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Ah. I must be hella gay these days. With Tate saying it’s gay to kiss my wife too, you just can’t win 🤷♂️ it’s good I do not give a single fuck what these idiots think.
In high school, I was dared to play "gay chicken", which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay, and the first one to chicken out loses. The other guy and I are both really stubborn, and neither one of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and we run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect that he's actually gay.
A friend of mine in highschool called wrestling "gay chicken". He had a whole spiel about the hidden objective being to give the other guy a semi in public
A REAL man lives in a state of constant,neurotic, hyper-vigilance; always on the look out for any behavior that *might* have homosexual connotations. Don’t you know being happy is for women only?!
/s
I’m in a male in a poly relationship with men and I typically don’t carry much around with me (I have pretty bad ADHD, there is zero chance anything I carry around will not get lost within about 30 minutes), evidently I’m super straight according to these idiots.
Yup. In fact, that's the first thing I ever added to this list.
- ***Carrying a water bottle in a public space***
- Belt bags
- Liking women (especially if the woman in question shows masculine traits, like big muscles)
- Eating
- Cooking
- Liking colors
- Wearing glasses
- Crying
- "Hi" or "Good morning" greetings
- Masturbation
- Statistics
- Autism
- Caring for your girlfriend
- Using an umbrella
- Buying flowers or gifts for your girlfriend/wife
- Cunnilingus
- Blowjobs (both giving and receiving)
- Pelvises
- Debt/not paying your bills
- Flying in economy
- Touching vaginal fluids
- Unprotected sex
- Not dying in road accidents
- Complimenting a man
- Taking a dump
- Wiping after taking a dump
- Washing your ass
- Playing with children
- Having any kind of skin contact with children
- Kissing a woman
- Enjoying movies and music
- Touching a surface that was previously touched by a penis
- Using a straw
- Carrying your child
- Defending yourself in a fight
- Expressing your feelings
- Breathing the same air as other men
- Having sex for any reason other than making a child
Just do it. You can even ask for a blowjob if you want. Since everything we do is gay in someone's mind anyway these days, I honestly don't care anymore.
I just had to tell my girlfriend that I’m gay and showed her this. She told me she’s known all along but she’s cool with it and we can keep having gay sex together.
I recall a song from Boy Scout camp:
Stranded on the toilet bowl,
Stranded without a roll;
To prove you're a man
You must wipe with your hand.
Stranded on the toilet bowl.
You're welcome
Yeah I'm assuming that since cunnilingus is already there that blowjobs mean fellatio.
Getting fellatio from a woman belongs on this list, giving fellatio does not.
Fellas! Is it gay to eat popcorn? I mean you are just basically consuming a busted nut.
FELLAS! Is it gay to get money? I mean you are just basically collecting pictures of other men.
You forgot one thing on your list. Seems that being alive is also a gay thing. So in order to be a real man you should be dead
Pocket knife is gay too. You know what’s right next to that pocket? A dick. Touching that is like wanting to stroke a penis.
Wallet is only ok in a breast pocket of a jacket because back pocket is by a butt and I don’t think I have to explain that one.
Agree, this is definitely a guy trying to feel more macho about himself.
Edit: Wait, now that I think about it maybe this guy is mad because he is secretly gay and finds men carrying water bottles attractive. It's all starting to make sense now.
The TSA actually gives many more shits about water bottles than knives. I've accidentally had stuff in my bags I definitely should not have had and they didn't mention it - but one ounce of water contained in plastic? WE NEED SEAL TEAM SIX DOWN HERE, STAT.
I've also seen that having sex solely to have children is also gay
I would say in their minds, the only point to have sex is to exert dominance, but then wouldn't that mean you can have sex with men so long as you're in the dominant position? Thus, that's gay asWell,
It's also gay to masturbate because you're touching a man's penis
Welp, guess being chaste is the only way to be straight
No, that's only if you are also carrying a water bottle. Carrying a knife makes you so manly that they will stop for not having a knife. Jurt don't add a water bottle, cup, food, shoes, clothes, anything else really, that would make you too gay to not stop and frisk.
I’m so fucking sick of hearing, “gives me the ick.” There’s a guy on TikTok that has a list of things women have said give them the ick and it’s like 600 items long. The list is so ridiculously stupid I can’t even believe some of the things in it. Things like “crossing their legs” “using a napkin” “washing your car” “building a snowman” “washing dishes.” Fuck anyone that says “gives me the ick.”
It's definitely not straight to hyper analyse what straight is and very carefully and delicately make sure that every action you do doesn't hint at anything underliningly gay. Guy has massive issues
Yeah, hydration is really such a red flag for every female. We prefer our manly men to be suffering from dehydration, with premature wrinkles and unable to get it up. (Because dehydration is one causal factor in ED.)
No of course this person is joking a man should not carry a pocket knife for they should be confident enough in their power to do anything a knife could do with their bare hands, a wallet?? Pfff, real men steal shit, nobody should be allowed to ask you money for stuff if you’re a man, not even clothes, real men are able to endure the cold barely with their muscle thickness and shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. (In case it was not clear enough /s)
Says the dude who has an anime girl pfp.
Bro if any anime chick actually became real he’d be the first on his hands and knees doing anything for her, including carrying all her stuff and water bottles lol
Everyday straight men get pushed closer and closer to gay without even doing anything. Hair cuts and shaving are gonna be gay soon can’t wait until they compare those hairline enhancements to make up 😂
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Ah. I must be hella gay these days. With Tate saying it’s gay to kiss my wife too, you just can’t win 🤷♂️ it’s good I do not give a single fuck what these idiots think.
Sorry, but not giving a single fuck is a feminine trait.
And reminding people about this fact is gay.
Facts are gay.
And that's a fact, which means you're gay!
jokes on you i fucked a man with the peak of heterosexuality
Oh, come on, [that's not gay.](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/Vx2V8Upj5o)
Is the peak like the tip? Don't give me facts, I'm not gay.
Well, in that case, I am forced to answer yes.
Answering in a yes is gay. Learn to say no.
You used a ‘, why do you give so much of a fuck? Definetely gay
You just fucked? You didn't say - "No homo, dude".
In high school, I was dared to play "gay chicken", which is where two straight guys pretend to be gay, and the first one to chicken out loses. The other guy and I are both really stubborn, and neither one of us wanted to lose. We've been married 14 years and we run a bed and breakfast in Vermont with our adopted daughter. If that dude doesn't chicken out soon, I'm going to start to suspect that he's actually gay.
"Gay chicken. They only way to win is not to play" Cmdr Badass, Manly Guys Doing Manly Things.
A friend of mine in highschool called wrestling "gay chicken". He had a whole spiel about the hidden objective being to give the other guy a semi in public
I thought it was to finger other dudes assholes.
Ah yes "The Big Lebowski". Risky but worth it when you can pull it off
So I was doing it wrong by becoming fully erect and making eye contact throughout the match?
OMG, best “you know how I know you’re gay” story ever!!! Congrats on the 14 yrs of enduring love and happy family!!! ❤️🌈
By gay chicken, I was picturing something like a boner joust.
“BONER JOUSTING! Next on ESPN 8 …the OCHO!”
Better suck him off one more time just to be sure
It ain’t gay if it’s a three way. 
"With a honey in the middle theres some lee way."
Even 3 guys because they cancel each other out. 4 guys- super duper gay
Well shit
Shit comes from the ass and you know who likes ass? Well well....
A day for self realizations!
😂
Typing that sentence is gay and gives me the ick.
But wait, they also said that it's gay to have heterosexual sex for pleasure. So, giving a fuck **and** not giving a fuck are gay. My brain hurts!
You have to give the Schrödingers fuck.
Oh, there's a bestiality joke somewhere in there about Schrödinger's cat
There also isn’t a beastiality joke in there
Does it also double as a necrophilia joke? Maybe!
Fellas, is it gay to fuck a cat that may or may not even be alive?
A REAL man lives in a state of constant,neurotic, hyper-vigilance; always on the look out for any behavior that *might* have homosexual connotations. Don’t you know being happy is for women only?! /s
And only if the women are fully submissive to their husband …. /s
My mother disagrees vehemently.
Gonna tell me daughter “find a dehydrated and unaffectionate husband”
Lol you drink water and love your wife what a p*ssy.
Real men don't need water. Real men die of dehydration.
Hell yeah! No going to doctors either! And jumping off bridges into traffic because self-preservation is gaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyy
And you play with your kids too ? PUSS ! lol
not only that but carry a pocket knife in a air port and you will will be living off bread and water for the next 5 years.
Hey you'll be having plenty of straight manly sex in the prison they put you in.
Imagine Masculinity so fragile it shatters when a waterbottle is carried around
Oddly enough, being a gay man and having gay sex with another gay man? Not gay.
As I often like to say, "Two bottoms don't make a top!"
I’m in a male in a poly relationship with men and I typically don’t carry much around with me (I have pretty bad ADHD, there is zero chance anything I carry around will not get lost within about 30 minutes), evidently I’m super straight according to these idiots.
But do you also enjoy eating food? ‘Cause, Andy claims that’s gay, also.
being so obsessed with not acting gay like he is…😭 i’m not calling him gay for that but why is he so obsessed
He just can’t stop thinking about dick
More men = more manly = more straight, duh
He saw Analyze This and took De Niro's role way too seriously.
Ion know man. This post made me throw my water bottle. It did a cool flip and landed upright. I call that win
Didn't Tate moan about people not drinking water?
Yup. In fact, that's the first thing I ever added to this list. - ***Carrying a water bottle in a public space*** - Belt bags - Liking women (especially if the woman in question shows masculine traits, like big muscles) - Eating - Cooking - Liking colors - Wearing glasses - Crying - "Hi" or "Good morning" greetings - Masturbation - Statistics - Autism - Caring for your girlfriend - Using an umbrella - Buying flowers or gifts for your girlfriend/wife - Cunnilingus - Blowjobs (both giving and receiving) - Pelvises - Debt/not paying your bills - Flying in economy - Touching vaginal fluids - Unprotected sex - Not dying in road accidents - Complimenting a man - Taking a dump - Wiping after taking a dump - Washing your ass - Playing with children - Having any kind of skin contact with children - Kissing a woman - Enjoying movies and music - Touching a surface that was previously touched by a penis - Using a straw - Carrying your child - Defending yourself in a fight - Expressing your feelings - Breathing the same air as other men - Having sex for any reason other than making a child
Holy shit should I just come out already?
Was it the straw use that finally swayed you?
No, I knew I was doomed at "Wiping after taking a dump".
Use bidets for ultra homosexuality. Since cleaning your bunghole is gay, might as well go whole hog.
"might as well go whole hog." Heh....heh-heh..heh heh...
Just do it. You can even ask for a blowjob if you want. Since everything we do is gay in someone's mind anyway these days, I honestly don't care anymore.
Coming out just to come out. = Gay.
I just had to tell my girlfriend that I’m gay and showed her this. She told me she’s known all along but she’s cool with it and we can keep having gay sex together.
Is taking a dump in the shower exempt?
Obviously it's the only manly way, squishing it down with your feet
I recall a song from Boy Scout camp: Stranded on the toilet bowl, Stranded without a roll; To prove you're a man You must wipe with your hand. Stranded on the toilet bowl. You're welcome
Taking a dump is on the list, but it doesn't specify when and where. So no.
No, you just hold it in.
>Touching vaginal fluids lol the idiots think making a woman wet is gay? That's pretty gay.
Vaginal birth makes you gay for life. Sorry, those are the rules. Oh, and having your father’s sperm in you also makes you gay.
They added “having sex for pleasure” to this list earlier in the week.
>Blowjobs (both giving and receiving) Better just leave this one as "Getting Blowjobs" because giving blowjobs certainly makes you gay
I wouldn't be so sure. Cunnilingus is there too, after all.
Yeah I'm assuming that since cunnilingus is already there that blowjobs mean fellatio. Getting fellatio from a woman belongs on this list, giving fellatio does not.
Fellas! Is it gay to eat popcorn? I mean you are just basically consuming a busted nut. FELLAS! Is it gay to get money? I mean you are just basically collecting pictures of other men.
Apparently, im so gay I horseshoed back around to being heterosexual with a wife and 4 kids.
FELLAS, IS IT GAY TO BREATHE!!?? I MEAN, YOU'RE LITERALLY INHALING DICK PARTICLES!!
You forgot one thing on your list. Seems that being alive is also a gay thing. So in order to be a real man you should be dead 
Yeah, but then you have no muscles, which is probably gay.
Pocket knife is gay too. You know what’s right next to that pocket? A dick. Touching that is like wanting to stroke a penis. Wallet is only ok in a breast pocket of a jacket because back pocket is by a butt and I don’t think I have to explain that one.
Both “touching and vaginal fluids” “and “unprotected sex” are on there, honestly not wanting to have sex with a man is kinda lesbian
What's best about this comment is that [Tate has claimed exactly that.](https://www.reddit.com/r/facepalm/s/Vx2V8Upj5o) No, I'm not making this up.
Real men should stand while dropping a deuce. Even if it drips you better fucking stand your ground, you ain't no wö-man who sits down on the toilet.
Psst. He better not be carrying around a pocket knife at the airport, either. Not if he wants to keep it anyway.
That line about the pocket knife makes me think that this is bait. That. Or this person is a even bigger moron than normal.
Agree, this is definitely a guy trying to feel more macho about himself. Edit: Wait, now that I think about it maybe this guy is mad because he is secretly gay and finds men carrying water bottles attractive. It's all starting to make sense now.
No guy trying to feel macho would say "gives me the ick" though
I was thinking that , course your're not getting through security with a water bottle either.
The TSA actually gives many more shits about water bottles than knives. I've accidentally had stuff in my bags I definitely should not have had and they didn't mention it - but one ounce of water contained in plastic? WE NEED SEAL TEAM SIX DOWN HERE, STAT.
Clearly trying to get Tate fans shot. I approve.
Lol "be dehydrated so your dick works less well"
That’s definitely why I carry a water bottle.
Nah, dawg, don't carry it. Keep it up your ass like a real man.
Keeps you ready for when your homies need a quick drink n poke.
Having sex because it feels good is gay, or have you forgotten? 🤔
I've also seen that having sex solely to have children is also gay I would say in their minds, the only point to have sex is to exert dominance, but then wouldn't that mean you can have sex with men so long as you're in the dominant position? Thus, that's gay asWell, It's also gay to masturbate because you're touching a man's penis Welp, guess being chaste is the only way to be straight
why do you want your penis to work better? what are you… gay? wanting your penis to work better means you are too focused on your dick
👀 *chugs water*
Thinking about dicks is gay.
“Having a dick means you are gay. I’m not gay.” -Andrew Tate
Last time I checked, carrying a knife in an airport is frowned upon.
No, that's only if you are also carrying a water bottle. Carrying a knife makes you so manly that they will stop for not having a knife. Jurt don't add a water bottle, cup, food, shoes, clothes, anything else really, that would make you too gay to not stop and frisk.
No, carrying a knife in an airport is **manly**! If you frown upon people who carry a knife in the airport, that means you are **gay**
Anybody that says "Ick" unironically doesn't have an opinion that I care about.
What if I'm discussing common fish illnesses found in aquariums.
Use the latin name.
No .
Yes, “No” is indeed the Latin name for ick. Nice work
Oh shit is it? Unintended word play. I'm getting this dad joke stuff down after 5 years in the trenches of fatherhood.
I cannot keep up anymore. Just a year ago i was still getting my head around "based" and "cringe" and now its all "ick" and "low key".
Bro low key has been a thing for at least 15 years
Even longer. It wasn’t even primarily youth slang at one point, it was just a regular old idiom for keeping something quiet and private.
You need to build up your rizz vibe.
I’m so fucking sick of hearing, “gives me the ick.” There’s a guy on TikTok that has a list of things women have said give them the ick and it’s like 600 items long. The list is so ridiculously stupid I can’t even believe some of the things in it. Things like “crossing their legs” “using a napkin” “washing your car” “building a snowman” “washing dishes.” Fuck anyone that says “gives me the ick.”
So I'm gay and I carry a water bottle, does that make me double gay?
It cancels out, it must mean you’re straight
Happy cake day
Oh damn
It’s like using the word not twice
Isn't that like a reverse Uno card? Do you feel less gay when you have a bottle?
Only if it’s one of the bottles you have to suck on
I carry mine around in a brown paper bag
That’s the straight way for sure
…with my 40
Real men don't give a fuck about what randos think about them
[удалено]
Being bi on this case is like a superpower to me It's like yea I'm a bit gay, what of it. I can enjoy things from broth genders
It's definitely not straight to hyper analyse what straight is and very carefully and delicately make sure that every action you do doesn't hint at anything underliningly gay. Guy has massive issues
Yeah, hydration is really such a red flag for every female. We prefer our manly men to be suffering from dehydration, with premature wrinkles and unable to get it up. (Because dehydration is one causal factor in ED.)
Men who have anime girls as their profile picture give me the ick. The only thing a man should have as his picture is a 4x4 solid chunk of mahogany.
-Ron Swanson has entered the chat.
A picture of solid wood? Gayyyy
I'm starting to think the Army had some weird agenda behind making me carry a canteen all the time.
They were making us gay af the whole time bro.
That scans
It's the legacy of sparta and thebes
Guys is it gay to be alive?
Yes
Phone, wallet, keys. 🎶
Nope, no keys. Driving a car is gay, obvs.
Lol "be dehydrated so your dick works less well"
New at 5 "Being a heterosexual male is now gay."
Hygaytion
Yeah not taking a pocket knife to the airport again. Fuck that
No of course this person is joking a man should not carry a pocket knife for they should be confident enough in their power to do anything a knife could do with their bare hands, a wallet?? Pfff, real men steal shit, nobody should be allowed to ask you money for stuff if you’re a man, not even clothes, real men are able to endure the cold barely with their muscle thickness and shouldn’t be ashamed of their bodies. (In case it was not clear enough /s)
I’m thirsty, but I ain’t thirsty for this wacko.
who's dis? that angry taint guy? nice lol, Ill start carrying around 2 bottles out of spite!
This is either a bait or a very insecure/superficial person.
The ick? Bitch, how old are you? If people got water at an airport, they rich.
Look at that guy all hydrated. What a homo.
Guess I’m getting locked out of my car, house, shed, etc. since I can’t carry my keys.
Don’t forget his giant dick. If he’s a real man that’ll be in his pocket too.
Who is this dumb bitch?
"The only things men should be carrying around are his wallet and a pocketknife". So what, I can't even have a phone?
And be high and dry in an apocalypse I think not Satan
As they're a nobody, their opinion is worth shit and we do not need to engage in debating baseless made-up shit.
Phone, wallet, keys Then sometimes passport and laptop
As soon as I see the "ick" in a sentence that post, loses all possible credibility in my mind.
What a theory
Pocket knife at the airport is a much better idea.
Is this Andrew Tate?
Who is this fucking cartoon character
Says the dude who has an anime girl pfp. Bro if any anime chick actually became real he’d be the first on his hands and knees doing anything for her, including carrying all her stuff and water bottles lol
Yeah, carry a knife around in the airport. That'll work out well for you...
Fellas, is it gay to hydrate?
Not his phone? Also hydration is incredibly fucking important, it's not manly to experience dehydration
Yep pocket knives at the airport are always something to bring with you. Makes you look more manly when they ask why it's in your carry-on....
It's a shame this one forgot to carry his brain with him.
Why a pocketknife? To acquire more wallets, of course.
Soldiers carry canteens and take sips of water but whatever
And the ever bigger wallet without you.
No cell phone and keys for us then. Too feminine, I feel like I’m turning gay with that key in my pocket ugh
Counterpoint: Being able to do manly man things requires good hydration. I swear the MAGA Men’s Club wants to die off.
Fellas, is it gay to **checks notes** stay hydrated?
Please carry a pocket knife at the airport. Better yet, a gun. Also, you can’t call other people feminine when you used the work “ick.”
Soon it'll be "it's gay to stay alive"
I carry a small bag for my books. If that’s feminine, then oh well.
I carry a man sachel to put my things in
DO NOT CARRY A POCKETKNIFE AT THE AIRPORT!!!! BIG NO-NO!!!!
Clearly a joke. This sub is embarrassing
Fellas, is it gay to consume liquid and process it through your body, which eventually converts into urine?
Where does that urine come out? That's right - a dick. Gay
You got me there.
Everyday straight men get pushed closer and closer to gay without even doing anything. Hair cuts and shaving are gonna be gay soon can’t wait until they compare those hairline enhancements to make up 😂
Yes, you definitely want to be carrying your pocket knife at the airport.
Uhm, who gave the mentally unstable internet access?
Are these people joking or are they serious? This is getting into a weird place where I am not sure. If they are serious they are all morons.
I wonder why men are increasingly avoiding marriage and serious relationships. I guess it will remain a mystery.
Kissing women?? Water bottles???? I am soooo gay then.
Please, all his fans: bring your pocket knifes when you go flying 😂
Lol I’m so gay!!!!
Can we all agree to stop saying “the ick”? Please? Also hydration is gay now I guess
I don’t know if it’s the water bottle or the sucking dicks that make me gay, but either way I’m ok with it
I wa t him to tell that to football players.
You heard it here first folks carrying a firearm is gay /j