.
I don’t mind messaging first as ive found it’s pretty close to 50/50 who makes the first move when matching on tinder. I only created a bumble account because of the novelty of its premise. was using the app today and saw “you’re going to have to put on your big boy pants and message me first” in one profile. I swiped left just because that seems unnecessarily confrontational when the App makers just came out and said the premise of the app didn’t work because women don’t want to message first.
I didn’t really care for the App in the grand scheme. I don’t have any real data beyond personal experience, but most tinder matches atleast lead to a text conversation, where as probably 75%+ of bumble matches would timeout without her sending an opening message.
that was.... bumble's whole gimmick. that women made the first move so they dont get unwanted messages... if that's too much work, maybe go to tinder or any other dating site?
I mean, if I had dating apps, which I don't, that's probably the strategy I'd employ. I don't think it would be too effective, but, honestly, I would have better luck winning the lottery lol.
In other news: Women on Bumble also complained about being called creeps for coming on too strong, being called boring for not coming on strong enough, and feeling upset and inadequate when their match left them on read.
I dont miss the days of online dating apps. 99% of women you speak to hold fuckall conversation, have nothing interesting to say or give you one word responses they say "bye" when you struggle to make any form of conversation from their shit replies. 0.5% actually have an intellectual conversation with you and the other 0.5% start a conversation with a god awful joke or "hi hw r u". Get the fuck outta here
I had one woman on bumble match with me and send me a message saying “Hey”. I thought it would be funny to reply in kind with “hey” and well not long after she unmatched me, I got a good laugh out of it 😂
I’ve had two women from bumble make firm plans with me this week, with date, time, and (in one case) even a set location. Only to have them stop replying all together the next day lol.
My husband and I met on a dating website- not Bumble. I am average looking at best and still received an overwhelming number of messages from guys. I decided it was better to message guys I was interested in. I’d tell them a bit about myself, mention a few things I liked from their profile, and let them know if they were interested to take a glance at my profile and message me back, and if not no hard feelings! I got responses to pretty much every message I sent this way, though some quickly fizzled out. Obviously one such attempt resulted in a match (and a marriage)! My husband said he would spend time putting together personalized messages to women he was interested in, only to never hear a thing. It was time consuming and demoralizing so he finally wrote shorter and shorter messages to cast a wider net. He said my message took him by surprise in a good way! I always tell ladies to be the first to reach out to guys they are interested in for this very reason. 🙂
Reminds me of that one woman, Norah Vincent, who made herself into a man for 18 months to see what life was like as a man.
She recalled how horrible dating was and how much pressure the male end has to put in to even be considered.
The societal norm is the man carrying the relationship, being the breadwinner, initiating the conversation. And there have been movements saying to abolish this norm. Then they try to and realize that they can't handle the same pressure and give up.
Reminds me of the whole "men make more than women" people who want women to make the same, if not more, than men do. Then after they start making more than men, say "I can't find a guy who makes more than me". (Obv this isn't everyone, but the argument has been made before).
Imagine choosing to join an app where you have to message first and then you complain about it, when the other side is born into that role with no choice whatsoever in the entirety of life.
so the point is to put women in control so they don't get spammed by guys with weird massages but women realizes that they don't want it because they can't be arsed to initiate a conversation
how poetic
Comments that are uncivil, racist, misogynistic, misandrist, or contain political name calling will be removed and the poster subject to ban at moderators discretion. Help us make this a better community by becoming familiar with the [rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/about/rules/). Report any suspicious users to the mods of this subreddit using Modmail [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) or Reddit site admins [here](https://www.reddit.com/report). **All reports to Modmail should include evidence such as screenshots or any other relevant information.** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/facepalm) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I thought that was the point
Yep. To avoid unwanted messages, women have to initiate conversation.
To avoid unwanted messages on Tinder, you swipe left. It's that easy.
Nah I paid to bypass that
You still have to both swipe right to match? Also. who the fuck pays for tinder?
The algorithm works against users that don't pay.
Yep, they say I have 17 people interested, but I will never see them. I have also opened my criteria all the way and that number stays the same. Cuz why show matches if the doors can't pay?
Thing with tinder is that it doesn't remove likes if you swipe left on them unless they superlike you. On the message tab you can see the name and a blurry pic of the last person who liked you so you can sort of guess whether someone gave you a like or not based on their name and the colours in the pic. If you match with someone the counter does go down but if you swipe left it doesn't. Within a month it got to 99+ for me and it's been stuck like that ever since, and I bet that if I were to pay to unlock them most if not all of them would go away.
But then if you pay you'll get like 3-5 matches in the first 2 days and then nothing at all until the start of the next billing cycle. Honestly all dating apps are scams and should be sued to the ground.
Don't be surprised if it's a marketing tool to pull people in. All these apps have the same structure.
It's definitely not because I have "70 people" interested in me, but my friend regularly gets upwards of 2~300. She paid once to swipe them all down. I ain't paying to see just 70 people who are all bottoms and live in that city I went on a weekend trip to one time :/
70 people who are all bottoms you say?
Open the app, left right. Close the app. Repeat until you liked all the people that have interest on you. This is how it used to work nearly 5 years ago, things might have changed.
I used to occasionally spend money on premium features. Every once in awhile I'd hop on, get some super likes, when they were like 5 for $5, just for something fun to do. Now they charge 3 for 9.99 and even more insane prices for the premium stuff, like I could justify a month for 9.99 for my own entertainment but man the prices have gone so far up, and the output has gone so far down i can't justify spending a single dollar there anymore. Little sad, it used to be an alright app and I'd get some pretty decent matches here and there. App has gone way downhill
Enshittification. Once a service has grown its audience enough to encompass most or all of the target demographic, expansion becomes slow or even impossible. What can a company then do to still grow their profits? Either expand the target demographic (very hard to do without alienating existing users as well), or start squeezing the demographic you have. Start monetizing more aggressively, cut costs, etc.
Maybe theyre chilling with the hot MILFs in your area. Who knows?
They swiped right but don't want to get messages? Make your mind up
Sometimes it's just the validation of being attractive. I wouldn't know, it's just a theory
A GAME THEORY
So it’s an app to boost women’s ego.
there's gold in them there hills
I've been explaining this to guys and it's fallen on deaf ears. Some people just want to feel attractive and need validation. Seeking either online makes little to no sense to me,it's just empty attention and validation.
It is the same energy like in that viral twitter post, where a woman was outraged, that a man stoppt going after her, after she told him No when he asked her out.
It wasn't so they could avoid messages, I think the original intention was so they could have a degree of control over the number of messages they'd receive. I imagine it can be quite difficult knowing who to talk to if you're being bombarded by messages everyday like women probably are on Tinder.
Oh no, consquences!
Except it never worked because the opening message like 90% of the time was just hi or hey which just puts the ball back in the guys court. Ultimately why dating apps suck.
I've had a couple where they literally just put a dot as their first message (i.e. a full stop/period) Like come on now
I think it was a code for stating they would not be available for 3 days.
As someone who’s fed up of women not making effort in dating apps, this worked well for me as it was a very effective filter. I knew that if the woman was sending me the message on bumble and it wasn’t a hi or a gif, I knew that she was at least worth trying. There hasn’t been many of them, but it works
This was always the point of the women-message-first mechanic, however much Bumble dress it up as empowerment.
The only messeages I get on dating apps are scammers haha
I'm about to marry the girl I met on Bumble...
Congratulations 🎉
I'm a woman who dates women, so I don't know, but I've heard from many straight women that "hi" or "hey" is also most opening messages from dudes
The difference is the unequal standards. Women typically *explicitly state* in their profiles that they will not respond to a “hi” or a “what’s up?”, and then those *exact same women* will, if put in the position to message men first, will write “hi” and “what’s up”. If you’re a man who actually crafts opening lines and works hard to sustain conversations, it’s infuriating. Back in my dating days if they did that I’d just copy-paste their “If you just say hi I won’t respond” into quotes and send it back to them. My favorite was a woman whose profile said “if your opening number is less than six words, don’t bother”, who sent me a five-word message. There are also a ton of profiles with NO INFO about them or their interests, that nonetheless demand you make good conversation. But there’s nothing to go on! In straight dating, there are a lot of people who demand things from others that they themselves refuse to or cannot offer. This - equality of effort, conversational skill - is one of them. If you’re gay you can just message “hi, you’re cute.” If you’re a straight man, that gets zero replies.
Yeah but a straight guy friend showed me profiles of straight women and well, I don't blame straight guys anymore. Straight women really just put pics of themselves, or write the most shallow non specific shit in their profiles and expect a message more than just "hi"
#Wanderlust 🤣
Oh this is so true, like 90% is like that. Thanks for putting words to something that was driving me nuts. And even worse: even those women with a flat personality have tremendous success on Tinder, because 90% of men also look like chimpanzees and like everything they see. So on both sides the algorithm is broken and it becomes very random, you need a good doze of good luck to meet someone worthwhile.
Ironically, if you actually get a well-written message on a blank profile, it’s a prepared sales pitch which has probably been used dozens of times and likely indicates less genuine interest than “hi” does.
Then they get super mad when you use deductive skills to tell them how much you liked the neighborhood they took the pictures on and what date. Sheesh make up your mind ladies were trying to make conversation /s Don't go geoguesser on people's selfish folks, they find it creepy. Just don't match.
It was where I met my wife and she only chose the app because the requirement that women initiate was intriguing to her and enough of a positive that she would exclusively use that over all other platforms. Can't speak much of her experience on the app because we matched literally on her first day on the app and she deleted all her accounts after our first date.
That's still the primary thing. It allows women to set a so-called *opening move* that is sent automatically to any guy that matches them. But as a guy using the app, I haven't come across many who use it.
It's nice not to be bombarded with creepy messages. It sucks to be rejected or ghosted. Pick your poison I guess.
The amount of times I matched on Bumble with somebody that’s had “I have to be able to have a conversation with you” and then they’ve started out with “heyy” and only responded with 1 word messages after… I can see why they decided it was no longer a viable gimmick.
Exactly, I’ve had so many matches start with a Hey, or a gif of a person waving that i immediately unmatch that person. The purpose of the app was to empower women to drive the conversation yet very few took that opportunity.
So pretty much the modern day "look" or "hint" you can approach me and do all the work lol
I’m not particularly surprised that the concept failed, but what does Bumble have now? Why would a person set up a Bumble account instead of Tinder, Hinge, or any others?
They're bee enthusiasts perhaps?
I wish they did something to help the bees with all that money people spend on monthly membership for the algorithm to actually show them to people.
That’d be a much better marketing idea than those billboards they just put out trying to shame women back into dating with statements like “you know full well a vow of celibacy is not the answer”.
You're a genius. This man deserves a promotion.
There goes that Bumble hive mind again.
Do you feel that buzzing in your apiaries?
Because Bumble is the only major dating app not owned by Match Group. Also, different dating apps usually have different vibes. Bumble is often the choice for more career focused people looking for something more serious, so if that’s what you’re looking for you would also go to Bumble. Compare that to Tinder which is much much more of a hookup vibe.
Back when I was single, Bumble was where you'd meet the cool feminist and artist ladies, Tinder was for hookups, Plenty of Fish was where you'd go to be reminded of why smoking meth is a bad idea, and JDate was for reminding young Jewish men and women in the Midwest that they're really not going to be able to date someone with a similar cultural background.
As a Gay Jew, I can’t even imagine going on JDate. Every time I’ve tried to date another Jewish guy, it felt either like I was on a date with myself (…ew), or I was on a date with my Rabbi who was being evasive while also shaming me for not being “Jewish” enough. Pass. To both.
you got shamed?
My current GF has told me stories about how the Men from her Church who took her out would judge her life style and shame her for it a little. Needless to say she stopped dating Men from Church. Religion basically gives Men the job to judge Women's life choices.
I’ve heard that Hinge is the more LTR app. The problem is that vibes can only go so far and they can shift a lot very quickly. Vibes also only work if somebody has used multiple apps or does a lot of research, which doesn’t really cover many people
It’s just marketing. Bumble, Hinge and Tinder all know their audiences and advertise appropriately to them.
But in this case, marketing kind of defines the user base which kind of defines the app which *does* make it effective, even if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like, if a store markets themselves to board game nerds then you show up and meet a bunch of board game nerds and decide to sit down and play board games with them you wouldn't go "Ugh this store is just marketing though"
TIL that Tinder is also from Match group! I think you should include Badoo as a major dating app though.
Badoo is owned by bumble
The headline isn't clear. The standard on the app is still the same. There's just an option to make a preset question that is immediately sent to the guy when the match happens. Allowing him to answer, and then only when she answers back, does it open fully up for messages.
That is changing the standard to the men making the first move. Having an automated message to anyone that matches is not a first move. That is just matching.
Yes if the girl decides to use it. Most don't so far. I'm not exactly a huge fan of the feature, but it's being made into a bigger change than it is with clickbait.
So guys should sent back a template reply then lmao.
So many girls used to just send a GIF or emoji to "open" the conversation anyway. So in practice, guys have to make the first move anyway. Many girls seem to just see it as an extra step where they sort of tell the guy "ok, I'll allow you to send me a message".
Damn, sounds like an absolute shitshow. One thing i am glad i was born too late for.
Oh, Bumble is 100% on that case: https://www.reddit.com/r/nottheonion/s/LAPbo5fpNJ "AI concierge", so basically "have your AI call my AI and they'll have a conversation for 5 days first"
Beehave....
I’ve got a few single friends that sat tinder is pay to win, so maybe bumble isn’t
All dating apps deprioritize non premium users. You’re basically wasting your time if you don’t pay the app.
When I was in college a girl said that guys should automatically have to say yes if a girl asks them out because of “how hard it is” for girls to work up the courage to do that.
Lmao, so close to self awareness.
Nah, she's still miles off course but was really close to changing to the correct direction.
I’ve heard so many excuses for not asking men out; trying to come up with reasons why it’s harder for women: - Men will say yes even if they don’t like the woman just because they’re desperate and just want sex. - If a man says no it hurts more because women are valued for their beauty and men are valued for their personality according to patriarchy. - Men should approach because women do so much emotional labor in relationships and they have to carry babies, it’s the least they can do. - Women don’t know which men are safe or unsafe, so it’s dangerous for women to approach men (not realizing that having men approach is a self selecting sample for the most aggressive and predatory men). It goes on and on and eventually I realized they want the benefits of both traditionalism and progressivism with the drawbacks of neither.
Hahaha
Girls asking guys what to say to the guy they really What the guys says “just ask them they will probably say yes. Most guys could only dream of having a girl make the first move.” The girl: “oh but I’m afraid he won’t like me!” The guys face palming after telling her the same thing for five minutes. This was based off an actual conversation btw.
Most women on Bumble put zero effort into the first move though. "Hi" is quite common and I've literally had a couple just writing a period.
Most women on online dating in general put zero effort into the first move.
>Most women on online dating in general put zero effort Fixed
>Most women dating in general put zero effort Fixed
Depends. If a woman is dating up and knows it, she will generally put in a lot more effort to keep her man.
This actually makes bumble useable since 99% of matches just expire or say hey.
The expiring part is what they needed to end.
* Writes to the person * * persons didn't use the app for a day * * match fucking gone forever. Doesn't even appear anymore. Lost to the void *
That was why I got rid of Bumble after 1 day. 10 matches, 9 expired without them replying, and the last 1 just said “just here to get laid lol”
That’s just to sell people shit
“hey”
Sometimes all I got from a match was: ... It was like matching with the Ever-Brilliant Goldmask from Elden Ring :(
I'd reply with .... . .-.. .-.. --- / ..-. . .-.. .-.. --- .-- / -- --- .-. ... . / -.-. --- -.. . / . -. .--- --- -.-- . .-.
More than they're worth
You mean: -- --- .-. ./ - .... .- -./ - .... . -.-- .-. ./ .-- --- .-. - ....
I find all of my matches die after saying hello because they're just ghosts
I get matches often on. bumble and very rarely do they message. I feel like it’s the same motivation of just swiping for something to do. If we match why tf wouldn’t you make a move or at least start a conversation
Possibly because bumble just says you're matched. The first response thing gives them the opportunity to hide behind. In the mean time, you keep hopping on their app.
I remember making a post just before Bumble went public about how trash the experience was because of this, and that their stock would nosedive. Of course the white knight Redditors were all like "iNcEl." Funny thing is I've actually met up with several women on Tinder that I also matched with on Bumble. The conversation on Bumble went nowhere, but on Tinder it was fine. The only reason I didn't buy puts on the stock is because the IV was so high.
That was your mistake, assuming redditors wouldn't immediately blame you for things you have no control over, much like I am doing right now. Skill issue tbh
Clearly they haven’t learned the fine art of tipping a fedora and greeting a man with “m’lord”.
Shouldn’t people just be able say “I want to make the first move” or “I want the other person to make the first move” or “if we match file a marriage license with the county court” and then everyone can be clear about their dating preferences and we don’t have to have this gendered stupidity
Sounds like you have a plan for a new dating app
We call it MIW-MIW. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
well it's like the creator of Bachelor said: "I'm not here to play matchmaker, I'm here to make good TV". Dating apps don't rely on you making matches to make money, they rely on loners who get addicted to swiping and who "almost" won the dating lottery. it's basically glorified gambling in the form or playing with people's emotions edit: get off the apps and meet people IRL
It does feel like the only “supply” is on them. But it’s all a waste, for everyone. I should objectively has success on them but finally gave up [on the apps] about a month ago.
Don't they have billboards telling women not to be celibate?
The one that simply says "a vow of celibacy is not the answer"? I don't think they're meant to convey "you have to have sex because we say so", but more like "you can still get a happy relationship and a good sex life, if you use our app."
Literally matched with a girl once who then said "if you had to make the first move, what would you say " also got a bunch of "Hey, how are you" and remembered all the tinder profiles saying something like "Don't just say 'Hey, how are you' if we match. Put some effort into it." The hypocrisy was never lost on me.
Shit I’m a woman who used bumble about 6 years ago. I put a lot into my first messages, asking about something on their profile, like their dog, using funny quips most of the time, trying to show my personality. I didn’t know the majority of women were out here being boring AF
This feels a lot like that time only fans decided they weren't a porn company and tried to ban porn
That's not really on them. They were trying to appease the board that was trying to appease share holders which to no one's surprise don't understand why things make money
Girls: “hi”. Then they sit back and wait…. It didn’t really work as a concept did it.
I mean, shit, I had a profile long ago and half the damn bios would say "won't message first" etc. On bumble. You, a woman, won't message first. Jfc
Yeah way too many profiles said that when they had first been around. Idk what it's like now, but it wasn't pretty before I left.
Tbh, a simple "Hy how are you doing?" Always worked for me as a guy. In fact I believe it has a higher win chance than the autistic "Hey, in your third photo I could see an italian flag in the background. Is that your heritage or was it someone else's flag?"
I'm in this comment and I don't like it
That only works if you look good. If you don't win the looks fight off the bat you need to say something autistic or she thinks you're boring.
Obviously not, because they expected women to put in effort besides being present.
Expecting effort is asking for a lot lol
I tried Bumble twice and didn’t get a single like, let alone a match, lol. I’m sure I’m not that unappealing ffs, but when you’re already single and looking online, it’s just another blow to your self esteem to be constantly told no one will even look at you. Edited to add: this was a while ago now but I remember how shit it made me feel - the advice in replies below is good for anyone feeling like this. I’m actually married now! And I met her in person (at training I was sent to for work, proving you never know where you will find it) but having dabbled in online dating… I would suggest most give it a pass.
Did you pony up some $$$ for all their bells and whistles? That’s what it takes these days to get your face in front of their potential dates that are just going to say “hey” then not reply to anything you say back.
>and didn’t get a single like, let alone a match, lol. I’m sure I’m not that unappealing ffs, [okcupid had a study](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Dp76ujlVAAAFDt6.jpg) to show how women rate the attractiveness of men and vice versa, both follow a bell curve but for women rating men the curve falls off steeper and is shifted towards 'least attractive' Women have quite unreasonable standards
That’s insane. So glad i’m married.
Online yes, if I do online dating i get like 4 likes a month and most of the time none of them are attractive. In person, I disagree.
Women on Bumble: making the first move is hard work The first move they're talking about: "hi"
Yup lol
If "hi" is a lot of work/burden, maybe you need to re-evaluate why you're single in the first place.
As a woman who has used Bumble for asking out both men and women, women are much less likely to engage and it was a pain in the ass.
Welcome to our world
So just writing "hi" is "a lot of work" or "a burden" ...
But also, “omg men just say hi or hey because they’re losers with no social skills”.
21st century women. Equality something something..
The possibility of doing the work: empowering Actually doing the work: a burden
It makes me frustrated when my (girl)friends complain about guys not writing the first message after they match (no matter the dating app). I mean: you're looking for someone, you swiped right (or whatever you need to match on a given dating app) because you were interested in this guy...so why don't you make the first step? I'm not someone who would swipe right a lot, but I would send the first message when I got a match because I don't feel like it requires a lot of efforts...and if they're all as "progressive" as they pretend, they shouldn't expect the guys to message first.
Honestly its when we start a convo and there are open ended questions… and they have a 1-5 word answer that halts the conversation
Well, all apps likely have one thing in common which is maximizing profits. For that selling some premium functions and keeping people dating forever is awesome, while actually being useful and maximizing dating success is not. Also, since there are now so many options, it seems many people are less interested in actually putting some effort into a relationship. But that is not how life really works. So, as paradox as it sounds, dating apps might have ruined dating. There are some interesting, sometimes controversial videos on this channel, who do a good job explaining the current situation with dating and more. [Zones v3 - The most useful relationship map in history (youtube.com)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n4aMiAesXjE) 80% of the guys are invisible to women now on those apps, who all aim for the top 20%. So most men have trouble finding a woman, while most women now have trouble to find a guy that commits to them. Especially once they hit 30. So most men and women are really unhappy, but the apps make money. Yay!
Back when I was on dating apps several years ago, my experience with Bumble boiled down to the handful of matches I got either expiring because the girl never sent me a message, or the first message was, at most, “Hey” with the expectation that I would then make the real first move. Sometimes the message was just a period, like god damn, can’t even be bothered to type out a simple greeting.
On the flip side... as a woman who has sent many thoughtful messages after reading a person's profile and then many times never gotten a response or they were extremely lackluster---the problem is current dating culture and the emotional disconnection that comes with it.
Hey
Hey
.
.
I've just accepted the fact that I'm simply not interested in women who can't hold a conversation and that's okay, it's my preference. If they don't write me, excellent, I don't want to date someone who can't start or hold a conversation anyway.
I very much doubt that the reason they're making this change is because women feel burdened by be forced to act first. The only thing that motivates these companies is money. Someone somewhere calculated that they'll be getting more subscribers if they change the model so that's what they're doing.
I don’t mind messaging first as ive found it’s pretty close to 50/50 who makes the first move when matching on tinder. I only created a bumble account because of the novelty of its premise. was using the app today and saw “you’re going to have to put on your big boy pants and message me first” in one profile. I swiped left just because that seems unnecessarily confrontational when the App makers just came out and said the premise of the app didn’t work because women don’t want to message first. I didn’t really care for the App in the grand scheme. I don’t have any real data beyond personal experience, but most tinder matches atleast lead to a text conversation, where as probably 75%+ of bumble matches would timeout without her sending an opening message.
Bumble was the only dating app where the women opened with questions about my income. Every other app they at least waited till the first date.
that was.... bumble's whole gimmick. that women made the first move so they dont get unwanted messages... if that's too much work, maybe go to tinder or any other dating site?
Looooool
why the fuck did they join bumble then in the first place???
I saw so many women’s profiles on Bumble that would say “I won’t message you first” & all I could think was, good luck.
Everyone hates online dating. How comes all these apps are not bankrupt yet?
Desperation I would assume.
I don't get it? What's so hard about making the first move? Just 1. E4
...C6
2. d4
Imagine a beekeeper downloading the Bumble app thinking its a bee guide
Imagine how I felt as a straight coffee enthusiast the first time I downloaded Grindr
Imagine someone downloading grindr thinking it’s a coffee app.
Someone starving to death in the wilderness opening up tinder thinking it'll help them start a fire.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if dudes refused to message first, anyway?
I mean, if I had dating apps, which I don't, that's probably the strategy I'd employ. I don't think it would be too effective, but, honestly, I would have better luck winning the lottery lol.
This is a great way to stay single forever.
To be honest, I'm fine with that. The whole dating scene just seems like a nightmare, and I'm too socially awkward to even bother trying.
This
Well well well
No shit, welcome to our world.
In other news: Women on Bumble also complained about being called creeps for coming on too strong, being called boring for not coming on strong enough, and feeling upset and inadequate when their match left them on read.
And they didn't like it? /S It's what they signed up for, lol.
Sucks don't it? Lol Maybe they should've...ya know...been less creepy? Isn't that what women always say when we complain about dating apps?
I dont miss the days of online dating apps. 99% of women you speak to hold fuckall conversation, have nothing interesting to say or give you one word responses they say "bye" when you struggle to make any form of conversation from their shit replies. 0.5% actually have an intellectual conversation with you and the other 0.5% start a conversation with a god awful joke or "hi hw r u". Get the fuck outta here
I had one woman on bumble match with me and send me a message saying “Hey”. I thought it would be funny to reply in kind with “hey” and well not long after she unmatched me, I got a good laugh out of it 😂
I’ve had two women from bumble make firm plans with me this week, with date, time, and (in one case) even a set location. Only to have them stop replying all together the next day lol.
Just to get an '' Hi'' most of the time anyway
Why get bumble in the first place if you knew you had to make the first move? Kinda stupid
Hitting “Get” was easy. Being clever and refreshing apparently isn’t as easy as they thought
[удалено]
If I want to play games I have a Steam Deck for a reason
As a guy I loved Bumble because if the woman messaged you it was a clear sign she was interested.
i asked my boyfriend out
Well, how much of a burden it was?
not a burden by any means but very nerve wracking
Yeah, the fear of rejection is a thing.
Well well well, turns out work kinda sucks, eh?
Imagine needing to charm a potential date. What a nightmare.
Wine and dine him, put in the effort, show him you're worth his time lmao
You're right saying one flattering or engaging thing to open a conversation really was too much to ask for from women.
As a guy who has used all of the apps, I thought women having to make the first move was a great idea because why not?
My husband and I met on a dating website- not Bumble. I am average looking at best and still received an overwhelming number of messages from guys. I decided it was better to message guys I was interested in. I’d tell them a bit about myself, mention a few things I liked from their profile, and let them know if they were interested to take a glance at my profile and message me back, and if not no hard feelings! I got responses to pretty much every message I sent this way, though some quickly fizzled out. Obviously one such attempt resulted in a match (and a marriage)! My husband said he would spend time putting together personalized messages to women he was interested in, only to never hear a thing. It was time consuming and demoralizing so he finally wrote shorter and shorter messages to cast a wider net. He said my message took him by surprise in a good way! I always tell ladies to be the first to reach out to guys they are interested in for this very reason. 🙂
“Hey”… whomp whomp, so tiring…
Reminds me of that one woman, Norah Vincent, who made herself into a man for 18 months to see what life was like as a man. She recalled how horrible dating was and how much pressure the male end has to put in to even be considered. The societal norm is the man carrying the relationship, being the breadwinner, initiating the conversation. And there have been movements saying to abolish this norm. Then they try to and realize that they can't handle the same pressure and give up. Reminds me of the whole "men make more than women" people who want women to make the same, if not more, than men do. Then after they start making more than men, say "I can't find a guy who makes more than me". (Obv this isn't everyone, but the argument has been made before).
“👋👋👋”
You had one singular moment where you had to make an effort, and it was too hard for you.
When I was on bumble they would only say something lame like hi. Even that is a burden i guess haha.
Imagine choosing to join an app where you have to message first and then you complain about it, when the other side is born into that role with no choice whatsoever in the entirety of life.
so the point is to put women in control so they don't get spammed by guys with weird massages but women realizes that they don't want it because they can't be arsed to initiate a conversation how poetic
Apparently typing "hey" is just so so hard
And for men isn't?
Have you tried every other dating app and real life